- 1 day ago
Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 12
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:02The last two years are blank.
00:05It's a fresh approach.
00:06I believe you.
00:08Mike couldn't place a familiar face.
00:10Whoever killed her?
00:11The police couldn't identify a murder victim.
00:13Oh, not all her teeth.
00:14There's no signature.
00:16Gabrielle was getting showered with gifts.
00:18Why her ass remain anonymous?
00:19From a mystery suitor.
00:21I'm gonna open up a pizza parlor!
00:22And Lynette couldn't believe.
00:24Oh, dear God.
00:25What her husband had done.
00:26I wanna do what you wanna do.
00:28Julie's first love was two-timing her.
00:31And Orson's first wife...
00:34I'm Alma.
00:34...wasn't going away...
00:36What do you think?
00:36I'll take it.
00:37...anytime soon.
00:43Your average housewife worries constantly
00:46about the dangerous people she sees on the nightly news.
00:50Which is why she buys expensive alarm systems,
00:55carries pepper spray in her purse,
00:58and keeps a gun in her drawer.
01:02So she can go about her day feeling safe and protected.
01:09Your average inmate worries constantly
01:12about the dangerous people he comes in contact with every day.
01:17Which is why he takes ordinary items and turns them into weapons that he always keeps handy.
01:27So he can go about his day feeling safe and protected.
01:33What is the difference between the housewife and the inmate?
01:38The inmate knows the feeling won't last long.
01:42Sorry for him stood out in your way!
01:43Oh, he's fraught!
01:48You're from spirit!
01:50All I several days left somewhere here!
01:51You've found me!
01:52Talk to fuck with your hand.
01:53I'll see you down there.
01:54... ...delfino, right?
02:03Yeah.
02:11...delfino, right?
02:23Come on, bro, let's go.
02:25Okay?
02:29How are you on?
02:31Yeah.
02:32I guess you do.
02:34Yes.
02:35We all need protection
02:37from those who would do us harm.
02:42And sometimes from those who protect us.
02:54Wild parties, handsome strangers, tender kisses.
03:05Yes, there were many things Gabrielle Solis liked
03:09about being single again.
03:13But coming home to an empty house
03:17was not one of them.
03:19Ah!
03:34Hi.
03:35You're sleeping at my place tonight.
03:37Really?
03:39What did you have in mind?
03:41God, I hate my life.
03:43Honestly, did you think I was gonna sleep with you?
03:46It would be the polite way to thank me.
03:48Carlos, this isn't funny.
03:49I am scared to death of this maniac.
03:51Since when?
03:53Yesterday you were loving all the presents, the intrigue.
03:56The guy broke into the house.
03:58He went from secret admirer to stalker.
04:00For all I know, he's trying to kill me
04:01so no one else will have me.
04:03Why don't you just call the cops?
04:04And tell them what?
04:069-1-1, somebody broke in the house
04:07and left a $6,000 dress.
04:09Okay, so if this guy shows up again,
04:11what am I supposed to do exactly?
04:13Nothing.
04:14Just having you here helps.
04:17No, that's very sweet.
04:19Because when he breaks in
04:20and starts hacking you up with his machete,
04:22your screams will wake me up
04:23and then I'll be able to escape.
04:27Glad I could help.
04:35Hey, stranger.
04:37Hey.
04:38You have good timing.
04:40I just got all the kids to sleep.
04:42Oh, damn, I wanted to tuck him in.
04:44Well, you could tuck me in.
04:48I thought I smelled your sex perfume.
04:52Here, hi.
04:53Hi.
04:54Hi.
04:57Oh, oh, oh.
04:58Wait a minute, wait a minute.
04:59Don't get me all rubbed up just yet.
05:00The printer said he was going to drop off my menu
05:02on his way home.
05:03He already did.
05:06Oh, you didn't look at that, did you?
05:08Because it's just a mock-up.
05:09Too late.
05:09I looked.
05:10And it's great.
05:13Really?
05:14Yes.
05:15I love the font, the color, everything.
05:18I am so jazzed to see the restaurant.
05:21It is so good to hear that.
05:25Oh.
05:29So, any idea when that might be?
05:33Sure.
05:34How about two weeks?
05:36Hey.
05:38You open in two weeks?
05:39Yeah, well, that'd be a good time for you to come by,
05:41because there's free refills, balloons, music.
05:44Might there be a VIP preview for people, say, who bore your children?
05:52Lynette?
05:52Yeah?
05:54I don't want you to see it until it's all done.
05:58Why not?
05:59Why not?
06:00Because you will take one look at the place, and then you'll have all these tips and suggestions
06:03that you just won't be able to keep to yourself.
06:05You think?
06:06Because I just saw a takeout menu with a six-digit phone number, and I kept that to myself.
06:10See?
06:10There it is.
06:11That snarky, know-it-all attitude.
06:13What?
06:14I am snarky because I point out one small, glaring mistake?
06:17That's it.
06:18Now, you're banned from the opening.
06:21Ah.
06:23Fine.
06:24Goodnight.
06:27So, we're not having sex?
06:30Hey.
06:31You banned me from your opening.
06:41All I'm saying is that I'd feel a lot safer on the pill.
06:45But if you're not 18, you need parental consent.
06:48Do we really need to give your mother another reason to hate me?
06:50She'll hate you a lot worse if you get me.
06:51Yay!
06:53Hi.
06:55Hi.
06:59Bye.
07:00Bye.
07:08Can't we just keep using condoms and be extra careful?
07:11Are you crazy?
07:12They're not dependable.
07:13Sure they are.
07:13Why do you think everybody uses them?
07:15Read the box.
07:16They all have to pass inspection.
07:18It's too risky.
07:19Condoms are only 85% effective.
07:23Mom!
07:24Mom, what happened?
07:25Are you okay?
07:27Oh!
07:28I was just, uh...
07:29I lost an earring.
07:32Mom, you're wearing both your earrings.
07:36Oh.
07:37I found it.
07:38Huh.
07:40Austin, I would like to talk to my daughter.
07:42Privately.
07:43Sure.
07:44Call me later.
07:50Why were you two talking about condoms?
07:52Why were you eavesdropping?
07:53Don't change the subject.
07:55Are you two having sex because I thought that I raised you to be smarter than that?
07:58Don't you realize that sex is not fun and games?
08:02It's dangerous.
08:03Every time you turn around, there's a new disease.
08:05Do you want it to burn when you pee?
08:06Mom.
08:07Sex kills.
08:07Mom!
08:08What?
08:09I'm not having sex.
08:12Really?
08:14Really.
08:16Oh, thank God.
08:19If you're not having sex, why were you talking about condoms?
08:23Because we know two kids at school who are, and they're only using condoms, which is really
08:28stupid because condoms are only 85% effective.
08:32Yes.
08:33That's right.
08:35A condom alone will not protect you.
08:39I totally agree.
08:53Great!
08:55Alma!
08:55I didn't know that you knew Edie.
08:57I told your friends at that dinner party I was looking for a new house.
09:01A house?
09:02Yes.
09:03And Gabby introduced us.
09:06Oh, well, um, I don't want to keep you.
09:09I'm sure that Edie has lots of other houses to show you.
09:12Nope.
09:13We're done.
09:14Alma took one look at the Apple White House, and bam!
09:17Love at first sight.
09:19What?
09:20We're gonna be neighbors.
09:21No!
09:24I mean...
09:25I mean, no.
09:27Alma, you can't buy this house.
09:29Why not?
09:30Well, are you aware of its history?
09:32The previous owner was harboring a murderer.
09:35It was her son.
09:37Say what you like.
09:38She was a great mom.
09:39They had a dungeon in the basement.
09:41I mean, people say they still hear groans coming from the house at night.
09:45They're gonna hear groans coming from your house if you don't sip it.
09:50Don't worry, Alma.
09:51I'm sure that, uh, Edie can find you a house that won't give you nightmares.
09:55It's too late, Bree.
09:57I've fallen in love with this neighborhood.
09:59And that's for that haunted house stuff.
10:01Well, it's just silly.
10:03People don't come back from the dead.
10:05Yeah.
10:10Don't I wish.
10:19I will not have that woman as a neighbor.
10:21You have got to do something.
10:23I said I'd talk to her.
10:24So what are you waiting for?
10:26The house is dark.
10:27She's not there.
10:27Oh, so you're just gonna wait until she moves in?
10:29No, I will deal with it.
10:30Bree, please calm down.
10:32How can I be calm?
10:33For months, people thought you killed your first wife.
10:35No sooner does she show up and clear your name than the police haul you off to ask you about
10:40another murder.
10:40They just had some questions.
10:42Everybody has questions.
10:43Susan and I aren't even speaking because of it.
10:45Bree, please.
10:46I try to hold my head up and smile and just bake more pies for the church social.
10:52But now your ex is camped out on our doorstep like I am hosting some kind of Mormon slumber party.
10:57And I do not know how I'm gonna bake my way out of this one.
11:02Darling, I swear to you I will get Alma out of that house.
11:05I don't care if I have to live up to my reputation and strangle her.
11:11You're a good husband.
11:14Have you lost your mind?
11:16I am not getting you the pill.
11:19Aunt Edie, Julie and I are in love.
11:21Oh, please.
11:22It's not love you're feeling.
11:23It's hormones.
11:24That's not true.
11:26Okay, fine.
11:27If you want to express your love, you don't need to go all the way.
11:32Kiss, touch, rub.
11:34I mean, whatever happened to heavy petting?
11:37It's so underrated.
11:39That's your advice?
11:41Well, I'm sorry.
11:42I've never been good at getting people not to have sex.
11:45So you're not gonna help us?
11:47Julie, if I do this, your mother would have my head.
11:52You should be talking to her.
11:53I can't talk to her.
11:55The whole idea of this completely freaks her out.
11:57She started screaming sex kills.
12:01So now it's all in my lap.
12:03God, she pisses me off.
12:07Look, how about ice spring for a box of condoms?
12:10Will that get you two off my back?
12:12Condoms are only 85% effective.
12:15Is that true?
12:18Damn.
12:19Thought I could coast all the way to menopause.
12:21Look, we're gonna have sex whether you help us or not.
12:25We're just trying to be responsible.
12:31All right.
12:32But just so you know, the responsible thing is to abstain from sex and focus on your studies.
12:40There.
12:41I said it out loud just in case anybody asks.
12:47Gabby, I need another pillow.
12:49All right.
12:49Don't take the big one.
12:50That's my favorite.
12:52It's only for one night.
12:54Cause tomorrow I'm gonna be back home sleeping in my own bed.
12:56What?
12:57You can't abandon me.
12:59There's a mad man stalking me.
13:01My life is on the line.
13:03You know how scared I am?
13:05You keeping that?
13:09I am scared but not of the dress.
13:33Carlos.
13:35Carlos, wake up.
13:36I need you.
13:37No.
13:38Yeah, I thought you'd come around.
13:40What?
13:40No.
13:41Hey!
13:43He's here.
13:56Don't.
13:57Don't.
13:57Don't let me down.
13:58He might have a gun.
14:00Oh!
14:01I'm unarmed.
14:02Stop kicking me.
14:03Oh, now you're gonna give me attitude?
14:05Oh!
14:05Gabby, we got it.
14:06Maintain.
14:07This jerk has been terrorizing me.
14:08He broke into my house.
14:09It was a $6,000 dress and my boss didn't want me leaving it on the porch.
14:14Your boss?
14:17Hey, I'm sorry to wake you, sir, but there was a problem dropping off the gift.
14:23Yes, and she's right here with me.
14:26This is Gabrielle.
14:27Who the hell is this?
14:29Yes, I got your token of esteem and I'm not impressed.
14:33Because you're freaking me out, that's why.
14:37No, I don't care how much it costs.
14:39That's beside the point.
14:42Really?
14:42That much?
14:44Tell him if he doesn't stop harassing you, you're gonna call the cops.
14:47Look, I know you're trying to be romantic, but if you keep this up, I'm gonna be forced.
14:56What'd he say?
14:58That's very sweet of you, but I am not the most beautiful woman in the world.
15:01Tell him you're gonna get a restraining order on him.
15:04Yes, I may be in the top ten.
15:06Gabby!
15:07Hey, I'm talking here.
15:10Your voice sounds so familiar. Do I know you?
15:15He says I know him and that he wants to reintroduce himself at dinner.
15:20Absolutely not.
15:21I would not feel comfortable meeting for dinner.
15:24Good girl.
15:26How about lunch?
15:27Gabby!
15:28You have to promise to stop buying me these expensive gifts.
15:31Because I'm not that kind of girl.
15:34Well, for that many carrots, yes, I could be that kind of girl.
15:38Um, I gotta go.
15:39I'll talk to you tomorrow.
15:42How about that?
15:44And here I was thinking some guy wants to murder me in my sleep.
15:48Night's still young.
16:00How'd those ribs?
16:01Ah, just needed some tape.
16:04Man, those guys were hardcore.
16:06You really saved my ass.
16:08Don't mention it.
16:09No.
16:11No.
16:11Seriously.
16:12If I ever anything I can do for you, I'll just say the word.
16:16I'll keep that in mind.
16:19Hey, Delfino!
16:23Yeah, boss?
16:25You might want to find yourself another prom date.
16:28The guy's not your friend.
16:30How do you know that?
16:31After those mutts knocked you around the other day, your boy paid them off.
16:37You sure?
16:38I saw money change hands.
16:40Just watch your back.
16:50So I was in the middle of totally freaking out when Julie assured me that she's not having sex.
16:55Can't tell you how relieved I was.
16:58Uh-huh.
17:00Don't say uh-huh like that.
17:01Julie wouldn't lie to me.
17:03If she says she's not having sex, then she's not having sex.
17:06Okay?
17:08You can't say okay like that either.
17:10Julie's not like other girls.
17:12She's a straight-A student.
17:14And you were valedictorian.
17:16What were you up to that your mother didn't know about?
17:21Okay, you search the closet.
17:22I'm gonna look under the bed.
17:23Wait, wait, wait.
17:24First rule of ransacking, remember where everything goes.
17:30You are gonna make a really good mother someday.
17:33So, what does this diary look like?
17:35Uh, it's small.
17:36It's got a plaid cover.
17:38Oh, and when you find it, you have to read it.
17:40Because I promised her that I would always respect her privacy.
17:43Now help me flip this mattress.
17:44Oh my god.
17:45You found it?
17:46This is adorable.
17:48You think maybe I could-
17:50No.
17:50You cannot borrow it.
17:52Oh.
17:52Fine.
17:54Why does Julie have a VCR?
17:57To watch movies.
17:58Please.
17:59Kids don't watch videos anymore.
18:01Everything's digital.
18:08See?
18:09It's just a tape.
18:14Is it?
18:31Alma.
18:33What do you think you're doing?
18:36Measuring for drapes.
18:38I'm thinking damask.
18:41You know what I mean.
18:44Why have you moved here?
18:46I don't know.
18:47It's a very nice street.
18:49And I've made friends here.
18:52People have taken such an interest in me.
18:55They thought you were dead.
18:57The novelty of your not being a corpse can't last forever.
19:01What are you after?
19:02Hmm?
19:03Are you still punishing me?
19:05You want me to pay you to leave?
19:07Leave what?
19:08I want what I've always wanted.
19:11You.
19:15I'm married.
19:17And even if I weren't, I don't love you.
19:21You didn't love the old Alma.
19:23I'm not that woman anymore.
19:25I'm stronger, more confident.
19:27It may take you a while to see that, but I can wait.
19:32Alma, I love Brie.
19:34But does she love you?
19:37Oh, she may love the Orson she knows.
19:41But does she know what you did to Monique?
19:45Does she know you ran over Mike Delfina?
19:49I know all that.
19:52I still love you.
19:54Would she?
20:07So I see you've spoken to Mother.
20:11Yes.
20:12It's nice to have someone on my side on all of this.
20:17Don't worry.
20:18I won't tell Brie.
20:20She might go to the police.
20:22You're no good to me in jail.
20:27But if I thought I had no chance with you,
20:29no chance at all,
20:32well, you'd be nothing to stop me from telling.
20:37Please, Orson.
20:40Don't take away my help.
20:51Don't take away my help.
20:56She's not going.
20:58Why not?
21:00And what the hell was that on the porch?
21:03She kissed me goodbye.
21:04What was I supposed to do, slug her?
21:06You went over there to read her the riot act.
21:09Instead, it looked like you were reading her a bedtime story.
21:11Brie, I told her we don't want her here.
21:14I threatened. I shouted.
21:16She refuses to go.
21:17We're just going to have to make the best of it.
21:27Hello.
21:29Hey, it's me.
21:31You want to meet for lunch?
21:32No, honey, I gotta drive to Greendale to pick out napkins.
21:36Remember? I told you.
21:39Oh, yeah, that's right.
21:41So, I'll see you tonight.
21:43Okay?
21:44Good. I'll see you.
22:13I'll see you tonight.
22:15Oh, my God.
22:20Hey, Mrs. Scavo.
22:23Andrew, hi.
22:24I thought you weren't starting until the opening.
22:26Oh, yeah. There's just so much work that needs to be done.
22:29Mr. Scavo asked me to start early.
22:31Oh.
22:32He's not here, by the way.
22:34Yeah, I know. And, hey, don't tell him I stopped by.
22:37I'm not supposed to be here. I just wanted to sneak a peek.
22:44Shouldn't you be working?
22:47Shouldn't you not be here?
22:49Touche.
22:51So, uh, how do you like the place?
22:54I think it's fantastic.
22:57It's really coming together.
22:59Ooh, I love the bar.
23:01Oh, yeah. It's, uh, it's pretty cool.
23:03It's too bad we can't get a liquor license.
23:05What?
23:06Oh, uh, didn't Mr. Scavo tell you?
23:10No, he didn't.
23:13Don't, um, restaurants make half their money on the liquor?
23:17Oh, yeah. We're completely screwed.
23:20This is a nightmare.
23:23How did this happen?
23:25The, uh, city rezoned and said he had to get all the residents within a block to sign a waiver.
23:30There are some holdouts. He's kind of bumming.
23:32Well, then why isn't he dealing with it instead of shopping for napkins?
23:40We could lose our shirts in this dump.
23:45This is Dr. Marvin Tashman.
23:47Hi. My name is Susan Meyer.
23:50Um, my daughter Julie came in to see you.
23:52Yes, about birth control.
23:54So I'm just curious.
23:56Where do you get off prescribing that without my consent?
24:02What?
24:03No, I most certainly was not there.
24:06What do I look like?
24:07I don't have blonde hair.
24:15Wait.
24:16Did my blonde hair have dark roots?
24:20Oh!
24:21I forgot to give you the keys to the shed.
24:26You got my daughter the pill?
24:29Here, catch.
24:34Don't you walk away from me!
24:37Do we have to do this now?
24:39Yes, we do.
24:40You might have gotten your first diaphragm with milk money, but that doesn't give you the right to corrupt my
24:45daughter.
24:45Look, it's not like I went after Julie and said, hey, do you want to go out for a burger
24:49and some birth control?
24:50She came to me.
24:51You do not get to decide this for her. What were you thinking?
24:55I was thinking, if Julie got knocked up, that you and I could become family. And I'm sorry, I cannot
25:02take that chance.
25:02Oh, you know what? It wasn't until your rotten nephew came to town that Julie was a perfect kid.
25:07And now she's lying and scheming and having casual sex.
25:10She's just a boob job away from being you.
25:13Look, Meyer, Julie has discovered sex. The genie is out of the bottle.
25:17You better get good with it or you could lose her forever.
25:21Because like it or not, she loves him.
25:24And you know what else? He loves her.
25:41Your gentleman friend went to make a call. He'll be with you shortly.
25:44Oh, God.
26:07Gabrielle.
26:11Zach Young. Oh, my God. It's been ages.
26:16Wow. Look at you. So handsome in a suit.
26:21You look beautiful.
26:22Aren't you sweet?
26:26Well, anyway, I'd love to catch up, but I'm kind of waiting for someone.
26:31Yes, I know.
26:37So the dress fits. Cool.
26:45Would you like a bottle of your 1982 Chateau Lafitte Let's Child, please?
26:52I'm sorry. How old are you?
26:55Oh, uh, why don't we say...
26:59100.
27:01So you are.
27:05Wow, someone got an advance on their allowance.
27:08I was my grandfather's sole heir.
27:10I'm actually in the Fortune 400.
27:13Does that, does that seem weird to you?
27:16I'm on a date with Zach Young. Nothing's ever gonna seem weird again.
27:22Every cent we have is circling the bowl, and Tom never said a word.
27:25Why didn't he come to me?
27:27Clearly he's embarrassed.
27:28But I'm his wife.
27:29Don't be dense, Lynette.
27:31Half the reason men want to accomplish anything is so they can show off for the women they love.
27:35And when they fail, they like to keep it to themselves.
27:38I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna tell him I went to the restaurant, and that I know he screwed up,
27:43and that I'm gonna fix it.
27:46Well, for God's sake, it's bad enough you cut off his cojones. Now you wanna juggle them?
27:50My husband is in trouble. I love him. Shouldn't I wanna help him?
27:54Well, if you really love him, you should help him without letting him know that you did.
28:02Yeah, so, in addition to my penthouse, I also have a chateau in Switzerland, and a cottage in the Hamptons.
28:09It's pretty impressive, huh?
28:12Got a little chocolate on your shirt.
28:15Damn it!
28:16Here, let me get it.
28:17No, I can do it. I can do it. I'd like to do it myself. Thank you very much.
28:22I'm sorry. I, you know, I'll be neater for you next time.
28:26Next time? Honey, let's get real. You were way too young for me.
28:32I'm two months older than John Rowland.
28:36Well, John Rowland was a mistake. I was lonely.
28:41You're not lonely now?
28:44You've heard about my divorce.
28:46Yeah, you were really smart to get rid of Carlos. You deserve much better.
28:50And let me guess, now you are my upgrade?
28:54Well, everybody knows you need someone to take care of you, and...
28:58I'm rich now. I can give you anything you want.
29:01Wait a minute. Who says I need someone to take care of me?
29:05My mom.
29:07Our friends from the neighborhood.
29:09They said it was the only reason you stayed with Carlos, considering how he treated you.
29:16Well, they were wrong.
29:18Thank you for lunch, Zach.
29:20Wait, Gabrielle.
29:23I'm not that awkward kid that I was before.
29:26I...
29:27Can you please just...
29:28Please take me seriously.
29:30I'm sorry. I just can't.
29:33I'm not... I'm not gonna give up.
29:37Sweetie.
29:38I really wish you would.
29:47For God's sake, Zach!
29:48Don't hijack a Ferrari if you don't know how to drive.
29:58Mr. Glant, hi. I'm Lynette Scavo. My husband is opening the pizzeria right down the block.
30:03If it's about that liquor license, I'm not signing.
30:07Please, I've been at this for hours. Just hear me out.
30:10Well, I never could resist a pretty lady.
30:13Oh.
30:14Come on in.
30:17Did you live in Las Vegas?
30:19I was a croupier for 40 years.
30:21As you can see, I had a weakness for showgirls.
30:24I bet you were quite the player.
30:26You have no idea.
30:29Can I top you off there?
30:31No, thanks.
30:32Two's my limit.
30:33Suit yourself.
30:35Look, I understand your concerns about the license. Your neighbors had them, too.
30:41But they signed the waiver once I explained to them that this is a family restaurant.
30:47No late nights. No loud music.
30:50If there's one thing I learned in Vegas, it's that booze turns most people into noisy jackasses.
30:56And I don't want them puking on my doorstep.
30:59Come on, Harry. You are my last holdout.
31:03What's it gonna take? Cash? A free pizza for the rest of your life? You name it.
31:07Look, I hate to disappoint a pretty lady, but I'm not signing.
31:14Harry.
31:16My husband quit his job to start this restaurant.
31:20And if we can't sell liquor, we can't make a profit.
31:23And whoa, whoa, whoa, Harry.
31:25Eyes up here.
31:27Oh, sorry. Sorry.
31:30This place is his dream. And if he can't make it work, then it's just gonna kill him.
31:36And consequently, it's gonna kill our marriage. And Harry, Harry, what did I say?
31:41I know. I don't mean to be rude. It's just that my showgirl days were a while ago,
31:46and I can't remember the last time I laid eyes on a beautiful woman's bosom.
31:59Really? Well, what if I were to, very briefly, refresh your memory?
32:14Completely worth it.
32:16Glad you thought so.
32:22Mmm.
32:29Come on, baby. Say it one more time for mommy.
32:33So you can teach him to say whatever you want?
32:35Oh, yes. These birds are very bright. I think they're smarter than people.
32:41Some people. Anyway.
32:47Bree! Come in, I just made some lemonade.
32:56This isn't a social call.
33:00We need to talk.
33:02About what?
33:03About what it's gonna take to get you to sell this house and move.
33:07Move? Why?
33:09You're my husband's ex-wife.
33:11You disappeared so people would think he killed you.
33:14Does my discomfort really need any further explanation?
33:18No idea you felt this way.
33:20Oh, please.
33:22Orson made it perfectly clear we don't want you here.
33:25Okay.
33:26Now I'm really confused.
33:28When Orson came by, all he said was,
33:31welcome to the street, and did I need help unpacking?
33:36That's not true.
33:39You know what?
33:40I think I've said too much.
33:43How about that lemonade?
33:47Ma'am, where would you like this?
33:49Oh, uh, upstairs. I'll show you.
33:53Here. Drink this. You'll look a little pale.
33:56Right now.
34:02Don't tell Bree!
34:06Don't tell Bree!
34:07Don't tell Bree!
34:51Don't tell Bree!
35:03Are you alright?
35:05I'm so sorry I broke a glass.
35:09Don't worry. I'll get it.
35:11Okay. I have to go.
35:16Bree! Wait!
35:18I understand why you might feel a little threatened about my moving in here.
35:24But in time, you'll see I'm... I'm perfectly harmless.
35:45So...
35:46How was the mystery date?
35:47Uh, it was fabulous. Thanks for asking.
35:50Oh, come on. I want details. Who is he?
35:53Some global financier.
35:55Saw me on the cover of Paris Match.
35:58Good looking. Just not my type.
36:00Really?
36:02Because I always thought that you and Zach would make a really great couple.
36:06You son of a bitch! You were there?
36:08Barked across the street laughing my ass off.
36:11I can't believe you followed me.
36:13I thought you were meeting a psycho killer for lunch. I was worried.
36:18Well, at least until they brought out the crayons and children's menus.
36:23All right. Off my porch.
36:24Okay. But don't forget, you asked me to watch your back.
36:28Yeah, about that. Um, I'm installing an alarm system tomorrow, so...
36:33I'm not gonna need you to look after me anymore.
36:38Gabby, I don't mind.
36:39I mind.
36:41We're divorced. I can't keep running to you every time I get scared.
36:44I wanna be the kind of woman who can take care of herself.
36:49Well...
36:51Good for you.
36:57I'm still right down the block.
37:00So if you do need me...
37:02I won't.
37:04But thank you.
37:14Hey.
37:15Hey.
37:17You're home early.
37:19Celebrating. Got our liquor license today.
37:22Really? That's great.
37:24Yeah, Andrew said he went all over the neighborhood getting signatures.
37:27Good for him.
37:29But I think he's lying.
37:32I think somebody else got the signatures.
37:34Okay.
37:36Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that someone else did.
37:39Someone who clearly loves you very much.
37:42What's wrong with that?
37:43Nothing.
37:44Nothing.
37:45Order has been restored in the universe.
37:46You save the day.
37:47I'm a loser.
37:49Oh, come on, Tom.
37:51I tried for two months to get that waiver signed.
37:54You did it in a day.
37:55Hey.
37:56Like I said...
37:57You can't drown in self-pity just because I helped you with one tiny little thing.
38:03Okay.
38:03But if I tell you that the plumbing's not up to code, that we have termites and that the chairs
38:07won't be there until after we open, can I drown in self-pity then?
38:11Why haven't you told me about all of this?
38:13Because I wanted to accomplish something on my own.
38:17I'm the man.
38:17I shouldn't have to run to my wife to bail me out.
38:20Ow.
38:21Gambling with our life savings and not asking for help doesn't make you a man.
38:27It makes you an idiot.
38:29Come on, Tom.
38:30For God's sakes.
38:31We are a team.
38:32And that restaurant is a huge undertaking.
38:34No one could do it alone.
38:35You don't ask me for help with your ad campaigns.
38:38Ow.
38:38I don't have to.
38:40You're always giving it to me, inspiring me.
38:44Remember the mouthwash jingle?
38:46You came up with the hook.
38:47And what about the Bartlett campaign?
38:49Would I have ever come up with tango dancing fleas?
38:52All you.
38:52There's nothing that I've accomplished that I could have done without your help.
38:57Okay, fine. I help. We're a team.
38:59Just don't hit me again.
39:02So tomorrow, first thing, we'll fix the plumbing, we'll call an exterminator, we'll rent some chairs, and we will open
39:08on time, and it'll be a glorious success that you will have achieved with my help, okay?
39:16Okay.
39:20And tonight I'm gonna slap on some sex perfume and you're gonna get naked, and then we're gonna see who
39:24the man is.
39:28God, I hope it's me.
39:29Oh, I'm sure it will be.
39:39Hey, Mom. What are you doing out here?
39:44Oh.
39:47Okay, here's the thing.
39:49Don't worry.
39:50I'm not gonna get mad. Just sit down.
40:00You know what upset me the most?
40:03That you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.
40:07I tried to. You freaked out.
40:09Well, of course I freaked out. I'm a parent.
40:12You know, we hope that our children will wait to have sex till after we're dead.
40:19And you wonder why I went to Edie.
40:21Okay, that's the other thing. That cannot happen anymore.
40:25You and I have always had an amazing relationship.
40:30Let's not mess it up now.
40:33Okay.
40:35I'm sorry.
40:40Look, I know you think I'm too young, but Austin and I are in love.
40:48Yeah, um, about that.
41:00God, I wish there was a pill you could take to protect your heart.
41:05What do you mean?
41:09Honey, I, I was over at Edie's today and I walked in the door.
41:17Uh, yes, I need to speak to my husband.
41:21Yes, there is. Um, would you please ask him to come home as early as possible tonight?
41:33It's a dangerous world.
41:38So we all look for protection.
41:44And whether we find it in the arms of our mother.
41:51Or at the end of a jagged blade.
41:59In the kiss of our sweetheart.
42:05Or at the end of a barrel.
42:08We do what we have to to feel safe.
42:15Because we know somewhere in the world.
42:24There are those who will do us harm.
42:27There are those who will do us harm.
42:27No.
42:56Not one.
42:57There is a disk.
43:14Transcription by CastingWords
Comments