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00:00New York City, home to one million exciting eligible single men and four cold and slightly cranky single women.
00:09Well, this is good. We're actually crossing water to meet men.
00:13Reminder, I am not going to Staten Island to meet men. I am going to judge them.
00:18One of the perks of being a minor New York celebrity is that you get invited to major events,
00:23like the Fire Department of New York's annual calendar competition.
00:28This is an awfully long way to go to watch some firemen take their shirts off.
00:32Honey, I'm on the fucking ferry. I better see more than just bags.
00:35Ooh, I'm freezing.
00:38I just, I don't understand why they couldn't just hold the competition in a bar in Manhattan.
00:43I mean, they have firemen on the upper east side, too, you know?
00:45Yes, I know they do, sweetie, and they only put out the really top-notch fires.
00:50Look at how small it looks.
00:53Who would have thought an island that tiny would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends?
01:04Black Chevron's Gentleman
01:07He loves to cook.
01:08This is your whip of a great big CD.
01:11He's from Yen two seventy five.
01:13Later one thirty three.
01:14Play concentrates, please!
01:18Way ofonden, queen!
01:34His name was Bill Kelly.
01:37He was a divorced politician campaigning for New York City Comptroller
01:40and the token male judge.
01:45Watch the firemen.
01:47I'm going to cops.
01:49I know Bill is a clown.
01:50He's a cancer and Mary.
01:53Yes, lady.
01:55His wife, Maria, says it's a good line, but it works the wrong.
01:59You're good.
02:01Bill is.
02:06Lady, over here.
02:09Okay.
02:10They don't make cosmopolitan.
02:12It's a Staten Island iced tea.
02:14Is that like a Long Island iced tea?
02:16I think so.
02:19Hello, I'm drunk.
02:21Do we have to be this close?
02:22It's embarrassing.
02:24You've got to be in it to win it.
02:26I'm moving back.
02:27No.
02:28Come on.
02:28I can't see the cute fireman from back there without my glasses.
02:31Why do you even care if you can see you have Steve?
02:33I do not have Steve.
02:35There is no having of the Steve.
02:37We're just friends.
02:38No, we're just friends.
02:39I don't put my dick in you.
02:41Another one of these and I might let you.
02:44There are no dateable men here.
02:46What was your first clue?
02:47Leather jackets or the smell of high karate?
02:49Hey, this is Ricky Manducci.
02:52He's a Capricorn.
02:53A couple of fire fighters.
02:55Yes, ladies.
02:57And Machina on his arm.
03:00Ricky represents Connected 53 in Lower Manhattan.
03:05Yeah.
03:06I'd like to show him my Lower Manhattan.
03:10Ew.
03:12Look at his arms.
03:14They're huge.
03:15You know what they say.
03:16Big arms.
03:17Big arms.
03:19Hello, 911.
03:21I'm on fire.
03:37After the contest, I began to realize that Staten Island was like a quaint European country.
03:43The American music was 20 years behind, and you could smoke wherever you wanted.
03:48Talking about bad girls in the room.
03:53See them out on the street at night.
03:56Picking up our friends and strangers.
03:59Take a price in slice.
04:00You can't score if your pocket's nice.
04:04What you want on the test.
04:08Hi.
04:09Do you know if those shirts are for sale?
04:11Because I'd like to get one for my own nephew.
04:13Uh, yeah, you could buy them, but, like, I don't know if you could buy them here or not.
04:17I got this one at work, but I'm sure you could buy them like those other places.
04:20I see them in those shops, like Ombleeco, or like...
04:22Samantha!
04:23Ricky, how you doing?
04:24Good.
04:25How are you doing?
04:27I saw you up there.
04:28I saw you, too.
04:29You looked fantastic.
04:31Yeah?
04:31Yeah.
04:32I never did anything like that before, but my sisters were like, do it, Ricky, and I'm
04:35like, I never did anything like that before, and they're like...
04:38Well, you did it very well.
04:40Hey, I wonder what month you'll be.
04:43I don't know, maybe like October?
04:45My birthday's in October.
04:46I'll bet July, or any month, it's hot.
04:50Two songs later, it was time for this dancing queen to take a breather.
04:54Hello.
04:55Can I bum a smoke?
04:57Sure.
04:58Thanks.
04:59There you go.
05:01Man, that's good.
05:04I quit three years ago.
05:06How's that working out for you?
05:07Good.
05:08I allow myself one a week.
05:09You live right on the edge, don't you?
05:12Can I buy you a beer?
05:13No, thanks.
05:14I got it.
05:14Come on, it's not me.
05:15You were helping me out during the contest.
05:17Okay, sure.
05:18And by the way, you have the worst taste in men ever.
05:21No way.
05:23You gave that guy from Midtown a seven.
05:26Hey, I like a firefighter with love handles.
05:28Gives you something to hold on to when you ride him down the side of a burning building.
05:31You got a point there, my friend.
05:32But you, you were tough.
05:34And what's with all those half points?
05:36Six and a half, eight and a half.
05:38What can I say?
05:39Sometimes a girl needs a half.
05:43So, which district do you vote?
05:46Whichever one is near Barney's.
05:49Are you saying you've never voted in New York City?
05:51You are correct, Mr. President.
05:52What's your address?
05:54Official government purposes, I can tell you your district.
05:57Officially?
05:59It's 245 East 73rd Street.
06:01District 23.
06:02Same as mine.
06:04I'm at Madison in 82nd.
06:05Fancy.
06:06I thought all honest politicians lived in small studios and ate beans out of can.
06:10I'm not a fan of beans.
06:13Can I get your phone number?
06:15Government purposes only.
06:17You know what?
06:17I'm just here with my friends having a good time.
06:19I'm really not into dating right now.
06:21What, bad breakup?
06:36Well, that was a long silence.
06:39Actually, it was a silence and a half.
06:41Have dinner with me.
06:45Would it help if I took my shirt off?
06:49Okay, time to go.
06:50Politician's hitting on me.
06:51And is that a bad thing?
06:53He's just way too on the guy.
06:55Are you sure?
06:56He's pretty cute.
06:57I don't want to have to tell you this, but I actually saw him give someone a thumbs up.
07:02We're out of here.
07:02Samantha went home with a firefighter.
07:05Hmm, two-two-bee-beef.
07:07And Charlotte's around here, somewhere.
07:11How many cocktails did she have?
07:13A couple.
07:14Why?
07:16No!
07:17Hi, honey.
07:18It's me.
07:19I'm going to see the doctor today.
07:22Because ever since you've been gone, I had a pain deep down inside.
07:27He says there's nothing really wrong with me.
07:30I'm just missing my man.
07:32So, honey, please, come on home as soon as you can.
07:38Doctors' orders say there's only one thing for me.
07:45Nothing he can do.
07:47And so, three girls headed home,
07:50taking with them only their fond memories of Staten Island and its infamous iced teas.
07:57Honey, honey, close up.
07:59It's cold.
07:59Woo-hoo!
08:02Are you going to help?
08:04I held her head in the taxi.
08:09Oh, you're so nice, Carrie.
08:12I'm nice, too, aren't I?
08:14Yes, you're nice.
08:14I'm nice.
08:16I'm nice.
08:17I'm pretty and I'm smart.
08:20I'm a catch.
08:21Yes, you're a catch.
08:23I hate you.
08:25You know what?
08:27I'm going to meet the perfect guy and I'm going to get married.
08:31Yes, you're getting married.
08:33Woo-hoo!
08:34You hear that in New York?
08:36I'm getting married this year!
08:39I'm getting married and here I come!
08:42If she falls over, I will never stop laughing.
08:45I wasn't quite sure if it was the iced teas or the Staten Island dating pool that broke
08:49the camel's back, but something set Charlotte on fire and uptown on dry land.
08:55Samantha and Mr. July had their own fire going.
08:58You are so big and strong!
09:04I believe the official fire department term is a four-alarmor.
09:09The next morning at breakfast, Miranda and I wanted poached eggs.
09:13Samantha wanted to give us the juicy details.
09:15And Charlotte wanted to keep her head from exploding all over her Burberry raincoat.
09:19And I'm telling you, I don't think a guy has ever gotten me that wet.
09:22Is that salt?
09:22Milk?
09:23Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.
09:25Will it be quiet?
09:26People at the next table have a child.
09:29Well, that's their choice.
09:31You know, Little Miss Hanger was right.
09:32Can we lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?
09:34Fine!
09:35I just wanted to let you know that my fireman was every bit the fantasy I had in mind.
09:39New York's finest.
09:40That's cops.
09:41Whatever.
09:42I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy.
09:46Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.
09:48Or nightmare.
09:49You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice big stock portfolio.
09:53For me, it's a fireman with a nice big hose.
09:55And why are firemen always so fucking cute?
09:57Even when they're not that cute, they're still cute.
09:59What's up with that?
10:00Well, first, there's a weight limit.
10:02And second, it's the hero thing.
10:04You know, you see him up on that truck.
10:05That truck is hot.
10:06Hurrying off to save someone trapped on a burning ledge or something.
10:09Plus, they've got that I'm-a-good-guy look in their eyes.
10:12It's that look.
10:13It's because women really just want to be rescued.
10:16There it was.
10:17The sentence, independent single women in their 30s are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.
10:21I'm sorry, but it's true.
10:23I've been dating since I was 15.
10:25I'm exhausted.
10:26Where is he?
10:27Who?
10:27The white knight?
10:28That only happens in fairy tales.
10:30My hair hurts.
10:33Charlotte, honey, did you ever think that maybe we're the white knight?
10:36And we're the ones that have to save ourselves?
10:40That is so depressing.
10:42Is it?
10:44Later that day, I got to thinking about fairy tales.
10:48What if Prince Charming had never showed up?
10:51Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever?
10:53Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health care package, and a
10:59baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank?
11:00I couldn't help but wonder, inside, every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to
11:09be saved?
11:10Was Charlotte right?
11:12Do women just want to be rescued?
11:15And after your laser surgery on Saturday, you'll need a significant other or a friend to help get your home.
11:23Sign here.
11:24While for some women, the idea of rescue was a life raft, for Miranda, it was an insult.
11:29I really don't need anybody to help me.
11:31I'll be fine.
11:32No, you will be sedated and your vision will be blurred.
11:35You will need someone to get your home and up to bed.
11:38Then you take two sleeping pills, sleep for 12 hours, wake up, and you'll be able to see perfectly.
11:44I can't believe I'm going to wake up and be able to see clearly without glasses or contacts for the
11:49first time in my life.
11:50Believe it.
11:53And then they slit your eyeball open and flip up the top.
11:56Oh, man.
11:57Gross.
11:57Steve, it just flips right up.
11:59Flip my eye.
12:00Okay, okay.
12:01Stops.
12:01This little blade cuts it.
12:03Just like the top of a grape.
12:08That sounds pretty bad.
12:12Can I come down and hold your hand?
12:14I'm fine.
12:14I do not need anyone to hold my hand.
12:17Jeez, I'm not saying you need anyone.
12:19I'd just like to be there to help you, whatever.
12:24You're going to need help getting home.
12:25Um, yeah.
12:27I'm going to ask Carrie.
12:29Why do you have to ask Carrie what I'm offering right now?
12:32Because, you know, Carrie's my friend.
12:35Oh, okay.
12:36And what am I?
12:37Well, we haven't exactly established that yet.
12:41Are you coming up?
12:43We haven't exactly established that yet.
12:50What are we doing here?
12:52I mean, are we...
12:52Steve, after they've flipped the eye up,
12:55then these jets are plugged in.
12:59And over on the east side,
13:00at a more Charlotte-friendly bar,
13:03the iced tea princess began her quest for a white knight.
13:06Oh, my God.
13:08So cute.
13:09Cute, right?
13:10Very cute.
13:11And let's not forget, I'm a professional.
13:15I have to meet him.
13:16How am I going to meet him?
13:18Sweetie, we got here ten minutes ago.
13:19Pace yourself.
13:20Hey, beautiful.
13:21I'm JJ.
13:22Can I buy those sweet lips a drink?
13:23Oh, um, I'm sorry.
13:26We were just leaving.
13:28Charlotte was a firm believer in the laws of dating feng shui.
13:31Change location, change luck.
13:33Why is always a guy like that?
13:35Is it me?
13:36No, sweetie, it's not you.
13:37Into every life a little JJ must fall.
13:39I just want a nice, sweet, handsome, funny, great guy
13:44who doesn't say things like sweet lips.
13:46Is that too much to ask?
13:48Hey, hey!
13:49You didn't leave, you're just over here now.
13:51Come on, let me buy you a drink.
13:52I'm really not interested.
13:54Come on, drink.
13:54I'll even buy Blondie here one.
13:56Come on, little drinky.
13:57Excuse me.
13:59She said she's not interested.
14:00Am I talking to you?
14:01No.
14:02Come on, Doc.
14:02You're not listening.
14:03The lady said that she's not...
14:04Hey, fuck you!
14:06Oh!
14:09I'm sorry about that.
14:11Um, did you hurt your hand?
14:14No.
14:14His name was Arthur.
14:16He was a nice, sweet, handsome, funny, great investment banker
14:20who lived between Madison and Fifth.
14:22So maybe they really were white knights.
14:24Ah!
14:25Oh!
14:29The day after Charlotte met her knight,
14:31I met my credit card limit.
14:32With no man in sight,
14:34I decided to rescue my ankles from a life of boredom
14:36by purchasing too many pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes.
14:40Hello.
14:41My name's Bill Kelly,
14:43and I want to be your city comptroller.
14:44You're not seriously here.
14:46Oh, yes, ma'am.
14:46I assure you, I am.
14:47And I brought along some voter registration forms.
14:50I took the liberty of filling out your name.
14:52Under occupation, I put heartbreaker.
14:54I really did.
14:54Look.
14:55You're like a Jehovah's Witness with a good suit.
14:59So, uh, how long you been sitting here?
15:01Your number's not listed.
15:02Exactly.
15:02What'd you buy?
15:04Shoes.
15:04Let me see.
15:06Come on, sit down and show me.
15:08God, you are...
15:09I know.
15:14I'm not showing you a shoe.
15:16Ooh.
15:17Sexy.
15:19Hey, I need a favor.
15:21Oh, you do?
15:22Actually, it's for the city of New York.
15:23See, I really am one of the good guys.
15:25And right now, I'm carrying all the boroughs,
15:27but I still need help in Staten Island.
15:28You want one?
15:29No, I had one Thursday.
15:32So, here's the thing.
15:33I gotta go back out there
15:34to do a, uh, schmooze at the Capri restaurant
15:37on Sunday night
15:38and I want you to go with me.
15:40And why is that?
15:42Because I have great antenna.
15:44And also,
15:45for the record,
15:48I can't stop thinking about you.
15:51So, I'll pick you up at 7.
15:53All right.
15:54No.
15:54Don't answer now.
15:55I just did.
15:56Think about it.
15:56I'll drive by at 7.
15:58I'll wait down in the car.
15:59You come down,
16:00you come.
16:01You don't.
16:01No pressure.
16:02Wear the shoes.
16:04Oh.
16:04Look at these.
16:06Pass them.
16:07No.
16:08That Saturday,
16:09when I was unable to take Miranda
16:11to her laser surgery
16:12due to a looming column deadline,
16:14she didn't call Steve.
16:15She decided to take things
16:17into her own hands.
16:18Who needs a man to hold your hand
16:20when you have cab fare
16:21and a big black marker
16:22to write down emergency numbers.
16:25And while Miranda
16:26was under the knife,
16:27Charlotte was having
16:28her first glass of white wine
16:29with her white knife.
16:30So I did the hasty pudding show
16:31a couple times
16:32just to blow off steam.
16:33My friend Tom says
16:34that Harvard is still
16:35the most massively aggressive place
16:37he's ever seen.
16:38And he's a traitor.
16:39Not Tom Kennedy.
16:40Oh my God, yes.
16:41Do you know Tom?
16:42Great guy.
16:43And how about his wife?
16:44Now that's my idea
16:45of the perfect marriage.
16:47Totally.
16:48Charlotte nodded,
16:49thinking,
16:49what a nice, sweet,
16:50handsome, funny,
16:51great couple they made.
16:53Excuse me.
16:54You just bumped into her chair.
16:56A little crowded.
16:57Yes, it's crowded,
16:57but you bumped her chair,
16:59spilled her wine.
16:59You should say you're sorry.
17:01It's okay.
17:02No, it's not okay.
17:04That's no way
17:04to treat a lady.
17:06Lighten up.
17:07It's brunch.
17:14Charlotte suddenly realized
17:15that her date wasn't a man
17:16who came to a woman's rescue.
17:18He was a man
17:19who liked to start fights.
17:21Excuse me, sir.
17:21You want a piece of meat?
17:24And just like that,
17:25Charlotte's white knight
17:26changed into a white nightmare.
17:30Miss Hobbs,
17:31your friend is here.
17:34Carrie?
17:35Actually, no, it's me.
17:36Carrie,
17:37I thought you might need a little help.
17:38Is that okay?
17:39I'm on Valium.
17:40Everything's okay.
17:43Here, give me your hand.
17:44I'm good.
17:47Just don't let me hit the door frame
17:49and never mention these goggles.
17:53One cab ride
17:54and two potent sleeping pills later,
17:56Steve put Miranda to bed.
17:58All right, okay.
17:59No, give me your leg.
18:01No, yeah, this leg.
18:02No.
18:03I want this leg.
18:03Give me the leg.
18:04No, no rescue.
18:06Yeah, all right.
18:06Fine, okay.
18:07All right.
18:08Put your feet on,
18:09you sleeping beauty.
18:14The next morning,
18:15after what felt like she'd slept
18:17for a hundred years,
18:18Miranda awoke.
18:27And for the first time in her life,
18:29saw things clearly.
18:44That night,
18:45Mr. July invited Samantha
18:46to come down
18:47and hang with him
18:49while he worked the Sunday shift.
18:51Hello.
18:53Where is everyone?
18:55The idea of spending time
18:56in a firehouse
18:57filled with a veritable calendar year
18:58of hot firemen
18:59was a fantasy, Samantha Feld,
19:01whose time had most definitely come.
19:03Come on, boys.
19:11This was not the firehouse fantasy
19:13Samantha had in mind.
19:19Hey, Samantha.
19:21I just put a pot of chili on you.
19:22Come on, come on, sit down.
19:23Come on, brother.
19:24Get up.
19:24Take a look for Sam.
19:28I'll be right back.
19:30Samantha's rescue fantasy
19:31was suddenly something
19:32she needed to be rescued from.
19:38It's me.
19:39Leave a message.
19:40Hey.
19:42I'm still down here in the car.
19:45All right, I'll wait ten more seconds
19:47and then I'll go along.
19:49Ten,
19:50nine,
19:51eight,
19:52seven,
19:53six,
19:53poor me.
19:56Five,
19:57four,
19:58three,
20:00two,
20:02one.
20:03One and a half.
20:05Sometimes a girl needs a half.
20:08Okay, that was my best shot.
20:11You're not coming.
20:13So long.
20:14Vote.
20:29I don't know what I'm doing.
20:31Okay.
20:32I'm standing here,
20:33fully dressed,
20:35watching that
20:37politician guy
20:37drive off to Staten Island
20:39without me.
20:39Why?
20:40You hate Staten Island?
20:41No, I don't think so.
20:42Any other ideas?
20:47Just say it.
20:50Big.
20:50You're terrified of getting hurt again.
20:52There it was.
20:53The phrase
20:54single independent women
20:55in their thirties
20:56are never supposed to think,
20:57let alone say out loud.
20:59Yep, okay, gotta go.
21:02Miranda was right.
21:03I was like a woman
21:04frozen on the ledge
21:05of a building on fire.
21:06I'd been so burned
21:07in my last relationship,
21:09I was afraid to leap off
21:10into the next one.
21:28Hey, hi, how'd you get here?
21:31Very.
21:32All alone?
21:33I'm very independent.
21:35I can see that.
21:36And this isn't a date.
21:39I'm here as a concerned citizen.
21:41There's a woman on my block
21:42who will not pick up
21:43after her poodle.
21:43I'll see what I can do.
21:45Can I take your coat?
21:48And, Mr. President,
21:51it was a bad breakup,
21:53so I need to take this slow.
22:00Somewhere between the chilly
22:02and halftime,
22:03Samantha decided
22:03if she wanted her
22:04firehouse fantasy to happen,
22:06she'd have to make it happen.
22:07Up here!
22:14Nice pole.
22:15Want to see it again?
22:16Oh, yeah.
22:21Samantha rode the pole
22:23a couple of times that night.
22:29Why are these boots
22:30set up like this, huh?
22:32You have to be ready
22:32at a moment's notice.
22:34Oh.
22:34Well, I should be a fireman
22:37because I'm always
22:38ready to go.
22:42Got a job.
22:46Get out of my gear.
22:47Hmm?
22:48Get the fuck
22:48out of my fucking gear.
22:50Let's go.
22:50Move, ladies.
22:51It's a fucking fire.
22:53Move.
22:53Sounds great.
22:55Come on.
22:55Let's go, guys.
22:56Let's go.
22:57Let's go.
22:58Oh, God.
22:59Oh, God.
23:00Oh, God.
23:01Oh, God.
23:02Oh, God.
23:02Oh, God.
23:02Oh, God.
23:03Oh, God.
23:05Oh, God.
23:11Samantha learned there was
23:12quite a difference
23:13between a rescue fantasy
23:14and a rescue reality.
23:20It's getting really late.
23:21You're sure I can't give you a ride?
23:23No, no.
23:25I'm good.
23:27You go.
23:29You go do your thing.
23:31Hey, do I get your vote?
23:38Too fast?
23:43Oh, my God.
23:44You're so sexy.
23:44Come home with me.
23:46No, no, no.
23:46Kissing is enough.
23:48It's enough for tonight, really.
23:50Oh, shit.
23:51Oh, shit.
24:00It's almost 12.
24:01I'm going to miss the last ferry.
24:15Oh, wait!
24:17Oh!
24:20Wait!
24:24I lost my shoe!
24:28Shit.
24:44Did you ride?
24:48Well, he didn't have a white horse,
24:50but he did have a BMW with a working heater.
24:53So I guess sometimes a woman absolutely has to be rescued.
24:58You're taking me to my apartment, and that's it.
25:00That's it.
25:01For tonight.
25:07Now, do you have any idea how we get the fuck off this island?
25:10Um, okay, make a right.
25:12And sometimes a woman absolutely has to rescue a man.
25:16At least that's how it ends in this Staten Island fairy tale.
25:21I have been dating politician Bill Kelly for three weeks now.
25:24Since most of my time with him was spent on the campaign trail, I decided to dress the part.
25:28I found some vintage Halston and did a spin on Jackie Kennedy, the early years.
25:34Let's go, Kelly.
25:41Who here knows what a city comptroller does?
25:43Me!
25:46You do?
25:46I figured we'd made a good match.
25:49I was adept at fashion.
25:50He was adept at politics.
25:52At the heart of this world city is a populace whose passion, love, and devotion to their home...
25:57And really, what's the difference?
25:58They're both about recycling shop-borne ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring.
26:03And it is this unique love affair,
26:05this symbiotic relationship between citizenry and city,
26:09that I promise to cherish and protect.
26:25Can I, uh, can I talk to you about Proposition 114?
26:28What is that?
26:29You and me in the bedroom.
26:32Is that on the ballot?
26:34Well, it ought to be.
26:35I'd back it.
26:36On this or whatever position you want.
26:40Which way is the bedroom?
26:41Oh.
26:42Ah!
26:44Look me down!
26:47Oh, my God!
26:49Oh, you're all mad!
26:52That was the night I had my political consciousness raised.
26:58So, how about a movie Wednesday night?
27:00Wednesday?
27:01I'm not sure.
27:02I might be working.
27:03Thursday then.
27:05Okay, maybe Thursday.
27:06I'll see.
27:08What?
27:08Do you have plans?
27:10Dave, you can't just assume that I'm going to be free every night, right?
27:14Ah!
27:15Is it a date?
27:17It could be a date.
27:19In which case, I wouldn't necessarily share that information with you.
27:22Why not?
27:23I'd like to know.
27:24Who are you dating?
27:24Nobody in particular.
27:26Anybody specific?
27:27What is this, the third degree?
27:29I'm just trying to figure out when I get to see you again.
27:33I'm not dating anyone else.
27:34I'm not planning on dating anyone else.
27:40I just want to see you.
27:42I see.
27:45Exclusively.
27:49I got it.
27:51That's very sweet.
27:52I just hadn't thought about things that way.
27:55So think about it.
27:58Okay.
27:59Because I thought about it, and I think if we really want to see if things can work out
28:02between us this time, we've got to at least make the commitment to be exclusive.
28:08Okay.
28:10I hear you.
28:12Okay.
28:13Okay.
28:14Okay.
28:16Okay.
28:17Okay.
28:20The truth was, there were no other candidates in sight.
28:23But Miranda wasn't sure she was ready to let Steve win by default.
28:28I can't believe you're dating a politician.
28:30You're not even registered to vote.
28:31It's the undecideds they're really after.
28:33Well, I totally get it.
28:34Not only is he good looking, but he's got the power thing going for him.
28:37It's got to be a turn on.
28:39Oh, yeah.
28:39I'm dating a potential controller.
28:41It's hot.
28:42I want to help out with the campaign.
28:44Since when are you interested in politics?
28:46Always.
28:47It's a really great way to meet men, and with Carrie by our side, we can just get to meet
28:51the inner circle and all the really interesting donors.
28:54By interesting men, she means single and rich.
28:57Well, guys, he's not running for president.
28:59Oh, he should.
28:59I'd vote for him.
29:00He's really cute.
29:02So?
29:03I always vote for candidates according to their looks.
29:05I base my decision on the swimsuit competition.
29:08The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House.
29:12I mean, look what happened with Nixon.
29:14No one wanted to fuck him.
29:15So he fucked everyone.
29:16I used to have a college crush on Dan Quayle.
29:18The country needs a president and a hat.
29:20No one wears a hat anymore.
29:22FDR.
29:23The president wore a hat.
29:25So busy picking out a hat, he forgot to get in the war.
29:28I had a college crush on Dan Quayle.
29:31Yeah, we pretty much tried to ignore that the first time.
29:33I think it was his crisp white shirt.
29:36Reminded me of my father.
29:37So basically, you're just voting for your father.
29:39I always thought there was something homoerotic about Quayle's relationship with Bush,
29:43very bad, men and Robin.
29:44Well, based strictly on looks, no one was more handsome than JFK.
29:49Or quicker to jump in the sack, I might add.
29:51I'm glad you three weren't around during the original 13 colonies.
29:54I don't think our founding fathers were very fuckable.
29:57I don't know.
29:58I heard that Thomas Jefferson was a real fox.
30:01There we were.
30:02Just four girls talking politics.
30:05Meanwhile, Miranda was facing a day at the polls a bit earlier than she expected.
30:09Last night, as we were walking home from dinner, Steve asked me to go steady.
30:13Oh, how sweet.
30:14They still call it that?
30:15I don't know that I can make that kind of commitment.
30:17Well, how many other guys are you dating?
30:19That's not the point.
30:20I'm just so ambivalent about Steve and moving forward.
30:23Well, you did let him back in your life.
30:24So?
30:25So that's got to mean there's something there.
30:27Sure, there's plenty there.
30:29Lots of flaws that make me not want to stick my neck out.
30:31But then there's a lot of really great stuff, too.
30:33Maybe I should just be honest and tell him what I'm really feeling, which is, what if
30:37somebody better comes along?
30:38You've got to put a better spin on it than that.
30:41You see, that's my problem.
30:43I don't know how to be political in relationships.
30:46Uh-oh.
30:47It's time for the old list.
30:48Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve.
30:51I see which column is longer.
30:52That's so judgmental.
30:53Miranda, you are judgmental.
30:55Why don't you put it to good use?
30:57Okay.
30:58Fine.
31:00I'll make a list.
31:02Though politics had always seemed as relevant to me as a new Erika Jong novel, I did find
31:07it interesting that a discussion about politics ultimately became a discussion about sex, and
31:12a discussion about sex ultimately became a question of politics, which led me to wonder
31:17if the two weren't, in fact, inextricably linked.
31:20And if so, can there be sex without politics?
31:25That night, Samantha discovered a hot new candidate of her own.
31:28Hey there, pink lady.
31:29Can I buy that for you?
31:32Maybe.
31:32If you promise never to use a lame line like that ever again.
31:35It worked, didn't it?
31:36Jeff, then.
31:37Samantha Jones.
31:38You are damn attractive, and that is not a lie.
31:41Jeff, how long have you been sitting at this bar?
31:44My first drink.
31:45So you're just naturally forward?
31:46I'm aggressive.
31:47I run a very successful hedge fund.
31:49My whole life is about calculating risk.
31:51And telling a beautiful lady she's attractive?
31:54That's the safest bet I've made all day.
31:58You like to ski?
31:59I love it.
32:00My partners and I have this gorgeous house in Sun Valley.
32:03How long have you been skiing?
32:04On and off for years.
32:05I can tell you've got the legs for the sport.
32:08Shit.
32:09I've got to run back to the office.
32:11How about dinner this week?
32:13Because I get to tell you everything about me.
32:15I didn't get a chance to hear anything about you.
32:16Samantha never felt better.
32:18There were gorgeous women sitting on either side,
32:20and Jeff had elected her.
32:22Fenton Partners.
32:23That's right.
32:24We're at 320% for the year.
32:28Samantha Jones.
32:29Perfect relations.
32:30Very nice.
32:31You must do well.
32:32Like, who's going to say no to you?
32:34What do you say to dinner?
32:35Friday night?
32:36I think that might work.
32:37And just as her self-esteem was soaring right off the charts.
32:41Nice to meet you, pink lady.
32:43I'll give you a call.
32:46Bye.
32:52Later that week,
32:53I brought the Single Ladies Coalition to elect Bill Kelly to a fundraiser.
32:57What do you guys consider to be the height difference
32:59between a short person and a little person?
33:01A little person?
33:02You know, a midget.
33:03A midget or a dwarf?
33:04What's the difference?
33:05I'm not sure, actually.
33:06I think little person is the proper way to refer to an adult under five feet.
33:10Well, and I agreed to go on a date with a very short person.
33:13But I didn't realize he was so short.
33:15I mean, sitting down, he was perfectly proportional.
33:17Standing up, he barely clears my nipples.
33:19Well, that may be the perfect height.
33:20I'd like to cancel the thing, but I can't just because he's a munchkin.
33:23You know, this is a very politically incorrect conversation to be having at a political fundraiser.
33:27But anything less than five feet is unacceptable.
33:30Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go mingle because there are a lot of cute guys here
33:33and these things never last beyond two martinis.
33:36Charlotte was running her own campaign.
33:38She was determined to be elected wife before the year was out.
33:41Here's Miranda.
33:43Give me that.
33:44Hey.
33:45Hey, baby.
33:46Hi.
33:47Tell me again, why are we voting for this guy?
33:49Well, he's calling for an investigation into the Board of Education to weed out waste and fraud,
33:53and he's launched a probe against large corporations to make them stop throwing away your tax dollars.
33:58I'm sleeping with him.
34:00Good enough for me.
34:01Come on, I'll introduce him.
34:06Jesus Christ, that guy talks more than I do.
34:08Hi.
34:08Hi.
34:09This is the lovely Miranda Hobbs.
34:11Hi.
34:11Hello.
34:11And her friend, Steve Brady.
34:13Hi.
34:13How are you doing?
34:13I've heard such wonderful things about you.
34:15You must be reading my clippings.
34:17I pay a lot of people a lot of money to say nice things about you.
34:19Hey, if you win, maybe you can fix a couple of parking tickets for me.
34:22I owe the city of New York 500 bucks.
34:24I think I need the money more than they do.
34:27Wait, it's a joke.
34:28Come on, he knows I'm kidding.
34:32Now, grab us a drink.
34:33It's nice meeting you.
34:34Nice meeting you.
34:35We have the mayor's mic over here.
34:37Excuse me.
34:39The dumb jokes.
34:40Con.
34:42Cute butt.
34:44Pro.
34:46I don't believe in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party.
34:49I just believe in parties.
34:52Across the room, Charlotte was stumping for her cause and making new friends.
34:56I love Lichtenstein.
34:57But then I loved comic books as a kid, too.
35:00But that's great.
35:01His work is accessible on so many levels.
35:04Sweetheart, this is Charlotte.
35:06She runs a gallery downtown.
35:08Charlotte is my fiancée, Catherine.
35:10Hi.
35:11Nice to meet you.
35:13Guess who's here.
35:14Who?
35:16Stanford.
35:17Hey.
35:19I can only stay a few minutes.
35:21I've got tickets to the vagina monologues.
35:22Why?
35:23Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
35:27Quick.
35:28No one's looking.
35:28Give me a sip of your drink.
35:29Hey, Bill.
35:30This is my fabulous friend, Stanford Blatch.
35:32Bill Kelly.
35:32Hello.
35:33I represent the queer vote.
35:35If you can carry Chelsea, you've got the city locked up.
35:38I'm not worried about Chelsea.
35:39Have you seen my ass?
35:41Got my vote.
35:43Mr. McGrath.
35:43Twelve o'clock.
35:44Oh, excuse me.
35:48Who's that guy?
35:50Oh, that's his campaign manager.
35:52Fix me up.
35:54How do you even know he's gay?
35:56I've seen him rollerblading on 8th Avenue.
35:58Oh.
35:59That's enough.
36:01Please.
36:03Great.
36:04Now I'm a first lady and a pimp.
36:10Hey, excuse me.
36:13Um, this is awkward, so feel free to stop me at any time, but, um, there's a person here
36:20who'd like to meet you.
36:21Okay.
36:22A guy.
36:25Keep going.
36:27Oh, okay, well, um, it's the guy right over there.
36:34You mean the blonde guy with the great arms?
36:41Oh, uh, actually, no, it's the, it's the bald guy with the great sense of humor.
36:50Do you know the blonde guy?
36:51No.
36:53This is really much more my type.
36:55Okay.
36:57Well, go Kelly.
37:01I wondered how to handle this political hot potato.
37:05He's not gay.
37:07I could have sworn he was.
37:08Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
37:10I realized I was getting good at politics.
37:12Come on.
37:12I am just so at the place where I'm just really ready to settle down.
37:17I mean, it just seems like a miracle when two nice people like you guys can even find
37:21each other.
37:21Actually, we met in the most unusual way.
37:24One of my girlfriends threw a party where all the women were asked to bring a man they
37:27weren't interested in.
37:29Somebody brought Bob.
37:31And the rest is history.
37:33Oh, I love that.
37:35One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
37:41Bill raised six grand that night.
37:43It really got him in the mood.
37:45You know, you're the first woman in a long, long time that I have felt this intimate with.
37:50You're so beautiful.
37:51So funny.
37:53You're great.
37:55I love making love with you.
37:57The feeling's mutual.
38:00Is there anything you want or need that I'm not doing?
38:02No.
38:03It's great.
38:04I want to know.
38:05I want to make you happy.
38:06Well, I am happy.
38:09What about you?
38:10Is there anything that you want or need that I'm not doing?
38:12No.
38:16Well, maybe one thing.
38:17What?
38:20Well, I would love to get you in the shower.
38:23Mm-hmm.
38:24And get each other all fresh and clean.
38:26Well, that sounds nice.
38:28And then, let you pee on me.
38:37I would be very worried if I were you.
38:39The pee could just be foreplay.
38:40Oh, my God.
38:41Where there's smoke.
38:42I'm just saying.
38:43This is so typical of men in power.
38:45They just love to be dominated and humiliated.
38:47What did you say when he asked you?
38:49Well, I told him I'd just gone, but maybe another time.
38:52But I really don't think that I can keep saying that forever.
38:55I peed on a guy once during sex, but it was an accident.
38:59What did he say?
39:00Honestly, I don't even think he noticed.
39:02Oh.
39:02I once had to stop eating meat for six months.
39:04So this is what it's come down to.
39:06Ready, set, pee.
39:09Look, sometimes for the right guy, you have to make concessions.
39:12There's always going to be something.
39:13Are you guys seriously advocating that I do this?
39:15Well, why not?
39:16He's a great-looking, rich political prince.
39:18Oh, sure.
39:18It's practically a fairy tale of Princess and the Pea.
39:24You know, if you really feel like you can't work it out with Bill,
39:26then just bring him to this party I'm having Friday night.
39:28Everyone is bringing a guy they're no longer interested in.
39:31That's a great idea.
39:32I can bring my short guy.
39:33Yes.
39:34Oh, yeah, that's terrific.
39:35You're dating a munchkin, and I've got to follow the yellow brick road.
39:38A couple of nights later, and no closer to a solution,
39:41I had a date with Bill.
39:42He took me to his favorite Indian restaurant
39:44that boasted the hottest curry in the city.
39:47So I just got some new Poles,
39:49which had me way ahead in Manhattan and Brooklyn,
39:51but for some reason I'm lagging in the Bronx.
39:53I may have to spend another 50 grand just to buy myself some voter turnout.
39:57It's pretty hot, isn't it?
39:58Have some water.
39:59Oh, no, I'm fine.
40:01Excuse me.
40:02Yes, sir.
40:03Can I get another one of these?
40:04Want a beer?
40:06So, I read your column yesterday.
40:08You did?
40:09Yeah, it's great.
40:10Very funny.
40:11Just one question.
40:12Who's the handsome politico you keep referring to?
40:15Oh, he's just some other fellow I'm seeing in Washington.
40:19You don't mind, do you?
40:20Hey, my life is an open book.
40:22It has to be.
40:27What I really love about the column is the way you seem to feel about it.
40:30And it's mutual.
40:31Even if I can't put it in print the way you do.
40:35I am so crazy about you.
40:39Me too.
40:41Listen, I was really hoping we could spend the night together,
40:43but I have an early breakfast meeting with the Brooklyn Bridge Preservation Center.
40:46Oh, there's no problem.
40:49Rain check?
40:54That Friday night, Charlotte threw her used date party.
40:59Hi!
41:00You made it!
41:03There are so many eligible men here.
41:05Hi, Charlotte.
41:06Nice apartment.
41:06Can I get you something?
41:07Yes, immediately, if not sooner.
41:11You brought Stanford?
41:13Well, you said to bring a man you're not interested in.
41:15You're making a mockery of this party.
41:18Carrie, Charlotte!
41:19Hi!
41:19Hey, this is Jeff Benton.
41:22Ladies.
41:23How do you do?
41:24It's a pleasure.
41:25Hi.
41:26I'll take your coat.
41:28Take your time.
41:30Mingle!
41:32Is that the smallest man you've ever seen?
41:34If you ladies will excuse me, I have to go meet my eligible guests.
41:37I've got to get busy, too.
41:47Carrie!
41:48Hey!
41:48Hey!
41:49What are you doing here?
41:50Well, I figure before I finalize the list, I should see what's out there.
41:58How's that list going?
41:59Great!
41:59Fine.
42:01I'm guessing that's Samantha's little friend.
42:03Oh, yeah.
42:05You've got to go to Cuba now.
42:06Another year will be too late.
42:08But can't you get arrested for going?
42:09No, you just fly through Canada.
42:11They love Americans.
42:12Hey, I'll email you some of my pictures if you want.
42:14Yeah, I'd love to see them.
42:16Charlotte, right?
42:17Right, and...
42:19Greg Miller.
42:20Very nice to meet you, Greg.
42:28Haven't any luck?
42:30Excuse me?
42:31I'm meeting someone.
42:33Well, I'm kind of over here with somebody.
42:37Yeah.
42:38An ex-girlfriend, right?
42:40What are you talking about?
42:42I don't have a clue.
42:45Give me a call.
42:49You brought me here to dump me?
42:51Not exactly.
42:52I just thought maybe you could meet someone else.
42:55You're...
42:55You're on side.
42:56Listen, sweetheart.
42:57Give me an hour and a sec, and you'll swear I'm the jelly green giant.
43:00Oh, really?
43:01Oh, really?
43:02I'm the best you've ever had.
43:03Samantha felt so politically incorrect about dumping a man for his height,
43:07that she felt she had no other option than to sleep with him.
43:09Fine.
43:10Let's go.
43:16Okay, I'm ready to go.
43:18There's no one here for us.
43:19Oh, speak for yourself.
43:20If these guys are in their thirties, and these women don't want them,
43:23there might just be a little something here for me.
43:26I'll talk to you tomorrow.
43:29Bye.
43:35Hi.
43:36I'm an adventure travel junkie.
43:38I took the entire year off after business school,
43:40tracked the old spice route through 80.
43:42Wow.
43:43Talking to Greg, Charlotte felt like she had unearthed a rare coin
43:46that some other woman had thoughtlessly discarded.
43:49Hi.
43:49Hey, Charlotte, this is my ex, Melinda Peters.
43:52She kind of hooked me up with his name.
43:53Hi.
43:54You must be a friend of Karen's.
43:55Mm-hmm.
43:56Thank you so much for bringing this wonderful man.
43:59You're welcome.
44:00Can I talk to you for a minute?
44:02Sure.
44:02Excuse me.
44:05Hi.
44:06Hi, Charlotte.
44:06Thanks for coming.
44:10Hey.
44:11Hi.
44:12Hi.
44:12Apparently, once Melinda saw Greg talking to another woman,
44:15he suddenly looked all shiny and new again.
44:27That night, Jeff proved to Samantha that he more than made up
44:31for his shortcomings.
44:38Samantha told us later, it was like having sex with a horny Smurf.
44:44Meanwhile, across town, Steve was busy stuffing Miranda's ballot box.
44:56You know, I'm not looking for a quick answer on the monogamy thing.
45:03It's probably just something that's got to happen on its own.
45:06Yeah.
45:12It's just I wanted you to know how I feel.
45:15You're the best woman I ever met.
45:20I want you to know that.
45:26I love you, Miranda.
45:29I really do.
45:32Suddenly, Steve had just verbalized the one big pro
45:36that outweighed all the cons.
45:39Later that week, Samantha decided to put her heels in storage
45:43and give Jeff another chance.
45:44I'll be right back.
46:00Samantha was stunned.
46:02It was one thing to date a man who went to the little boy's room,
46:05quite another to date one who still shopped at the little boy's department.
46:10Samantha.
46:11Oh, I'm not feeling very well.
46:14I've got to go.
46:15Good night.
46:15Wait, I'll take you.
46:18I'm not really sick.
46:20Look, Jeff, I can't do this.
46:22It's not a very good idea.
46:23I just don't want to lead you on.
46:25Lead me on?
46:26You came five times the other night.
46:28Well, it's not really bad.
46:30What?
46:30What is it?
46:31What happened in the past five minutes?
46:34You shop at the boy's department.
46:37So what?
46:38The clothes fit me better.
46:39Plus, they're cheaper.
46:40Where do you shop?
46:41The big and tall whore store?
46:44You know, you're nothing but a big dick with a little man attached.
46:48And you're nothing but a big pair of tits with too much extra leg room.
46:54Surprisingly, Samantha had found what she was really looking for.
46:58And it had nothing to do with size.
46:59Hey, somebody get me a booster chair.
47:02She had found a man who made her laugh.
47:05They dated for two weeks.
47:06Though he was short, it was a very long relationship for Samantha.
47:10That same night, parched and nervous, I spent another night with Bill.
47:15Man, that was great.
47:17Yes, it was.
47:19Come on, let's go take a shower.
47:31Come on.
47:50Come on, get in here while it's hot.
47:56Bill, can I talk to you about something?
47:58Okay.
48:05I've been giving this, uh, peeing thing a lot of thought, and while I think it's totally
48:10fine that that's what you're into, I've just, it's just never really been my thing.
48:16Oh, yeah?
48:17Yeah, so I thought instead, um, maybe you could close your eyes and I could dribble warm tea
48:24on you.
48:25That might feel good, or, uh, maybe, um, you might, uh, think it's fun to, you know,
48:33hear the sound of running water when we have sex.
48:37And if, if things got really serious between us, I could maybe even leave the bathroom door
48:46open sometime.
48:47Although, honestly, I'm really, I'm really not sure how comfortable I, I would be with
48:51that either.
48:53You know, something I wanted to tell you too.
48:57Some people connected with the campaign read your column, and, uh, they had a different
49:02take on it than I did.
49:05What does that mean?
49:06Well, they thought it was really funny and clever, but, uh, that it was a lot about sex.
49:13And they don't think it's such a good idea for me to be dating a sex columnist so close
49:18to the election.
49:19You know, they thought it was kind of seeming.
49:23Wait a second.
49:24I may write about sex, but you like people to pee on you.
49:31Yeah, but nobody knows about that.
49:43I realized that politics had not only entered my bedroom, but my bathroom as well.
49:48And I decided then and there that my bravest political act would be to tell the truth.
49:57Of course, I didn't use his real name.
49:59It was much more political not to.
50:06It was much more political not to.
50:06It was much more political not to.
50:07It was much more political not to.
50:07It was much political not to.
50:07It was political not to.