- 3 days ago
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00:02Oh, God. Bills, bills, bills.
00:05One is born, one runs up bills, one dies.
00:08And what have I got to show for it? Nothing.
00:10A butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo.
00:14Honestly, Balric, sometimes I feel like a pelican.
00:17Whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me.
00:21Pass the biscuit barrel.
00:23Let's see what's in the kitty, shall we?
00:28Ninepence.
00:28Oh, God, what are we going to do?
00:30Don't worry, Mr B. I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
00:35Yes, Balric, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting
00:39off her head.
00:41But this is a really good one.
00:43You become a dashing highwayman, then you can pay all your bills, and on top of that, everyone will want
00:49to sleep with you.
00:50Balric, I could become a prostitute and pay my bills.
00:53And everyone would want to sleep with me, but I do consider certain professions beneath me.
00:57Besides which, I fail to see why a common thief should be idolised.
01:00Just because he has a horse between his legs.
01:02My favourite's the shadow.
01:04What a man.
01:05They say he's halfway to being the new Robin Hood.
01:08Why only halfway?
01:09Well, he steals from the rich, but he hasn't got round to giving it to the poor.
01:13Look, I've got a poster of him.
01:15Balric, I have no desire to get hung for wearing a silly hat.
01:19If I want to get rich quick, all I have to do is go upstairs and ask Prince Fathead for
01:23a rise.
01:25Oh, the bank's open.
01:31Good morning, sir.
01:32May I say how immensely rich you're looking.
01:35Now, was there anything you wanted, sir? Anything at all? Absolutely anything?
01:38Well, yes, old fellow, I was wondering if you could possibly lend me a bit of cash.
01:41But of course, sir, I... cash?
01:43Yes!
01:44I'm rotten, stinking, stony, stinking broke.
01:48Sir, what about the £5,000 that Parliament voted you only last week to drink yourself to death with?
01:53Oh, darn, I'm afraid.
01:54You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun new game.
01:58It's called Cards.
01:59What happens is, you sit round a table with your friends, and you deal out five cards each.
02:04And then the object of the game is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
02:08Do you know it?
02:09Vaguely, sir, yes.
02:10All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
02:12I seem to remember I was very bad at it.
02:14I always seem to end up with more money than I started with.
02:16Yes, well, it's all down to practice.
02:18I'm a natural, apparently.
02:19The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty damned expensive.
02:22So, basically, I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundreds.
02:24I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
02:25I'm as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enormous tax bill
02:29on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse taking all the cheese.
02:33What am I going to do?
02:34Yes, it's a difficult one.
02:36Well, let's see now.
02:37You can't borrow money.
02:39You're not going to inherit any money.
02:41And, obviously, you can't earn money.
02:43Sir?
02:44Sir?
02:45Drastic situations call for drastic measures.
02:48If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it.
02:51Marry?
02:52Never!
02:53I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder!
02:55I'm a roarer!
02:56A rogerer!
02:57A gorger!
02:58And a puker!
02:59I can't marry!
03:00I'm young!
03:01I'm firm buttocked!
03:02I'm...
03:03Broke.
03:04Well, yes, I suppose so.
03:06And don't forget, sir, that the modern church smiles on roaring and gorging within wedlock.
03:10And, indeed, rogering is keenly encouraged.
03:14And the puking?
03:16I believe it's still very much down to the conscience of the individual churchguards.
03:20Oh, yes!
03:20Tally-ho, then, Blackadder!
03:21Yes, you fix it up!
03:22You know the kind of girls I like.
03:24They've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers!
03:27And bonkers.
03:29That goes without saying.
03:32Oh, God!
03:33Something wrong, Mr. B?
03:35I can't find a single person suitable to marry the prince.
03:38Oh, please keep trying.
03:39I love a royal wedding.
03:40The excitement, the crowds, the souvenir mugs.
03:44And worrying about whether the bride's lost weight.
03:49Unlikely with this lot, I'm afraid.
03:50If the prince had stipulated must weigh a quarter of a tonne, we'd be laughing.
03:54Of the 262 princesses in Europe, 165 are over 80.
03:58They're out.
03:5947 are under 10.
04:01They're out.
04:01And 39 are mad.
04:03Well, they sound ideal.
04:04Well, they would be if they hadn't all got married last week in Munich to the same horse.
04:09Which leaves us with two.
04:11And what about them?
04:12Well, there's Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin.
04:14We'll never get her to marry him.
04:16Why not?
04:16Because she's met him.
04:21Which leaves.
04:23Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
04:26And what's wrong with her?
04:27Get more coffee.
04:28It's horrid.
04:28Change it.
04:29Take me roughly from behind.
04:30No, not like that.
04:30Not like this.
04:31Trousers off.
04:32Tackle out.
04:32Water dog.
04:33Where's my peasant?
04:34All right.
04:34Which one do you want me to do first?
04:37No, that's what Caroline's like.
04:40She's famous for having the worst personality in Germany.
04:43And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
04:48So, you're stuck then?
04:50Yes, I'm afraid I am.
04:53Unless...
04:53Oh, unless.
04:54Pass me the paper, Balric, quick.
04:57Balric, why has half the front page been cut out?
05:01I don't know.
05:02You do know, don't you?
05:03Yes.
05:05You've been cutting out the cuttings about the elusive shadow to put in your highwayman's scrapbook, haven't you?
05:10Oh, I can't help it, Mr B.
05:12His life is so dark and shadowy and full of fear and trepidation.
05:18So is going to the toilet in the middle of the night when you don't keep a scrapbook on it.
05:22Oh, do?
05:22Let's see.
05:24Now, let's see.
05:25Society pages.
05:26You see, it needn't necessarily be a princess.
05:28All the prince wants is someone pretty and rich.
05:31Oh, dear.
05:31That rules me out, then.
05:32Now, let me see.
05:33Bo Brummel in purple pants.
05:36Probe.
05:38King talks to tree.
05:40Few what a loony.
05:43God, the times has really gone downhill recently.
05:46Aha!
05:47Listen to this.
05:48Listen to this.
05:49Mysterious northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, comes to London and spends flipping great wadges of cash.
05:57That's our baby.
06:00Honestly, Blackadder, I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed.
06:02Soon as I get to the naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be de-bagged and radished for non-payment of debts.
06:08Radished, sir?
06:09Yes, they pull your breeches down and push a large radish.
06:11Yes, yes, yes, all right.
06:15There's no need to hammer it home.
06:18As a matter of fact, they do want...
06:19No, no!
06:22Your money worries are over, sir.
06:24Well, hurrah for that.
06:26I have found you a bride.
06:27Her name is Amy, daughter of the noted industrialist, Mr Hardwood.
06:31Oh, damn it, Blackadder.
06:32You know I loathe industrialists.
06:34Sad, balding little proles in their damn-your-eyes whiskets.
06:38All puffed up just because they know where to put their legs on a pair of trousers.
06:41Believe me, sir, these people are the future.
06:43This man probably owns half of Lancashire.
06:45His family's got more mils than you've got brain cells.
06:51How many mils?
06:52Seven, sir.
06:55Yes, he has patented a machine called the Raveling Nancy.
06:59What does it do?
07:00It ravels cotton, sir.
07:02What for?
07:03That I cannot say, sir.
07:04I'm one of those people who are quite happy to wear cotton but have no idea how it works.
07:09She's also a beauty, sir.
07:11Well, if she's going to be my bird, she'd better be.
07:13Right, so what's the plan?
07:14Well, I thought I could take her a short note, expressing your honourable intentions.
07:19Yes.
07:19Yes, I think so, too.
07:20All right, then.
07:21We'll take this down.
07:22From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
07:27Tanny-ho, my fine saucy young trollop.
07:30You're not sick.
07:31Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire
07:35and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart.
07:41Yours with the deepest respect, et cetera, sign George.
07:43P.S.
07:45Woof, woof.
07:47Well, what do you think?
07:48It's very moving, sir.
07:51Would you mind if I change just one tiny aspect of it?
07:54Which one?
07:55The words.
07:57Oh, yes.
07:58I'll leave the details to you, Blackadder.
07:59Just make sure she knows I'm all man.
08:01With a bit of animal thrown in.
08:03Perfect.
08:04Certainly, sir.
08:07From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
08:11The upturned tilt of your tiny wee nosy smells as sweet as a great big posy.
08:17Fanciful stuff, of course, madam, but from the heart.
08:20He says my nosy is tiny.
08:22And wee, madam.
08:24Well, he must be an awful clever clock because, you see, my nosy is tiny.
08:29And so wee that I sometimes think the pixies gave it to me.
08:37He continues.
08:40Oh, Lady Amy, Queen of all your sex.
08:43I apologise for the word, madam, but Prince George is a man of passion.
08:46Oh, don't worry.
08:47I can get pretty cross myself sometimes.
08:52Tell me, Mr. Blackadder, I've heard a teensy rumour
08:54that the Prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle-dangle.
08:58What do you have to say to that?
09:00Oh, that is a lie, madam.
09:01Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass
09:05and unbelievably thick and giggily.
09:07Whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallow-y, piglet-y type of creature.
09:13Oh, I'm so glad because, you see, I'm a delicate time-eating myself.
09:18Weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit.
09:21So I could never marry a horrible half-alarm or I might get squished.
09:27When can I meet the lovely Prince?
09:30You want to meet him?
09:31Well, if we're going to get married, I think I probably ought to.
09:34I know. Tell him to come and serenade me tonight.
09:37I'll be on my balcony in my gym jams.
09:42Hey-up, who's this big girl's blouse head?
09:46Brother, this is Mr. Blackadder. He's come a-wooing from the Prince.
09:50You have a beautiful and charming daughter, sir.
09:52Indeed I do. I love her more than any pig, and that's saying something.
09:57It certainly is.
09:59Let me tell you.
10:00I'd no more place her in the hands of an unworthy man
10:03than I'd place my John Thomas in the hands of a lunatic with a pair of scissors.
10:09An attitude that does you credit, sir.
10:11I'd rather take off all my clothes and paint my bottom blue than give it to a man who didn't
10:15love her.
10:16What self-respecting father could do more?
10:18On the other hand, if he's a prince, he can have her for ten bob and a pickled egg.
10:23I can see where your daughter gets her ready wit, sir.
10:27Although where she gets her good looks and charm is perhaps more of a mystery.
10:31No one ever made money out of good looks and charm.
10:33You obviously haven't met Lady Hamilton, sir.
10:39That's only, Baldrick, I'm not looking forward to this evening.
10:42Trying to serenade a light, fluffy bunny of a girl
10:46in the company of an arrogant half-German yob with a mad dad.
10:50He's the Prince of Wales.
10:51Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?
10:53No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
10:55Oh, don't. It's a ghastly place.
10:58Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys, terrifying people with their close harmony singing.
11:06You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the place name.
11:11Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick.
11:14You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
11:17So being Prince of it isn't considered a plus?
11:20I fear not, no.
11:21But the crucial thing is that they must never be left alone together before the marriage.
11:26Isn't that a bit unfair on her?
11:28Well, it's not really fair on him either.
11:29The girl is wetter than a Haddock's bathing costume.
11:32But you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair.
11:35If it was, things like this wouldn't happen, would they?
11:42Right, so what's the plan?
11:44Shim up the drain and ask her if she'll take delivery of her consignment of German sausage?
11:50As we rehearsed, poetry first, sausage later.
11:56What if Harold the Horny Hunter should do the trick?
11:59Just remind me of it, sir.
12:01Harold the Horny Hunter had an enormous horn.
12:03Shh, yes, yes.
12:04It is absolutely excellent, sir.
12:06However, might I suggest an alternative?
12:09Lovely little dumpling, how in love I am.
12:12Let me be your shepherdkins, you can be my lamb.
12:16Well, I think we'll be very lucky if she didn't just come out onto the balcony and vomit over us.
12:20Let's give her a whirl.
12:21Just stand right here, sir.
12:24Right.
12:25Call for her romantically.
12:26What?
12:28Oi, come on out here, you roll-up-ing, troll-up-ing sauce-buckle!
12:33Woof, woof!
12:36Is that you?
12:38Y-y-yes.
12:39Yes, tis I.
12:40Your gorgeous little love bundle.
12:43Oh, George.
12:44I think you must be the snuggly, wuggliest lambkin in the whole of Toyland.
12:50Yuck!
12:51What was that?
12:53Uh, uh, nothing.
12:54There was just a little fly in my throaty.
12:56Yuck! Yuck!
12:57You want the hanky-wanky to cop the flammy-wemmy woo-woo into?
13:02Fwoar! Crikey!
13:04What is that?
13:05Is there someone else down there with you?
13:07Uh, no, no, no.
13:08It was just the wind whistling through the trees and making a noise that sounded like,
13:13Fwoar! Crikey!
13:17Oh, joy!
13:18Then come, Prince Cuddly Kitten.
13:20Climb up my ivy.
13:22Sausage time!
13:24There is someone down there with you.
13:26Oh, my God, yes.
13:27Yes, so there is.
13:28A filthy intruder spying on our love.
13:30Oh, hit him, Judge! Hit him!
13:32Very well.
13:33Would you mind screaming, Your Highness?
13:35Take that!
13:35Oh!
13:36And that!
13:37And that!
13:38Oh!
13:39You're so brave!
13:41And I'm so worn out with all the excitement.
13:44I'd better go sleepy, Bobo's.
13:45Otherwise, I'll be all crass in the morning.
13:48Nighty-night, Judgey-Porgey!
13:51Nighty-whitey, Amy-wamey.
13:54I think it worked, sir.
13:55In the morning, I shall go in and ask her father.
13:58You go out and start spending his money.
14:00I can't stand meanness when it comes to wedding presents.
14:03And well done, sir.
14:04You were brilliant.
14:05Was I?
14:05Yes, sir.
14:06But I'm in agony.
14:07Well, that's love for you.
14:10So, I come as emissary of the Prince of Wales with the most splendid news.
14:14He wants your daughter, Amy, for his wife.
14:17Well, his wife can't have her.
14:20Nighty, sir, to come here with such a suggestion.
14:23Night, sir!
14:24Or I shall take off me belt and, by thunder, me trousers will fall down.
14:28Sir, you misunderstand.
14:30He wants to marry your lovely daughter.
14:32Oh!
14:33Oh!
14:34Can it be possibly true?
14:36Surely lovers never cross such boundaries of class.
14:39What about you and Mum?
14:40Well, yes, yes.
14:41Grantly, when I first met her, I was the farmer's son.
14:43And she was just the last who ate the dung.
14:45But that was an exception.
14:46And Auntie Doctor and Uncle Ted.
14:47Yes, yes, all right.
14:48He was a pig poker and she was the Duchess of Argyle.
14:50But...
14:50I thought you were with Uncle Isaiah.
14:52She was the milkmaiden.
14:53He was the...
14:53The Pope!
14:53Yes, yes, all right.
14:55Don't argue.
14:57Suffice it to say, if you marry, we need never be poor or hungry again.
15:01Sir, we accept.
15:02Good.
15:02So, obviously, you'll be wanting an enormous ceremony.
15:05What did you say?
15:07Well, obviously, now we're marrying quality, we'll never be poor or hungry again.
15:12Meaning that you're poor and hungry at the moment?
15:14Oh, yes.
15:15We've been living off large butties for five years now.
15:18I'm so poor, I use my underpants for drying dishes.
15:22Sir, you're skint.
15:23Aye.
15:24Well, in that case, the wedding's off.
15:26Good day.
15:26Oh, but what about George's lovey-wovey poems that won my hearty woody?
15:30All Whitney Whitney by me-wee, I'm afraid he waited.
15:33All right.
15:38Sir, you know I told you to go out and spend a lot of money on wedding presents.
15:41Well, apparently-
15:44Yes?
15:46Nothing.
15:52Crisis, Baldrick, crisis.
15:54No marriage, no money, more bills.
15:57For the first time in my life, I've decided to follow a suggestion of yours.
16:00Saddle Prince George's horse.
16:01Oh, sir, you're not going to become a highwayman, are you?
16:03No, I'm auditioning for the part of Arnold the Bat in Sheridan's new comedy.
16:08Oh, that's all right, then.
16:10Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
16:13Yeah.
16:14It's like goldy and bronzy, only just made of iron.
16:18No, no, no, no.
16:20Just saddle the prince's horse.
16:22Well, that'll be difficult.
16:23He wrapped around that gas lamp in the Strand last night.
16:26Well, saddle my horse, then.
16:27What do you think you've been eating for the last two months?
16:30Well, go out into the street and hire me a horse.
16:33Hire your horse?
16:34For nine pence?
16:35One Jewish New Year in the rain?
16:37A bare fortnight after the dreaded horse plague of old London town?
16:41With the blacksmith's strike in its 15th week
16:43and the Dorset Horse Fetishists' Fair tomorrow?
16:46Right.
16:47Well, get this on, then.
16:49It looks as though you can do any exercise.
16:54Ever since Mother died, you've tried to stop me growing up.
16:57I'm not a little girl.
16:58I'm a grown woman.
17:00In fact, I might as well tell you now, Papa.
17:01I'm pregnant, and I'm an opium fiend,
17:03and I'm in love with a poet called Shelley
17:05who was a famous whoopsie, and Mother didn't die.
17:07I killed her.
17:10Well, never mind.
17:14Stand under the bar.
17:15Oh, no.
17:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
17:18There's no disaster.
17:19It's the shadow.
17:20We're doomed.
17:21Doomed.
17:22Ah, good evening, Duke.
17:23And the lovely Miss Cheapside.
17:25Your cash bags, please.
17:27There we are.
17:28You'll never get away with this, you scoundrel.
17:30You'll be caught and damn well hung.
17:31I think he looks pretty well.
17:33Madam, please.
17:33Nothing just about looking pretty well hung already.
17:36We have no time.
17:38Now, sir.
17:39Turn out your pockets.
17:40Never, sir.
17:40A man's pockets are his own private kingdom.
17:42I'll protect them with my life.
17:44I see.
17:44You've got something embarrassing in there, have you?
17:46Not a particularly repulsive handkerchief, hmm?
17:49One of these fellows who has a big blow and then doesn't change it for a week.
17:52That's how they look, shall we?
17:54Ah.
17:56Ah.
17:56Hi, woman.
17:56I also have a jewel.
17:58I fear, however, that I have placed it here beneath my petticoats for protection.
18:03Well, in that case, madam, I think I'll leave it.
18:05I'm not sure I fancied the idea of a jewel that's been in someone's pants.
18:09A single kiss of those soft lips is all I require.
18:12Never, sir.
18:13A man's soft lips are his own private kingdom.
18:16I shall defend them with my life.
18:18I'm not talking to you, grandad.
18:24I'm overcome.
18:25Take me with you to live the life of the wild rogue.
18:28Cuddling under haystacks and making love in the branches of tall trees.
18:31Madam, sadly I must decline.
18:33I fear my horse would collapse with you on top of it, most likely.
18:36I could try.
18:42No, Quicksilver, you couldn't.
18:43Well, that's not fair, then.
18:45I've had you on my back for ten miles.
18:47I haven't even got a kiss out of it.
18:48Oh, all right, very well, then.
18:52All fair now?
18:54Not really, no.
18:55Tch, no pleasing some horses.
18:57Hi-o, Quicksilver!
19:00Papa!
19:01You did nothing to defend my honour.
19:03Oh, shut your face, you pregnant junky peg hag!
19:07Well, Baldry.
19:09A good night's work, I think.
19:11It's time to divide the loot.
19:12And I think it's only fair that we should share it equally.
19:15Which I suppose is highwayman's talk for you get the cash, I get the snotty hanky.
19:19No, no.
19:20No, we did this robbery together, so you get half the cash.
19:23Oh, thank you, Mr. B.
19:24This robbery, on the other hand, I'm doing a loan.
19:26Hand it over, your money or your life.
19:30All fair and above board.
19:32Fair enough.
19:32As long as I haven't been cheated, I don't mind you.
19:35Hands up!
19:36I am the shadow that I never miss.
19:39Oh, no.
19:40You!
19:41The one that looks like a pig.
19:43He's talking to you, Baldry.
19:46Skedaddle!
19:50So, who have we here?
19:54Well, a well set up fellow indeed.
19:58Sir, a kiss.
20:00Sorry, I'm not sure I heard that correctly.
20:02Oh, dear.
20:03Maybe your ears need unblocking.
20:05Oh, I see a kiss.
20:06Oh, of course, of course, of course.
20:07And then perhaps a little light supper, some dancing.
20:09Who knows where it might be.
20:13Good lord, it's you!
20:15Of course.
20:16But your voice, it's clever, isn't it?
20:18Does your father know you're out?
20:20He had to go.
20:21You mean he's dead?
20:22Yes.
20:23Dead as that squirrel.
20:25Which squirrel?
20:30Oh, that squirrel.
20:32Of course.
20:33You've killed him for ruining your chances of marrying Prince George.
20:36I despise the prince.
20:38Don't you know it's you I want?
20:41I want a real man.
20:43A man who can sew on a button.
20:45A man who knows where the towels are kept.
20:48And, yes, I crave your fabulous, sinewy body.
20:53Well, you're only human.
20:56Here's the plan, brown eyes.
20:58You rob the prince of everything he's got, right down to the clothes he's standing in.
21:02I'll get my stash and meet you here.
21:04And then we'll run away to the West Indies.
21:07Well, I don't know.
21:07I'll have to think about it.
21:09I've thought about it.
21:10It's a brilliant plan.
21:12I'll see you here tomorrow.
21:17All right, I'm off.
21:18Oh, sir, but what about the danger?
21:20Look, the reward's going up day by day.
21:22Ha!
21:23I laugh in the face of danger.
21:25I drop ice cubes down the vest of fear.
21:27Things couldn't be better, Baldrick.
21:29She'll get me abroad and make me rich.
21:31Then I'll probably drop her and get 200 concubines to share my bed.
21:35Won't they be rather prickly?
21:40Concubines, Baldrick, not porcupines.
21:42I still can't believe you're leaving me behind.
21:45Oh, don't you worry.
21:46When we're established on our plantation in Barbados, I'll send for you.
21:49No more sad little London for you, Balders.
21:51From now on, you will stand out in life as an individual.
21:55Will I?
21:55Well, of course you will.
21:56All the other slaves will be black.
21:59Oh, Mr Blackadder!
22:01Oh, what's all this I hear about you?
22:03Buying a bathing costume and 40 gallons of coconut oil.
22:06Are you going abroad then, sir?
22:08Yes, I'm off.
22:09Oh, sir!
22:09What a tragic end to all my dreams!
22:13And I'd always hope that you'd settle down and marry me,
22:16and that together we might await the slither of tiny adders.
22:21Mrs Anne, if we were the last three humans on Earth,
22:25I'd be trying to start a family with Baldrick.
22:32Well, here I am.
22:33All packed and ready to go.
22:36Darling!
22:37I'm so pleased to see you.
22:38And I've got a little surprise for you.
22:40Close your eyes and open your mouth.
22:44Hand up with the loop, goat brains!
22:48I always say the bedrock of a good relationship is being able to laugh together.
22:52Good, well done.
22:53So, which way to Barbados?
22:54You're not going to Barbados.
22:56Get away from the cart, Mr Slimy, or I'll fill you so full of lead,
23:00we could sharpen your head and call you a pencil!
23:03This is turning into a really rotten evening.
23:06That's what you'd better make the most of it,
23:08because it's your last.
23:10And it's a pity,
23:12because it's usually against my principles to shoot dumb animals.
23:17Except squirrels.
23:18Yes.
23:19Bastards!
23:21I hate them with their long tails and their stupid twitchy noses!
23:28I shall return at midnight to collect the loot,
23:31when I'll fill you so full of holes
23:33I could market you as a new English cheese!
23:40Oh, God.
23:41What a way to die.
23:43Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll.
23:47Morning, Mr B.
23:49Baldrick?
23:50Baldrick.
23:51Thank you for introducing me to a genuinely new experience.
23:54What experience is that?
23:55Being pleased to see you.
23:57Now, what are you doing here, you revolting animal?
24:00I've come for the shadow's autograph.
24:01You know, I'm a great fan of the shadows.
24:04Yes, just in time, Baldrick.
24:05Come on.
24:05What? Has he gone?
24:07Oh, what a pity.
24:08I wanted him to autograph my new poster.
24:10Look, his reward's gone up to £10,000.
24:13Good Lord.
24:14£10,000?
24:16Yep.
24:16That gives me an idea.
24:18Baldrick, take this cartload of loot back to the palace
24:21and meet me back here at midnight
24:22with ten soldiers, a restless lynch mob
24:25and a small portable gallows.
24:30Ah, brekkers.
24:31I could eat 14 trays of it this morning.
24:34Still have room for a dolphin on toast.
24:37Any particular reason for this gluttonous levity, sir?
24:40Oh, what do you think, Blackadder?
24:41I'm in love.
24:42I'm in love.
24:43I'm in love.
24:43I'm in love.
24:44Oh, Amy.
24:45Bless all ten of your tiny little pinkies.
24:48Ah, let's see what's in the paper.
24:51Oh, my God, she's been arrested and hanged.
24:56Really?
24:58It turns out she was a highwayman.
25:00Tch, these modern girls.
25:03Apparently someone tipped off the authorities
25:05and collected the £10,000 reward.
25:07What a greasy sneak.
25:09Oh, if only I could get my hands on him.
25:11Tch, you can't toast anyone these days, sir.
25:13It says here that she had an accomplice.
25:18But they don't know who it was.
25:22Amy, Amy, Amy, I shall never forget you.
25:25Never, ever, ever, ever.
25:28Right, what's for breakfast?
25:30Tentaries.
25:30Great.
25:31Actually, come to think of it, Blackadder,
25:32I didn't need to get married anyway.
25:34I got pots of money.
25:35Really?
25:36The most extraordinary thing happened.
25:37I was a bit peckish during the night,
25:39so I nipped downstairs to the biscuit barrel.
25:41The biscuit barrel?
25:42And do you know what I found inside?
25:44£10,000 that I never knew I had.
25:47I got so much money now,
25:48I don't know what to do with it.
25:50How about a game of cards, sir?
25:53Excellent idea!