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00:01Something beginning with...
00:03M.
00:16Oh, I say. Well done, sir. Your turn.
00:19I spy with my bored little eyes.
00:22Something beginning with tea.
00:24Breakfast!
00:25What?
00:26While breakfast always begins with tea,
00:28then I'll have a little sausage,
00:30then an egg with some little soldiers.
00:33Well, when I said it begins with tea, I was talking about a letter.
00:36No, it never begins with a letter.
00:39The postman don't come till 10.30.
00:41I can't go on with this. George, take over.
00:43Right, um...
00:45I spy with my little eye something beginning with R.
00:49Army.
00:49For God's sake, Tommy, Army starts with an A.
00:52He's looking for something that starts with an R.
00:54Rrrrrrrrrr.
00:55Motorbike!
00:57What?
00:57A motorbike starts with a Rrrrrrrr.
01:00Rrrrrrrr.
01:00Rrrrrrrr.
01:01Right, my turn again.
01:03What begins with come here and ends with ow?
01:05I don't know.
01:06Come here.
01:09Well done.
01:10No, I...
01:11I don't think you've quite got the hang of this game, to be honest, sir.
01:14Anyway, let's try another one.
01:16Um, I hear with my little ear...
01:20Uh...
01:21Something beginning with B.
01:23What?
01:25Bomb.
01:27I can't hear a bomb?
01:29Listen very carefully.
01:32Ah, yes.
01:37Finished!
01:38Come on, then.
01:39All right, and then you can tell me what you think, but be honest now.
01:41I will.
01:42All right, then.
01:43Dear Uncle H, how are you?
01:46It's good, isn't it?
01:46Yeah.
01:48Um, it's a beastly rotten night being laid up here, but everyone's very nice, and at least
01:51now I can write to you every day.
01:52Uh, oh, then I'll put in a silly bit about, uh...
01:55What?
01:56No, no, it's, it's, um...
01:57Oh, come on, you can tell me.
01:58Uh, and the nurse is an absolute peak.
02:00Uh, anyway.
02:03Uh, after the explosion, Captain Blackadder was marvellous.
02:06He joked and joked,
02:07You lucky, lucky, lucky bastard.
02:09He's right.
02:10Uh, and then he lay on his back, stuck his foot over the top of the trench,
02:13and shouted,
02:14Over here, Fritz!
02:15What about me?
02:16What about me?
02:17Well, Captain Blackadder does indeed sound the most witty and courageous chap.
02:20Yes, and he's very amusing and brave as well.
02:23Not to mention being as clever as a chap with three heads.
02:27Well, thanks ever so much.
02:28You really are terribly kind,
02:30as well as being dashed pretty to boot.
02:31Oh, you do.
02:33A fluffy pillow and a big, cheery smile, the least my lovely voices deserve.
02:38Now, you take a little trip to Dozyland.
02:41You've got visitors coming, and we don't want to be all tired of what's happening.
02:45Well, absolutely not, no.
02:46It'll be so jolly to see Baldrick in the cap again,
02:48they'll be worried sick about me, you know.
02:50All right, where is the malingering gith?
02:54Oh, Cap!
02:55Pip Pip Baldurs, here I lie.
02:57Nice to see the Lieutenant looking so well, sir.
02:59Of course he's looking well.
03:00There's nothing wrong with him.
03:02Didn't I tell you that Captain was our super coat?
03:05You did.
03:06Well, Captain, you are indeed fortunate to have a loyal friend like Darling Georgie.
03:11Hmm, I think you might be under a slight misapprehension here, Nurse.
03:14I lost closer friends than Darling Georgie the last time I was de-loused.
03:18Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got better things to do than exchange pleasantries with a wet blanket.
03:23Would you get out?
03:24We've got some important military business.
03:26Well, ten minutes only then.
03:30Right, pork face, where's the grub?
03:33Come on, the moment that collection of inbred mutants you call your relatives heard you were sick,
03:37they'll have sent you a hamper the size of Westminster Abbey.
03:40My family is not inbred.
03:42Come on, somewhere outside Saffron Walden, there's an uncle who's seven feet tall with no chin
03:47and an Adam's apple that makes him look as though he's constantly trying to swallow a ball cock.
03:52I have not got any uncles like that.
03:55Anyway, he lives in Walton on the Nays.
03:57Exactly, now where's the tuck?
03:59Well, there were one or two things, yes.
04:01There was a potted turkey, cow and jelly, three tinned sheep and 1,200 chocolates.
04:09But in my weakened state, I ate them.
04:13What?
04:13Well, Nurse Mary nibbled a trotter or two.
04:16Oh, she's such a wonderful girl.
04:18She helps me with all my letters, she can do all the German spelling and she's terribly good at punctuation.
04:22I don't care if you can sing, I may be a tiny chimney sweep, but I've got an enormous brush.
04:27Come on, Walden, the only thing we're going to get for free round here is dysentery.
04:32I haven't given Lieutenant George my bunch of flowers yet.
04:35All right, hurry up, hurry up.
04:36Here you are, sir. I've got you these.
04:40Unfortunately, they've had their head shot off.
04:43Where others choose to say it with flowers, Baldrick says it with stalks.
04:47Well, Captain, I'm afraid you'll have to leave us now.
04:49Oh, really?
04:50Yes. You must report to General Melchert immediately.
04:53Oh, great. Yet another tempting opportunity for suicide beckons.
04:57Gosh, I wish I could come with you, you know, sir.
04:59Oh, no. You must still care, my brave hero.
05:02Brave hero? Nurse, I was more wounded the last time I clipped my toenails.
05:07Take no notice of him.
05:09Yes, pay no attention to the nasty man.
05:12Look, if I can't give my brave boys a kind word and a big smile, what can I give them?
05:17Well, one or two ideas do suggest them.
05:20But you'd probably think they were unhygienic.
05:26Come on, Baldrick.
05:31Hello, what's your name?
05:33My name is Mr. Smith.
05:37Well, I'm sorry that you've been landed opposite such a total gitsmith.
05:41It's bad that I've been wounded without having to share a ward with banana brain.
05:46Thank you, thank you, thank you.
05:47I'm very comfortable.
05:50And happy.
05:50I'm proud.
05:54Enter.
06:00Hello?
06:02Hello?
06:04Hello?
06:29Right, he's clean, sir.
06:31Can anyone tell me what's going on?
06:33Security, Black Adam.
06:35Security.
06:36Security isn't a dirty word, Black Adam.
06:40Crevice is a dirty word, but security isn't.
06:43So in the name of security, sir, everyone who enters the room has to have his bottom fondled by this
06:48drooling pervert.
06:50I'm only doing my job, Black Adam.
06:51Oh, well, how lucky you are then that your job is also your hobby.
06:55Now there's another dirty word.
06:57Job.
06:57Sir, is there something the matter?
06:59Yeah, damn right there's something the matter.
07:01Something sinister and something grotesque.
07:03And what's worse is that it's going on right here under my very nose.
07:07Sir, your moustache is lovely.
07:10What the general means, Black Adam, is there's a leak.
07:13Now leak is a positively disgusting word.
07:15The Germans seem to be able to anticipate our every move.
07:18We send up an aeroplane.
07:19There's a gerry squadron parked behind the nearest cloud.
07:22We move troops to Boulogne.
07:23The Germans have bought the entire town supply of lavatory paper.
07:27In short, a German spy is giving away every one of our battle plans.
07:31You look surprised, Black Adam.
07:33I certainly am, sir.
07:34I didn't realise we had any battle plans.
07:37Well, of course we have.
07:39How else do you think the battles are directed?
07:41Our battles are directed, sir.
07:43Well, of course they are, Black Adam, directed according to the grand plan.
07:47Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone's dead,
07:49except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig, and their tortoise, Alan?
07:54Well, it's Scott!
07:56Even you know it!
07:58Ah, ah, bolt all the doors!
08:00Hammer large pieces of crooked wood against all the windows!
08:02This security leak is far worse than we'd imagined!
08:05So, you see, Black Adam,
08:06Field Marshal Haig is most anxious to eliminate all these German spies.
08:10Filthy Hun weasels fighting their dirty underhand war!
08:14Unfortunately, one of our spies...
08:16Splendid fellows, brave heroes,
08:18risky life and little for blighty...
08:19...has discovered that the leak is coming from the Field Hospital.
08:22You think there's a German spy in the Field Hospital?
08:25I think you might be right there.
08:27Your job, Black Adam, is to root this spy out.
08:30How long do you think you'll need?
08:32Ooh, er...
08:33You'll have to be away from the trenches for some time.
08:35Six months?
08:36Do you mind, Black Adam, you've got three weeks.
08:38Yes, three weeks to smoke the bugger out.
08:40Use any method you see fit.
08:42Personally, I'd recommend you get hold of a cocker spaniel,
08:45tie your suspect down on a chair with a potty on his head,
08:48then pop his todger between two flowery bats,
08:52and shout,
08:52Dinnertime Fido.
08:56If you're successful,
08:57I shall need you back here permanently
08:59to head up my new security network,
09:01Operation Winkle.
09:02Winkle?
09:03Yeah.
09:04To winkle out the spies.
09:05You never mention this to me, sir?
09:07Well, we have to have some secrets, don't we, darling?
09:10Right.
09:10Well, I'll be back in three weeks.
09:12Excellent.
09:13And if you come back with the information,
09:14Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly in the debriefing room.
09:20Not while I have my strength, he will.
09:25Damn Nixon, sir!
09:26His insolence makes my blood boil.
09:28What's more, I don't trust him, sir.
09:29I think it would be best
09:30if I went to the hospital myself to keep an eye on him.
09:32What, spy on our own spy as he searches for their spy?
09:35Yes, why not?
09:36Sounds rather fun.
09:37You'll have to go undercover.
09:39Oh, definitely, sir.
09:40And you'll need some kind of wound,
09:41convincing wound.
09:43Naturally, sir.
09:43Yes.
09:49Yes.
09:51That looks quite convincing.
09:55Right, pack me a toothbrush, Baldrick.
09:57We're going on holiday.
09:58Hooray!
09:59Where to?
10:00Hospital.
10:01Oh, no, I hate hosticles.
10:03Our grandfather went into one,
10:05and when he'd come out, he was dead.
10:08He was also dead when he went in, Baldrick.
10:10He'd be run over by a traction engine.
10:13I don't like them doctors.
10:14If they start poking around inside me...
10:17Baldrick, why would anyone wish to poke around inside me?
10:20They might find me interesting.
10:22Baldrick, I find the great northern
10:24and metropolitan sewage system interesting.
10:27But that doesn't mean that I want to put on some rubber gloves
10:29and pull things out of it with a pair of tweezers.
10:31So, tell you what, sir,
10:33you might have a chance to get to know that pretty nurse.
10:38No, thank you, Baldrick.
10:40She's as wet as a fish's wet bits.
10:43I'd rather get to know you.
10:45I'm not available, sir.
10:47I'm waiting for Miss Wright to come along
10:50and gather me up in her arms.
10:52Yes, I wouldn't be too hopeful.
10:53We'd have to get her arms out of a straitjacket first.
10:56Now, get packing.
10:58So very interesting.
11:00Please, do continue, old bean.
11:02Right, well, then I go on to say,
11:04the orders came through for us to advance
11:07at 0800 hours in a pincer moment.
11:09Gosh, how exciting.
11:10Yeah, well.
11:11Captain George.
11:12Oh, hello, Cap.
11:14Ah, Captain.
11:15I hope you're going to conduct yourself
11:16with a little more decorum this time.
11:17No, I'm going to conduct myself with no decorum.
11:20Shove off.
11:20Oh!
11:22That's right.
11:22Ah, ya've heard it.
11:23Hey, Capitan, ya've heard it.
11:25So, Cap, what's going on?
11:27Well, there's a German spy in the hospital
11:29and it's my job to find him.
11:31A job?
11:32Well, snakes are live.
11:33Exciting stuff, eh?
11:35Wait a minute, I think I might have a plan already.
11:37What is it?
11:38Well, have a look through the list of patients
11:39and see if there's anyone here
11:40whose name begins with Vom.
11:43Well, he's almost bound to be a bloke.
11:45I think we may find that he's using a false name, actually, George.
11:48Oh, crikey, well, that's hardly fair now, is it?
11:51I, too, have a cunning plan to catch the spice.
11:54Do you, Baldrick, do you?
11:55You go around the hospital
11:57and you ask everyone,
11:59are you a German spy?
12:02Yes, I must say, Baldrick,
12:03I appreciate your involvement on the creative side.
12:05If it was me, I'd own up.
12:07Of course you would,
12:08but sadly the enemy have not added
12:09to the German army entrance form
12:11the requirement,
12:11must have intellectual capacity of a boiled potato.
12:15Now, Baldrick,
12:16see that man over there?
12:18Yeah.
12:18I want you to stick to him like a limpet.
12:20Make sure he doesn't leave the hospital.
12:22Yes, sir.
12:25Hello, darling, what are you doing here?
12:28Bullet in the foot.
12:29Well, I can understand people up the front
12:30trying to shoot themselves in the foot,
12:32but when you're 35 miles behind the line...
12:34I did not shoot myself.
12:36The general did it.
12:38Finally got fed up with you, did he?
12:39No, it was a mistake.
12:41Oh, he was aiming for your head?
12:42He wasn't aiming for anything.
12:44Oh, so he was going for between your legs, then?
12:46That's very funny, Blackadder.
12:48You'll be laughing on the other side of your face
12:49if you don't find this spy.
12:50Don't you worry, darling.
12:51I intend to start interviewing suspects immediately.
12:55This is completely ridiculous, Blackadder.
12:57You can't suspect me.
12:58I've only just arrived.
12:59The first rule of counter-espionage, darling,
13:01is to suspect everyone.
13:02Believe me, I shall be asking myself
13:04some pretty searching questions later on.
13:06Now, tell me,
13:07what is the colour of the Queen of England's favourite hat?
13:10How the hell should I know?
13:11I see.
13:13Well, let me ask you another question.
13:15What is the name of the German head of state?
13:18Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
13:19So you're on first-name terms with a Kaiser, are you?
13:22What did you expect me to say?
13:24Darling.
13:24Darling.
13:25Shh.
13:27Cigarette?
13:35All right, you stinking piece of...
13:37Oh, thank you, Paul.
13:38Take out, sonny.
13:39I know you.
13:40Tell me, fun darling,
13:41what was it finally won you over, eh?
13:42Was it the poppernickel,
13:43or was it the thought of hanging around
13:45with big men in leather shorts?
13:47I'll have you court-marshaled for this, my goodness.
13:49What, for obeying the general's orders?
13:50That may be what you do in Munich,
13:52or should I say,
13:53Mution.
13:53But not here, Werner.
13:54You're a filthy Han spy, aren't you?
13:56Baldrick the Cocker Spaniel, please.
13:58No!
13:59No!
13:59No, no, wait!
14:00Look, I'm in case!
14:01I was born in Crichton.
14:04I was educated in a football primary school.
14:06I've got a girlfriend called Doris.
14:07I know the words to all three verses.
14:09I've got to save the key.
14:10Four verses.
14:10Four verses!
14:11Four verses!
14:11I've been four verses!
14:13Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
14:14So your father's German,
14:16you're half German,
14:17and you've married a German?
14:19No, no!
14:20For God's sake,
14:21I'm not a German spy!
14:23Good, thanks very much.
14:24Send the next man.
14:27What is all this noise about?
14:29Don't you realise this is a hospital?
14:32You'll regret this, Blackadder.
14:35You'd better find the real spy,
14:36or I'll make it very hard for you.
14:38Please, darling,
14:39there are ladies' presents.
14:40Shut up!
14:50Well, well, Captain Blackadder.
14:52This is an unexpected pleasure.
14:54What?
14:55Nice to have you back with us.
14:57A spycatcher, eh?
14:58Ha!
14:59That silly kid George was right.
15:01You are a bally hero.
15:03Wait a minute.
15:04I thought you liked George.
15:06That's just my bedside manner.
15:08What I call my fluffy bunny act.
15:11Sir, you're not a drip after all.
15:12Oh, no.
15:14So, Mr. Spycatcher,
15:16how's it going?
15:17Well, not much luck so far.
15:18I think he might be as difficult to find
15:20as a piece of hay
15:21in a massive stack full of needles.
15:23So you're going to be around
15:24for quite a while, then?
15:25Looks like it.
15:27Good.
15:28Because, uh,
15:30it can get pretty lonely around here,
15:32you know.
15:34God, it's nice to have someone
15:35healthy to talk to.
15:38Cigarette?
15:39No, thank you.
15:40I only smoke cigarettes
15:41after making love.
15:42So back in England,
15:43I'm a 20-a-day man.
15:53A man should smoke.
15:55It acts as an expectorant
15:56and gives his voice
15:57a deep, gravelly, masculine tone.
16:00God, I love nurses.
16:01They're so disgustingly clinical.
16:04Tell me, Captain Blackadder.
16:07Edmund.
16:09Edmund.
16:10When this war is over,
16:11do you think we might get
16:12to know each other
16:13a little better?
16:13Yes, why not?
16:15When this madness is finished,
16:16perhaps we could go
16:17cycling together.
16:18Take a trip down
16:19to the old Swan at Henley
16:20and go for a walk
16:21in the woods.
16:22Yes.
16:23Or we could just do it
16:24right now on the desk.
16:29Yeah, OK.
16:34Ah, Baldrick.
16:35Have you seen Nurse Mary?
16:36I need someone
16:36to post this letter.
16:37She's in her office
16:38with the captain, sir.
16:39Ah, poor girl.
16:40Tied to her desk
16:41day and night.
16:43Ah, Cap.
16:44I hear you've been
16:45seeing a lot of Nurse Mary.
16:46Yes, almost all of her,
16:48in fact.
16:48How is she, sir?
16:50Unbelievable.
16:52What I really want to know
16:54is are you any closer
16:55to finding the spy?
16:56Yes, I think I'm getting
16:57there, George.
16:59Everything all right,
17:00Smith?
17:00Oh, yeah, excellent.
17:01Excellent.
17:03Really good.
17:05Smithy, you haven't seen
17:07any suspicious-looking
17:07characters hanging around,
17:09have you,
17:09who might be
17:09German spies?
17:10Nine.
17:12Nine?
17:16Cap's got his work
17:16cut out, then.
17:19Tell me, Edmund,
17:21do you have someone
17:21special in your life?
17:23Well, yes,
17:24as a matter of fact,
17:24I do.
17:25Who?
17:26Me.
17:28No, I mean,
17:29someone you love
17:30and cherish
17:31and want to keep
17:32safe from all
17:33the horror and
17:34the hurt.
17:35Still me, really.
17:38No, but
17:39back home,
17:40in England,
17:41there must be
17:42someone waiting,
17:43some sweetheart.
17:45Oh, a girl.
17:47I've always been
17:48a soldier,
17:49married to the army.
17:50The Book of King's
17:51Regulations
17:51is my mistress,
17:53possibly with a
17:53Harrod's Lingerie
17:54catalogue
17:55discreetly tucked
17:56between the pages.
17:57And no casual
17:58girlfriend?
17:59Skirt?
18:00Ha!
18:01If only.
18:02When I joined up,
18:03we were still
18:04fighting colonial wars.
18:05If you saw someone
18:06in a skirt,
18:07you shot him
18:08and nicked his country.
18:10What about you?
18:11Have you got a man?
18:12Some fine fellow
18:13in an English
18:13country village?
18:14A vicar, maybe.
18:16Quiet,
18:17gentle,
18:18hung like a baboon.
18:22There was a man
18:23I cared for a little.
18:25Wonderful chap,
18:27strong,
18:28athletic.
18:28What happened to him?
18:30He bought it.
18:32I'm so sorry,
18:33I didn't realise
18:33that was the arrangement.
18:36So what's it been?
18:37Twelve nights,
18:38let's say
18:39nigh afternoons.
18:40How much is...
18:41Oh, in a couple of mornings.
18:42I mean, he died.
18:43Oh, I'm sorry.
18:45He's test-driving
18:46one of those new
18:46tank contraptions
18:48and the bloody thing
18:48blew up.
18:49What a waste.
18:51God, I hope
18:51they've scrapped the lot.
18:53Fat chance.
18:54They're going to use
18:5540 of them
18:56next week at...
18:57Oh, sorry,
18:58I mustn't talk about that.
18:59You never know
18:59who might be listening.
19:01No, of course.
19:03Oh, God,
19:04I miss him so much.
19:06He was such
19:06a wonderful chap.
19:08Clever, too, I thought.
19:09Oh, brilliant.
19:10Went to one of the
19:11great universities,
19:12I suppose.
19:12Oxford,
19:13Cambridge,
19:14Hull.
19:18But why are we
19:19making small talk
19:20when we could be
19:21making big love?
19:22Good, fine.
19:23This could be
19:24our last chance.
19:25My three weeks are up.
19:26I'm going back
19:27to Staff HQ tomorrow.
19:29Look, why don't you
19:29come with me?
19:30It could be fun.
19:31We could have supper
19:32or something.
19:32How about something first,
19:34then supper?
19:35Good idea.
19:40Ah, hello,
19:41Blackadder.
19:41Good morning, sir.
19:42May I introduce
19:43Nurse Fletcher Brown?
19:44She's been very supportive
19:45during my work
19:46at the hospital.
19:47How do you do,
19:48young lady?
19:50Will you, uh,
19:50sit down?
19:53So, any news
19:54of the spy, Blackadder?
19:55Yes, sir.
19:56Excellent.
19:56The Germans seem
19:57to know every move
19:58we make.
19:58I had a letter
19:59from Jerry yesterday.
20:00It said,
20:01isn't it about time
20:02you changed your
20:03shirts, walrus face?
20:05Sir, do you have
20:06any ideas
20:07who it might be,
20:07young lady?
20:07Well, sir,
20:08I'm only a humbled nurse,
20:09but I did at one point
20:10think it might be
20:12Captain Darling.
20:13Well, bugger me
20:14with a fish fork.
20:16Oh, darling,
20:17a Jerry Morse tapper?
20:18What nurse
20:19made you suspect him?
20:20Well, sir,
20:20he poo-pooed
20:21the captain here
20:22and said he'd
20:22never find the spy.
20:24Is this true,
20:25Blackadder?
20:25Did Captain Darling
20:26poo-poo you?
20:28Well, perhaps a little.
20:29Well, then,
20:29damn it all,
20:30what more evidence
20:30do you need?
20:31The poo-pooing alone
20:32is a court-martial offence.
20:33I can assure you, sir,
20:34that the poo-pooing
20:35was purely circumstantial.
20:36Well, I hope so,
20:38Blackadder.
20:38You know,
20:39if there's one thing
20:40I've learned
20:40from being in the army,
20:42it's never ignore
20:42a poo-poo.
20:44Are you a major?
20:45Got poo-pooed,
20:46made the mistake
20:47of ignoring the poo-poo.
20:48He poo-pooed it.
20:50Fateful error.
20:51Because it turned out
20:52all along
20:52that the soldier
20:53who poo-pooed him
20:53had been poo-pooing
20:54a lot of other officers,
20:55who poo-pooed
20:56their poo-poos.
20:57In the end,
20:58we had to disband
20:58the regiment.
20:59Morale totally destroyed
21:01by poo-poo.
21:03Yes, I think we may be
21:04drifting slightly
21:05from the point here, sir.
21:06Which is that,
21:07unfortunately,
21:07and to my lasting regret,
21:09Captain Darling
21:09is not the spy.
21:11Oh?
21:11And then who the hell is?
21:12Well, sir,
21:13there is a man
21:13in the hospital
21:14with a pronounced limp
21:15and a very strong
21:16German accent.
21:17It must be him.
21:18It's obvious.
21:19Obvious, but wrong.
21:20It's not him.
21:21And why not?
21:22Because, sir,
21:22not even the Germans
21:23would be stupid enough
21:24to field a spy
21:24with a strong German accent.
21:27Well, then,
21:27who is it?
21:28Well, it's perfectly simple.
21:30It's you.
21:32Edmund!
21:32Baldrick!
21:33Explain yourself,
21:34Pierre Gennard,
21:34before I have you shot
21:35for being rude to a lady!
21:37Well, sir,
21:38the first seeds
21:38of suspicion were sown
21:39when Lieutenant George
21:41unwittingly revealed
21:42that she spoke German.
21:43Do you deny
21:44Nurse Fletcher Brown,
21:45or should I say
21:46Nurse Fleischer Baum,
21:48that you have not
21:48Lieutenant George
21:50with the German words
21:50in his letters?
21:51No, I did not.
21:52My suspicions were confirmed
21:53when she probed me
21:54expertly about tank movements.
21:56Oh, Edmund,
21:56how could you
21:57after all we've been through?
21:58And then the final
21:59irrefutable proof.
22:00Remember you mentioned
22:00a clever boyfriend?
22:02Yes.
22:02I then leapt
22:04on the opportunity
22:04to test you.
22:05I asked if he'd been
22:06to one of the great universities,
22:07Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull.
22:09Well?
22:09You failed to spot
22:10that only two of those
22:11are great universities.
22:13Swine!
22:13That's right.
22:14Oxford's a complete dump.
22:19Well, quite.
22:21No true English woman
22:22could have fallen
22:23into that trap.
22:24Oh, Edmund,
22:24I thought there was
22:25something beautiful
22:25between us.
22:26I thought you
22:27loved me.
22:29Nah.
22:30Take away, brother.
22:32Rouse, Rouse.
22:34Good work,
22:35Bacchetta.
22:36I'd better go
22:36and assemble
22:37a firing squad.
22:42What's up, sir?
22:46Darling,
22:46what on earth
22:47do you think
22:47you're doing?
22:48I'll tell you
22:48exactly what I'm doing, sir.
22:49I'm doing what
22:50Bacchetta should have done
22:51three weeks ago, sir.
22:52What?
22:52This is the guilty man.
22:54Darling,
22:55you're hysterical.
22:56No, sir.
22:56No, I'm not, sir.
22:57I'll ask him
22:57I've right.
22:58Are you a spy?
22:59Yes,
23:00I am a spy.
23:01You say, sir?
23:02Well, of course
23:03he's a spy, darling.
23:04A British spy.
23:06This is Brigadier
23:07Sir Bernard Proudfoot-Smith,
23:09the finest spy
23:10in the British army.
23:13But he can't be, sir.
23:15He doesn't even
23:15sound British.
23:16Unfortunately,
23:17I've been working
23:18on the cover
23:19in Germany
23:20for so long
23:20that I have
23:22picked up
23:22a teensy-weensy
23:23bit of an accent.
23:25This, darling,
23:26is the man
23:26who told us
23:26that there was
23:27a German spy
23:27in the hospital
23:28in the first place.
23:29Ah.
23:30Right.
23:31Well, that's that then.
23:32Bacchetta?
23:33Yes, sir.
23:34You are now
23:35head of Operation Winkle.
23:36Thank you, sir.
23:38Darling?
23:38Yes, sir.
23:39You are a complete arse.
23:42Thank you, sir.
23:43Right, Bernard,
23:43let's go and watch
23:44the firing squad.
23:45Jawohl, man, get out.
23:47Sir, what the devil
23:48is going on?
23:49I've just seen
23:50Nurse Mary
23:51being led away
23:51to a firing squad.
23:52Nurse Mary
23:53is the spy, George.
23:54What?
23:54Impossible.
23:55Afraid so.
23:57Well, cover me
23:57with eggs and flour
23:58and bake me
23:59for 40 minutes.
24:01Put a hornet, eh?
24:02Nurse Mary,
24:03a blushing nose-poker-inner.
24:05Oh, well,
24:05lots of exciting stuff
24:06to put in my next letter
24:07to my Uncle Herman
24:07in Munich.
24:10Sorry.
24:11Those letters
24:12I've been writing
24:12in hospital
24:13to my German uncle.
24:14New information,
24:15Blackadder?
24:16George.
24:16Oh, yeah,
24:17well, I know
24:17there's a war on them,
24:18but family is family,
24:19and old Uncle Hermie
24:21does so love
24:21to be kept abreast
24:22of what's going on.
24:23I even wrote
24:23and told him
24:24about old Walrus-Faced
24:25Melchit
24:25and his smelly old shirt.
24:27Would you like me
24:28to tell this one
24:29the General Blackadder,
24:30or would you enjoy
24:31that very special man?
24:33Oh, my God.
24:35Oh, my God.