- 13 hours ago
The internet's favorite couple Khadeen and Devale Ellis take the stage at The Glow Up to host our first live Dear, Black Love. They don’t hold anything back as they discuss sex, their blossoming careers and their brood of four boys. Kathleen Newman-Bremang moderates this upbeat conversation that truly embodies Black love.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00So for me, marrying a black woman and loving a black woman is like the epitome of loving myself.
00:04You look so beautiful, everybody in here.
00:07Can you give yourselves a round of applause for coming through? Thank you.
00:10Coming through with the looks.
00:14Okay, you may know them from TV, from your social media feeds,
00:19from their viral social sitcom, or even from their award-winning podcast, Deadass.
00:25He is a former football star turned accomplished actor.
00:30Any Sisters fans in the house?
00:33Yeah, yeah, we're looking respectfully, respectfully.
00:36And she is a superstar TV producer and just all-around incredible human being
00:44who we are also looking at respectfully.
00:46Aside from all that they do, they are also the parents to four, four boys.
00:54Woo, I'm tired just saying that.
00:57So they have been hailed the internet's favorite couple,
01:00and I think they deserve that title.
01:02Without further ado, please welcome a couple that is brimming with authenticity and realness.
01:09It's about to get real up in here.
01:11Please welcome Kadena Daval Ellis.
01:24What's good, what's good?
01:25Any New Yorkers in the building?
01:27Hey!
01:27Anybody from Brooklyn in the building?
01:30We got any Brooklyn heads in here?
01:32All right, I'm in the house.
01:34All right.
01:35I'll take that.
01:35Talk to me nice.
01:36I'll take that.
01:37I'm from Toronto.
01:39Any Canadians?
01:40Canadians in the house?
01:41Crickets.
01:42Oh, hey!
01:43What's up, sis?
01:44Toronto, eh?
01:45What's up?
01:45Toronto, eh?
01:46Toronto, eh?
01:47I heard that drag.
01:48I heard it.
01:49Okay, thank you so much for being here.
01:51We're so excited to have you.
01:53And just before we get started, if anyone does not know, who knows Dear Black Love, our series,
01:58The Unbothered Series, Dear Black Love?
01:59Thank you so much for rocking with us.
02:01We appreciate you.
02:02If you don't know, Dear Black Love basically brings together dynamic duos like these two.
02:09And we delve into deep conversations.
02:12We get into what it means and what it feels like and the privilege it is to love a black
02:19woman.
02:20And so we're so excited to be here with Kadida DeVell, who are like the blueprint for Black Love right
02:26now.
02:26Oh, you're too kind.
02:27You're too kind.
02:28Thanks for having us, y'all.
02:29That's a lot of pressure.
02:30I ain't trying to have that pressure on me right now.
02:32I get that.
02:32I feel that.
02:33And you've been together 20 years now.
02:36Sue?
02:36Yes.
02:37Yeah, October 3rd will be 20 years.
02:39You know, you have that date that you put out.
02:42That's the date.
02:43That's not actually the date I bagged him, though.
02:46If y'all want to go back to the date that I bagged him.
02:48I do.
02:48That was going to be my next question.
02:49Let's take it back to the beginning.
02:51All right.
02:51To the beginning.
02:52So we actually date back to technically elementary school days.
02:56So he was in the second grade.
02:57I was in the third grade.
03:00And, you know, I was, you know, I was, I noticed him.
03:03But we were babies, you know.
03:05Fast forward years later.
03:06We're going to rival high schools.
03:08There's an event that I was asked to come and co-host.
03:11And I noticed on the lineup of honorees at the scholarship banquet, Davao Ellis.
03:16So I was like, okay.
03:17Kind of knew of him because we would cross paths our entire lives.
03:20Lived in the same area for years.
03:23She was a stalker.
03:25Lived in the same area for years.
03:28And I was like, you know what?
03:29This might be my opportunity to shoot my shot.
03:31So, you know, I got myself together.
03:34I knew he was going to be there.
03:35I pulled out a cute little dress, you know.
03:38And I was plotting on him from jump, from early.
03:41And got to the event.
03:42I saw him and his brother standing there.
03:44And that's when I went over.
03:45I introduced myself.
03:46And we got to talking.
03:49And then the rest is pretty much history.
03:50There was a little back and forth in between there.
03:52Between August and October.
03:54On October 3rd, we had our first official, I would say, date.
03:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:58And he couldn't get enough of me after that.
03:59So here we are.
04:01That's facts.
04:02That's all facts.
04:03Davao, when did you know that she was the one, like, this was your person?
04:07Because you just called her a stalker.
04:08So you need to make up for it.
04:09Nah, nah.
04:10Come on.
04:10So what I learned early is that women love differently.
04:15You know what I'm saying?
04:15Two weeks into us being together.
04:17I remember being on the phone.
04:18And we had been on the phone every single day.
04:20And we were getting off the phone.
04:21And she was like, all right, I love you.
04:23And I was like, thanks.
04:27Because I didn't know what to say.
04:29I didn't know what to say.
04:30I didn't want to be disrespectful.
04:32But I was kind of like, it's two weeks.
04:33Like, you wilding.
04:36And if I'm being honest, I was 18.
04:39I'm an athlete.
04:40I'm at a Division I school.
04:41I'm thinking about smashing.
04:43Like, she had this long hair.
04:45She had a super slim waist.
04:46Ass is fat.
04:47That's why my hair was real, y'all.
04:49This ain't my hair.
04:50I bought it, though.
04:51But, yeah.
04:52Like, my mindset wasn't there.
04:53But she kept telling me how open she was to letting me figure out if I wanted to be in
05:01a relationship or not.
05:02And that kind of intrigued me because there was no pressure to be with somebody.
05:06And every time I had to make a decision of whether I wanted to go do something else or
05:09wanted to spend time with her, it was like, dang, every single day I wanted to spend time
05:13with her.
05:14And it was like, this is the one then.
05:16If I'm getting an opportunity to choose and I'm choosing her, she has to be the one.
05:21And that's how it happened.
05:23I love that.
05:24I love that.
05:25So, we know who said I love you first.
05:29But how did you describe each other to your best friends in, like, the very, very beginning?
05:34Because I think that's very telling.
05:36Listen, y'all.
05:37After that event third, the October 3rd event that I met DeVal at, well, it was pretty much
05:42like we kind of got together.
05:43I was attending an event at Hofstra University.
05:46He was attending Hofstra.
05:48So, I felt like it was kind of like the stars aligning for us to see each other again and
05:52start something.
05:53So, after hanging out with him for about four hours, we were in his dorm room.
05:58We wasn't doing the do.
06:00Yet.
06:01Not yet.
06:01We were hanging out, though.
06:03We were hanging out.
06:04We were eating.
06:04We were having a good time.
06:06And I remember leaving that space with him, getting in the car, calling my cousin, who was
06:13like my sister, my best friend.
06:14And she was like, how'd it go?
06:15Because she knew I was so excited to meet him and spend time with him.
06:19And I said, girl, I met my husband tonight.
06:22Woo!
06:23I said that to her.
06:24And to this day, she still jokes about it because she was like, man, that nigga had a big ass
06:29head.
06:30He was like, she said he was shaped like a pot spoon.
06:33He had a big head.
06:34Nobody.
06:35I was skinny.
06:35I was skinny.
06:36He was skinny.
06:37She was like, your husband, though.
06:39She's like, that's a bit much.
06:40And I was like, nah.
06:41I was like, there's something about him.
06:43I said, we sat and spoke for four hours as if we were old friends just catching up on time.
06:48Like, it was effortless.
06:50It was simple.
06:50It was comfortable.
06:51And that was just when I knew.
06:55Well, my conversation with my brother was not the same.
06:59Wow.
07:00Again, you got some making up to do, DeVal, as this conversation goes up.
07:03I called my brother.
07:05He was like, yo, so what happened?
07:06I was like, yo, she came by.
07:08She came to the dorm room.
07:09His first question was, did you smash?
07:13And I was like, nah.
07:15He was like, ah, you whack.
07:16And I was like, yo.
07:17I was like, actually, she kind of mad cool.
07:19And he was just like, what?
07:21I was like, yeah, because at the time, it was kind of known that I only spent two to three
07:25weeks with a young lady, and then I was ready to just move on.
07:29Like, I was just, I was 18.
07:30You were that guy.
07:31I was an athlete.
07:32Now, I'm going to be honest.
07:33I was always very respectful.
07:35My uncle, my father always told me, anytime a young lady shares herself with you, you
07:41have an obligation to be respectful.
07:43So, I never was disrespectful.
07:45We got claps.
07:45We got claps for the bare minimum, but okay.
07:47No, I'm serious.
07:49I'm serious.
07:50I was never the type of guy that was like, I'm just running and chasing and running.
07:55I always found the quiet girl who was the one that no one could ever get, and I wanted
08:01to be with her.
08:03And we would spend our time together, and it would be a thing between me and her where
08:06she walked by the calf or whatever.
08:08She'd give me a wink.
08:09I'd give her a wink, and we'd know what it is.
08:10I never ran my mouth, because that's, women don't like that.
08:14If you're a guy, and you're running your mouth, and you're telling everybody else who you're
08:17with.
08:17So, there was a lot of young women who wanted to explore this sexuality.
08:20Women, do you agree?
08:21Do you agree with that?
08:22Yeah.
08:22So, that was my thing.
08:24I was quiet.
08:25I was low-key, but I was always a gentleman.
08:27So, he was just expecting that this was going to be another thing, and I was expecting that as
08:31well, and it just wasn't.
08:33Like, I told him, I said, no, we talked.
08:35And he was like, pfft.
08:37Like, I had just got to college.
08:38Now is where you're supposed to conquer when you get to college.
08:41Yeah.
08:41And it didn't happen.
08:42My conquering started and stopped here.
08:45Hmm.
08:46Seriously.
08:48That's cute-ish.
08:52Is there any advice that you would give your younger selves?
08:55Like, if you could go back and talk to that person who met 20 years ago, met that person
09:01that you maybe, on Devel's part, maybe thought that they were going to be with, Kadeen, absolutely
09:06knew.
09:07Would you give advice to that person?
09:08What would it be?
09:10You know, I think the only downside to the fact that we met so early, and we kind of
09:16just knew so early on that this was it, we didn't take time to focus on ourselves as individuals.
09:22And I remember our moms always saying, you know, it's cute and all now.
09:25Y'all love each other.
09:26That's great.
09:26But who is Kadeen as a person?
09:28Do you even know who you are?
09:29Do you even understand the things that you like, the things that you don't like?
09:32And that had nothing to do with exploring men, per se, but just Kadeen as the individual.
09:37What does she want out of life?
09:39What is she looking for?
09:40What does she want to accomplish?
09:42Of course, there were things that I knew that, you know, I wanted to continue through school,
09:46get my grad school degree, get a job, you know, start working, have my own place.
09:51Like, I envision myself having this sex in the city lifestyle where I have my own apartment
09:56and the music is playing in my head as I bop down the street with my Birkin and all that,
10:01you know, prior to even entertaining a man.
10:04But I literally went from my parents' house to his house.
10:07So I never really had that time in between to just focus on myself.
10:12I was growing as a person while keeping someone else in mind.
10:16And that's difficult.
10:17And we had a lot of issues over the years that we had to overcome
10:22because we're not only trying to figure out who we are as a person,
10:26but you're trying to do that and do it respectfully.
10:28And you're trying to do that keeping someone else's emotions in mind.
10:32And that's unfair to yourself and that's unfair to the other person.
10:36So that's what I would tell my parents.
10:37But how did you do that?
10:38Like, how did you carve out that individuality while you were growing together?
10:43I would say open conversations.
10:44Like, one thing about Kay, this is my best friend.
10:47She's been my best friend since we were 18.
10:48There's nothing that we can't talk about.
10:50And if you follow us on the podcast, a lot of people will say,
10:53dang, I can't believe that they talk about that.
10:56Or they've had those conversations.
10:57But those conversations are part of the reason why I can look her in the eye
11:01and know that she's here on her own free will.
11:03There's no obligation.
11:04She makes a choice every morning to wake up and be next to me.
11:07And I do the same thing.
11:08When you can wake up next to someone and feel like that person is here
11:12because they want to be here, it takes away all the guessing game.
11:16So constant conversation, being honest and open in real time,
11:20not letting things fester, and also giving each other time to navigate.
11:24You know, there were times throughout the 20 years where we were like,
11:28you know what, I don't think we should be together right now.
11:31Let's figure out if this is what we want to do.
11:34And during those times is when it was like concrete to us.
11:38Yeah, this is what we want to do because we gave each other time to go figure it out.
11:43You like actually took breaks.
11:44Yes, in college.
11:46In college, definitely.
11:47And it wasn't easy.
11:48I hated it.
11:49I'm not going to lie.
11:50I hated it.
11:51The thought that, once again, this is going to sound so crazy
11:54because once again, I'm 18 to 20 years old.
11:56If I could take this woman that I met that I felt was so perfect
11:59and put her in a glass case so that I can go out and figure out what I want for
12:04myself
12:04and come back, I would.
12:06But I couldn't.
12:06That's not how life works.
12:08So I had to be open to saying, babe, if you want to go do this, go ahead.
12:13And it's not easy for a man.
12:15Your ego starts to come into play and you start to think like,
12:18she's so great, someone else is going to get her.
12:21And then you say, is it more important for me to try to find if I want something else
12:26or work on what I know is right here?
12:28And I chose to work on what I know is right here.
12:32Again, claps.
12:33You don't like to, you just don't like to clap for me.
12:36You seem very angry.
12:38Who hurt you?
12:39Kathleen's a hater.
12:41Because it wasn't me.
12:43The shade of the shade.
12:45I just would like some more claps for Katine over here.
12:47All right.
12:49I just, no, that was really nice.
12:52And you are a great person.
12:53Look, there it goes again, the shade.
12:56I need you when we go outside and it's sunny.
12:58I just need the shade.
13:00So we talked about how it started.
13:02I want to talk about how it's going and how you keep up this longevity,
13:05which DeVal, you just touched on.
13:06But what is the easiest thing to love about your wife?
13:10The easiest thing to love about my wife?
13:14Wow.
13:14To be honest, it would have to be her being a mom.
13:18Like I watched, I watched this woman give birth to my first son, had to almost have a blood transfusion,
13:25do hours of surgery.
13:27I said at that point that if she made it through this, we're not having any more kids.
13:31This was my promise to God.
13:33Like, I do not want to lose my wife.
13:36And then five years later, she says she wants to do it again.
13:39This time she did it without any medication.
13:42She did it naturally.
13:43Then did it again naturally at home in a bathtub.
13:46Then did it again naturally at home.
13:48It's like to watch a woman's power and to be able to be a vessel of life to create humanity
13:54is amazing.
13:55Like there's nothing.
13:56And I'm not trying to belittle women with careers and say careers don't matter.
14:00But to be a vessel of life and be able to create life is something that only women can do.
14:05Like anybody can have a career, but only a woman can do that.
14:09So the easiest thing would be watching her be a mom.
14:11Like that's just the most amazing thing.
14:12It's my favorite thing.
14:13Y'all can clap for that.
14:14Where are you going to clap?
14:15Oh, now I get a clap.
14:16Now I get a clap now.
14:18My favorite thing to do, though, is mom.
14:22Okay, Kadeen, what's the hardest thing to love about DaVal?
14:26Oh, man.
14:27Y'all see the setup, though?
14:30Y'all see?
14:31Wait, wait, wait.
14:32Watch how I finesse this, though.
14:33Watch how I finesse this, though.
14:34All right, finesse this, baby.
14:35Go ahead, finesse this.
14:36So the hardest thing to love about DaVal is that DaVal has no off switch.
14:43And because he has no off switch,
14:50the hardest thing to love about somebody that does not have an off switch is that he's
14:57always going.
14:58He has the tenacity and the work ethic and the resiliency and the unyielding desire to succeed
15:06unlike anybody I've ever seen.
15:08When I met DaVal at 18, that conversation that we had in that dorm room over a hero sitting
15:14on the bed, we're sitting down just like, yo, so what you want to do with your life?
15:18Like, we here in college.
15:19What you want to do?
15:20And he said, you see that on TV?
15:23And I was like, yeah.
15:24He's like, that's Martin.
15:25I was like, yeah, that's one of my favorite shows.
15:27He's like, yeah, me too.
15:28I want to do that.
15:28I want to be an actor.
15:30And I was like, okay, that's cool.
15:32So how are you going to do that?
15:33I'm like joking at the time, but how are we going to do that?
15:35How are we going to make you an actor?
15:36Now, I don't want to cut you off, but that right there made me fall in love.
15:40For the first time in my life, I told somebody my dreams and they didn't laugh.
15:44She said, how are we going to do that?
15:46And I was like.
15:47And it was a joke at the time because I'm like, look at me including myself in his dream, right?
15:51But I was like.
15:52That hit me though.
15:53The way he said it with such certainty that he just knew he was going to be actor.
15:59Here we are 20 years later.
16:00And what is he, y'all?
16:01An actor.
16:02Yeah.
16:02A working actor.
16:03And I didn't get hit by myself.
16:05My wife in college when I was, we made up that same day, we made a plan.
16:09I was like, I'm good enough to go to the NFL.
16:12Once again, you have this delusional confidence, you know, when you want to be successful.
16:17And I said, I'm going to go to the NFL.
16:18If I can make it to the practice squad, I can make $100,000 in four months.
16:22We could buy a house in Brownstone in Brooklyn.
16:24We could rent out the top two floors.
16:26We can live downstairs.
16:27We don't have to pay rent and we don't have to be starving artists.
16:30From the time I told her that, everything I wanted to do to put my dream in place,
16:34she was right there next to me.
16:36She taught me how to read my dar.
16:37When I was too tired from going to football practice, she went in and signed me in the
16:41classes.
16:42Like, when I tell you she was with me shooting in the gym, when I was training for the NFL,
16:47she used to drive me to my speed training and weightlifting classes.
16:50Come back, she used to make me meals.
16:52When I separated my shoulder, I had to sleep sitting up for the last two games.
16:56I went out on the couch and was sitting like this.
16:58She came and sat up next to me.
17:00And this is the crazy part.
17:01I'm 5'9 at the time, 165 pounds at Hofstra University.
17:07It's not like I'm at Alabama and I'm going to be a number one overall pick.
17:11Nobody believes I'm going to the NFL except for me and my girl.
17:15And I got there because we worked on it together.
17:19Like, there was no just DeVal doing this.
17:22Everything we've done from the time we were 18 until now has been together.
17:26And the reason why that's sometimes hard to love, yeah, and the reason why that's hard
17:30to love sometimes is because sometimes I just want my husband.
17:33We work together a lot.
17:34We have the podcast.
17:35We have the content we create with our children.
17:38Sometimes I'm going to need you to clock out, my G.
17:40Like, I'm going to need my husband.
17:41I don't need the business partner.
17:42I don't need the co-host.
17:45I don't need actor DeVal.
17:47But sometimes I need Zach because y'all saw that Blue Light special.
17:51Did anybody see the Blue Light special?
17:54Respectfully.
17:55Respectfully.
17:55That's how we got Dakota.
17:56That's how come Dakota's here.
17:58I literally went on Amazon and was like, give me a Blue Light.
18:00Check out Cart.
18:01He was home.
18:02Blue Light.
18:02Dakota's here.
18:03So sometimes I'm going to have him clock in at Zach.
18:05But other than that, I just want my man.
18:08I want my best friend.
18:09I want my boyfriend.
18:10We have moments like that.
18:11So it's difficult sometimes because as much as I love his unyielding work ethic, sometimes
18:15I'm like, bro, I'm going to need just you.
18:19And I was listening to your podcast and DeVal, you said something similar where you were like,
18:23I miss my girlfriend.
18:25And it's so interesting to me that, first of all, you all can say that stuff out loud
18:28to each other.
18:28But also that like, it's almost like jealousy, but you're like jealous of a different version.
18:34No, it's not almost jealousy.
18:35It is, right?
18:36Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
18:37I get jealous sometimes.
18:38I get jealous of my kids.
18:40I get jealous of her career.
18:42I get jealous of things because we started everything together.
18:46It was just her and I.
18:47So I'm used to having her attention and her sense of urgency towards me all the time.
18:52But that shifts when you have children, especially when you have a mom that's present.
18:57And a lot of men won't say it openly because they fear that they sound like a nag.
19:01And what happens is when you don't speak those things out and you don't let your woman know
19:05that you miss them, they start to think that they're just supposed to be working on other
19:08things and can leave you on the back burner.
19:11I don't want to be left on the back burner because I don't leave her on the back burner.
19:14So I got to be open and say, baby, baby, baby, like, yo, like, I'm here.
19:19Like, don't, don't forget that I'm here.
19:20And part of the reason why we continue to thrive as a couple so much is because I can say
19:25that to her
19:26and she can say that to me and we don't take it personal.
19:29It's just, all right, let me refocus because I might be missing something.
19:32And if you don't remind me, then I'll never know it.
19:35One area I went wrong is, wrong in was expecting him to always be the one to understand.
19:41Because it's like, wow, we got four kids, 11, five, four, and seven months.
19:46I'm expecting you to understand, like, you're an adult.
19:48I can't deal with you right now.
19:50I have this going on.
19:51Or we have this deadline and our manager's on my back about something I have to produce or, you know,
19:56create.
19:57Babe, I'm just, like, you got to wait.
19:58And then I had to realize, like, okay, at what point am I going to make him a priority?
20:02At what point am I going to be able to divide my time where it's impossible to be 100%
20:06to everybody and everything at the same time.
20:09But I do need to designate time and not neglect the fact that my husband wants me.
20:13Because the minute he stopped wanting me, it's going to be a problem.
20:16That's right.
20:17You know, the minute he stopped checking for me, the minute he's not looking for me, then chances are he
20:21might be looking somewhere else.
20:22And I'm not willing to do that because I'm not going to look cute sitting in jail.
20:26So.
20:29She's a lunatic, guys.
20:31It was a warning.
20:31She's a lunatic.
20:33She's crazy.
20:33The onus was on me.
20:36Okay, this is a question we ask every couple we talk to in this series.
20:40And it is, how does it feel to love a black woman?
20:45This is, it's not a difficult question for me because I grew up with a black mom.
20:51Like, mom, I don't, I never saw myself marrying anybody other than a black woman.
20:57Because my grandmother and my mom made it very clear to me not to bring anybody else in the house.
21:05So it was just, that's what it was.
21:07But also, I grew up in a house that was very big in the civil rights movement.
21:10My family grew up in Jim Crow South.
21:13And I am very keen on the struggles.
21:15And I know history.
21:16If you guys don't follow, we teach our children's true American history.
21:20Not black history.
21:22We teach them true American history.
21:24From the Civil War to convict leasing to black codes.
21:27My children know everything about the history of this country.
21:30And I personally don't feel like any other woman outside of my community can understand my struggle as a black
21:36man.
21:37When I come home at night, I don't want to have to explain to my wife, who may not be
21:43black, why I'm angry.
21:45Because I have friends who've married outside.
21:48And they come back and they say to me, like, you can't you believe she's going to say to me
21:52why everything has to be about race?
21:55And sometimes I say, bro, I can't understand that because she's not black.
21:59You have to understand that you made that choice.
22:01So you have to educate her.
22:02I just felt like marrying a black woman is marrying someone who knows me.
22:07And someone who can also teach my children how to be black.
22:11So for me, marrying a black woman and loving a black woman is like the epitome of loving myself.
22:18Okay, soundbite.
22:20Oh, I get a clap for that.
22:21I get a clap from you too.
22:22You got a clap from me.
22:24You earned that.
22:26Okay.
22:27We're going to get to some rapid fire questions before we get to some of your questions.
22:33So if you've got questions, please get them ready.
22:35All right.
22:36All right.
22:36You got to answer very quickly.
22:37All right.
22:38Okay.
22:39Kadeen.
22:40What would DeVal say is your greatest strength?
22:42Oh, five, four, three, two, one.
22:46Answer.
22:48Wrong.
22:49I literally drew a blank.
22:50Sorry.
22:53I know.
22:54I know what it is.
22:55Tell me.
22:55Tell me.
22:55Her resiliency.
22:56This woman, she cheated death twice having babies.
23:00She graduated magna cum laude.
23:03She was valedictorian of a middle school.
23:05She did all of that while being an amazing mom and beautiful and a wife.
23:12And she still drops it when I ask her to.
23:14She just does everything.
23:17I guess I have a hard time trying to figure out what I do well because I'm always picking
23:20It's her resiliency.
23:21There's nothing can face her.
23:23That's also his job too is to big you up when you can't yourself.
23:26I appreciate that.
23:27Okay.
23:27DeVal, you just answered that.
23:28So I'm going to go back to Kadeem for the next one.
23:29Go back to me.
23:30If DeVal could play one song for the rest of his life, what would it be?
23:35One song for the rest of his life, Beauty by Drew Hill.
23:40Ooh, is that correct, DeVal?
23:42It is.
23:43Because that's the song that we first made love to.
23:45Oh, wow.
23:47But that's not the song we first had sex to though.
23:49But it's the first song we made love to.
23:51Well, damn.
23:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:54Beauty happened when it was very deliberate.
23:56It was.
23:57At the moment when, you know, it started.
23:59That's the song that was playing.
24:00The song was on.
24:01We was in the moment.
24:02I looked at her.
24:03She had a tear rolling down her eye.
24:04The one tear.
24:05I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
24:07It was that Denzel tear.
24:09I was like, what happened?
24:11You all right?
24:12Denzel tear.
24:12She was like, I don't know.
24:15I just love you.
24:16This feels right.
24:18This feels right.
24:20Yeah.
24:22That's what that is.
24:23That's love.
24:25I was, yeah, I was 19.
24:27Yeah, he was finessing it.
24:28I was like, sorry.
24:29I was in my moment.
24:30I was in my moment.
24:32Wow.
24:33We're going to remember that one.
24:34Right.
24:35That answer.
24:38Okay.
24:38If Kadeem could only play one song for the rest of her life, what would it be?
24:42I would say Bob Marley, Three Little Birds, because she's from Jamaica, bullet, bullet, bullet.
24:49Hey, so am I.
24:51Hey, Jamaica.
24:52Our son's middle name is Marley, and Three Little Birds represent her brother, her sister,
24:56and they also represent her grandmother who passed away, so that's what I would say.
25:00Oh, that was a nice try.
25:03Damn, that up.
25:06That was a nice try.
25:08I have several songs.
25:09See?
25:10She don't know.
25:11How am I supposed to know she don't know?
25:13Women never know.
25:14This is what it's like going to get something to eat.
25:15What you want to eat, babe?
25:16Well.
25:16Okay, these are, it's supposed to be quick fire, y'all.
25:18Come on.
25:19She don't even know.
25:20I know.
25:21All right, I'll give you that one.
25:22That was good.
25:22I have the Three Little Birds tattooed here on my hand, too.
25:24Oh, that's beautiful.
25:25Very sentimental.
25:26Very sentimental.
25:27Khedin, describe Davel as a meal.
25:29Ooh, as a meal.
25:32All right, so he'd probably be my favorite plate, which is...
25:35Probably.
25:37What is going on here?
25:39Wait, okay, you would be my favorite meal, which is rice and peas.
25:44Why?
25:44Because rice and peas with the coconut milk, and it takes time.
25:48Eh, eh, eh, bullet, bullet.
25:49We have a yardie.
25:50We have a yardie.
25:51Because, you know, God took his time making him the same way.
25:53You got to take your time to soak the peas, the rice, the coconut milk, all that, right?
25:58Soak the peas, baby.
25:59Soak the peas.
26:00Soak the peas like they used to do.
26:03All right, so then, with a side of steamed cabbage, because, you know, you need your vegetables,
26:08you need the goods, right?
26:10And then the oxtail.
26:12Woo!
26:14All right?
26:15That's the highest compliment you can give somebody.
26:17Oxtail's not expensive.
26:19Slow-cooked, mad expensive, okay?
26:21The oxtail deer nowadays.
26:24So, the oxtail's slow-cooked, so it's falling off the bone with extra gravy.
26:32With extra gravy.
26:33Heavy on the gravy, baby.
26:35I'll stop your ass up.
26:36Woo!
26:38With a nice side of some limeade.
26:41Sweetened with brown sugar.
26:42Kadeem just gave us a whole meal and then some.
26:46Y'all hungry?
26:47Full three-course meal there.
26:49Okay, we're running out of time.
26:50So, we got to get to, because it is coming up on your 20th anniversary, we're going to
26:56give you the opportunity to give each other an anniversary roast or a toast.
27:01You can choose.
27:02You have 30 seconds starting now.
27:04So, almost 20 years ago, we made this official.
27:08Yes.
27:09And it has been, by far, the best ride of my life.
27:13Thinking about going from having absolutely nothing to all the things and more, I look
27:19forward to many, many more years of deep ass grabs, amazing lovemaking, no more children,
27:33spontaneous trips, and just continuing to build this legacy that we are building for our babies.
27:39One.
27:40And I love you.
27:41I love you.
27:41Great.
27:42That was beautiful.
27:43Okay.
27:44DeVal, 30 seconds.
27:46It's very simple.
27:47I'm going to say, baby, when I first met you, I didn't realize that no matter how beautiful
27:51your wife is, she farts in her sleep.
27:56But I love you anyway.
28:00Here is to 20 more years of beautiful kids, amazing meals, chasing our legacy, and sloppy
28:09toppy.
28:10Ooh.
28:12A mess, y'all.
28:13That is a mess.
28:14We're really, really cute.
28:16If you didn't believe in love before this, you do now.
28:19Okay.
28:19Do we have any audience questions?
28:20Audience questions.
28:22Hand in the back right there.
28:23Yes.
28:24Yes.
28:25I'm sorry.
28:26I'm about to go over.
28:27Oh, I like that shirt.
28:27The back is cute.
28:28Time-wise.
28:29First of all, I just want to say what's good to my Brooklyn coming from Flatbush.
28:33What's good, Flatbush, y'all.
28:35I'm a Bush baby, yes.
28:36What's that good?
28:3753rd Avenue D, what's good?
28:39And my question for you guys is I'm currently in a long-distance relationship, and sometimes
28:45it's actually really difficult to make those connections, and actually you end up disconnected
28:50and feeling very far away, not just physically.
28:53So my question for you is have you ever had those times, and if so, how do you find your
28:57way back, and how do you find a way to connect to make sure you're stronger than ever?
29:02Oh, nice.
29:03Yeah, we definitely had, thank you for your question.
29:05What's your name?
29:05Beautiful question.
29:06Kim.
29:06Hi, Kim.
29:07All right, so we definitely had those moments when DeVal was in the NFL, actually.
29:11So that was our first time technically away from each other.
29:14Of course, we went to college together.
29:15He ended up graduating, going to the NFL.
29:18I stayed back at Hofstra for grad school.
29:20I had an additional year.
29:21And that was probably the moment that we had the toughest time, just adjusting to not having
29:25each other nearby, but then also the distance.
29:27You don't have the luxury of seeing each other on a day-to-day basis.
29:30Now, I will say in this society now, in this time period, because Lord, it feels like it
29:35was so long ago, I think there's an advantage that people have with FaceTime, with all the
29:40different ways that you can connect with someone, that I almost feel like it's almost
29:44inexcusable to not have a way to connect with someone, even with distance.
29:47So the person has to be deliberate about wanting to make the time to connect.
29:50I don't think there's any excuses that should be made.
29:53When we had to then take flights to get to each other, of course, that was difficult.
29:57It was expensive.
29:58We were in college.
29:59We didn't have the funds.
30:00So we were trying to make it possible.
30:01But I feel like now with distance, there are just so many ways to connect with someone
30:06that sometimes you have to be intentional about disconnecting from your devices.
30:11Use those ways to stay connected.
30:13As long as someone's deliberate and intentional about wanting to be a part of your life, wanting
30:18to be connected to you, I feel like there really should not be any excuse with all of
30:22the resources that we have now.
30:24And I'll say this too.
30:26People make time for what's important.
30:28So if it's important for you and it's important for him, y'all will find a way.
30:32Also, don't be intimidated by trying to do, quote unquote, too much.
30:36You'll have people saying, don't always be the one to reach out.
30:39Don't do this.
30:39Don't do that.
30:40Do what you feel.
30:40If you feel that you want to do that, don't not do it because society tells us you have
30:46to pull back.
30:47This woman never pulled back.
30:48She came and got me a thousand percent and I'm here.
30:51When I wanted her, I went and got her.
30:53All my boys telling me, you're doing too much.
30:55Don't do this.
30:55Or you're going to look like a sucker.
30:56You're going to look like a simp.
30:58Here I am 20 years in.
30:59You understand what I'm saying?
31:00So if you want something, go get it.
31:02And that's not just about relationship.
31:03That's about life.
31:04So if that relationship is something you want, go get it, ma.
31:06And it's yours.
31:08That was a really, really beautiful question.
31:10I'm so sorry.
31:11We are out of time.
31:13Actually, can we do one more?
31:14Okay.
31:14One more real quick question.
31:15One more real quick question.
31:16You right there.
31:18And you guys have like 10 seconds on the clock to answer it.
31:20Okay.
31:21We got you.
31:22We'll make it quick.
31:23Give us your name.
31:24Real quick.
31:24First up with your name.
31:25And then real quick question.
31:26My name is Dulce.
31:28And I got to put on my shades because y'all shining.
31:30Oh, you're so good.
31:31Y'all should put shades on.
31:32I'm shining out here.
31:33Yo, that's funny.
31:35I still didn't have time.
31:36And you took time to put your shades on.
31:38My question is, do you guys have a time limit for how long you will be giving your relationship
31:44to us because we appreciate seeing it in the black love, but like, it doesn't seem like
31:49it's sustainable for a real love relationship.
31:52Oh, man.
31:52I'm glad you asked that question.
31:53Girl, because I'll be ready to clock out like today.
31:57Like today.
31:58Here's the truth, right?
32:00There's 1,440 minutes in a day, right?
32:03If we give you three minutes a day, that's less than a thousandth of a percent of our actual
32:08time.
32:09Okay, man.
32:09Which means this is what I do.
32:11That's how I make the money, right?
32:12But I say that to say this.
32:14What you see from us is not a large part of our life.
32:17It's just the part that's curated so that you can see it.
32:20I always take time to make sure that my wife, my kids, and my business are taken care of
32:25first.
32:26So there may be lapses where you're like, dang, I haven't seen the Ellis' in a couple of
32:29days.
32:29That means I didn't have those three minutes to spare.
32:31But as long as I'm here on this earth and we decide that we want to do it together, we're
32:36always going to share our relationship because inspiring people is the greatest gift you can give
32:40the world.
32:40And that's all we want to do.
32:42And even if that's inspired people to say, you know what?
32:44I don't ever want to be married because I don't want to be that selfless and that committed
32:47to someone else.
32:48It's still an inspiration to know that someone else wants to live life a certain way.
32:52And that's just part of our testimony.
32:54That's part of who we are.
32:55So we're going to just keep doing it till the wheels fall off.
32:57And the only thing that keeps us going is y'all.
32:59Literally.
32:59Yes.
32:59I have days that I wake up, I'm like, DeVal, I don't want to talk to nobody.
33:03I don't want to post nothing.
33:04I don't want to be on social media.
33:05I just want to be in my bubble.
33:07But then I get a reminder from somebody like you or somebody on the street that says, you
33:11have no idea how much your podcast saved my marriage.
33:13You have no idea how much you're impacting the culture or society.
33:17And that's what keeps us going.
33:18And so we appreciate y'all for all the love and the support.
33:20Thank you for being here.
33:22Thank you for sitting in these seats.
33:23We appreciate you.
33:24Thank you so much.
33:25Thank you both, Kadina and Neval.
33:27Wow, this was an incredible talk.
33:29Thank you so much.
33:31Even for the shade.
33:33I had to throw a little.
33:34Come on.
33:35Men, you need some shade sometimes.
33:37Okay, thank you so much for being here.
33:39And we're wishing you 20 more years and a lifetime of happiness together.
33:52And we're wishing you 20 more years and a lifetime of happiness together.
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