- 1 day ago
Deck the Mall
The gang tries to survive the Christmas shopping rush and ends up locked in the mall. Jonesy is hired as "Santa's little helper", but is later fired for hitting on a mom. The gang then goes to a movie, but they are kicked out for making too much noise.
The gang tries to survive the Christmas shopping rush and ends up locked in the mall. Jonesy is hired as "Santa's little helper", but is later fired for hitting on a mom. The gang then goes to a movie, but they are kicked out for making too much noise.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Time's Less!
00:15So, what do you want for Christmas?
00:17You haven't started shopping yet?
00:19Are you crazy? You'll be buried alive!
00:22Funny, that's what Jonesy said when he asked me to pick up a secret Santa gift for you.
00:26You mean he's not even buying my gift himself?
00:28Ah, jerk! Okay, Kujo goalie pads in size 16 and a Leafs jersey in an 8.
00:33No, I wanted the goalie pads in size 8 and the jersey in a 16. I'm on a break. Can
00:39you speed it up?
00:40Excuse me, miss. Could you just have a quick peek for my tennis balls? I think they're in.
00:46Could you just have a quick boo? Ah, little looky.
00:50Right. Just a minute, sir.
00:52I was thinking we could do our secret Santa at Grind Me. That way we could sip hot chocolates while
00:56we open presents.
00:57Caitlin, I really don't have time for this right now.
01:00Ow!
01:01Isn't that cute? I think he wants to learn badminton.
01:05Adorable. I'll wrap it up for you.
01:07I hope he plays with it in the house.
01:10Masterson! Customer needs a fitting for a new jockstrap! Aisle 3, start!
01:16Oh!
01:17Oh!
01:21Oh!
01:26I'll be right back.
01:33I don't think so.
01:39I hate working Christmas! I hate working Christmas! Stupid! Annoying! Pushy! Last minute! Customers!
01:49Merry Christmas!
01:58So what do you think?
01:59You really want to know? I hate it.
02:02Snappish, are you okay?
02:03Yeah, you don't look so good.
02:05I'm fine. Nuh-uh. I've seen you live through inventory without even messing up your hair. Something's wrong.
02:12I'm sorry. I just can't get into the holidays this year.
02:16This is the first Christmas since the big parental split, huh?
02:19Yeah.
02:20That's so harsh.
02:22But that's not the worst of it.
02:23What do you mean?
02:24We didn't want to tell you guys, but Jonesy's dad and my mom are kind of... dating.
02:31Whoa.
02:32No way!
02:33Why didn't you tell us?
02:35I don't know. I just don't like picturing my parents going on dates. It's weird.
02:39It's totally weird.
02:41I wonder if they kiss with tongue.
02:44Ew!
02:45Jude!
02:46Jude!
02:46What? Did you think they were gonna stay your innocent little parents forever?
02:51Anyway, my dad's away. So my sister Courtney and I have to spend Christmas break with Jonesy and his stinky
02:58brothers. And they have all these stupid traditions we're expected to adopt or something.
03:03At least you and Jonesy are friends.
03:04Trust me. Spending an entire weekend with him is a completely different thing. You do not know disgusting until you
03:11share a bathroom with three boys. It's so rank after they leave, you don't even have time to make a
03:16face. You just go blind.
03:18Ew! Gross! Are they all like that?
03:22Pretty much.
03:23Great news, guys. Santa's ulcers are acting up.
03:27That's good.
03:28Good for me. The job's up for grabs and it's a sweet deal. You get to sit on your butt
03:32all day. Wish me luck.
03:35That is what I have to look forward to. I might as well accept that it's never going to be
03:39the same.
03:40Well, we'll just make our own super fun Christmas tradition here.
03:44The mall closes early, so why don't we all do something fun after presents like go for pizza?
03:50Sounds like a plan, Stan. Sick.
03:53We're supposed to come right home after work. Besides, right now I can't wait to get out of this mall.
03:59I'm not wearing that.
04:01But it's Christmas. Put it on. Put it on.
04:04Okay, okay. Happy?
04:08And I know you're busy, so I'll help you do your shopping. Come on.
04:12Go ahead, dudettes. I've got presents to wrap.
04:16You're going to make someone very happy tomorrow, Mr. Ball.
04:22Okay, you're starting to get on my nerves, dude.
04:28Hey! Watch where you're going, monkey boy. Everyone has lost it.
04:33Working at the mall in Christmas bites.
04:36Hey, did you hear about Jen and Jonesy's parents hooking up? Jen's kind of freaking out.
04:41I don't blame her. So, if they got married, that would make Jen and Jonesy step-siblings?
04:46Yeah. Weird, huh?
04:49Poor Jen.
04:51Ow!
04:52Aw, man. That's the third one I've lost today.
04:55Who was that for?
04:56A special guy I like to call me.
05:00Jude, you're not supposed to be shopping for you right now.
05:03I can't help it. Everything's so shiny and looks so good.
05:07Yeah, well, I've got three hours to find something for my mom who will hate whatever I buy anyway, so
05:12why do I bother?
05:13Just get her a gift certificate.
05:14I heard about your mom.
05:16Do you think they kiss with tongue?
05:18Jude!
05:19Oh!
05:19Ah!
05:20Speaking of gross, did I mention that Jonesy's family have a turkey-eating contest?
05:25The secret is to eat as much as you can in the first seven minutes before your brain registers that
05:31your stomach's full.
05:32Thanks.
05:33Anytime.
05:34So, why don't you just tell Jonesy you're not into it?
05:38Be right back.
05:39Hello?
05:40Because my mom made this big deal about making the boys feel welcome.
05:45It's so Brady Bunch!
05:46Guess what, guys? Jonesy got the job at Santa's Village!
05:50Gee, maybe if I'm really lucky, he'll wear a Santa suit home.
05:54I know! Let's all go see him!
05:59Come on, we'll grab everyone. It'll be fun!
06:02Oh, why not continue the holiday horror?
06:04Hey, where's Wyatt?
06:05Last time I saw him, he was in the lineup at Grind Me. You do not want to be around
06:08him before he's caffeinated.
06:10Hey! Yo, what's up?
06:13If I wasn't so tired, I'd be laughing at those hats.
06:16He is grumpy.
06:18One no-foam, extra-tall cappuccino.
06:26I feel weak. Is my hand shaking?
06:29Don't worry, guys. This is so gonna cheer you all up.
06:32Huh?
06:32Oh, my lord.
06:36Well, that cheered me up.
06:39Oh, man.
06:42Nice look, Jonesy. Go easy on him, bruv.
06:46Poor dude can't find his pants.
06:50I hate Christmas.
06:54Where should we look next?
06:56What did you say?
06:58I said, where should we look for Caitlyn's present?
07:01Huh?
07:03I'll give you $6.75 if you stop playing.
07:10Hey, maybe I can find Caitlyn something in here.
07:13Khaki holidays!
07:15Give it!
07:16Get it!
07:16Got it! Yeah!
07:17Need a gift?
07:18Get them the Somebody Loves Me sweater.
07:20The cast of the OC wears them in her ass.
07:22It's perfect for everyone.
07:24Yeah, and if you don't get one, it means nobody loves you.
07:29Really heavy.
07:31I'll take one in the chick's size and one in my dude's size.
07:35Ahem.
07:36But dude, it's the Somebody Loves Me sweater.
07:40What if I don't get one?
07:42Hmm.
07:43Fine. I'll just take the chick one.
07:45Now, where can I find Nikki?
07:47The Grinch.
07:48Change room duty.
07:49Be right back.
07:50Do I have one of these already?
07:53Yes, but buy another.
07:55Okay, I am so incredibly loved.
07:58Please hurry.
08:01Jude, what are you doing here?
08:03Getting a Love Me sweater?
08:05What are you doing here?
08:06Ugh.
08:07Hiding.
08:07I think I'm helping someone.
08:08Do you think this is a good gift?
08:10Ugh.
08:11Well, it depends on whether the recipient is someone who'd rather be a fashion sheep or an individual.
08:15It's for Caitlyn.
08:17It's perfect.
08:17Now, scram before you catch me.
08:19Khaki holidays!
08:21Ugh.
08:25Guess what?
08:26I got my gift for Jude, your gift for Wyatt, Jonesy's gift for you, and Nikki's gift for me.
08:31What about the lineups?
08:32I'm a professional.
08:33And you haven't seen aggressive shoppers until you've been to a sample sale.
08:37Ugh.
08:37This is impossible.
08:39Let me do it.
08:40I'm a master rapper.
08:43Ho, ho, ho.
08:44What do you want?
08:44It's me.
08:45Don't forget to grab the hockey socks for the Jonesy family tradition three-legged race around the tree.
08:49Okay?
08:50Gotta go.
08:51Ugh.
08:51I can't keep pretending I'm into all this.
08:53I just want to have things the way they were.
08:56Excuse me, young lady.
08:57Can I get these in another size?
08:59Take a number, Tubby.
09:02You just told off Santa Claus.
09:04Wow.
09:05You must be really bummed.
09:07Jonesy hasn't even asked what I want to do for Christmas.
09:10At least he has Christmas spirit.
09:14Ho, ho, ho.
09:16Merry Christmas.
09:18Nice tights.
09:19That's it.
09:20Don't expect anything from Santa.
09:22I'm putting you on his naughty little brat list.
09:27Hello, yummy mummy.
09:29Hey, kid.
09:30You forgot your candy cane.
09:32So beautiful.
09:32Have you been naughty or nice?
09:35Hey!
09:37Pervert!
09:39This elf was trying to pick me up!
09:42You're fired!
09:43I want you out of my village now!
09:45But I'm your little helper.
09:47Oh, I'm gonna get you, kid.
09:49That's it.
09:50This Christmas officially sucks.
10:02I'm so bagged.
10:04I would have totally scored that yummy mummy if it hadn't been for these stupid tights.
10:09Right.
10:09So, did you guys find your secret Santa presents?
10:12I had to fight off six psycho bargain hunters for that.
10:16Okay, grumpy bears.
10:18Christmas cheer for all.
10:20Help yourselves.
10:27That's awful!
10:29What is that?
10:29The eggnog candy cane smoothie.
10:33I thought it'd be festive.
10:36Sorry.
10:36Last minute shoppers annoy me.
10:38It's not like Christmas just surprises you.
10:40It's on the same day, every year for sobbing out loud.
10:43And if I hear deck the halls one more time, I'm gonna kill myself!
10:53That wasn't very Christmas-like.
10:56I'm with Nicky.
10:57Working here has stomped all the holiday cheer I had into the ground.
11:00Yeah!
11:02Ho, ho, ho!
11:03Look at me!
11:04I'm Santa!
11:05I can fire elves!
11:08Okay, guys.
11:09I know y'all hate Christmas right now, so let's just do something fun together.
11:13I could sneak us into a movie for free.
11:16Shut up!
11:17That would be so great!
11:19I promised I'd go straight home.
11:21Come on, guys.
11:22Stop being so lame.
11:24Please, please, please!
11:26Two hours and then you can go.
11:28It'll be our own little Christmas Eve party.
11:30I could skip the annual Trivial Pursuit game.
11:33My uncle cheats.
11:34Cool.
11:34I'm in.
11:35Eh, what the heck.
11:37This is gonna be just like a Saturday night.
11:39Only Christmas-y here.
11:41Meet you guys out front.
11:42I've gotta go return this costume.
11:44Oh, but it's so sexy.
11:45Back at you, Rudolph.
11:47Come on, guys.
11:48Let's go!
12:03This may be the best idea ever.
12:09What the?
12:11This is so cool of you, Jonesy.
12:13Think we can agree on a movie?
12:15Sure.
12:16Yeah.
12:16No worries.
12:16So what makes your movie so much better than mine?
12:19Easy.
12:19Mine's about hot chicks and spies.
12:21Yours is about a bunch of sweaty dudes climbing rocks.
12:23It'd be better than Wyatt's package.
12:25Just because none of you actually read doesn't mean you wouldn't like the adaptation of the longest hour.
12:30More like the longest three hours.
12:32It's all good.
12:33We'll settle this the only fair way.
12:35Everybody, draw.
12:41I race cars.
12:43I race cars.
12:43Because for those 60 seconds, nothing else matters.
12:46Not even the babes.
12:48I can't believe we're watching Torque 2.
12:51More torque!
12:52I want fair and square, suckas!
12:56Where are our seats?
12:57I said I could get us in for free.
12:59I didn't say anything about seats.
13:01No biggie.
13:02We'll just sit in the aisles.
13:05haha
13:05Dude, my foot!
13:06Oh, sorry man.
13:07Yo, I can't see squat!
13:09Ah!
13:12Ah!
13:17Haha.
13:18Jen move.
13:18I can't see past your butt!
13:19I never would have come if I knew I'd have to sit on the floor!
13:22Ah!
13:23That's got her creased.
13:24Something about me leaving the toilet seat up last night?
13:27I fell in!
13:29I hate it when you do that.
13:31See? And by the way, it smelled like a cat died in there.
13:35Ew!
13:36Chili fries?
13:37I'll get to come out later. Let's just sit and enjoy the movie, okay?
13:41We can try. Adrenaline junkie guys driving cars fast.
13:45Gee, can you say lowest common denominator?
13:47Not all the drivers are guys. Some of them are hot babes.
13:51Oh, yeah. Come on, be quiet.
13:53Shut up!
13:54I'm so sorry. We'll be more quiet.
13:57Ah, hey there.
14:00Oh.
14:02Hold on!
14:04If you shush us one more time, I'm gonna...
14:07What?
14:08We've had six noise complaints. You're all going to have to leave.
14:21Then Diesel gets in an accident and dies at the end. Enjoy.
14:29At least we still have the presents.
14:32Oh, no! The presents!
14:34I left them outside the lemon!
14:37Oh, man.
14:38Great.
14:39What do you think the chances are that they're still there?
14:41I'd say between Slim and Nun, and Slim just left town.
14:45Are you sure you know the way?
14:45Relax. I know what I'm doing. This is the shortcut.
14:56We've been down this hallway like eight times now.
14:59No, we haven't.
15:01Yes, we have.
15:03Yes.
15:04Told you I'd find it.
15:12Does anyone notice anything strange?
15:16It's closed!
15:18We must have been lost for longer than we thought.
15:21The entrance!
15:24It's locked!
15:25The mall closed at three today.
15:27Oh, no. You mean we're locked in?
15:29And the presents are gone!
15:35Okay. Let's be calm and not put the blame on anyone here.
15:39As if. This is all your fault.
15:42Thanks to your stupid scams, we're spending Christmas Eve at the mall.
15:46Excuse me for trying to make everyone happy.
15:49And we wouldn't have gotten kicked out of the movie if you'd kept your big mouth shut.
15:55It was just a movie, Kate.
15:57It wasn't just a movie. It was supposed to be our Christmas together.
16:01You've all finally convinced me. Christmas does suck.
16:06I've been listening to you guys whine and fight all day long while I'm wearing myself out shopping for all
16:12your stupid gifts.
16:14You said it was a breeze.
16:15I've lied! I'm sick of trying to cheer everyone up. So if you guys want to just beat each other
16:21up, go ahead. Knock yourself out!
16:25I'll take a crack at Jonesy.
16:26Oh, yeah? Ball up, stepsis.
16:28Don't call me that.
16:29See? This is what I'm talking about. You two are so lucky. I used to wish for a brother or
16:35sister and you've got like five of them.
16:38It would be so fun to have a big family at Christmas. Even if they did have stupid turkey eating
16:43contests I didn't want to be in.
16:45You don't want to be in our turkey eating contest?
16:48Not really. I mean, I can handle our parents dating. But you can't just take over everything.
16:53I guess we did kind of take over the family thing.
16:57Okay, maybe I could be a bit more flexible. The stalking race sounds kind of cool.
17:03Whoa, heavy emo action. You okay?
17:06Mm-hmm. Sorry I went postal there, guys. I just wanted to have a big Christmas for once. Kind of
17:13a stupid idea, huh?
17:15No way. It was a great idea.
17:16It was better before all our presents got stolen, thanks to me.
17:20Who cares? We're still friends. You gotta be pretty stoked about that.
17:25Jude, that was so sweet.
17:28Um, I hate to break up this moment, but it looks like none of us will be suffering through our
17:33usual celebrations.
17:34We're locked in the mall, remember?
17:35Oh, yeah. What are we gonna do?
17:39Jonesy, when you were working security, didn't you take a copy of the master key?
17:43Oh, yeah.
17:44Oh, yeah!
17:45Can't believe Ron the Rent-A-Cop trusted you with a key that opens all the doors in the mall.
17:51Including the exit.
17:53We can go home!
17:55Oh, no, we can't. Not yet.
17:57Guys, we have the master key, and we have the entire mall to ourselves.
18:01We can go home!
18:03That's what I'm talking about, yeah!
18:06Christmas is here, and we're gonna have a good time.
18:09Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
18:11Hanging in the mall with some really great friends of mine.
18:15Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
18:18The guy for somebody loves me sweater.
18:21Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
18:24The smoke a Gino egg in her.
18:27Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
18:35Guess what I just found?
18:37Free presents!
18:39Jude.
18:40Dude.
18:41Hey, that looks familiar.
18:43I knew it!
18:45That's my present for Nikki!
18:47Well, it's about time.
18:49I found him over here.
18:50It's the lost and found!
18:52Our Christmas is saved!
18:54It's not the lost and found.
18:55It's a donation box.
18:57Gifts will be picked up Christmas Day and distributed to those in need.
19:00Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
19:03Yeah.
19:04Let's leave them here.
19:05Here's those Christmas noogies you ordered!
19:07Ah!
19:08Jonesy, stop it!
19:09I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
19:12When they open my present, they'll think I love them.
19:15You bought me the Somebody Loves Me sweater!
19:18In what color?
19:20Pink.
19:21Thank you!
19:22You guys are the best!
19:24Now I remember why I don't hate working at the mall.
19:28We'd better get home.
19:29Bobbin' for presents has probably already started.
19:31Cool.
19:32Let's go.
19:43I really needed that.
19:45Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in history, a non-relative walked away with Jonesy's family Christmas cup!
19:53I'll get it back next year.
19:55And by the way, you guys do not want to know what the bathroom smelled like after Miss Champion Turkey
20:01Eater here got through with it.
20:02Ew!
20:03Ew!
20:04Ew!
20:04Ew!
20:05Use my seven-minute tip?
20:07Yes!
20:08Well, this was definitely my most memorable Christmas.
20:12So, should we make getting locked in the mall our new tradition?
20:15Oh, yeah!
20:16Mall's opening any minute.
20:18Finally, things will get back to normal.
20:19Wait, isn't there some tradition that happens the day after Christmas?
20:23Huh?
20:31Thank you, Boxing Day!
Comments