- 4 hours ago
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00:03so you're stuck with Debra's parents for the whole weekend
00:07oh we hardly get to see him so when they come to town we want to spend as much time
00:11as possible
00:12with them
00:21I've been told that's how I feel
00:27I don't know the song about Debra's mom she gives me the willies
00:31what about the husband he's the weird one he got all that lotion on him
00:37he's all slick and moist like a beaver running through the woods
00:44Ray could you get that come in
00:48get the door Ray
00:49all right
00:52come in
00:56oh hello Raymond
00:58hey there uh Debra
00:59happy turkey's eve Raymone
01:02hey same to you
01:04Deb
01:05oh okay
01:06hi mom dad you made it
01:09record time
01:10your mother kept an eagle eye out for smokies
01:13hi there baby
01:17oh isn't this nice
01:20Connecticut grandma and grandpa and regular grandma and grandpa
01:26who wants tootsie pops
01:28meme
01:34oh Lois
01:36um
01:38hi Marie
01:40hi
01:40Marie
01:41you're looking wonderful
01:43I just think I look wrecked
01:46I've been helping Debra cook
01:48You can imagine.
01:51I'll get the rest.
01:52Oh, and Robert, how nice that you're here.
02:18Yo, he had to go.
02:19He's passing a stone.
02:25Could you get up, Frank?
02:26Would you give me a chance?
02:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:29Pants, dad, pants, pants.
02:37You want him up or down?
02:39What kind of party is this?
02:42You can never complain about my parents again ever.
02:45I mean it.
02:47Okay, well, this is all of it.
02:50Oh, my goodness.
02:53How long are your relatives staying, dear?
02:55Well, we hardly get to see them when they come to town.
02:56We want to spend as much time as possible.
03:02This is for our trip to Baden-Baden in Germany.
03:07It's in the Schwarzwald, right on the banks of the Ussbach.
03:12Ussbach?
03:13You know, there are plenty of places with funny sound and names
03:15right here in the U.S.
03:17That's enough, Frank.
03:18Milwaukee.
03:19That?
03:20Lake Tahoe.
03:22What's funny about that?
03:24Tahoe.
03:28Actually, Baden-Baden has the most amazing spa.
03:32It is amazing, or as they say,
03:36Erstenlich.
03:37I got spit all over me here.
03:42Oh, my yams.
03:44Plenty of marshmallows, right, Marie?
03:45Of course.
03:46Because without the marshmallows, it's a damn vegetable.
03:50I'm right in the middle of my yams, so, Ray, could you show my parents upstairs then?
03:54Uh, yeah, all right.
03:55It's just, it's up to us this.
03:58Take them up to the room, Ray.
04:00All right.
04:01We hardly get to see you when you come.
04:02We want to spend as much time as possible with you.
04:08Cape Cod.
04:09Okay.
04:10Yeah, yeah, we get it.
04:14I like the Cod part.
04:21So, this is it.
04:22The bedroom.
04:25You mean Das Schlaufzimmer.
04:30Yeah, that's what I mean.
04:33It's so nice of you to give up your room for us, Raymond.
04:36I hope we're not putting you out.
04:38No, no.
04:39No, except for the part where I gotta get out.
04:46I'll just get my jammies.
04:50You know what's the best thing to sleep in?
04:53A hotel?
04:58Nothing.
04:59Au naturel.
05:01It really gives the body a sense of freedom, huh, honey?
05:04Oh, that freedom ring.
05:08Yeah.
05:09This is wunderbar.
05:14Nice, firm mattress, huh?
05:17Yeah.
05:18Oh, yeah.
05:21This would be great for my hip.
05:40My pillow.
05:41My pillow.
05:56Debra.
06:00Debra.
06:01What?
06:05Does your father shower before he goes to bed?
06:10I don't know.
06:14We have to get a new bed.
06:18Did you just go to sleep?
06:21Goodness, you should be happy to have some normal people in the house for a change.
06:28Hey, say what you want about my father.
06:30He's never been naked in our bed.
06:35For that one Super Bowl.
06:39You told me he was wearing underwear.
06:43Just socks.
06:47We got to get a new bed.
06:56Where are you going?
06:57Thirsty.
07:00You know, if you listen real careful, you can hear my pillow screaming.
07:16Everybody's getting naked in my bed except me.
07:25I'm getting something to drink.
07:27Well, you have to do the homework.
07:29I was doing the homework, commandant.
07:33No, you weren't doing it right.
07:35The binder says to list our partner's positive qualities with examples.
07:40Now, have you done any of this?
07:41Fine.
07:43Warren is very, very good at being controlling.
07:48Controlling S2L.
07:49Let me see what else you wrote.
07:50Get away from me.
07:52Lois, show me what you wrote.
07:53I don't want to look ridiculous this week.
07:56That's right.
07:56All you care about is how you look.
07:59Well, I don't even want to go to this thing.
08:01Why can't we just go to Baden-Baden like we told everybody?
08:05Bye.
08:07Bye.
08:08Bye.
08:17This thing is going to be a waste of time.
08:20You are so damn negative.
08:22You don't think we need a little help?
08:24How about the sex?
08:25What about the sex?
08:26I am not withholding sex from you.
08:28I am tired.
08:29Can I ever be tired?
08:30Is that allowed?
08:34Well, I'm never too tired.
08:36Look out on this.
08:37That's a good quality.
08:39Oh, yes.
08:40You'd like for everyone to see that, wouldn't you?
08:42What?
08:43All of a sudden, discussing our sex life is verboten?
08:47Ugh.
08:48That face.
08:49What face?
08:50Your language face.
08:52Verboten?
08:54Hussbach?
08:58I never made that face.
09:00You have a face for everything.
09:01Here is your, how is my hair face.
09:05Oh, and my favorite, we're out of vermouth.
09:13I need the vermouth to put up with your phoniness.
09:21Oh, we're off to Baden-Baden.
09:26Oh, Robert, how wonderful to see you again.
09:32Come on, you know the guy freaks you out.
09:34You are exactly the same.
09:37And these are not the people to tell that you're going to marriage counseling.
09:41Lois, it's only for a week.
09:43Oh, yes.
09:44Only a week of marriage counseling in New Jersey.
09:47It's like getting shot and then hung.
09:53Hanged.
10:18It's like getting shot and then hung.
11:00What's going on?
11:04What happened to you last night?
11:06Did you go over to your parents to sleep?
11:12Why didn't I think of that?
11:13No, I slept in the damn garage.
11:15What?
11:16You slept in the car?
11:22No, I slept on the sled.
11:26Honey, why?
11:27I was trapped down there.
11:29Your parents were down here yapping
11:31and I fell asleep waiting for them to go upstairs.
11:35What?
11:36So you were hiding from them?
11:38They were talking about personal stuff.
11:43So?
11:45You want to know what they were saying?
11:50What's that smell in the garage?
11:59It was about their trip.
12:03Their fakey-fake trip to that foreign place.
12:10What, Bon Bon Bon?
12:11See?
12:12You want to know.
12:15They're not really going there.
12:20They're going to New Jersey.
12:24New Jersey?
12:26For a week with a marriage counselor.
12:29That's right.
12:35Huh.
12:36Huh.
12:37That's it.
12:38That's all you're going to say, huh?
12:39Come on.
12:40This is big doings here, sister.
12:41Huh?
12:42She...
12:42He hates that she's a phony
12:44and she hates his uspach face.
12:49You know what, Ray?
12:51It's a private matter.
12:52And my parents, unlike yours,
12:55don't feel the need to inflict their lives
12:57on everybody else.
12:59Or maybe they're a little embarrassed
13:01because, as it turns out,
13:03they're not so perfect.
13:05Yeah, or maybe they're just trying
13:07to work out their problems
13:08before their marriage degenerates
13:09into a screaming match like your parents.
13:12Arguing about how deep a pan is
13:14before it's a pot.
13:16If it's three inches, it's a pot.
13:18Everybody knows that, Marie.
13:19If you can't boil an egg
13:21and it's not a pot, you jackass.
13:28Hey, either way,
13:30your perfect little Connecticut,
13:32oh, oh, make sure you cut the crust off
13:34my cucumber sandwich, parents,
13:36are fraughts.
13:38You, listen.
13:39If my parents lit an orphanage on fire
13:42on Christmas Eve,
13:43they wouldn't be as bad as your parents.
13:46Huh?
13:47Yeah.
13:47You son.
13:49What the funeral?
13:53Oh, yeah.
13:56Oh, yeah.
13:58Oh, yes.
14:09Oh, yes.
14:11Oh, yes.
14:12Of fellow
14:12Oh, yes.
14:13Oh, I do it.
14:17Oh, no.
14:17No, no, no, no.
14:17Oh, yes, no.
14:32I always wondered
14:33where the flavor came from.
14:41Oh, no running on Thanksgiving.
14:47Where am I sitting today, Deb?
14:48Uh, between my mom and your mom.
14:58Got any hard cider?
15:02Oh, the parade is on.
15:04I love the parade.
15:08What are you doing?
15:09What?
15:10You turned off the parade just because I said I loved it?
15:13That was a coincidence.
15:16Change it back.
15:18No.
15:19I'm scraping the marshmallows off the yams.
15:24Your parents are a treasure.
15:27Hey, hey, happy Turkey Day, you.
15:30Hey, there.
15:31Yes, Raven, thanks again for the lovely accommodations.
15:35The coziest B&B on Long Island.
15:38The LB is cozy over in Europe.
15:39Oh, I doubt it.
15:41Yeah, so do I.
15:45So, where are you keeping the libations locked up?
15:48There's got to be after five somewhere in the world.
15:51I'm with you, Warren.
15:52Let's get snockered.
15:55Uh, Deborah, let me help you.
15:58Oh, thanks, Mom.
15:59Yeah, right here.
16:00So, how's it going?
16:02Yeah, how's it going?
16:03Everything's fine.
16:04Yeah?
16:05Hmm.
16:06I bet you're real excited about your trip to Hagen Dagen.
16:11Ray.
16:13Yeah.
16:13I'm having a conversation.
16:15I can't talk to my wife's mother.
16:17Pumpkin?
16:18Can I interest you in an aperitif?
16:21Oh, that would be lovely.
16:23Hey, Marie, beer.
16:26Get it yourself.
16:29Here you are, meine Liebsherr.
16:31Oh, thank you, darling.
16:35Oh, just the way I like it.
16:37Wunderbar.
16:38Mom, Mom, that's enough.
16:40What do you mean, dear?
16:41It's enough, okay?
16:44I know.
16:45What?
16:45What's enough?
16:46What do you know?
16:51Nothing, Marie.
16:52That's private.
16:53Private?
16:53What do you mean, private?
16:55Hey, private.
16:57No, you know what?
16:59It's nothing, really.
17:00I don't know what I'm talking about.
17:01I'm sorry about that, Mom.
17:02Okay, let's all eat.
17:04Oh, that sounds like a good idea, Deborah.
17:06Everything looks delicious.
17:08Good.
17:08Okay, Mom, you sit here, Dad.
17:09You can sit here.
17:10No.
17:11What?
17:13I don't want to do this anymore.
17:14Warren.
17:16No, I don't have anything to hide.
17:18I'm tired of these pretensions.
17:20I'm tired of this charade.
17:24As it happens, we're not going to Baden-Baden this week.
17:28We're going to Piscataway.
17:32Hey, that's funny-sounding.
17:37Bose and I are going for a week of marriage counseling.
17:42Well, it's not a full week.
17:44So, can't we talk about something else?
17:47Robert, has your stone passed?
17:57I will never understand you.
18:03I'm sorry, but it's not healthy to go on pretending that everything is fine when it isn't.
18:09Ma, you want to put the turkey down?
18:11No.
18:13Who are you to talk about healthy with your anal retentive behavior?
18:19Why don't you tell everyone about how you keep your left socks in your left drawer
18:23and your right socks in your right drawer?
18:27What's wrong with that?
18:38Maybe Dr. Sheely will have something to say about all of your pent-up hostility.
18:43My hostility?
18:45That's right.
18:45You ought to see this woman in traffic.
18:47Curses like a stevedore.
18:49Well, it's not because of the traffic, Warren.
18:51It's because of your insane whistling.
18:54The whistling drowns out the profanity.
18:56Well, pack her up, Warren, because here it comes.
18:59Hey, Mom, Dad, please just calm down.
19:02Why did you tell Debra about this?
19:04I didn't tell Debra.
19:05Then how did she know?
19:06Ray heard you.
19:07He was hiding in the garage.
19:14I wasn't hiding.
19:16All right, I checked the oil, okay?
19:20And it's a good thing I did because we're caught low.
19:24Well, wonderful.
19:26Now, everybody knows.
19:28I hope you're happy, Warren.
19:30Sweet bastard.
19:31I'm getting happy.
19:40Is everything all right, dear?
19:42He is just impossible.
19:45Go on.
19:48Mom, are you...
19:50It's all right, dear.
19:51We're talking.
19:52I am so tired of my opinion.
19:55Counting for nothing, everything has to be his way.
19:59I swear, ever since he retired, it's not like I'm his wife anymore.
20:03I'm his employee.
20:05And it's all I can do to keep from strangling him.
20:11I feel so close to you.
20:22Do you know he makes me iron his jeans?
20:27He insists that they have a crease.
20:30At least he can wear jeans.
20:33The last time I got a pair for Frank, it was from the maternity jeans.
20:38And I told him they were just stretchy.
20:50Oh, my God.
21:02Hey, your parents seem to be doing okay.
21:03It's nice.
21:04It's not nice.
21:06My father just said, holy crap.
21:10Boy, you always wanted our parents to get along.
21:12Yeah, but I didn't want my parents to convert.
21:18Look at them.
21:18You're right, Marie.
21:20Deborah could get this rug a lot cleaner.
21:24Oh, Frank, I gotta tell you.
21:28I overdid it this year.
21:30Ah.
21:37You know what you need, pal?
21:40A pair of my special stretchy pants.
21:44You know what you are.
21:46Okay.
21:48All right.
21:50Okay.
21:56Bye.
21:57Bye.
21:59Bye.
22:01Bye.
22:04Bye.
22:07Bye.
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