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TVTranscript
00:28Transcribed by —
00:30Honey, I'm home.
01:01Fifty dinosaurs left dead in small, bite-sized pieces.
01:06Seventy-year-old Cora Dubois feigns innocence.
01:10But we'll pursue her relentlessly until she breaks down in tears
01:14and confesses to these horrible acts of unspeakable violence.
01:18It all happens next on Just Admit It, and We'll Go Away.
01:23Ooh, violence.
01:26Hey, where'd the violence go?
01:28You're too young. Watch cartoons.
01:30Give me violence! I want violence! Gotta have violence!
01:34It's either cartoons, or we talk about the problems I'm having with my feet.
01:39Ooh, quite good.
01:47Mom, my creative writing teacher's making us write a poem about our innermost feelings.
01:53But I don't think that's really important, so I wrote this.
01:57My bracelet. It's crummy and old. I wish it were silver, or better yet, gold.
02:02Then I could sell it and buy a big car and a house and a boat and move very far
02:06away.
02:09From here.
02:10That's lovely, dear.
02:12Well, what do you think, Daddy?
02:13Ask your mother.
02:15Oh, boy.
02:17Morning, everybody.
02:18Hey, there's my special guy.
02:21How you doing, kid? You look strong. You look good. How do you feel?
02:25I feel, uh, hungry.
02:27Fran, the boy's hungry.
02:28I made your favorite breakfast.
02:30Favorite breakfast.
02:31You know, there's this thing called middle child syndrome.
02:35Um, Charlene, today is a very special day for your brother.
02:38Yeah, besides, they just love me more.
02:41You!
02:41Hey, hey!
02:43Today, Robbie's gonna meet the job wizard and find out what career he's gonna have for the rest of his
02:48life.
02:49Uh, so, Dad, like, is there anything I need to know?
02:52Well, son, it's a supernatural experience shrouded in an almost impenetrable cloud of mystery.
02:59But here are the bare bones.
03:01You take the sea bus to the mystical kingdom of the unknown.
03:04Yeah.
03:04Then you're gonna get on a tram. They run, uh, every half hour.
03:07Okay.
03:07Then you get off at the stop marked Destiny.
03:10Wow. So that's where the guy is.
03:12Guy? Guy? This is no guy.
03:16This is the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful job wizard.
03:20He touches your head, looks into your eyes, and decides exactly what job you'll have for your entire life.
03:28Let me see, Rob.
03:32Oh, look. Spokes model.
03:34Come on, it's obvious. He'll take one look at me and say two words.
03:37Rock legend.
03:39You used to say you wanted to be a doctor.
03:41No, that's what you used to say.
03:43Hey, come on, guys.
03:45The whole beauty of our system is you don't have to worry about what you'll be.
03:49The wizard decides for you.
03:55Uh, excuse me. I'm here to see the wizard.
03:57Behind a line.
03:58It's about my career.
04:00Behind a line!
04:01Uh, well, when do I get to see the wizard?
04:04I'm the wizard.
04:06Here, take a look at this. Does this look like tuna to you?
04:09You're the wizard?
04:10Yeah, I'm the wizard.
04:12Name?
04:13I thought this was supposed to be mystical and magical and shrouded.
04:17Okay, bud.
04:18Whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:21Give me your name.
04:22Better?
04:24That's it?
04:25Yeah, well, there used to be smoke and blinding lights and this voice like thunder.
04:31And that there was a wall of flame.
04:33But they cut the budget and cut the budget and cut and cut and cut.
04:38Uh, this is what you get.
04:40Name?
04:42Uh, Robert Mark Sinclair.
04:44Ah.
04:45Ah.
04:46Here we are.
04:47Sinclair.
04:48Age 15, good grades, always challenging tradition.
04:51Yeah.
04:52Mother a housewife, father a tree pusher.
04:55So, for you...
04:57Rock legend.
04:58Tree pusher.
05:00No!
05:01You'd rather be a housewife?
05:03But you're supposed to look in my eyes and make me exactly what I was always meant to be.
05:07Like anything but a tree pusher.
05:09That's not what I wanted.
05:10And this isn't what I wanted.
05:12But we're both just gonna have to eat it.
05:28Did you eat a boulder?
05:30Hungry.
05:31Feed me.
05:32We can't eat until Robbie gets home.
05:34Look, Robbie's home.
05:35Where?
05:36Whoa, oh no.
05:38Gotta love me?
05:39I'm trying.
05:41You guys never throw parties for me.
05:44Charlene, you know we love you every bit as much as Robbie.
05:48He's here.
05:49Ah!
05:50Robbie!
05:51Hey, everybody!
05:53What did you get?
05:54We can eat now.
05:54We can eat now.
05:55That's right.
05:56Robbie.
05:57Hey, everybody.
05:57I'll be in my room.
05:59What?
06:00What's the matter, Rob?
06:01Were they all out of rock legends?
06:03Yeah.
06:04Oh, Rob.
06:06Oh.
06:07What?
06:08Look at this, everybody.
06:11Oh, my gosh.
06:12They've killed him.
06:13Oh.
06:14What?
06:15Gee.
06:15What?
06:16Give.
06:21Yes!
06:22This is great!
06:23This is fantastic!
06:24Son, you've got yourself a great job.
06:27I'll be proud to have you working by my side.
06:31Oh, I feel sick.
06:32Of course you do.
06:33It's natural to be nervous.
06:35You're poised on the brink of a great adventure.
06:38You're gonna be a tree pusher.
06:40Gosh.
06:41I wish I was in your shoes.
06:43You are, Dad.
06:44Oh?
06:45Yay for me.
06:47Hey.
06:47Sinclair and sons.
06:50Unskilled laborers.
06:52The future looks bright.
06:53Not to me.
06:54Hey.
06:55If you don't believe me, ask your mom.
06:57Franny.
06:58Oh.
06:59Uh, well, uh, Robbie.
07:02It, uh, may not be the most glamorous job in the world.
07:06It, uh, may not be a job you even brag about to strangers or even admit to in public.
07:11But it's a nice job.
07:13And, uh, I'm, uh, sure it will be very, uh, very nice.
07:20Yeah.
07:21Oh.
07:22Well, that certainly sounds appealing.
07:25Where do I sign up?
07:27Ha, ha, ha.
07:28Well, you can't.
07:28They don't hire bitter, shriveled up old ladies.
07:31Right.
07:31They usually only take big, fat slobs.
07:35She'll be dead soon, son.
07:37Tomorrow you'll come to work with your old dad.
07:39And I'll show you firsthand how great your life is gonna be.
07:42Huh?
07:43Another selling point.
07:48And you know, son, we tree pushers do a lot of good for society.
07:53Oh, yeah?
07:53Like what?
07:54Well, for instance, the rainforest is expanding.
07:57If we weren't here to push it back, it would take over the earth.
08:01And everyone would get all giddy from all that extra oxygen.
08:04Uh.
08:06But what really makes the job special is your co-workers.
08:10These guys are great.
08:12And funny?
08:13Ha, ha.
08:14Don't even ask.
08:16Sometimes we get to giggling so hard, we forget to go home.
08:20Morning, guys.
08:21Yo, I hate this stinking job.
08:24Yeah.
08:24Just once, I wish I would wake up dead.
08:27See?
08:27Kidding already.
08:28Ha, ha, ha.
08:29Ho, ho.
08:31Guys, you know my son, Robbie.
08:33Hi there, Robbie.
08:33Hi, Mom.
08:34Morning.
08:34How you doing?
08:35We just found out he's gonna be a tree pusher like us.
08:38Damn.
08:39Whoa.
08:39Oh, boy.
08:41My condolences, kid.
08:42What a waste of a life.
08:45Hey.
08:46Hey, guys.
08:46Come on.
08:47This is a kid's first exposure to tree pushing.
08:50Let's tell him about the good things.
08:52Yeah.
08:52Yeah, please.
08:53All right, then.
08:55Uh, oh, boy.
08:58Uh, my wife's not here.
09:00There you are.
09:01Yes.
09:02And you get to work with your hands.
09:08What?
09:09Come on, guys.
09:11You're forgetting about the sheer thrill of the job.
09:14Yeah.
09:14Hey, Robbie, come with me.
09:16Yeah.
09:17Dead.
09:18Dead.
09:21Look, a tree.
09:23Nature's wonder.
09:25Tall, majestic, alive for a thousand years.
09:29Wow.
09:30Yeah.
09:33Huh?
09:34Yeah.
09:39Now it's dead.
09:41There's something you could be proud of.
09:44Yep.
09:44Dad, has it ever occurred to you that you guys are just bulldozers with hats?
09:49Firstly, it's a helmet.
09:51And second, a bulldozer's just a dumb machine doing the same stupid job over and over with
09:57someone else at its driver's seat telling it what to do.
10:02Sinclair, you big dope, get in here.
10:04Or I'm wrong.
10:06Now.
10:10Excuse me, son.
10:14Sinclair, I just looked out my window and saw something that made me very unhappy.
10:19Do you know what that was?
10:21Uh, are those enjoying themselves?
10:23No.
10:23I saw you push down a tree without getting its roots.
10:26Do you know what that means?
10:28Um, I get cake?
10:30No, you thundering boob.
10:32It means the tree's gonna grow back.
10:34And if we wanted the trees to grow back, we wouldn't have pushed them down in the first
10:37place, would we?
10:38No, sir.
10:39What?
10:40No, sir.
10:41That's right.
10:41And to help you learn that, you're gonna come in here on weekends and do nothing but pull
10:49up roots until you get it right.
10:51But root pulling is a job for rank beginners.
10:54What could be more humiliating?
10:56Wearing this hat while you do it.
10:59Huh?
11:00Huh?
11:00Huh?
11:01He he he he he he he he he he.
11:04Well, I did ask.
11:05Uh-huh.
11:06Uh-huh.
11:08Uh-huh.
11:09Uh-huh.
11:10Uh-huh.
11:11Uh-huh.
11:11Uh-huh.
11:11Uh-huh.
11:11Uh-huh.
11:11Uh-huh.
11:15Uh-huh.
11:16In its own way, son, even dad was rewarding.
11:18Uh-huh.
11:19He's making you wear a hat?
11:20Oh, and what a hat.
11:22Notice the lacework and the delicate silk flowers.
11:25And oh, look at the little ladybug.
11:27Uh-huh.
11:29Uh-huh.
11:30Son.
11:31I hope this doesn't diminish the respect you have for me.
11:34Ah.
11:34No chance, dad.
11:35Oh, my career is a sham.
11:39My life has no meaning.
11:41Dad, I've got nothing to ghost with this hat.
11:43Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
11:48Oh, my father.
11:52Oh, my father.
11:52Why are you stuck in a boring, dead-end job?
11:55I don't know.
11:56Why does your boss always yell at you?
11:58Can't figure it out.
12:00Why is your life such a complete mess?
12:03Will you stop picking on me?
12:05Why ask why?
12:07Drink alcohol.
12:08Nobody likes a thinker.
12:10You may not be able to change your life,
12:12but you can change the way you look at it.
12:14Oh.
12:15Alcohol.
12:16The more you drink, the less you think.
12:21I brought you some lunch, dear.
12:23Oh, swell.
12:25Did you bring any alcohol?
12:27The TV said I should be drinking more.
12:30Alcohol is not the answer.
12:31It only makes things worse.
12:33You just need to cheer up.
12:34And I made you your favorite dish, food.
12:39Oh, I can't eat.
12:41I can't go to work.
12:42There's no point.
12:43My life's a sham.
12:46Earl, Sneed, Sid, Clayton.
12:49Sometimes you make me so mad.
12:52Okay, okay, I'll eat.
12:56But, uh, do you have a dress to go with this hat?
12:59You have a wonderful life and a wonderful family,
13:02but if you can't see that for yourself,
13:05you can just stay in bed forever.
13:07I bring him his lunch, but...
13:09No.
13:13This can't be all my life has come down to.
13:17I wanted to be something better once.
13:21Oh, I hope he picks me.
13:25God, I need this job.
13:26I'd give anything to work with a choreographer of his stature.
13:30He's so massive, yet so graceful.
13:33You're gonna sweat, and you're gonna hurt.
13:35But you're gonna thank me,
13:37because I'm gonna make you dancers.
13:41Now, five, six, seven, eight.
13:45Yes, that's it.
13:47Come on, come on, energy.
13:49That's it.
13:50Point those toes.
13:52Straight line, straight line.
13:53Give me pizzazz.
13:55Give me smile.
13:56Kick and turn, turn, turn.
13:59That, yeah.
14:01Oh, those talented tootsies.
14:03Stay together, stay together.
14:05Energy, come on, kids.
14:07Sell it to the cheap seats.
14:09You got it.
14:10Take us on home.
14:12I'll sparkle you jazzed and gypsies.
14:17Yeah, okay.
14:19So I'll find you most beautiful.
14:21I wish you were the best.
14:26Yes.
14:28Okay.
14:30Hey, that was my home.
14:32Oh, sorry about that, little guy.
14:35It's hard to get mad at someone with such a horrible job.
14:38Yeah, hey, well, jeez.
14:41Hate my job.
14:42Oh, kid, what the heck are you doing?
14:46Oh, well, it was kind of boring just pushing down trees,
14:48so I was trying to figure out a kind of pulley system
14:51that would do twice the work and...
14:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid.
14:54Let me explain one of the fundamentals of work.
14:57Don't do so much of it.
14:59What?
14:59How many trees you knocked down so far?
15:01Seven or eight.
15:02Oh, ouch.
15:03No, listen, Junior, you got to pace yourself.
15:06Huh?
15:07You're making the rest of us look bad.
15:08Pace myself?
15:09Yeah, yeah, you know, get a rhythm.
15:12Knock down a tree, have a donut.
15:14Talk to your friends, look for a new tree.
15:17Boom, lunchtime.
15:18So what's the rush?
15:20The trees aren't going anywhere,
15:22and you're not going anywhere.
15:23Hey, guys.
15:25Want a donut?
15:26Uh, no thanks, Mr. Turtlepuss, sir.
15:28I, uh...
15:28Kid, take one now.
15:31Uh, okay.
15:32Don't anybody move!
15:34Run!
15:35Hide, hide, hide, hide.
15:36Why aren't you knocking down trees?
15:39Well, I was, uh...
15:41What's that in your hand?
15:42Oh, these?
15:43Donuts.
15:43Would you like one?
15:44Nobody eats donuts during working hours while I'm in charge!
15:49Oh, Mr. Richfield,
15:51don't you think you're overreacting?
15:52Huh?
15:53This is just a misunderstanding.
15:55There's no reason for this tension between you and your employees.
15:58Uh.
15:59If you were just a little more willing to listen
16:01and a little less quick to yell,
16:03this would be a much better place to work.
16:06Hmm.
16:08Interesting theory.
16:09Step inside and let's discuss it,
16:11and, uh, bring your bright ideas with you.
16:15Ha, ha, ha.
16:17See?
16:18All it takes is communication.
16:20Tch.
16:21Nope.
16:22Mm-hmm.
16:27Hey, guys,
16:28I thought we weren't gonna play hide-and-seek
16:30until after lunch.
16:31Nobody tells me anything.
16:33No, Roy!
16:34It's Earl's kid!
16:35He's in there with Richfield.
16:37What, what?
16:38Richfield will lead him alive!
16:39We gotta do something!
16:41Well, find your own tree.
16:43This one's mine!
16:44Oh, gee!
16:46Earl!
16:46Earl!
16:49One thing you've ever since said...
16:51Earl, wake up!
16:52What?
16:52Roy just called from work.
16:54Robbie's in trouble.
16:55Robbie?
16:56What's wrong?
16:56He wouldn't tell me.
16:57He wouldn't tell you?
16:59Oh, I know Roy.
17:00He's just protecting you.
17:01If Robbie wasn't in a horrible accident,
17:03then...
17:04He was probably eating my predators!
17:06Huh?
17:08No!
17:09Oh, and, uh, try not to worry, honey.
17:12Uh, I'm sure it's nothing.
17:14What?
17:15Uh-huh.
17:15Oh, I'm coming, son!
17:17Dad!
17:20Hang on, Robbie!
17:22Daddy's coming!
17:25Hey!
17:26Where are you going?
17:27Oh, oh, Roy!
17:28Where's Robbie?
17:29I've gotta save my son,
17:30no matter what the danger!
17:32Volcanoes, floods, earthquakes...
17:34My own personal safety is secondary!
17:36Where is he, Roy?
17:36Where?
17:37He's in the trailer with Richfield.
17:39On the other hand,
17:40he's 15 years old.
17:41He's lived long enough.
17:42You're not just gonna stand there, are you?
17:46No, I'm going.
17:48Just come in in about 20 minutes.
17:51Then bring a mop.
17:53Huh?
17:54Nobody tells me how to run things around here,
17:57especially not the idiot son
17:59of one of my idiot employees!
18:01If I wanna ask advice about anything,
18:03I'll ask myself!
18:06Mr. Richfield,
18:07while you're taking a breath,
18:08if I could just say something...
18:09Yeah, go ahead.
18:10It's all right you yelling at me, sir,
18:12but there's something about you yelling at my children
18:14and it just seems wrong.
18:16But that's what I like about it!
18:17Nobody's such a sensitive kid.
18:19He's not used to such a loud job.
18:21Well, he better get used to it.
18:23He's gonna be a tree pusher, isn't he?
18:26Maybe not.
18:27I know that taking a job you're given
18:29is a time-honored tradition,
18:31but maybe...
18:32and it kills me to say this.
18:35Maybe that tradition is...
18:37wrong.
18:38What?
18:39I don't think my son is right for this job, sir.
18:42So if you don't mind,
18:43I'd like to take what's left of him
18:45and find him a better job.
18:48All right, go ahead.
18:50Fine.
18:50Yelling that the kid wasn't nearly as much fun
18:52as I thought it would be anyway.
18:54Look at this.
19:03Nothing!
19:04He's a little overwhelmed, Captain.
19:06Yeah, I guess you're right.
19:07Boo!
19:07Ah!
19:10Welcome back, Sinclair.
19:12Thank you, sir.
19:13Always a pleasure.
19:14Go, go, Robbie.
19:15Go, go, go.
19:16Thank you, you boss-ness.
19:17Go before he eats us.
19:20Someone has to scrape the gum off the chairs,
19:22and from now on,
19:23it's gonna be you.
19:25Number 42.
19:27All right, you grand,
19:29all-knowing, phony job wizard, you.
19:31We're not gonna take you
19:32controlling our lives anymore.
19:34Take a number.
19:34Wait your turn.
19:36Yes, sir.
19:36Right.
19:37Yeah.
19:38Number 98.
19:39All right, you grand,
19:41all-knowing, phony job wizard, you.
19:43You're tired of me controlling your life.
19:45Yeah, that's right.
19:46And we're not leaving here
19:47until you give my son a better job.
19:50But I already gave him a job.
19:51But you gave him the wrong one.
19:53He's no good at tree pushing.
19:55He's got too much self-esteem.
19:57He hates the job.
19:58Well, it's good enough for you.
20:00Yeah, it's good enough for me,
20:01but I want something better for my son.
20:04I want him to have the job he wants.
20:06You think I wanted this job?
20:08I always wanted to be a dancer.
20:11Ooh.
20:12But I'm stuck here,
20:13and he's gonna push trees.
20:16Well, you gave it a shot.
20:18No, it's wrong.
20:21What would be so bad
20:22if everybody got to pick their own job,
20:24follow their own dreams,
20:26control their own destiny?
20:27Yeah.
20:28What would happen
20:29if the whole world got to do
20:30exactly what they wanted to do?
20:32There'd be anarchy.
20:34What would happen if I slipped your 50 bucks?
20:37Bang.
20:38No anarchy.
20:39Excellent, Dad.
20:41Here's your blank job certificate.
20:43Pick whatever you like.
20:45Oh?
20:46Yeah.
20:47See, son?
20:48The system works.
20:49Uh, thanks, Dad.
20:53So, what job are you gonna pick?
20:55Hmm, I don't know.
20:56I might take a couple years to think about it.
20:59See ya.
21:03Do you really want to be a dancer?
21:06Hmm?
21:08Five, six, seven, eight.
21:11Yeah.
21:12Yeah.
21:12Step, cross, step.
21:14You got it.
21:15Never lost.
21:16Great.
21:17Kick, step, make them love you.
21:19Baby.
21:19Mother.
21:20Hop, hop, hop.
21:23Back, yes, forward.
21:25Yeah.
21:25Back, yes, seven.
21:27Hey, yes, ha.
21:28Ha, ha, ha.
21:30Hey.
21:30Mom, he's stretching out my leg warmers.
21:33Oh, let him have his fun, dear.
21:36Oh.
21:36Take it on home, Wizzy.
21:38All right.
21:38Flash that tail.
21:40Ha, ha, ha.
21:40Yeah.
21:42What's that?
21:42Love it?
21:43Oh, girl.
21:45Very nice.
21:46Yeah.
21:47Always leave them wanting more up.
21:51Yeah.
22:00All right.
22:01All right.
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