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00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:31Honey, I'm home!
00:43Hello, I'm Sir David Tushingham.
00:45Behind me, a desolate landscape.
00:48Arid, stark and unwelcoming.
00:50A hostile environment, a relentless heat,
00:54foreboding rock and unfriendly dirt.
00:57But 60 million years ago,
00:59this was a lush tropical landscape
01:02teeming with life,
01:03crammed with exotic vegetation,
01:05with insects as big as your head,
01:08and mushrooms as big as your head,
01:10with a large hat.
01:11And ruling over it all,
01:12the most fearsome creatures
01:14the world has ever known.
01:16Who were these so-called dinosaurs?
01:19Where did they come from?
01:21Where did they go?
01:22And why did these immense creatures
01:25who ruled the world for millions of years
01:27end up as decorations on children's pajamas?
01:31Very good.
01:32Off you go.
01:34Tonight, we will answer these and other questions
01:37as we try to debunk the myths,
01:40strip away the illusions,
01:41and liposuck the fatty misconceptions
01:44from the thighs of history.
01:46Come on, come on!
01:47What does this have to do with me?
01:54A meteor, three times the size of Earth,
01:57is heading towards us
01:58in a collision course
01:59that will result in the extinction
02:00of all life on this planet.
02:02This just in?
02:04No, it's not.
02:06Here, beneath the ancient soil of the Serengeti,
02:10we find these enormous bones.
02:12Too large for any dog to have buried,
02:15they must be the remains
02:16of the great dinosaurs.
02:18If only these bones could talk.
02:21If they had but tongues and little lips,
02:23and you could say,
02:24hello, bone, tell us what happened.
02:27But these bones do not speak.
02:30At least, not loudly enough for us to hear.
02:33So we can only surmise
02:35what life was like
02:3660 million years ago.
02:39It was then,
02:40during the dawn of the Jurassic period,
02:42that the world first witnessed
02:44the birth of this most terrifying creature.
02:51Oh, God.
02:54Oh, God!
02:59Ah!
03:00Ah!
03:01Ah!
03:02Ah!
03:02Ah!
03:03Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm on the floor.
03:05Oh, it's adorable.
03:09Whoa, I'm naked.
03:11Who's the mama?
03:12Where's the mama?
03:13Come here, you sweet thing.
03:18Oh, hi.
03:19How you doing?
03:20How you doing?
03:21How you doing?
03:21How you doing?
03:23Ferocious, bloodthirsty, tyrannical beasts.
03:26Dinosaurs would as soon rip your back off
03:29as give you the time of day.
03:31Here is nature at its most savage.
03:33Creatures capable of unspeakable acts of violence.
03:37I'm gonna bite you now.
03:40Ah!
03:42Now, this bat may be a little too heavy for you.
03:44Ow!
03:45Not the mama.
03:47I should have seen that coming.
03:49Oh!
03:50Ha-ha-ha!
03:52Fortunately, that didn't hurt a bit.
03:55Duh!
03:56Ah!
03:58It's like a dream.
03:59Somebody pinch me.
04:01Ah!
04:02Oh!
04:03I love you.
04:08Earl, get your head out of his mouth right now.
04:11He started it.
04:13Oh, look at him talking with his mouth full again.
04:17Roy, if you bite my husband's head off.
04:24But of all the dinosaurs, none was so feared as the Triceratops.
04:30From the Latin, tri, meaning three.
04:33Serer, meaning horn.
04:35And tops, meaning boss or employer.
04:39Suggestions, one of them, now.
04:42Well, I, well, I, well, I, well, I, well, I.
04:45All right, let me see which one of you I want to hear from first.
04:50Oh, please, no, no, no, no.
04:52Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me.
04:54Please, not me, not me, not me, not me.
04:55I think I pick you, dinosaurs.
05:06Certainly dinosaurs were large.
05:09How large, you ask?
05:10As large as buildings.
05:12What kind of buildings, you ask?
05:14Big downtown office buildings with many levels of parking
05:17and impressive rotating restaurants on top.
05:20How did the dinosaurs get so big?
05:23Well, one theory is they ate a lot and exercise very little.
05:27So for these enormous building-sized creatures,
05:31finding sufficient food to sustain life was a constant struggle.
05:36You can have a frozen dinner, Earl.
05:38We've got a frozen dinner right here.
05:40Ah!
05:43Aren't you hungry?
05:44Your appetizer is getting cold.
05:50Yo, look here, Chunky.
05:52Just because you can't sleep doesn't mean you got to disturb me.
05:55Uh, no.
05:57Then tuck me in.
05:59Yeah.
06:00Take me out of the refrigerator this time of night,
06:02I'll lose my space.
06:03Hey, kiss me goodnight.
06:06Hm?
06:06No.
06:09And don't be putting me in no vegetable bed.
06:11I'll wake up in the vegetable bed,
06:12and I'll come out and kick your big, flabby dinosaur butt
06:15all up and down the supercar.
06:17This constant quest for food
06:20struck mortal fear in the hearts of all smaller creatures.
06:24Indeed, no sight on Earth was more terrifying
06:28than a voracious herd of hungry dinosaurs.
06:34Yes!
06:34That's lunch!
06:37Spit that out!
06:38Oh!
06:38Ow!
06:39It's going back to the restaurant.
06:41Hey!
06:42I had a hat.
06:44Oh.
06:44Oh.
06:46Here you go.
06:47Yeah.
06:49Thanks.
06:50You're disgusting me with the way you chew with your mouth open.
06:53Huh?
06:54Huh?
06:54I'm telling you, I can see your lunch!
06:56And your lunch can see me!
06:58Nah.
06:59How you doing?
07:00Well, you tell him it's disgusting.
07:02Hey, listen, listen.
07:02I hate to be critical, but I'm going to have to agree.
07:05And let me tell you, you got one major plaque buildup back here!
07:09Huh?
07:10Oh, jeez.
07:11Swallow it.
07:11Spit it out.
07:12Do something.
07:13Yeah, make up your mind.
07:14Oh.
07:15Oh!
07:16Man, do I need a shower.
07:18Earl?
07:18You hurt my feelings and embarrassed me in front of my lunch.
07:23Ah!
07:24Oh!
07:25Oh!
07:25Oh!
07:26This is it, boy!
07:27Bon appétit!
07:29That, I don't wanna.
07:30Eat him!
07:31I'm not even hungry.
07:32Put him in your mouth and chew!
07:34You can't make me.
07:36Hey!
07:36What's with the kid?
07:38Uh, nothing.
07:39Nothing's wrong with my kid.
07:40He's a vigil, isn't he?
07:41Hey, hey.
07:42Will you just eat him and let's go home, Robbie?
07:45No.
07:46You know, my son tried the same thing at his age.
07:49Why do I have to eat the other creatures, Dad?
07:51What's so important about the food chain?
07:53What'd you do?
07:54I ate him.
07:55I like it.
07:56I'm tough, but I'm fair.
07:59It's not an exaggeration to say that the dinosaur's life was defined by his search for food.
08:05And when food was scarce, the ravenous dinosaur was capable of anything.
08:15Come here!
08:16Come here!
08:16Come here!
08:19Come here!
08:21Ahhhh!
08:23C'mon!
08:25Ahh!
08:26C'mon!
08:27Come, come, yeah, you...
08:30Ha-ha!
08:32Ha-ha!
08:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:38Ahhhh!
08:43here is an unexpected and exciting find bones perhaps 70 million years old and unlike any
08:51we found elsewhere they're small delicate almost bird-like perhaps this is a new species but why
09:01here in this one spot and not anywhere else this find might call into question all we think we know
09:08about these amazing creatures we'll be back hello and welcome back understanding the mystery of the
09:24dinosaurs is much like putting together a complex jigsaw puzzle many pieces are easy to assemble
09:31others more difficult still others fall off the card table of science entirely and are lost under
09:37the sofa of obscurity or sucked up by the vacuum cleaner of ignorance or chewed up and made
09:43unrecognizable by the disobedient dog of time if only earth's distant past came in a box with a
09:53picture on the lid then we could so easily answer all our questions for example scientists now
10:00speculate the dinosaur may have had two brains one in the head the other in the tail if this is
10:07true
10:07it means in fact that dinosaurs were twice as intelligent as we previously thought all right
10:14who filled in the holes in my bowling ball oh never mind here's some more ah what is it well
10:21it's
10:21obviously a suggestion box hello this is roy what do you suggest as you can see i have separated all
10:30known dinosaur wisdom into three categories animal vegetable rocks well what about fire vegetable what
10:40about water water is the opposite of fire which we have previously established as a vegetable what's the
10:46opposite of a vegetable fruit so water is a fruit fruit is not a vegetable so it has to be
10:52either an
10:52animal or a rock we know it's not an animal therefore fruit is a rock sometimes on a paleontological dig
11:02such as this we unearth an artifact so unusual so unexplainable an artifact that so challenges our
11:09fundamental beliefs that we're tempted to put it back in the ground cover it up and dig somewhere else
11:15here is something we're covering up right now a moment please here are the bones of a group of
11:25dinosaurs huddled around this mysterious cube what was this box what made it so important so compelling
11:33that these gargantuan creatures sat around it until they died we want to watch television and now that
11:41we have cable our tv's become a rocket sled to adventure buckle up kids yeah hi and welcome to
11:49the hat channel 24 hours a day of hat news hat features and hat happening and g is watching abc
11:56the
11:56antediluvian broadcasting company i always felt i was an herbivore trapped in a carnivore's body
12:03cross-seeders today at four on reptile now listen ug i'm expecting an important package this afternoon
12:12so whatever you do don't open it i won't withdraw hilarious hijinks with that talking caveman this
12:21afternoon on mr ug i'm mr ug today at four it's television they say whatever they want television
12:32is responsible for the utter degradation of our society we should write letters mom what get a life
12:49welcome back to dtv you're in the middle of a weekend of macho idiot rock that's right all weekend
12:57long superficial adolescent male posturing and shallow meaningless songs cool this special weekend is
13:03brought to you by beer well as you can see we've got ourselves an active supercontinent this morning
13:11in the north violent volcanoes including one particularly big boomer that ought to rip the
13:18tigris euphrates valley wide open so if you've got relatives there kiss them goodbye
13:26once again it's time to learn about science on ask mr lizard
13:30hi hi mr lizard hi mr lizard what are we going to learn today well timmy what do you think
13:37would
13:38happen if we mix potassium nitrate oh charcoal and sulfur hmm gee mr lizard i don't know we're gonna need
13:46another timmy whoa say it we're going to need another timmy yeah gee mr lizard what should i do with
13:57the nitroglycerin we're gonna need another timmy well timmy you just pour it into the blender there
14:05while i get behind this lead shield okay
14:09say it
14:13we're gonna need another timmy i've never seen a real jet engine before keep looking okay but i don't think
14:20it's going to work i mean nothing's happening
14:24say it
14:26we're gonna need another timmy i don't want the kids to think i want the kids to watch safe little
14:34situation comedies with time-tested repetitive storylines coming this fall on abc he's a big city
14:43dinosaur detective who leaps through time to adopt seven interracial children she's a ghost with seven
14:48interracial ghost children of her own now they're all moving to the country to become district attorneys
14:53and watch the sparks fly when mother moves in it's all way too complicated when season eight
15:00wow
15:03she's more of the same
15:08and so we leave this artifact for future generations of paleontologists to dig up
15:14ponder over become frustrated with and then bury again
15:18oh thank you miss honeywell you're doing a splendid job you're capable efficient very professional
15:31sex for the dinosaur mating was an elaborate ritual hey hey look at the tail on that one lift it
15:41don't drag it sweetheart so mom when i walk do i swing it back and forth or do i just
15:47let it
15:48drag nice girls don't swing so boys like that they're crazy for it mother sweetheart
15:58just swing it a little until you get married then you can put it away and even though young robbie
16:06was
16:06caught with his pants down so to speak he was merely pursuing the female of the species and i'm sure
16:13even
16:14you as a youth fell prey too well turned tail am i right well i may play love's fool once
16:24or twice
16:26you want to make more of an impression with the ladies from time immemorial dinosaurs have known
16:32there's only one way to a woman's heart it's not flowers it's not candy yes it's the mating dance
16:45what am i right well i can't find a woman's heart attack because of a woman's heart attack
17:10to get a man's heart attack and in a woman's heart attack and he's going to be a woman's heart
17:10attack
17:11Male, female.
17:14To the untrained eye, they're virtually indistinguishable,
17:17but within the dinosaur family,
17:18gender roles are quickly established and rigidly maintained.
17:23Charlene, you are now my son.
17:26Thanks, Daddy.
17:28Franny, please, could you just for one evening
17:30forget you're a female so I could get romantic with you?
17:33Hey, Dad, when's Mom coming back from Grandma's?
17:35When she's recuperated from you.
17:37Until then, I'm the mother.
17:38Okay. Mom, can I go to a movie tonight?
17:41Not a chance.
17:43Dad said I could.
17:47Uh, he really did?
17:49Mm-hmm.
17:50Hey, listen, Dad, I had a late lunch. I'll see you later, okay?
17:53Where do you think you're going?
17:55Out with the guys to mark some territory.
17:57Ah!
17:58Oh!
17:58Oh!
17:59Oh!
18:01I slaved over a hot oven making a nice dinner for you kids.
18:05And now you're going to sit at this table and eat that dinner
18:07and express proper gratitude to your mother, father.
18:10Yeah.
18:13Night!
18:15Hey, hey!
18:16You don't think I'm going to let go of this table and come after you two?
18:18You're playing with fire here.
18:20Oh, I'm telling you, you're playing with fire!
18:22No, I'm playing with fire.
18:25What?
18:33Daddy!
18:34What?
18:35Hot!
18:36Where we going?
18:43Again!
18:47children like all animals dinosaurs cherish that give me that dinosaurs
18:55cherish their young look forward to the birth of each offspring with eager
18:59anticipation what I'm trying to say is that life hold such enormous
19:06possibilities as long as there's nothing inside that egg
19:22in return for the love and protection they gave their young the dinosaur parents
19:27demanded complete respect and obedience
19:37you do that one more time and I'm gonna throw you across the room
19:51again want to give daddy a kiss
20:01that is starting to bother me not the mother not the mother
20:09no that's not it at all good morning my family who loves me not the mama all
20:15right that ends right now I have had it up to here with this not the mama I am not
20:19not the mama I'm your daddy and you only get one buster and that is what you're
20:24gonna call me daddy now say daddy
20:28daddy say daddy okay all right all right say dad
20:47daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy dan Martin Nata mama
21:04And so our trek through ancient times is complete.
21:07But one question remains unanswered.
21:10What destroyed the dinosaurs?
21:13Perhaps it was their own failure to adapt to a changing planet.
21:17With their tiny, embarrassingly small brains,
21:20they couldn't have known that their environment was changing around them
21:23and that they must change with it.
21:26Will the same fate befall us?
21:29Impossible.
21:31We humans are clearly capable of learning from the past
21:34and avoiding such devastating ecological demise.
21:39Compared to the dinosaurs, we may be short, but we're not short-sighted.
21:44This is Sir David Tushingham.
21:46Good night.
21:47Hey, Professor, what do you want us to do with all this trash?
21:50Well, how do I know? We're in a desert.
21:53Just dump it somewhere.
21:55Let's dump.
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