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TVTranscript
00:01this is the story of fluffy now fluffy the cuddly little lizard frolicked through the smiling
00:10flowers with his mother singing songs of love and joy yeah yeah yeah get to the good part
00:17suddenly fluffy's mother collapsed under the impact of two high caliber shells from the happy
00:24hunter's gun fluffy was sad fluffy was mad but what could the little lizard do luckily his friend
00:35jimmy the weasel knew a guy who'd whack anybody for 50 bucks hey ethel you want to pipe down
00:43we're trying to watch tv here i love when grandma reads to me earl i think mother's reading to the
00:50baby is more important than you're watching tv says you this happens to be a very important tv
00:55show it's time again for don't lift that heavy object i love this show yeah it's real life
01:02dinosaurs caught in the act of moving really heavy things neat our hidden camera was on hand to catch
01:06this father and son playing a duet we like to call prelude to pain let's watch all right son now
01:13the
01:13key here is to lift with your knees okay dad one two three oh smooth
01:26did he say what i think he said dad you said smooth well it's not like we're on television or
01:32anything
01:33huh holy smooth are they allowed to say that on tv no that's why it's so clever
01:46something funny nothing's funny nothing's funny at all but mom they said a dirty word on tv
01:54i will not have that kind of gutter language in this house smooth what'd i say
02:09so
02:17so
02:36Honey, I'm home.
03:03I said something.
03:06Was it... smooth?
03:09We don't say that word.
03:11Why?
03:12Because it's a bad word.
03:14Why?
03:15Because it's dirty.
03:17Why?
03:18Ask your mother.
03:20Why?
03:22Uh, it means...
03:24Well, it means...
03:26It means the bottom of a dinosaur's feet.
03:28And feet touch the ground and get dirty,
03:30so it's a dirty word.
03:33And nice dinosaurs don't say it.
03:35Why?
03:36Because it's not nice.
03:38And it certainly doesn't belong on TV.
03:42Oh, friend, lighten up.
03:44You think dinosaurs have so little going on in their lives
03:47that they really care about one little word some guy says on TV?
03:51I'll always remember exactly where I was when that guy said smoo on TV.
03:57I got it on tape.
03:59I must have watched it a thousand times.
04:02Hey, I laughed so hard.
04:03I thought I was going to have to call in sick today.
04:05Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
04:06Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
04:06Sinclair!
04:07In here now!
04:11He heard us laughing.
04:13He thinks we're happy.
04:14Yeah, he hates that.
04:16Uh, yes, my captain?
04:18The company's board of directors has made a decision that affects you.
04:22Oh, how surprising and unfortunate that they should notice me.
04:25They decided to offer an incentive program
04:27to get you freeloading large-filled princesses to work harder.
04:32Incentives?
04:32I thought holding your head underwater until your eyes bugged out
04:35would be more productive.
04:37But I was overruled.
04:39No shame.
04:39So somehow, since this week,
04:41you managed to push over more trees than your half-dead friends,
04:45you get a little gift from me.
04:47Ooh.
04:48Ooh.
04:49Go for it.
04:52Uh...
04:53Ah.
04:56Here.
04:57Don't let it go to your head.
04:59Oh, a treasure.
05:00Thank you, sir.
05:02Uh, oh, thank you.
05:04Uh, well, my, uh,
05:06my wife and I have always wanted one of these.
05:09It's just a staple.
05:10Oh, I know, but I choose to see it as so much more.
05:13It's the, uh, staple of honor.
05:15Uh, more than honor, really,
05:17it's a blessing.
05:19A cherished blessing that swells my...
05:21Excuse me, am I interrupting anything?
05:23Your husband's trying to form a sentence.
05:26Yeah.
05:26You forgot your lunch this morning,
05:28so we thought we'd come by and drop it off.
05:30Oh, thanks, honey.
05:31Hey, the corporation is honoring me today.
05:33Oh.
05:33Isn't that nice of Mr. Richfield?
05:35Smoo!
05:36Ooh!
05:37What'd he call me?
05:40Uh...
05:40He said Lou.
05:42Yeah, Lou.
05:43You see, he thinks of you as his sweet Uncle Lou.
05:46My name's not Lou.
05:48I know, but, uh,
05:49don't you find the uncle part endearing?
05:51You're a big Smoo!
05:54Well, we'll just be going.
05:56No, no, no!
05:57A big what?
05:58A big shoe!
05:59Yeah, yeah!
06:00Shoes are his favorite, uh, foot covering.
06:04It's the ultimate compliment, really.
06:06Not shoe, Smoo!
06:08A big, fat, Smooey, Smoo!
06:12Oh!
06:16Not much I can do with that one.
06:18I'm so sorry, Mr. Richfield.
06:20It's something he heard on television last night.
06:22I shower you with presents,
06:24and this is the thanks I get?
06:25You bring your child here to abuse me?
06:29I'm going to rip your head off
06:31and play hacky sack with it!
06:34Well, thanks for stopping by, friend.
06:36Parts of me will be home later.
06:43Not my bath time.
06:44What's going on?
06:45We'll just see if we can't wash
06:47those dirty words out of your mouth
06:49with a little soap.
06:53Now,
06:54any dirty words left in there?
07:03Good work, Mom.
07:05I'm sure we've all learned
07:05a valuable lesson.
07:09Hi, honey.
07:15Are you all right?
07:17Hey, Dad,
07:18some jerk put a sign on your back.
07:20It was Mr. Richfield,
07:21and I think your kids called him
07:22enough names for one day.
07:23You're home now.
07:24Don't you think you could take it off?
07:26I would,
07:26but it's covering an unsightly wound.
07:33Earl,
07:34I've got to make dinner,
07:35and Robbie's doing his homework.
07:37Will you babysit for a while?
07:38Sure, sweetheart.
07:39No problem.
07:41Thanks.
07:41Well,
07:42what are we doing?
07:43What now?
07:44So the word smooth
07:45was uttered for the first time
07:46on network television.
07:48Tonight,
07:48on the news,
07:49we'll be saying the word itself.
07:50Smooth.
07:51Hi.
07:52I don't think the baby
07:53should be watching television these days.
07:54Well,
07:55if he can't watch TV,
07:56what am I supposed to do with him?
07:58He's your son.
08:00Play with him.
08:01Whoa.
08:03For how long?
08:05Give me an hour.
08:06I'm making dinner.
08:08An hour?
08:11Daddy.
08:12What?
08:13Play a game.
08:15Okay.
08:16Goody.
08:16Let's play,
08:18um...
08:19Where's Daddy?
08:21Hmm.
08:24Where's Daddy?
08:27This game stinks.
08:29Found me yet?
08:31Huh?
08:33Found you.
08:34Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:36All right.
08:38Now what?
08:39Make a face.
08:46Again!
08:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:54Again!
08:55Blah.
08:57Blah.
08:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:57Daddy's tired of making faces.
08:59What else you got?
09:04Ha!
09:06Ha!
09:07Ha!
09:08Hey, pin!
09:31All right, that does it.
09:37You're watching TV.
09:39Mama said no.
09:41I don't care.
09:43How bad can it be?
09:46The friendly bunny will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you the following brand-new program quickly
09:51thrown together in a shameless grab for ratings.
09:54Oh, this should be good.
09:55It's the Smoo Show.
09:57Smoo!
10:01We're saying Smoo, because it's what we do.
10:06We're saying Smoo, and it's just for you.
10:12Smoo, Smoo, Smoo, Smoo, Smoo.
10:17Erl, Sneed, Sinclair.
10:19Oops.
10:20I thought I told you to turn off that TV.
10:23Smoo!
10:24Oh!
10:25Fran, how did I know this was going to be on?
10:27You never know what these network guys are going to do.
10:30That's right.
10:31So until we're sure it's safe, this TV stays off.
10:38You'll just have to spend some more quality time with your child.
10:42Hello?
10:43Is this the network?
10:44Yeah, I want to talk to somebody about changing all your programming right now.
10:49Don't try to give me the runaround, cause I won't take no for an answer.
10:55Yeah.
10:56I'll hold.
11:01Mr. Cleary.
11:02I'm in a meeting.
11:03We've got some guy in line, too, with a complaint.
11:06What?
11:06Complaint about television?
11:08Really?
11:10Yeah, hello.
11:12I want to complain about one of your shows.
11:15You're kidding.
11:15I mean, what are you, some kind of nut?
11:17No.
11:18Well, you sound like a nut to me, cause I mean, only a nut would call a TV station to
11:21complain
11:22about something.
11:23I'm not a nut.
11:24Oh, sure you are.
11:25Go ahead.
11:25Say something nutty.
11:27I don't think you should be airing a show that has the word...
11:32smoo in it.
11:33Especially when children could be watching.
11:35All right.
11:36I'm gonna stop you right there, pal.
11:37You're a member of a lunatic fringe group, aren't you?
11:39No.
11:40I'm just a guy who thinks that what you're doing is wrong.
11:43Look, sir.
11:44I think we know a little bit more than you do about what should and shouldn't be on television.
11:48And we can't respond to every wacko out there with a phone.
11:51Hey, Buster.
11:52I've got a legitimate gripe here and you're gonna listen.
11:55No, I'm not.
11:59Can we watch TV now?
12:01No, not yet.
12:03Not until my voice is heard.
12:06Not until the arrogant despots who control television are brought to their knees by the righteous indignation of common decent
12:15folk with too much time on their hands.
12:21What's all the fuss in there?
12:23Oh, Earl's called a big meeting of the neighbors about cleaning up television.
12:28You're welcome to join them.
12:29Please.
12:30I have a life.
12:33Mom.
12:35Read me a story.
12:37Grandma.
12:38Smoo.
12:39You really think that's funny, don't you?
12:42What?
12:43Smoo?
12:43Smoo funny?
12:44Smoo.
12:45Smoo funny?
12:46Yes!
12:47Smoo funny!
12:50Call me when you clean up your act.
12:58Last night the TV was off and for the first time ever I spent two solid hours playing with my
13:04kid.
13:04Yeah, my children and I spent the whole evening talking to each other.
13:08It was a nightmare.
13:10It was a nightmare.
13:10I can't live this way.
13:11No!
13:12It's the network's fault.
13:14Aha!
13:15Exactly!
13:15They've unfairly shifted the burden of raising our children to us.
13:19And as concerned parents, we have to fight that.
13:22But what should we do?
13:23Well, we're gonna have to force the network to take all the shows that use dirty words off television.
13:29That's a good idea.
13:30Uh-huh.
13:30Yes, exactly.
13:32Maybe we should just stop watching the shows that bother us.
13:35Maybe we should take responsibility to control our children's viewing.
13:39Uh, well...
13:40Huh?
13:40What?
13:43Franny, this is a community meeting and everyone's entitled to have their opinion.
13:47Now, if you want to have an opinion that's different from ours, I suggest you get your own meeting.
13:51I'm with Earl.
13:52Me too.
13:53Let's go down to that network and march and make a big stink.
13:57The time for reasonable discussion is gone.
13:59It's time for mindless, reckless action.
14:03Stay tuned for the new hit show that's so controversial a bunch of nuts are outside trying to stop it.
14:08The Smooth Show.
14:10Hey, kids!
14:10Is it off?
14:12Did they take it off yet?
14:13The Smooth Show, now on seven nights a week.
14:16Mmm.
14:17Nice day's work, Dad.
14:18Yeah.
14:19Thanks, Mr. Negative.
14:20I'll have you know we were out there planting the seeds of change.
14:23You just wait.
14:25Those seeds are gonna bear fruit.
14:26Then, from the producers of the Smooth Show, it's the Flark Show.
14:30Followed by Kiss My Glip.
14:32Who can say that?
14:33It's probably just a coincidence.
14:35Yeah, Dad.
14:35You got them on the run.
14:36Couple more protest rallies, they'll make it into a miniseries.
14:39Ha!
14:40Ha!
14:41Ha!
14:41Ha!
14:41Ha!
14:42Ha!
14:47See?
14:49My message got through.
14:50Smooth?
14:51That's funny!
14:53Ha!
14:53Ha!
14:53Ha!
14:53Ha!
14:53Ha!
14:54Ha!
14:54Ha!
14:54Ha!
14:56Ha!
14:59Ha!
15:02Ha!
15:25Ha!
15:26Ha!
15:27go over their heads. And because my appeals to the cultural elite who run television
15:33were ignored, I appeal to you, the highest and most revered authority in the land, to
15:39take action and remove the word smoo from our living rooms and put it back in the bars
15:44and construction sites where it belongs. He's right. He has a point. I agree. The word
15:49must go. So be it. The word smoo is stricken from television. Uh, smoo stricken. Yay!
15:59Thanks. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Thank you. What about flark? And galak. Oh, uh, gone.
16:07Yay! All right. Good. Thank you for demonstrating that public policy affecting the rights of
16:13millions can be altered by a small but vocal minority. Any time. Thank you. Uh, excuse
16:20me. Uh, since we're on this subject, there's another word that's always bothered me. Uh,
16:25you know how sometimes on TV when a kid says, Dad, I hate that because then my kids do it.
16:33Oh, I agree. I hate that too. I think it should be against the law. Not just on TV, but
16:38everywhere.
16:38Good idea. Here's one. I never liked the word tush or tushy. And I, for one, don't want my kids
16:47hearing it or saying it. Uh-huh. No one may say tush anymore. Kiss tush goodbye.
16:55Oh, what a relief. I thought tushy was quite cute. I know. Why don't we make a list of all
17:03the words
17:03that bother us? And then outlaw them. Why stop at words? Why not ideas too? Hey, hey, wait a minute.
17:11Huh? What? Are we maybe going a little too far? Now looky here. Do you want a nation where everybody
17:16has complete freedom of speech and you have to spend all your time supervising your kids? Or would
17:23you rather the government handle it? And you can have more free time. More free time?
17:29Oh, yeah, that's my vote. Oh, it's my vote. It's my vote. It's my vote. It's my vote. It's my
17:34vote.
17:37Number 63. Any words that sound like smoo are also prohibited. What are you kidding?
17:43No, no, no. It makes perfect sense. The number two will now be replaced by not one. Hey, uh, slow
17:49down.
17:50So that'd be one, not one, three, four, five. Like that, huh? There you go. See how easy it is?
17:58I get it. A female with the name Sue will now be known as Millie. And cows should not say
18:04moo anymore.
18:05Instead, they should be encouraged to speak in complete sentences. Oh, that's ridiculous.
18:09Which brings me to number 64. No one's allowed to question, complain, or even discuss this list.
18:17Not discuss it. Right. Right. Right.
18:24Have more read to me? Fine. I'll read myself.
18:34Wow. Harder than it looks.
18:38This is Shouting Match. A no-holds-barred discussion of today's hottest issues. Featuring Pangea's most confrontational media pundits. Today's
18:49provocative controversial subject is flowers. All right, flowers. Joe.
18:55Uh, well, I like them. Good. Okay, now for the feminine point of view, Sue. Uh, Millie.
19:01You want to know what I think? Yeah. I like them, too. Good. Yeah. Especially, uh, daisies.
19:09Daisies. Yes. Daisies. Mm-hmm. Doesn't anybody have the courage to say what they think anymore?
19:15Well, they're making a very controversial gravy on the Recipe Channel.
19:22Oh. Honey, I'm home.
19:29Earl, what is that on your legs?
19:32Uh, they're called pants. They're remarkably uncomfortable. The government said we're all supposed to wear them from now on.
19:39Why?
19:41I have no idea.
19:43Grandma.
19:44I'm not going to wear those things.
19:46Oh, you don't have to. These are for you. They're called pantyhose.
19:54You want to talk about real torture?
19:59Grandma.
20:01This has all gone way too far.
20:03But it's what we have to do if we want to keep our kids from saying bad words.
20:08Believe me, it's related.
20:10Grandma.
20:11What is it?
20:13Read me a story.
20:15Like I said, I'll read to you when you stop saying that word.
20:24Okay.
20:26Just like that?
20:27Just like that.
20:29Why?
20:31Like Grandma better.
20:33See?
20:34You don't have to make a federal case out of it.
20:37Give me the book, kid.
20:38We're back in business.
20:40Yay!
20:45What just happened?
20:47Mom figured maybe the best way to solve a family problem is to handle it at home.
20:52Oh, and I guess you think she was right.
20:54Don't you?
20:57Oh, all right, yes.
20:59I guess maybe I overreacted when I had the government abolish all our personal freedoms.
21:04Just to stop our kid from saying dirty words.
21:06Well, instead of asking the government to be the parents for us,
21:10maybe we should just grit our teeth and put in the hours with our children ourselves.
21:15But we don't have to anymore.
21:16Now we can just sit him in front of the TV.
21:19It's all cleaned up.
21:21But what's he getting out of TV?
21:23Um, nothing bad.
21:26But nothing as good as spending time with his father.
21:34Lucky was still very wise.
21:40But it's just such hard work being a parent.
21:43Can't society do it for me?
21:46You like wearing those pants?
21:54Okay, Ethel.
21:56Hand over the book.
21:58Mmm!
21:59Hmm!
22:00.
22:04.
22:05.
22:05.
22:05.
22:06.
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