- 22 hours ago
Charlie and Kate's Dirty Pictures
Trying to help Nolan stand on his own, Charlie convinces Kate to give him a job as her receptionist. When Nolan leaks to Charlie that he found dirty pictures of Kate in an outgoing mail envelope, Charlie resolves to find out who is receiving the photos and why. Meanwhile, Charlie facilitates an anger therapy session in a women's prison, and Lacey is one of the group members.
Trying to help Nolan stand on his own, Charlie convinces Kate to give him a job as her receptionist. When Nolan leaks to Charlie that he found dirty pictures of Kate in an outgoing mail envelope, Charlie resolves to find out who is receiving the photos and why. Meanwhile, Charlie facilitates an anger therapy session in a women's prison, and Lacey is one of the group members.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01I can't do a job interview right now.
00:02My head's not in the right place.
00:04I should be in jail, not Lacey.
00:07Lacey was on probation.
00:08She should have known better than it would be shoplifting.
00:10I just keep thinking.
00:11I should have put the marshmallows in my clothes.
00:14But no.
00:15I watched her put her hands in her dress,
00:17and I tried to say, stop,
00:18and then the only sound that came out was, oh.
00:22You can't sit around thinking about Lacey.
00:24You gotta move forward.
00:25The best way to do that is to get a job.
00:27That's what Lacey would want you to do
00:29if you ever thought about anybody other than herself.
00:32Why would Kate even hire me?
00:34Because you have all the qualifications
00:36to make a great receptionist.
00:37You can talk.
00:39You can push buttons.
00:40You're a carbon-based life form.
00:43But what if Kate and I don't get along?
00:46Look, you have a history of seeking out women
00:48who are cold, domineering, and borderline abusive.
00:51You gotta love her.
00:53So, uh, you think she'll yell at me?
00:55I don't see why not.
00:59Hey, come on.
01:00I got a lot of work to do.
01:04Fix your hair.
01:05This is a job interview.
01:08I like her.
01:16So, Nolan, tell me about yourself.
01:19Well, I think my, uh, resume speaks for itself.
01:23From 98 to 98, I worked at Taco Bell.
01:27And then from 98 to 98, I worked at Chiffy Lube.
01:33Uh, and then in 98, uh...
01:36Can I see that for a minute?
01:42But I still have 14 more years to go.
01:45On your resume or to tell us what's left in 98?
01:49Would you mind waiting in the reception area
01:50while Kate and I talk?
01:55Oh.
01:56I should tell you.
01:57I do suffer from migraines.
01:59So there'll be days when the office has to be pitch black.
02:06So what's it gonna take to land this guy?
02:09I know, I know he's a mess, but hire him and I'll owe ya.
02:13Okay, what do I get?
02:14How does an entire night of passionate lovemaking sound?
02:17Exhausting.
02:19Then give him the job and that's what you'll get.
02:22Uh-uh, we're gonna have to do better.
02:24This guy's like a human rescue dog.
02:26He's cute and he's sweet, but as soon as I leave,
02:29he'll whine and pee on the couch.
02:31Okay, how about this?
02:32I give you my credit card and you go crazy at Agent Provocateur.
02:36Ooh, can I get the fishnet bodysuit with the horsehair whip?
02:39You can if you hire Nolan.
02:41Bye.
02:45You know the whip isn't for show.
02:47I know.
02:50After four hours of trying to lead this woman to fashion sanity,
02:54she picks out the pink leopard skin coat.
02:56I thought, she has to be a hooker.
02:59Patrick, you really gotta work on being less judgmental.
03:02Just because she has a bold fashion sense doesn't mean she's a prostitute.
03:05She offered to pay me with her mouth.
03:09Well, that does mean she's a prostitute.
03:12That reminds me.
03:13How's Lacey doing in the hoose gal?
03:15I talked to her last night.
03:17She's having a hard time in jail.
03:19And big surprise, she's getting into it with some of the other inmates.
03:22So I've arranged to do an anger management session at the jail.
03:25You might want to consider wearing some protection over your, uh, private parts.
03:30Otherwise, those cats will be scratching at your post.
03:35Well, thanks for that homespun wisdom.
03:38So, Nolan, how do you like working for Kate?
03:40I've never been so fulfilled.
03:42I made some coffee.
03:44Did some filing.
03:45Saw some crazy half-naked pictures of her.
03:48Watered some plants.
03:49Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:51What's this about pictures?
03:52Oh, that was my bad.
03:54Uh, I opened up her outgoing mail by mistake and a lingerie photo fell out.
03:59With a lot of shaking.
04:01Bunch of other photos fell out by mistake, too.
04:05How can you not tell the difference between outgoing and incoming mail?
04:10When you're facing the desk, the outgoing is on the right.
04:12But then when you're sitting behind the desk, it switches to the left.
04:16It's like stairs.
04:18Are they going up?
04:19Are they going down?
04:20Who knows?
04:23All right, I'll see everybody next week.
04:28Nolan, can I talk to you for a minute?
04:30Is everything okay?
04:31Everything's fine.
04:32Everything's fine.
04:33It's just there's a lot of stress in a new job and it can affect one's memory.
04:37So, I thought we'd do some quick memory exercises to make sure everything's okay.
04:41Okay.
04:43Completely off the top of my head and unrelated to anything.
04:46Can you remember where Dr. Wales was sending those naked pictures of herself?
04:53Man, I don't know.
04:55Work must be really stressing me out.
04:58Think, Nolan, think.
04:59All I can tell you is what she was wearing.
05:02It was black and see-through.
05:06Her boyfriend, Bart, the lucky guy.
05:09Bart?
05:10Who's Bart?
05:11I don't know.
05:12She wrote it on the picture.
05:14Bart, for your eyes only.
05:16Katie.
05:16Katie?
05:17Since she was eight years old, her nickname's been Dr. Wales.
05:21Is it bad I saw those?
05:23Well, I wouldn't tell Dr. Wales and I certainly wouldn't tell her that you told me.
05:28You don't want to embarrass her.
05:29Based on the pictures of her crawling around in the mirror, I don't think she embarrasses easily.
05:35Well, she is a confident woman.
05:38Who drinks milk out of a saucer like a cat.
05:41I don't know.
05:45Hi, everybody.
05:46I'm Charlie Goodson.
05:48I am an anger management therapist.
05:51There have been some issues on this cell block, so Dr. Cynthia thought it would be a good idea if
05:54I sat in for her while she recovered from her injuries.
05:59Oh, what you wanted me to tell you guys, that was not cool at all.
06:03You know, you look like you keep it real nice down there.
06:07Yeah, I bet you're bigger than your wrist would indicate.
06:11Let's keep it professional, ladies.
06:13But yes, my wrists are misleadingly slim.
06:17Now, I know some of you might be wondering, can a man relate to women's anger issues?
06:23Well, the truth is, most men have female traits, just as I'm sure most of you have female traits.
06:32It says here, there was an incident recently, and as an unbiased observer who doesn't know anybody here, I think
06:43I can mediate objectively.
06:46Now, I understand it's easy for men to voice their anger, and women are taught sometimes to withhold their anger.
06:52I'mma gut this hoe like a puppy!
06:55Actually, I believe the expression is, gut this hoe like a trout.
07:00She always talks like that. Yesterday, she said she was gonna stab me in the face.
07:05Not true. She said you got a face that was good for stabbing, it was a compliment.
07:10Ladies, ladies, Donna certainly seems to have a big problem with Lacey, but let's hear it from her directly.
07:16Curry Spice over here is trying to steal my girlfriend!
07:19I am not, bitch! I just gave her a makeover!
07:21Makeover my ass!
07:23I would, but I don't have that kind of time!
07:27Sounds to me like Kim and Donna are in a relationship, and Donna is experiencing jealousy over Lacey giving Kim
07:33a makeover.
07:33I just wanted to feel pretty.
07:35And you totally are! You look crazy hot!
07:38Hey!
07:39Easy, Donna. Easy, Donna. There's no way she could have possibly meant that.
07:44You got the nerve to come in here with your fancy education and your belts and your shoelaces.
07:52What do you know about what goes on in here?
07:54Yeah, you don't know nothing about jealousy.
07:57Oh, I know jealousy. Believe me.
08:00I'll share a little.
08:02Recently, I found out that my girlfriend was sending some suggestive pictures to another man.
08:07I'm struggling with jealousy as well, but I've got it under control.
08:10Mm-hmm. If you got everything so under control, why is your lady sending naked pictures to another man?
08:16We have an arrangement. We see other people.
08:19Phew, I wouldn't lick that stamp. Somebody else been licking it.
08:23And we're not!
08:25What?
08:26No, no, no. Ours is not really a traditional relationship.
08:30Yeah, it's a relationship built on lies.
08:32It's a little more sophisticated than that.
08:34We have a noncommittal, purely physical, friendly, but non-emotional arrangement.
08:39Built on lies.
08:42Look, Donna, I didn't mean to humiliate you the way this woman is obviously humiliating Charlie.
08:48All right.
08:50I won't stab you in the face.
08:53Mm-hmm. Thanks.
08:56I think maybe you could give me a makeover, too.
08:59That depends. Is that really just a trick so you can stab me in the face?
09:05Kinda.
09:10Well, dream analysis is tricky, but the flat tires could represent your frustration with the slow progress of your ongoing
09:16anger issues.
09:18And the scary hermaphrodite might relate to when you were at the women's prison and you saw the scary hermaphrodite.
09:28You see, that's why you've got the PhD.
09:32Well, I gotta go, Charlie. My four o'clock will be here any minute.
09:35Hey, before I go, can I ask you a quick question?
09:37Mm-hmm.
09:38Our arrangement hasn't changed, right?
09:40What arrangement?
09:41You know, if one of us is seeing somebody, they tell the other.
09:45Are you trying to tell me you're seeing somebody?
09:48No, no, I'm not.
09:51Well, okay.
09:53See you later.
09:57So, our arrangement is the same?
09:59Yes.
10:00Because if I was seeing somebody, you'd be the first to know.
10:03Well, I should be the third.
10:05Obviously, I'd be the first.
10:06And then the girl, of course, she'd be in on it, too.
10:10But then you?
10:11Nope.
10:11I got the bronze.
10:12Hey, at least I meddled.
10:14Goodbye, Charlie.
10:21No one.
10:23Remember the guy that Kate sent those pictures to the other day?
10:25Oh, I sure do.
10:28Hey, my memory's back.
10:30Why is the man so stressed anymore?
10:33Right.
10:34I need you to go on Kate's phone and get me his address.
10:36Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie.
10:38I like Kate.
10:39I like this job.
10:39And if I go through her phone, she'll fire me.
10:42Okay.
10:42I don't want to have to tell anybody this, but I'm throwing a surprise party for her.
10:46And it just wouldn't be the same with that good old, that Bert guy.
10:52Where are you going to have it?
10:54At a bowling alley.
10:56Should you give me that address?
10:57Yeah, but Kate hates bowling.
10:58We've got to find another place.
11:00Fine.
11:00You give me that address and I'll find another place.
11:02Oh, you know what's good?
11:03A batting cage.
11:05Perfect.
11:05We'll have the party at a batting cage.
11:06Oh, our Disneyland.
11:09Just give me the address, okay?
11:11Fine.
11:12You know, it doesn't seem like you've put a lot of thought into this.
11:17Remember, don't tell Kate anything.
11:19Oh, there's nothing to tell because of your poor planning.
11:32Hey Nolan.
11:34Hey.
11:34You get that guy's damn address I asked for?
11:36Yeah.
11:37I got it out of her phone when she went to the bathroom.
11:40Oh, that is great.
11:41I really appreciate this.
11:43See you later.
11:47Everything okay?
11:47Yeah.
11:49Just, uh, I haven't got my invitation yet.
11:54Invitation?
11:55To the surprise party.
11:57I virtually planned the thing.
12:02Oh, turns out her buddy Bart told her about it.
12:04Ruined the whole thing.
12:06Then why do you need his address?
12:08Well, someone's going to write him an angry letter.
12:12No, Sam, I'm not buying you another pair of boots.
12:15You got one pair at my house and two pair here.
12:17Yeah, but if you guys hadn't gotten divorced, then all of my boots would be at one house.
12:21And this wouldn't even be a problem.
12:23Don't you guys even feel guilty about that?
12:25Sam, your mom and I were doing fine.
12:27It was your boot habit that tore us apart.
12:31Okay.
12:32Different approach.
12:34Sincerity.
12:35It would really mean a lot to me if you guys bought me these boots.
12:39Different approach.
12:40Sarcasm.
12:41Yeah, sure.
12:42You'll have those boots any day now.
12:45Final approach.
12:46Lying.
12:47Love you.
12:53Here you go.
12:56Can I ask you something?
12:58All that time that I cheated on you, did you ever get the urge to confront any of the women?
13:03What?
13:04You cheated on me?
13:07Seriously, I know it's a weird question, but do you think you would have gotten some sense of satisfaction from
13:13it?
13:14For all I know, I've met a bunch of them and didn't even know it.
13:17I mean, at the movies, at the grocery store, at the homewrecking skank convention.
13:24You know, every year I say I'm gonna go.
13:28And every year, I don't.
13:32I thought about it.
13:33But then I realized, it's not gonna make me feel any better to confront them face to face.
13:40Showing up on some stranger's doorstep just makes you pathetic.
13:44Yeah, you're probably right.
13:54Hi.
13:55Can I help you?
13:56Wow, look at my wrist on you.
14:00Look, I don't exactly know why I'm here.
14:02I just felt like we had to meet.
14:05Obviously, Kate means a lot to both of us.
14:07Who?
14:08Kate.
14:10Kate Wales.
14:11Kate T.
14:13Oh, the girl in the pictures.
14:16She got it going on.
14:19Hey, Bart, show some respect.
14:21Oh, you're here to see Bart.
14:22I'm his nurse.
14:24His nurse?
14:25Yeah.
14:26Come on in.
14:28I still enjoy the naked pictures, though.
14:30I get it.
14:31I get it.
14:31You're a nurse, but you're straight.
14:39Bart?
14:40Somebody's here to see you.
14:43Wow.
14:45You're Bart?
14:47Are you here to fix the keyboard?
14:50B-b-b-b-b-B is sticking.
14:54No, no.
14:54I'm not.
14:55I'm Charlie Goodson.
14:56I'm a friend of Kate Wales.
14:58Oh, so what can I do for you?
15:01Look, I'm sorry to barge in like this.
15:04Truth is, I'm involved with Kate, and I care about her very much.
15:07Are you and Kate in a relationship?
15:10A relationship with Kate.
15:13Sarcastic, ha.
15:14Sarcastic, ha.
15:16Sorry.
15:18So you're not?
15:19What?
15:20We were once, but as soon as it got serious, she broke up with me.
15:25So she ended it, huh?
15:27Yes.
15:28And it hit me like a ton of bricks, as did the actual ton of bricks that hit me a
15:36week later
15:36on a construction site.
15:39Oh, so that's how you ended up in the dumb question.
15:45It's all right.
15:46I still have a fulfilling life.
15:50Sarcastic, ha.
15:51Sarcastic, ha.
15:53Look, again, I'm sorry to bother you.
15:54I just, I found out Kate was sending you pictures.
15:57Kate and I are in a relationship.
15:59Well, it's not really a relationship.
16:01It's, it's...
16:01And it never will be.
16:03You'll never get more than that.
16:05She's a cold one, fat Kate.
16:09She's kind of robotic.
16:10And hearing it in that voice really drives it home.
16:14It would be intolerable if she didn't have such a sweet v-v-v-v heart.
16:26Yeah, I feel your pain.
16:28Stop bragging.
16:31Okay, I'm gonna get going now.
16:33Is there anything I can do for you?
16:34Yes.
16:35Can you pull out that plug?
16:37The gray one.
16:39It goes to the lamp.
16:41Sure.
16:45Hey, this is the plug to your life support machine.
16:47You want me to kill you?
16:48If it's not too much trouble.
16:52I'm sorry, I can't, I can't do that.
16:55Never mind.
16:56But could you help me with my medication before you go?
17:00Turn it up to ten.
17:05It's on one now.
17:07That'll kill you too.
17:10How about I turn it up to three?
17:13And just get you really high.
17:17Sold.
17:21Good morning, Nolan.
17:24Oh, hey, Dr. Rails.
17:27When you borrowed my phone to make a call, did you do anything else with it?
17:33No.
17:35I'm going to give you one more chance to tell me the truth before I show you the video you
17:41accidentally took when you were on my phone.
17:45Bluffing.
17:46Nobody's that stupid.
17:50Oh, no, forget this isn't the address book.
17:53What were you doing in my address book, Nolan?
17:56I'm sorry.
17:57It's just that Charlie need that Bart guy's address.
18:01Son of a bitch.
18:02I can't tell you anymore because of the party.
18:05Damn it, Nolan!
18:08Supposed to be a surprise.
18:09Damn it, Nolan!
18:12Kate, please, act like you don't know.
18:14There is no party, Nolan.
18:17Perfect.
18:18Thanks.
18:29Oh, hey.
18:30This is a booty call.
18:31I can't right now.
18:31Sam will be home soon.
18:32How dare you?
18:35Fine, I'll send him the movies for a few hours.
18:38I can't believe you violated my privacy like this.
18:40And what kind of a therapist would use their patient to spy on somebody?
18:45I don't know.
18:46An unconventional one.
18:47A maverick, if you will.
18:50My relationship with Bart is none of your business.
18:53Nothing is.
18:54You don't share anything with me.
18:55I tell you everything.
18:56My innermost thoughts, my feelings, everything that's happened to me.
18:58Because I'm your therapist, you dumbass.
19:02I just don't understand why you had to keep it a secret.
19:04I mean, okay, you dated the guy, you had this terrible accident,
19:06and now you're doing this sweet thing for...
19:09Wait a minute.
19:11I know why you didn't want me to know.
19:13Why?
19:15Because it's sweet.
19:17You are sweet.
19:19I am not.
19:21Yes, you are.
19:22You're a big, soft pile of sentimental goo, and you don't want me to know it.
19:24That is absolutely not true.
19:26Just because I do something decent for a guy who happened to fall in love with me
19:30and have his whole world cave in does not make me an emotional pile...
19:34What are you doing?
19:36Is that trying to comfort you?
19:39I have to go Rick Nolan, a new one.
19:42Must be hard since you're such a softy.
19:44Shut up.
19:46It's so cute when you try to act tough now.
19:48Oh, I hate you. I am leaving.
19:54You need a hug. I'm here.
19:58Now you're sweet and off balance.
20:05Everywhere I look, there's relax the backstores.
20:08Relax the front.
20:10Now that's a business model.
20:12It's actually the oldest business model.
20:15Weren't you there for the grand opening?
20:18Okay, Lacey just pulled up.
20:20Everybody get ready.
20:21Now, I want to surprise her.
20:23So don't tell her I got a job.
20:28Okay, don't tell her I lost my job.
20:30I'm out.
20:32Oh, there she is.
20:34Everything is so much different now.
20:36The clothes, the music.
20:39No, it's just a really boring bar.
20:40Oh, thank God.
20:42I want to let you know the whole time you were inside, I was faithful.
20:46Oh, yeah.
20:47Well, I was...
20:49I missed you too.
Comments