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مسلسل Fresh Off the Boat مترجم - Episode 5
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00:03Every Saturday, it seemed like all the guys in my school went to a sleepover, and every
00:06Monday, they'd brag about it in front of kids who weren't invited, like me.
00:10Man, we ate so much cereal.
00:12Yeah, we did.
00:13Remember when Doug wet the bed?
00:15Sploosh!
00:15It's not a party till my sleeping bag's flooded.
00:17Oh, yeah.
00:21Sleepovers are corny as hell.
00:22Right?
00:23Those guys are so dumb.
00:24Hey, Eddie.
00:25Want to come to my sleepover on Saturday?
00:27Yes!
00:28Wait a minute.
00:29Why are you inviting me?
00:30Is this a trick?
00:31No tricks.
00:32Trent told me about you feeling up that old lady at the block party.
00:35He touched her butt.
00:36She was like 25.
00:37Respect.
00:38You're gonna super appreciate what I've got planned for Saturday.
00:41I've got a dirty magazine.
00:43Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
00:46I hear Al McPherson's pretty.
00:48Obviously, none of us had seen a dirty magazine before.
00:51It was 1995.
00:52It wasn't like you could just say, Siri, find me boobs.
00:55My big brother got a subscription under a fake name, Todd Thickstone.
00:59And he's on the Eagle Scouts trip until Sunday, so it's all ours.
01:03I was mad psyched.
01:04I was on the road to making some friends.
01:06No way.
01:07Why not?
01:07It's just a sleepover.
01:09Because pedophiles.
01:10I saw it on the nightly news.
01:13Back in D.C., my mom spent her days working at my uncle's furniture store and her nights karaoke-ing
01:17with her friends.
01:18But since we moved to Orlando, she had a lot of time on her hands.
01:22Time she filled watching the nightly news.
01:25Are you at risk for date rape?
01:28Are deadly chemicals in your couch?
01:32Sexual harassment in the workplace.
01:34Can it happen to you?
01:36Yes, it can.
01:37Fear-mongering was made for my mom, and her paranoia made the rest of us miserable.
01:43Uh, are we still going to the movies?
01:46Only if there's something with Denzel.
01:49Movie theaters are a hotbed for disease nightly news.
01:52Crimson Tide is playing?
01:53Start the car.
02:13Eddie, dinner.
02:16If you don't let me go to that sleepover, I'm going to stop eating.
02:21Buddy.
02:23I have a reached.
02:24I see that now.
02:25Eddie, I already told you.
02:26You can have to sleep over here.
02:28I know that we are not pedophiles.
02:30The guys won't go for that.
02:31I don't have a dirty mask.
02:34It's just stupid here.
02:37You won't believe what happened at work today.
02:40What's going on?
02:42A customer just has to be seated, but all the tables are full.
02:51Should we start a waiting list?
02:54And then we started a waiting list.
02:56That's amazing.
02:57It's what we've been waiting for.
03:00Oh, no.
03:01I was afraid of this.
03:03Yeah.
03:04Wait, what just happened?
03:05Eddie, what's the thing you always say that the fat brown man says?
03:09More money, more problems?
03:10Yes, that.
03:11Now that we are close to achieving our dreams, we have to think about protecting them.
03:15We don't want to be a target for frivolous lawsuits.
03:19I saw it on the nightly news.
03:21Why do you always find something to worry about?
03:24Just relax.
03:25Our insurance cover everything.
03:26Food poisoning?
03:27Covered.
03:28Slipping balls?
03:28Covered.
03:29Sexual harassment?
03:30Damn, you're good.
03:31I knew there would be something.
03:32We need to do a seminar so that we are not liable.
03:36I can do it.
03:37At my family's furniture store, I handle employee grievances.
03:42The employees were you and your sister.
03:44That bitch.
03:45Jessica, don't say itch bay in front of the K-I-D-S.
03:49Dad, we can spill.
03:51Of course you can, little man.
03:53Hey, you know what?
03:53I'm going to get you an applesauce.
03:55Dad, I don't want an apple.
03:56Okay, I'll have an applesauce.
03:57Okay.
04:00My mom convinced my dad to let her give the sexual harassment seminar by, well, pretty
04:04much harassing him.
04:05Welcome to the first official Cattleman's Ranch sexual harassment seminar.
04:10Okay?
04:13To make sure we always have a pleasant work environment, flirting should be avoided at
04:19all times.
04:21Unless you're a handsome man, because who doesn't like that?
04:26Ladies, let's discuss how to sit.
04:29Your ankles should be crossed at all times.
04:32Unless your thigh make it physically impossible.
04:35You cannot wear any shirts that expose your belly button, especially if you have an Audi.
04:41That's just gross.
04:42Dirty jokes in the workplace, not allowed.
04:45For example, a German broad with big honkers walks into a bar.
04:51Okay, that's uncomfortable.
04:54Help yourself to fig Newtons and milk and laugh about what just happened.
04:57Okay.
05:01And my brother said there's a fold-out of Cathy Ireland in a white bikini looking cold,
05:06if you know what I mean.
05:07I don't.
05:08Me neither.
05:09But we'll find out on Saturday.
05:11I have real bad news.
05:13I can't come to the party.
05:14Sucks to be you.
05:15Because I'm also getting a popcorn machine.
05:18Oh, yeah.
05:20Dude.
05:20Do you know what might be cool is if we do the party at my house.
05:25Your house?
05:27No.
05:28My magazine, my party.
05:30Besides, does your bedroom have a mini fridge full of high-sea ecto-coolers?
05:36The official drink of Slimer.
05:38I was losing my audience.
05:39I had to do something quick.
05:40I have a dirty movie.
05:44Eddie's done?
05:48The guys were coming over for a dirty movie.
05:51A dirty movie I didn't have.
05:57To make some friends, I had to break some rules.
05:59And your boy was willing to do whatever it took.
06:03Why are you wearing Grandma's coat?
06:05Because I'm going to steal a dirty movie.
06:06You don't have to do this.
06:08Yes, I do.
06:08The guys are coming over tonight.
06:10I'll tell Mom.
06:11I'll draw butts on your homework.
06:13You win.
06:14I know.
06:15So that's where I'm going to steal a dirty movie.
06:18Love isn't dirty.
06:19It's beautiful.
06:20Shut up.
06:21Now let's do this.
06:22You guys cause a distraction.
06:27One.
06:29Raisins, raisins.
06:30They used to be grapes.
06:32Raisins, raisins.
06:33They used to be grapes.
06:35Raisins, raisins.
06:39Where are the cartoons?
06:41That's what I'm looking for, because I'm a kid.
06:42I knew it.
06:43I knew you didn't have a dirty movie and that you'd come here to steal one.
06:47But you totally failed.
06:50Are you going to tell everybody?
06:52Are you kidding?
06:53It'll be much more fun to watch you crash and burn tonight.
06:57Let's go, Raisin.
06:58Throw her your out of here.
06:59Don't tell Mom.
07:00She relies on me.
07:0130.
07:0231.
07:0331.
07:0432.
07:0433.
07:0533.
07:07Yep.
07:10Okay, we apologize if some of you felt sexually harassed by our last sexual harassment training.
07:16Who felt harassed?
07:17Was it you?
07:19I, I, I, no.
07:21Okay, stop.
07:22Stop.
07:24Now, thanks to my wife, who opened up this can of worms for no reason, I've hired a professional to
07:32lead this seminar.
07:32So, everybody, let's give a warm cattleman's welcome to Dusty Nugget.
07:40All right, all right, thank you.
07:43So, a little bit about me.
07:45I was a repeat sexual harassment offender who, thanks to a complicated plea deal, is now working for the good
07:51guys.
07:52That's right.
07:52They Hannibal lectured me.
07:54Don't be alarmed, I got booked on showing, not touching.
07:57So, let's start with the basics.
08:01Is sexual harassment good or bad?
08:08Bad.
08:10That's great.
08:12Oh, great job.
08:14Great, great job.
08:17Now, I'm gonna give you a little kiss.
08:20And freeze.
08:22What am I doing wrong?
08:24Oh!
08:25Oh!
08:30I give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat.
08:33Kiss you on the cheek and say, ooh, girl, you're so sweet.
08:35It's deja vu whenever I'm with you.
08:37What?
08:39Sorry.
08:40I'm your neighbor, Eddie.
08:41Yeah, I see you staring at me always.
08:44Cool, cool.
08:44So, I know it's weird, but can I take a video of you doing anything?
08:49Like homework or washing that car over there?
08:54Yeah!
08:56Yeah!
09:00Yeah!
09:06Hey, Mom, ask me if I'll eat my carrots.
09:08Can't believe we're paying for all this stuff.
09:11Because of you.
09:12No one is fond of fondling.
09:14You know why it's so expensive?
09:17Hidden fees.
09:18I saw a nightly news once when they talk about it.
09:20No more nightly news.
09:21These are the snacks you got me for my sleepover.
09:24Squiddies?
09:25What are squiddies?
09:26They are on sale, and there's a funny octopus on the back.
09:30We're squirting ink on a dog.
09:32These are for dogs.
09:34Dad, help me out.
09:35Eddie, you'll be fine.
09:36Just play with the Legos I bought you.
09:39Legos?
09:42Oh, welcome to our home.
09:44Come in.
09:45Eddie is so excited.
09:46He's had such a hard time making any friends.
09:49Okay, Mom.
09:49Thanks.
09:50There's pork bone stew on the stove.
09:52It's good for your hearing.
09:54Mom?
09:54Hi, Mrs. Wong.
09:57Where's the dirty movie?
09:59Yeah, Eddie.
10:00Where's the dirty movie?
10:04Okay, guys.
10:05Here's the thing.
10:07Is this it?
10:11I don't know what harassment means, but it's got the word ass in it.
10:19You two play in here, okay?
10:22Give Eddie some time with his friends.
10:26Grandma, what's your favorite color?
10:29Lyser.
10:29You're going to play the book?
10:40Prepare to sploosh.
10:42We'll see.
10:50The workplace is filled with inappropriate characters.
10:54Let's meet some of them.
10:55Here we have the persistent Romeo.
10:59If you select me on Friday night, I'll select you for the promotion.
11:05How about Saturday?
11:08Sunday?
11:10Monday.
11:14Then, there's the crooner.
11:16Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
11:24And watch out for tempting Tanya.
11:26She'll use her sexuality to ensnare you.
11:30Great job in the meeting today.
11:36This is amazing.
11:39I can't believe I'm actually watching a dirty movie.
11:43Obviously, none of us knew what a dirty movie was.
11:46You butthole.
11:48I can't believe you actually did it.
11:50Yo, I always do it.
11:53Next up, sensitivity regarding holiday party planning.
11:57Yeah!
12:04My sleepover was a big hit thanks to Dad's sexual harassment video.
12:07I couldn't wait to brag about it with my boys.
12:09How about the part where one for the road Randy is like,
12:12come on, Jen from accounting, let's have one for the road.
12:15Oh, yeah.
12:16What a sleepover, huh?
12:17Maybe I'll do it again next weekend.
12:19Oh, we don't need to go back to your place.
12:21We have our own copies.
12:23How did you get those?
12:25From me.
12:25You ganked my party, so I ganked your video.
12:28You stole my tape?
12:29I had a kid in the media room make copies.
12:33They all have the tape, so they don't need you.
12:36How do you sleep at night?
12:38With two nightlights.
12:39I got a big room.
12:45Louis, we need to install floodlights in the parking lot.
12:48Why?
12:49Because bad guys steal babies from the back seats of cars.
12:53It's a baby-selling scheme.
12:55I saw it on 60 Minutes.
12:57No nightly news last night.
12:59They aired a repeat of Family Matters.
13:01I know.
13:01I saw it.
13:02Urkel was hilarious.
13:03You need to stop being so paranoid.
13:05We don't know these people down here.
13:07We don't know what they're capable of.
13:09And freeze.
13:11This is currently not sexual harassment,
13:14but if in the process of making up,
13:16things got physical,
13:17well,
13:18that is a workplace no-no.
13:20What are you still doing here?
13:22The state requires me to be here for one week
13:24before I can give you your completion certificate.
13:38They don't want to be here for one week.
13:40I don't want to be here for one week.
13:43I don't want to do it.
13:56It wasn't long before that video spread all over the joint.
13:59It was like the 1995 version of going viral.
14:01And it started a sexual harassment revolution at my school.
14:07If you select me as your boyfriend, I'll select you for the promotion.
14:14Nice kicking kickball today.
14:17Aren't you attempting, Tanya?
14:19Hi, boy.
14:26Hey, girl.
14:27How about we have one for the road?
14:30What road?
14:34It just got out of hand fast.
14:38I'm confused why we're here.
14:41We traced this video back to your son.
14:43It's caused an epidemic.
14:45It's just a sexual harassment training video from my restaurant.
14:48Oh, I've watched the video.
14:49I know it's completely innocent.
14:52I'm confused why we're here.
14:55If the boys think this is a dirty movie, they obviously don't know what sex is.
14:59We're planning a sex ed assembly.
15:01But in the meantime, we're encouraging parents to have the talk with their sons.
15:05The talk?
15:06He's still just a kid.
15:07Here.
15:08We're giving all the parents a copy of the district-approved textbook.
15:12Flowers and watering cans?
15:15It's quite lovely.
15:16My wife did all the illustrations.
15:18Oh, is that what your wife does with her free time?
15:20My wife worries about sexual harassment, razor blades and apples, baby thieves, my favorite blue sweater getting me mistaken for
15:26a gang member.
15:27It's a nice sweater for a crip to get shot in.
15:33I'm going to Applebee's after this.
15:35Do you think I'll be okay?
15:37No, I don't.
15:48You're bluffing.
15:49You don't have it.
15:54I'm all in.
16:03She had it, Evan.
16:16I guess he's not a kid anymore.
16:20I can't believe it's time to give him the talk.
16:23I know.
16:25Well, I will let you know how it goes.
16:27Oh, hell no.
16:28You created this whole situation.
16:30I'll handle this now.
16:33Father to son.
16:56I can't believe this is how they teach kids about sex here.
16:59Dad, can you please just ground me or something?
17:03Eddie, half the reason I come to this country is so you could have lots of sex.
17:09What I mean is Taiwan was so conservative.
17:12You couldn't really have sex before you were married.
17:15You didn't know if you and your wife were compatible that way.
17:18It was dumb luck that your mom and I were.
17:20Yo!
17:21Sorry.
17:22Look, I don't want you to go out and have sex tomorrow, okay?
17:26But this, this is just going to confuse you.
17:31I will tell you the truth if you want to hear it.
17:35Yeah?
17:37Okay.
17:38Okay.
17:38Okay, where to start?
17:41This will sound crazy, but it's way better than video games.
17:45You know how sneezes feel really satisfying in a weird way?
17:49Stay away from Arkansas.
17:51They outlawed all the fun stuff.
17:53Spring break.
17:54My God.
17:55I am so excited for you.
17:57I might come with.
17:59That's a great question.
18:00I say maybe you burn about 200 calories.
18:03If you pretend like you have a bad back, you don't have to do so much work.
18:07Three words.
18:08Old National Geographic.
18:10I like having the lights out so I could pretend like we're in a castle.
18:14These are not the type of craps Maryland is known for.
18:17And most importantly, like we always say during the SNL monologue when a musician hosts, wrap it up.
18:29How'd it go?
18:30Good.
18:31I went over the whole book.
18:33Did you tell him not to date rape?
18:35What?
18:37I felt good after that talk with my dad.
18:39The other guys at school got a bunch of garbage about watering cans and flowers.
18:44Let's kiss, okay.
18:47But my dad gave me the real, and I was mad appreciative for that.
18:50I said to myself, when I became a dad, I'd treat my son with the same respect.
18:54Like that?
18:55What are you doing?
18:56You like that?
18:56No.
18:56Well, girls don't either.
18:58No means no.
18:59Respect girls.
19:00Nicely new.
19:01Okay, okay.
19:02Girls.
19:07Okay, I may have overreacted.
19:10You think?
19:11Obviously, I have too much time on my hands.
19:14I'm in the house all day, and it's making me stir crazy.
19:18I think I need to get a job.
19:20You're the classifies.
19:21I circle you several options.
19:23And?
19:25Do you have anything else you want to say to me?
19:27Yes.
19:28Go get ready for bed.
19:30And that you're?
19:32His mother, and that he still has a bedtime.
19:35But you came at Eddie with a stuffed animal, and now you're?
19:40Sewing it up.
19:42Oh, come on.
19:46I don't have to say I'm sorry to him, Louis.
19:48I gave birth to him.
19:50Life is worth a thousand I am sorry's.
19:54Thanks, Mommy.
19:55It looks as good as new.
19:56This belongs to Grandma now.
19:58She wanted fair and square.
20:00Oh, that's poker, baby.
20:02That's poker.
20:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:13Okay, students.
20:15A state-licensed spokesman is here to tell us about our bodies.
20:18One of our parents, Louis Wong, highly recommended him.
20:22Dusty Nuget.
20:27Okay, it's Dusty Nuget.
20:30Just Nuget.
20:31Okay, kids.
20:32What do you say we keep that applause going for a special friend of mine I brought along
20:36to help us out, huh?
20:37Let's hear it for him, huh?
20:42Hey, thanks, Dusty Nuget.
20:44Wow, what a cool guy, huh, kids?
20:47Hi, I'm Healthy Hamilton.
20:50And what do you say we just start with some questions, huh?
20:53Do you have a penis?
20:54Kevin!
20:55No, it's okay.
20:56I prefer to think of it as a watering can.
21:01So, you guys want to hear the real sleepover, my house, Saturday night.
21:05I'll tell you about spring break, black spring break.
21:09No, we're going to have a sleepover at my house Saturday night.
21:12I just got a bird that can talk.
21:17So, Eddie's house then?
21:21Yep, they chose me, Brock.
21:23Talk to your bird about that.
21:25Yeah.
21:27I think that's a good idea.
21:28Hmm.
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