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مسلسل Friends مترجم - Episode 1
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00:04So no one told you life was gonna be this way
00:10Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's the old way
00:15It's like you're always stuck in second gear
00:18When it hasn't been your day, a week, a month, and we've been all here
00:24But I'll be there for you
00:28When the rain starts to pour
00:30I'll be there for you
00:35I'll be there for you
00:47There's nothing to tell, it's just some guy I work with
00:50Come on, you're going out with the guy, there's got to be something wrong with him
00:55So does he have a hump, a hump and a hairpiece?
01:00Wait, does he eat chalk?
01:03Just because I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl
01:06Okay, everybody relax, this is not even a date
01:09It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex
01:12Sounds like a date to me
01:17Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria
01:19And I realize I am totally naked
01:25Then I look down and I realize there is a phone
01:30There
01:33Instead of...
01:33That's right
01:34I've never heard that
01:35All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring
01:40And it turns out it's my mother
01:44Which is very, very weird because she never calls me
01:53Hi
01:56This guy says hello, I want to kill myself
02:00Are you okay, sweetie?
02:01I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine
02:05Pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck
02:08Cookie?
02:11Carol moved her stuff out today
02:13Let me get you some coffee
02:14Thanks
02:20No, no, no, don't
02:22Stop cleansing my aura
02:25Don't just leave my aura alone, okay?
02:29I'll be fine, alright?
02:30Really, everyone, I hope she'll be very happy
02:32No, you don't
02:33No, I don't
02:34To hell with her, she left me
02:37And you never knew she was a lesbian
02:43No, okay?
02:45Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
02:49She didn't know, how should I know?
02:54Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian
02:58Did I say that out loud?
03:02Alright, Ross, look
03:04You're feeling a lot of pain right now
03:06You're angry
03:07You're hurting
03:09Can I tell you what the answer is?
03:12Strip joints
03:15Come on, you're single
03:16Have some hormones
03:18See, but I don't want to be single, okay?
03:20I just, I just, I just want to be married again
03:27And I just want a million dollars
03:32Rachel?
03:33Oh, God, Monica, hi
03:34Thank God
03:35I just went to your building
03:37And you weren't there
03:38And then this guy with a big hammer
03:39Said that you might be here
03:40And you are, you are
03:41Can I get you some coffee?
03:44Decaf
03:46Okay, everybody
03:47This is Rachel
03:48And another Lincoln High survivor
03:50This is everybody
03:51This is Chandler
03:51And Phoebe
03:52And Joey
03:53And you remember my brother Ross?
03:55Sure
04:06So you want to tell us now
04:08Or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
04:12Oh, God
04:13Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding
04:17I was in this room where we were keeping all the presents
04:20And I was looking at this gravy boat
04:22This really gorgeous limoge gravy boat
04:25When all of a sudden
04:26Sweet and low
04:27I realized
04:29I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry
04:34And then I got really freaked out
04:35And that's when it hit me
04:36How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head
04:40You know, I mean
04:41I always knew he looked familiar, but
04:46Anyway
04:47I just had to get out of there
04:48And I started wondering
04:49Why am I doing this?
04:50And who am I doing this for?
04:53So, anyway
04:54I just didn't know where to go
04:55And I know that you and I have kind of drifted apart
04:57But you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city
05:01Who wasn't invited to the wedding?
05:03Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue
05:20I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ
05:22And she's really not happy about it
05:26Daddy, I just
05:28I can't marry him
05:29I'm sorry
05:31I just don't love him
05:34Well, it matters to me
05:39Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants
05:42I say push her down the stairs
05:45Push her down the stairs
05:47Push her down the stairs
05:49That's it
05:50All right
05:53Come on, Daddy, listen to me
05:55It's like all of my life
05:56Everyone has always told me
05:58You're a shoe
05:59You're a shoe
06:00You're a shoe
06:01You're a shoe
06:02And then today I just stopped and I said
06:04What if I don't want to be a shoe?
06:05What if I want to be a purse?
06:08You know, or a hat
06:11No, I don't want you to buy me a hat
06:13I'm saying that I am a hat
06:14It's a metaphor, Daddy
06:18You can see where he'd have trouble
06:23Look, Daddy, it's my life
06:27Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica
06:32Well, I guess we've established you staying here with Monica
06:36Well, maybe that's my decision
06:40Well, maybe I don't need your money
06:42Wait, wait, I said maybe
06:52Breathe, that's it
06:53Just try to think of nice, calm things
06:56Raindrops on roses
06:59And spills on spills
07:01Doorbells and sleighbells
07:03And something with mittens
07:05And I'll unlust something with string
07:08I'm all better now
07:12I helped
07:16Okay, look, this is probably for the best, you know
07:19Independence
07:20Taking control of your life
07:22And hey, you need anything
07:24You can always come to Joey
07:26Me and Chandler live right across the hall
07:28And he's away a lot
07:32Joey, stop hitting on her
07:33It's her wedding day
07:34What?
07:35Like there's a rule or something?
07:39Please don't do that again
07:40It's a horrible sound
07:42Uh, it's, uh, it's Paul
07:44Buzz him in
07:45Who's Paul?
07:46Paul the wine guy, Paul?
07:48Maybe
07:49Wait a minute
07:49Your not-a-real date tonight is with Paul the wine guy?
07:53He finally asked you out?
07:54Yes
07:54Ooh, this is a dear diary moment
07:58Rach, wait, I can cancel
08:00Please, no, go, I'll be fine
08:02Ross, are you okay?
08:03I mean, do you want me to stay?
08:06That'd be good
08:09Really?
08:09No, go on
08:10It's Paul the wine guy
08:16Hi, come in
08:17Paul, this is...
08:19Everybody
08:21Everybody, this is Paul
08:22Hey, Paul
08:23The wine guy
08:24I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name
08:26Paul, was it?
08:28Okay, sit down
08:29Two seconds
08:35Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes
08:36That can't be good
08:40So, Rachel, what are you, uh, what are you up to tonight?
08:43Well, I was kind of supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing
08:50Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon
08:53God
08:53No, no, although, Aruba
08:55This time of year, talk about your...
09:00Big lizards
09:05Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, uh, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put
09:10together my new furniture
09:11Yes, and we're very excited about it
09:15Well, actually, thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight, it's been a long day
09:20Oh, sure, okay, sure
09:21Hey, Phoebe, do you want to help?
09:22Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to
09:32I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things using a bunch of these little worm guys
09:41I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever, and I cannot feel my legs
09:50What's this?
09:51I have no idea
09:57Done with the bookcase
09:58All finished
10:02This was Carol's favorite beer
10:07She always drank it out of the can, I should have known
10:09Hey
10:11Ross, let me ask you a question
10:12She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV
10:16What did you get?
10:19You guys
10:20Oh, God
10:20You got screwed
10:21Oh, my God
10:22Oh, my God
10:23I know, I know, I'm such an idiot
10:27I guess I should have caught on when you started going to the dentist four and five times a week
10:31I mean, how clean can teeth get?
10:34My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess
10:37How did you get through it?
10:39Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers
10:42Say, her...
10:43Leg?
10:44Oh, that's one way I'm going through it, yeah
10:46Me, I went for the watch
10:48You actually broke her watch?
10:50Mm-hmm
10:50Barry, I'm sorry
10:52I'm so sorry
10:54I know you probably think this is all about what I said the other night about you making love with
10:58your socks on
10:58But it isn't
10:59It isn't, it's about me
11:01And I just...
11:09Hi, machine cut me off again
11:11Anyway
11:14You know what the scariest part is?
11:16What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know?
11:19I mean, what if you get one woman and that's it?
11:22Unfortunately, in my case, there was only one woman for her
11:27What are you talking about?
11:29One woman
11:31That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you
11:34Let me tell you something, Ross
11:36There's lots of flavors out there
11:38There's Rocky Road and Cookie Dough and, bing, cherry vanilla
11:43You can get them with jimmies or nuts
11:46Or whipped cream
11:48This is the best thing that ever happened to you
11:51You got married
11:52You were like, what, eight?
11:56Welcome back to the world
11:58Grab a spoon
12:00I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny
12:03And stay out of my freezer
12:08Ever since she walked out on me
12:12What?
12:14What, what?
12:14You want to spell it out with noodles?
12:16No, it's more of a fifth date kind of revelation
12:21Oh, so there's going to be a fifth date?
12:25Isn't there?
12:27Yeah, yeah, I, I think there is
12:31What were you going to say?
12:35Well, er, er, er, ever since she left me, um, I haven't, I haven't been able to, uh, perform sexually
12:46Oh, God, oh, God, I am so, I'm so sorry
12:52It's okay
12:52I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now
12:55Um, how long?
12:59Two years
13:01Wow
13:03I, I, I'm glad you smashed your watch
13:08So you still think you, um, might want that fifth date?
13:14Yeah
13:16Yeah, yeah, I do
13:19I, Joni, take you, Charles, as my lawful husband
13:23Do you take Joni?
13:24Oh, see, but Joni loved Chachi
13:29That's the difference
13:33Grab a spoon
13:34Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?
13:38Do the words, Billy, don't be a hero mean anything to you?
13:43You know, here's the thing
13:45Even if I could get it together enough to, you know, to ask a woman out
13:50Who am I going to ask?
14:14Isn't this amazing?
14:15I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life
14:18That is amazing
14:20Congratulations
14:20While you're on a roll
14:22If you feel like you've got to make, like, a western omelet or something
14:28Although, actually, I'm really not that hungry this morning
14:33Good morning
14:34Good morning
14:34Good morning
14:35Good morning
14:38Good morning
14:38Good morning, Paul
14:39Hello, Paul
14:40Hi, Paul, is it?
14:46I had a really great time last night
14:49Thank you
14:50Thank you so much
14:52We'll talk later
14:53Yeah
14:59Thank you
15:07That wasn't a real date
15:11What the hell do you do on a real date?
15:15Shut up and put my table back
15:16Okay
15:18All right, kids, I've got to get to work
15:20If I don't input those numbers
15:23Doesn't make much of a difference
15:29So, like, you guys all have jobs?
15:32Yeah, we all have jobs
15:33See, that's how we buy stuff
15:38Yeah, I'm an actor
15:39Wow
15:40Would I have seen you in anything?
15:42Oh, I doubt it
15:43Mostly regional work
15:44Okay, unless you happen to catch the Wee Ones production of Pinocchio
15:48Look, Geppetto
15:49I'm a real live boy
15:51I will not take this abuse
15:56You're right, I'm sorry
15:58Once I was a wooden boy
16:04So, how are you doing today?
16:06You sleep okay?
16:07Did you talk to Barry?
16:09I can't stop smiling
16:10I can see that
16:12You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth
16:14I know
16:20I know, he's just so
16:24You remember you and Tony DiMarco?
16:26Oh, yeah
16:26Well, it's like that
16:28With feelings
16:31Oh, wow
16:31Are you in trouble?
16:33Okay, okay
16:34I am just going to get up
16:36Go to work
16:37And not think about him all day
16:40Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work
16:43Oh, wish me luck
16:44What for?
16:45I'm gonna go get one of those
16:47Job things
16:56Hey, Monica
16:57Brandy, welcome back
16:59How was Florida?
17:01You had sex, didn't you?
17:04How do you do that?
17:07So, who?
17:08You know, Paul?
17:10Paul the wine guy?
17:12Oh, yeah
17:13I know Paul
17:16You mean you know Paul
17:17Like I know Paul
17:19Are you kidding?
17:20I take credit for Paul
17:21You know, before me
17:22There was no snapping this turtle
17:24For two years
17:29Of course it was a line
17:32Why?
17:33Why?
17:33Why would anybody do something like that?
17:35I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than
17:38To get you into bed
17:41Is it me?
17:43Is it like I have some sort of beacon
17:45That only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
17:49All right, come here
17:50Give me your feet
17:58I just thought he was nice, you know?
18:03I can't believe you didn't know it was a line
18:11Guess what?
18:12You got a job?
18:13Are you kidding?
18:14I'm trained for nothing
18:15I was laughed out of 12 interviews today
18:19And yet you're surprisingly upbeat
18:21Well, you would be too
18:23If you found Joan and David boots on sale
18:2550% off
18:27Oh, how well you know me
18:30They're my new
18:31I don't need a job
18:32I don't need my parents
18:33I've got great boots, boots
18:37How'd you pay for them?
18:38A credit card
18:39And who pays for that?
18:42Um, my father
18:46Come on, you can't live off your parents your whole life
18:48I know that
18:49That's why I was getting married
18:53Give her a break
18:54It's hard being on your own for the first time
18:56Thank you
18:57You're welcome
18:58I remember when I first came to this city
19:00I was 14
19:00My mom had just killed herself
19:02And my stepdad was back in prison
19:03And I got here
19:05And I didn't know anybody
19:06And I ended up living with this albino guy
19:08Who was like cleaning windshields outside Port Authority
19:10And then he killed himself
19:14And then I found aromatherapy
19:16So believe me
19:17I know exactly how you feel
19:22The word you're looking for is
19:25Anyway
19:26You ready?
19:32I don't think so
19:33Oh, come on
19:34Cut
19:35Cut
19:35Cut
19:36Cut
19:37Cut
19:37Cut
19:38Cut
19:38Cut
19:38Cut
19:38Cut
19:39Cut
19:39Cut
19:39Cut
19:40Hey
19:43Welcome to the real world
19:45It sucks
19:46You're gonna love it
19:55Well, that's it
19:57You wanna crash on the couch?
19:59No
19:59No, I gotta go home sometime
20:00You gonna be okay?
20:02Yeah
20:02Hang on
20:05Look what I just found on the floor
20:09What?
20:10That's Paul's watch
20:12You just put it back where you found it
20:16Oh, boy
20:17All right
20:18Good night, everybody
20:19Good night
20:32Oh, I'm
20:33Oh, sorry
20:33Oh, no, no, go
20:33Go, go
20:34No, have it really
20:34I don't want to
20:35Split it
20:35Okay
20:36Okay
20:40Thanks
20:41You know, you probably didn't know this
20:42But back in high school
20:43I had a, um
20:45Major
20:46Crush on you
20:48I knew
20:49You did
20:50Oh, okay
20:53I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother
20:56I did
20:57Oh
21:03Listen, do you think
21:05And try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here
21:10But do you think it would be okay if I asked you out sometime, maybe?
21:16Yeah
21:18Maybe
21:20Okay
21:27Okay
21:28Okay, maybe I will
21:33Good night
21:34Good night
21:49See ya
21:52Wait, wait
21:54Hey, what's with you?
21:57I just grabbed a spoon
22:08I can't believe what I'm hearing here
22:10I can't believe what I'm hearing here
22:12What?
22:12I said you had an
22:13What?
22:13I said you had
22:15Would you stop?
22:17Oh, was I doing it again?
22:18Yes
22:18Yes
22:20Would anybody like more coffee?
22:24Did you make it or are you just serving it?
22:27I'm just serving it
22:28Yeah
22:28I'll have a cup of coffee
22:31Kids, new dream
22:32I'm in Las Vegas
22:34I'm Liza Minnelli
22:43I'm Liza Minnelli
22:44Give it to her
22:44Hey, oh, go freak out man
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