- 13 hours ago
Jeeves and Wooster S02E06 Wooster with a Wife
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I love you
00:47¶¶
00:58Well, Tony can play a lot.
01:00Absolutely. Did that girl in the blue hat remind you of someone?
01:04Er, no.
01:05Oh, no, of course not. You haven't met her, so I wouldn't.
01:08Met who?
01:09Well, this girl I'm talking about.
01:11No.
01:12She's a wonderful girl.
01:13How's Angela?
01:15Don't talk to me about Angela.
01:18Well, right.
01:19So, what do you think the fellow with the gammy leg from the war is going to do in Act
01:22Two?
01:23Your cousin Angela is an A1 scourge, if you must know.
01:28Oh, come, come, Tony.
01:29This is my favourite cousin you're talking about.
01:31You know she's given me the push.
01:33No.
01:34She has.
01:35It's simply because I was man enough to speak out candidly on the subject of a ghastly hat she was
01:41chump enough to buy.
01:42Huh.
01:43What do you mean, foot?
01:45Well, all I said was it made her look like a raccoon peering out from underneath a flower pot.
01:50Which it did.
01:51Yes, well, they're not awfully keen on fearless honesty, I find.
01:53Well, your cousin Angela certainly isn't.
01:56It's all about hats, anyway.
01:59Anyway, I've been down at Bleaching Court for the last week.
02:02You know, trying to forget.
02:04It's original Dalglish's place.
02:06I'm going to be staying there this weekend.
02:07Yes, I know.
02:09You'll be able to meet, sir.
02:11Yes, well, never mind.
02:13Meet?
02:14Meet who?
02:14Cheers.
02:16Cheers.
02:17Cheers.
02:18Cheers.
02:19Cheers.
02:20Cheers.
02:21Cheers.
02:22Cheers.
02:22Cheers.
02:25I wish you'd at least put it on another table for a change.
02:29Sir?
02:30I mean, every day, the same old time, you come in with the same old tray and put it on
02:33the
02:34same old table.
02:35I'm just fed up with the monotony.
02:37It's the bally-ballyness of it all that makes it all seem so bally-bally.
02:43Would you like me to put it on another table, sir?
02:46No, no, no, jeez, no, I'm not blaming you.
02:47No, it's just, oh, by Jove, I mean to say, I've been thinking pretty deeply these last few
02:52days, jeez, and, uh, well, I've come to the conclusion that mine is an empty life, jeez.
02:58I'm lonely.
03:00You have a great many friends, sir.
03:02Yes, I know, but I, well, you know that play, oh, what was his dash name, the one I saw
03:08last
03:08night?
03:09No, sir.
03:10Uh, it's not what you call it.
03:11Anyway, the hero's a chap who's buzzing along through life, you know, quite merry and bright,
03:16uh, apart from his gammy leg from the war, and all of a sudden this kid turns up and,
03:20uh, says that she's his daughter, uh, left over from act one, and he's absolutely the
03:25first he's ever heard of it.
03:26Uh, so obviously there's a, there's a bit of a fuss, and, uh, they say to him, what ho,
03:30and he says, what ho, and, uh, anyway, he takes the kid, and they go off together out into
03:35the world.
03:38Very inspiring, sir.
03:39Yes, well, well, I thought so, yes.
03:42Well, what I'm driving at, jeez, is that, you know, I, I envied that chappy, you know,
03:46having a jolly little girl clinging to him trustingly and whatnot, someone to look after,
03:50if you know what I mean.
03:52You know, I wish I had a daughter.
03:55I wonder what the procedure is.
03:57Marriage is, I believe, sir, the preliminary step for those willing to undergo its rigors.
04:03Yeah, yes, I suppose so.
04:06Oh, well.
04:20Telegram for you, is it?
04:22Oh.
04:36Rummy communication, this, jeez, from Mr. Glossop.
04:39Indeed, sir.
04:40When you come down, bring my rugger boots.
04:42Also, Irish water spaniel.
04:45Urgent.
04:45Regards, tuppy.
04:47You know, I'm worried about Mr. Glossop, jeez.
04:49From the way he was talking last night, I got the distinct impression that he's gone
04:52and got himself involved with that dull Gleesh girl down in Bleaching.
04:55Indeed, sir.
04:56Yes, apparently he's had some sort of bust-up with my cousin Angela.
04:59But I mean to say, jeez, if a girl can't, in the course of ordinary, everyday conversation,
05:03tell a chap to go and boil his head without said chap turning to the arms of another,
05:07well, I mean, where are we, jeez?
05:08Where indeed, sir?
05:11Well, I think we owe it to my cousin Angela to prise tuppy apart from this interloper.
05:16Very good, sir.
05:17Hello, jeez.
05:18Le gond de monsieur, le chapeau de monsieur, et le hoi de monsieur.
05:23I tell you what, jeez.
05:25Sir?
05:26In Ray, our recent discussion of children pattering feet and so forth,
05:29I could always marry Bobby Wickham.
05:30It started that way.
05:32Oh, dear jeez, I know we had an unfortunate experience the last time I was going to propose
05:35to her, but she's a good egg, jeez, you can't deny that.
05:38Well, sir?
05:39She's playing at the South Hearts Ladies Tennis Championship today.
05:42Book us a couple of rooms at the local caravans for I.
05:44We'll pop in and see her on the way down to Bleaching.
05:45Very good, sir.
05:48Jeeves!
05:48Yes, sir?
05:49There is a tone that comes into your voice whenever I mention Miss Wickham.
05:52If I didn't know you better, I'd almost call it a sigh.
05:54Oh, no, sir, I assure you.
05:55I'll try and eradicate it, jeez.
05:57Very good, sir.
05:58Miss Wickham is an absolute corker, and as such, is a worthy mother to my children.
06:02She may have her faults, but she's absolutely chock-full to the brim with fizz and ginger.
06:06Precisely, sir.
06:07Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, jeez.
06:09Very good, sir.
06:12Bertie!
06:13Bingo!
06:14I was just on my way to fight you, Bertie.
06:16I wanted to ask you a question.
06:17Ask away, Bingo.
06:18Do you like the name Mabel?
06:21No.
06:22Oh.
06:23You don't think it has a certain music in it, like the wind rustling gently through the treetops?
06:28Uh, no.
06:29Oh.
06:31Oh, well, you wouldn't, of course.
06:32You always were a fathead without any soul, weren't you?
06:34Come on, I'll take you to have lunch with her.
06:46Sure this is the right place, Bingo?
06:48Sit down, Bertie.
06:50Ah!
06:53Ah, aren't we going to wait for, um...
06:55Hello, Mabel.
06:56Hello.
06:57This is Bertie Worcester, a pal of mine.
06:59Pleased to meet you.
07:01Oh, hello, Mabel.
07:02You see, I'm wearing the tie.
07:05Suits you beautiful.
07:07What's it going to be today, then?
07:09I'll have my usual.
07:11Cocoa, feeling M pie, slice of fruitcake in a macaroon.
07:16You remember.
07:17Same for you, sir.
07:19No, no, no.
07:20I'll just have a roll of butter and a cup of coffee.
07:23Right.
07:28Well?
07:30Very nice.
07:31You don't think she's the most beautiful girl you ever saw?
07:34Absolutely.
07:37So, what I thought was, Bertie, if you don't object, I'd like to put my problem to Jeeves.
07:42What problem?
07:43My Uncle Mortimer, of course, you poor fish.
07:45What do you think he's going to say to my marrying Mabel?
07:48Oh, you're going to get married, are you?
07:51Of course we're going to get married.
07:52Oh, that's a coincidence.
07:53Because I've decided I'm going to marry Bobby Wickham.
07:55Oh, never mind that.
07:57He'll tie himself in knots on the hearth, right?
08:00Yeah.
08:01One of these emotional Johnnies, is he?
08:02I'm pretty well dependent on the old boy.
08:04If he cuts off my allowance, I shall be very much in the suit.
08:07Somehow or other, his mind has got to be prepared to receive the news.
08:10But how?
08:14Oh, that's a fat lot of help.
08:21Well, sir, have you sorted out, Bingo?
08:28Good heavens, Jeeves.
08:30Is that an Irish water spaniel?
08:31No, sir.
08:33No such animal was available at short notice.
08:35I thought an Irish wolfhound would make an acceptable approximation.
08:39I don't know, Jeeves.
08:40Toppy was pretty specific in his telegram.
08:42Ah, what about the rugaboos?
08:44I collected them from his housekeeper, sir.
08:46Good, good.
08:47Ah, well, Bingo's got a bit of a problem, Jeeves.
08:50Delicate subject, Jeeves, as a matter of fact.
08:53Very good, sir.
08:58Jeeves?
09:00What on earth's the matter, Jeeves?
09:03Jeeves?
09:04I apologise, sir.
09:05It was unforgivable of me.
09:07I shall be better directly.
09:09It's just Mr. Little's tie, sir.
09:13It has little horseshoes on it.
09:16Oh, yes, yes, I noticed that.
09:18It's sometimes difficult just to shrug these things off, sir.
09:23However, what was it, sir, that Mr. Little needed advice on?
09:27It's about his uncle.
09:29Would that be Lord Bittlesham, who lives in Pounceby Gardens, sir?
09:32How do you know he lives in Pounceby Gardens?
09:35I'm on terms of some intimacy with Lord Bittlesham's cook, sir.
09:39In fact, there is an understanding.
09:42Do you mean you're engaged?
09:43It might be said to amount to that, sir, yes.
09:46Huh.
09:47Well, well, well.
09:48She is an excellent cook, sir.
09:53Sir?
09:54My uncle Mortimer is quite likely to cut off my allowance, so you see Penury is staring
09:58me in the face, Jeeves.
09:59One thing does occur, sir.
10:01I was speaking to Lord Bittlesham's valet only the other day, and he was telling me that
10:06it has become his principal duty to read to Lord Bittlesham in the evenings.
10:10If I were you, sir, I would volunteer to take over that particular task.
10:15Ah, old man moved by nephew's kindly action, you mean?
10:20Partly that, sir.
10:21I was relying, however, more on Mr. Little's choice of literature.
10:24If you were to read to your uncle, day by day, a series of narratives in which marriage
10:29of young persons of inferior social status is held up to be both admirable and feasible,
10:35then I fancy it might prepare Lord Bittlesham's mind for the news that his nephew wishes to
10:40marry a waitress in a tea shop.
10:42Well, are there any books like that nowadays?
10:44Oh, a great many, sir.
10:46Have you never encountered The Courtship of Lord Strathmorelick by Rosie N. Banks?
10:51Nope.
10:51Nor Only a Factory Girl by the same author?
10:56Never.
10:57My aunt owns almost a complete set of Rosie N. Banks, sir.
11:01I could easily borrow as many volumes as you might require.
11:05They make light, attractive reading.
11:07All right, then, Jeeves.
11:08You toddle off to your aunts and grab a couple of the fruitiest.
11:11May as well give it a dash, eh?
11:12What do you say, Bingo?
11:13Oh, anything.
11:13Anything, Bertie.
11:14I'll start straight away.
11:16The latest thing to find out about the Indian Hall.
11:19Expectations to request.
11:20Take their seats.
11:21Go to the hall.
11:25All right.
11:25Take the luggage round to the hotel, Jeeves, and I'll see you later.
11:28Very good, sir.
11:29And wish me luck with this week, Jeeves.
11:30I do, sir.
11:31I do.
11:32Most happily.
11:41Ah!
11:43What-o, Bobby?
11:44Where on earth have you been, Bertie?
11:45My match stops in five minutes.
11:48This is my cousin, Clementina.
11:50You're to look after her till I've finished.
11:52Wish me luck.
11:56Well, Clementina.
11:57Was that your car that you came in?
12:00With the dog?
12:00Yes.
12:01My father's got a bench.
12:04Really?
12:05Well, I may as well.
12:07And Clona, what's the match, eh?
12:08They've got strawberries in the tea tent.
12:11Ah.
12:13Excuse me.
12:14Excuse me.
12:15Oh, it's strawberry.
12:18Mm.
12:18Mm.
12:20Mm.
12:22Mm.
12:23Mm.
12:23Mm.
12:26Mm.
12:27Mm.
12:27Mm.
12:28Right now, you'd better hurry up beneath those or we'll miss the match.
12:34You didn't get any lemonade.
12:51It's inside.
12:52OK, there's a one thing I've ever heard, sir.
12:53Don't worry about, but I'm going to call.
12:54It's better.
12:57did they have any ice cream no i saw a boy eating one
13:07excuse me sorry
13:13game to miss wickham miss wickham leads four games to three
13:27isn't it i'm so sorry i'm sorry
13:37game set and match to miss wickham
13:52terrific wasn't it you were wonderful we are awfully good of you to rally
13:56around bertie well you're not going i promised to take him and tina to tea oh yes yes i expect
14:02you'll need some nourishment yes bye bye bobby um there was uh there was something i wanted to
14:09say to you you can give me dinner at the mariners if you like bye this may well be it
14:15jeeves it
14:16sir pitching the moodies not to rule out popping the question the lights will be low the wine will
14:22be flowing i'm sure i wish you every good fortune sir i only hope that the dog will not impede
14:29your
14:29endeavors patrick patrick will be warmly ensconced in your room jeez and it is if you recall sir my
14:35evening off i had promised myself a quiet evening with an improving book can't you spend an evening
14:41with an improving dog he will pine for you sir he pined most pathetically this afternoon he becomes
14:49excitable when he pines
14:55well come on patrick
14:56come on bobby she's forgotten patrick i know it
15:10hello mr worcester
15:14are we late no no uh
15:20this is patrick clementina loves animals of course she's not allowed to have them at school
15:25what can you expect of a dump like st monica's no no he's sweet
15:31uh bobby i um i wanted to ask you something
15:38we shouldn't let the waiters tease the dog like that
15:41no no i suppose not bobby there comes a time in a man's life are we going to have ice
15:48cream
15:52and a double 19 to finish i think
15:58thank you gentlemen most enjoyable wherever did you learn to play like that mr jesus one picks these
16:06things up as one passes through life my dear that was lovely bertie oh well i'm glad you enjoyed it
16:12bobby because uh well what i mean to say is do you think patrick would be sick if we gave
16:17him some
16:18ice cream yes uh bobby we've known each other a long time and excuse me miss wickham your car is
16:25here
16:26oh no look at the time car i'll just catch the 9 45 if i hurry i absolutely promise to
16:35go to a party
16:36tonight in london party but oh bertie could you do me terrific favor well yes all right take clementina
16:44back to school for me will you school
17:00oh bless you bertie you're an angel in human form well oh there is one thing one thing clementine is
17:07meant to be in bed oh you didn't come out without leave oh now look bobby oh you must learn
17:13not to fuss
17:14so bertie oh i must must i it's perfectly simple first you need a good long piece of string you
17:21know what string is don't you certainly as in string good you take the string with you and when you
17:26get
17:27to the garden clement will show you where you find the flower pots grab one of those and then go
17:30to
17:30the conservatory beside the conservatory there's a tree climb this tree and hold on i really don't
17:37have time for you to keep on interrupting bertie climb the tree tie the string onto the flower pot
17:42climb down the tree holding onto the string retire to a safe distance and then let go the flower pot
17:47drops and smashes the glass while someone comes out to investigate clem sneaks in and goes up to bed
17:52all right tree flower pot conservatory string
18:00ah jeeves
18:02so what happened to the quiet evening with an improving book i felt the need for a change of air
18:08sir ah well jeez now you'll no doubt be surprised to learn that something in the nature of hitches
18:13occurred did your proposal meet with a sympathetic ear sir no it did not jeez as a matter of fact
18:19it
18:19didn't meet with any ear at all
18:30right now as it's your night off jeeves your part of the proceedings is simplicity itself
18:34you just have to sit here and look after patrick very good sir um a thought has just occurred to
18:40me
18:40this is no time for thought jeeves come along clementina
18:53the conservatory's over there and that's where the flower pots are right well uh goodbye clementina
19:02good luck good luck thank you yes
19:12oh
19:14oh
19:16oh
19:17oh
19:18oh
19:18oh
19:18oh
19:18oh
19:18oh
19:18oh
19:19oh
19:28oh
19:52oh
19:53oh
19:57oh
19:59oh
20:09oh
20:12oh
20:13oh
20:13oh
20:13oh
20:16All right, all right, come down out of there, you.
20:33Barbara tossed her auburn curls rebelliously.
20:37Her dark eyes flashed.
20:39Her father might be only a mill hand,
20:42but she had the pride of the Ormskirks,
20:45that same pride that had prompted her grandfather,
20:47old Stanley Ormskirk, to stand firm
20:50when threatened with eviction from his humble cottage
20:53by Lord Grantchester for refusing to doff his camp.
20:59Headmistress to see the prisoner, Constable.
21:01Very good, Sarge.
21:04I am so sorry, Mr. Worcester. This is a disgrace.
21:10Oh, right.
21:10I shall be eternally grateful for the trouble you have taken.
21:15Well, you know.
21:17You have behaved with great courage.
21:19You identify this man, Miss Mapleton?
21:21Identify him? Of course I identify him.
21:25You are an imbecile officer.
21:28You have bungled this whole affair
21:30by mistaking Mr. Worcester for a burglar.
21:33He was up a tree, ma'am.
21:34Of course he was up a tree.
21:38No doubt you had climbed the tree
21:40in order to watch the better, Mr. Worcester.
21:46Er, yes. Yes, that's right, absolutely.
21:48To watch the better. Got it in one.
21:51The officer is a fool, Mr. Worcester.
21:53By this time, no doubt, thanks to his idiocy,
21:57the miscreants you spotted have made good their escape.
22:01Probably.
22:02Release, Mr. Worcester, at once, sergeant.
22:04Release this man, constable.
22:13Perhaps I should drive Miss Stapleton to the school, sir.
22:16Er, well, yes, of course.
22:17No, no, I intend to walk.
22:19Perhaps I shall catch sight of those desperados as I go.
22:23Good night, Mr. Worcester.
22:25Good night.
22:25Mr. Jeeves, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
22:32Thank you very much, ma'am.
22:34Now, Jeeves, perhaps you'll be good enough
22:35to explain to me what on earth has been going on.
22:38It occurred to me, sir,
22:39that the most judicious course of action
22:41was simply for me to ring the doorbell
22:43and request an interview with Miss Mapleton,
22:45and while the maid had gone to inform her mistress
22:47to introduce Miss Clementina into the house unobserved.
22:50And you told the old dragon
22:52that I was on my way to calling her
22:53and was now out in the garden
22:54chipping burglars with my bare hands.
22:57Precisely, sir.
22:57Oh, Jeeves, I should have been guided by you from the first.
23:00It might have spared some temporary unpleasantness, sir.
23:04Talking of which, Jeeves, you know,
23:06I've been thinking about adoption.
23:10Adoption, sir?
23:11Yes, I mean, adopting a kid.
23:13You can adopt them, you know.
23:14And it saves all this marriage malarkey.
23:17But what I want to know is how to start about it.
23:19The process, I imagine, is highly complicated and laborious, sir.
23:23It would cut into your spare time.
23:26It wouldn't cut into it half as much as marrying Miss Wickham.
23:29Oh, by the way, Jeeves,
23:29what did Miss Mapleton mean about seeing us tomorrow?
23:32In order to lend very similitude to my story, sir,
23:36I informed her that you were a renowned orator, sir,
23:39currently on a tour of the home counties.
23:43Good Lord, Jeeves.
23:44Upon learning this, Miss Mapleton was most anxious
23:48for you to address the girls of the school.
23:51I didn't like to disappoint her.
23:54What?
23:56I hope I did the right thing, sir.
24:03Girls, I have a treat in store for you this morning.
24:06One of our great public speakers
24:09has taken time from his busy schedule
24:12to address you with a few words of wisdom.
24:15Mr. Bertram Worcester.
24:20Many greetings to you.
24:24Many greetings to you.
24:26Many greetings, Mr. John.
24:30Many greetings to you.
24:35Ah, um...
24:38Well, um...
24:50Um, well...
24:53Ladies.
24:55Girls?
24:57Um, good morning.
24:59Uh, that is to say, what-oh.
25:04Uh, well...
25:06Perhaps, uh, Mr. Worcester will give you
25:09a few words of advice
25:10which may be helpful to you in afterlife.
25:14Uh, right, yes.
25:16Uh, well, um...
25:20Uh, yes, now, uh, here's something
25:22that's, uh, that's often done me a bit of good.
25:24Uh, and it's something that not many people know.
25:34Uh, yes, well, anyway, um...
25:36My Uncle Henry, uh, gave me the tip
25:38when I first came to London.
25:39Uh, never forget, my boy, he said,
25:42that, uh, that if you stand
25:43outside Romano's in the Strand,
25:45uh, you can see the clock
25:46on the wall of the law courts
25:47down in Fleet Street.
25:48Now, most people who don't know this
25:50wouldn't think it was possible
25:51because there are a couple of
25:51hefty-looking churches
25:52in the middle of the road
25:53and, uh, you'd think they'd get in the way,
25:55but they don't.
25:55You can, and, uh, it's, well,
25:57it's worth knowing.
25:58Uh, you can win a lot of money,
26:00he used to say,
26:01uh, by betting on it with fellows
26:02who, who, who haven't found it out.
26:05Uh, uh, and, uh, by Jovey,
26:07he was absolutely right.
26:08Um, it really is a thing to remember.
26:11Um, yes, many's the, many's the quid I won.
26:14Ahem.
26:15Uh, but perhaps, Mr. Worcester,
26:17a little story might be in order,
26:19some anecdote to illustrate
26:21the benefits of hard work,
26:23study, and healthy living.
26:26A story, right.
26:28Ooh, um,
26:30if I can remember stories.
26:32Uh, oh, yes, here, here, here's,
26:33here's one I heard recently.
26:34Um, uh, it, it seems that
26:37there was this chorus girl
26:38and she met this stout girl
26:40and, uh, he said to her,
26:42Thank you, Mr. Worcester,
26:44wasn't that splendid, girls.
26:46We will now sing the school song.
26:54Let's go, Dives.
26:57Your address was successful, I trust, sir?
26:59Oh, yes, yes, it went like a breeze.
27:01Ah, we're gonna move on, geez.
27:05The tall, young man
27:07smiled crookedly,
27:09lifting his oil-grimed hands
27:11in helpless apology.
27:13Myrtle's eyes flashed.
27:15She tossed her blonde curls.
27:17She was not to know
27:18that this figure in stained overalls
27:21and with a worn cloth cap
27:22set at a jaunty angle
27:24atop a head of unruly curls
27:26was the 14th Earl Strathmorenick
27:28of Strathmorenick,
27:30Lord Highkeeper of Danoon Castle
27:33and Laird of 10,000 fertile acres
27:35in his native dumb fritchire.
27:39I do trust that your experience
27:40at St. Monica's
27:41has not spoiled your taste
27:43for the adoption of young girls, sir.
27:45Well, I must confess
27:45it has given me pause, Jeeves.
27:48Am I wrong in thinking
27:49that all little girls
27:50are hard-bitten thugs
27:51of the worst description?
27:53Your definition is sadly
27:54near the truth, sir.
27:56But we must console ourselves
27:57with the thought that
27:58life without the blessings
27:59of children
28:00does have its compensations.
28:03No, Jeeves.
28:04No, no, no.
28:04Now, I'm too young
28:06to give in to such cynicism.
28:07I'm an idealist, Jeeves.
28:09Very good, sir.
28:10My sister, Mrs. Schulfield,
28:12is coming back from India soon.
28:13She's the one
28:13with the three little girls.
28:15I refuse to believe
28:16that my own kith and kin
28:17can be described
28:18as hard-bitten thugs.
28:21We worst as may have our faults,
28:22but hard-bitten thuggery
28:23has never been one of them.
28:25Well, sir.
28:26I can give up the flat
28:26and take a house
28:27for them all to come
28:28and live with us.
28:29Indeed, sir.
28:30I can be a proper uncle to them.
28:52Have you observed
28:53the large-ish corn-fed girl, Jeeves?
28:55Yes, sir.
28:56Typical tuppy fodder.
28:58Even at this distance,
28:59one can tell
29:00that his ears
29:00are distinctly pinkish.
29:09Hello, Bertie.
29:10Hello, Toppy.
29:12This is Miss Stalglish.
29:14How do you do?
29:15Hello, Mummy and Daddy
29:16are in the sitting room,
29:16I think,
29:17if you want some tea.
29:20What on earth's that?
29:23It's an Irish wolfhound.
29:24It's for you.
29:27That's no good to me.
29:29I asked for an Irish water spaniel.
29:31Well, they'd run out.
29:33Oh, really, Bertie?
29:35You coming, Hildebrand?
29:36Yes, yes.
29:37I'm just coming, Daisy.
29:44Sinister, Jeeves.
29:45You notice that the subject
29:47was looking like a stuffed frog?
29:48There is something
29:49re-nine in Mr. Glossop's aspect, sir,
29:52yes,
29:53particularly about the eyes.
29:55Precisely, Jeeves.
29:56I think our fears are justified.
29:57The thing seems serious.
30:02Have you Angela at all, tuppy?
30:03No, I have not.
30:05And I have no wish
30:06to hear from a little blighter.
30:08Yeah.
30:09Angela's awfully fond of you,
30:10you know.
30:11Oh, is she indeed?
30:12Well, she's got
30:13a dash-funny way
30:13of showing it.
30:14Yes, well,
30:15they do have, tuppy.
30:16They don't like us.
30:18In passing, Elboy,
30:19what did you want
30:20with a water spaniel?
30:21I wanted to give it to Daisy.
30:24Look, Bertie,
30:26I might as well tell you,
30:28I'm in love at last.
30:30It's the real thing.
30:31Oh, how different she is, Bertie,
30:34from those hothouse,
30:35artificial London girls.
30:37I mean,
30:37would they stand
30:38all afternoon in the mud
30:39watching a rugger match?
30:40Would they know
30:41what to give an Alsatian
30:42for fits?
30:43I mean,
30:43would they tramp
30:44ten miles a day
30:45across the fields
30:46and come back
30:46as fresh as paint?
30:47No.
30:49Why should they?
30:51You wouldn't understand, Bertie.
30:54Anyway,
30:55she set her heart
30:56on an Irish water spaniel.
30:57It's a dash-nuisance
30:58you couldn't get one.
30:59Oh, give her your rugger boots.
31:01Oh, by the way,
31:02what did you want them for?
31:04Look,
31:04I happen to be playing
31:05in a match tomorrow.
31:07Upper Bleaching
31:07versus Hockley-cum-Meston.
31:10Well, Daisy was rather keen
31:11that I help Upper Bleaching out.
31:13Oh.
31:14So you'll be playing for Hockley.
31:18Very funny.
31:20No, it's not like
31:21an ordinary rugger match.
31:22In fact,
31:23it's not really rugby at all.
31:25Apart from anything else,
31:26they play in the middle of summer
31:27and the two villages
31:28absolutely loathe each other.
31:30And the rules are a bit more,
31:32well,
31:33relaxed.
31:34It started long
31:35before rugby was invented.
31:36First game was played
31:38in Henry VIII's time,
31:39you know.
31:40Lasted from noon
31:41till sunset
31:42and seven players
31:43were killed.
31:45Killed?
31:46And two spectators.
31:48Oh, but it's not like
31:49that anymore, Daddy.
31:50Three years
31:51since anybody actually died,
31:53isn't it?
31:53Yes, I know.
31:55Still,
31:55damn good fun, though.
31:57Hildiband's going to be
31:58the hero of the village.
32:05Eileen tossed her dark curls
32:07scornfully.
32:09Perhaps she did only work
32:10in a cigarette shop.
32:11Perhaps her dress was
32:13thin, cheap,
32:14cotton,
32:14and patched and worn, too.
32:17Nevertheless,
32:18she had her pride.
32:19The name Ormerod
32:21was an old one.
32:22Since time immemorial,
32:24there had been Ormerods
32:25in Blackchester.
32:26What did she care
32:27for the Physacolys
32:29with their fancy ways?
32:41The citizenry
32:42of other bleachings
32:43seem to look forward
32:43to this match each year.
32:44He has a chance
32:45to settle old scores
32:46with a neighbouring village.
32:48A common enough circumstance
32:49in the sporting world, sir?
32:51Yes, so he must act swiftly
32:52in order to save Tuppy.
32:53He refuses to do
32:54the sensible thing
32:55and slide out
32:56because the girl
32:57will be watching the game
32:58and he says it'll make him
32:59feel like a knight of old
33:00jousting under the eyes
33:01of his lady.
33:02It does sound like
33:03an acute case, sir.
33:05Yes, so we must employ
33:06Dial.
33:07You'll go to London
33:08first thing in the morning,
33:09Jeeves,
33:09and send a telegram
33:10signed Angela
33:11which will read
33:12as follows.
33:16What would a girl say,
33:17Jeeves,
33:18who, having had a row
33:19with the bird
33:19she was engaged to
33:20because he said
33:21that she looked like
33:21a raccoon in her new hat,
33:22wanted to extend
33:24the olive branch?
33:25If I might suggest, sir,
33:27I fancy the following
33:28as from Miss Angela's
33:29mother might meet the case.
33:31Return immediately,
33:33Angela seriously ill
33:35and delirious,
33:36calling your name
33:37piteously
33:38and saying something
33:39about you being
33:40right about the hat.
33:42Catch the earliest
33:43possible train,
33:44Dalio Travers.
33:46Yes, well done, Jeeves,
33:48yes.
33:49Just one more
33:49spot of devilish cunning.
33:51Send it off
33:52in time for it to arrive
33:53at 2.30.
33:54By then,
33:55Toppy will have
33:55started for the ground.
33:56I'll take it down
33:57and hand it to him
33:57during some lull
33:58in the battle.
33:59By that time,
34:00he'll have discovered
34:01what sort of rugged match
34:02she's in for.
34:17Come on!
34:20Good luck, Hilderband!
34:22I'm doing it for you, Daisy!
34:36I'm doing it for you, Daisy!
35:06You've got anyone
35:06called Glossop?
35:08Got an urgent telegram?
35:19Good afternoon, sir.
35:20Telegram for Glossop.
35:21Yes, thank you.
35:22I'll take it.
35:47Where do you think
35:48you're going, Shorty?
35:49Look!
35:58Mr. Glossop's
35:59also brave, isn't he?
36:00He's a damn fool.
36:02Go on!
36:03Go on!
36:05Go on!
36:07Come on!
36:07Come on!
36:09Come on!
36:13Come on!
36:14Come on!
36:15Come on!
36:16Come on!
36:16Come on!
36:17Come on!
36:17Come on!
36:17Come on!
36:18Come on!
36:19Come on!
36:21Come on!
36:35Come on!
36:39How's it going?
36:47Oh, gosh, I left it at the house.
36:49Oh, it doesn't matter.
36:51No, but it does.
36:52I mean, it probably does.
36:53It's probably something you ought to read at once.
36:55If I were you, I'd just say a few quick words of farewell to the murder squad
36:58and come back to the house right away.
37:00Do you think I'm going to sneak away under her very eyes?
37:04Good God.
37:06Besides, I'm not leaving the field
37:07until I've thoroughly disemboweled that blonde-haired bounder.
37:11Do you notice the way he keeps on tackling me when I haven't got the ball?
37:14Isn't that right?
37:18Of course it's not right!
37:20Well, I'll tell you one thing.
37:23A bitter retribution awaits that bird, Bertie.
37:27From now on, I'm going to assert my personality.
37:32No, Tubby, I really think you ought to come and read the telegram.
37:51Come on!
37:53Come on, Hilderran!
37:56Tubby!
37:57Come on!身
37:59sacじゃない! He
38:00goes! Come
38:01on, man! He
38:03goes! Come
38:04on! Come
38:04on, friend!
38:15It's a try! It's a try!
38:19I scored!
38:22I'm sure it's well scored!
38:31First time anyone's scored since 1883!
38:42Bertie!
38:43Hello, Bingo! What are you doing here?
38:45I can't stop.
38:49Bertie, you've got to come back to London with me.
38:51Why?
38:55You've got to have lunch with my uncle tomorrow.
38:57Why should I have lunch with your uncle?
39:00Because he wants you to.
39:02Me? He doesn't know I exist.
39:04Oh, yes he does. I've told him about you.
39:06What have you told him?
39:07Oh, various things.
39:12Where's Daisy?
39:13She's not here, old chap.
39:15Had to go to London.
39:16I'll tell her you were asking.
39:19Well played, by the by.
39:20What did she go to London for?
39:22Well, she got this message.
39:28Jeeves!
39:28Jeeves!
39:28You're back!
39:29Yes, sir.
39:30I arrived shortly after the second half, well in time to see Mr. Glossop score his try.
39:35Try?
39:36Oh, my gosh, Jeeves!
39:38Well, that means we've failed.
39:40Miss Dalgleish will be all over him, calling him a hero.
39:42I doubt that so.
39:44Really, Jeeves?
39:45I say, Jeeves, that wheeze of yours of reading to my uncle was an absolute cocker.
39:49Thank you, sir.
39:51Excuse me.
39:52Excuse me.
39:53Tuffy!
39:54What happened?
39:54I've broken my leg.
39:55That's what's happened.
39:56And she wasn't even there.
39:58Hello, Tuffy.
39:59Haven't seen you for ages.
40:01I've met this most wonderful girl, Tuffy.
40:03If Mabel her name is...
40:04I mean, you wouldn't believe how beautiful she is.
40:09I've swept myself to the boat first.
40:12I allow a mob of homicidal lunatics to kick me in the ribs and stroll about all over my face.
40:17And what do I find?
40:18She hasn't even bothered to say to the end of the game.
40:21Mabel's very fond of football.
40:22Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
40:24She gets a message from someone in London who tells her he's got an Irish water spaniel for sale.
40:29So, of course, up she pops in her car, leaving me flat.
40:32Mabel's brother plays for Woolwich Arsenal, as a matter of fact.
40:38Oh, thank you, Jeeves.
40:40Might I inquire, sir, are we proposing to return to the Metropolis tomorrow?
40:44Oh, yes, I think so.
40:47Any particular reason?
40:49I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon that I'm anxious not to miss, sir.
40:54It was you, wasn't it, Jeeves?
40:56Sir?
40:56Who told Miss, er, what's her ballet name, about the alleged water spaniel?
41:01Yes, sir.
41:02Yes, I thought I detected the touch.
41:04You knew she'd go buzzing out to London and miss the game?
41:07Yes, sir.
41:07Yes, and you knew how tough he would react.
41:09If there's one thing that gives a jousting knight the pip,
41:12it's having his audience walk out on him.
41:15Very true, sir.
41:23Look!
41:24There she is, see?
41:26Now she's got her blasted Irish water spaniel, she can't even be bothered to say goodbye to me.
41:32Open the door!
41:37Do you know she had the almighty gall to come and visit me in hospital last night?
41:42Did I ever tell you about the time Mabel and I went to the races at Sandown?
41:46I mean, all she could talk about was that blasted animal!
41:48Oddly beast, if you ask my opinion.
41:51Mabel would never do that.
41:52Mabel and I have a code.
41:54But to think I fancied I loved a girl like that.
41:56I mean, a perfect life partner she'd make, I don't think.
41:59I mean, if you married a girl like that, she'd be bringing you home to Siberian Eelhound before you knew
42:03it.
42:08Oh, Tubby, I forgot to give you your telegram.
42:15Oh, what a wonderful girl she is!
42:18Who's that, Tubby?
42:20Well, Angela, of course.
42:21Oh, really?
42:22Oh, she understands me, Bertie.
42:25Understands me like no other girl in the world!
42:34What I can't understand, Bingo, is why your uncle should ask a fellow to lunch something he's never seen.
42:39Well, to tell you the truth, Bertie, I want you to spring the news on him about my marrying Mabel.
42:44Having the nerve myself.
42:45What hang if I do?
42:50Good morning, Mr. Little.
42:51His lordship is expecting you.
42:53No, now, if you think that...
42:56Mr. Worcester, I am proud, I am gratified, I am honoured.
43:00Oh, ah, so young to have accomplished so much.
43:05Well, we know.
43:06Here's where we can talk properly over luncheon.
43:10Miss Watson has prepared a very special repast.
43:12Oh, Richard, little Margaret will be having lunch for us.
43:15I hope you don't mind.
43:16I just go and fetch her.
43:21What's he talking about?
43:22Oh, Margaret's my little cousin. She's all right.
43:24No, no, I mean about me having accomplished something, rather.
43:27I haven't accomplished anything.
43:29Have I?
43:29The fact is, Bertie, I know you won't mind.
43:33I told him you were the author of those books I've been reading to him.
43:37What?
43:38I said Rosie M. Banks was your pen name.
43:40He'll listen to you now, absolutely hang on your words.
43:43Pitch it strong, Bertie, and keep steadily before you the fact that my allowance must be raised.
43:51What amazes me, Mr. Worcester, is that a man so young as you should be able to plumb human nature
43:56so surely to its depths.
43:58To play with so unerring a hand upon the quivering heartstrings of your reader.
44:04Oh, just a knack.
44:08How many words are there in a novel, Mr. Worcester?
44:12Words?
44:14I never count.
44:15Just let it all come, that's what I say.
44:18Well, how many are there on a page?
44:21On a page?
44:24Well, 20 or 30.
44:26I mean, depends on the page.
44:29About 200.
44:32About a thousand, more or less.
44:34I mean, on a single page, you mean?
44:36Yes, about 10,000.
44:39I mean, that would be one of the bigger pages.
44:42Um, have you got a book handy?
44:45It's not important, Mr. Worcester.
44:47What is important, Margaret, is Mr. Worcester's splendid defiance of the outworn fetishes of a purblind social system.
44:54In the magnificent words of Lord Batchmore in, um, Only a Factory Girl.
44:58Be her origins ne'er so humble, a good woman is equal to the finest lady on earth.
45:07Ah, so you think it's all right for a chap in what you might call a certain social position to
45:12marry a girl of what you might call the lower classes?
45:15Oh, assuredly, Mr. Worcester.
45:18Bingo wants to marry a waitress.
45:20Richard?
45:23I honour you.
45:25You don't object?
45:26On the contrary.
45:28Well, I, I, I, I hope you don't think I'm butting in here, but, uh, his allowance for all that,
45:32he was, he was rather hoping that you might see your way clear to jerking up the total a bit.
45:35Oh, I fear that can hardly be managed.
45:37It would not be fair to my wife.
45:40But you're not married, uncle?
45:42Not yet, but I intend to enter that holy state almost immediately.
45:44Under the influence of Mr. Worcester's splendid books, I have persuaded Miss Watson, the lady who for so many years
45:50has cooked so wonderfully for me, to accept my hand in marriage.
46:06A nice crusty stick, too.
46:09Oh!
46:16It's wild.
46:22Oh.
46:22Sally!
46:39You know what, Giggs?
46:42No, sir.
46:43This is jolly nice.
46:44I mean, looking at the clock and...
46:47wondering if you're going to be late for the good old drinks
46:49and then you coming in with a tray always exactly all the time
46:52and shoving it down on the table
46:54and then biffing off
46:55and then the next night
46:56coming in, shoving it down, biffing off
46:58and then the next night
47:00gives you a sort of safe, restful feeling.
47:03Soothing, that's the word.
47:04It is soothing, isn't it, sir?
47:08Nevertheless, Jeeves,
47:09I must ask you to brace up and bite the bullet.
47:12I'm afraid I have bad news for you, Jeeves.
47:14That scheme of yours about reading those books to Bingo's uncle,
47:17well, I'm afraid it's blown out of hues.
47:20They did not soften him, sir?
47:22They did, Jeeves.
47:23That's the whole ballet problem.
47:24I'm sorry to say that your fiancée, Miss Watson,
47:26you know, the cook.
47:28Well, the long and the short of it is, Jeeves,
47:30that she appears to have chosen riches
47:32instead of honest worth, if you know what I mean.
47:35Sir?
47:36Well, she has handed you the mitten
47:38and gone off and got engaged to Lord Bittlesham.
47:41Indeed, sir.
47:43Well, you don't seem very upset, Jeeves.
47:45To tell the truth, sir,
47:47I was not wholly averse
47:48to the severance of my relations with Miss Watson.
47:51I respect Miss Watson exceedingly,
47:53but I have seen for some time
47:54that she and I were not suited.
47:57Now, the other young person
47:59with whom I have an understanding.
48:00Good Lord, Jeeves.
48:02There isn't another.
48:03Yes, sir.
48:04By an odd coincidence, sir,
48:07it is the same young person
48:09in whom Mr. Little has been so interested.
48:12What, Mabel?
48:13Yes, sir.
48:15Good Lord, Jeeves.
48:19Well, poor old Bingo.
48:23Shall I contact the estate agents tomorrow, sir?
48:27Estate agents, Jeeves?
48:28I understood that it was your intention
48:30to take a house of sufficient size
48:32for Mrs. Schofield
48:34and her three young ladies to live with you.
48:36Oh, no, no.
48:37Hold on.
48:37No, that's all off, Jeeves.
48:38Young ladies?
48:40Fiends, Jeeves.
48:41Fiends, every one of them.
48:42How they ever grow up
48:43into those adorable creatures
48:45that we know and love,
48:46I cannot fathom.
48:47Now I shall continue
48:48the monk-like existence
48:50which has characterized
48:51my life hitherto.
48:52Very good, sir.
48:54Oh, perhaps another
48:54small whiskey and soda
48:56might be called for.
48:57Very good, sir.
49:28Alldin' thing I love...
49:31I have told a lot of amenities
49:34to get in the laranja
49:34that we need.
49:34I just want to set up
49:34to be seen in my life.
49:39to tailor
49:44over
49:46I love you.
50:16You
Comments