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Jeeves and Wooster S03E02 The Full House
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00:00I love you
00:52New York City is dead!
01:00The damn level, hellish, vile, corrupt, iniquitous, black-hearted, weasel-y gang that is the liquor business killed it!
01:21Now! Now seize the day!
01:26Jimmy Mundy is here to take New York by the scruff of its dirty neck and make it hit the
01:33trail of salvation!
01:35Hallelujah!
01:37Hallelujah!
01:43Be! Be! Be! Be! Be!
01:49The past is dead. Tomorrow is not born! Be today! Be! Be!
02:04Be!
02:05The tango and the box trot didn't kill New York brothers and sisters.
02:10The bootleg hoos and the jazz music didn't kill it.
02:16But damn what is going to bring New York down, down, down, down, down!
02:24Down to the bottomless pit of hell!
02:28Be! Be! Be! Today!
02:31Yeah.
02:32This is good!
02:34You're gonna be seen, New York sisters.
02:37Whether you like it or whether you don't,
02:40This means you!
03:11Jolly invigorating there, Jeeves. Most enlightening, sir.
03:15Uh, you got another cable waiting for you, Mr. Worcester.
03:18Cable?
03:18I never did see a person get so many cables. Come about six o'clock.
03:26Hmm. But it was stuma, this, Jeeves. Come at once, situation desperate, Rocky.
03:30Is there any indication of what the desperate situation might be?
03:34Not a hint, Jeeves. Nor of who Rocky is. It was a mystery, eh?
03:36West Neck?
03:37Does the missive say, whence the communication came?
03:41Uh, West Neck, Long Island.
03:44Perhaps I might make the suggestion, sir, that it comes from Mr. Rockman Taylor Todd, the poet.
03:48Good Lord, Jeeves. You're right, old Rocky. Well, well, well.
03:52Desperate situation, eh? Poor old Rocky.
03:54Still, tomorrow morning, I think, don't you?
03:57As you say, sir.
04:10Thank you, Cabin.
04:11By the way, Jeeves, on no account, let me agree to us staying here overnight.
04:15Very good, sir. Might want to inquire why.
04:17Because, Jeeves, of all the places on this great planet of ours,
04:20West Neck, Long Island has been chosen to be the most unexciting.
04:23The last time anything remotely interesting happened here was in 1842 when a tree fell over.
04:27We still talk about it in a village.
04:37Bertie! I knew you wouldn't let me down!
04:40Listen to this! Just listen to this!
04:44Wait a minute, wait a minute!
04:46What?
04:46Can't a chap hang up his hat before he's red, too?
04:48Oh, look, never mind about hats. This is important.
04:50My dear Rockman Taylor, you know how all my life I have longed to visit New York
04:54and see for myself the wonderful gay life of which I have read so much.
04:58I fear that now it will be impossible for me to fulfill my dreams.
05:02What do you make of it so far, Jeeves?
05:04Its meaning seems a little obscure at present, sir.
05:06Perhaps one might inquire from whom the letter derives, Mr. Todd.
05:09My Aunt Isabel, of course.
05:11I am old and worn out. I seem to have no strength left in me.
05:15Sad, Jeeves. What?
05:16Extremely affecting, sir.
05:17Sad nothing! She's bursting with health!
05:19She's got this fixed idea that a trip to New York would kill her.
05:22So, though it's been her ambition all her life to go there, she stays where she is.
05:26Rather like the chap whose heart was in the highlands of chasing the deer, Jeeves.
05:29Can I get on with this?
05:31So, I have decided that if I cannot enjoy the marvels of the city myself,
05:35I can at least enjoy them through you.
05:37As you know, you will have all my money when I am gone,
05:39but I have decided now to send you a substantial sum of money each month.
05:44Well, this is good news, Rocky.
05:45On one condition.
05:47My condition is that you live in New York,
05:51and plunge into the gay, prismatic life of the city as I have always wanted to do.
05:56Above all, I want you to write me letters at least once a week,
06:00giving me a full description of what you're doing so that I may enjoy second-hand,
06:04what my wretched health prevents me from enjoying myself.
06:09Your affectionate Aunt Isabelle Rachmateller.
06:13What on earth am I going to do?
06:19But, Rocky, New York's going to be packed with theatres and late-night reviews.
06:22Good Lord, I just have to dress for dinner every night.
06:25I won't do it. I can't do it.
06:27Do you realize I don't usually get out of my pajamas till five in the afternoon,
06:31and then I just put on a sweater like this?
06:33Don't listen, Jeeves.
06:36Jeeves?
06:38Jeeves?
06:39I'm sorry, Jeeves.
06:40You shouldn't have heard that.
06:43I should be better directly, sir.
06:45But, Rocky, why can't you just write to your aunt and explain?
06:47I could if I wanted her to get round to her lawyers in two quick leaps
06:51and cut me out of her will.
06:53What do you suggest, Jeeves?
06:54Well, sir, if Mr. Todd adheres to his expressed intention of remaining in the country,
06:59then it seems to me that the only possibility is for Mr. Todd to secure the services of a second
07:02party
07:03to gather the actual experiences,
07:05and these could be conveyed to him in the shape of a careful report
07:08upon which it would be possible to base the substance of the suggested correspondence.
07:13Could he make it a little clearer, Bertie?
07:16I thought at the beginning it was going to make sense, but it kind of flickered.
07:19Yes, well, it takes a bit of getting used to.
07:20What he's saying, Rocky, is that you need someone to go round the town for you
07:22and take a few notes.
07:23You then work the notes up into letters.
07:25Oh, do it!
07:25Ah, well, that's the...
07:28Bickey!
07:28Why?
07:29Bickey Bickersteth!
07:43What?
07:46What do you want?
07:47Good afternoon, madam.
07:48Aren't you good afternoon?
07:50Me?
07:50I'm a respectable woman.
07:51I have no reason to doubt it, madam.
07:53We are calling upon Mr. Bickeysteth.
07:55Next floor up.
07:57hey big fella you're kind of cute the way you talk madam is too kind if you want to come
08:05in
08:05and split a beer anytime well i shall most certainly bear your generous invitation in
08:10mind if i'm in the vicinity good afternoon madam you seem to have made a bit of a chorus there
08:17thank you sir ah they're pretty earning the daily rule and buffer so hard at it biggie what oh no
08:26no
08:26no i was just writing to my father i seem to spend most of my time doing that with respect
08:30sir if you
08:30were to take the bull by the horns and inform your father that you were in new york and not
08:34colorado
08:35i can't so something i don't know about yes my father hang on how do you know about all this
08:41chiefs and i chanced to meet his grace's butler before we left england sir he informed me that
08:46he had happened to overhear his grace speaking to you on the matter what's all this his grace
08:50business your father bishop or something bicky mr bickersteth's father is the duke of chiswick
08:54sir duke i didn't know that doesn't that mean you want to be lord something or other yes i could
08:59be
08:59but i don't really like to call myself that anyway then the old boy turfed me out he said that
09:03i was
09:03a brainless nincompoop and the idea was to pack me off to some blighted locality by the name of colorado
09:08where they'd teach me uh farming and ranching whatever it is they call it anyway i really
09:13couldn't stick it there so i came here instead i couldn't exactly tell the old man that otherwise
09:16he'd cut off my alliance so you have to write to him pretending you're still in colorado quite
09:22one burger medium one rare and one ham and eggs over easy you want to shake with that
09:29thank you no i shall just sit here quietly i think is he being funny no he always talks like
09:37that she
09:37means do you want a milkshake jeeves oh um thank you no a cup of coffee if you please you
09:43got it
09:45don't think i have however um if you'll pardon me for saying so mr bickersteth it is not that your
09:51father particularly wishes you to be in colorado were you to inform him that you were involved in
09:56a successful venture it would not matter to him where that venture had its base you mean i could
10:01tell him that i've left colorado because i've got some terrific business going on in new york
10:04something of the kind sir yes anyway micky uh fascinating as all that is it isn't what
10:09jeeves and i came to see you about we've come to offer you a job oh well paid i hope
10:13wait till you
10:14hear what it is all you have to do is to go to as many parties nightclubs restaurants theaters
10:19racetracks as you can all expenses paid and write a short report on these activities for a friend of mine
10:25and get paid as well and be paid for it as well there's no catch two shakes and a coffee
10:30for the big
10:31fella thank you say you're pretty cute you know that thank you so i have been informed you really
10:40slay me
10:45jeeves you seem to have a fatal fascination for the women of this country yes it is a problem
10:49sir there's no chance of your switching it off or something i suppose i regret not sir i have to
10:54learn
10:54to bear it as do the rest of us jeeves now bicky about this painting the town red when can
10:59you start
10:59you think oh um well let me see you when did you have in mind then well you sort of
11:04hoped you could
11:04start tonight oh no i can't do that i've got a novel to write before that and three short stories
11:09finish now i couldn't possibly do it blast
11:17this is very frustrating jeeves surely there must be somebody who is willing to sacrifice himself
11:22on the altar of new york's nightlife jeeves sir
11:30jeeves hello no i mean jeeves you could do it good heavens why didn't we think of that before
11:36one doesn't like to push oneself forward sir
11:41my dearest antrock meteller how can i ever thank you enough for giving me the opportunity
11:47to live in this astounding city new york seems more wonderful every day i was out with some of
11:53the crowd of the midnight revels the other night everyone was there oscar hammerstein looked in about
11:58one o'clock and got off a good story about flo ziekfeld billy burke looked upset she's very
12:04protective towards flow the show at the revels is wonderful i'm enclosing a program tuesday night a
12:11few of us went around to the prolix on the roof b lily gave us her impression of president hoover
12:16in
12:16the bathroom a muted performance since mrs hoover was hovering nearby i thought i was in for a quiet
12:23night last night but fate decreed otherwise i ran into a few friends and they took me along to the
12:2825
12:29it was thilmer gautier's birthday so of course we all had to wear hats doug fairbanks did all sorts of
12:35stunts and made us raw on screen or off he really is a most energetic fellow and full of charm
12:41mary pickford wasn't with him last night but she kindly sent me her regards
12:46and so to harlem the music is astounding my piano lessons with miss bultitude are really paying dividends
12:53although willie the lion smith says i've still got to work on my left hand the new show at the
12:59apollo
13:00is even better than the last but dancing superb and josephine baker really cooking with gas in the
13:06tepsichorean department home at 3 30. it's odd but even with only three or four hours sleep i never seem
13:13to
13:13get tired the finest musicians in the land find their way to 52nd street the skill and versatility of some
13:23of
13:23them is enough to take your breath away cole porter's new musical the gay divorce opened last
13:33night the party afterwards was almost as good as the show itself and of course everybody who is anybody
13:38was there i danced with an up-and-coming young actress called bet davis who asked me to go out
13:43to the coast and try my luck in movies but i don't think so coley looked tired he told george
13:50burns and
13:50told me that rehearsals for the show have been really difficult but like myself he really thrives
13:56on the noise and excitement and sheer energy that is manhattan i must stop now pardon my english
14:03opens tonight and i promise me i'll be there your affectionate nephew rocky
14:32i had the most extraordinary fellow playing the piano like this at the olex club on 52nd street it's
14:37called pine tops boogie woogie indeed sir by the late mr clarence pine top smith you've heard of it
14:44jeeves oh indeed sir i was fortunate enough to attend the performance of that item by mr meath luxe
14:50lewis at jack and charlie's 21 only a few nights ago he also gave us a spirited rendition of honky
14:56tonk train blues uh most stimulating composition i do think i know that one oh if you'd like me to
15:02demonstrate sir by all means
15:31the chiefs
15:33Er, indeed, no, sir. A party officer attending a sporting occasion.
15:42I have not yet touched on the sporting scene in New York,
15:45but the sports fanatic is certainly well catered for.
15:48And in baseball, basketball and the roller derby,
15:51the spirit of fair play itself is exemplified.
15:54May the best man win, is the cry.
16:08Good morning, sir.
16:11I have the distinct feeling that I've only been asleep for ten minutes, Jeeves. What time is it?
16:14Seven o'clock, sir.
16:16Seven o'clock? Did I ask to be waker than three and a half hours before breakfast?
16:19I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Bickersteth is here, sir.
16:22He said it is a matter of the direst emergency.
16:33Bicky Earl Top, I'm not, generally speaking, a man to complain.
16:36Oh, Bertie, thank God.
16:38I'm in the most frightful trouble. I don't know what to do.
16:41My father's arriving this morning.
16:44Bicky, did you get me up at this ungodly hour,
16:46mainly to keep me up to date with your family's social engagement?
16:48No, you ass.
16:49I wrote to my father, as Jeeves suggested,
16:52telling him that I'd dropped into rather good business weeds here in New York,
16:54and that I decided to sort of chuck in the ranch I did.
16:57Yes, yes, yes, yes.
16:58Well, now he says he's coming to stay with me.
17:00Well, what's wrong with that?
17:01Oh, everything's wrong with it.
17:03I've given him the impression that I'm living here in pretty good style.
17:05I can't have him coming to stay with me in my boarding house.
17:08Well, let him stay in a hotel, then.
17:09He won't.
17:10He isn't coming to stay with me out of family affection.
17:12He's coming to stay with me because it is free,
17:14and he is the biggest cheapskate alive.
17:18What am I going to do?
17:20Well, I don't know. What's he going to do, Jeeves?
17:21To what extent, sir, if the question is not a delicate one,
17:25are you prepared to assist Mr. Bickersteth?
17:27Well, I'll do everything I can, of course.
17:30Then if I might make the suggestion, sir,
17:32you might lend Mr. Bickersteth this flat.
17:35What?
17:36Mr. Bickersteth could give his grace the impression that he was the owner of it.
17:41And, with your permission, sir, I could convey the notion
17:43that I was in Mr. Bickersteth's employ and not in yours.
17:47Well, what about me?
17:48You would be residing here temporarily, sir, as Mr. Bickersteth's guest.
17:52I say, Bertie, I really couldn't impose on you like that.
17:55No, well...
17:56I really don't know how to thank you enough, Bertie.
17:58Sir, how do we proceed, then, Jeeves?
18:00His grace's ship does not dock until ten o'clock, sir.
18:04I would advocate the dispatching of a wireless message to his grace on board the vessel,
18:08notifying him of your change of address.
18:10You could then meet him at the dock and return here directly.
18:13Would that meet the situation, sir?
18:26No!
18:27No!
18:27Have to do the reminder to Claire Cutler
18:29before entering New York City
18:32For a first-person to Tier 77,
18:36all of us here in the 8th!
18:51Two dollars, that's iniquitous.
18:54Why?
18:55A journey of that length should cost a shilling no more.
18:58A what?
18:59From London docks to my house in Barclays Square, one shilling.
19:02Yes, where?
19:04Well, I helped all, sir.
19:06This fellow is charging me eight shillings.
19:08What are you, some kind of cheapskate?
19:12You must be the Duke of Chiswick.
19:14Are you a newspaper man?
19:16No, no, I'm Bertie Worcester, friend of your son's.
19:19Thank God. Those reporters get in everywhere.
19:22Look, be a good chap and give this fellow what he wants, will you?
19:24I don't understand their money.
19:27I'll settle with him later.
19:31How much?
19:33Eight shillings.
19:34Eight shillings for a cab drive of a mile and a half.
19:37I swear it was only a mile and a half.
19:42Here you go, sir.
19:49How much did you give that man?
19:51Ma'am?
19:52For bringing the bags in.
19:53Oh, I gave him a quarter, I think.
19:55That's a whole shilling.
19:57Is it?
19:58Is it?
19:58Good heavens above, man, don't you know?
20:01I don't really.
20:03Ah, Jeeves.
20:04This is Jeeves, sir.
20:04My, um, uh, Bickey's valet.
20:07Is there anything I can get, Your Grace?
20:09A manservant.
20:10My son employs a manservant?
20:12Oh, yes, absolutely.
20:13Yes.
20:14I say, would you, uh, would you care for a cup of tea?
20:16Uh, Jeeves?
20:17Oh, uh, Jeeves, bring some tea, would you?
20:18Very good, Mr. Worcester.
20:21This luxurious flat, does it belong to my son, Francis?
20:24Oh, yes, yes, absolutely.
20:26Yes, I'm, I'm just staying here at the moment.
20:27You know, I don't normally live here.
20:30It's terribly expensive.
20:31It is.
20:32I mean, I, I don't know that, of course.
20:34I'm just a guest.
20:36Uh, but, you know, everything costs a lot over here.
20:37No.
20:39This is a terrible country, Mr. Worcester.
20:41Terrible country.
20:42Oh, I don't know.
20:44Got its points.
20:46Have you any idea how much my son pays for this flat, Mr. Worcester?
20:49Oh, well, I don't know that, of course.
20:51Uh, because I'm a guest.
20:53Uh, but about $500 a month, I think.
20:57A hundred pounds a month?
20:59Well, he's doing awfully well now, you know, Bicky.
21:02I imagine that in the past, he may have seemed like something of a chump.
21:04Uh, but that's all quite different now.
21:07Oh, look, cigarettes.
21:08Uh, the fact is that New York often bucks fellows up
21:11and makes them show a flash of speed that you wouldn't have thought them capable of.
21:14Uh, something in the air, I don't say.
21:15I'm amazed.
21:19Do you know the nature of my son's business, Mr. Worcester?
21:23The nature of it?
21:24Hmm?
21:25Ah.
21:26Well, um, oh, just sort of, how can I put it?
21:30Uh, business, don't you know?
21:31Uh, the same sort of thing that, uh, Rockefeller and all those coves do.
21:36Uh, well, not exactly the same, of course, but, uh,
21:39oh, good heavens, is that the time?
21:40Um, well, I'm awfully sorry to leave you, sir,
21:43but I've got to see a few of the lads elsewhere, so, uh, toodaloo.
21:56My dear Aunt Isabel,
21:58I was very surprised to get your letters saying
22:00that you don't want me to write any more reports on New York nightlife.
22:04I thought you were enjoying them.
22:06I've certainly enjoyed writing them.
22:08I only hope this doesn't indicate any further deterioration in your health.
22:14Your affectionate nephew, Rocky.
22:24Oh, good to see you, sir.
22:29Well, jeeps, how are things going?
22:32Where is everybody?
22:33Bickey, the Duke of Bickey?
22:34His Grace desired to see some of the sights of the city, sir.
22:38I expect Mr. Bickey, sir, that's pretty bucked with the way things are going, what?
22:41Not altogether, sir, no.
22:43Oh, what's the trouble now?
22:44The scheme which I took the liberty of suggesting to Mr. Bickey's death
22:47has, unfortunately, not answered entirely satisfactorily, sir.
22:52Well, surely the Duke thinks that Bickey's doing well in business,
22:54all that sort of thing?
22:55Oh, indeed, sir,
22:56with the result that he has decided to cancel Mr. Bickey's death's monthly annuity
23:00on the grounds that he no longer requires pecuniary assistance.
23:03What?
23:05Great scotch, jeeps, this is awful.
23:08Well, poor old Bickey.
23:10I shall have to lie down and rest the bean for an hour as well, jeeps.
23:13There is much to think about here.
23:14Very good, sir.
23:24Whatever they're selling, do you tell them we have an ample supply already?
23:27Certainly, sir.
23:29Good afternoon.
23:30Good afternoon.
23:32Good afternoon.
23:36Miss Rock Metella, sir.
23:39Miss who?
23:40Rock Metella.
23:44Well, his aunt!
23:46Are you Mr. Cole Porter?
23:48No.
23:49Mr. Florence Ziegfeld?
23:51No.
23:52Well, you must be somebody.
23:53Well, I am.
23:54I'm Bertie Worcester.
23:55Is that somebody?
23:56Well, uh...
23:57I don't recall Rock Metella mentioning you in his letters.
24:01Rock Metella writes such wonderful letters.
24:03His descriptions of life in the metropolis
24:06evoked such excitement in me
24:08that I experienced a miraculous cure.
24:11Where is Rock Metella?
24:14Ah, well, um...
24:16Where is Mr. Rock Metella, jeeps?
24:17Do we know?
24:18If you recall, sir,
24:19Mr. Rock Metella went out in the automobile
24:20with a party earlier this afternoon.
24:22So he did.
24:23So he did, yes.
24:24He gave us to understand
24:25that he might be somewhat late in returning, sir.
24:39You seem very much at home here, young man.
24:42Are you a great friend of Rock Metella's?
24:44Oh, yes.
24:45Rather, yes.
24:46Well, you need to be.
24:47The way you treat his apartment
24:49as if it were your own.
24:51Why do you keep opening and closing your mouth like that?
24:55Are you ill?
24:57Who should I have some tea?
25:00Ah, jeeps.
25:02She seems to have got it into her head
25:03that this place belongs to Mr. Todd.
25:05Yes, sir.
25:06If you remember,
25:07we agreed that Mr. Todd's letters to his aunt
25:09describing the joys of New York
25:11should be addressed from this apartment
25:13in order that Mr. Todd should be able to possess
25:15a central residence.
25:16Well, it's blasted awkward, jeeps.
25:18She seems to look upon me
25:19as someone who hangs around Mr. Todd
25:21touching him for free meals
25:22and borrowing his shirt.
25:23Most disturbing, sir.
25:24And what if the duke comes back?
25:26She thinks it's Rocky's apartment.
25:27He thinks it's Bickey's.
25:28One must hope for the best, sir.
25:30Heart within and God our head
25:32seem to be required by these circumstances.
25:36Hmm.
25:43Jeeps!
25:43She's not here.
25:44She's disappeared.
25:46Well, perhaps it was just a dream.
25:48Trick of the light.
25:49Mr.
25:50What is your name again?
25:52What are you doing in there?
25:54I beg your pardon?
25:56What I mean to say,
25:56that's a bedroom.
25:58I can see that perfectly well for myself,
26:00Mr.
26:01Worcester.
26:02This room will suit me perfectly.
26:05If you will prepare the room for me, Jeeps.
26:09There's really no need for you to wait around
26:11for my nephew, Mr. Worcester.
26:13What the fuck?
26:14We now know that he will be late returning.
26:16He will naturally wish to be alone with me
26:18when he does so.
26:20Goodbye.
26:24No!
26:25No beg your pardon?
26:26Just singing.
26:27No, no, no, no, no.
26:28That's all.
26:29I'd like to keep the old larynx up to muster.
26:30We've just been to the top of that building
26:31that they opened last week,
26:32the Empire State.
26:34You know you can see for miles.
26:35Yes.
26:35Have you seen the view from your bedroom window?
26:37It's a brick wall.
26:38Really?
26:39No, no, no.
26:39Come and have a look.
26:40I don't want to see the blasted view.
26:42I want some tea.
26:43No, I wouldn't.
26:44That's cool.
26:45You don't want tea, Dad.
26:46Have a good idea.
26:46You don't want tea, Dad.
26:47Have a good idea.
26:47I was just about to throw it away.
26:49Right, so plenty of time here.
26:49Look at the view.
26:50What else is the matter with you, Bartik?
26:52Matter?
26:52Nothing at all.
26:52No, no.
26:53No, no.
26:53What are you doing?
26:54You're going to love this view.
26:55Look here.
26:56What's going on?
26:57She must not see him.
26:59Ah, Miss Rockmitella.
27:00Are you still here?
27:01Yes, still here, still here.
27:02And who are you?
27:03Oh, he's nobody.
27:04You're not anybody, are you, Bicky?
27:05Well, I know that's right.
27:07I am going out for a walk until Jeeves has done my room.
27:10Good, good, yes.
27:10There are some wonderful walks around here, yes.
27:12I'm sure you will be gone before I come back.
27:14Oh, yes, yes.
27:15We will be gone, yes.
27:22There's somebody in that room.
27:24No, it's an earthquake.
27:26An earthquake?
27:27Well, more tremor, really.
27:28There's nothing to worry about.
27:31There's somebody in there, I say.
27:33Yes, sir.
27:34Yes, it ought to be Jeeves.
27:35No, it's Jeeves.
27:37Oh, dear, it's stuck.
27:39Yes, it's all right, Jeeves.
27:40The door's jammed again.
27:41You know, it keeps jamming, particularly after a tremor.
27:43This door's locked.
27:44He said it's locked.
27:46Yes, it did sound like that.
27:48What he actually said was, the whole building rocked.
27:51Rocked?
27:51Yes, it's all right, Jeeves.
27:52We'll have you out of there in no time.
27:54Jeeves?
27:54Hello.
27:55Hello.
27:56I have brought you some fresh teas, eh?
27:59That's Jeeves.
28:01Yes, madam?
28:02Then who is in that room?
28:04In that room, madam, the painter.
28:06The room is being redecorated.
28:07I lock him in until he's finished.
28:09He's a fine craftsman, but unreliable.
28:11Get back to your work.
28:13You can have a drink when you've finished and not before.
28:16Would you like some tea, Miss Rockmantella?
28:18Hello.
28:19No.
28:20No.
28:21I was going out for a walk.
28:24Yes.
28:25Very good, madam.
28:27Good afternoon, Miss Rockmantella.
28:31That was Rocky's aunt.
28:32She thinks this flat belongs to him.
28:34But who's Rocky?
28:35Oh, never mind who Rocky is.
28:36The point is...
28:36That blasted door was locked!
28:38I'm so sorry, Your Grace.
28:40That was my doing.
28:41There were reporters present from the Daily Chronicle.
28:44I did not have time to warn, Your Grace.
28:46Reporters, the devils are on my trail already.
28:49It's because I'm a duke, you know.
28:50That's all it is.
28:51You don't get reporters running after you, do you?
28:54Very seldom, Your Grace.
28:56There you are, then.
28:57Was that all, Your Grace?
28:59Yes, that's all.
29:00Is that tea there?
29:01Indeed it is, Your Grace.
29:09Gee, we've got to get Rocky back up here right away.
29:12If his aunt finds out he's been in the country all the time...
29:13I've already attended to it, sir.
29:15I dispensed a telegram by the lift attendant.
29:17I don't know.
30:02Oh, well, I think this is a bit sick, Jeeves.
30:05Indeed it is, sir.
30:06I have brought a dozen of your evening shirts, sir.
30:09A dozen?
30:10I'm not going to be in this blasted hotel that long, surely, Jeeves.
30:12I could not say, sir.
30:14But Miss Rockmatella, Mr. Rockmatella and His Grace seem to be settling nicely into your apartment.
30:19I have put Mr. Rockmatella in the small spare room, sir.
30:23How are the duke and Rockies aren't getting on?
30:25Fortunately, sir, they have not yet met.
30:27You can't keep him apart forever, Jeeves.
30:29Mr. Bickersteth and Mr. Rockmatella are both aware of the situation, sir,
30:32and are endeavouring to keep the two parties at a distance.
30:35Besides, sir, they both keep very different hours.
30:40Oh, Rockmatella, it's all just that you painted it to me in your wonderful letters.
30:51Isn't it exciting?
31:10It's awful, Bertie, not having an allowance anymore.
31:13I mean, if only this thing could have happened a couple of weeks later.
31:15My next month's allowance is due to roll in today,
31:17and I could have worked a business week I read about in a magazine advertisement.
31:19Eh? What's that?
31:20Well, it seems that you can make an absolute bally fortune
31:22if you can only get a few dollars together.
31:24I mean, what you do is, you see, you just start a chicken farm.
31:27I mean, it's obvious, really, when you think about it.
31:29You know, you buy a hen, and then it lays an egg every day of the week,
31:33and then you sell the eggs to, say, sort of, a dozen for 25 cents.
31:36I mean, everything is just pure profit after that.
31:39Running a chicken costs absolutely nothing, practically.
31:41But, of course, I can't do it because I've got the cash.
31:43Oh, well, now, Bicky, you've only got to say the word, you know.
31:45No.
31:46I really couldn't sponge off you, Bertie. I just couldn't.
31:48Well, it's not exactly...
31:49Honestly, old chap, I... I can't.
31:52Well, in that case, there's only one thing for it.
31:54What's that?
31:55Jeans.
31:56I do not wish to appear to be taking a liberty, sir,
31:59but I think we have overlooked his grace's potentialities as a source of revenue.
32:04I do not allude to the possibility, sir, of inducing his grace to part with any money.
32:09I'm taking the liberty of regarding his grace in the light of an, at present, if I may say so,
32:14useless property which is capable of being developed.
32:18You could make it a bit clearer for us, could you, jeez?
32:20In a nutshell, sir, what I mean is this.
32:22His grace is, in a sense, a prominent personage.
32:26Now, the inhabitants of this country, as you are no doubt aware,
32:28are peculiarly addicted to shaking hands with prominent personages.
32:32It occurred to me that either yourself or Mr. Bickersteth might know of persons
32:36who would be willing to pay a small fee, say, three or four dollars,
32:39for the privilege of an introduction to his grace, handshake included in price of ticket.
32:43Nobody is going to be mug enough to part with solid cash just to shake hands with my father.
32:48I had an aunt, sir, who paid five shillings to a young man
32:51for bringing a moving picture actor to her house for tea on Sunday.
32:55It gave her social standing among the neighbours.
32:59Now, an alternative strategy might be to institute a search for a large group.
33:03A convention, for instance, might be in town.
33:06Ah!
33:07A convention, eh?
33:09What were you thinking, then, Barney?
33:11Well, I'm for an absolute sake.
33:12Where is your father? Is he in?
33:13No, no, no. He went out to walk in the park.
33:15Right, well, what we've got to do for here is...
33:16Jeeves!
33:19What are you doing here?
33:21Me? Oh, well...
33:23Have you got nothing better to do than hang around Rock Metella's apartment all day?
33:32Jeeves!
33:35Rocky?
33:36Wake up!
33:37Come on, Rocky, wake up, wake up!
33:39I'm not awake.
33:39Vicky's father's gone for a walk in the park, but he'll be back in a minute.
33:42I'll have my breakfast now, Jeeves.
33:44Very good, Miss Rock Metella.
33:50Aunt Isabelle!
33:51Aunt Isabelle!
33:52Get your hat on.
33:53I beg your pardon?
33:54We've got to get out of here.
33:55Get out?
33:56I haven't had my breakfast yet.
33:58You haven't been eating breakfast at home, Miss Rock Metella.
34:00Where else would I eat my breakfast?
34:01Oh, nobody eats breakfast at home nowadays.
34:03There's a little diner over on West 98th Street they all go to every morning.
34:07Noel Coward, Mary Pickford, Georgie Gershwin, all there, all digging into the old Hammond Eve.
34:13At a diner on West 98th Street?
34:18You've been surprised you've kept your aunt away from Art's diner, Rocky.
34:21Still, don't I like the present?
34:22Oh, no, no, I haven't gotten a hat.
34:24Hat?
34:25You ought to be a laughingstock.
34:26Nobody wears a hat at Art.
34:27Now, come on, Rocky.
34:28Jimmy Durant here said he'd be there this morning.
34:30Do it with this old Jimmy now, do you?
34:31Oh, no, right.
34:33Come along, Rock Metella.
34:35This sounds exciting.
34:37I'm most disappointed that we haven't been to this...
34:41I've been saving it up as a treat.
34:44Oh, thank you.
34:57Dad, come on in.
35:00Who was that man, Rock Metella?
35:02What man?
35:02The man that just went into your apartment.
35:05Oh, him.
35:05Oh, he's come to fix the central heating.
35:08But that Englishman called him Dad.
35:11Did he?
35:12Oh, oh, of course he did, because that's his name.
35:15Mr. Dad.
35:17Aloysius Dad.
35:19Great plumber.
35:23Who's that woman who just left?
35:26Oh, she'd come to measure up for new curtains.
35:31New cur...
35:31Is there no end, your profligacy boy?
35:49Oh, my God.
35:58Oh, my God.
36:01Oh, my God.
36:03Oh, my God.
36:20Come in.
36:25A bit more of this, and I shall sneak quietly off to the river and end it all.
36:29Oh, come, come, Rocky. It can't be as bad as all that.
36:32It's simply infernal.
36:33You mean to say you do this sort of thing every night, Bertie, and enjoy it?
36:39Apart from anything else, I almost get brain fever inventing lies to tell Aunt Isabel,
36:43and then I've got to swim around in this bloody evening clothes of yours.
36:47Mine? You'll ruin them.
36:49Well, it's your fault. You got me into this.
36:51It's my... How is it my fault?
36:53Well, Jeeves, then, it's all the same.
36:55I tell you, Bertie, I can't stand it. It's got to stop.
36:58Well, can't Jeeves think of anything?
37:00He just hangs around saying, most disturbing, sir.
37:03A foul lot of good that does.
37:05Well, at least you're saving this whole lot of money.
37:07What do you mean, saving money?
37:09She stopped the allowance.
37:11She wrote to the lawyer saying that now she's in New York,
37:13there's no necessity for it, as we shall always be together.
37:17Oh, my gosh.
37:19Come back. Come back.
37:20Come back to the apartment with me, won't you, Bertie?
37:22Please, see if you and Jeeves can't think up something.
37:26Please.
37:29Mr. Bert!
37:31Bert!
37:33Bert!
37:45Oh, I'm so sorry.
37:58Thank you, thank you very much.
38:00And the next six, please, if you go in.
38:01Thank you very much.
38:02Wonderful.
38:03Ah, could you all just join the queue up here?
38:05Thank you very much, sir.
38:06That's marvelous.
38:07It's wonderful.
38:07Thank you so much.
38:08Bicky, what on earth is going on?
38:10Bertie.
38:11Jeeves has come up for Trump's again.
38:14Apparently, he found a convention from out of town at the theater the other night.
38:18And listen, they are prepared to pay $3 each to shake hands with my father.
38:22What does your father think of him?
38:23Oh, no, that's all right.
38:24He just thinks that they're all friends of mine.
38:26Now, listen, I'd better get back in there, okay?
38:30I don't understand my nephew Jeeves.
38:32The boy has no stamina.
38:34Are you sure this is the Hippodrome?
38:37Quite sure, Miss Rockpitella.
38:38Sir, your seat is through there, on the left.
38:51Yes, sir.
38:52It's a real pleasure to shake the hand of a real, live English duke.
38:56Boost!
38:58We really got things moving in Birchburg, Duke.
39:01Our new water supply system is the envy of the Midwest.
39:04And our sewage system.
39:05Well, it's the best is the best in the West.
39:07Boost!
39:07Boost!
39:08Hey, where's my aunt?
39:10You were meant to go with her for the matinee at the Hippodrome.
39:12She went with Jeeves in a cab.
39:14Oh, my God.
39:14I completely forgot about it.
39:16But you can be saved, brothers and sisters.
39:20Yes, you sinners can be saved.
39:23And Jimmy Mundy is the man to do it.
39:26Ah, Mr. Jeeves.
39:28Boost for Birdsburg!
39:28Boost for Birdsburg!
39:30Boost for Birdsburg!
39:31Mr. Jeeves.
39:32Hello, Mr. Jeeves.
39:33Boost for Birdsburg, gentlemen.
39:36Boost for Birdsburg!
39:38Me, sir?
39:39Are there many more, Jeeves?
39:40I counted 78 outside the main building.
39:42Excellent!
39:43Well, I must say, if you do jolly well.
39:45Thank you, sir.
39:47This means you!
39:50Hallelujah!
39:59Thank you, sir, Charlie.
40:01Hello.
40:01I didn't know you had so many friends, Francis.
40:03So kind of a friend.
40:04We've got more waiting outside to meet you, Daddy.
40:05So very.
40:06Yes, really?
40:06Yes.
40:07Very kind of a friend.
40:15Come straight on through.
40:20What message have you for Birdsburg, Duke?
40:23I've never been to Birdsburg.
40:32What on earth is the meaning of this?
40:34It's the most rapidly growing city in the country.
40:37Boost!
40:39Stop!
40:41That man is an imposter.
40:43Huh?
40:44I'm not an imposter.
40:45How dare you, madam?
40:46That man is no Duke.
40:48I say you have been duped.
40:49I happen to know that he's a central heating engineer.
40:51How dare you, madam?
40:53Get back to your curtains.
40:55Curtains?
40:55Wait a minute.
40:56What's that?
40:57Wait a doggone minute.
40:58I've been thinking about that.
40:59How do we know you're a real Duke anyway?
41:02He isn't.
41:03I don't see what business it is of yours, but I can assure you that I am the Duke of
41:07Chiswick.
41:08This will prove it to you.
41:12Edgar Gascoigne Bickersteth.
41:16Eighth Duke of Chiswick.
41:18Eighth?
41:18Eighth?
41:19That's not good.
41:21Fellas, we've been had.
41:23What last do you mean?
41:24We didn't pay good money to meet the eighth Duke.
41:26We want the first Duke or nothing.
41:28Hey, he's right now.
41:30Hey, buddy.
41:33Francis!
41:37I'm here.
41:41Mr. Elias!
41:45Duke!
41:48Francis!
41:51Come here, Francis!
41:52Come on, fellas.
41:53It's a fraud.
41:54He's only the eighth Duke.
41:55Hey!
41:55Somebody call the cops!
41:57The cops!
41:57This is a good one.
41:58I don't think you were trying.
41:58I had to, Papa.
41:59You'd cut off my allowance.
42:00Rubbish, rubbish.
42:01Just do it till I get my hands on you.
42:04I'm going to write to my senator about this.
42:05I'm not allowed.
42:06I needed money to start the chicken farm.
42:08I mean, listen.
42:09You buy a head, and then it lays an egg every day of the week, and then you simply sell
42:11the
42:12eggs.
42:12The chicken farm are you, man?
42:13I mean, it's something brilliant tweez.
42:14They cost nothing to keep, and then you simply sell the eggs, and you, you know, you make money
42:17away.
42:17What in God's name you're talking about?
42:18You let me suppose you were a successful businessman.
42:21Well, no, it's not exactly a bigot, sir, although he did exaggerate a bit.
42:25You see, the thing is, the poor old man is absolutely stuck without your...
42:28After this deceit, not another penny.
42:34All he wants is a bit of capital.
42:36Don't you think he'll be rather weak?
42:37You don't.
42:38Well, I don't know.
42:39Just as...
42:39You don't say shock me to interfere.
42:41Never.
42:41It's all a vans.
42:43For example, a funeral.
42:46Thank you, thank you.
42:48I will see you all later, gentlemen.
42:49Down Mr. Pony Bird is his crippling.
42:55Oh, my God.
42:56There they are.
42:57No!
42:59I gotcha.
42:59How dare you sally the good name of the biggest man?
43:02No, no, no, no, look.
43:05There they are, the fat ones, the folly do.
43:08Oh, my God.
43:17This way, gentlemen.
43:19I should advise a degree of alacrity, your grace.
43:23What are they doing?
43:25They seem intent on arresting your grace for fraud.
43:28Fraud?
43:28Oh, my God.
43:30But I...
43:30Frances, look what you've done.
43:32Well, at least if I haven't got any money, they'll feed me in jail.
43:34You'll pardon me for saying so, sir, but there is a way out of your present financial predicament.
43:40Now?
43:41If the Duke is unwilling to finance your chicken farm, sir, you may be forced to sell his story to
43:46the newspapers.
43:47Jeeves, you're right.
43:48Jeeves, you're right.
43:48He's right.
43:49The prodigal would jump asses.
43:51They would, too.
43:52Do.
43:52I absolutely forbid it, Frances.
43:54Five hundred a year.
43:55Five hundred!
43:55Five hundred a year.
43:56Five hundred a year.
43:57You sell the eggs and they...
43:58Yes, yes, it's all right.
44:01Okay, nobody leave.
44:02The place is surrounded.
44:05What are you doing in my nephew's apartment?
44:08You stay out of this.
44:11Sir, my lord, your grace.
44:13This is our floor.
44:15Thank you, Jeeves.
44:21Open up in the name of the lord!
44:24Mr. Jeeves!
44:25Hey, you.
44:27Are you addressing me, officer?
44:29I ain't addressing nobody.
44:30I'm talking to you.
44:31My name is Jeeves.
44:33Are there any other ways out of this apartment?
44:36Hey, there they are.
44:37Get him!
44:38No, no, no, look, look, look, please.
44:39You can have your money back, all right?
44:41The money's not the point.
44:42A crime has been committed.
44:44A crime has not been committed, blaster!
44:47If I might be permitted to speak, officer...
44:49No, you might not.
44:51I don't like your attitude, Jeeves.
44:54I was merely wondering, officer,
44:56whether these gentlemen really intended to prefer charges.
45:00Sure they do.
45:02Sure we do!
45:03Will it redound to the good name of Birdsburg, gentlemen,
45:06if it is printed in every newspaper in the land
45:09that you, the town's representatives,
45:12were mousetrapped by a pair of suede-shoe feather merchants?
45:16Oh!
45:18Precisely, gentlemen.
45:21Well, I guess no real harm has been done.
45:23Yeah, sure, uh, we'll drop to charges.
45:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:27Let's go, fellas.
45:29Boost the first bird!
45:31Boost the first bird!
45:32Goddamn amateurs.
45:33Come on, man!
45:34Yeah!
45:36Yeah!
45:36Yeah!
45:37Yeah!
45:38Yeah!
45:38Yeah!
45:39Yeah!
45:40Yeah!
45:41Yeah!
45:41Yeah!
45:41Yeah!
45:44Yeah!
45:49Yeah!
46:13So for you, they would have no attraction.
46:19And to think it was by the merest accident that I heard him.
46:23I asked your manservant, Jeeves, to take me to the Hippodrome, to the matinee.
46:27The man has very little intelligence.
46:29And I'm thankful for it.
46:31Instead of the Hippodrome, he took me to where Mr. Mundy's holding his meetings.
46:36Mr. Mundy showed me the pomp and vanity of sitting in gilded haunts of vice,
46:43eating lobster and dancing the tango when decent people should be in bed.
46:50When he stood on one leg, pointed at where I was sitting, and shouted,
46:54This means you!
46:57I could have sunk through the floor.
47:02Now, Rock Mateller, you will go to the country, won't you?
47:07You want me to go back and live in the country?
47:09Yes, Rock Mateller, yes.
47:12Back to that little cottage?
47:14For my sake, Rock Mateller, yes!
47:18All right, Rock Mateller, yes.
47:18Oh, all right.
47:22Now, perhaps I can have some tea.
47:24Does this apartment belong to my nephew or your son?
47:28Well, neither, actually. It belongs to me.
47:30You?
47:34I'm of the opinion that the young people of today are far more trouble than they're worth.
47:38You're absolutely right, Mr...
47:42What do I call you?
47:44You may call me Edgar, madam.
47:48Miss.
47:50Indeed.
47:57What a masterstroke, Jeeves.
47:59Sending Rocky's art along to see Jimmy in London.
48:01Thank you, sir.
48:02I hope that it might accomplish the necessary alienation.
48:05What about the way she's committing Ramiel?
48:07You look like a young filly, eh, Jeeves?
48:09Indeed, sir.
48:10Jeeves, words fail me.
48:13Very good, sir.
48:15Ah, I think, would you care to, um...
48:17Thank you, sir.
48:18Why don't you take the right hand this time?
48:19Very good, sir.
48:22One, two, three, four.
48:23One, two, three, four.
48:27One, two, three, four.
48:32One, three, four...
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