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Jeeves and Wooster S02E02 The Bassetts' Fancy Dress Ball
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00:00I love you
00:46Oh, my God.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:25Oh, my God.
01:25Good afternoon, Mr. Fink-Nottle.
01:28Mr. Worcester is not at home, sir, but perhaps I can get you some refreshments.
01:32No.
01:33I don't want to see Bertie anyway.
01:35Jeeves.
01:36Yes, sir?
01:38It's about this wedding of mine, Jeeves.
01:41I've got the most fateful problem.
01:43I can't sleep at night thinking about it.
01:45Most distressing, sir.
01:48I'm frightened of Sir Watkin Bassett, Jeeves.
01:51Your prospective father-in-law, sir?
01:53And his friend, Roderick Spode, the amateur dictator.
01:59A week ago, I realized that I'd have to make a speech at the wedding breakfast,
02:04and that Roderick Spode and Sir Watkin Bassett would both be in the audience.
02:10Perhaps I can be of assistance, sir.
02:28Yeah, he was lucky to get away with that shot, you know.
02:30Because a shot like that, you've got to get your wrists moving.
02:33Well, certainly.
02:34Yes.
02:35In fact, I'll show you them this later on, if you like.
02:38The earnings wasn't all that wonderful, Bertie.
02:43Oh, yes!
02:45Oh, well.
02:51Better get and show them how it's done, I suppose.
03:01That wasn't out.
03:03Oh, yes, it was, Stiffy.
03:04Caught at the wicket.
03:16Ah, two legs, please, umpire.
03:20Well, I must say Gussie's changed.
03:22Oh, yes.
03:24When did you last see him?
03:26Ah, well, apart from yesterday,
03:27I gave him dinner at the drones a couple of weeks ago.
03:30Didn't you notice a change in him then?
03:33Ah, no, I don't think so.
03:35But you know how it is when you're being a host,
03:37keeping your eye on the waiters,
03:38trying to head off Cats Meek Potter Purbright
03:40from doing his imitation of Beatrice Lilly?
03:43He's changed, Bertie.
03:45Oh, yes, yes.
03:46He used to do Cicely Corknage.
03:48I mean Augustus.
03:51All right.
03:56All right.
04:03Hold on.
04:05Hold on.
04:08Not saying I'm out.
04:11At birth,
04:12every citizen,
04:14as of right,
04:17will be eschewed with a British bicycle
04:20and an honest British-made umbrella.
04:24Thus assured of a mobile workforce
04:27adequately protected against the elements,
04:31this great country can go forward once more
04:36to glory.
04:37Hooray!
04:39I said it.
04:40That's a jolly good idea.
04:41Citizens of Chotry on the world,
04:45I say to you
04:46that nothing stands between us
04:49and our victory accepts defeat.
04:53Tomorrow is a new day.
04:56The future lies ahead.
04:59I'd never thought of that.
05:02Hail Spun!
05:04Hail Spun!
05:05Hail Spun!
05:10That sort of thing really makes you think,
05:13does it, Jeeves?
05:14Indeed it does, Sam.
05:16Ah, Jeeves.
05:18Glad to see you here.
05:19You're just the sort of person we need in the movement.
05:22The working masses.
05:25I hesitate to contradict you, Mr. Spode,
05:28but the working masses and I
05:29have barely a nodding acquaintanceship.
05:31Good afternoon.
05:38Harold, Harold, there's Uncle Wattie over there.
05:41Now's the time for you to talk to him.
05:43What about?
05:44About us getting married, of course.
05:47Well, yes, but here...
05:50Yes, he was clapping every time you hit the ball.
05:53Was he?
05:56Harold wants to talk to you, Uncle Wattie.
05:58What?
06:00Oh, what is it, Mr. Pinker?
06:02Well, sir, it's about Stephanie.
06:04About Stephanie?
06:05Yes, sir.
06:07I mean, as you're her guardian, I thought, well, the fact is, Sir Watkin, we want to get married.
06:18Married?
06:18You and Stephanie?
06:19Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:21Quite out of the question.
06:22You're the curate, aren't you?
06:24Yes, sir.
06:25You can't afford a wife, man.
06:27Well, sir, Stephanie seems willing to give it a try.
06:30That's what guardians are for, young man, to protect their wards from trial and error.
06:37Oh, well, great.
06:38Well, great.
06:40You are absolutely hopeless.
06:43It didn't give me a chance to speak.
06:48That was a no ball.
06:52I am talking to you, Constable Oates.
06:57Was you addressing me, miss?
06:59Yes, I was, Constable Oates.
07:02That ball you got Mr. Pinker out with was a no ball.
07:06Well, miss, why was that?
07:07Because it was.
07:09Let me say this to you, miss.
07:11I got my eye on certain people.
07:15Certain people were dogs.
07:23If you really loved me, you'd do something about that man.
07:27What do you mean, do something?
07:29Steal his helmet.
07:32He'd look a complete fool walking around the village without his helmet on.
07:36I can't go around stealing a policeman's helmet.
07:39He insulted me.
07:41Oh, no, no, I don't think he meant anything.
07:43If you can't even do a simple thing like stealing a policeman's helmet for me,
07:48well, then I agree with my uncle about you.
07:51You'll never be a bishop.
07:53Oh, my God.
08:09That was never out.
08:11The standard of unpowering in village cricket nowadays is really, very poor.
08:21Stop the car, Bertie.
08:24Oi!
08:28Look here, Spode.
08:29Will you keep this rabble of yours out of the way of the traffic?
08:31How dare you?
08:33This highly trained force has far more right to the road than you.
08:37Don't talk rot, Spode.
08:39I am not in the habit of talking rot.
08:42Well, I must say, you're doing dashed well for a beginner.
08:45Drive on, Bertie.
08:48Clear the road.
08:54You watch where you're going, he's talking.
08:56Whoa!
08:57Whoa!
08:57Whoa!
08:59Whoa!
09:00Whoa!
09:01Whoa!
09:07Gussie, I don't know how to put this, but you've changed.
09:16Arthur?
09:18You can imagine what it was like to me to contemplate getting up to make a speech with Roger Spode
09:22on one side of me and Watkin Bassett on the other.
09:25Well, Roger Spode has loved Madeline since she was, well, so high.
09:28Oh, yes.
09:29Yeah, but he doesn't want to marry her, you see.
09:32He looks upon himself as a man of destiny and feels that marriage would interfere with his mission.
09:38What do you mean, his mission?
09:39Well, that fascist crew we saw just now.
09:42They're black shorts.
09:43He's the founder.
09:44Anyway, yesterday, I placed my problem before Jeeves.
09:48That man is a marvel, Bertie.
09:52Well, what did you advise, Jeeves?
09:53I approached the matter from a psychological angle, sir.
09:57It occurred to me that we do not fear those whom we despise.
10:01The tactic, therefore, is to cultivate a lofty contempt for those who are about to listen to one.
10:06Yes, but how?
10:08Quite simply, sir.
10:09One fills one's mind with scornful thoughts of them.
10:13One must never cease to remind oneself that we once saw Robinson arraigned before magistrates for traveling first class on
10:20a second class ticket.
10:21And so on, sir.
10:23Robinson will have lost his sting.
10:25You dominate him.
10:26Sounds all very well in theory, Jeeves, but does it work in practice, one asks oneself.
10:30Like a dream!
10:31You saw me just now with Spode.
10:34The moment Jeeves spoke those words, I settled down to think of all the things about Rodrick Spode and Sir
10:39Watkin Bassett,
10:40which exposed them to the just contempt of their fellow men.
10:44Like the fact that Spode's mustache looks as if someone's just squashed a fly on his upper lip.
10:49No, in fact, Jeeves, I went one better.
10:53Indeed, sir?
10:54Yeah.
10:55Just so I wouldn't forget anything, I wrote it all down in a notebook.
10:58You wrote it down, sir?
11:01Yeah, in a little notebook.
11:03And where do you keep it?
11:04In my back pocket.
11:06Here it is.
11:07Oh, I need to kiss him.
11:10Spunny.
11:11Must have dropped it somewhere.
11:12Dropped it?
11:13Yes, but it's all right.
11:14I can remember every word.
11:16Oh, good stuff, is it?
11:18Oh, the best.
11:20Good, good.
11:20No chance of Spode or Bassett being bored when they read it.
11:23No, I...
11:29Now.
11:31Now, now, now, now, Gussie, stop.
11:33I've got to get out.
11:34When's the next day?
11:34Calm down.
11:35Think, Gussie.
11:36Is there anywhere you may have dropped it?
11:37I can't think.
11:38How can I think?
11:39Is there anywhere you may have dropped it?
11:40No.
11:41Oh.
11:43Well, I had it in my trouser pocket when I was playing tennis this morning.
11:45Who are you playing with?
11:48Stephanie.
11:50We need more chairs, Butterfield.
11:52There are 400 guests.
11:53Yes.
11:54Put those tables in the corner and fetch the remainder of the stage.
11:58What's up, Stiffy?
12:00Hello, Bertie.
12:02Isn't it exciting?
12:03Oh, yes, indeed, yes.
12:04Ah, Stiffy.
12:05Have you, by any chance, got a small leather-covered notebook that Gussie might have dropped this morning?
12:11The one full of the excellent character studies of Roderick's boat and my guardian.
12:15That's a jab.
12:16Yes, yes, I've got it.
12:16Oh, you have?
12:17Gosh, what a relief.
12:18Well, I'll sort of take it, as it were, if you don't mind.
12:21What do you want it for?
12:23Well, I want it because Gussie might easily lose it again.
12:26And then it might fall into the hands of your uncle, in which event he would certainly kick the stuffing
12:30out of a Gussie-Madeline wedding arrangements.
12:32And then Madeline might, well, get ideas once again about marrying yours truly.
12:37You know, Bertie, I'm sure your man Gussie could think of some way of getting Uncle Joaquin to approve of
12:44Harold.
12:48Well, of course, one wishes you all a like in the world and all that in that department, but I
12:53don't quite see what...
12:53And then I could give you back the notebook.
12:59Stiffy!
13:00Are you trying to blackmail me?
13:03Yes.
13:04Excuse me.
13:05Come along.
13:06You should have finished that by now.
13:08You still haven't built frosty.
13:09There must be some way of getting Stiffy and Stinker under starter's orders without old Sir Watkin registering an objection.
13:16Sir Watkin is not a man easily persuaded, sir.
13:19Yeah.
13:24What is it, Chiefs?
13:26There are some curious objects in the wardrobe, sir.
13:30Curious objects?
13:35They're handkerchiefs, Jeeves.
13:36They're handkerchiefs, Jeeves.
13:36Handkerchiefs.
13:37I think not, sir.
13:39They appear to have writing on them.
13:42Oh, come now, Jeeves.
13:43I bought a couple of dozen of them the other day and they offered to put my initials on.
13:47See?
13:47P-W-W.
13:48I see, sir.
13:50I see, sir.
13:50With what purpose in mind, sir?
13:52Well, I just think they look dashed smart.
13:55Do you, sir?
13:57Yes, Jeeves, I do.
13:59Anyway, to return to the problem at hand, I told Gussie that Stiffy wouldn't give his notebook
14:03back and he got a sort of a wild look in his eye and only worried that he might do
14:06something
14:07rash and upset the apple cart.
14:11Yes?
14:14Oh, Gussie.
14:15I've brought you a newt.
14:18A newt?
14:19I thought you might like one.
14:22You'd better come in.
14:24They make wonderful pets.
14:26Really?
14:28Bertie says you won't give him my notebook.
14:31He knows what he's got to do.
14:32I need it, Stephanie.
14:34If Sir Watkin gets all of it...
14:35Jolly hard luck.
14:37I bet I know where it is.
14:39Thank you for the newt, Gussie.
14:42You've got to have it, Stephanie.
14:43Well, you can't.
14:45Gussie, stop it!
14:46I'm sorry, Stephanie.
14:47It means a lot to make it.
14:48I must have it, Stephanie!
14:49Gussie!
14:51Natalie!
14:54Natalie!
14:55I just came to give Stephanie a newt.
15:07Shall I lay out one of your novelty handkerchiefs for you today, sir?
15:10Oh, come off it, Jeeves.
15:12Everyone wears things with initials on them nowadays.
15:14I thought practice was restricted to those who were in danger of forgetting their names,
15:18sir.
15:20You know, Jeeves, there was a very odd atmosphere at dinner last night.
15:23Perhaps best described as dour.
15:26I was never under the impression that Totley Towers had a reputation for prandial jocundity,
15:31sir.
15:32Well, true, Jeeves, true.
15:33But the atmosphere was even less than usually jocund.
15:37Mr Fink-Nottle was presumably worrying about his notebook, sir.
15:40Mr Fink-Nottle did not turn up for dinner at all, Jeeves.
15:42Indeed, sir.
15:43And Roderick Spoh didn't look too happy either.
15:46Now I have drizzly premonitions about Spoh, Jeeves.
15:49The trouble is I have forgotten that jolly useful word you unearthed for me.
15:52Sir?
15:53And the one about some scandal in Spoh's past that always reduces him to a quivering mass of apology.
15:58I have a feeling I may need it.
15:59You are referring, I think, sir, to Eulalie.
16:02Eulalie, that's it, yes.
16:04I wish you could tell me what the word meant, Jeeves.
16:06I have no complaints.
16:08It's undoubtedly been successful in the past, but it's rather like holding up a bank
16:11and not knowing whether your gun is loaded or not.
16:13I fear I am not at liberty to elucidate, sir.
16:16You may rest assured, however, that the weapon is loaded.
16:21The other really odd thing about last night was Madeline's attitude.
16:25Her eyes were distinctly swiveling in my direction, and she says she wants to meet me in the library this
16:29morning.
16:31Bertie, I wish I was dead.
16:33That's all I was.
16:35What is?
16:36Me and Madeline were finished.
16:38What?
16:40What have you been doing to her?
16:41It wasn't me, it was her.
16:43You know you told me Stephanie wouldn't give up the notebook.
16:46Yes.
16:47Well, I took her a newt.
16:49You took her a newt?
16:50I thought it might soften her up.
16:54You thought a newt might soften her up?
16:56Yes.
16:57It didn't, though.
16:58Anyway, I was struggling with her on the bed, and then the door...
17:01On the bed?
17:01Wait a minute, wait a minute.
17:02And Madeline came in.
17:04That's the whole story.
17:06That's the whole story.
17:27That's the whole story.
17:39What, oh Madeline?
17:42It's all been a nice day and all that.
17:43What?
17:45Oh, Bertie.
17:47Bertie, I wanted to tell you that my engagement to Augustus is at an end.
17:51Oh, right, yes.
17:53Well, he told me.
17:54I'm now free to make you happy.
17:56I will be your wife, Bertie.
17:59Ah, good heavens.
18:00Well, deeply sensible of the Omar and all that, but don't you think you're being a bit rough on poor
18:05old Gussie there?
18:07What? After what happened between him and Stephanie?
18:09Ah, well, I was going to talk to you about that.
18:11You know, I often think it's as well on these occasions to have a few words with a seasoned man
18:16of the world and get the real low down.
18:18I mean, you wouldn't like to have to start wringing your hands later and saying, gosh, if only I'd known.
18:22No, I think you're wronging Gussie.
18:24Let me explain.
18:25There can be no explanation, Bertie.
18:27I have blotted Augustus from my life.
18:29Gussie?
18:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:31You see, that's just where you're making your bloomer.
18:33I have finished with Augustus.
18:35From today, he will be merely a memory.
18:38A memory that will grow fainter through the years.
18:41With you beside me, I shall be able to exorcise Augustus's spell.
18:48Well, now, I'd better go and tell Daddy to announce our engagement at the ball tonight.
18:53No, no, no, no, no.
18:54Um, don't do that.
18:56But I must.
18:57Otherwise, he's going to announce my engagement to Augustus.
19:00No, um, well, let's leave it till later.
19:06Jeeves?
19:08Oh, goodness, you're here.
19:11Madeline is going to tell her father that we're engaged.
19:14It was perhaps only to be expected, sir.
19:17What am I going to do, Jeeves?
19:19It goes to me to wonder, sir, that if Miss Bassett were to see for herself the contents of Mr.
19:24Finknottle's notebook,
19:25it might lend credence to his story of how he came to be grappling with Miss Bing in her bedroom.
19:31Well, I didn't mind, Jeeves, but the blasted Stiffy won't hand it over.
19:35I say, Jeeves, I've just had a thought.
19:37Do you know Stiffy's room?
19:39Yes, sir.
19:45Right, Jeeves, you, you take the wardrobe.
19:47I'll deal with the chest of drawers.
19:58Jeeves?
19:59Uh, sir?
20:01Did you speak, Jeeves?
20:03No, sir.
20:23You're surely not frightened of a tiny little dog, Jeeves.
20:26If I may be so bold as to contradict you, sir, the creature seems to me to be above average
20:31in muscular development.
20:32I would also draw your attention to the number and size of the teeth.
20:36Mm-hm.
20:40Mm-hm.
20:49Mm-hm.
20:51Mm-hm.
20:52Mm-hm.
20:54Mm-hm.
20:54Mm-hm.
20:55Mm-hm.
20:55Mm-hm.
20:55Oh, Stiffy.
20:57Mm-hm.
20:58Mm-hm.
20:59Look at Jules.
20:59Surprised to see us here.
21:01No, I'm not.
21:02You've been looking for that notebook, I suppose.
21:04Oh, why, yes, yes, we have.
21:07Although we hadn't really got started.
21:08We were somewhat impeded by the Bow Wow.
21:10He took our entrance in the wrong spirit, didn't he, Jeeves?
21:13Indeed he did, sir.
21:14A fine watchdog, miss.
21:17Yes.
21:18Hi.
21:19Would it be too much to ask you to attach a stout lead to the little fellow's collar,
21:23thus making the world safe for democracy?
21:25Yes, it would.
21:28Wouldn't you want to save the lives of two fellow creatures?
21:31No, I wouldn't.
21:32Not if they're men.
21:33I loathe all men.
21:35Oh, come now, Stiffy.
21:36Don't you, oh, come now, me, Bertie Worcester.
21:39Do you know what Harold said?
21:42Well, no, no, I don't, Stiffy.
21:43I'd be most interested to learn, of course, wouldn't you, Jeeves?
21:47I burn with curiosity, sir.
21:49I feel, however, that I could give the matter livelier attention
21:52were I not perched on this wardrobe.
21:55Oh, very well.
22:04I got to the rectory, and I went in, and after we'd talked of this and that for a while,
22:10I said, when are you going to pinch Eustace Oates' helmet for me, darling?
22:15Eustace Oates?
22:16You mean the policeman?
22:18Yes.
22:19But you can't ask respectable curers of the Church of England
22:22to go around stealing policemen's helmets.
22:25There you are, you see, you're all as bad.
22:28That's exactly what he said.
22:30So I said, oh, drawing myself up.
22:34In that case, our engagement is at an end.
22:38And he dropped a whole box of coloured slides from the Holy Land, and I came away.
22:42You can't mean this, Stiffy.
22:44I can.
22:45And I consider I've had a very lucky escape.
22:48If he's going to refuse me every little thing I ask,
22:51then I'm glad I found out in time.
22:57Well, this is too bad, Stiffy.
23:00The heart bleeds there, Jeeves.
23:02Distinctly, sir.
23:04Well, one can only hope that time and the great healer
23:07will eventually rally around and stitch off the wound.
23:11In the meantime, under the circus,
23:12I think we'd better just take the notebook and toddle off, Stiffy.
23:14Oh, don't talk to me about notebooks now.
23:17Oh, how can you be so heartless?
23:20Oh, I wish I were dead.
23:22And you'd be sorry then, wouldn't you?
23:36Come in.
23:41Dad, Lemberdeer, what can I do for you?
23:43Dad, there's something I haven't thought of.
23:49Bertie Worcester?
23:51No!
23:52Oh, dear God, Madeline, not that.
23:55Look at them, Jeeves.
23:57I mean, only last evening,
23:59Miss Madeline Bassett lost the love of her life.
24:01Only an hour ago,
24:02Miss Stephanie Bing, too, was allegedly heartbroken.
24:05But now look at them.
24:06I mean, are these the actions of rational human beings, Jeeves?
24:10It's difficult to say, sir.
24:13I mean, is it for this
24:14that we dragged ourselves from a primeval ooze
24:17to stir up the emotions of simple, honest citizens
24:20to the point of frenzy
24:21and then go around playing tennis and giggling?
24:24It's an interesting question, sir.
24:27I say, Stiffy!
24:28Oh, hello, Bertie.
24:29Well, I must say,
24:30you appear to have recovered your spirits
24:32in a rather remarkable manner.
24:34One tries to keep cheerful, you know.
24:35Oh, does one?
24:36Does one, indeed.
24:37Well, in that case,
24:37Stiffy, I'll trouble you cheerfully
24:39to disgorge Gus's notebook
24:40without any more backchat.
24:42Oh, hard jolly hard.
24:44Oh, hard jolly hard are you,
24:45young Stiffy, with knobs on.
24:47And hard jolly hard are you
24:49with double knobs on.
24:50If I might be permitted
24:51to suggest a course of action, sir.
24:54What, you mean you've found a formula, Jeeves?
24:56The idea I have, sir,
24:58is to take advantage
24:59of Sir Watkin Bassett's attitude to you.
25:02Sir Watkin does not like you, sir.
25:05Oh, I don't like him.
25:06No, sir.
25:07But he would consequently sustain
25:09a severe shock
25:10were you to inform him
25:11that you and Miss Bing
25:13were betrothed
25:14and anxious to be united
25:16in matrimonial bliss.
25:18He'd hit the ceiling.
25:21Exactly, miss.
25:22A very colourful piece of imagery.
25:24If you were then
25:25to assure your uncle
25:26that there was no truth
25:27in Mr. Worcester's statement,
25:28adding that you were
25:29in actual fact
25:30betrothed to Mr. Pinker,
25:32I think that the overwhelming relief
25:35he would feel at the news
25:36would lead him to look
25:37with a kindly eye
25:38on your betrothal
25:40to that gentleman.
25:41Why, Jeeves,
25:42that's marvellous.
25:44It couldn't fail.
25:45If I said the chap
25:47I really wanted to marry
25:48it was the boy
25:48who cleans the boots.
25:50He'd fold me in his arms
25:52and promise to come
25:53and dance at my wedding
25:54after being threatened
25:54with Bertie.
25:56Jeeves,
25:56you really are
25:57the specific dream rabbit.
26:00Oh, really?
26:01Well, I'll take
26:02the notebook now, Stiffy.
26:04After you've seen
26:05Uncle Watkin.
26:06I have no intention
26:07whatever
26:07of seeing Uncle Watkin.
26:10Don't you like the scheme?
26:11Like the scheme?
26:12No, I don't.
26:12No.
26:13I consider the idea
26:14that Jeeves has advanced
26:15to mark the absolute zero
26:17in human goofiness.
26:18The book, Stiffy,
26:18if you please.
26:20I was rather asking myself
26:21if you might not
26:22take this attitude.
26:22Well, now you know the answer.
26:23I have.
26:24The book,
26:24if you please.
26:31Now, I want you
26:33to keep a general lookout out.
26:34There's always
26:34a few gatecrashers.
26:35I'll keep my eyes peeled,
26:37Sir Watkin, Sir.
26:38Yes, Mr. Worcester.
26:39Could I speak to you
26:40for a moment,
26:41Sir Watkin?
26:41No hurry.
26:42Speak to me?
26:44Well, if you really...
26:46Yes, all right.
26:47That's about all out,
26:48I think.
26:49Very good, sir.
26:50Sir Watkin, sir.
26:51Sir.
26:53Now, Mr. Worcester.
26:55Yes, well,
26:55I just wanted
26:56to have a bit of a chat.
26:57Yes?
26:58Have you ever thought
26:59about love,
27:00Sir Watkin?
27:01You didn't come here
27:02to discuss love?
27:04Well, yes,
27:04I have, actually.
27:05I mean,
27:06wherever you go,
27:07there it is,
27:07buzzing along
27:08and every class of life.
27:09I mean,
27:10take newts,
27:10for instance.
27:11Are you quite well,
27:12Mr. Worcester?
27:13No, no, no.
27:14The big flower arrangements
27:16are for the Buffy table.
27:17No, I was just quoting
27:19Gussie Think Nottle,
27:20really.
27:21Reaver Newts,
27:21that is.
27:22And starfish, too,
27:23according to Gussie.
27:24And also ribbon-like seaweed,
27:26which is seaweed
27:27that sort of looks
27:28like ribbon.
27:30Anyway,
27:30Gussie!
27:31Mr. Worcester,
27:32will you please
27:33come to the point?
27:35Oh, right.
27:36Well,
27:36I just want to say
27:37that you will not be
27:37losing a niece,
27:38but gaining a nephew.
27:40Niece?
27:40Nephew?
27:41Stiffy and me,
27:42you know.
27:43Stiffy?
27:44Stephanie!
27:45I have the honour
27:46to ask for your niece's
27:47hand in marriage.
27:49But,
27:50I thought it was
27:51my daughter.
27:53What was?
27:56My daughter
27:57distinctly told me
27:58that you and she were...
28:01Madeline?
28:02Oh, no, no, no,
28:02no, no, no, no,
28:03no, no, no,
28:04no, it's...
28:04it's Stiffy,
28:05all right,
28:05Stephanie,
28:06yes.
28:07Oh, well,
28:09in that case,
28:10of course,
28:11Mr. Worcester.
28:12I'm delighted.
28:14I'm sure you
28:15and Stephanie
28:15will be
28:16very happy
28:17together.
28:21Are you, uh,
28:22are you absolutely
28:23sure about that,
28:23sir?
28:23I mean,
28:24she'll make
28:24something of you,
28:25perhaps.
28:26I'm sure there are
28:27many good qualities
28:28underneath that,
28:29uh,
28:30rough exterior.
28:31Um, well,
28:32no, actually.
28:33Now,
28:33if you will
28:34excuse me,
28:34Mr. Worcester,
28:35there are still
28:36many things
28:37yet to be done.
28:38I shall take
28:39the greatest pleasure
28:40in announcing
28:41your engagement,
28:42Stephanie,
28:43and Paul,
28:44this evening.
28:47What do you mean
28:48we're engaged?
28:49He welcomed me
28:50with open arms.
28:51It was always
28:51a danger,
28:52of course.
28:52I have no intention
28:54in the world
28:54of being engaged
28:55to you,
28:55Bertie Worcester.
28:56Well,
28:56it's going to be
28:56announced tonight.
28:58Not if I have
28:59anything to do
28:59with it,
28:59it isn't.
29:17not for the true
29:19Englishman.
29:21Not for the true
29:23born Englishman.
29:26Blah,
29:27blah, blah, blah.
29:28British bicycles.
29:35There's something.
29:37Umbrellas.
29:39There's something,
29:40something,
29:40something,
29:40something.
29:41The entire
29:43expanse
29:45of Hartfordshire.
29:52Brussels sprouts.
29:59Something.
30:00Something,
30:00something,
30:00something.
30:01Oh,
30:02Mr. Spode,
30:02I was looking for you.
30:05Um,
30:06yes,
30:06what is it,
30:07Stephanie?
30:08It's about me
30:09and Mr. Pinker.
30:11Uncle Watkins
30:12being terribly mean
30:13about him.
30:14I was wondering
30:15if you could
30:15talk to him
30:16for me.
30:17He does
30:18respect your
30:18opinion.
30:20I really
30:21don't think
30:21that I
30:22can interfere
30:23in a purely
30:24family matter,
30:26Stephanie.
30:27Oh,
30:27yes,
30:27of course.
30:28I understand
30:29that,
30:29Mr. Spode.
30:31But,
30:31but I have
30:32something you
30:32might be
30:33interested to see.
30:35Oh,
30:36really?
30:37Really?
30:56What's he
30:57coming,
30:57arsehole?
30:58It's all for
30:58Riley,
30:59same as last
30:59year.
31:02Where'd you
31:02like these
31:03two?
31:03Put them
31:04down there,
31:04please.
31:27What is it?
31:28Stiffy,
31:29it's me.
31:32Harold,
31:33can I come
31:34in?
31:34No,
31:35you can't.
31:36But I've
31:37brought you
31:37something.
31:39Harold,
31:40you woolly
31:41bar lamp.
31:43You haven't
31:44got it
31:44after all.
31:45Yes.
31:49Harold,
31:51my dream
31:52of joy.
31:53You're the
31:53most wonderful
31:54man in the
31:55whole wonderful
31:56world.
32:04Sorry to
32:05serve you,
32:05sir.
32:05I asked
32:06to make
32:06a search
32:07of all
32:07the rooms.
32:08An item
32:08of police
32:09equipment
32:10has been
32:10stored.
32:11Oh,
32:12what fun.
32:13In your
32:13car.
32:14What's
32:14you
32:14blithe,
32:14sir?
32:20Sir?
32:27Sir?
32:27Sir?
32:28Sir?
32:28Sir?
32:30Sir?
32:30Sir?
32:46Come out,
32:47you putrid
32:49little earthworm!
32:50come!
32:51Spode!
32:52You stay out of
32:53this!
32:55Spode, you seem to
32:56forget who you're
32:57speaking to.
32:57Remember, I know
32:58all about you,
32:59Lily.
33:00Oh.
33:01Oh, yeah.
33:02Oh, you,
33:03you, Worcester.
33:04Nice evening.
33:05Well, my word,
33:06Spode, this is,
33:07this is too much.
33:08This is just that
33:09little bit above the
33:09odds that compels a
33:10man to take drastic
33:11steps.
33:11Sir, but Worcester,
33:13I must warn you,
33:14Spode, that my
33:15patience is not
33:16inexhaustible.
33:17But you don't know
33:17the provocation I've
33:18had from this
33:19Finknottle.
33:20He says that I am a
33:21pompous ass.
33:23Oh.
33:23When did Mr.
33:24Finknottle say that
33:24to you?
33:25Well, he didn't say
33:26it.
33:26He wrote it.
33:27Look.
33:30Yes, um, give me
33:32that book, Spode.
33:33I should like you
33:34to have it, Worcester.
33:35Then you can see
33:36what I mean.
33:37Look, look, look
33:38what he says there
33:39about how I eat
33:40asparagus.
33:41I'm going to tear
33:43your head from
33:44off your shoulders.
33:46Spode, control
33:48yourself.
33:49Sorry, sorry.
33:51Are you going to
33:53keep the book,
33:53Worcester?
33:54I am.
33:55Well, can I get on
33:57with beating this
33:57door down there?
33:58Certainly not.
33:59All you do now
33:59is pop off.
34:00Pop off?
34:01Pop off.
34:02Leave me, Spode.
34:03I would be alone.
34:04Yes.
34:05Well, sir.
34:06Yes, thank you,
34:07Worcester.
34:09Good night.
34:14Gussie, your
34:15troubles are over.
34:16I wish I was in
34:17Lincolnshire, Bertie.
34:18It's so peaceful
34:19in Lincolnshire, Bertie.
34:20You can...
34:20Oh, never mind
34:21about that.
34:22I got your
34:22notebook back.
34:24Oh, Bertie.
34:25Now, you sprint
34:25along and show it
34:26to Madeline and
34:26she'll understand
34:27why you were so
34:28anxious to wrest it
34:28from Stiffy's
34:29handbag.
34:29Will she, Bertie?
34:31Will she?
34:31She will.
34:32She will.
34:32Now, go.
34:36Gussie, how
34:37craggy.
34:38Well, it's true.
34:39He has got hair
34:40growing out of his
34:41ears.
34:43Shall we take the
34:44poultry and roast
34:45beef up to the
34:46puffy tent now,
34:47Miss Madeline?
34:47Oh, yes.
34:48I guess we'll start
34:49arriving soon.
34:50But you see,
34:50well, I had to get
34:51the book back from
34:52Stephanie.
34:53Gussie, you are so
34:54foolish sometimes.
34:56But I suppose I can
34:57be foolish, too.
34:58Do you know what
34:59that blasted Finknottle
35:00has done?
35:01Mr. Finknottle is
35:02here, Daddy.
35:04You...
35:04You goggle-eyed idiot!
35:07You filled me
35:08bath tub with newts!
35:09I know that.
35:11Oh, my gosh,
35:12you haven't touched
35:12them, have you?
35:13I'm in the middle
35:13of a most important
35:14experiment.
35:15Touch them?
35:16I've put the plug
35:17on the beastly
35:18things.
35:19I'm not going to
35:19share me bath
35:20with a lot of
35:20slimy amphibians.
35:22You silly old
35:24ass!
35:26You unmitigated
35:27pudding-handed
35:28old jobber now!
35:33Hello,
35:34Butterfield.
35:35You're looking
35:35well.
35:35You're looking
35:36well.
35:37You're looking
35:38wonderful.
35:39Hello,
35:40Bundy.
35:40Come on,
35:41Viner.
35:41What?
35:42Come on.
35:42You don't look
35:43anything like
35:43the time.
35:44Hello,
35:44Bundy.
35:47If it wasn't
35:48for the awful
35:49threat of
35:49lifelong union
35:50to stiffy
35:51being,
35:51Jesus,
35:52I should be
35:52quite looking
35:52forward to
35:53this threat.
35:54An unlooked
35:55for betrothal
35:56often casts
35:56a pause,
35:57eh?
35:59Oh,
35:59Bertie!
36:00Bertie,
36:01it's all
36:01off again!
36:02What is?
36:03The marriage,
36:04of course!
36:04Well,
36:05I didn't know
36:05it was on.
36:06I'm rather
36:07losing track
36:07of your vagaries,
36:08Gussie.
36:09Didn't you
36:09show Madeline
36:10the notebook?
36:11Yes,
36:11that was all
36:12right.
36:12Then I had
36:12a row
36:13with her
36:13father.
36:14Oh,
36:15and,
36:16what about?
36:17Well,
36:18I broke
36:18one of the
36:18tanks in
36:19my room
36:19and had
36:19to put
36:19a few
36:19newts
36:20in his
36:20bath.
36:21In his
36:22bath?
36:22He didn't
36:23like it.
36:23He pulled
36:24the plug
36:24out.
36:25And?
36:26I ticked
36:27him off
36:27properly.
36:28I called
36:28him every
36:28name I
36:29could think
36:29of.
36:30In fact,
36:30I called
36:30him names
36:30I hadn't
36:31a notion
36:31I knew.
36:32And when
36:32I finally
36:32poured
36:33for breath,
36:33he forbade
36:34the bans
36:34and I
36:35gave him
36:35the notebook.
36:38You gave
36:39him the
36:39notebook?
36:39Yes,
36:40just as he
36:41was leaving.
36:41Thought there
36:42might be
36:42some names
36:42in it,
36:42which I've
36:43forgotten
36:43to call
36:43him.
36:44What's
36:44the matter,
36:45Bertie?
36:45Well,
36:45can't you see
36:46what you've
36:46done,
36:46you poor
36:47old chump?
36:48If old
36:49Bassett has
36:49read the
36:49contents of
36:50that notebook,
36:50then nothing
36:51will bring
36:51him round.
36:52I mean,
36:52words spoken in
36:53anger you might've
36:54got away with,
36:54but coldly
36:55considered opinions
36:56inscribed day by
36:57day in a notebook,
36:58well,
36:58that's another
36:58matter.
36:59Oh,
36:59my lord.
37:01Gee,
37:01what shall I do?
37:03Am I to gather
37:04that Sir Watkin
37:05was about to
37:06bathe when he
37:06found your
37:07little creatures
37:07in his bath,
37:08sir?
37:09Oh,
37:10yes,
37:10I suppose so.
37:10He had his
37:11dressing gown on.
37:12It is possible,
37:13then,
37:13that Sir Watkin
37:14has not yet read
37:15the contents of
37:16the notebook,
37:16that he has set
37:17it aside as
37:18something to
37:18look forward to
37:19after he has
37:20completed his
37:21ablutions.
37:22Why,
37:23George,
37:23you are absolutely
37:24right.
37:25All you have to do,
37:26Gussie,
37:26is to nip into
37:26his room and pitch
37:27the notebook while
37:28he's in the bath.
37:40Darling,
37:40you lock me up.
37:43I'm afraid
37:43you've come as
37:44your father.
37:45Never mind.
37:45Have you seen
37:46Daddy, Stephanie?
37:47I don't think
37:47he's come down yet.
38:08I don't think he's
38:16come this way.
38:17Fink-nottle dressed
38:19up at the devil.
38:20No one hasn't
38:20come this way,
38:21Sir Watkin,
38:22sir.
38:22Watkin,
38:23I've been looking
38:23for you.
38:24The guests are
38:24wondering where
38:25you are.
38:25Did you see that
38:26Fink-nottle as
38:27you came up?
38:28No.
38:29Blast it.
38:29What are you
38:30doing up here
38:30anyway?
38:31Searching,
38:32Sir Watkin,
38:32sir.
38:33Searching?
38:33Someone has
38:34stolen my helmet.
38:36Stolen your helmet?
38:38Correct,
38:39Sir Watkin,
38:39sir.
38:40Oh,
38:40I know
38:41who's got that.
38:41Bertie Worcester.
38:43Then ho for the
38:44festivities,
38:45Jeeves.
38:46Well,
38:47I must say,
38:47Jeeves,
38:47if there's a dash
38:48to be cut tonight,
38:49your employer will
38:50be the one who
38:50is cutting it.
38:52I hope that Sir
38:53Watkin's announcement
38:54of your nuptials
38:55will in no way
38:55tarnish your
38:56enjoyment,
38:57sir.
38:57I was trying to
38:58blot that out of
38:59my memory,
38:59Jeeves.
39:00Is the prisoner
39:00not to be allowed
39:01a few brief moments
39:02of forgetfulness
39:03before execution
39:03takes place?
39:04I'm sorry,
39:05sir.
39:06It was
39:06thoughtless of me.
39:08No matter,
39:08Jeeves.
39:08We Worcesters
39:09are known for our
39:10insouciance
39:11in the face of
39:11fearful odds.
39:13My cigarette case,
39:14if you please.
39:14Oh,
39:15the lighter,
39:15if it's there.
39:19Is something
39:20amiss,
39:20Jeeves?
39:21Sir?
39:22You appear
39:23to be preoccupied.
39:25Yes,
39:25sir.
39:26I have discovered
39:27that there is
39:27a policeman's helmet
39:28concealed in our
39:29wardrobe.
39:50can I be of assistance?
39:52We have come
39:52for a search
39:53your room,
39:54my man.
39:56Oh.
39:58Ah,
39:59what,
39:59sir Watkin?
40:00Kindly do not
40:01address me
40:02in that familiar
40:02way,
40:02Worcester.
40:03I happen to know
40:04that once again
40:05you yielded
40:06to the awful
40:06temptation
40:06to steal
40:07a policeman's helmet.
40:09Oh,
40:09rot.
40:09The constable
40:10and I
40:11have received
40:11specific information
40:12from an eyewoodness.
40:14He will proceed
40:15therefore
40:15to search
40:16your room
40:17without delay.
40:18Very well.
40:19If that is the spirit
40:20in which you interpret
40:21your duties
40:21as a host,
40:22carry on.
40:23All I can say is
40:23don't count on me
40:24coming back here.
40:26Right.
40:41It means that one
40:43will be able
40:44to give over
40:44the entire
40:46area of
40:47Nostashire
40:47to the production
40:48of turnips.
40:50I want to hear
40:51Mr. Spode
40:51talking about
40:52Brussels sprouts.
40:53It's changed my life,
40:54I can tell you.
40:55I can tell you.
41:23Augustus thinks
41:23I'm cross with him,
41:25but I'm so impressed
41:26by the way
41:27he stood up
41:27to my father.
41:29Augustus is such
41:30a strong man,
41:32strong and silent.
41:54I can tell you.
42:01Augustus is such a strong man,
42:02I can tell you.
42:03Augustus is such a strong man,
42:03that I have been subjected
42:04to intolerable abuse.
42:06My goods and chattels
42:07have been violated.
42:08Is this the way
42:09you welcome guests
42:10in Gloucestershire?
42:11Hmm?
42:11Hmm?
42:12Hmm?
42:12I mean,
42:13is this the treatment
42:14to which free-born,
42:15right-thinking Englishmen
42:16are to be subjected?
42:17No, I see.
42:19Now,
42:19since time immemorial,
42:21it has been truly said
42:22that Britons
42:23never, never, never
42:24shall be slaves.
42:25And yet,
42:26and yet,
42:26my friends,
42:27today,
42:27innocent Britons
42:28may be invited
42:29to seemingly
42:30respectable country houses
42:31for the weekend
42:33and used
42:35most fondly.
42:41Um,
42:42on the other hand,
42:43I must take too heart of you.
42:44Um,
42:45there's a lot to be said
42:46on both sides,
42:46I'm sure.
42:47I arrest you,
42:48Bertram Worcester,
42:49on a charge of theft
42:50of police equipment,
42:51namely,
42:52helmets,
42:53police constables,
42:54who saw his
42:54seven and three quarters,
42:56one off.
42:57I knew it!
42:58I knew it!
42:59Didn't I say?
43:01I'm to think
43:01I was about to announce
43:02his engagement and award.
43:04You blackguard!
43:08Steady.
43:08You blackguard!
43:10Oh, oh, oh, oh.
43:54Hi, Bertie. You're still there, are you? Yes, I bally well am still here, thanks to you
43:59young stiffy. Oh, don't be such a cross-patch. It all worked out perfectly. As you turned
44:04to crime again, Uncle Watkin decided that even Harold was a better vet for his favourite
44:08knees. We're reading the bans this morning. Thanks, old man. Well, that's all very well,
44:13but... Got to go now, Bertie.
44:25Miles Spode!
44:33Mr Spode, sir?
44:38Just one word, sir.
44:41Now, what is it?
44:44The one word, sir, is Eulalie.
44:52You're free to go now.
44:54Free?
45:05By the way, Bobby, did you pay my bail?
45:07No, Chief said all the charges have been dropped.
45:21Oh, uh, what, O?
45:25Carry on, men.
45:35What are you doing here, Worcester? I distinctly told Oates to... Ah, Roderick, on your way
45:41to Minchin Hampton?
45:43Well, uh, no. The fact is, I hear there's been some trouble about the helmet I stole from Constable
45:50Oates.
45:51You, Roderick?
45:53A silly thing to do. I see that now. It was an uncontrollable impulse. I yielded.
45:59You yielded, Roderick?
46:01I did it once at Oxford, too.
46:04Good God above.
46:05I know.
46:07I was going to keep quiet about it, but Worcester's man tells me that you've got the idea that
46:10Worcester did it, so of course I had to come and tell you. I'll go back to London, I think.
46:16Perhaps it would be best in the circumstances.
46:22Well, it appears I owe you an apology, Mr. Worcester.
46:27Say no more about it, Bassett. My innocence is established, that's all that matters. I take
46:31it that I'm now free to leave?
46:32Certainly. Certainly. Goodbye, Mr. Worcester.
46:34Not so fast. I'll trouble you for that notebook of Mr. Fingnottle's first.
46:38Certainly not. That is evidence, Mr. Worcester.
46:41Very well, Sir Watkin. Then in tomorrow's times, you can read the announcement of my forthcoming
46:46marriage to your daughter, Madeline.
46:48You wouldn't.
46:49I dashed well would.
46:51That's below the belt, Worcester.
46:54Thank you. Goodbye, Bassett. I need scarcely say, I think, that I hope this will be a lesson
46:58to you.
47:02You really again, Jeeves?
47:04Indeed, Sir.
47:05Yeah, dashed useful word, that.
47:07There isn't anyone else I could use it on, is there?
47:10I regret not, Sir.
47:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Bassett, Jeeves, oh, it's a bill, oh, my goodness, you.
47:27Gussie, we are going to quern this tragic notebook of yours.
47:29It took me ages to think of all those things.
47:32Yes, and you will now forget them again.
47:33All right.
47:35Then I beseech you, Gussie, never, ever, ever to write derogatory things about your elders
47:38and betters again.
47:40Oh, Bertie.
47:41Now give the notebook a poke, Barmy.
47:42I don't know what I'm going to do, Bertie. I can't go back to Totley.
47:46Oh, never mind, Gussie. Madeline adores you. Love will find a way.
47:49No, it's my newts I'm worried about. I mean, will she send them on to me?
48:00Have you ever been to Gussie's place in Lincolnshire?
48:02No, what's it like?
48:04Oh, a lot of newts.
48:09Good Lord.
48:15It's Spoon.
48:26Well, sir, seeing that you have discovered part of the matter for yourself,
48:29I feel at liberty to disclose the rest of Mr. Spode's secret.
48:34Mr. Spode designs ladies' underclothing, sir.
48:38He has a considerable talent in that direction
48:40and has indulged it secretly for some years.
48:44He is the proprietor and founder
48:46of that emporium Eulalie Sirs
48:48that you chanced across.
48:50Good Lord.
48:51Well, no wonder he didn't want it to come out.
48:53No, sir.
48:54It would undoubtedly jeopardize his authority
48:56amongst his followers.
48:58Yes.
48:58You can't be a successful dictator
49:00and design women's underclothing.
49:02No, sir.
49:04One or the other.
49:05Not both.
49:07Precisely, sir.
49:09You know, Jeeves,
49:09in spite of Roderick's bones
49:11in somewhat idiosyncratic ways,
49:12he's undoubtedly a severe menace to man and beast.
49:16I'm sure that is so, sir.
49:17And you've saved me from him, Jeeves.
49:19Instead of being beaten to a jelly by this maniac,
49:22I sit before you now
49:23the same perfectly formed fellow I was before.
49:27Jeeves,
49:28you may get rid of those handkerchiefs.
49:30I owe it to you.
49:31Thank you, sir.
49:32I destroyed them last night.
49:35Did you, by Jove?
49:39Very good, then, Jeeves.
49:41Chin, chin.
49:42Your very good health, sir.
49:44Ah.
50:07You, by Jove?
50:08You, by Jove?
50:11You, by Jove?
50:12You, by Jove?
50:14You, by Jove?
50:15You, by Jove?
50:15You, by Jove?
50:27You, by Jove?
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