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Jeeves and Wooster S01E03 The Purity of the Turf
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00:00Tum-tum-tum
01:04Good night, Vienna, you city of a million something or others.
01:12La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la something else.
01:21Good afternoon, Jeeves.
01:25good afternoon sir no no no no that's the song jeeves and a dash wrong song it is too i
01:31don't
01:31know how they think them up jeeves no sir it is one of the great mysteries i mean fancy writing
01:35a song about saying good night to a whole city i mean you might as well say um good afternoon
01:40manchester or fancy bumming into you basing stoke yes sir or i didn't see you at the club last night
01:46cleethorpes i take your point sir perhaps if you were to sing the rest of the lyric it might throw
01:52some light on the matter ah well there's the rub jeeves i don't know the rest of the lyric i
01:55heard
01:55it at the cinema last night that's all i can remember it goes um uh good night vienna you
02:02city of a million or it may have been a thousand some fairly substantial number anyway i you know
02:10jeez i wonder if old uncle george isn't thinking of going off to foreign parts sir well it's just
02:15that he's asked me to ankle around his clubs discuss some urgent matter or other
02:27morning good morning sir uh lord yaxley young lord yaxley in the dining room sir right but
02:34he won't want to be disturbed at his luncheons uh well he did say it was quite urgent oh well
02:39off you go thank you
02:47what's up uncle george ah bertie sit down sit down
02:51don't eat much of me dear i'm afraid it's my stomach lining my man in harley streets is very sensitive
02:59had your luncheon oh yes thanks i have yes good
03:05i got a message that uh it was urgent oh it is oh yes yes yes yes
03:13what i wanted to ask you was where'd you get those ties you wear ties you like that uh blucher's
03:23in the
03:23burlington arcade good good thank you
03:31i'm not so old so old as what
03:37properly considered i'm in my prime besides what a young and inexperienced girl needs is a man of
03:46weights and years to lean on
03:51great scott uncle george i'm not thinking of getting married yes confound you i am thinking of getting
03:56married if you aren't agatha come sticking her all in i'll well i'll know what to do about it
04:04man's as young as he feels
04:17do you know what my uncle george is thinking of doing jeans contracting a matrimonial alliance sir
04:24good lord how did you know that oddly enough sir i happen to be acquainted with the other party in
04:29the
04:29matter the girl yes sir but it was from her aunt to mrs wilberforce who resides with her that i
04:35received the information so who is she this other person a miss rhoda platt sir of wisteria lodge
04:42kitchener road east dulwich young yes sir the old fathead yes sir the expression is one which i would
04:51of course not employ myself sir but i confess to thinking his lordship ill-advised one must remember
04:57however that it is not unusual to find gentlemen of a certain age yielding to a sentimental urge
05:03the phenomenon is particularly noticeable i'm given to understand in the united states of america
05:08amongst the wealthier inhabitants of the city of pittsburgh it's notorious i'm told that sooner or
05:13later unless restrained they always endeavor to marry a chorus girl the high turnover rate of
05:18chorus girls in the state of pennsylvania has been a matter of comment for some time in the public
05:22prince you finished james thank you sir yes yes from uncle george's manner as he referred to my aunt
05:29agatha's probable reception to the news i gather that miss platt is not of the noblesse no sir she
05:36is a waitress good sort well how is aunt agatha going to take to that she's not like me james
05:42i'm
05:42broad-minded if uncle george wants to marry a waitress let him say i the rank is but the penny
05:48stamp
05:48the guinea stamp sir the poet burns was writing at a time when never mind the poet burns jeeves
05:55no sir expunge the poet burns from your mind i have already done so sir what about the aunt agatha
06:01she will kick jeeves very probably sir and she is a lady of strong opinion yes that'll be the curse
06:09of
06:09worcesters now if i'm any judge oh thank you how nice to see you girl i wish to speak to
06:16you bertie
06:17i'm greatly upset i'm sorry to have to tell you that my brother has gone mad
06:23and well he called on me this morning and announced his intention of marrying some
06:29impossible girl from south norwood he's dull-edged jeeves informed me and pray what does jeeves know
06:36about it he's met the girl has he indeed and who is she she's a waitress waitress first a barmaid
06:46at
06:46the criterion and now a waitress well the barmaid was 30 years ago aunt agatha she must be dealt with
06:53in the same way we shall offer her money to release your uncle george from her thrall well just as
07:00you
07:00like of course but whenever people do that in books the girl gets the sympathy every time she draws
07:04herself up and looks at them with clear steady eyes causing them to feel not a little cheesy
07:09what trash you do read bertie i sometimes despair of you well i just think you're gonna find it dashed
07:16embarrassing offering this girl money i am not proposing to do any such thing you will undertake
07:21the negotiations me certainly here is a check for 100 pounds that should be ample but the essential
07:32point is that your uncle must be released from this grim entanglement and what if she draws herself
07:38up and looks at me with clear steady eyes if it's not troubling you too much bertie i should be
07:44greatly
07:44obliged if you would stop driveling right we get to east dullage in half an hour there is a frequent
07:53service of trains and you will come direct to pond street on your return yes sir
07:58so
08:30Ah, good afternoon.
08:31Oh, you're at last, are you?
08:34Eh?
08:35Do sit down.
08:36Oh, right-o.
08:37You can't see Rhody yet.
08:40She's asleep.
08:41Well, when you've got flu, you can't sleep at night sometimes, can you?
08:44Ah, Miss Platt's got the flu.
08:45Well, that's for you to say.
08:46But while you're here, I'd like you to take a look at my knee.
08:50Uh, what for?
08:52Oh, you are a one.
08:54What do you think?
08:56Well, terrific.
08:58It's a sort of shooting pain, just comes and goes.
09:02And I'll tell you something funny.
09:04Oh, what's that?
09:05Lately, I've had the same sort of pain here, at the end of my spine.
09:11I wish you'd take a look.
09:13No, no, no, no.
09:14No.
09:15Um, knees, yes.
09:17Spines, no.
09:19You're a funny sort of doctor.
09:21Doctor?
09:21Aren't you the doctor?
09:23No.
09:23Oh, you'll be the death of me.
09:27And me showing you all I've got, too.
09:30Yes, yes.
09:31No, I've, uh, I've actually come here to see Miss Platt.
09:34What about?
09:34Well, nothing really.
09:36Um, my uncle heard she was seedy.
09:38Your uncle?
09:39Yes, Lord Yaxley.
09:41Oh, you're his nephew.
09:43That's right, yes.
09:44I expect he's always popping in and out of here, is he?
09:46No, I've never set eyes on him.
09:48Rhoda talks about him a lot.
09:49But she's never so much as asked him to look in for a cup of tea.
09:53But, uh, there's no doing anything with girls these days, is there?
09:58No, no, no, no, not much, no.
10:01Well, um, I'd better be tooling off, then.
10:04Oh, well, I'll show you to the door.
10:07Oh, right.
10:11I have never heard anything so spineless in all my life.
10:15Well, I'm sorry.
10:17Can a chap say more?
10:18You know, I lost my nerve.
10:19Could have happened to anyone.
10:20Not to anyone with a spine.
10:24You will go and see the girl again tomorrow, Bertie,
10:26and this time you will do as I told you.
10:29But dash it on, Agatha.
10:30And kindly do not use that sort of language in my presence.
10:34You may go, now.
10:48Ah, um, Jeeves!
10:51Um, no, no, don't get up.
10:52Um, now, look, Jeeves,
10:54I know this is your night off, uh, and all that,
10:57and normally, of course, I wouldn't intrude.
10:58Is Mrs. Gregson in good spirit, sir?
11:01No, Jeeves, she is not.
11:03She wants me to go down to East Dulwich again tomorrow.
11:05Frankly, I just wish somebody
11:07could come up with a better idea
11:08for getting rid of Uncle George's folly.
11:11Ah.
11:12Have you come up with one of your corkers, Jeeves?
11:15Modesty forbid, sir,
11:16but it did occur to me to wonder
11:18whether in your expedition to East Dulwich
11:21you encountered the young person's aunt,
11:24Mrs. Wilberforce.
11:25Jeeves, I encountered nothing but Mrs. Wilberforce.
11:27Mm, it is Mrs. Wilberforce's intention
11:30to continue residing with her niece
11:32after the latter's marriage, sir.
11:35Mm-hmm.
11:36She's a kind-hearted woman,
11:38but definitely of the people.
11:40Should he meet her,
11:42this might give his lordship pause.
11:44You mean, if I were to invite Uncle George
11:47and Mrs. Wilberforce to lunch tomorrow?
11:50Precisely, sir.
11:51Jeeves, you've done it again.
11:54Thank you, sir.
12:10Good afternoon, kitchen.
12:16So, Jeeves, how did you come to meet
12:17this Mrs. Wilberforce and Miss Platt?
12:19Through a young fellow of my acquaintance, sir.
12:21Oh, what young fellow of your acquaintance?
12:24Colonel Mannering Smith's personal
12:26gentleman's gentleman, sir.
12:28He and Miss Platt at one time
12:29had an understanding
12:30and I accompanied him
12:31to Wisteria Lodge to meet her.
12:33Ah, so they broke it off
12:34and Uncle George got her on the rebound.
12:36So what did they quarrel about?
12:38They did not quarrel, sir.
12:40But when his lordship, your uncle,
12:42began to pay his addresses,
12:43she was naturally flattered
12:45and began to waver
12:46between love and ambition.
12:47Ah, so if your scheme works
12:50and Uncle George edges out,
12:52it'll do your pal a bit of good.
12:56Precisely, sir.
12:59My friend Smithhurst
13:00would regard it as a consummation
13:01devoutly to be wished.
13:04Well, that's rather well put, Jeeves.
13:05Is that your own?
13:06No, sir.
13:07The Swan of Avon, sir.
13:09Oh, sir.
13:19Hello.
13:20Mrs Wilberforce, sir.
13:22Mrs Wilberforce.
13:23Oh, I'm going to keep a straight face
13:26with you standing behind me saying,
13:28Can I tempt mud on with a potato?
13:31I shall never know.
13:33I know him, you know.
13:36He's been to tea round at our house.
13:38Yes, so he told me.
13:39See you later.
13:40Bye.
13:42Oh, nice place you've got here.
13:45They were, well,
13:45I like more pink about myself.
13:47It's cheerful.
13:49What's that you've got there?
13:50Cocktails?
13:51Martini with a spot of absinthe.
13:52Oh, God.
13:54Don't you try and make me drink that stuff.
13:56What that does to the lining of your stomach.
13:58Oh, I don't know.
13:59Well, I do, dear.
14:00And if you'd been a barmaid
14:02as long as I was,
14:03you'd know too.
14:04Oh, you were a barmaid.
14:06Was I?
14:07For years I was.
14:09When I was younger.
14:10At the Criterion.
14:13There you are, you see.
14:14It's that stuff.
14:16Makes your hands wobble.
14:17Give me a drop of port any old time.
14:24Um, when you were at the Criterion,
14:27did you ever run into anyone with my name?
14:30Forster?
14:31No, dear.
14:31Not that I know of.
14:32No, no, no.
14:33Worcester.
14:33He's Lord Yaxley now.
14:35Worcester?
14:36Lord Yaxley.
14:37Ah, Bertie, this is me.
14:47Lordy.
14:48Lordy.
14:48Piggy.
14:51Where are you?
14:52Dad?
14:53Oh, thank you.
14:58Oh.
15:00Uh-oh.
15:18Oh, this is Q. I'm going to speak to the steward about this.
15:23Come off it, Ulfie.
15:24You're just a rotten player.
15:26No, that was a perfect shot.
15:28Bridge steady, smoothly back, good eyes.
15:32Mr. Worcester, sir.
15:34Oh, dash it, Rogers.
15:36I'm so sorry, sir, but there's a lady asking for you, a Mrs. Gregson.
15:40Ah, I spy art.
15:42Yes, well, I haven't even had lunch yet.
15:43Could you tell her I'm not here?
15:45Well, I've already told her that, so she's most insistent.
15:48Very well.
15:50Let me try Bertie's cute.
15:53Ah, yes, that's Ben, that's Ben.
16:04Ah, Bertie.
16:05Hello, Aunt Agatha.
16:06Your uncle is not going to marry the girl after all.
16:09Not?
16:10Apparently he's been thinking it over and now sees the wisdom of what I told him.
16:14The surprising thing is that he is going to marry somebody else.
16:18He is?
16:18An old friend of his, a Mrs. Wilberforce.
16:21A widow of sensible age, he gives me to understand.
16:24I wonder which of the Wilberforces that would be.
16:27There are two main branches to the family.
16:29The Essex Wilberforces and the Cumberland Wilberforces.
16:33And the East Dulwich Wilberforces.
16:35What did you say, Bertie?
16:37Er, nothing, Aunt Agatha, really nothing.
16:39I do wish you would speak more clearly, Bertie.
16:42I've had to tell you about it before.
16:58Ah, Chiefs.
16:59Well, I don't know if you're aware of it, but this binge has depreciated your stock considerably.
17:04I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
17:05You might at least have ascertained that she was Uncle George's barmaid.
17:09I did, sir.
17:11What?
17:13The young man's mother stood approach me in the hope that I might be able to do something
17:16to further his cause with Miss Platt, sir.
17:19There will now be no obstacle to their union.
17:22Well, that's all fine and large, Chiefs.
17:25But what about Uncle George?
17:26You've landed him nicely in the cart.
17:28No, sir.
17:29If I might take the liberty of opposing your view.
17:32I fancy Mrs. Wilberforce will make an admirable mate for his lordship.
17:36Oh, no, no, no, Chiefs.
17:37Think.
17:37You said yourself only yesterday that Mordy Wilberforce is definitely of the people.
17:42Sturdy lower-middle-class stock, sir.
17:44A much-needed injection of fresh blood.
17:47Now, perhaps you would like to change before the journey, sir.
17:49I thought you could drive down after lunch while I take the baggage by train.
17:53What train?
17:55What journey?
17:56Why are we packing?
17:58Your uncle has taken Mrs. Wilberforce to meet Mrs. Gregson this afternoon, sir.
18:03He's taken her to meet Aunt Agatha?
18:05I think perhaps if we were to leave the metropolis for a while it might be expedient, sir.
18:10And if you recall, Lord Wickhamsley invited us down to Twing some time ago for the village festivities.
18:17I think we ought to go before lunch, don't you, Chiefs?
18:19No.
18:21Just as you say, sir.
18:27Well?
18:31Well?
18:32Well?
18:32I'm waiting.
18:35Mummy, please.
18:37I simply want an answer from your father.
18:40I bitterly regret now that I was so kind and forgiving when he lost the Rolls-Royce to Lord Icknam
18:48last year.
18:48I was just a run of bad luck, Drusilla.
18:51I had three kings and he...
18:54As for this latest outrage...
18:57Not in front of the guests, Mummy.
18:59I am sorry if I'm embarrassing the guests.
19:03But what I have to say applies equally to them.
19:10There will be no more betting of any sort in this house.
19:17Oh, I say.
19:17No.
19:19Hmm.
19:20Just a few little bets, hmm?
19:23No.
19:36I have said all I intend to say on the matter.
19:45Oh, jimbals.
19:49Oh, jimbals.
19:50Oh, g bull, jimbals.
19:55Yes.
20:00Oh,
20:10I do.
20:10Yeah.
20:11It is.
20:19Awesome.
20:20Oh, it can be very beautiful.
20:20Yeah.
20:33Bingo! What are you doing down here? Stay in the twing hall like you. Come over here.
20:38There's something I want to show you. Righto. Come on. Look inside behind the bar. Her name
20:50is Myrtle. Isn't she beautiful? She's a tender goddess, isn't she? She is. She is. You can
20:55see it, can't you? What happened to Daphne? Daphne. The one who came after Honoria? Passing
21:01fancy, Bertie. The folly of one's youth. It was only a week and a half ago. Myrtle was
21:06up and down to see her uncle. We met on top of a bus. She was... Hello, Steggles. Come
21:14and meet my friend, Bertie Worcester. How do you do? This is Rupert Steggles. What ho, Steggles?
21:20I'm going inside. This fresh air is getting into my lungs. He's staying at Lord Wickham
21:29as this, too. Snappy dresser. I wish you wouldn't hang around Myrtle all the time, though. She
21:32doesn't like it. I say, Bertie. Do you want to come in on a little flutter? You interest
21:39me strangely, old bird. There's one thing we Worcesters are positively dripping with. It's
21:43sporting blood. Steggles has decided to make a book on the sports of the village fate. Say, I
21:49think I can put you in the way of making a parcel on the mother's sack race. Lead on,
21:54old scout. The idea is an attractive one, sir. Unfortunately, Lady Wickham's Lee has come
22:01down strongly against any form of betting at Twing. Partly, I understand, as a result of
22:08his lordship losing the East Wing in a game of shove-halfpenny last week. This is bad news,
22:13Jeeves. Indeed, sir. It was only the strongest possible representations to the other party
22:18involved, and the passage of a considerable sum in money that saved the old place.
22:23No, no, I've heard about the betting.
22:27I'm so looking forward to the fate on Monday.
22:30Me, too. I love all those races I have.
22:33My favourite to the boys' and girls' mixed animal potato race.
22:36What on earth is that?
22:37Oh, it's wonderful. You all get into couples, and each couple is given an animal noise to
22:42make, and a potato.
22:43And one of you stands in a thick spot, holding the potato and making the animal noise.
22:48Mewing like a cat, or barking like a dog.
22:50And the other one has a bag over his head.
22:52And has to try and find his partner.
22:55I've forgotten what the potato's for.
22:58Well, damn difficult to estimate form, anyhow.
23:00Here you go.
23:05Shit!
23:06Quiet!
23:09Right, you got the race car?
23:10Yes. Come on.
23:11But you know the most wonderful thing...
23:13Later! Guess who I got it from!
23:14Later! Guess who I got it from!
23:24I got it from Myrtle.
23:26Yes, yes, yes.
23:30Right.
23:31Oh, you can still smell a scent on it.
23:33See?
23:34No, thank you, Bingo.
23:37Can we get on?
23:38Right.
23:41The girls under 12 egg and spoon race.
23:43Any thoughts about that, Chiefs?
23:45Last year's winner, Sarah Mills, is the favourite, sir.
23:49What are her chances?
23:49I haven't seen the gallops, of course.
23:52But I understand little Sarah carries a beautiful egg.
23:56She...
24:06Bertie!
24:09He's not here!
24:11She is?
24:12It's Lady Cynthia, sir.
24:15We thought you were your mother.
24:16Oh, no, she's too busy giving Daddy his even lecture.
24:20Rupert Steggles thinks you're forming a syndicate.
24:23What rot!
24:24Can I join?
24:26Absolutely.
24:26Oh, thank you.
24:28We were just going through the car, though.
24:30Right.
24:31Carry on, Bingo.
24:32Er, Mother's Sack Race.
24:34Ah, now, you know something about that.
24:35A gift from Mrs. Penwitha, the tobacconist's wife.
24:37I was in a shop yesterday buying some cigarettes,
24:39and she told me that she'd won three times at fairs in Worcestershire.
24:42She only moved here a few weeks ago,
24:44so no one knows about her yet.
24:46Risk a tenner each way, Jeeves?
24:48I think so, sir.
24:50Er, father's hat-trimming contest.
24:53Hmm.
24:54A very speculative event, sir.
24:56Married couples, three-legged long-dump.
24:59I cannot advocate any large-scale disbursement.
25:02Someone take a bed in there, eh?
25:11Ah, er, Mr. Worcester?
25:14Ah, what ho, Jeeves?
25:17I hoped I might find you here, sir.
25:19You're a positively animated, Jeeves.
25:21I'm sorry, sir.
25:23I have information regarding the choir boy's handicap, sir.
25:27The probable winner of that event is even now
25:30under the very roof of Twing Hall.
25:31Harold, sir, the page boy.
25:34I don't see it, Jeeves.
25:35He's practically circular.
25:36The boy is a flyer, sir.
25:38How do you know?
25:39I happened to be pursuing him this morning
25:41with a view to fetching him a clip on the side of the head.
25:44Great scotch, Jeeves.
25:45You?
25:47The lad is of an outspoken disposition, sir,
25:49and had made an opprobrious remark respecting my appearance.
25:52What did he say about your appearance?
25:53I do not recall, sir, but it was opprobrious.
25:57I attempted to correct him,
25:58but he outdistanced me by yards and made good his escape.
26:01This is sensational.
26:03We are sure, are we, Jeeves?
26:06Hmm.
26:17Oi!
26:19That sounds like the off now, sir.
26:45The young gentleman had expressed an interest in horticulture, my lady.
26:48I was enlightening them as to the life cycle of the earthworm.
26:52Essential grounding, I have always felt,
26:54for a proper understanding of the subject.
26:56Oh.
26:58Oh, I see.
27:00Very well, then.
27:01Do carry on.
27:02Thank you, my dear.
27:03Ahem.
27:04Observe, gentlemen, the distended saddle on this specimen.
27:11What a joy.
27:12What's up, Steggles?
27:13Hello, Worcester.
27:14Morning, Mattel.
27:15Mr. Worcester.
27:16Well, might I have a word?
27:20Now, then.
27:21Touching on the choir boy's hundred-yard handicap,
27:24I'd like to place a small bet on Harold Harmsworth.
27:27The fat boy.
27:29Well.
27:29We're quoting, um, eighteen to one at the moment.
27:33Eighteen to one.
27:34There you are.
27:35To win.
27:36Antipose.
27:37Twenty pies to win?
27:39Do you know something?
27:42Know something?
27:44No.
27:45No, no, no.
27:46I just, uh, just like the name.
27:48Harold.
27:49Harold Harmsworth.
27:50I saw a ring to it, didn't you think?
27:51Harold Harmsworth.
27:52Well, I think it has, anyway.
27:53Whenever I...
27:53Yes, yes, and never mind.
28:03Good shot, Bingo.
28:05Thank you, Bertie.
28:07You're looking very doleful.
28:09Myrtle went to the cinema in Markadingham with Steggles last night.
28:13Ah, yes.
28:13Well, do you know what Kipling said?
28:15The F of the S is much more D than the M.
28:17Really?
28:18Well, Jeeves, what do you think?
28:20Well, if I might paraphrase the poet, sir, I think perhaps we should be valiant but not
28:24too venturous.
28:25Ah, yes, but was the poet's ball plugged into the bramble 200 yards from the green and surrounded
28:30by trees?
28:31He made no mention of it, sir.
28:33Perhaps I can suggest that a spade-mashy or even a mashy-niblick onto the fairway would
28:38be the intelligent shot.
28:39Oh, I agree.
28:41Leaving us with a simple pitch onto the green.
28:43Ah, yes, but we Worcesters are made of sterner stuff.
28:45Hand me my number two iron.
28:48Very good, sir.
28:51Thank you, Jeeves.
28:57Very good, sir.
28:59Thank you, Jeeves.
29:02Say that again?
29:03Well, part of the secret I've found is not to close my eyes till I'm almost at the top
29:07of the backswing.
29:09Very interesting.
29:10That's what two pounds Dan you owe me.
29:13I'll just get some change in the bar.
29:17Wait here for five minutes.
29:28One, two, three.
29:30One, two, three.
29:33One, two, three.
29:47Nine, two, three, four, five.
29:49I fancy, however, that our next stroke may pose as some small difficulty.
29:56what a ridiculous place to leave a tree right
30:03yes i think um i think stroke and distance don't you eh jeeves
30:07just shin up there and get it for me would you
30:14i say jeeves isn't that harold the page boy over there yes sir i believe he comes here
30:20caddying on his days off the few shillings he earns buys food to supplement his diet
30:25hmm well whoever owns that club he's ruining isn't going to be too pleased
30:30enjoyed the game steggles me too hey you
30:44well i don't see that it affects us we're all at a good price i put us on at anti
30:48-post
30:48stalls for this very reason so that we'd have nothing to lose by harold's form becoming known
30:52it affects us all right if it doesn't start at all what do you mean jeeves said steggles may try
30:57to
30:57novel him before the race begins no good lord there's all sorts of ways of noveling favorites
31:03you ought to read some of those racing novels in pipped at the post lord jasper maleverer outs
31:08bonnie betsy by bribing the head lad to slip a cobra into her stalls the night before the derby
31:12well i can't imagine where steggles is going to get hold of a cobra you wouldn't like to stand guard
31:17in harold's room with you freddie no fear what are the chances of a cobra biting harold do you think
31:23well from the look of harold it's the snake i'd be worried about
31:28so as we look around the valley of our lives do we like ezekiel see nothing but dry bones
31:38do we like ezekiel doubt the lord's capacity to animate these bones
31:45do we doubt the lord's miraculous powers do we shake our heads when the lord asks us can these bones
31:55live
31:58oh do we with the lord's help
32:05do we with the lord's help put breath back into these bones it is up to us isn't it
32:20oh
32:24Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Someone put a beetle down my back!
32:37Nothing! I felt it wriggling!
32:39It's disgraceful behavior, these guys. It was very enjoyable, sir.
32:43I have warned you about this before.
32:45Surely good, Peter. Well done.
32:47So glad. Spread it, spread it.
32:48From this moment, you cease to be a member of my choir.
32:55Go, miserable boy!
32:57I didn't want to be in your rotten choir anyway!
33:00Those bets, old boy. I'm afraid you lose your money.
33:04What do you mean?
33:05As I recall them, the race rules read,
33:07open to all those members of the choir
33:09whose voices have been broken before the second Sunday in Epiphany.
33:13Members of the choir, you notice.
33:16Oh, my lord, all the...
33:17It's a pity you didn't opt for the starting price.
33:20I always think SP is the only safe way.
33:26They talk about the purity of the turf.
33:30A most ingenious young gentleman, Mr. Steggles, sir.
33:34Bally Swindler, you mean?
33:35It would now seem that for this afternoon's sports
33:37we rely entirely upon Mrs. Penworthy and the mother's sack race.
33:41Not entirely, Jates.
33:42Indeed, sir.
33:43Now I've entered bingo in the 80 yards dash for mature gentlemen.
33:47Mr. Little, sir?
33:48I can't seem to buck him over this myrtle business
33:50and a win on the field of tournay does wonders
33:52in the way of impressing the ladies.
33:55If I may say so, sir,
33:57I think that when the organisers use the word mature,
33:59they are in fact using it as a euphemism for elderly.
34:03Quite.
34:04So you'll obviously start as favourite.
34:05Now, if we put, say, 50 pounds on bingo to win,
34:09well, the syndicate can take Steggles to the cleaners.
34:13Yes, if I may also say so,
34:14I think that Mr. Little is bound to start such a very short offer.
34:17Oh, tush, Jeeves.
34:18Faint heart never won lots of money.
34:2150 pounds on Mr. Little to win.
34:22I fear, sir,
34:24that even so substantial an investment as 50 pounds
34:27will yield little more than pennies.
34:29All right, then.
34:30Make it...
34:32A hundred.
34:34I still believe, sir.
35:01All right, everything's on the conformer, dear.
35:03Not too hot, Pat, Dale.
35:05Hildy, not too hard.
35:06Everything's all right, Dale.
35:08That's fine.
35:09Now, just...
35:12Hildy!
35:15The entrance is closed for all events in ten minutes.
35:20Come along, please.
35:31There's a slight rise in the ground to the right of the track,
35:34so stay in lanes one or two if you can.
35:35All the way, Mr. Penworthy.
35:37What's the going like, Jeeves?
35:38Good to firm, sir.
35:40I'm afraid it'll suit Mrs. Hodges.
35:41She likes to feel the ground.
35:43I'm not afraid of no Mrs. Hodges.
35:45No, no, no, no, no.
35:47Of course not.
35:47Ruffish, sure, yes.
35:52Roll up, roll up.
35:53Three shies a penny.
35:55Three shies a penny.
35:56Mr. Merkle, don't look.
35:58What are you telling me for, then?
35:59Oh, look at her, Bertie.
36:01You just want me not to?
36:02She walks in beauty like a wassit, Bertie.
36:04Why don't you go and speak to her?
36:06Oh, I couldn't.
36:07Have I?
36:08Three shies a penny.
36:10All cabos from the three-legged race,
36:12report to the starters table now.
36:15And, Cynthia, starters' orders.
36:17Take over, Mavis.
36:18Righto, Cynthia.
36:20We're back to winner on this one.
36:21And, what's more, Mr. and Mrs. Puckeridge
36:23are completely incorruptible.
36:37On your marks!
36:40Get set!
36:43Go!
36:44Go!
36:45Go!
36:49Go!
36:51Go!
36:54Go!
36:56Go!
37:09The Strow chap, could I crave a boon?
37:12Anything, sir.
37:12I hear young Staddles is making a book on the sports.
37:15Would you place a bet for me?
37:17Here you go.
37:17Oh.
37:19What are you doing with that money?
37:20Well, I was just asking young Wuster here to buy me a slice of Eccles cake, my dear.
37:24Any Eccles cake that you require, Hugo, I will go.
37:29Come.
37:2921 or over, you get a prize.
37:32Come on, come on, come on.
37:54Here, I'll show you.
38:13Vicar!
38:16Thank you, my dear.
38:17Thank you so much, Vicar. Good luck.
38:19Ah, Worcester, my dear fellow.
38:21I must say I'm delighted at the way you young chaps are throwing yourself in the spirit of our little
38:26festivity.
38:28Oh, nothing I like better, Vicar.
38:29Even Rupert Steggles.
38:31Between ourselves, I have never thought of Rupert Steggles as the sort of chap who'd put himself out to further
38:36the enjoyment of others.
38:38And yet, twice in the last half hour, I have seen him escort Mrs. Penworthy to the refreshment tent.
38:46Mr. Worcester, I will...
38:53There you are.
38:56Excuse me.
38:57Sorry, sorry.
38:58Yes, sorry.
38:59Excuse me.
39:00Sorry.
39:02Um...
39:02Excuse me, this hat.
39:04Oh, Mrs. Penworthy's.
39:06Mrs. Penworthy's that hat, isn't it, Doris?
39:08Mrs. Penworthy's, yes.
39:10She was here with that Mr. Steggles.
39:11Steggles.
39:12Did you serve her any drink?
39:13No, it was the food, wasn't it, Daisy?
39:16Well, I thought it must be for a party.
39:18Four of them pork pies he bought her.
39:20And three pieces of fruitcake.
39:22And then she had two servings of the trifle after the ice cream.
39:28And then it was to come out.
39:29After the fun of Mrs. Penworthy's.
39:30Get set, go!
39:32Out of yourIf.
39:32Go!
39:34Go!
39:36Go!
39:37Go!
39:37And go!
39:38Go!
39:39Go!
39:40Go!!
39:41Go!
39:50Go!
39:54You seem very interested in the mother's sacrifice, Mr. Worcester.
39:58What? Uh, no.
39:59Oh, well, I should say yes.
40:01Um, development of the thoroughbred, you know.
40:09Thoroughbred?
40:13Right, Jeeves, the hour approaches.
40:15A hundred pounds, Mr. Little, on the nose.
40:17A hundred pounds.
40:19Give me that.
40:20A hundred pounds, Bert.
40:21Bingo, I want to show you another.
40:23Yes, sir.
40:27Well done, Mr. Duncan.
40:28And now, Miss Swatchwatson.
40:31Thank you, Vicar.
40:33Only four competitors hit the bell so far.
40:42Oh, I'm sorry.
40:49Oh, dear.
40:50I don't know what to...
40:52I think we should have to cancel the event.
40:55That's right.
40:56Come on, darling.
40:57Oh, no, we're not going to choose from now.
40:59Come on, come on, Dan.
41:01This is rapidly turning into a rout.
41:04You're our last chance, Bingo.
41:06Suppose I lose, though.
41:07You can't possibly lose.
41:09Your youngest competitor is 65, and his bunions were playing him up this morning.
41:17You can get a bet on for me, Cynthia, can't you?
41:19All right, Daddy.
41:19But for goodness sake, don't tell Mummy.
41:21Don't tell Mummy what?
41:23Three shies, darling.
41:26Here you are.
41:26He'll go, dear.
41:27Well, I hope you'll see you, then.
41:29I hope you'll see you, then.
41:42I hope you'll see you, then.
41:57We went to see her.
41:58Oh, it was awful.
42:00Well, you're quite safe down here.
42:03Now, tell me, Bertie, is the vicar about anywhere?
42:07Absolutely. He's over there.
42:09Why?
42:11Want to get the bans read, as a matter of fact.
42:13Before she catches up with us.
42:15Come on, piggy!
42:21I'd say, Chiefs, you couldn't hang on to this boy during the race, could you?
42:24Great pleasure, sir.
42:25May I introduce Beryl, sir?
42:29Beryl, this is Mr. Little.
42:32I say.
42:34Mr. Little is the gentleman who is going to win the 80 yards dash forward.
42:40Oh, I'm so looking forward to the race, Mr. Little.
42:44Richard's the name.
42:45I know you'll win.
42:48Well.
42:49Good luck, Richard.
42:53Hello.
42:56My friends call me Bingo.
43:02Oh, sorry.
43:04Sorry.
43:05The mature gentleman's race is about to begin.
43:08Assemble at the start, gentlemen.
43:10Please.
43:26I say, James, have you seen Bingo?
43:28That's Mr. Little coming up to the start now, sir.
43:33Right, I shall be watching this one from the tape.
43:35Very good, sir.
43:48Come on, Bingo.
43:49Come on, Bingo.
43:52Come on, Bingo.
43:54Mr. Little.
43:57Richard.
44:02Richard.
44:03Bingo.
44:17Oh, my God, my God, my God, my God, my God.
44:41If you'll just dream of this, sir.
44:44This is the end, Jeeves. Everything we've worked and prayed for.
44:47A hundred pounds, Jeeves.
44:52The darkest hour is proverbially just before the dawn, sir.
44:56I say, Jeeves!
44:58Have you seen Beryl?
45:00Not since the race, sir.
45:01I've got to find it, Jeeves. What a wonderful girl.
45:04Yes, sir. Would you care for your jacket, sir?
45:07Thank you, Jeeves.
45:08Thank you. Thank you.
45:13How could he lose, Jeeves?
45:16That fellow who won Charlie Benbow was old enough to give Bingo's grandmother the glad eye.
45:26Mr. Steggall's.
45:29Excuse me. Excuse me.
45:31Excuse me.
45:34Betting slips?
45:36No, I...
45:37You may catch the train, Director London, Mr. Steggall's.
45:40Your things will be sent on.
45:41As for your ill-gotten gains, they will go towards the new church roof.
45:57It can all be arranged all next year.
45:59Thank you so much.
46:01Goodbye, Vicar.
46:02Goodbye.
46:02Goodbye, Vicar.
46:07Ah, Vicar.
46:09A little something for the fun.
46:18Well, you'll very well pardon me for saying so, Jeeves, but you seem to have landed us in a complete
46:24mess.
46:25All right, then, was it, Mr. Jeeves?
46:27Beautifully judged, Beryl, thank you.
46:29Now, see you later in the Five Crowns.
46:31All right, Mr. Jeeves. Bye-bye.
46:36Yes, sir.
46:37Probably none of my business, Jeeves, but may I ask you what you were thanking that young lady for?
46:41I have a confession to make, sir.
46:44Oh, yes?
46:45I requested the girl, Beryl, to shout at Mr. Little at the strategic moment.
46:49You did what, Jeeves?
46:51I surmise that Myrtle is a large-hearted girl who would more readily sympathise with a gallant loser, sir.
46:57Yes, the bingo doesn't care a thing about Myrtle.
46:59You heard him. It's all Beryl now.
47:01Yes, sir, I must confess that where the fair sex is concerned, Mr. Little is rather quicker out of the
47:06gate than even I had imagined.
47:07So, you ruined the syndicate just for bingo.
47:11Not quite, sir. The syndicate is willing to profit, I'm happy to say.
47:15Oh, profit, Jeeves?
47:17Every single thing we backed was either scratched, axed, nobbled, or fell at the first fence.
47:22We lost a hundred pounds on bingo alone.
47:26What do you mean, uh-uh-uh-um?
47:28Is that a, uh-uh-uh-um of remorse, Jeeves?
47:31I hope so.
47:32I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to place the bet on Mr. Little, sir.
47:36What?
47:37Jeeves, I distinctly told you.
47:42Oh.
47:43You mean we didn't lose the hundred?
47:46Indeed not, sir.
47:47I took it into my head to put what I believe is called in racing parlance a bundle on Charlie
47:52Benbow at 15 to 1, sir.
47:55Fifteen to 1, sir.
47:57Jeeves.
47:58A further safeguard, of course, was to collect our winnings before I informed Lady Wickamsley of Mr. Stegall's activities.
48:06Jeeves, you're a wonder.
48:10Thank you, sir.
48:11We do our best.
48:12We do our best.
48:45We do our best.
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