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Jeeves and Wooster S01E01 Jeeves Takes Charge
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00:00Tum-tum-tum
00:03Tum-tum-tum
01:00This is one of the most shameful cases ever to come before this bench.
01:09In all my years as a magistrate, I have seldom heard a tale of such canous iniquity.
01:21Be quiet!
01:26This parasite can think of no better way to end an evening's hooliganism
01:33on the night of the university boat race.
01:36Can our seats of learning produce barbarians so lost to decency
01:43that their highest ambition is to steal a hard-working police constable's helmet?
01:50Let me off with it.
01:51I find you guilty as charged Bertram Wilberforce Worcester
02:02and have no alternative but to fine you the sum of five pounds.
02:09No buts, was there?
02:13Ah, oh.
02:15No ifs.
02:18Take him away.
02:23Away, I say!
02:36We're here, Gav.
02:38Free Bob.
02:54Good morning, Mr. Worcester.
03:43Oh, my God.
03:58Oh, my God.
04:45I was sent by the agency, sir.
04:48I was given to understand that you required a valid.
04:54Very good, sir.
05:00Oh, my God.
05:10Oh, my God.
05:24Last night, sir?
05:26Oh, my God.
05:28Oh, my God.
05:35Oh, my God.
05:42Oh, my God.
05:47Oh, my God.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:57Oh, my God.
06:22Oh, my God.
06:24Oh, my God.
06:25Oh, my God.
06:25Evening.
06:51I say!
07:00I say!
07:03You're engaged.
07:04Thank you, sir.
07:05My name is Jeeves.
07:07I say, Jeeves, what an extraordinary talent!
07:11Thank you, sir.
07:12Could one inquire?
07:14I'm sorry, sir.
07:15No, no, of course not.
07:16I'm not at liberty to divulge the ingredients, sir.
07:19No, no, no, of course. Secrets of the Guild and all that.
07:22Precisely, sir.
07:23Hmm, hmm.
07:27Ha!
07:31Forty-seven ginger and every single...
07:35...coming them across the briny sea.
07:42I say!
07:44I say hello!
07:46Hello!
07:47I want to get in.
07:49You'll have to come this way, I'm afraid.
07:50We can't shift him.
07:52Oh.
07:52I was having to have a snifter before lunch.
07:54Sound idea.
07:55Anyone in the bar?
07:57Barmy Fungy Phipps.
07:58Barmy Fungy Phipps.
07:58Is he?
07:58Woofie Simpson and Freddy Chalk Marshall.
08:00Really?
08:01The Worcester twins, of course.
08:03What, Eustace and Claude?
08:04You know them?
08:05Well, they're my cousins.
08:06You must be Bertie Worcester.
08:08I am.
08:08I'm Rainsby.
08:09How do you do?
08:10You'd better come in.
08:17Well, not all that.
08:21It's not right, Mr. Worcester.
08:23I'm the one the committee's going to blame for this, you know.
08:25They can't abide Moses.
08:27The committee can't.
08:28Oh, I think it adds a certain what's it.
08:31Come on, Rogers, do give me a hand.
08:35Here we go.
08:36Here we go.
08:48Bertie.
08:49Cousin Bertie.
08:50Did you meet young dog face, Senor Wayne?
08:52I met someone called Rainsby in the hall with a moose.
08:55Elk.
08:56Sorry.
08:56It's a common enough mistake.
08:58It was a mistake.
08:59Pinching it.
09:00Where did you see it from?
09:01Oh, I don't know.
09:02Some big museum place?
09:03In Kensington.
09:04I don't think I've ever been to Kensington.
09:06Hello, Bobby.
09:07Yes, you have.
09:08Your mother lives there.
09:09Oh.
09:10That Kensington.
09:11So what do you want it for?
09:12It's for the Seekers.
09:14And what are the Seekers?
09:15It's a club in Oxford.
09:16Eustace and I are rather keen to get in.
09:18Rainsby, too.
09:19But you have to pinch something to get elected.
09:22Now, touching that lunch, you very decently were going to volunteer to stand us.
09:25Can't be done, I'm afraid.
09:27I've got to have lunch with our Aunt Agatha.
09:28Oh.
09:29Not the nephew crusher.
09:38Bertie.
09:39Aunt Agatha.
09:41It is young men like you who make a person with the future of the race at heart of despair.
09:47Oh.
09:47Right.
09:49Cursed with too much money, you do nothing but waste your time on frivolous pleasures.
09:54You are simply an antisocial animal.
09:58A drone.
10:00Bertie, you must marry.
10:04Oh, I say, really.
10:06Aunt Agatha.
10:08Will you be quiet?
10:15There, Macintosh.
10:17You want someone strong, self-reliant and sensible.
10:23No, I don't.
10:23To counteract the deficiencies of your own character.
10:27And by great good fortune, I have found the very girl.
10:31Oh?
10:31Who is it?
10:32Sir Roderick Glossop's daughter, Honoria.
10:35No!
10:35Don't be silly, Bertie.
10:38What?
10:39Sit down and eat your luncheon.
10:41What?
10:42What?
10:44Oh, she is just the wife for you.
10:48Really?
10:48Look here.
10:49She will mold you.
10:50I don't want to be molded.
10:51I'm not a jelly.
10:52Well, that is a matter of opinion.
10:55Lady Glossop has very kindly invited you to Ditteridge Hall for a few days.
10:59I told her you would be delighted to come down this afternoon.
11:04Oh, what a pity.
11:05I'm so sorry.
11:06I've got a dashed important engagement this afternoon.
11:09Nonsense.
11:10You will go to Ditteridge Hall this afternoon.
11:15Right.
11:29Oh, Jeeves, we shall be going down to Ditteridge this afternoon.
11:32Can you manage that?
11:33Certainly, sir.
11:34Will we be travelling by train, sir?
11:36By train, yes.
11:37People by the name of Glossop.
11:38Would that be Sir Roderick Glossop, the noted nerve specialist, sir?
11:41That's the one.
11:42Very good, sir.
11:43Which suit would you wear, sir?
11:45Oh, this one, I should think.
11:49Very good, sir.
11:50Don't you like this suit, Jeeves?
11:52Oh, yes, sir.
11:54Oh.
12:04What don't you like about this suit, Jeeves?
12:06It's a very nice suit, sir.
12:09Well, what's wrong with it?
12:10Come on, out with it.
12:11Well, sir, if I might make the suggestion, if we are to travel by train, perhaps a simple
12:15brown Harris tweed, such as this might be more appropriate.
12:19Oh, that's absolute rocks, Jeeves.
12:21Very good, sir.
12:23Perfectly blithering, my dear man.
12:25Just as you say, sir.
12:26Yeah, all right then.
12:29Yes, sir.
12:51All right then.
12:53Yes, sir.
12:54I am not one of those fellows who become absolute slaves to their valets.
12:58No, sir.
12:59Well, as long as we understand each other.
13:03Perfectly, sir.
13:05I hate to go.
13:21Thank you so much.
13:25Thank you so much.
13:33I'll try and get you.
13:38I say!
13:39Oh, steady on!
13:41Is that Bingo Little?
13:43Me? Yes.
13:45That's not Bertie Worcester.
13:47It is!
13:49I haven't seen you for ages, Bingo.
13:51I've been living in the country.
13:53Really? Whereabouts in the country?
13:55Well, here, as a matter of fact.
13:56But why? You hate the country.
13:58Yes, I know. I got a job tutoring the Glossop Kid.
14:00What do you want to tutor the Glossop Kid for?
14:02Money, Bertie. Moolah. Oof. Spondulix.
14:05Oh, well, yes.
14:07Oh, yes. The only one of the family I know is the girl on Laurier.
14:10Oh, Bertie.
14:12What?
14:13I worship her, Bertie. I worship the very ground she treads on, a tender goddess.
14:18Big girl. Sporty.
14:19Strong and upright and wonderful.
14:21Well, yes. It's a matter of...
14:24Wait a minute. Have you told her?
14:26Not yet. I haven't got the nerve.
14:29Well, we walk together in the gardens most evenings, and it sometimes seems to me there's a look in her
14:33eye.
14:34Yes, I know that look. Like a sergeant major.
14:40Is that the kid?
14:42Yes. He's fishing.
14:45I'll introduce you, if you like.
14:48This is Oswald. Bertie Worcester.
14:51Well, well, Oswald. How are you?
14:53All right.
14:55Nice place, this.
14:56It's all right.
14:57Like fishing, do you?
14:59It's all right.
15:07Why don't you shove him in?
15:09In the water.
15:10You'll wake him up a bit.
15:11She'll never forgive me. She's devoted to the little brute.
15:15Great Scott! I've got it!
15:17Listen, Bingo, Honoria's away, isn't she?
15:19She's coming back tomorrow.
15:20She's coming, my love, my own.
15:23Yes, fine. Absolutely.
15:24But you still want to make a hit with her, don't you, Bingo?
15:26Yes.
15:27Bless you, my child. You can do it.
15:29How, Bertie, how?
15:30It's very simple.
15:40It's all in the wrist action, you see.
15:41You've got to get the flip forward first to disengage with the chin strap.
15:45That's where Barmy Fungie Phipps went wrong on New Year's Eve.
15:48Is that a person?
15:49A Barmy?
15:50Well, there's some dispute about that.
15:53But, you see, what he did was to pull straight back on the helmet,
15:55and the policewoman came with it.
15:57Oh, but he must have been hurt.
15:59Barmy? No. Just a couple of bruises.
16:01I think my wife was referring to the policeman.
16:05No, no, no, no, no, no. Not a bit of it, no.
16:07They enjoy it, like foxes.
16:09Foxes?
16:10How they enjoy being hunted.
16:11Oh, yes.
16:12Oh, but foxes are vermin, Mr. Worcester.
16:16Nasty, cunning creatures, like cats.
16:19Lady Glossop and I dislike cats.
16:22We hate them.
16:23Nasty, cruel beasts.
16:25Now, let me try to understand this, Mr. Worcester.
16:28Uh, policemen, you say, enjoy having their helmets stolen?
16:32Well, uh, yes.
16:34Yes, I think they try and enter into the spirit of the thing, don't you think, big girl?
16:38Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.
16:41But what is the point of it?
16:43Point?
16:45Well, it's, um, it's tradition, really.
16:47It's, it's part of the rich tapestry of our island story.
16:50It's, um...
16:51Completely stupid.
16:53You mustn't be rude, Oswald.
16:55No, no, no, no. That's all right. That's all right.
16:58He's young.
16:59He'll learn.
17:09What sort of a day is it, Jeeves?
17:11Extremely clement, sir.
17:12With the promise of further fine weather to come.
17:15Excellent.
17:16Just the sort of day for pushing cheeky young blighters off bridges, I should think.
17:20I couldn't say, sir.
17:22Shall I lay out our grey flannel trousers and the checked sports coat for this morning, sir?
17:26I mean, yes, yes, yes.
17:30I expect you're wondering what I meant by that last remark, eh, Jeeves?
17:33I should be most interested to know, sir.
17:37Oh, well, right. Well, I've had rather a stunning idea, Jeeves.
17:42Indeed, sir?
17:44You see, my friend Bingo Little is, well, more than a little smitten with the daughter of the house.
17:51Miss Honoria Glossop, sir?
17:53As you say, Jeeves, Miss Honoria Glossop.
17:55How do you know about Honoria Glossop?
17:57There was some discussion in the servants' hall last evening, sir.
18:01I'm given to understand she is a healthy young lady, sir.
18:05Yes, well, that's a very good way of putting it, Jeeves.
18:08Thank you, sir.
18:10And Mr. Little is enamoured of her, sir.
18:12Indeed he is.
18:13The trouble is, the poor sap can't bring himself to pop the question.
18:16A common enough predicament, sir?
18:18Well, possibly, Jeeves, possibly.
18:19Anyway, your employer, fired, I must confess, by the fact that my aunt Agatha has me earmarked
18:25for Honoria, unless I can layer off onto someone else, has come up with a novel and foolproof
18:29solution to the problem.
18:30This is very gratifying news, sir.
18:33Yes, well, we thought so.
18:34Bingo and I, yes.
18:35What it is, is this.
18:37Miss Glossop's young brother, Oswald, is, by way of being, the apple of his sister's eye.
18:42Human nature is very mysterious, sir.
18:45Yeah, well, my thoughts precisely, Jeeves.
18:47Anyway, my plan is to lure Honoria to the vicinity of the bridge, and then surreptitiously
18:53push the little blighter into the lake.
18:55Mr. Little will thereupon hop out from behind the bulrushes where he's been waiting, rescue
18:59Oswald, and have professions of undying love showered upon him by a grateful sister.
19:06What's the matter, Jeeves?
19:08I couldn't advise it, sir.
19:11Couldn't advise it?
19:12What do you mean, you couldn't advise it?
19:13It's just my opinion, sir, that your plan has too many imponderables.
19:20No, no, only Oswald's going to be imponderable.
19:25Imponderable.
19:27Thank you, sir.
19:28Yes.
19:31And if I might say so, sir, any undertaking that requires the presence of four people in
19:37one place at the same time, while two of them are unaware of the fact, is fraught with the
19:43possibility of mishap, sir.
19:45Oh, boulder-dash, Jeeves.
19:48Not to say flat-doodle.
19:51Very good, sir.
19:52Very good, sir.
19:52No, I'm sorry, Jeeves, but when you've been a little longer in my employ, you will come
19:56to understand that all my chums rely heavily on your employer's wisdom and knowledge of human
20:01nature in the conduct of their affairs.
20:02Just as you say, sir.
20:04Not to mention my organizational powers and just plain thingness.
20:11Will that be all, sir?
20:13Yes, that'll be all, thank you.
20:14Just, um...
20:17No, that'll be all.
20:18Thank you, Jeeves.
20:20Very good, sir.
20:48Good morning, Mr. Worcester.
20:50Oh, good morning, Lady Glosser.
20:51Do a sit down.
20:53I, uh, was looking for Oswald.
20:56Oswald?
20:57Uh, yes, well, he's probably getting ready to go fishing, I should think.
21:00At least I hope so.
21:01You hope so?
21:03Uh, yes, well, you know, fishing is a good healthy pursuit for a young lad.
21:06Character building, too.
21:08Acting against the mighty forces of Mother Nature.
21:11Yes, Orfie Prosser once asked Boko Fiddleworth down to his place for some fly fishing.
21:15Poor old Boko couldn't fathom why anyone would want to catch flies.
21:20Oh, still, that's Boko for you.
21:21Do you always breakfast at this hour, Mr. Worcester?
21:24Oh, good Lord, no.
21:25No, no, no.
21:25Only if I get up early.
21:27Sir Roderick was on his way to London at eight o'clock.
21:31Really?
21:32He had an urgent call from the Bishop of Hackney.
21:35Ah, the old bish got a few pages stuck together, did he?
21:38My husband is not in the book trade, Mr. Worcester.
21:41He is a well-known nerve specialist.
21:44Yes, that's what I said.
21:45That was some dashed interesting work, it must be, too.
21:48Do you work, Mr. Worcester?
21:52What, work as in honest toil, you mean?
21:55Yes.
21:57Hewing the wood and drawing the old wet stuff and so forth.
22:00Quite.
22:01Well, I've known a few people who worked.
22:03I absolutely swear by it, some of them.
22:05What?
22:06Boko Fittleworth almost had a job once.
22:09Who is this Boko Fittleworth you keep talking about?
22:13Boko?
22:13You don't know Boko?
22:14No.
22:16Good Lord, I thought everybody knew Boko.
22:19I do not.
22:20Looks like a parrot with a molt.
22:23No.
22:25Once put his shirt on Silly Billy to win the Cesaro Witch and Lady of Spain beat him by a
22:29nose.
22:30I have never met Boko Fittleworth.
22:33No, well, I couldn't recommend it wholeheartedly anyway.
22:35He's an acquired taste, Boko.
22:37At least that's what his mother says.
22:39You were telling me how he once got a job.
22:42Oh, yes.
22:43Well, Boko's got an uncle in the city, you see.
22:45He broke stocks or something like that.
22:46And he offered Boko this job and Boko accepted it.
22:49I don't think either of them could have been firing on all cylinders, to be honest, at the time.
22:52Anyway, chaos obviously ensued until Boko saw sense and gave it all up.
22:56Well, then we had to take it in turns to go around and sit with him until he'd calmed down.
23:01How would you ever support a wife, Mr. Worcester?
23:06Well, it depends on whose wife it was.
23:07I would have said a bit of gentle pressure beneath the left elbow when crossing a busy street normally fills
23:12the bill.
23:19Bertie!
23:20Bingo!
23:21She telephoned me.
23:22She phoned you, eh?
23:24Well, that's good, isn't it?
23:25Shows a friendly spirit.
23:26Well, she didn't phone me exactly.
23:28I mean, I picked the phone up because I was standing beside it.
23:31What did she say?
23:32She said, let me talk to someone with a brain.
23:34Ah, but it was friendly, the way she said it.
23:39Ow!
23:40Go and start in Latin.
23:42Did she say what time she'd be back?
23:43In about an hour, she said.
23:45And when was that?
23:46About an hour ago.
23:47She's bringing a friend, Daphne Braithwaite or something her name is.
23:50Very well, then.
23:51Twelve o'clock.
23:52What?
23:58Twelve o'clock, the bridge, Oswald.
24:00Oh, right, yes.
24:03We're still on for that, then, are we?
24:04Well, absolutely.
24:05You still want to bring Honoria to her knees, don't you?
24:08Oh, Bertie, she's such a wonderful person.
24:10She has been.
24:10Yes, fine.
24:11So, twelve o'clock, you be hidden in the bulrushes by the bridge.
24:14Oh, Bertie, do you really think she's...
24:15I'll see you later.
24:15Yeah.
24:16Yeah.
24:41Oh, leave the bags.
24:42Bertie will get them.
24:44Bertie!
24:48Come inside.
24:49I want to show you some of the things I shot last week.
24:54Hello, Honoria.
24:55Oh, it's that Bertie Worcester.
24:56What's he doing here?
24:58What are you doing here, Bertie?
25:00Oh, you know, this and that, hither and yon.
25:03This is my friend, Daphne Braithwaite.
25:05How do you do?
25:06Bertie's a wastrel.
25:07Oh, goody.
25:08At least that's what his aunt Agatha says.
25:12Come on, Daphne.
25:15See you later, Bertie.
25:17Oh, will I?
25:18Yes.
25:19Yes, see you later, Daphne.
25:21Oh, I say.
25:23Um, Honoria.
25:24What?
25:25Um, will you come for a walk with me?
25:27What?
25:28You know, a walk.
25:31Burkett, the bags.
25:33What for?
25:35Uh, I want to tell you something.
25:37Really?
25:38Now?
25:38No, no.
25:39Uh, in about half an hour.
25:42Right.
25:42No, no, no.
25:44That's when, uh, that's when, that's when.
25:46Uh, in about 20 minutes by the bridge.
25:49Why in 20 minutes?
25:51It'll be better then.
26:04Hello, Mummy.
26:05I'm back.
26:06Did you have a nice time at the Braithwaite, sir?
26:08Lovely, yes.
26:09I brought Daphne back with me.
26:11Close the door a moment, Honoria.
26:18Come and sit down.
26:24I have been talking to Mr. Worcester.
26:27Yes, I saw him.
26:28What's he doing here?
26:29Mrs. Gregson sent him.
26:31What on earth for?
26:32He doesn't shoot.
26:34He doesn't hunt.
26:35It is your birthday next week, Honoria.
26:38I hope she didn't send him down as a present.
26:41You will be 24.
26:45Oh, no.
26:47It is a good family, Honoria.
26:49Oh, honestly, Mummy, he doesn't work even.
26:52He told me this morning he has been thinking about work.
26:57He is not all your father and I would have hoped for for you, I agree, but...
27:02Surely you could make something of him.
27:08Is he keen at all?
27:10Oh, I'm sure he is.
27:13You know how these young men try to hide their feelings.
27:33Keep still, you ass.
27:34She'll see you.
27:36Don't sniff.
27:38Right, here she comes.
27:46Ah.
27:49Well?
27:49Yes, I was just thinking.
27:51What?
27:52Yes, this may sound a bit rummy on all that, but there is someone here who is frightfully
27:57in love with you and so forth.
28:00A friend of mine, as a matter of fact.
28:01Well, why doesn't he say so?
28:04He simply hasn't got the nerve.
28:06Worship's the ground you tread on.
28:07And all that, but just can't whack up the ginger to tell you.
28:10This is very interesting.
28:12Is it?
28:12Hmm.
28:13Ah, well, anyway, that's the position.
28:14Um, so, just bear it in mind, eh?
28:16Oh, Bertie, how funny you are.
28:19I wish you wouldn't make all that row.
28:21You're scaring the fish away.
28:23Oswald, you shouldn't sit on the bridge like that.
28:26He might easily fall in.
28:29Might he?
28:30Oh, well, I'll, um, I'll go and tell him.
28:35Hello.
28:36Hello.
28:36Fishing, eh?
28:43Here, watch out.
28:46Ah!
28:48Oh, help!
28:52Help him!
28:57Help!
28:58What are you doing?
29:00Help!
29:17Oswald!
29:17Oh, my God!
29:26Oswald!
29:28Come on!
29:30Yes!
29:31Yes!
29:33Now, stay out!
29:35Absolutely perfect!
29:40Oswald!
29:43Oswald!
29:45Are you all right?
29:46He pushed me!
29:48He's mad!
29:49No, you run along and change your clothes!
29:52Oh, Loria!
29:57Oh, Bertie, you are funny!
29:59First proposing to me in that extraordinary roundabout way,
30:02and then pushing poor little Oswald into the lake
30:04so as to impress me by saving him!
30:07No, no, no!
30:07Now, you run straight up into the house
30:09and change your wet clothes before you catch your death of cold!
30:11No, no, I...
30:11Go on!
30:15Oh, Bertie!
30:18Bertie!
30:19Just the man I wanted to see!
30:21Bertie, a wonderful thing has happened!
30:24Blighter!
30:25What became of you?
30:26Do you realise?
30:26Your clothes are all wet!
30:28Bertie, I was just on my way to hide in those rushes
30:31when the most extraordinary thing happened.
30:33Walking across the lawn, I saw the most radiant,
30:35the most beautiful girl in the world!
30:37We started to talk.
30:38Her name was Daphne Braithwaite Bertie.
30:40Our eyes met, and I knew at once
30:41that what I imagined to me in my love for Loria Glossop
30:43was a mere passing whim!
30:45Daphne's so wonderful, Bertie, like a tender goddess!
30:49But she's so sympathetic, Bertie.
30:51Daphne!
30:51Daphne!
30:54And I handicapped only six.
31:03It's funny how these things turn out, don't you think, Jeeves?
31:06Indeed, sir.
31:07Before we get Bingo under starter's orders, even, there he is,
31:10falling in love with this blessed sex handicapper.
31:13Still, I suppose at least it means he's been saved from the frightful honoria.
31:17True, sir, but if I might say so, sir,
31:21at a cost to yourself which might have caused other lesser men to blench.
31:26Oh, come, Jeeves.
31:28Slight dousing is no more than a chap might do for any chap under the cirques.
31:32It was not the dousing to which I was referring, sir, but to the engagement.
31:37Engagement?
31:39I was downstairs a few moments ago, sir,
31:41and could not help but overhear Miss Glossop announcing your engagement to her.
31:53Is it getting chilly in here, Jeeves?
31:55No, sir.
31:56Oh.
31:58Must be my imagination.
32:08Bertie was so sweet, Mrs Gregson, and so funny.
32:12I find it difficult to envisage.
32:14I shall be able to make something of him, I'm sure.
32:17Well, he has never completely wasted life up to the present.
32:20I say.
32:21Oh, be quiet, Bertie.
32:22But there's a lot of good in him.
32:24No, there isn't, actually.
32:25It simply wants bringing out.
32:27It's time I took you in hand, Bertie Wertie.
32:31You want someone to look after you.
32:33No, I don't.
32:34Really, I don't.
32:35Yes, you do.
32:37Bye-bye, Bertie.
32:38Goodbye, Mrs Gregson.
32:39Goodbye.
32:41Bertie.
32:42Yes, Aunt Agatha.
32:44Dear Honoria doesn't know it, but a little difficulty has arisen about your marriage.
32:49By Jove, really?
32:50Oh, it's nothing at all.
32:51Of course, it's only a little exasperating.
32:54No, the fact is that Glossops are being a little troublesome.
32:58Sir Roderick particularly so.
33:00Ah, thinks I'm not a good Bertie.
33:01Wants to scratch the fixture.
33:02Well, it's a shame that perhaps he's right at it.
33:04Hey, don't be so absurd, Bertie.
33:05It's nothing as serious as that.
33:07But a nerve specialist with his extensive practice can hardly help taking a rather warped
33:13view of humanity.
33:15You mean, he thinks I've got fewer marbles than advertised?
33:19Oh, no, no, no.
33:20Well, he just wants to satisfy himself that you are completely normal.
33:27Well, of all the blessed nerve.
33:29I mean, I'm not a chap to take offence, but...
33:31So, I have said that you will give them dinner this evening.
33:35Well, if he thinks I'm a raving loony.
33:36No, don't be silly, Bertie.
33:41And remember, the Glossops drink no wine.
33:45Yes, Aunt Agatha, I remember.
33:47And remember, Sir Roderick can eat only the simplest of foods owing to an impaired digestion.
33:53Yes, I should think a dog biscuit and a glass of water would about meet the case.
33:57Bertie!
33:58That is precisely the sort of idiotic remark that would be calculated to arouse Sir Roderick's
34:04strongest suspicions.
34:06He is a very serious-minded man.
34:36You're not Bertie.
34:37He's better looking than Bertie.
34:39He's better looking than Bertie.
34:39It's very kind of you to say so, sir.
34:41We're his cousins.
34:42I'm Claude Worcester.
34:43I'm Eustace Worcester.
34:44I'm not his cousin.
34:45I'm Rainsby.
34:46I'm delighted to meet you, Lord Rainsby.
34:48Won't you come in, please?
34:49What's your name?
34:50Jeeves, sir.
34:51I'm Mr. Worcester's new valet.
34:53The last one used to pinch his socks.
34:56Mr. Worcester is not in at the moment, sir, but I'm sure he would like me to offer you some
34:59refreshment.
35:00That's jolly decent of him, Jeeves.
35:02He has some Bollinger 27, which is particularly fun.
35:05It would be a shame to let it go off.
35:10Jeeves!
35:11Yes, sir?
35:12We've got some things down in the taxi which we want to take back to Oxford tonight.
35:16But the last train's not till 10.10.
35:19Say, were we invited to dinner?
35:23I regret not, sir.
35:25Anyway, we were going to ask Cousin Bertie if we could leave some things here until the train.
35:31I'm sorry, sir.
35:32I should have to ask Mr. Worcester's permission first.
35:35What manner of things might they be, sir?
35:38A top hat.
35:38A fish.
35:39And a couple of cats, of course.
35:43Cats, sir?
35:45Perhaps Mr. Worcester would not object.
35:47Oh, thank you, Jeeves.
35:49Dogface, go and get the stuff and bring it up.
35:51Right.
35:53Where is Bertie, anyway?
35:55He had an important meeting with Mr. Fungy Phipps, sir.
35:59Poor me, Fungy Phipps.
36:00I believe that is the subricade, sir, yes.
36:03Has the IQ of a backward clam?
36:05It's my understanding that amongst fellow members of the Drones Club he is considered something of a dangerous intellectual, sir.
36:11That's the one.
36:12Mr. Worcester informed me that he is attending the weekly meeting of the Drones Club Fine Arts Committee.
36:19No.
36:21Seven.
36:24Four.
36:26What's a king count as?
36:28Ten.
36:30What's a ten count as, then?
36:32Ten.
36:33Really?
36:34Tens and all picture cards count as ten.
36:36How long have you been playing this game, Barney?
36:39About an hour and a quarter.
36:41Anyhow, that's a leaner.
36:42Leaners only count half.
36:43Oh, good shot, Bertie.
36:46Well, my game, I think.
36:48You've not scored a hundred yet, have you?
36:50Five hundred.
36:51Oh, well.
36:52I thought we were playing to a hundred.
36:54Let's have another drink at the bar.
36:56Can't be done, I'm afraid, Boker.
36:57I've got people coming to dinner.
36:58Toodle-pip.
36:59Bye.
37:00What does sevens count as?
37:14This is a story about Minnie the Moocher.
37:18She was a low-down hoochie-coochie.
37:22She was the roughest, toughest, frail.
37:25But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale.
37:28Ho-dee, ho-dee, ho-dee, hoo.
37:30Ho-dee, ho-dee, ho-dee, hoo.
37:32Ro-dee, ro-dee, ro.
37:34Ro-dee, ro-dee, ro.
37:36Tee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.
37:38Tee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.
37:40But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale.
37:45You know, I can't help feeling, Jeeves, that I could do better justice to this song
37:49if I understood what the words meant.
37:51Oh, I doubt that, sir.
37:53I mean, all this ho-dee, ho-dee, ho stuff is pretty clear,
37:56but what do you suppose a hoochie-coochie is, exactly?
37:59It's difficult to say, sir,
38:01unless it's in connection with one of the demotic American words for ardent spirits.
38:05I'm thinking of hooch, a word of Eskimo origin, I'm informed.
38:09Tch, you barely well are informed, Jeeves.
38:11Do you know everything?
38:13I really don't know, sir.
38:16Hmm.
38:17Um...
38:18She had a dream about the King of Sweden.
38:22He gave her things that she was needing.
38:25Oh, you see, now that is clever, Jeeves.
38:28Really, sir?
38:29That line about the King of Sweden and things she was needing.
38:32Yes, His Majesty King Gustaf does seem to have been extraordinarily generous to the young lady, sir.
38:37No, no, no, no, no, no.
38:38I meant the fact that it rhymes, you see.
38:40Sweden.
38:41Needen.
38:42Almost, sir.
38:43Hmm.
38:44He gave her a hundred mills of gold and steel,
38:47a platinum car with diamond studded wheels,
38:50ho-dee, ho-dee, ho-dee-goo.
38:54I say, Jeeves, could you lend a hand here, do you think?
38:57Very good, sir.
38:58It's just that it's a bit difficult, you know, being just the one of me.
39:00It's a sort of call and response thing.
39:02I sing ho-dee, ho-dee, ho, and you have to go ho-dee, ho-dee, ho back.
39:06Do you understand?
39:07I think so, sir.
39:09Right, let's try it.
39:10Um, ho-dee, ho-dee, ho-dee, ho.
39:12Ho-dee, ho-dee, ho, sir.
39:14De-rah, de-rah, de-rah.
39:16Rah-dee, rah-dee, rah, sir.
39:18Tee-dee-hee-dee-hee.
39:20Tee-dee-hee-dee-hee, sir.
39:23Yes, I don't mean to be overly critical, Jeeves.
39:26I mean, I know you're doing your best.
39:28Thank you, sir.
39:29I just think that perhaps we could dispense with the sir at the end of every line.
39:33You know, it shows the proper feudal spirit and all that,
39:36but I'm afraid it does play merry hell with the rhythm of the thing.
39:39Very good, sir.
39:41All right.
39:43Ho-dee-ho-dee-ho.
39:45Ho-dee-ho-dee-ho.
39:46Tee-dee-hee-dee-hee.
39:48Tee-dee-hee-dee-hee.
39:50But many had a heart as big as a rock.
39:56Well, now, Jeeves, do you think I ought to sing Minnie the Moocher to the Glossops this evening?
40:00I shouldn't think it advisable, sir.
40:02I have not heard that Sir Roderick is musical.
40:04Ah, no, but Lady Glossop is.
40:07There is also that to be considered, sir.
40:10Well, now, what are you giving us for dinner tonight?
40:13Consomme, sir, a cutlet and a savoury.
40:16And some lemon squash, iced.
40:18Well, I don't see how that can harm them.
40:20Just don't get carried away with the excitement of the thing and start bringing in coffee.
40:25Very good, sir.
40:27Right. Stand by, Jeeves.
40:30Ha! Thinks I'm barmy, does he?
40:32We'll show him, eh, Jeeves?
40:34Indubitably, sir.
40:36Just don't let your eyes go glassy or you'll find yourself in a padded cell before you know where you
40:40are.
40:43What-ho, what-ho, what-ho!
40:45Good evening, Mr. Worcester.
40:48Good evening, Jeeves.
40:50Good evening, Lady Glossop.
40:51We're a little late, I'm afraid.
40:54Sir Roderick was detained at the Duke of Ram Firmlin's.
40:57Ram Firmlin?
40:58Yes, he, um, he's off his rocker, isn't he?
41:00There's nothing seriously wrong with his grace.
41:03It's merely unfortunate that his footman failed to give him his sugar this morning.
41:07Sugar?
41:07He likes a lump of sugar, first thing.
41:09His grace is under the impression that he is a canary.
41:13Oh, well, a mistake anyone might make.
41:15And as he didn't get his sugar, he flew into a temper and tried to perch on the picture rail.
41:22Well, it's not unreasonable.
41:23I rather feel like doing that in the mornings when I don't get my tea.
41:27Ah, right, so, shall we go to Fredian, then?
41:29Good.
41:39Uh, now, if I sit in the middle, uh, Lady Glossop, would you like to sit on my right?
41:45And Sir Roderick on my left.
41:47Uh, is that right?
41:49No, wait a minute.
41:50No, but Lady Glossop ought to sit in the middle.
41:52Um, ah, she's the only lady.
41:54Um, then we can sit either side.
41:56Shall we try that?
41:56Yes, Lady Glossop in the middle.
41:58Uh, yes, if you'd like to go on the other side, Sir Roderick, and I'll sit here.
42:02No, wait a minute.
42:03That's not right, is it?
42:04No, Sir Roderick ought to sit in the middle.
42:06Ah, well, he's the only knight.
42:07Ha-ha.
42:08Distinguished gent and all that.
42:09Yes, Sir Roderick in the middle.
42:10No, it's all right.
42:10We're getting there.
42:11We're getting there.
42:11Sir Roderick here.
42:12Uh, yes, if I can just squeeze past.
42:15Ha-ha.
42:16Uh, no, hold on, hold on.
42:17Can't have husband and wife sitting together.
42:19Uh, no, that's right.
42:20I'll sit in the middle.
42:21Uh, yes, and Sir Roderick on that side, and Lady Glossop on this side, if you wouldn't
42:24mind.
42:25There we go.
42:26Ha-ha-ha.
42:29Hold on.
42:29We're back where we started now.
42:30Uh, Mr. Worcester.
42:32Hello?
42:33Let us sit down.
42:36Oh, right.
42:37Yes.
42:38Good idea.
42:39Yes.
42:41Phew.
42:42I'm worn out.
42:42Ha-ha-ha.
42:44Uh, lemon squash, anyone?
42:46No, thank you.
42:46No, Sir Roderick?
42:57Oh, you say, Deavs, that soup doesn't look at all bad, does it?
42:59Thank you, sir.
43:05So, Sir Roderick, this Ram Firmlin fellow, does he get dressed up in yellow feathers and
43:10all that?
43:10Well, I mean, I know I would if I thought I was a canary.
43:13Ha-ha.
43:14Pretty bonnie!
43:15Ha-ha.
43:16Seriously, I mean, I'm, I'm jolly interested in people who get the Jim Jams because, well,
43:20some of my best friends...
43:21Hush!
43:24Do you keep a cat, Mr. Worcester?
43:27A cat?
43:28No.
43:28No.
43:28I had the distinct impression I heard a cat mewing, either in this room or very close
43:33at hand.
43:34No, no, well, it's probably a taxi or something in the street.
43:37A taxi, Mr. Worcester?
43:39Yes, well, taxis squawk a bit, don't they?
43:42Squawk?
43:42Yeah, it's rather like cats, in a way.
43:44Lady Glossop and I have a particular horror of cats.
43:48Oh, well, there you go, then.
43:49I don't much like taxis.
43:50Ha-ha-ha.
43:51Ha-ha-ha.
43:52Ha-ha-ha.
43:53My husband had an unfortunate experience with a taxi only this afternoon.
43:58Indeed, I did.
44:00I was about to be driven to the Duke of Ram Firmly's house in order...
44:03Or cage, as I expect he likes to call it.
44:05Ha-ha-ha.
44:06Anyway, I was sitting innocently in my car when my hat was snatched from my head.
44:12Now, as I looked back, I perceived it being waved in a kind of feverish triumph from the
44:17interior of a taxicab.
44:19Phew.
44:20What an extraordinary thing.
44:21Must have been some sort of practical joke, I suppose.
44:24I confess I failed to detect anything akin to comedy in the outrage.
44:29The action was without question that of a mentally unbalanced subject.
44:35Mr. Worcester, what is the meaning of this?
44:38Eh?
44:39There is a cat close at hand.
44:41It is not in the street.
44:43Look, I have not got a cat, I tell you.
44:46All right, we'll get Jeeves in here.
44:50There.
44:52I can't bear it.
44:54I simply can't bear it.
44:56No, look, it must be Jeeves.
44:58Jeeves?
44:59You called, sir?
45:01Er...
45:01W-w-w-were you making a noise like a cat?
45:04No, sir.
45:05Will that be all, sir?
45:06No, it will jolly well not be all, Jeeves.
45:09Are there any cats in the flat?
45:11Only the three in your bedroom, sir.
45:14What do you mean, only the three in my bedroom?
45:16Er, the black one, sir, the tabby, and the small lemon-coloured animal.
45:22No, no, no, look, I have not got a cat.
45:24I have never had a cat.
45:26I had a dog once called Melba.
45:27He used to sit so close to the fire.
45:29No, no, don't run away.
45:30No, no.
45:33It's all right, my dear.
45:34Now, look.
45:34Now, stand back, sir.
45:35Stand back, I'm armed.
45:36I fancy, sir, that the animals might have become somewhat exhilarated as a result of discovering the fish in Mr.
45:42Worcester's bedroom.
45:43Fish?
45:44In his bedroom?
45:45Fish?
45:45Be brave, Delia.
45:47My coat, sir.
45:48Now, look, I'll prove it to you.
45:49I'll prove that there are no cats in my bedroom.
45:56Oh, I'll prove it.
45:57Oh, I'll prove it, I'll prove it to you.
45:59I know it.
45:59Oh, I know it.
45:59I know it.
46:00You're out of your tongue, sir.
46:02Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
46:05Your hat, Sir Roderick.
46:06Yes, I didn't have hat.
46:08this is the hat that you snatched from my head he did it roderick he stole your hat back slowly
46:16towards the door don't make any sudden movements or do anything that might excite him i'll look
46:22here back sir back you devil back i say back i'll see if i can recover our umbrellas
46:40i say those were my cats i saw legging it down the stairs were they and what were they doing
46:45in my
46:45bedroom your man what's his name said it would be all right oh he did did he i was just
46:51coming to
46:51collect them well they've dashed well gone oh well can't be helped i suppose what was it for was that
46:58club was it the searchers seekers yes i'll take the hat from the fish anyway i'm afraid the cats
47:04have eaten the fish they wouldn't eat a hat though no the chap who pinched it from was dining here
47:10tonight he took it away with him no cats no fish no hat well sorry but there you are well
47:18thank you
47:20goodbye goodbye i say i hate to ask you you couldn't lend me a tenner could you a tenner what
47:28for the fact is i've got to pop round and bail claudon eustace out they've been arrested arrested
47:33they got a bit above themselves i'm afraid tried to pinch a bus they expect me to provide ten pounds
47:40to bail them out they did rather yes you do realize that the people who are dining here tonight
47:45were my prospective in-laws no i didn't actually congratulations well because of you they've now
47:51got away from here believing me to be a certifiable lunatic and determined that i shall never marry
47:58their daughter oh rightfully sorry tell me what why don't we make it 20 pounds you can bail them out
48:06and buy them a drink before you pour them onto the train i say that i was jolly geese no
48:10don't say a word
48:11no no really i insist thank you
48:39this was all you're doing wasn't it james so you worked the whole thing didn't you with the
48:44glossops well if you'll pardon the liberties uh i doubt if the young lady would have been entirely
48:49suitable for you
48:58and what a wheeze you knowing all about the glossops horror of muggies i must say james you are a
49:03bit
49:03of a marvel very good of you to say sir sir
49:10will that be all sir uh yes thank you james yes breakfast at the usual hour sir yes thank you
49:16james
49:17good night
49:20good night sir
49:21good night sir
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