00:07it's from Game of Thrones what do you think I don't know if we're going to
00:12start a fantasy sword collection and I've long thought we should is this
00:18really the sword to start with what do you have in mind well off the top of my
00:22head I'd have to go with Excalibur it gives you the right to rule England it
00:29would be a replica of a movie prop fair enough to give you the right to a rule
00:34a replica of England I don't have an Excalibur here so what do you want to do
00:40oh tough decision there's no weaponry from Lord of the Rings forged in a
00:45Chinese sweatshop just go back and store it over there two grown men with a
00:52hobbits dagger wouldn't we look silly okay let's go for it oh I see you guys
01:00have found my little treasure yeah it's okay I guess okay it's magnificent what do
01:10you want for it oh it's hard to put a price on something that's a copy of
01:14something that was on pay cable for my friends let's say 250 oh that's pretty
01:20steep well it's a limited edition they only made 8,000 of these bad boys it's
01:25only 8,000 we're wasting precious time by it hang on can you do any better are you
01:33kidding I'm already giving you the friends and family discount don't you hear
01:36that we're getting the friends and family discount we are honored and we will
01:39take it slow down 200 what are you doing 250 is already discounted price tell
01:47you what I'll go 235 nope maybe another time okay 225 my final offer take it take
01:52it 200 man you kill me killing you I can't breathe 210 and I'm losing money oh no we
02:03can't let him lose money Leonard I'm so sorry 210 and you throw in the Iron Man
02:08helmet are you crazy that helmet signed by Robert Downey jr so okay if you're
02:13gonna question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet
02:16from a movie based on a comic book then all of our lives have no meaning
02:25okay fine just the sword 210 thank you I can eat meat this week see that I just
02:33saved us 40 bucks I've long said what you lack in academic knowledge you make up for
02:37and street smarts you want me to wrap it no it's okay I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest
02:45hey Stuart oh hey well hello Wil Wheaton
02:51hi Sheldon nice sword it's part of my sword collection do you have a sword collection no I'm not surprised
03:00here's the Batman 612 with a Jim Lee alternate cover that you wanted awesome what do I owe you 40
03:07bucks
03:07good deal sucker didn't even ask for the friends and family discount hey I'm having a party at my
03:13house on Friday and I was hoping you would stop by will there be girls there yeah of course because
03:18there wasn't last time there will be girls you guys are invited if you want to come by thank you
03:26all right
03:27great later I see what you're doing you accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn
03:37enemy
03:37he tells everyone we're going to be there and when we don't show he looks the fool fiendishly clever
03:43I was actually thinking about going and then declaring the party fiasco and storming out
03:49leaving him humiliated in front of his guests love it no I'm just gonna grab Raj and Howard have a
03:56good
03:56time all right great more guys it's gonna be another Wil Wheaton sausage fest
04:04the world universe was in a hot dense state that nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started
04:11way the earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drool me and recalls develop tools we built the wall
04:16we built the pyramids math science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
04:27sheldon can you grab me water possibly can you or can't you not that simple leonard it never is is
04:36it
04:37at this moment our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states until you either do not go
04:44or go to Wil Wheaton's party you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend
04:51I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger's friendship
04:57got it can I have my water no of course now get it yourself you traitor
05:05okay what is going on in case you have forgotten Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment I didn't forget
05:11um there's this cat in a box and until you open it it's either dead or alive or both
05:16although back in Nebraska our cat got stuck in my brother's camp trunk and we did not need to open
05:20it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there homespun stories knowledge of physics and a bosom
05:27that defies it you're the whole package aren't you sorry I'm late uh I got great news NASA picked my
05:36team's design for the deep field space telescope that's going on the international space station this
05:40spring it gets better someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist and guess who
05:52that someone is Muhammad Lee who's Muhammad Lee Muhammad is the most common first name in the world Lee the
06:02most common surname as I didn't know the answer I thought that gave me a mathematical edge it's me
06:08Sheldon it's me I'm going up in space technically I'm an astronaut
06:15hang on a second NASA doesn't have a shuttle anymore how are you gonna get up there oh well
06:20it's really cool you fly to Moscow they take you out to Kazakhstan and then you get into a Russian
06:24Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit or it just sits there on the launch pad because
06:28the Kazakh mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market
06:33are those Russian rockets safe well I'm as safe as a candy when it was built by the good folks
06:38who
06:38brought you Chernobyl I'd like to propose a toast the dream to go up in a space is one we
06:46all share
06:47and Howard's making that a reality we're all very proud of you cheers that was a lovely toast kudos thank
06:55you simultaneously a festival of clawing cliches you sicken me you're really quiet everything okay
07:10fine
07:15just a little tired I hope not too tired because I'm feeling particularly masculine right now
07:21all systems go if you catch my drift I always catch your drift all right well something's
07:30obviously bugging you what is it just can't believe you signed up for the space program
07:34without even talking to me oh I get it we you're worried about me that is so sweet you know
07:44there's a saying we have at NASA what makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home
07:57this isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut what did you think
08:06was
08:07gonna happen honestly sex Howard do you realize what a big deal this is what an honor it is to
08:16be
08:16chosen to go into space yeah I get it I just wish you included me in the decision we're supposed
08:23to be
08:23partners we're supposed to be a team I'm sorry you're right okay let's try this again Bernadette an
08:34opportunity has come up that impacts both of us and I'd like to discuss it okay I've been offered a
08:45chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks what are your thoughts on that well
08:53first of all thank you for including me in the decision-making process hey we're a team so what do
09:02you think no no no why not my father is a police officer we never knew from one night to
09:18the next if
09:18he was gonna come home alive it was horrible and I don't want to live that way with you
09:27hey my father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11 I never saw him again oh boohoo you're
09:36not
09:36going to space pretty cool about Howard huh don't talk to me as if nothing's happened between us and
09:47yes it sure is buddy God's sake we stopped with the schrodinger stuff would you prefer a simpler
09:55application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle in which I could either know where you are or whether
09:59I like you but not both you never stop talking to you I don't understand what difference does it
10:09make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party you know Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy mortal enemy
10:15Sheldon I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench but you really have a mortal enemy in
10:21fact I
10:21have 61 of them would you like to see the list oh see no see no see no see no
10:27you just got off the
10:29list would you like back on it it'll just take a moment it's on a five and a quarter inch
10:36floppy
10:43a floppy disk I started the list when I was nine how did Wil Wheaton get on the list
10:51as a child I loved Wesley Crusher Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek so I drove for hours by bus
10:59to a Star Trek convention at which Wil Wheaton was scheduled to appear so that I could get my Wesley
11:03Crusher action figure signed but he never showed because apparently it was cooler for him to be
11:09the lower left corner on Hollywood squares
11:14damn the floppy failed well whoever was in charge of quality control at the verbatim corporation in
11:211989 congratulations you just made the list
11:29howard change your mind about sex I'm still mad but I'll do it
11:36no I've just been thinking it doesn't matter if I'm afraid for your safety I don't want to be the
11:43person who stands between you and your dreams really going into space means that much to you
11:50I will never say another word about it thank you I love you I love you too so sex now
12:01okay I just
12:05forgot to brush my teeth I'll be right back
12:14and you I'll be right back
12:28the next day
12:28barney my house's in the outer space
12:35ready
12:41wait let me see if i got this right you actually asked bernadette to leave your house in the
12:44middle of the night what choice did i have she went behind my back and turned my own mother
12:48against me wow you're not only our first astronaut you're also the first one of us to kick a girl
12:54out of bed you're like a rock star a little bit i hate to say it but she did kind
13:04of betray you
13:05interesting that you see betrayal in others but not yourself
13:11going to wheaton's party is not betraying you oh of course you would have to believe that
13:16evil always thinks it's doing right excuse me stormtrooper these are the droids you're looking
13:22for i'm going to a party i'm not turning r2d2 and c3po over to the empire
13:33not yet
13:36so what's going to happen next are you and bernadette going to break up i don't know
13:39if we're going to get back together she's going to have to apologize and accept that
13:43i'm a grown man who can make his own decisions then she's going to have to convince your mother
13:48to let you go into space obviously i had no choice i had to tell his mother he can't go
13:58to
13:58space he's like a baby bird you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book
14:10you're kidding no i was there that day sheldon threw his back out handing him that book
14:17i don't know what i'm gonna do i don't want to break up over this
14:21okay why don't you just tell him you made a mistake do you guys think it was a mistake
14:26am i the bad guy in this it's not for us to judge we're just here to provide comfort and
14:31support
14:31while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done oh god you're right i took our
14:40love and threw it under his bus sized mother i need to apologize well but that's good i'm glad you
14:49came to that but before you do let me just ask you a big picture question what are you a
14:55hundred
14:56percent positive you love and want to marry howard wolowitz i do with all my heart i got it just
15:03had
15:03to check he's great all right sheldon we're going to wills this is your last chance no leonard this
15:18is your last chance one day a historian is going to come to you and say is it true you
15:25were friends
15:25with dr sheldon cooper and you're going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation
15:31as you mumble i was but i chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from stand
15:36by me that no one
15:37remembers you want to drive sure
15:48hey sheldon cooper oh good you picked me you picked me no i just got a text from stewart brent
15:54spiner's at the party brent spiner yes i don't care
16:02really brent spiner mr data himself you love him i did but i think i've kind of outgrown star trek
16:14stock characters ludicrous plots beam me up what a load of hooey
16:20i'm going live long and prosper sheldon yeah even that you look like a dork
16:29coward bernadette here tell her i'm not home what kind of a smart play is that she can hear you
16:35shouting
16:39can we talk you can i have nothing to say right i just wanted to tell you i'm sorry i
16:48said something
16:48to your mother i was gonna tell her eventually but you went behind my back
16:54i know i'm sorry i got scared if you're gonna love me you're gonna have to love the whole package
17:00you know the tender-hearted poet and the crazy daredevil
17:06i know
17:07well don't say it if you're not gonna mean it because i'm not just gonna stop with the space station
17:11yeah i want to go to the moon i want to go to mars i want to take a one
17:16-man sub to the lowest depths of the ocean
17:18really you got seasick on pirates of the caribbean
17:25those big kids were rocking it
17:29just did what i did because i love you so much
17:32and the thought of losing you is more than i can handle
17:36really you're my soul mate
17:41this is where you kiss me
17:42right right
17:47make up all you want your tuckus is not leaving this planet
17:58hey you know that beautiful actress who plays the borg queen in first contact
18:02yeah i just met her gynecologist
18:09what are you doing here
18:10fighting for our friendship
18:12as peculiar and annoying as you can be you're still my little buddy
18:16i'm not going to let that end here tonight
18:18now put down that drink let's meet brent spiner and go home
18:22hey sheldon
18:23i'm so glad you made it i found something i think you might like
18:26what i'd like is for him to have a more depressing home this is quite lovely
18:31this is for you
18:33an original mint in package wesley crusher action figure
18:37i remembered your story about the time you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one
18:40signed and i didn't show up
18:42look at what i wrote
18:44to sheldon
18:45sorry this took so long
18:47your friend will wheaton
18:50it's my last one i want you to have it
18:54look everyone will wheaton is my friend
19:01oh wow i haven't seen one of these in years
19:07remember how we used to make these things look like they were masturbating
19:11brent spiner what have you done
19:13that was an original mint in package wesley crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend will wheaton
19:18sorry slim i've got some mr data dolls in the trunk of my car you want me to sign one
19:23for you
19:23you've already signed something brent spiner your name on my list
19:30from this moment on you are my mortal enemy
19:33don't worry it doesn't take up a whole lot of your time
19:37come on buddy let's not waste another second on this loser
19:40we'll love your house
19:44can we get autographed dolls
19:45sure
19:4720 bucks
19:5210
19:5618
19:5612
19:5716
19:582 for 30
19:59and you come to my birthday party
20:05done
20:06done
20:29i
20:30i
20:31i
20:32i
20:33i
20:33i
20:33i
20:33i
20:35i
Comments