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Watch The Big Bang Theory AMZN GalaxyTV Season 5 Episode 6 online in HD on Dailymotion.
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00:01So what kind of cruise is this you're going on?
00:03It's called the Born Again Boat Ride.
00:07Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating,
00:10Five Thorny Crowns.
00:12I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon.
00:15Well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof
00:18that your God can work miracles.
00:21You're missing out. It's gonna be wall-to-wall fun.
00:24It's all themed.
00:25There's Jonah and the whale watching.
00:27Gunning.
00:28All-you-can-eat-last-supper buffet.
00:31And my personal favorite, gunning with God.
00:35What's gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask.
00:37Oh, it is a hoot and a half.
00:40You write your sins on a clay pigeon,
00:42they fire them up in the air,
00:44and you pulverize them with a 12-gauge shotgun
00:47full of our Lord's forgiveness.
00:51Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become.
00:54Willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge.
01:00For example, if Shelley was aboard, he'd ride Smart Mouth on his pigeon.
01:05And then, BAM!
01:08The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away.
01:12Well, Mom, according to my itinerary for our weekend together,
01:15the fun begins with fried chicken.
01:18Sounds delicious.
01:19Well, good, because I got you everything you need to make it.
01:22You are in for a treat.
01:24My mother's fried chicken is why we had to buy my dad the extra-large coffin.
01:29Sheldon, she just got off the plane. She doesn't want to cook.
01:32Well, of course she does.
01:34Making me food is her way of saying I love you.
01:36Making me food when she's too tired to cook is her way of saying I really love you.
01:41Actually, I wouldn't mind going out for a bite, Sheldon.
01:44Won't that spoil our appetites for the chicken you're going to make me?
01:47All right, that settles it. We're going out.
01:48Do you like sushi? There's a great little place down the street.
01:50I've never had it, but there's no harm in trying something new.
01:55There's a lot of harm in trying something new.
01:57Well, that's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits.
02:02Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person.
02:04Actually, I had him tested as a child.
02:08Doctor says he's fine.
02:10Told you.
02:11Although I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.
02:17Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
02:20that nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started way around.
02:24The earth began to cool. The autotrophs began to drool.
02:27Neanderthals developed tools. We built a wall.
02:30We built a pyramid.
02:31Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery.
02:33It all started with a big bang.
02:36Hey!
02:42Stop yelling.
02:46I'm not happy about this.
02:47What's the last thing you were ever happy about?
02:51Prospect of fried chicken.
02:54This is exciting.
02:56Back home, the diner on Route 4 serves sushi,
02:58but it's just cut-up fish sticks on a side of Uncle Ben's.
03:03Put it on the menu in those kung-fu letters, but that don't make it sushi.
03:08Uh, kung-fu letters might not be politically correct.
03:13Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was ching-chong.
03:18Yeah, yeah, that too.
03:20So, Shelley, what's up with you and your friend Amy, if you don't mind a mother prying a bit?
03:26Well, there's actually big news on the Amy front.
03:29She's been studying the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals.
03:33She is this close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine.
03:38You have any idea what's going on with those two?
03:41It's kind of like the Loch Ness Monster.
03:42Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't.
03:44We'll probably never know.
03:47Uh, sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.
03:54How are you doing on the young lady front?
03:57I hear you're in some sort of a long-distance situation.
04:00Oh, yeah, it's Raj's sister.
04:02It's kind of tough.
04:03She's in India.
04:04Also, her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white.
04:07Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it?
04:10You never think about it going the other way.
04:16Well, you can't force things.
04:18You need to figure out if you're in a relationship or if you're just calling it one.
04:22It's like they say, a cat can have kittens in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits.
04:28And that reminds me of another saying.
04:29You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.
04:37Sheldon, if you pester me one more time about chicken,
04:39I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.
04:44Please pester her, please, for me.
04:50So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi?
04:52It was good.
04:53Only thing would have made it better if it was cooked.
04:58And if it was beef.
05:01Sheldon, when is your landlord going to fix the elevator?
05:04I don't know.
05:06Lately, we've been talking about converting it into a missile silo.
05:12Your son seems to think we need to launch a preemptive strike on Burbank.
05:17Get them before they get us.
05:26Hey!
05:27Look who decided to show up!
05:30What are you doing?
05:32I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends.
05:37Three sadly are dead.
05:40Mom, you remember Rajesh.
05:42Rajesh, my mother.
05:44Of course, Mrs. Cooper.
05:45So nice to see you again.
05:47Yeah, so nice to see you too.
05:48Yeah.
05:52I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.
05:59We don't say that either.
06:03I'll make you a list.
06:04Oh, that'd be mighty white of you.
06:09So Raj, what pain are you trying to cover up with alcohol?
06:15Nothing. I'm fine.
06:16Are you?
06:17No.
06:19That's better now.
06:20Tell me what's bothering you.
06:22I'm so lonely.
06:23Oh, yes.
06:24Born alone, die alone is a tragic human condition.
06:29Raj, if you'll excuse my mother, she's about to make a pecan pie that'll be so good,
06:34I'll almost forget how she blew it with the fried chicken.
06:37Sheldon, your friend is hurting.
06:39What do we do when someone's hurting?
06:41Offer them a hot beverage.
06:44And when they're drunk as a skunk, what beverage do we offer?
06:47Coffee.
06:49And what do we do it with?
06:59Now, you listen to me.
07:00I know you feel like you can't find someone, but there's a lock for every key.
07:06Back home, there's a girl who works at the Walmart.
07:08Tall, tall girl.
07:10Woman could hunt geese with a rake.
07:14Thought she'd never find a man.
07:16Then one day, wouldn't you know, Harlem Globetrotters come to town.
07:21Long story short, today that woman travels the world with a semi-professional basketball player and two beautiful mixed-race
07:29babies.
07:32I didn't get a lot of that because of your accent, but the general tone was soothing and somehow I
07:38feel better.
07:41I'm not gonna get my pecan pie, am I?
07:44Want some Oreos?
07:46Double stuff?
07:47No, it's regular.
07:47Nice, kick him in when he's down.
07:52I'm glad we're finally getting to do something together, just the two of us.
07:56Sure. One thing you really miss when you're on vacation is laundry.
08:00But get careful, you're using too much downy.
08:02You know, if my clothes get too soft, it makes me sleepy.
08:05Well, this takes me back, me doing your laundry, you next to me criticizing.
08:10It is nice, isn't it?
08:14Mrs. Cooper, hi!
08:16Oh, hello, darling!
08:18Sheldon, you didn't tell me your mom was coming?
08:20It was in my weekly email blast.
08:23Right between Beats season is finally here, and uh, uh-oh, red stool from Beats leads to cancer scare.
08:33So, how have you been?
08:35Good, good.
08:36I hear that Leonard has a new girlfriend. How are you doing with all that?
08:39Oh, fine. You know, it's been a while. I'm getting back out there.
08:43Let me ask you, when you get back out there, are you wearing this?
08:49Well, it's super cute on. That top is paid for itself in free drinks like ten times what it costs.
08:56Yes, Penny has a lot of money tied up in promiscuity futures.
09:01Uh, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with is because you're
09:07letting them ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket?
09:12Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.
09:21You know, I'm going out tonight. Would it be crazy to ask you to look at the outfit I'm going
09:25to wear?
09:26Oh, not crazy at all. And don't beat yourself up.
09:29When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine.
09:38Yeah, that will not be in this week's email blast.
09:43So, this spring, I get to go to the International Space Station.
09:48Oh, my word. A trip to the heavens.
09:53If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you could read.
09:58Thanks, man. I watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special every year, so I get the gist.
10:02I bet your mom is really proud of you.
10:05Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's going to go on a hunger strike.
10:09It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.
10:14I've got a treat for us tomorrow, Mom.
10:17I'm taking you to see Saul Perlmutter give a lecture about his Nobel Prize when he worked in cosmology.
10:23And the best part is, at the Q&A afterward, I've worked up a couple of cues that'll stump his
10:28sorry-a.
10:31I don't know, Shelly. I thought we could do a little sightseeing.
10:35What sight is better than your little boy embarrassing a Nobel laureate?
10:40Come on, Sheldon.
10:42Well, take your mom to see the Hollywood sign, the wax museum, the Walk of Fame.
10:45Ooh, maybe a little Rodeo Drive.
10:47Well, I can't spend $12,000 on a handbag, but it's free to look upon those who do with righteous
10:53condemnation.
10:57What do you say?
10:58What do I say?
11:00I say you people need to stop ruining my mom's visit with your sushi and your sadness and your slutty
11:06shirt. Stop it!
11:12He's not talking about your shirt. Your shirt is fine.
11:20These are delicious.
11:21Trick to pancakes is bacon grease.
11:24I cook everything in it.
11:26Everything? Aren't you worried about your health?
11:29Oh, doctors are always changing their mind.
11:31One week, bacon grease is bad for you.
11:33Next week, we're not getting enough of it.
11:37Good morning, Shelly.
11:39Mom, I want to apologize for my behavior last night.
11:43Apology accepted.
11:45Great. Now, you're gonna love the Perlmutter lecture.
11:48Look, he will be stating that the universe is older than 6,000 years,
11:51but I thought you could stick your fingers in your ears and hum Amazing Grace during those parts.
11:57I am still going out with your friends.
12:00But I apologized, and that was hard for me because I didn't do anything wrong.
12:07Shelly, I hung out with you in enough dusty lecture holes while you were growing up.
12:12I want to go sightseeing, so why don't you have some pancakes, get dressed, and come with us.
12:18I'm not going, and you can't make me.
12:20You're right, I can't. Have a nice day.
12:24Well, I'm going to stand here until you change your mind.
12:27Well, then you are going to stand there all day.
12:31I'm just going to take my bacon grease and slide over there.
12:36I can't believe my own mother is abandoning me.
12:40I am not abandoning you, Sheldon.
12:42Abandoning you is leaving you in a basket on a church doorstep.
12:45I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country.
12:54We appear to be at a crossroads in our relationship, Mother.
12:57Well, I guess we are.
12:59Sorry, syrup.
13:02Alright, Mom.
13:03When you're at the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum,
13:05if they have an exhibit about a mother who threw away a chance to spend a day with the world's
13:10most wonderful son,
13:12believe it because it's true.
13:16Look, I hadn't...
13:20That lecture was a waste of time.
13:22I made more accurate diagrams of the expansion of the early universe on the nursery wall with the contents of
13:27my diaper.
13:31You getting sick?
13:32No.
13:33I'm just allergic to people who get Nobel Prizes for no good reason.
13:38Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness,
13:45is because your mother isn't making you a priority?
13:48No. Or, to use the clinical term, nuh-uh.
13:53Are you sure? The infant-mother pair bond is the building block of primate psychology.
13:57Oh, there it is. It always comes back to monkeys with you. Just monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.
14:04Sheldon, we're all animals. And granted, there are aspects of you that are extraordinary.
14:08When it comes to emotions and relationships, you're just like everybody else.
14:12Are you trying to suggest that my emotional problems are no different than those of a stupid person?
14:19Actually, some research indicates that by not overthinking, the less intelligent handle emotions better.
14:27Are you sure you're not coming down with a cold?
14:29Oh, yes. The common cold. Just like everyone else. You'd love that, wouldn't you?
14:36Oh, this one's sweet. You know, for your rosary rattlers.
14:42Mrs. Cooper, we say Catholics, not rosary rattlers.
14:47My goodness, it's a wonder you people in California can talk at all.
14:52This is like the worst Hollywood tour ever.
14:54What can I do? She wanted to see churches.
14:56Hey, they have wine here, don't they?
15:00Hey, none of our gods have abs like that.
15:05Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups.
15:09And look where it got them.
15:13Hey, while we're here, why don't we all do some praying?
15:16Let's put a little church in this church.
15:19Oh, I'm not sure we should.
15:20It's easy. I'll show you how.
15:22Lord, Mary Cooper here, coming to you from Gomorrah, California.
15:28I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly.
15:31I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to cold cock him with my Bible.
15:39All right. Penny, your turn.
15:41Okay.
15:43Hey, God.
15:44What's up?
15:47I'm good, but it would be a big help to my family if you could get my brother to stop
15:51cooking meth.
15:55But no cops. Be cool.
16:00She also goes a little overboard on the love thy neighbor.
16:03Could probably use that chat you had with Mary Magdalene.
16:07Leonard, you're up. Wasserman, you're on deck.
16:11Okay. I don't know.
16:12It's probably a little late to ask you to make me taller.
16:21Oh, um, if you could help out with me and my girlfriend, she's all the way in India.
16:25That would be great.
16:26Hear that? Girl trouble.
16:28Turns out we were both wrong on that front.
16:33How about you?
16:34Uh, me, no, thanks. I'm good. I'm really just trying not to burst into flames.
16:42Rajesh?
16:45Uh, he says he's having trouble dropping those last five pounds.
16:51Huh. I might have gone with the talking to girls thing.
16:56No, you only get one wish.
17:15Look at the two of us.
17:18Me, a highly regarded physicist.
17:22The kind of mind that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation.
17:26You, a common man.
17:29Tired from your labors as a stock broker or vacuum cleaner salesman or boot black.
17:37But deep down inside, apparently we're just two peas in a pod.
17:43A regular pea.
17:46The kind of pea that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation.
17:55Rain.
17:57Another great equalizer.
17:59Falling on the head of the brilliant and the unremarkable alike.
18:10Smarty pants.
18:15Oh, Mrs. Cooper, it smells so good.
18:18You take notes, darling.
18:19The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup.
18:23He'll die at 50, but his love will be true.
18:32I need a tissue. This one got wet.
18:37Here.
18:40Yeah, I've learned something today.
18:42You and I, in so many ways, other than intelligence and what counts, we're the same.
18:52Sweetheart, are you sick?
18:54I hope so, because if this is well, life isn't worth living.
18:57Oh, sugar pie, you are burning up. We've got to get you to bed.
19:02Okay.
19:02Don't worry. Mom is here to take care of her baby.
19:06Just to be clear, only her baby and not these other people.
19:10Of course.
19:12Can I have tea with honey and toast with the crust cut off?
19:15You can have whatever you want.
19:18Thanks, Mom. You're the best.
19:28Boy, last time I put vapor rub on you, you didn't have hair on your chest.
19:34I know. You filled in last year.
19:39I didn't get to spend a lot of time with you on this visit.
19:42And whose fault was that?
19:45Yours.
19:48Shelley, you're not eight years old anymore. We have to have a different relationship.
19:53No, we don't. The one we have works great.
19:56Sweetheart, you are a grown man.
19:58Or maybe I'm part of a new species that lives for hundreds of years, which means I'm still basically a
20:03toddler.
20:05Oh, I so should have taken you to Houston.
20:12Does this mean you're not going to sing Soft Kitty?
20:14No, I will always sing you Soft Kitty.
20:19Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
20:24Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to take that pie out of the oven?
20:26Get out!
20:30Well, that was rude.
20:31Well, I know. But he means well.
20:36Thing.
20:38Happy kitty, sleepy kitty.
20:40What are you trying to pull, Mom?
20:42From the top.
20:45This is what I'm talking about.
20:50Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
21:16Work hard to run tough.
21:18I like Round, because we look under this world.
21:19Inside Eye.
21:19No, the.
21:20We're soppy.
21:21Yes, we were on holiday, but we're packed with fireолько Kung fu.
21:21So far back then we are like upgrading our home to find,
21:21Oh…
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