00:04hey oh hey you work the lunch shift yeah got eight pounds of salmon that's about to go bad
00:09do you know how to cook it not really damn it should have liberated the iffy chicken
00:15what are you and professor fussy face up to tonight star wars on blu-ray
00:21you've seen that movie like a thousand times not on blu-ray only twice on blu-ray
00:28oh leonard i know it's high resolution sadness
00:34well i was gonna take myself out to a movie tonight you want to go
00:38really do we do that what do you mean you know we haven't spent time alone together since we broke
00:43up it's not a date leonard it's just a man and a woman hanging out not having sex at the
00:48end of
00:48the night sounds like most of my dates
00:54oh dear lord get away from me you monster
00:57what is that about he's smart and crazy enough he may have actually created a monster
01:04shoo shoo be gone the hell is going on there's a bird outside the window and he won't go away
01:11that is the hell that is going on we have no worms or seeds here shoo shoo
01:18really on top of everything else you're afraid of birds it's called ornithophobia and someday it
01:23will be recognized as a true disability and the landlord will be required by law to put a giant net
01:28over the building which is unfortunate because i have a fear of nets so movies yes or no movies yes
01:37great i'll see you later and remember he's more afraid of you than you are of him that doesn't help
01:42no i was talking to the bird
01:48go away bird go away bird go away bird
01:53sheldon just ignore him good idea attention is what birds want
02:00oh much better all right now i'll just get along with my life
02:07make a pot of tea leonard it's gonna be a long night
02:12a whole universe was in a hot dense state that nearly 14 million years ago expansion started way
02:19the earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drool neanderthals developed tools we built a wall
02:24we built the pyramids mad science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
02:53bird still there quick what does a hawk sound like
02:57i don't know scree scree please that's a seagull if you're not going to help don't help
03:05sorry do you think i'm overdressed uh it depends on the activity for a prostate exam yes
03:13if you're playing vegas i'd add sequins
03:16i'm going to the movies with penny i don't want her to think that i think it's a date
03:20do you think it's a date no but she might think i think it's a date even though i don't
03:23or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't
03:26are we overthinking this not at all
03:30you're right i'm fine i'm wearing this really a blazer all right
03:40yes hello uh this is dr sheldon cooper i'm at 2311 north los roblez avenue
03:46i'd like to report a dangerous wild animal a blue jay
03:52i'm sorry this is animal control i don't understand the laughter no the bird is not
03:57in my home if he was in my home i obviously would have called 9-1-1
04:02sir i have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of
04:05that being stuck in a dead-end public service job
04:08what would your wife stepping out on you because you're stuck in a dead-end public service job
04:13or spiders don't you think i tried making cat noises
04:23too casual
04:25for an audience with the queen yes
04:27for an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trash can
04:31come you look great
04:48what am i thinking whiskers
04:54oh hey if we hurry we can make the new jennifer aniston movie
04:56oh yeah sure
04:58there's also an amazing documentary about building a dam on a river in south america
05:04okay but the jennifer aniston movie has jennifer aniston and she's not building a dam
05:10can't argue with that i'll get the tickets
05:16actually you know what i think it's about time i pick a movie we see
05:20well you pick plenty of movies
05:22no you always picked and it was always the same
05:26an hour and a half of beach houses in the rain until the woman turns around and realizes
05:30love was here all along
05:33come on that is a great movie and it starts in 10 minutes
05:38i hate those movies
05:39no you don't
05:40yes i do the only reason i went is because you wanted to see them and i wanted to have
05:44sex
05:45to this day i can't see a sandra bullock movie poster without getting both bored and aroused
05:51okay so while we were going out how often would you pretend to like things just to have sex
05:56with me
05:57all the time
06:00you're kidding
06:01does this sound familiar
06:03i'd love to go shoe shopping with you
06:07hiking it's great
06:09it's two a.m of course i want to go to koreatown and sing karaoke with your friends who wouldn't
06:15okay we were going out you were gonna get sex anyway
06:17really
06:18you would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams
06:24no no woman would
06:26see you know that's the great thing we're out as friends this is not a date sex is off the
06:31table so
06:32let's go learn why hydroelectric power might not be the environmental bargain you think it is
06:37sorry spoiler alert
06:40all right fine
06:44thanks
06:45uh tickets are eleven bucks
06:51not a date
06:52not a date
07:18that's what's important
07:47that's what's important
07:48i really don't get a problem with birds
07:48go back and forth
07:49age seven
07:50a bloodthirsty chicken chases me up a tree
07:54age twelve
07:54a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth
07:58age sixteen
07:59a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass
08:04need i go on
08:05yes please this is way better than the movie
08:08all right sheldon your bird death ray is ready
08:11it's not a death ray it's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off
08:15yet trust me if i had a death ray i wouldn't be living here
08:18i'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of earth gave me for not using my death ray
08:23all right and in three
08:25two
08:27one
08:35that is one tough birdie
08:40come on you enjoyed the movie
08:42i saw you tearing up when the village got flooded and everyone had to relocate
08:46no i was thinking how come they get to leave and i can't
08:50i'm gonna get some fries you want anything
08:52uh no thanks
08:53are you sure
08:54you always say no and then you eat half my fries
08:58i just eat the little crispy ones you don't like
09:00no i love them i save them for the end but they're gone because you ate them
09:05and why did i let you eat them
09:07to get sex
09:08exactly
09:10but this is not a date so i ask again would you like anything
09:14all right i'd like an order of fries
09:16great that'll be five dollars
09:20i am having the best time
09:23i'm so glad you suggested we do this
09:26oh sorry
09:27no problem
09:29what you write in there
09:30uh screenplay
09:32it's about a guy whose roommate is having sex and tells him to go to a bar and work on
09:36his screenplay
09:39i hope alex gets crabs the movie
09:43still working title
09:45i'm kevin
09:46oh penny
09:46nice to meet you
09:47i'll let you get back to your date
09:49oh no no this isn't a date
09:51no
09:52right
09:54uh you're right
09:56so you've written anything i might have seen
09:58that depends
09:59how much time do you spend on yelp
10:13this is ridiculous
10:15i'm a grown man from texas
10:17this isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose
10:22it's just a blue jay
10:29that's a pretty big blue jay
10:49one
10:51two
10:52three
10:54no
10:55two
10:55i'm going to burn
10:57burn the apartment
11:00burn the apartment
11:02no
11:07so
11:08it is an amazing documentary
11:12they need the electricity from the dam
11:14but at the same time
11:15they want to preserve the environment
11:18you're kidding me
11:24can i see you for a sec over here
11:26oh yeah sure just one sec
11:27no problem
11:29what's up
11:30i know what you're doing
11:31what am i doing
11:32you're going out of your way to talk to that guy
11:34because i said we weren't on a date
11:35no i'm talking to him because he's cute
11:37come on he's not that cute
11:38yes he is with his dorky t-shirt and his little hipster glasses
11:49i wear dorky t-shirts and glasses
11:51yes but when you're tall and have great cheekbones you're doing it ironically
11:57that's so
11:58what if i start talking to a girl
11:59you should
12:00i'm serious i'll do it
12:02good go
12:03there's some girls right over there
12:08what are you waiting for
12:09they're in a group i'm scared
12:13sheldon what do you expect us to do
12:18you're biologists
12:19biology is a study of living things
12:21that's a living thing
12:21get cracking
12:25i specialize in microorganisms
12:27and amy studies brains
12:28yeah neither of us minored in bird shoeing
12:32oh come now
12:33your undergraduate work must have included a varmints and critters class
12:38come back in sheldon he's not going to hurt you
12:41he looks friendly
12:42i think he might be someone's pet
12:44no bernadette don't be a hero
12:47aww he's a sweetie
12:49yes he's very sweet
12:51now slowly and carefully
12:54flush him down the toilet
12:59sheldon the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it
13:02just like you did with the mailman
13:06every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds
13:11i'm not going to be another statistic
13:14look how sweet he is
13:15come over and say hi
13:21come on
13:22you can do it
13:24don't be scared
13:28oh just pet the bird you big baby
13:38i did it
13:41i actually did it
13:43okay now flush him
13:48so leonard what do you do for fun
13:51i'm let's see
13:52hiking
13:56karaoke in koreatown
13:59any jennifer aniston movie
14:03hey sorry i ditched you
14:04no it's fine
14:05ditch away
14:05oh no no we said we were going to hang out
14:07let's hang out
14:07it's cool go back to kevin
14:09no he had to leave
14:11interesting
14:11so now that he's gone you want to hang out with me
14:14this must be penny
14:15yep
14:16i totally get it
14:21i'm sorry get what
14:22don't worry about it
14:24you know there's some guys over there
14:25you should go talk to them
14:25no no i want to know what you told her
14:27that's kind of between me and
14:29laura laura
14:31oh okay i see
14:32so while he was telling you things
14:34did he mention he owns not one
14:36but two star trek uniforms
14:38really
14:39yeah wears them
14:40not just for halloween
14:44hey pal
14:46you didn't see me telling kevin
14:48that you thought cold wars
14:50were only fought in winter
14:52okay then i'll return the favor
14:54and i won't tell
14:56laura
14:57laura that half the dirty movies you own are animated
15:05when you were telling kevin about your acting career did you mention your long running role
15:10as waitress in a local production of the cheesecake factory
15:15did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler
15:19oh yeah spell asthma
15:23a
15:23s
15:25take me home
15:28maybe i'm not done hanging out
15:32you're right it's getting late
15:39it's remarkable
15:41all that time spent in fear
15:43for what
15:44he's magnificent
15:48oh dear
15:49i just realized
15:50i haven't offered you a beverage
15:59it's just like my grandma with her parrot
16:03and after she lost her marbles with her remote control
16:08my phone's on the desk over there
16:10take a picture of us together
16:13make it good enough to go on a mug
16:14a mouse pad
16:15and a calendar
16:21if you were a dove
16:23i'd call you lovey dovey
16:24who am i kidding
16:26this isn't a moment for strict adherence to the literal
16:28you're just my little lovey dovey aren't you
16:32guess you gotta have hollow bones to get some sugar around here
16:38i still think he looks like someone's pet
16:40maybe we should put up posters
16:43yes
16:43it should have a big picture of him
16:45and the words
16:46is this your bird
16:47not anymore
16:51we're gonna have so much fun together
16:53you can carry messages to all my enemies
16:57i can tie a string to your leg and fly you like a kite
17:01if you're keeping him i've got a cage you can borrow
17:03one of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck
17:08it was both tragic and hysterical
17:14nonsense
17:14no lovey dovey doesn't sleep in a cage
17:17no lovey dovey sleeps in his very own nest
17:21which i'm going to get off the windowsill
17:23and put in my room
17:24isn't that right ld
17:31where are you going
17:33come back lovey dovey
17:35this is your home now
17:37i already ordered 20 pounds of bird feed off of amazon
17:42he's gone
17:43i'm sorry sheldon
17:46how could he do this to me
17:48get back here you stupid bird
17:50so i can love you
17:51oh
17:52no
18:05no
18:07no
18:08no
18:27Okay, so we went out, saw a movie, met some nice people, said horrible things about each
18:33other in public. Oh, and all a pretty magical night. Okay, I'm not innocent in all this, but you
18:39basically called me stupid, you asthmatic dumbass. I know, I crossed the line. I'm sorry. I really mean
18:49it. And it's not like when we were going out, I'd just apologize for everything so we could end up
18:53in bed. This is a 100% sex is off the table. I'm sorry. All right, thank you. I'm sorry,
19:03too.
19:04Just to be clear, sex is off the table, right? Way off. Maybe we're not ready to hang out as
19:13friends.
19:13I don't know. Up until the last part, I was kind of enjoying take charge Leonard with a little
19:18backbone. Picking the movie, knowing what he wants, a little cocky. Really? Yeah. Well,
19:25then I'm putting sex back on the table. What do you think about that? Oh, maybe I like it.
19:35You do? Because if that's what you like, I can be that guy. I swear, I'll be anything you want
19:38me to be.
19:40Good night, Leonard. I am such an asthmatic dumbass. I had a weird night. Mine was great.
19:55I'm going to be a mommy.
19:56I'm going to be a mommy.
19:57I'm going to be a mommy.
20:02I'm going to be a mommy.
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