- 20 minutes ago
First broadcast 17th November 2006.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Andy Hamilton
David Mitchell
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Andy Hamilton
David Mitchell
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00...concile and sharp as a tack, the discriminating David Mitchell.
00:07The discursive Andy Hamilton.
00:12The dexterous Johnny Sessions.
00:19And Alan deep as a deep up Davis.
00:28Tonight the buzzers are all slightly disparaging.
00:31David goes...
00:35...and he goes...
00:41...Johnny goes...
00:44...and Alan goes...
00:54Which brings us to our first question.
00:56Which is the bravest species of animal?
01:01I think it might be the Ichnumen.
01:04The mongoose.
01:06Yes, ladies.
01:07Because the mongoose is basically like a sort of glorified ferret.
01:11And it goes out of its way to kill cobras.
01:15And cobras can kill you just by looking at you the wrong way.
01:18So I think that's pretty brave.
01:20Why does it kill cobras?
01:22Because if it can only eat cobras, it's not brave, it's just sensible.
01:25It's just...
01:26But cobras, you know, they come out of baskets, they sing, they dance.
01:30Sort of Les Dennis of the snake world.
01:32They're literally the hoodie of the snake world, aren't they?
01:35They've got the little hoods there.
01:36They're not that brave, though, because as far as I'm aware, the mongoose nearly always wins.
01:39I've never seen a David Attenborough where he suddenly goes,
01:43Oh dear, the mongoose has cocked it.
01:47What's difficult about this question, I think, is you need some kind of comparative unit of bravery.
01:53I think...
01:54And we have one.
01:54How do we show how brave people are in a graded order?
01:59Medals.
02:00Medals?
02:01Right.
02:02There are bound to be loads of horses and dogs that have been ridiculously given medals
02:06if they understood what they were doing at all.
02:08Pigeons get medals for making it back.
02:09I'm going to give you the points, darling, you said pigeons, didn't you?
02:12Pigeons...
02:12Points.
02:13Pigeons mean points.
02:16That's brilliant.
02:17Yeah, they are.
02:19Mariah Dickin, who founded the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals.
02:22In 1943, she instituted a medal called a Dickin, which is the equivalent of a Victoria Cross
02:27for animals that serve in the armed forces.
02:31She sounds really bonkers.
02:32Yeah, that's the thing.
02:33The thing is to start giving the animals medals, you've got to start promoting the animals,
02:37and at some point you get a pigeon in charge of the whole army.
02:41To be brave, you need to know the element of risk.
02:46So I reckon probably the bravest is something like a robin,
02:51because I've seen robins mob cats.
02:54You know, that's the equivalent of us running towards...
02:57Is this as in Batman?
02:58...a tiger.
03:03Well, that's just not fair, is it?
03:05No, that's...
03:06Well, anyway, the Dickin Medal's been awarded 60 times, and 32 times it's gone to a pigeon.
03:12Once to a cat.
03:13Cat on board HMS Amethyst.
03:15The Yangtze Incident.
03:16The Yangtze Incident in 1949, isn't it?
03:18The entire crew saved by a cat.
03:20Yeah?
03:21Well, he let all the rats on ship.
03:22That's not bravery, though, that's just greed.
03:24Is this really?
03:25It is.
03:26Fat, moggy.
03:29Medal?
03:30Yes.
03:32Yes, the answer is carrier pigeons, as in D for doves.
03:36The London pigeon is a dove, and it's known as the wild rock dove, and is the ancestor of all
03:41doves and pigeons.
03:42The doves that won the Dickin Medal were, strictly speaking, non-combatants.
03:47And that's not true of all military pigeons.
03:48I wonder if you can imagine what a kamikaze pigeon unit did.
03:54Fly into things.
03:56Fly into planes, engines.
03:58You're getting there.
03:59It's a very complicated...
04:00Fly down guns.
04:02It's a mess.
04:04Terrible nuisance to get out.
04:05It was to fly at ships, but in a very particular way, inside a missile.
04:12Ah.
04:13It's got a window.
04:15Right?
04:15I'll explain it to you.
04:16Here's a pigeon.
04:17I've got a pigeon here.
04:19Voila.
04:20And I have a ship.
04:22Yeah.
04:24And you train the pigeon to peck at a ship, and every time it does, it's rewarded with grain.
04:30Then, you put it inside its missile with a glass front, right?
04:34Oh.
04:34And a ship comes into view, but it's slightly on the left.
04:38Well, the pigeon's behavioral response is to peck towards where it is.
04:43And this activates a relay.
04:44And as it gets nearer the ship, and it gets bigger and bigger, it pecks more and more and more
04:48and more and more,
04:49which tells them that they're on the right track.
04:52They get really, really close, and it explodes in a ball of flame.
04:57Destroying...
04:57And that's the thanks against it.
04:58That's the thanks against it.
04:59Maybe they get showered with grain at the last second, just as a thank you.
05:03Who knows?
05:04But it's a guidance system.
05:05Did it work?
05:06It wasn't used.
05:07Right.
05:08But...
05:09What they did, using this man, Skinner, this behavioral psychologist's experiments,
05:14was they instead, they got a bit of glass, instead of having a target on it or anything like that,
05:17it was just a plain piece of glass with an orange dot on it.
05:19And every time the pigeon hit the dot exactly like that, it would get rewarded.
05:23Can you imagine why that would be useful?
05:27I was thinking about this just the other day.
05:29It's funny you said it.
05:30Very slow form of execution for someone.
05:32You put an orange dot on the pigeon in the room.
05:35You come back for 12 years.
05:37Pigeons have very good eyesight.
05:40And if an air rescue helicopter is searching the sea, and someone's in a little orange dinghy, or an orange
05:47life jacket,
05:48the pigeon will always see it as a little dot on its screen, so it's going to go like that,
05:51thinking it's going to get fed.
05:53And that will alert the pilot.
05:55And it works.
05:55And that's beneficial, and no one dies.
05:57Someone might even get saved.
05:58Yeah.
05:58Yes.
05:59And then you eat the pigeon on the way back.
06:02The passenger pigeon, is that a familiar species to any of you?
06:05It's one of the saddest stories.
06:06There were flocks of them in America, and I'm not kidding, that were one mile wide and 300 miles long.
06:12Good Lord.
06:13That have two billion of these birds.
06:15They were just the most extraordinary sight in nature, probably.
06:18So they're shitting whole hills.
06:20Yeah, absolutely.
06:22Can you imagine?
06:22If you're caught under that, you are dead.
06:24You are.
06:26Seriously dead.
06:28In 1896, they killed the final flock of a quarter of a million in one day, knowing it was the
06:35last American sportsman.
06:37And I use the word sport quite wrongly.
06:39Do you know about the Puccini gun?
06:41The composer Puccini.
06:42Yes.
06:42He was a great shooter of birds, as a lot of Italians are.
06:45When I was in his house at Torre del Lago, there was the Puccini gun, which he made himself.
06:52And he'd be sitting there writing, you know, lovely opera, lovely opera, and he'd hear a snipe outside the window.
06:55He'd grab this thing, which had the boar on it like a drain pipe, and he could bring down 50
07:01snipe in one go.
07:02Oh, you see, that sport is Italian.
07:04Italians, Americans, I mean, really.
07:06That's horrible.
07:07But can you imagine that?
07:08And then on one day knowing you're wiping out an entire species to kill a quarter of a million birds
07:13in a day.
07:14Did they know it was the last quarter of a million?
07:16And they sort of thought, oh, fantastic, let's finish them off.
07:18Yeah.
07:19That was the last flock, and then the last bird itself died in the Cincinnati Zoo in 1914.
07:23She was called Martha.
07:25So the pigeons in Trafalgar Square, they're wild rock pigeons.
07:29Wild rock doves.
07:30Wild rock doves.
07:31Yeah.
07:32Do they know that?
07:34Because you don't tend to see them on the cliffs at Beachy Head.
07:38They're confused by our rock cliffs, aren't they?
07:41That's the problem.
07:41Pablo Picasso was a keen pigeon fancier.
07:44His father was a painter of pigeons.
07:46It was a style in late 19th century Malaga.
07:50Instead of, like, flower genre painting in France, whatever.
07:54His father was a pigeoniana, or whatever it was called.
07:57And when he discovered how good his son was, he gave him his brushes and never painted again.
08:01Fan-tale pigeons he collected himself.
08:03And, of course, he called his daughter?
08:05Paloma.
08:06Which is Spanish for a dove or pigeon.
08:09I mean, a paloma blanca.
08:10Yes.
08:11There we are.
08:12So, B.F. Skinner was the name of the man who designed these missiles aimed by pigeons who were tapping
08:18in the nose, and it was tested successfully, but never actually saw action.
08:23Arthur Garfield Dove, he was a painter, regarded by many as the first abstract painter in America.
08:30He was a friend and associate of the subject of our next question, which is, what practical use can you
08:37think of for the work of art which the Turner Prize Committee voted as the most influential modern work ever?
08:46You'd sleep in it.
08:47You'd sleep in it.
08:48Was it Marcel Duchamp's urinal, which has the obvious usage of being a urinal?
08:54Pissing in it, basically.
08:55Yeah, pissing in it, yeah.
08:56Is the right answer, yes.
09:03It's a 1917 work entitled Fountain.
09:06It's worth $3.6 million.
09:09It's signed R-Mut.
09:11R is for Richard, which is a kind of French slang, as well as being a name.
09:14It means moneybags.
09:16But it's upside down, is it?
09:18Can I also point out, it's not plumbed in to anything.
09:22Personally, I wouldn't piss in it.
09:25Many artists have pissed in it when it's been on display as either a statement of hatred for it or
09:30as support of it, and that one was fined $6,500.
09:34Someone's paid $3 million for that.
09:36It's worth, it's reckoned to be worth $3.5 million.
09:38As works of art go, it's going to do less damage pissing in that than, say, pissing on the Mona
09:43Lisa, though, isn't it?
09:45Exactly, yeah.
09:45Marcel Duchamp famously did a Mona Lisa with a moustache.
09:48He did.
09:48Go to you.
09:49Dove and Duchamp were both members of the Dada movement as we were on Ds, talking in repetitious D words.
09:56What did the dick dick do that the dodo didn't?
09:59It flew.
10:00It flew?
10:01No, it didn't.
10:02It tasted disgusting.
10:04Oddly enough, the opposite, probably.
10:06Do you know what a dick dick is?
10:07That would help.
10:08Yes, it's a little gazelle-y kind of thing.
10:10Absolutely.
10:11Can it climb trees?
10:12No.
10:13It's a tiny antelope.
10:14It can hide in bushes.
10:15It's about the size of a hare.
10:17Is it extinct?
10:18No, it's not extinct.
10:19I noticed that's a photo.
10:20Exactly.
10:21You deny that skills as a historian.
10:24Stop work.
10:25Yes.
10:26And that means it could survive, and it survived because it could hide.
10:29It didn't really run so much.
10:31They hide, they live at night, and they're very, very shy.
10:35And dodos, unfortunately.
10:37Dodos like that.
10:37Oi!
10:38Yeah, exactly.
10:39Come on, get off the boat, bring your guns.
10:41You made a very...
10:42Exactly right.
10:44How do you carry that?
10:49It's true.
10:50Mauritius is where they came from.
10:52And the rats, pigs, dogs, and humans that arrived in the 17th century.
10:56As you say, it just was not afraid of them.
10:58Because there were no ground-level predators on the entire island.
11:01So it had no reason to be distrustful.
11:03Whereas dick-dicks in Africa, of course, had lions and things to contend with,
11:06and were very, very shy.
11:07So, essentially, it sounds quite brave.
11:09It was, but maybe the dojo.
11:11It's the bravest animal, and the dick-dicks are bloody cowards.
11:14And they're still hanging around, you know, posing for fun times.
11:19Do you know what sort of animal it is?
11:20What it's related to?
11:22Turkey?
11:23It's a pigeon, actually.
11:24It's a pigeon, isn't it?
11:25It doesn't look like one.
11:26No, it was a dove.
11:27And it was entirely forgotten.
11:30Until 1860s, roughly.
11:32Suddenly, everybody was talking about dodos again,
11:34because they appeared in a book, a very famous book.
11:38It's Alice in Wonderland.
11:39Alice in Wonderland.
11:40Give yourself some points for that, absolutely.
11:42And it's around that time that dead as a dodo seemed to become a popular phrase.
11:46Yes.
11:46From dick-dicks to Moby Dick, who is a sperm whale, of course.
11:51Sperm whale's penis, as I think we may have covered even in the first series,
11:55is nine foot long and one foot in diameter.
11:59What uses can you think of for Moby's dick?
12:03It's way ahead of you, I think.
12:05You've been thinking about this.
12:07No, I...
12:12Shitting up it?
12:13Shitting up it.
12:15I remember reading somewhere that when Maria Callas first went aboard Onassis' yacht.
12:21Yeah.
12:22The bar stools.
12:22I thought you kept saying that as his cock.
12:24Oh, that's his cock, yeah.
12:26And apparently the bar stools on his yacht at Christina,
12:30were made out of sperm whales.
12:30The seats were made out of sperm whales, prepuces, or foreskins.
12:35Did they kill a whale for each one, or did they just swim under and circumcised the people?
12:40Well, there's a full description in the novel Moby Dick by Helen Melville.
12:44Oh, they turn it into millions of things.
12:46No!
12:46Odd enough, one thing, it's quite an interesting description.
12:48A sailor called a Mincer.
12:52Who comes along, and he takes...
12:55And he takes...
12:55He takes...
12:57He takes...
12:57He takes...
12:57Found this!
13:00They dragged it behind the boat, and they all sat beside it.
13:04That's...
13:05Taking it in turns, it was 10 euros.
13:12Well, apparently, he staggers off with it as if he were a grenadier carrying a dead comrade from the field.
13:20Then he extends it upon the foc'sle deck, and he proceeds cylindrically to remove the dark pelt.
13:26The outer skin of it, the slidey bit that goes up and down, I guess.
13:30This done, he turns it inside out, he gives it a good stretching, so as to almost double the diameter.
13:37So it's now two foot wide, but still nine foot tall.
13:39So it wasn't big enough.
13:41Right, exactly.
13:42And then he hangs it well spread in the rigging to dry, right?
13:46Ere long, it is taken down, and when removing some three foot of it, so it's now about six foot,
13:53but two foot wide.
13:53Waistcoat.
13:54He cuts a couple of armholes and makes an apron.
13:57Yeah.
13:58There you are.
14:00And there's your mincer.
14:02Now it stands before you invested in the full canonical.
14:05Do you like my apron?
14:06Yes, I quite like your apron.
14:07How did you go?
14:07Well, it's the easiest thing in the world.
14:09What I did is I cut a sperm whale's cock off, dragged it onto a ship, skinned it, hang it
14:16inside out, hung it up at the top of the rigging for ages.
14:20I don't believe that air long.
14:22I mean, it's not going to dry out if the weather's bad.
14:25And then you've got yourself an apron.
14:26Surely there are easier ways of making an apron.
14:28Surely the middle of the Atlantic Ocean they're on.
14:31Well, maybe you should bring them with you.
14:32I mean, if he got a TV out of it, that would be great.
14:37Can I understand that?
14:39Does it have a bone in it?
14:41Like a badger?
14:43Yeah, a badger has a bone in it.
14:44Badger has a bone in its cock, yes.
14:47That's not suitable for apron making then.
14:51That's a bigger job, isn't it?
14:53You could make an apron for a wasp.
14:57A squirrel.
14:58A squirrel, maybe.
14:59So much for Moby Dick.
15:01Who rode from London to York in 15 hours?
15:05Oh, oh, oh!
15:07It was Dick Toppin.
15:09Oh, no!
15:10No, no, no.
15:11No, you better do our little lump trap again.
15:14No, it was a man called Swift Nick Nevinson.
15:19Swift Nick Nevinson was a rather splendid highwayman.
15:22And he never hurt people.
15:23He was charming and he was very popular.
15:25He held people up in Gads Hill in Kent
15:27and then rode like fury 200 miles to York
15:30where he went into a bowling match with the mayor of York
15:33and he bet him on the outcome of the match
15:35so that when two days later the police came to arrest him,
15:38he could use the mayor as an alibi.
15:39And the mayor said, no, he was playing bowls with me
15:43because no one can imagine
15:44that he could get from Kent to York in 15 hours.
15:47And the latest news here from my little screen
15:49is sperm whales do have bones in their penises.
15:52I get very odd text messages sometimes.
15:56I just wanted to know.
15:58But Swift Nick was given his name by Charles II himself.
16:01But why did Dick Turpin get the name for being the one who rode to York?
16:04He did ride to York but he took a long time over it.
16:06He did ride to York. On Black Bess.
16:07It was on Black Bess.
16:08From Epping Forest where he lived for a bit.
16:09He did live in Epping Forest.
16:11You were getting points.
16:12And there was a nightclub called Turpin's
16:12that was closed down because someone got glassed.
16:17But unfortunately, unlike Nevinson,
16:18he would torture old women and little girls for money.
16:21He was no Robin Hood.
16:22They tried to dress him up like that in Epping Forest.
16:24But it was a man called Harrison Ainsworth,
16:26the novelist who in 1834 wrote Rookwood exactly.
16:29You get a point for muttering Rookwood under your breath there.
16:31First time you've muttered under your breath and it's actually meant something.
16:34Still, there we are.
16:36And he, for some reason, attributed all Nevinson's deeds to Dick Turpin.
16:39How did Nevinson, if we know that he never hurt anyone in any of his robberies,
16:45how did he get on as a highwayman?
16:47Because surely did he have to pretend he wasn't Nevinson?
16:50That's true.
16:51No, I'm Dick Turpin, I'm a real shit.
16:53No, you're not. You're that Nevinson. You're not going to do anything.
16:56Oh, no, I know, but please just give me the stuff anyway.
17:00Do you know how Turpin got arrested? What actually happened?
17:03No.
17:03It was a very bizarre story, really.
17:04Max Ford, wasn't it?
17:05It wasn't Max Ford.
17:07No, he went to live in York, changed his name to John Palmer.
17:10He did a bit of cattle rustling.
17:11But he did get arraigned for shooting his landlord's cock
17:15after Johnny had out hunting.
17:16And the authorities didn't know who he really was.
17:18So he wrote to his brother-in-law for a character reference.
17:20But his brother-in-law turned the letter away because he sought from John Palmer.
17:25In those days, you had to pay sixpence to receive the letter.
17:28And he said, I don't know this person, so I'm not going to pay for it.
17:31And it went back to the postmaster who happened to be the person
17:35who taught Dick Turpin to read and write.
17:37And he recognized Dick Turpin's handwriting and grasped him up.
17:41Stitched him up like a kip.
17:44I do all the characters.
17:46And then to make matters worse, the hangman was an ex-partner of his
17:50who, in exchange for a pardon, had agreed to become a hangman.
17:52There were only 12 people in England around.
17:57Tim Spores' new film has just come out, but Albert Pierpoint,
18:00he opened a pub called The Struggling Man.
18:05And he got it down to seven seconds, apparently, Pierpoint,
18:08from leaving the cell to the prisoner being dead.
18:11Seven seconds.
18:12Do you put them on roller skates?
18:13One of those rope slides.
18:20Put this round your neck, would you?
18:31You know, if you're an American black youth living in Compton, Watts,
18:35various other of those sort of neighbourhoods,
18:37ghettos in the worst parts of America,
18:39and you shoot someone in cold blood,
18:41and are given the death penalty as a result of it,
18:44you will have a longer life than if you don't.
18:46Because the life expectancy is so low.
18:48The life expectancy on the streets is lower than on death row.
18:51But does that mean that they go out to shoot people to prolong their lives?
18:56A friend of mine's a cameraman, and he was doing a documentary in Los Angeles,
18:59and he became friends with a policeman whom he'd been interviewing.
19:02And he said, well, come up in my helicopter,
19:04because he needed aerial shots of L.A.,
19:05and it was very expensive to hire a helicopter for the day.
19:08So he went up in this helicopter going over L.A.,
19:10and he said, you've got a weird, um, is it your GPS system,
19:14the thing that goes ping all the time?
19:15He says, no, that's bullets hitting the bottom of the helicopter.
19:18They have reinforced metal underneath it.
19:20They see a police helicopter, they just shoot it all the time.
19:23Yeah.
19:23That's because there are no more passenger patients.
19:25That's what it is.
19:27Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, all the time.
19:30Got it.
19:30So, this puts us firmly in the saddle of general ignorance.
19:34Fingers on triggers, please.
19:36What crime was committed by Burke and Hare?
19:38Yeah.
19:41Body snatching.
19:42Oh!
19:42There he is.
19:44Thank you for pointing it out.
19:46No.
19:46There was a more serious capital crime that they committed,
19:49and that was simply murder.
19:50They actually cut out the bit where you actually wait for someone to die,
19:54snatch their body, give it to a doctor.
19:56They actually killed 16 people
19:58and took the bodies to a doctor called Knox,
20:00who didn't ask questions, for his dissection.
20:03His body snatching was quite popular, wasn't it?
20:05Oh, yes, they call them the resurrection men.
20:07It was part of the black economy in those days.
20:09There was a lot of dissection going on.
20:11In fact, now they don't do it.
20:13Computers and things,
20:14medical students don't really get the chance to cut open a body.
20:17Really?
20:17There was an awful story of the medical students,
20:21and they used to remove the penis from a body,
20:25and they went to a party,
20:26and this chap attached it to his trousers,
20:28and a woman came up to him and said,
20:30what are you doing?
20:31Your penis is hanging out of your trousers.
20:32He said, oh, is it?
20:33And he cut it off.
20:37And she collapsed.
20:38She fights.
20:41Larry Humphreys, when he was a drinker,
20:42used to do this thing,
20:43he used to have a spoon and a little jar of hind sandwich spread
20:46in his jacket,
20:47and on a flight,
20:49he would start getting really queasy,
20:50and he'd ask for a sick bag,
20:52like that,
20:53into the,
20:54into the bag like that.
20:55And then he'd secretly fill it with sandwich spread.
20:58Oh.
20:59And then he'd take his spoon out of it.
21:04That is simply showing off.
21:09That's enough Birkin hair.
21:10Another question.
21:11What sort of hair does an underground fluffer deal with?
21:22Is it anything to do with the tube?
21:24Is it underground as in?
21:25Is the right answer.
21:26You avoided our trap.
21:27Nothing to do with films and pornography or anything.
21:30Is it to do with cleaning the rails?
21:33Yes.
21:34Gangs of six every night go down,
21:36gather up the hair.
21:38Thirty mile an hour winds come when a train enters the station,
21:41and a lot of hair gets blown down into the tunnels.
21:44Really?
21:44Yeah, that's how I lost mine actually.
21:48Most of it is Tottenham Court Road.
21:52And it's statically attracted to the real, is it?
21:54Well, and it's a prime cause of fire.
21:56I don't understand how you can't have,
21:58you know,
21:58like you used to have a cleaning tape for your cassette deck.
22:03Yes.
22:03You can't have a cleaning tube.
22:05You just send a big furry train down.
22:09Well, that's the fluffers.
22:10What's happened to fluffers in the porn industry?
22:12They're no longer used.
22:14Yes.
22:14Why would that be?
22:16I wish...
22:17David, why is that?
22:20The porn industry, I feel it's your question.
22:22It's a VAT issue.
22:24It's not safe as well, I think.
22:27It's something else beginning with V.
22:29Viagra.
22:30It's done the matter of business.
22:31The fluffer, for those who don't know,
22:33was the person in a porn film
22:34whose job it was to excite the membrum virile
22:37of the male artiste.
22:39And then turn it into an apron.
22:41That's sick.
22:44Yes, fluffers clean the tracks,
22:46they save lives and they stop trains running late.
22:48It's a really tough and underappreciated job
22:51and I think they deserve a round of applause from us.
22:53Hooray!
22:59Now, whose official motto is A Pluribus Unum?
23:04Design!
23:05Design!
23:06Design!
23:07It's not the Four Musketeers or something like that?
23:09No!
23:10It's on the great seal of the United States of America.
23:12A Pluribus Unum.
23:14It means, out of many, one.
23:16But it's actually the motto of Benfica.
23:20Sport Lisboa Benfica.
23:21We thought you'd say United States of America
23:23because we thought it was quite well known.
23:25A little bit too far ahead of me now.
23:27I know where Benfica is.
23:29Yes, where is it?
23:30It's in Lisbon.
23:31It is in Lisbon, absolutely right.
23:32Eusebio is our star player.
23:34There's a statue of him outside the ground.
23:36I remember.
23:36He was from Mozambique.
23:38America's is In God We Trust, actually.
23:40It used to be A Pluribus Unum.
23:42They changed it in 1956 to In God We Trust.
23:45That's when it all started.
23:47Yeah, I'm afraid so.
23:48But you obviously don't watch who wants to be a celebrity millionaire
23:50or a celebrity who wants to be a millionaire
23:52or who celebrity B wants a celebrity.
23:53It takes too long to answer the question.
23:55You've got to have it on Sky Plus and then you can fast forward.
23:57Yeah, I have to agree with that.
23:58And when he stops to talk to them, I'm like, who cares?
24:01Shut up.
24:02Just ask a boxy question.
24:04Yes.
24:05It's B. It's B. It's obviously B.
24:07Anyway.
24:09Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen.
24:11Got half a million quid.
24:13Yes, but he went to the million and he was asked the question
24:16of what motto of the United States is translated from the Latin
24:19and he gave the answer, In God We Trust,
24:22which is the motto of the United States, but it isn't translated from Latin.
24:25And he lost £168,000 and went back to £32,000.
24:29Good Lord.
24:29And then they thought they'd made a bit of a bish in him
24:31because the motto of the United States is not a pluribus unum,
24:34which is what they had given as one of the other answers.
24:36So he was invited back the next week, apparently.
24:38They gave him the money back.
24:39They gave him the half a million.
24:40Yes.
24:41Exactly.
24:41The phrase a pluribus unum actually comes from a recipe
24:43for a salad dressing in...
24:464,000 Ireland.
24:47...attributed to Virgil.
24:48No, color este pluribus unus, and so on.
24:50It goes on like that.
24:51That's where they first found the phrase.
24:53Um, so, for...
24:55Oh, that was actually going to be the bonus question
24:57and I f***ed it up completely.
24:58I don't know.
25:00Never mind.
25:05Someone's weeing on the salad, which is...
25:08So they are.
25:09How bizarre.
25:11Maybe it's a little darling.
25:12I think they call it drizzling in the trade.
25:13Maybe it's a work of art.
25:15Yes.
25:17They've asked me to ask the question again.
25:19Alright.
25:19So, for 50 bonus points...
25:22That's so sweet.
25:25For 50 bonus points,
25:28which completely turned the game around, after all,
25:32at this late stage,
25:33what was a pluribus unum originally?
25:41What was it, Alan?
25:42I think it comes from a...
25:45Is it...
25:46A salad dressing or something?
25:48A recipe.
25:50It's a recipe.
25:50Something from a recipe for salad dressing.
25:56Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
25:59They are so sweet.
26:02Brilliant.
26:03I don't know how you knew that.
26:05I don't know.
26:06I think it will confuse the viewer at home.
26:07It's one of those things you know,
26:08but you don't know how you know it.
26:12There was a lot of space in my head for those things.
26:16Well, you're absolutely right.
26:17I'm very impressed.
26:18It was an early kind of Latin salsa verde or pesto.
26:21Which brings us to the delicious matter of the scores.
26:24Out of the many, we have one winner.
26:27So in reverse order, in last place just with minus nine is David Mitchell.
26:32Well played.
26:36And in third place with minus eight, Andy Hamilton.
26:43In second place with minus four is John Sessions.
26:51Do my eyes deceive me, ladies and gentlemen?
26:54In first place with 54 points in elevation.
26:58Wow.
27:06The amazing thing is, you would have won even without that bonus.
27:10One of the happiest days of my life.
27:13Well, it's a happy day whenever you're here.
27:15And my thanks go to our other happy, happy, happies.
27:18Andy, David, John and Alan.
27:20And I leave you now to mull on the complex moral implications
27:24of the tragic tale of four carrier pigeons
27:26that landed in a Canadian army trench during the First World War.
27:29The Canadians ate three of them and used the fourth to send a thank you letter.
27:35Good night.
27:35Good night.
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