- 4 hours ago
First broadcast 25th November 2011.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rich Hall
Jack Dee
Chris Addison
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Rich Hall
Jack Dee
Chris Addison
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05And welcome to QI, the quiz show that glows in the dark.
00:10Tonight we're peering through the gloom at subjects of illumination and invisibility.
00:16Joining me under the covers with a torch, a packet of crisps, and the latest edition of the Gentleman's Magazine,
00:21we have the enlightened Jack Dee.
00:27The illuminating Chris Addison, the incandescent Rich Hall, and a bright spark, Alan Davis.
00:49Now, should any of you wish to draw attention to your brilliance, you can light up my life in the
00:55following manner.
00:56Jack goes...
01:03Chris goes...
01:04Rich goes...
01:07And Alan goes...
01:14Good.
01:15Now, each of you should have a set of cards.
01:20During the course of the game, I want you to see if you can find out what these international symbols
01:25stand for.
01:27You can decide for yourself, you can write underneath, on top, beside.
01:33They are all recognised international symbols for some very truly real...
01:39That's Lady Gaga.
01:41You've already made your mind up.
01:44You've also got a question-marked little joker card.
01:47One of the questions I ask tonight has the answer, basically, nobody knows.
01:53And if you can guess which...
01:55Nobody knows.
01:57There you are.
01:59Of course, you're most surprised.
02:01If you can guess which question it is to which there is an answer that nobody knows, you'll get extra
02:05points.
02:05Now, in 1879, the Blackpool Illuminations began.
02:11They were visited by up to 100,000 people from all over Britain,
02:16and were so bright that they were described as artificial sunshine.
02:19And my question simply is, how many lamps did they use?
02:24I love the idea that people at Blackpool consider this to be like sunset.
02:27Oh, are you saying we don't know?
02:29We do know, I'm afraid.
02:30Oh, we know precisely how many they used.
02:32Oh, we did.
02:33Hang on, 1879?
02:36Yes.
02:37So this is before the invention of the bulb?
02:42Well done.
02:42Certainly before the invention of the filament bulb by Thomas Alva Edison, yes.
02:46You know, he wasn't, he didn't have the idea for the bulb, he had an idea for something else.
02:50And they went, bing!
02:51Oh, hey!
02:53Hey!
02:54Hey, that's very good.
02:55I'll do that instead.
02:56Yes.
02:57It is, isn't it?
02:58Yes, you're right.
02:59It wasn't light bulbs as we know them, they were carbon arc lamps.
03:03With such as, they're still used by the film industry right up until the 1980s.
03:07100,000 people visited.
03:08My question remains, how many lamps did they use to draw that many people?
03:1112.
03:1312 lamps!
03:15Yeah, damn close, it's eight.
03:16Is it?
03:17Yes!
03:18That's what's so extraordinary, eight at a distance of 370 yards apart.
03:22It was still astonishing enough, no one had ever seen anything like it, to draw crowds.
03:26Because then there wasn't much to do, was there?
03:29Because it caused light, and everything else was gaslight, which was a very different sort
03:32of light, and this was a white, bright, daylight sort of light.
03:36So what did moths do before then?
03:38I don't know what, moths, I mean, how, why don't moths come out during the day if they're
03:42so fond of the bloody light?
03:45Really?
03:46Maybe they could just sit still then, could you go, wow.
03:48Yeah.
03:49This is amazing.
03:52It's very peculiar.
03:54You know, Edison electrocuted an elephant.
03:56He did.
03:57It's my favourite fact of all time.
03:58Yes, do you know why?
03:59Yeah, it was a death sentence, he was carrying out an execution.
04:02I think you might know this because you saw it, oh, QR.
04:05Yes.
04:06That's fascinating.
04:06We have actually.
04:07The reason why we're joining you people so late is you covered basically all human knowledge.
04:11Why are you in Saga saying, this rings a bell?
04:14Is this right?
04:15Maybe that's what I know this story, but you are absolutely right.
04:18Yeah, there is film of it, which you can see.
04:19It's a very tragic story.
04:21Elephant snuff movies.
04:22Yeah, I'm afraid.
04:23It's very sad, very sad.
04:25But Blackpool, on the other hand, were keen to attract people and it worked, as you probably
04:29know and as you spoke of as a lad from the Northwest yourself and in fact from all over
04:33Britain, people every September go, just as the season is ending, the illuminations go up
04:38and they attract millions of people and of course, fabulous celebrities come to turn on
04:43the, can you name some of the?
04:45Well, what, I think Jane Mansfield did it once upon a time.
04:48Very good, Chris Anderson.
04:49Wait, wait.
04:49There she is.
04:50Yeah?
04:51Jane Mansfield came.
04:52Woo-hoo!
04:52Yes.
04:53And then the lads from Top Gear.
04:54So it's this, they've made a bit of the colors.
04:57The bloke on the left, can't believe it.
05:00That's the mayor, I think.
05:01Oh, this is terrific.
05:02The mayor, even the mayor has his delight.
05:04Yes, he is well.
05:06But, other people have opened it.
05:08Red rum, they made a special sort of pedal so that when he trod on it, it turned on.
05:13That was in 1977.
05:14And then they electrocuted him.
05:15Yeah.
05:18Michael Ball in 1997 and in 2006, Dale Winton.
05:22Oh, they should have electrocuted him.
05:24I think they've peaked.
05:26Where can they go from there?
05:27Exactly.
05:27Dale's definitely peaked.
05:28They've reached the top, haven't they?
05:30Yeah, they have.
05:30But it costs them £50,000 worth of electricity every year.
05:33To get down, Winton.
05:34Well, not...
05:34No, of electricity to get, you know, to run the illuminations.
05:38Not anymore, because they use those low-energy light bulbs.
05:41There's no point going for the first 15 minutes of the illuminations.
05:44You have to wait.
05:44You have to wait for it to warm up.
05:46Go to the countdown.
05:47Three, two, one.
05:49Pfff.
05:49Oh.
05:50Come back in 15 minutes.
05:52It'll be lovely.
05:53Cost over £2.4 million to stage, but apparently brings £275 million to the economy.
06:00Because so many people come to watch.
06:02But it's free, isn't it?
06:03I know, but they buy fish and chips.
06:05They stay in the night.
06:05£275 million worth of fish and chips.
06:08It brings 3.5 million people, and they don't have to spend more than £7 for that to be the
06:15amount of money that they will do.
06:17Well, there you are.
06:17Yeah, the original Blackpool illuminations consisted of eight bulbs.
06:20Today, they're six miles long, and they use 200 miles of wire and a million light bulbs.
06:25Now, if you can dispel the shadows on this one for me, I'd be very grateful.
06:29Why did Mexican revolutionary Pancho Villa have to wait for the light?
06:36There he is, Pancho Villa.
06:39He only had to wait until the banks were open before he could rob them.
06:42Well, Pancho Villa was part of a war in Mexico.
06:45He was.
06:45He was great, yes.
06:46Quite a tremendous stature, but now reduced to a chain of tawdry Mexican restaurants where suburban bimbos go and drink
06:54margaritas for $2 a pitcher and weep into their guacamole.
06:59That's just why you didn't get that gig in advertising.
07:03But there was a three-part war.
07:04There was the government of Mexico against two revolutionaries, Pancho Villa and...
07:08Oh, is it Zapata?
07:09Zapata, yes, the other one.
07:10Shoe, I think, in Mexican, isn't it?
07:12Yes.
07:13Yeah, in Spanish.
07:13Which Pancho Villa means house of Pancho.
07:17Yes.
07:19He wasn't called Pancho Villa, was he?
07:20He was, he took his name from his granddad, which is the best name I've ever heard, which is...
07:25Aston.
07:26Aston Villa.
07:29It was Jesus Villa, which just sounds like the Pope's holiday home.
07:33No, we go to...
07:34Jesus Villa.
07:36Jesus Villa, yeah, yeah.
07:36It so happened that the American public were rather fascinated by this Mexican war and different
07:42American film companies paid the different sides for the rights to film their battles.
07:51And Pancho Villa got 20% of the box office of the mutual film company who were on his side,
07:58as it were.
07:58But he had to wait until the cameras were set up and the light was right before he could
08:02begin the battle.
08:04And they made him dress up in a general's uniform.
08:06Usually he went casual, but they made him dress up in a general's uniform to look like that.
08:11So just before they charge, did they get make-up and everything?
08:14Yeah, that wasn't quite that bad.
08:16But it was an extraordinary, bizarre war run for American studios.
08:20And the strange thing is that actually the reality wasn't that exciting, and they would
08:25re-enact it back in America to make it look more bloody and dramatic, but they would use
08:30the footage of him pointing in his uniform.
08:33He, because he, like, lots of the Mexican revolutionaries sort of operated as bandits
08:38as well, didn't they?
08:38They were, they, they were sort of political armies and, but they were bandits to raise
08:43money for their, for their armies.
08:44And he held up a train and he, and he took 122 silver ingots and a bank employee, a Wells
08:53Fargo
08:53bank employee, hostage, and then forced Wells Fargo to help him sell the ingots with the
09:00hostage.
09:01Good Lord.
09:01It's fantastically clever.
09:03Very good.
09:04I can't cope with two intelligent, interesting people on this show.
09:07It's good, isn't it?
09:08It's very hard.
09:09He didn't just say 120, it was 122.
09:11I like that.
09:12But it sticks with you.
09:13Scolarly of you.
09:14Very impressive.
09:15Um, we said on QI, we, we told you what Pancho Villa's last words were.
09:19Um, I don't know if you remember, Alan, you were definitely there.
09:21Turn the lights out.
09:25Ouch.
09:26No, don't let it end like this.
09:28Let me at least say something.
09:31It was apparently, but we've since discovered that this may be a myth because his car was
09:38hit by 40 bullets and he himself by nine dun-dun bullets.
09:41So he was probably killed instantly and said nothing.
09:43But I like the idea of someone being disappointed that they didn't have any last words to say.
09:47Maybe it was reverse.
09:50Don't park here.
09:51Tell them I said something was his supposed last words.
09:55Cut.
09:56Yeah.
09:56Cut.
09:57Um, can you tell me the war where the first footage, the first film footage was ever used?
10:03Well, about, if you run past the Bayer Tapestry really fast, it kind of looks.
10:08It's not one of our better known wars.
10:10It's the Greco-Turkey War of, uh, 1897.
10:14And there was a British film cameraman called Villers who took the footage and then got home
10:20and was really annoyed to find that someone else had reenacted the battles back home in
10:24England and they were playing in the newsreels because this was, yeah, this was, the whole
10:29thing was that newsreel was so new that people were incredibly excited and they didn't really
10:35know how reality looked, um, far away in battles.
10:39And if you lived in, in London or in Bradfield or wherever it might be and you went to a
10:43newsreel place, you kind of believed what you saw.
10:45And so in the naval battles of the Spanish-American War, there was a guy who cut out battleships
10:52and pasted them on bits of wood and put them in a tank of water just an inch thick and
10:57had,
10:58um, little bits of gunpowder that he lit and had an office boy blow cigar smoke.
11:02Michael Bente.
11:03Like this.
11:05And it played to packed houses who people thought this was, they were watching a real
11:09naval battle.
11:10They just, they just re-enacted them back home.
11:13Yes.
11:13They just took it on faith in those days early on.
11:16And to be fair, to some extent, even today, most journalists who work in war zones will
11:21tell you they kind of sex up their video footage.
11:25They do a lot of woo-hoo-hoo with the camera, um, just simply to catch our interest.
11:29I've often wondered, you know, people who report at things like flower shows, whether
11:33they are just slightly cowardly war correspondents.
11:38They're working their way up, but they're just working with the gentle stuff first.
11:41Yes.
11:42Like, start with the azaleas.
11:43Yes.
11:43Something not too scary.
11:45I'd say that the, uh, number one rule of battle photographers is you always run toward
11:49the gunshot when everyone else is running away from it.
11:52Right.
11:52Which I think, you know, weeds out a lot of people right away.
11:57I'm, uh...
11:57I'm gonna shoot weddings.
11:58Yes.
12:00I'd say you come here.
12:01The earliest we can date back this idea of faking, uh, war photography to make it more
12:07interesting, to give it human interest, is in the 1857-58 Indian Uprising, where the
12:12Secunder Bagh massacre was photographed, and the photographer just bestrewed it with human
12:18bones.
12:19Uh, those were added by the photographer.
12:21And he carried them in a bag.
12:22Well, I don't know where he got them from.
12:24I suspect he dug them up.
12:26But you can see literally skulls and femurs and rib cages.
12:29I mean, it certainly tells the story of some death going on.
12:33Yeah.
12:33But it was a fake.
12:35That guy did my wedding photography.
12:36I wasn't pleased about that.
12:38He was old too, wasn't he?
12:40Let's be honest.
12:41He was very, very old.
12:43Now, what is this man about to do?
12:52It's to do with our theme, one of our I words.
12:55Invisible.
12:56Yeah, that, I mean, if I was gonna say, they're gonna turn invisible, you're gonna get terribly
13:01excited imagine they're gonna disappear completely.
13:03But nonetheless, it is technology that is on the way to invisibility.
13:08It certainly creates a transparent coat, as you will see.
13:15Ooh.
13:16That's not a post.
13:17Nothing.
13:18That's not a post effect.
13:20That is happening in real time.
13:21That's being filmed there.
13:22That's that.
13:24And that's the coat there.
13:25And that's it being filmed.
13:27There are two cameras, aren't there?
13:28There's a camera.
13:28Yes, so what's happening?
13:30Superimposing the front camera onto the picture on the back camera.
13:33Essentially, that's the technique.
13:34And it does actually have interesting applications that are beginning to be developed, allowing
13:39pilots to see through the floors of their planes, for example.
13:43Why just to scare the shit out of them?
13:47God, keep my mind on my job.
13:48Holy shit.
13:49Keep looking up.
13:50That could be the reason.
13:51That could be the reason.
13:52But yeah, I mean, it's quite a good effect, isn't it?
13:54He's called Professor Susumutachi, and the cloak is made of a material called retroreflectum.
13:59And as Jack rightly spotted, it's projecting an image onto itself of what is behind the wearer.
14:04The computer generates the image that's projected so the viewer effectively sees through.
14:09That would really screw them up at airports, wouldn't it?
14:11Oh, wouldn't that be very odd?
14:12Going through security.
14:14One of those.
14:14It would be great for talking to boring people.
14:16You could just look straight through them.
14:18What's going on behind?
14:19Yes.
14:20I mean, cloaking technology, as we know, is at its...
14:22It's at an early stage.
14:24The Romulans have it, I believe.
14:25Harry Potter.
14:27Ron Weasley's car can go invisible.
14:30Ron Weasley's dad's Ford Anglia.
14:31Ford Anglia, yes.
14:32Can go invisible.
14:33That's true.
14:34But that does wear the battery out.
14:36Yes, exactly.
14:37And Harry has an invisibility cloak.
14:40He's like that.
14:41There are some quite interesting technologies that make things invisible, which have some limitations.
14:45One is that it's only infrared.
14:48One is on objects which are so small as they are already invisible to the naked eye.
14:54You see that thing you can't see?
14:55Yeah.
14:56Hello!
14:56I've just made it invisible.
14:58That kind of doesn't really work, does it?
15:00Interestingly, of course, in nature, they've got round this problem.
15:04Not exactly of invisibility, but of, well, there is camouflage.
15:09Chameleons and changing them.
15:10I saw an octopus once and it appears to change the colour of its skin and just looks like a
15:15rock.
15:15Yes.
15:16Amazing to watch.
15:16Yeah, and other cephalopods, notably the Hawaiian bobtail squid, like your octopus, can camouflage itself.
15:24But the one thing that might give you away if you camouflage yourself is your shadow.
15:28And this clever chap can even make his shadow invisible.
15:33He's got iridescence that he can use to light behind him.
15:37Yeah.
15:37He's got a very quick mind.
15:38You're absolutely right.
15:39He ingests bioluminescent food that goes into his stomach and his stomach controls by the
15:45use of oxygen how much the bioluminescent food in his stomach shines and it shines out and
15:51casts a light over his own shadow, thus dispelling it.
15:54Where can you buy this food?
15:55It's a lot of bother to go to, though, isn't it?
15:56To be honest.
15:57It's a magnificent piece of evolution, really.
16:00Jim Lovell, who was an astronaut, Apollo 13 astronaut, all his instruments died when
16:06he was a naval pilot and he was at sea in complete blackness.
16:09I think there was no moon as it happened that particular night.
16:12How could he find his aircraft carrier?
16:15And he could just see this very faint phosphorescent wake of the aircraft carrier, which itself
16:21was over the horizon.
16:21So he just followed it and followed it and followed it and eventually he got to the
16:25aircraft carrier and landed on it.
16:27There's a lot of life at sea that is luminescent.
16:30It's quite beautiful.
16:30It was a very rare occurrence.
16:32Yes.
16:32That luminescence happened every so often.
16:35Yes.
16:35When it happened to Lovell, it was a complete coincidence that it happened to be that day.
16:39It wouldn't always have happened.
16:41So he was a doubly lucky man.
16:42A very lucky man, yeah.
16:42Surviving 13 as well, yes.
16:44Yeah.
16:44So you knew the story already.
16:45I did, yeah.
16:45Well, the moon, that's my thing.
16:47It is, isn't it?
16:48I'd forgotten that.
16:49You're very much a moon.
16:50Yeah.
16:51Extra points all the way to Chris Addison.
16:53We're beginning to get a little bit humiliated by him, aren't we?
16:55Yeah, might as well.
16:58Chris, do you know what these mean?
17:01I think I've got a guess.
17:03Actually, during the Indonesian confrontation, as it was called in the early 60s, the British
17:08army were very puzzled as to how the Indonesians could travel in the darkest forest and they'd
17:13all stay together in single file completely.
17:15and they would tuck a rotting leaf into the back of their hats and it gave off just enough phosphorescence
17:22for them to see the person ahead and they could stay in absolute line.
17:25Is that in any rotting...?
17:27I don't think it's any rotting thing.
17:28I think they knew which leaves to pick in the forest.
17:31Wow.
17:32Now, what do these people do for a living behind me here?
17:35This thing's going to go off, isn't it?
17:37Ninja.
17:37Oh!
17:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:42Are they not ninjas?
17:43No, they're not ninjas.
17:45The darkest clothes that ninjas have ever worn have been blue, possibly at night, but ninjas never wear black.
17:50The reason that ninjas...
17:52Why it's so slimming?
17:54I always thought ninjas might be fat and that's why they...
17:57Yes, in order to look better.
17:59Is that better for me?
18:00No, it's a sort of odd thing is that there is a tradition in Kabuki theatre that if anything is
18:06black you can't see it.
18:07So, people can move furniture around and things like that, because they're wearing black they are stagehands.
18:13And then, as a rather wonderful surprise in Kabuki, they might have a stagehand suddenly kill someone.
18:20And that because there'd be a ninja, because the ninjas were the secret assassins.
18:24And so this association, this pop association appeared that ninjas wore black, but they never did.
18:30They didn't sort of fight though, did they ninjas?
18:32They were kind of, the point was they would run away a lot.
18:35Yes, well...
18:36I think it was all distraction techniques, was how they used to overcome their foe.
18:41So they would throw talcum powder or whatever, and whilst you're distracted with the lovely skin...
18:45There you go, go on.
18:46They'd run away.
18:47And moisturise.
18:48And that, yeah, but they would throw cards or, you know...
18:51Yes, they would...
18:52And then run, because they didn't want to engage.
18:54Yes, what they weren't, they were the exact opposite of the samurai.
18:56Samurai were all about honourable man-on-man sword fighting.
19:01And ninjas were about, as you said, scouting, spying, deceiving, all kinds of different little tricks of one kind or
19:10another.
19:11And indeed those kind of things you mentioned were part of their repertoire.
19:13But what they never did was wear black.
19:15Stay with Japan for a moment.
19:17Tell me something quite interesting about the original geishas.
19:21They're all men.
19:23Yes!
19:24Oh, God.
19:27Absolutely right.
19:29Bravo!
19:32Until 1751, all geishas were men.
19:36Originally geishas were almost more like court jesters.
19:39They were not courtesans, as they're often considered to be now.
19:42And then it took about a hundred years before there was an even number, and then the female geishas sort
19:47of overtook.
19:47And now they're all female.
19:50Now, how about an ingenious interlude?
19:53Have a look at this glass tank behind you, and tell me how many balls there are in there.
20:00One.
20:02Two, three.
20:03Well done, Alan.
20:05Four.
20:05So far, so good.
20:07Yeah.
20:07Five.
20:08Yeah.
20:09Five.
20:10The worst episode of the national lottery.
20:14So how many are in there, would you say?
20:15Five.
20:17Five.
20:18Five.
20:18Well, it looked like five, didn't it?
20:20Five.
20:23You might be rather surprised to know that there are actually over a thousand glass balls in there.
20:27About.
20:28And we can show you perhaps a better view of how many there are.
20:31What's that?
20:32Oh.
20:33They're all invisible.
20:34And in fact, we have an example of precisely these kinds of...
20:39There they are.
20:40They're gooey.
20:41They're really weird.
20:41They're called hydrogel beads.
20:43But I can't see them.
20:44You can see them, yes.
20:45And we deliberately allowed them to be visible.
20:48But in large glass tanks, they wouldn't be visible.
20:51Well, if you push one underwater, it goes invisible.
20:52Exactly.
20:53And they have the same refractive index as water, which as you know is...
20:56Which means it's been like the compressor at the same angle.
20:58Yes.
20:58So they appear to be invisible in water.
21:01We can't see it!
21:04Yeah.
21:05Quick, a hairdryer.
21:06Oh, it's gone down the set.
21:07Is there a...
21:09It's suddenly going to start floating away.
21:12Is there a use for them?
21:12Yeah, there we are.
21:13I've got a glass of water there.
21:14Are they worth 500 pounds each?
21:20I've got seven.
21:21I've got that one.
21:21What are they...
21:24What are they useful?
21:25Well, they have a commercial use, actually.
21:26Oh, I broke it!
21:27Oh, no.
21:28Is it burst?
21:29Yeah, it burst.
21:30No, it's sort of gone into pieces, actually.
21:32It's like...
21:32Oh, yes.
21:32It's rather strange material.
21:34Can you guess the commercial use?
21:36Packing things.
21:37Oh!
21:37No, flower arranging is one.
21:38Is it for packing goldfish?
21:40No.
21:43Why aren't they making battleships out of this stuff?
21:45Well, who knows?
21:46All kinds of new uses may be fun.
21:47Submarine.
21:47It's making a submarine out of it.
21:48I have to say, this feels gorgeous.
21:51It's quite good, isn't it?
21:52Oh!
21:53It's quite a good feel.
21:54It's really, there's something...
21:55It's quite...
21:55Yeah, there's something quite gorgeous about that.
21:57Yeah.
21:58Might have a play around with that later.
22:00Yep, he might.
22:03Another use is the manufacture of...
22:07A...
22:09Disgusting.
22:11Another use...
22:13Jack's gonna put his willy in it.
22:17Oh, I've already put it in that one.
22:20Oh!
22:22It's weird, because when you put it in, you couldn't see it.
22:26Well, it has the same refractive index as we told you.
22:29It's time to think of a comeback!
22:33Yeah, the other use, apart from flower arranging, is the manufacture of contact lenses.
22:37It really freaked people out if you put them in your eyes, wouldn't you?
22:41Well, obviously, yes, not necessarily in the rounds.
22:44Marty Feldman's contact lenses.
22:46Any of these coming up in any of these?
22:49Not yet, no.
22:50Nearly all the light in the world, of course, comes from our sun.
22:55In which month is the sun closest to the Earth?
23:01Oh...
23:01That must be July.
23:03No.
23:07Well, isn't it the same distance from the Earth all the time?
23:10No, because it's an elliptical orbit.
23:14January, February, March, April, May.
23:17Yes, you're right, first time.
23:19January.
23:20Yes, people make the mistake that summer is somehow the time when the Earth is closest to the sun.
23:26Well, look, that is summer, mate.
23:27No, summer is not when the Earth is closest to the sun.
23:29It happens to be in January in the southern hemisphere of that summer,
23:33but in the northern hemisphere, the sun is closer to us in January than it is in July.
23:38The tilt of the axis, when the maximum amount of sunlight is on, you have the longer days.
23:43That's what makes the seasons, not the closeness of the sun to the Earth.
23:48What was interesting are the tropics.
23:51The first person to reason the tropics were not hotter because they're nearer the sun,
23:55but because a smaller area is lit by an equal amount of light compared to other latitudes was George Best.
24:03It was absolutely true. It was George Best who worked that out.
24:06Oh, you've lost it now.
24:07You've completely lost it. You're going to have to hand this over to someone else.
24:10It was George Best who was killed two years later in a duel in 1584.
24:13Yes.
24:14He was an Elizabethan scientist.
24:16It's always going to be another George Best.
24:17Just for a second, didn't you think that the Northern Irish hero might have worked?
24:23Well, you come up with some interesting stuff when you drink that much.
24:25You do. You might have come up with that. It's a nice thought.
24:29You know what I reckon.
24:33My next question is this. Why can't blindfolded people walk in a straight line?
24:38Can't see where they're going.
24:42Next question.
24:47Because...
24:47I'm afraid the chance has passed. The fact is nobody knows.
24:54There you go. Although it is a recognised phenomenon and people have theories about it, nobody's really quite sure why
25:00it should be that one's ability to walk in an absolutely straight line is completely compromised.
25:05As you know, even in short distances, people don't just go off straight. They actually curve.
25:11It was first discovered by a fellow who saw it in amoebas and thought, I wonder if it's true of
25:15humans.
25:16Who's blindfolded amoebas?
25:18How do you do it? They're so small.
25:19How do you do such a thing? How do you do it?
25:22Come here, you bastard.
25:23He was...
25:24He's got me again.
25:25He was called Asa Schaefer.
25:27So he asked a friend of his, who he blindfolded, he started to walk in a straight line across a
25:32country field, and he plotted his friend's track, which was a clockwise spiral, until the man happened to stumble into
25:39a tree stone.
25:39But it was a complete spiral. And this is what people do. We've actually covered this before in QI, but
25:44more research has been done.
25:45Look, we have a little film that is actually happening. Someone made a cartoon of it. We didn't. Obviously we
25:49don't have the budget.
25:50This is what he told him to do. Walk in a straight line.
25:53Is that how he walked?
25:54Well, apparently.
25:56He was practicing to be a zombie.
25:58And this, this is, this is exactly it. And he was convinced he was going straight. The spiral went, spiral,
26:03spiral, spiral, spiral, until he hit the stump.
26:04And that is how we will all do it.
26:06We will swear to ourselves, no, I'm going straight, I'm going straight, I'm going straight, I'm going straight, I'm going
26:10straight.
26:10We'll hold our hands up in front of our heads and see if that somehow helps.
26:12And for some reason, we need a visual cue, like a mountain or the sun or something, but nobody knows
26:17why that should be.
26:18Could it be, and this is, I'm being quite serious.
26:21Yeah.
26:22As you'll see, it's not funny what I'm about.
26:26Could it be a preservation thing so that the, we have an inbuilt device that makes us go in a
26:34huge circle and we can't see where we're going.
26:35So you always get back to where you know where you are.
26:37I think I've cracked it.
26:39I think I've cracked it.
26:39That is quite a convincing idea.
26:41Yeah.
26:41I like it.
26:43Some, some, I mean it's, it's.
26:44Can we make a bonfire, please?
26:47It's as, it's as convincing as anybody else's theorem.
26:49Further proof that the world is flat.
26:52Maybe that's what it is.
26:53Preservation device, stop you walking off the edge.
26:55Now.
26:56Now.
26:57Now.
26:58Now.
27:00Let's try an experiment.
27:01Perfect.
27:01I would like you all, all.
27:03And when I say all, I mean everyone to close their eyes.
27:06So the audience included.
27:07Close your eyes and all you have to do with your eyes closed is simply point northeast.
27:13What?
27:14Just point northeast.
27:16Northeast?
27:17Yes, in the northeast direction.
27:18Just point your hand in the northeast direction.
27:20Everyone do it.
27:20Everyone do it.
27:21Okay.
27:22Alright.
27:23That.
27:26I haven't moved.
27:27No, no, I'm not pointing.
27:28You were pointing down for some reason.
27:30No, I was supposed to be like.
27:32It's actually just almost directly behind me.
27:34Closest was definitely Chris there.
27:37Yeah.
27:37You're not going to tell me Chris gets points for that as well.
27:41I suppose what's interesting is unless you happen to belong to a very rare and unfortunately
27:45diminishing aboriginal tribe in Australia.
27:48We just simply do not have an instinctive and automatic understanding of north and south
27:52wherever we are at whatever time.
27:54And it's linguistic.
27:56This particular tribe in their language, they have no word for left and right, that from
27:59the earliest age their children will be told, they say, oh, the salt's at your southeast
28:05elbow.
28:05And I'll just pick up there.
28:06And everything is in absolute relation to north and south.
28:10They don't have salt sellers.
28:12Well, whatever.
28:15Whatever.
28:17They may.
28:18The point is that they always know, wherever they are, whether inside, outside, instantly,
28:22north, south, whether it's dark or light, wherever it is.
28:24And they use in all senses of directions, including their own bodies.
28:29If you flew these people to the other hemisphere, would they think it was the other way?
28:33Like water going down a plug?
28:35It's an interesting point.
28:36I don't know.
28:37They're called the Pomparoa people.
28:39And their language is called Kukthaiora.
28:42And, unfortunately, it's a dying language, as so many of these aboriginal languages are.
28:46I mean, around the world, over 100 languages a year become extinct.
28:50And, of course, our prepositions that we tend to use in terms of space, we also tend to use in
28:56terms of time.
28:57And we have this idea that the future is forward.
29:00But the Amara Indians in South America think that the past is ahead and the future is behind.
29:06That must make bill paying a lot easier.
29:09It's just a different way of looking at things.
29:11They're thinking that the future there is behind, is the unknown.
29:15The future is there, we don't know what the future is, it's behind us.
29:18The point is, these things are stuck in our language so much, we assume they're natural and right.
29:22And so when we come across another culture that thinks in another way, it gives us great pause,
29:27because these aren't necessarily natural and right.
29:29They're just actually...
29:29I still think they are right.
29:31Do you?
29:31Yes, I do.
29:32I won't be swayed.
29:33Fair enough.
29:34When they say back in the day, they mean something hasn't happened yet.
29:37Hmm.
29:38Yes.
29:38How can you look forward to stuff if it's all behind you?
29:42They would find you just as weird, that's all I'm saying.
29:45Well, now you're being rude.
29:48It's time to admit that I had a sip of water and then I did swallow one of those.
29:52You won't see it when it comes out.
29:57Now, what happened when Colonel William Rankin got stuck for 30 minutes in one of these?
30:04Oh!
30:04Oh!
30:06Oh!
30:06It was a puzzle and they had to try and solve it.
30:09Is that what it was?
30:09You haven't got one of those, I think.
30:11But that is an example.
30:12You've got international symbols.
30:15Is it a diving belt?
30:16It's not a diving belt.
30:18It is an international...
30:19It's an expired parking meter.
30:20No.
30:21Any other thought?
30:23Any glue with a loft conversion?
30:26These are all good answers.
30:29Ah!
30:30When I say it's the tallest structure that we know on the planet?
30:34Man-made?
30:35No.
30:36No.
30:37Is it beneath the ocean, this tall structure?
30:40No.
30:40It's in the other ocean.
30:43It's in the sky.
30:44Yes.
30:45A cloud.
30:47Yes.
30:47It's a particular kind of cloud.
30:49It's...
30:49That kind of a cloud.
30:51Is...
30:51That was its symbol.
30:53A fluffy cloud.
30:55It's a cumulonimbus.
30:57It's kind of anvil shaped.
30:59He was stuck in there for half an hour?
31:01He was stuck in there for half an hour, yes.
31:03He was a US pilot and he ejected.
31:05So he opened his shoe then?
31:06He opened his shoe, but it was a half an hour inside this thing being buffeted about.
31:10So how tall was the pole that Simon was on?
31:21You may have missed the point, Jack.
31:25So anyway, they get up to about 23,000 metres high, which is fantastically high.
31:29He was buffeted about in it.
31:31He did survive.
31:32His eyes were bleeding.
31:33His ears were bleeding.
31:34He was pelted with hail.
31:35He was in a terrible state, but he did survive.
31:37He was the only person who's known to have fallen down through one of these structures and survived.
31:43Anyway, listen.
31:44What use...
31:45While we're with clouds.
31:46Yes.
31:46What use to a pilot is a morning glory?
31:49Ah, now.
31:50His joystick fails.
31:56Oh, dear.
31:57He's smiling, isn't he?
31:58Yeah.
31:59I think it's a co-pilot's joystick.
32:00Maybe that's what...
32:01That's why they always sound so relaxed.
32:03Morning, ladies and gentlemen.
32:06Welcome on board.
32:07Well, aside from the possibility of what a morning glory...
32:10There'd be something to do with the sunlight coming over the horizon.
32:12Well, no, it's an annual event that takes place in northern Queensland, Australia, called the Morning Glory.
32:19And it's a remarkable cloud system.
32:21It's really amazing.
32:22We've got a picture of it.
32:23It can be up to 600 miles long.
32:25That's as long as, well, the United Kingdom.
32:28Wow.
32:28Look at that.
32:28There.
32:29And it's over Birktown, which has a population of 178 people.
32:33But lots of people come.
32:34And the reason they come is, apparently, if you're a glider, a gliding pilot, you get the ride of your
32:39life.
32:39They could go at 35 miles an hour, this cloud.
32:42And inside it, apparently, it's the most exciting thing that you can experience.
32:45And you bump into a bloke with a parachute.
32:47Get off!
32:48Eyes are bleeding.
32:50No!
32:51Can you see the sign?
32:57Oh, dear.
32:58And that's the only place for a cloud like that?
33:00Oh?
33:01Yeah.
33:01It's the mother of the mall.
33:03And apparently, soaring along it is just the greatest experience you can have.
33:06Indian granny clouds.
33:08What can you tell me about an Indian granny cloud?
33:11Did it win?
33:13Did an Indian granny cloud win the 2.30 at Kempton Park?
33:18Is it a fart in a restaurant?
33:19Oh!
33:23Oh, I'm so disappointed.
33:25An old lady has a pump in a carry house.
33:28Did they go up in the sky and they can't remember what they went up for?
33:32Um, no.
33:34Cloud.
33:34Think of cloud in the 21st century.
33:36What other use has cloud been put to as a word?
33:39It's a sort of computer thing.
33:40Oh, for me, isn't it?
33:40It's a computer term, yes.
33:41It's a scheme whereby grannies in England, using Skype or some similar kind of technology,
33:48teach and educate and inform and enlighten children in India, all the way from England.
33:53It was started by a professor, Sugatra Mitra.
33:57How to make jam, possibly.
33:59They tutor in Indian classrooms where they're short of teachers.
34:02And apparently it's been an enormous success.
34:04Why grannies?
34:05Well, because they've got a bit of time on their hands and because they care.
34:09Drop one pearl one.
34:11Imagine the exports of Werther's Originals to India.
34:15They're all listening to Michael Ball records.
34:18Yeah.
34:20So what we're looking at, anyway, with your symbols, are part of what is known as the International Cloud Atlas.
34:28Yeah?
34:29All right.
34:30And can you tell me what they are?
34:32They represent countries.
34:33No, they represent...
34:34Or an Atlas.
34:35No.
34:35No.
34:37You know what?
34:38I don't really listen enough, do I?
34:40They represent types...
34:42I bet you're a teacher.
34:44Oh, God.
34:45He reminds me of all my kids.
34:47They represent a type of cloud.
34:49It just looks like Simpleton Snap.
34:51It does, doesn't it?
34:52I know.
34:53But what did you think they were before you knew they were clouds?
34:55Did you have any idea?
34:56I had this one.
34:57Had you written anything on them?
34:58I thought they were things to help traumatize children or something.
35:01Tell me what you think.
35:04I have elderly-used handbrake.
35:08Yes.
35:09Very elderly-used handbrake.
35:10That's fantastic.
35:11Very good.
35:11We call that pregnant, this is pregnant.
35:17Very good.
35:19That's actually ET being quite rude.
35:25You don't know what it means, but it's rude.
35:28Absolutely.
35:29Well, there you are.
35:30The International Cloud Atlas.
35:32Yeah.
35:32There were three forms.
35:33The cumulus, the...
35:34Strato cumulus.
35:35The stratus.
35:36Nimbus.
35:36And the cirrus, the fluffy one, yes.
35:38And then all the mixtures of those in between.
35:40The altocumulus, the stratocumulus, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on.
35:44Now, it's that time of night when we group our way towards general ignorance at the end of the tunnel,
35:49so fingers on buzzers, please.
35:51Name the largest black body in the solar system.
35:55Oprah Winfrey.
35:56Whoa!
35:58Oh!
35:59Oh, Rich!
36:01Oh!
36:02Oh!
36:08In the solar system.
36:09Nice black hole.
36:09Nice black hole.
36:10In...
36:10Whoa!
36:12If there was a black hole in the solar system, it would be in real trouble.
36:16It would be in real trouble, yes.
36:16Yeah.
36:17I don't know any other black things in the solar system.
36:19Well, that's the thing.
36:20The strange thing is it's the sun.
36:23Oh, I see.
36:23I see.
36:23A black body in cosmology is something that doesn't reflect, and the sun doesn't reflect anything.
36:28It only radiates.
36:29So it is far and away the blackest body in the solar system.
36:34Oh, that's cheating.
36:35It seems to be a little bit of a cheat question, but had you known the answer, it wouldn't have
36:39been a cheat, would it?
36:40So if you were to shine a light on the sun, which would be pointless, I accept that.
36:44Yes.
36:45It wouldn't reflect off it.
36:46In the solar system, there is no other body so unreflective.
36:50The moon, for example, is nothing but reflective.
36:52It gives off nothing but reflects all the light of it.
36:55Same as us.
36:55But the sun reflects nothing.
36:57How long does light from the centre of the sun take to reach the earth?
37:03Yes.
37:06Now, I know this.
37:08Good.
37:10Well, it might not be the centre, though.
37:11It sounds like a trick.
37:12But the light from the sun takes eight minutes.
37:20Oh, dear.
37:20Yeah.
37:21The thing is, it actually takes 100,000 years to get from the centre of the sun to the surface.
37:31To the surface of the sun.
37:33Eight minutes.
37:36But, he was actually right.
37:38From the surface of the sun to the earth takes eight minutes and 20 seconds.
37:41But I did.
37:41It takes eight minutes and 20 seconds.
37:43I added that qualifier in my answer.
37:44Yes, you did.
37:44You did, actually.
37:45And you were actually right.
37:46From the surface of the sun, it's eight minutes and 26 seconds.
37:48But the photons have a very busy time.
37:50They have an enormous amount of work to do right in the middle of this gigantic system.
37:55How many earths could you fit in the sun where you were able to do such a thing?
37:58Oh, boy.
37:58Four.
38:00Easily.
38:01Easily.
38:02Yes.
38:02You could.
38:05That's quite true.
38:07I can't deny that.
38:09Four hundred thousand.
38:09Maximum number.
38:10It's 1.3 million.
38:12Three million earths.
38:13It's responsible for 99.8% of the mass of the solar system is the sun.
38:19Really?
38:19Yeah.
38:19That's extraordinary.
38:20It is.
38:21There's a lot of it.
38:22What happens to alcohol when you bring it to the boil?
38:25Ah.
38:26Wow.
38:26You boil it off, don't you, Chef?
38:28Yes, you do.
38:29You waste it.
38:31Whoa.
38:32That's it.
38:32That's it.
38:34There's something to do with me.
38:36I didn't touch it.
38:37There's this idea that it all evaporates and so on.
38:40In fact, it takes a very long time to evaporate all the alcohol.
38:42Three hours, at least, before you get rid of it.
38:44And flambéing only gets rid of, you know, if you like a crepe-sousette or something,
38:49if you light the brandy in that manner, that only gets rid of a quarter of the alcohol, in fact.
38:53So the idea that you're burning it off, it's not particularly important unless you're drinking very, very carefully so that
38:59you know that you're exactly under the limit.
39:01Then you have a crepe-sousette and drive and are surprised by the fact that you're over the limit.
39:06We've all been there.
39:06We've all been a crepe-sousette.
39:07And the same goes to a Christmas pud, then.
39:09You put the brandy on it, give it to the kids and say,
39:11There won't be any alcohol, we burnt it.
39:13Exactly.
39:14That's right, there will be alcohol.
39:15If you just have a 20p piece in, it might choke them to death.
39:17So could you get done for eat-driving?
39:20Yes, if you had enough of it, yes, you could.
39:23Eat-driving is a heck of a thought.
39:27Interestingly, if you add alcohol to a recipe and you don't heat it at all, just leave it uncovered overnight,
39:32it will actually get rid of more alcohol than by flambéing it.
39:3530% of it will go, just by natural evaporation.
39:38So if you leave a glass of wine out at night, the alcohol will evaporate from the wine?
39:42Some of the alcohol will evaporate from the wine.
39:43Well, someone will come down and drink it.
39:46Well, 30% of it's gone.
39:50How much alcohol are they allowed to drink on U.S. Navy ships?
39:53A tot of rum.
39:54A tot of rum per man?
39:55No, all U.S. Navy ships have been dry since 1914.
39:58No alcohol at all.
40:00Well, the French riot police are having a riot over not being able to drink at lunchtime, aren't they?
40:05Oh, I see.
40:06Yeah, because they are being told they must drink nothing at all,
40:10but they've always been allowed to have just a beer or some wine at lunchtime,
40:14and he's not really drinking.
40:15It does not count.
40:16Yeah, it does not count.
40:18And they've always been allowed to do it, and they still do it,
40:20and now the government's saying,
40:21well, you don't think it's such a good idea that you should sit in your van drinking beer?
40:24Which is, there was a photograph taken of all these riot police.
40:30Where is the riot?
40:34Fantastic.
40:35Well, there you go.
40:35How many eyes does a no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider have?
40:44Yeah.
40:46Eight.
40:46Oh!
40:48Dang it!
40:51With none.
40:53Yes!
40:54It's after all a no-eyed...
40:56It's a no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider.
40:57Yes.
40:58But, all big-eyed wolf spiders do have eight eyes, except the no-eyed, big-eyed wolf spider spider.
41:05Which is a member of the...
41:06I feel genuinely really stupid, because you actually gave me the answer in the question.
41:10I did, really.
41:10The worst one to have got wrong in many respects.
41:13It was, really.
41:13But the reason is, it's a member of the same order of eight-eyed spiders,
41:16but it's evolved to live in a cave where there is no light, and so it has lost all its
41:21eyes.
41:21There it is.
41:21Rather grim-looking creature.
41:23These are in Kauai, in Hawaii.
41:24Kauai.
41:25Kauai.
41:25Yeah, Kauai.
41:26And they're getting very, very rare.
41:28But there you are.
41:29Little things have no eyes at all.
41:30They can walk in a straight line, though.
41:33And so, from the collisionous shadows of general ignorance,
41:36we emerge into the unforgiving light of the scores.
41:40And my goodness me, aren't they interesting.
41:42Well, tonight's indisputable Illuminatus, with three whole points, is Rich Hall!
41:49Oh!
41:53Burning brightly, in second place, with minus one, Jack D!
42:02Despite his stunning knowledge in so many areas, he did fall into a few of our little heffalump traps,
42:08so, in third place, guttering and sputtering a little, at minus nine, Chris Addison!
42:16But, passed forever into outer darkness, with minus 45, is Alan Davies!
42:23Whoa!
42:30That's all for this, frankly, brilliant edition of QI.
42:33It's light sight now, and goodnight from Chris Rich, Jack Allen and me.
42:36I leave you with this from Stephen Wright.
42:38Light travels faster than sound, and isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
42:45Goodnight.
42:46Goodnight, Tom.
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