- 8 hours ago
First broadcast 16th November 2007.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sean Lock
Phill Jupitus
Charlie Higson
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sean Lock
Phill Jupitus
Charlie Higson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to QI, which tonight is
00:06utterly devoted to England. Let's meet our green and pleasant panel. The gentleman and scholar, Sean Locke.
00:18The thoroughly decent chap, Charlie Higson. The hailed fellow well-met, Phil Jupitus. And somebody from Wales.
00:45It was, in fact, the Irish MP, Daniel O'Connell, who said, the Englishman has all the qualities of a
00:51poker, except its occasional warmth.
00:54Well, let's show him just how wrong he was with a display of toasty, heartwarming patriotism. Sean goes...
01:09Phil goes...
01:14Oh, I forgot this one. No.
01:20Charlie goes...
01:28And Alan goes...
01:30The English, the English, the English. I will be coming for all of this.
01:36Thank you. How do you do, Mr. Davis?
01:40Oh, fine, thanks.
01:41Oh!
01:45That's so pleasing.
01:47Yes, we've started a little bit of English manners there.
01:49I mean, of course, there are no rights or wrongs in these things, but it is considered very bad form
01:52to answer the question, how do you do?
01:55I should say, how do you do back?
01:56How do you do?
01:57Yeah, if you could stress that you would just go, how do you do?
02:00How do you do?
02:00Or a small bow.
02:01How do you do?
02:02How do you do?
02:04Oh, don't forget, by the way, we have, in our E-series, an elephant in the room bonus.
02:10Like that. Thank you. Exactly.
02:12If you spot an elephant in any question, you get a bonus, but beware, you could get a penalty if
02:17there is no elephant in the room.
02:19So, we've already had our first question, how do you do?
02:21To which the answer should be, how do you do?
02:23Or a small bow.
02:24So, that's ten points off to the foreigner.
02:26Now, let's see if you can all do better with our question two.
02:32Can you name a single lake in the English Lake District?
02:38There we are, straight in, top of the show, Windermere.
02:45That's only been long, 20 seconds.
02:46It's a tragic introduction to the world of our human.
02:49Well, how can Lake Windermere not be a lake in the Lake District?
02:52It isn't called Lake Windermere.
02:54Yes, it is. It's called Lake Windermere.
02:56Only by people who don't know what it really should be called.
02:59The Moon.
03:02Any other thoughts as to a lake in the Lake District?
03:07Coniston Water.
03:08Oh!
03:11Now, there, the clue is actually in the title Coniston Water.
03:16It's a water.
03:17There are waters, and there are mirrors, and there are tarns.
03:20But there is one lake.
03:22Try Lake Titicaca.
03:26Lake Titicaca.
03:28Does anyone know it?
03:30Anyone know it?
03:31Basinthwaite.
03:32Oh, very good.
03:33Now, audience, did you say Basinthwaite?
03:36I did.
03:36You get, I think, 10 points to the audience.
03:41Astounding.
03:44Astounding.
03:46Astounding.
03:46We're very impressed.
03:48Yeah.
03:51See, but you give them 10 points.
03:53Shared amongst them, that's like nought point, nought, nought, nought, nought, nought, nought, nought.
03:56That's like a Tesco club card point.
03:58It is.
03:59Yeah, it's true.
04:00That, Basinthwaite, and even that was once called Basin Water,
04:02and has only recently been called the lake.
04:04They're all mares, waters, you see.
04:06Windermere is just Windermere.
04:07Coniston Water, Horswater, Uldswater, Thirlmere.
04:11But there it is, Basinthwaite Lake.
04:12Weird.
04:14Crafty Cumbrian bastard.
04:18Well, there you are.
04:19Now, who was the first king of both England and Scotland?
04:23James I.
04:29Sir, sir.
04:32Is it?
04:33Canute, or something like that.
04:33It's a little later than Canute, but you're right, it's pre-William I.
04:36Yes.
04:37Oh dear me.
04:38That's not how the crown looks, by the way.
04:40Yes.
04:42Maybe when the Queen goes to a British Lions rugby match.
04:47He normally has a couple of Coke cans on his head.
04:51No, because actually James I was the first one to have what was called the triple crown of Scotland, Wales,
04:58England and Ireland, but not the first to have the double throne of Scotland and England, who was.
05:05And it was.
05:06Ethel, Ethel Gilbert.
05:07That kind of Athel in Athel.
05:08King Engelbert.
05:10King Engelbert Humbledink.
05:12Athelstan King, Athelstan, 937.
05:14His hand, it's got a hand like a Simpson.
05:16It's incredible we didn't know that.
05:19King Constantine II of Scotland submitted to him in 937, as did the kings of Cornwall, Wales and Northumbria, when
05:27he became the first king of all Britain, Athelstan.
05:30I would also have allowed Edward I, which is wrong but not as wrong as James I.
05:36So, what's this chap behind me trying to tell us?
05:40Did you see that on the right?
05:41He loops around again, so he's the fellow on the right there, that fellow, there he is.
05:47What's that about?
05:48He's saying, I've still got my fingers, so I can still fire arrows.
05:57Yeah, unfortunately that is completely untrue.
05:59It is particularly people who seem to re-enact battles, they say, oh, yes, as a matter of fact, the
06:03French is to cut off the fingers.
06:04And those English archers who still had their fingers would go like that, look, we've got our fingers there, you
06:09know.
06:09But it's nonsense.
06:11This rumour didn't arrive in the 1970s and there's no evidence whatsoever.
06:14I actually know what it means.
06:15Yeah?
06:16F*** off.
06:20There you are. That's pretty straightforward, isn't it?
06:22That was an easy answer, that one, I thought.
06:24Yeah, it was.
06:25I always like Andy Warhol's rabbit period.
06:30It's like Gilbert and George can't really be bothered, they're phoning it in this way.
06:37Some people think that this may be something to do with the cuckold, and the horns were the symbol of
06:41the cuckold.
06:42And people used to do that to show, you know, I'm shagging your wife.
06:45But maybe, maybe that meant the same thing.
06:48No one's entirely sure.
06:50One thing they're very sure is there's absolutely no evidence that there's anything to do with archers.
06:54Beguiling as that explanation is.
06:56So it's like you can go...
07:00What happened there?
07:01Charlie, I'm glad someone is.
07:03Did someone throw a face?
07:05What did he do?
07:07Come on.
07:09Turn up.
07:09He cuckolded me, Steven.
07:11I thought, if I tell him now, you see, he's going to have to pretend to be all jovial about
07:14it.
07:16Now, I'm going to offer points if you can tell me the connection between that sign and Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
07:24Yes?
07:25The end of the war.
07:26V for victory.
07:27And why is that Beethoven's Fifth?
07:29Bah, bah, bah, bah, Morse code.
07:31Exactly.
07:32The Morse code for the letter V for victory.
07:33Dot, dot, dot, dash.
07:35Absolutely.
07:35Points to Phil.
07:37Well done.
07:38There we go.
07:39Very good.
07:42We have enough more films.
07:43Very good indeed.
07:44Yes, the earliest known use of the V sign dates from 1901.
07:47Nothing to do with medieval archers, a theory that was first put about in 1970.
07:51Now, you're with a group of Eton boys.
07:53Somebody shouts, a bum gang.
07:57Right?
07:58What action should you take?
08:02Talk about 8 Meg of Spice on YouTube.
08:08Just to be ready.
08:09Yeah.
08:10Probably toast some muffins or something.
08:12Is that what you're doing?
08:13Toaster.
08:13Toaster's really serious stuff, Toaster.
08:17Really good toaster.
08:19Yeah, my family's bloody toaster.
08:21Really senior toaster.
08:25Toaster.
08:25It was all they have.
08:26You can't drink really.
08:27It's currency.
08:28Toaster.
08:28Toaster.
08:28So what about a bum gang?
08:31Well.
08:34I assume.
08:35Well.
08:36Um.
08:37How do you shout that?
08:39One of the boys would shout the bum gang?
08:418 and 5 or something.
08:42Sports.
08:42Sports involved.
08:43Well, it's, you see, we're nowhere near.
08:46That photograph is, I'm afraid, a heck of a distraction.
08:49We should be there.
08:50We should be there in the Highlands.
08:54Yes, Charlie.
08:55Is that Batonswake Lake?
08:59No, it's the Highlands of Cameroon.
09:02It's in Africa.
09:03Is that where the bum gang come from?
09:04They're the Eaton tribe.
09:06They're called the Eaton.
09:07I say.
09:07And a bum gang is actually a word in their language and it just means thank you.
09:13A bum gang.
09:15A beautiful woman is a m-m-m-minga.
09:19It turns out.
09:21Um.
09:22That's the Cameroon's Eaton tribe.
09:24They have other ethnic groups called the bum, the bang, the banana, the mang, the fang,
09:28the tang, the one, the wan, the war, and of course, the pongo.
09:30Who discovered this tribe?
09:32Benny Hill.
09:34I know it does rather speak to all our prejudices about these African languages.
09:40If someone would say a bum gang to you, you should say my pleasure or you're welcome,
09:44obviously.
09:45And a memorable night out might result in any language.
09:48So, fingers on buzzers, please, and stop me when you know what I'm talking about.
09:53Born in the Sudan, he moved to Cairo, to Paris, and then to London, where he became immensely
10:00popular when it was announced in 1882.
10:05There's an elephant in the room.
10:07Why is that?
10:09Whoever he is, he's an elephant.
10:13He's bright.
10:19Very good.
10:22Was he Jumbo?
10:24Was he Jumbo?
10:25He was Jumbo the elephant.
10:27Very good.
10:28Brilliant.
10:30Well done.
10:31He was the most famous animal in the world, and he gave his name to anything big.
10:36Jumbo jets are named after Jumbo the elephant.
10:37It was simply his name.
10:39He was such an enormous elephant.
10:41Look at the size of that elephant.
10:42That is an enormous...
10:43That's a big elephant.
10:44That is one big elephant.
10:45He's like the size of an elephant.
10:47He's what...
10:48Basically, he is.
10:50The London Zoo gave a rhino to Paris Zoo and got Jumbo in return because of a marvellous,
10:54marvellous bargain, because he became incredibly popular.
10:57But then, an American paid $10,000 for Jumbo to take him to America.
11:02Who would that American have been?
11:03P.T. Barnum, I should have known.
11:05Phineas T. Barnum.
11:06Who else?
11:06Yes, exactly.
11:07And then he died and he had him stuffed and people still paid to go and see him.
11:11You're absolutely right.
11:12There were riots in England, there were debates in Parliament, people threatened to kill Barnum,
11:16and even threatened to kill Jumbo, saying that Jumbo dead was better than Jumbo exported.
11:22This is a rather bizarre way of looking at it.
11:24That's a hell of a march to go on, isn't it?
11:26Jumbo.
11:27Kill Jumbo.
11:28Kill Jumbo.
11:29What do we want?
11:30Dead Jumbo.
11:33But as I say, $10,000 was a lot of money, but when Barnum got into America, in three days,
11:40he made $30,000 out of him.
11:42By the end, he'd made one and a half million in only three years from this.
11:45Jumbo mania was even bigger in America.
11:48They went crazy for this animal.
11:49They'd pay anything to see it.
11:51But as you say, it was actually in Ontario.
11:52He'd done his circus, which was called, what was the name of his circus?
11:56The greatest show on earth.
11:58Yeah, the greatest show on earth.
11:59And he had 29 elephants have been safely put into their freight cars, and he had two left.
12:04His smallest elephant, who was called Tom Thumb, and his biggest, obviously, Jumbo.
12:07And an unscheduled train came, and poor Jumbo got the full force.
12:13A hundred places his skull was broken in.
12:15It took 126 men to lift him off the track.
12:19He was cradled in the arms of his trainer, Mr. Scott.
12:22And he died.
12:24You don't want him!
12:27So, Barnum's got the little elephant.
12:29He's got the great big one.
12:29If he gets elephants of decreasing size, he can holler them out and have, like, Russian elephant bowls.
12:38But you're right also about the stuffing.
12:40A taxidermist in the team of six butchers then got to work on emptying poor Jumbo of his insides
12:45and stuffing him with whatever they stuffed them with.
12:48And he was moved to Tufts University, where he was the mascot for, until 1975, and he was destroyed in
12:52a fire.
12:53But there, and that's why we get Jumbo-sized things.
12:56That's why we use the word Jumbo to mean big.
12:58It's an elephant.
12:59So, apart from the Bible, what do you suppose was the most successful, the best-selling book, in all of
13:07England, in the 16th century?
13:10What about Juppitus?
13:11The Little Book of Syphilis.
13:20The Highway Code?
13:23Oh, no.
13:24The Highwayman Code.
13:25The Highwayman Code.
13:27The Highwayman Code.
13:28VG.
13:29It was a book of etiquette for school children, in fact, written by the great Dutch humanist Erasmus.
13:37Erasmus, it says on my card here, and I'm rather pleased to know this, he was a Dutch humanist and
13:42theologian, it says here,
13:43who'd be immensely influential in the Reformation, and is the second most famous alumnus of Queen's College, Cambridge, after...
13:49You.
13:50Yes!
13:51Oh, isn't that exciting?
13:55But...
13:57A, that's not true, they're just trying to be sweet, and I don't have a portrait of like that.
14:02So, what, this book was designed to teach children how to behave?
14:05Yes!
14:05Would you like to hear some of its pearls of wisdom?
14:07I'd love to, yeah.
14:08Do not be afraid of vomiting.
14:11It is not vomiting, but holding the vomit in your throat that is foul.
14:16No, what's foul is when you try and stop it.
14:19Oh!
14:20And it seeps through the fingers.
14:21No, it flies up right now.
14:23That's hard.
14:24If you're on a tube or something, and you wait to get to the station, and you just can't wait,
14:28and it's, oh, better to hold it in, and suddenly the pressure, it sprays.
14:31It sprays over everybody around you.
14:34Did he not put that in his book?
14:35He didn't.
14:36You should not offer your handkerchief to anyone unless it has been freshly washed.
14:41Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if...
14:48As if pearls and rubies might have fallen out of your head.
14:53Very good.
14:54Do not move back and forth on your chair.
14:56Doing so gives the impression of constantly breaking or trying to break wind.
15:03It does well.
15:04As much as doing that does.
15:06Yeah.
15:07Sideways.
15:07Oh, thank you.
15:09There we are not enough.
15:10It's all pretending.
15:11I did that in the exam once.
15:12Yeah.
15:12I farted, and someone thought I was cheating.
15:16I told off.
15:18I said, I wasn't looking, I was going, ahhh.
15:22Right.
15:23So, that's it.
15:24On civility and children, written in 1530 by Dutch philosopher Erasmus.
15:28As a guide to manners, it was a standard textbook for English school boys.
15:31Which brings us to my next question.
15:33And nutters.
15:34Where exactly is the best place in England to find nutters?
15:39Yay.
15:41On one of your documentaries.
15:44Thank you very much.
15:48Oh, ha, ha.
15:53True.
15:55Assuming nutter isn't someone with mental health problems, is it?
15:58No.
15:58Someone with no teeth.
16:00It's not very often you see younger people grooming older people, is it?
16:07Can I bring you to a team of geographers?
16:09The Centre for Advanced Spatial Analysis at University College London has analysed more
16:16than 500,000 surnames and has found that nutters are preponderantly found in Blackburn.
16:23That's where you'll find nutters.
16:25Where will you find pigs?
16:27Two G's, pigs.
16:29Norfolk.
16:30Newcastle, actually.
16:31Ooh.
16:32Dafts.
16:32There are quite a lot of dafts.
16:34In Midlands?
16:35Yes.
16:36Nottingham East Midlands, yeah.
16:37It counts in Midlands, isn't it?
16:39Had to be.
16:39Smellies.
16:40Suffolk.
16:41Glasgow, apparently.
16:42Glasgow.
16:43Smellies in Glasgow.
16:44Apparently.
16:45And in Huddersfield, you'll find bottoms.
16:48And in Taunton, willies.
16:51There they are.
16:52The surnames that have most dwindled over the last century are Hancock, not Hancock, but
16:56Hancock.
16:57Glasscock, Hickenbottom, Shufflebottom and Winterbottom.
17:00We had a Jimmy Glasscock at school.
17:03Did you?
17:03Yeah, you could always see when he was coming.
17:11Oh, yes.
17:13Quality.
17:15Oh, dear.
17:17Very good.
17:18I never thought I'd have a chance to do this.
17:20It must be.
17:22Yeah.
17:22You're right.
17:24Anyway, I want us to stay for just a little longer and pluck a few thorny English roses
17:30from the polytunnel of general ignorance.
17:33So fingers on buzzers, please.
17:35What will there be bluebirds over?
17:38Oh, he's in there, Charlie.
17:40I shouldn't have pressed it, should I?
17:43No.
17:43Because I'm going to say...
17:44Yeah.
17:45...Lake Windermere.
17:47Safe.
17:49Yes.
17:50White Cliffs of Dover.
17:51Oh!
17:53I knew I had to say it when Charlie wanted to say, and it had to be got out.
17:58It had to be resolved.
17:59No, why won't there be bluebirds ever over the...
18:02Because they're not native to Britain.
18:03Quite right.
18:04Where are they native to?
18:05Well, America, presumably.
18:06North America.
18:07It was written in America.
18:07It was written by Nat Burton, the lyricist of that song, who'd never been within 3,000
18:12miles of Dover.
18:13And he just thought, sounded good.
18:15And there'd been a spate of them.
18:17It was Over the Rainbow, had been written a little earlier.
18:19The song from The Wizard of Oz, which has bluebirds in it.
18:22And, of course, right up to Zippity-Doo-Dah, which has bluebirds in it.
18:24And then they gave up on the bluebird idea.
18:26Yes.
18:27But it was associated with happiness, for some reason.
18:29Bluebird of happiness.
18:30But they don't exist in Europe.
18:32And they're pretty, though.
18:33There he is.
18:33He's blue, you've got to give him that.
18:35Can't we bring some in?
18:36Let's just, er, spray up some Robins.
18:41No, they're messed with Robins, they're feisty.
18:43They are very feisty.
18:44Not with the spray gun in the beak.
18:48Because it just be, you just do the front.
18:50Psh, turn it round.
18:51Psh, do the back.
18:52Bluebird.
18:53Wallop.
18:54Do some pigeons.
18:55Oh, yeah.
18:58I'll die pigeons.
18:59They wouldn't mind as long as they had a sandwich.
19:03Now, how many times a year did Queen Elizabeth I of England have a bath?
19:09Never.
19:10No.
19:15Once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six times.
19:20That's right.
19:21That was your once.
19:22It was thought indecent to immerse oneself in water.
19:27Well, she, er, that is an actual photograph of her taking a bath.
19:32She, she actually was considered rather pernickety about her thing.
19:36She, she, four times a year at least, she bathed.
19:39As the old joke says it, even if she didn't need one, she didn't have one.
19:41I mean, medieval England, though, baths were much more popular than we suppose.
19:46They're bath houses in every town.
19:48But it was really the monks who didn't like it because they thought it led on to lewd behaviour.
19:52Well, in fact, they knew it led on to.
19:53Well, they knew it.
19:54Yeah.
19:55Exactly.
19:56So, which is the smallest county in England, please?
20:00Yes.
20:03Ratland.
20:03Oh!
20:06Doesn't exist anymore.
20:07Well, it does exist.
20:08It was reintroduced as a county in 1997, so it does exist.
20:11Yeah.
20:11And the awful thing is you're half right, but you're also half very, very wrong.
20:15Oh, tell me more.
20:17See, you can work it out.
20:18One, there is a county that is smaller than Rutland, but only for half the year.
20:23What?
20:25Oh!
20:26Oh, no, I'll think of the tide.
20:28That's every day.
20:28Yes, yes, that's every day, but half the day it's, and therefore if you chop it up into a year.
20:33Oh.
20:33But is, is it up there in the fence somewhere?
20:36No.
20:36Is it somewhere else on the coast?
20:38It's a proper county.
20:38People think it's Hampshire, but it's not Hampshire.
20:41Oh, Isle of Wight.
20:42Isle of Wight.
20:43Isle of Wight is its own county.
20:45And at high tide, it is smaller than Rutland, but at low tide, it's bigger.
20:51Wow.
20:51So there you have it.
20:52And we, at QI, almost discovered this.
20:55It's not a known fact, but they called up the Isle of Wight Council, and they discussed it, and they've
20:59confirmed that it is true.
21:00So you heard it here first.
21:01That's the sort of thing, once you've been told that once, it just stays there forever.
21:06Yes, like some awful piece of chewing gum stuck in the hair, isn't it?
21:10Now, who owns all the swans in England?
21:13The Queen.
21:14What did you say?
21:15I said the Queen.
21:18What a pity.
21:20No.
21:21No, no.
21:21The Queen's estate, the crown.
21:23No, the Queen owns all the mute swans.
21:27What?
21:27Mute swans, but they're none of the hoopers or Buick swans, which are other breeds of swan.
21:31And she only counts them in the tent.
21:34Is it a bishop of somewhere?
21:35No.
21:36It's all of us.
21:36They're not only bodies.
21:38The Queen owns the mute swans.
21:40No, they're free.
21:40They're free swans, aren't they?
21:41Exactly.
21:42They are free swans.
21:43Roman do as they will.
21:45Marvellous animals, aren't they?
21:46They have penises, like ducks.
21:49Which...
21:50What, the penis is in the shape of a duck?
21:55It would be a great joke of nature.
21:57Yes, yes.
21:58No, but they're...
21:58That's confusing for a duck, isn't it?
22:00Most birds don't have penises.
22:02That's why the swans look so smug.
22:04They've got the big duck-shaped penis under the water.
22:10Oh, yeah.
22:11And I can carry the kids on my back.
22:13What's the most common cause of death amongst the swan population?
22:17The Queen, is it?
22:18Not the Queen, though.
22:19She's just gagging for swan.
22:23Is it only a predator or an illness?
22:25No, it's electrocution.
22:27They're electrocuted rather.
22:28He's turned the telly over with a wet beak.
22:30Yeah.
22:31Possibly.
22:34You couldn't lie that, dear.
22:38But roast swan...
22:39Any swan...
22:40Swan can be legally eaten by...
22:42The Queen and Prince Philip only.
22:44The Royal Family, and...
22:45Gypsies.
22:46No, fellows...
22:48What's the point of being a gypsy if you can't eat swans?
22:52No, apparently swans can be eaten by members of the Royal Family and by fellows of St John's College, Cambridge,
22:57on June the 25th.
22:59That's my birthday!
23:00Is it?
23:01Can I have some?
23:01Is it really?
23:02I'd like a swan nugget.
23:05Don't eat the bit that looks like a duck.
23:06No.
23:08So you know these people, these Royal Stephen, do they say what it tastes like?
23:12Have you ever...
23:12Have you had a...
23:13You must have had a bit.
23:14It's not very pleasant.
23:15It's fishy.
23:16Fishy?
23:16The best swan is when, from a signet, they're fed oats, which is not a normal thing, and then they
23:21don't get that fishy, unpleasant flavour.
23:24It tastes like porridge.
23:26Well, possibly they'll do.
23:27The Queen have, like, cold swan in her fridge.
23:30She'll come in late at night and she'll be picking up swan carcass.
23:33She...
23:34She owns the fridge, she gets out, she loves the neck, that's her favourite bit.
23:40So, from fellows of St. John's Cambridge to Oxford, what is the Oxford history of England all about?
23:50Yes, England.
23:56You'd think it would be, with a title like that.
24:00France.
24:05France.
24:06Not France neither.
24:08Right, and this one, Abyssinia.
24:10Yeah, come on.
24:11Yes.
24:12They didn't predict that.
24:13They didn't predict that.
24:17The Oxford history of England.
24:20It's simply, when you say England, sometimes, accidentally, you might actually mean...
24:26England.
24:27Britain.
24:27No.
24:28But you might say, when you mean Britain, you say, oh, yeah, you know, the English are very good at
24:32blah, blah, blah.
24:32You have to be Britain, all those, you know.
24:34And the fact is, it was perfectly normal to say England for all of Britain, right up until the 1930s,
24:40when Scottish nationalism arose and they got rather offended by it.
24:43Benjamin Disraeli signed the Treaty of Berlin as the Prime Minister of England, and it meant Great Britain technically.
24:50The one part stood for the whole.
24:52So, the Oxford history of England is actually the history of the British Isles.
24:55I'm not saying it was right, but it's just as it was.
24:59There you are.
25:00As A.J.P. Taylor, the great historian, noticed, when the Oxford history was launched a generation ago, he said,
25:05England was still an all-embracing word.
25:07It meant indiscriminately England and Wales, Great Britain, United Kingdom, even the British Empire.
25:11This is not to say the term British wasn't used, it's just that England could mean the whole thing.
25:17So, where does the word England come from? Why are we called English? What is England about?
25:23Yes.
25:25Go on, go on.
25:26Well, one, you know, all right, the angles.
25:28Yes, quite correct.
25:31You'll see.
25:37Where did the Angles come from?
25:39Angles in America.
25:40Angles in America.
25:45They were kind of Germanic.
25:47Yeah, north, very north towards Denmark.
25:49Schleswig-Holstein is the area that's known as exactly.
25:52Well, it turns out that, actually, DNA on Britons and English people shows that, in fact, most of the indigenous
25:58Britons,
25:59who originally came from the Basque area, walked over when the channel, which is only 9,000 years old, probably...
26:05Oh, we have wolves and bears.
26:07Yes.
26:08All right, stop writing.
26:10That is the end of the English exam.
26:12It's time to post the results on the notice board, prior to coming and seeing me in my study.
26:19A bum gang!
26:20A bum gang!
26:30Our English master, this week, with minus 8 points, is Phil Jupitus.
26:41And hot on his behind, I probably could have put that better, he didn't start too well, but my God,
26:48he made up for it. On minus 15, Charlie Iggson. And on minus 29, just avoiding rustication,
27:00is Sean Locke. So we know he'll be adopting the position and awaiting my pleasure in the
27:09study. With minus 59 points. Of course, as can occasionally happen, due to their superior
27:33and extraordinary knowledge of the Lake District, the real winners with plus 10 are the audience.
27:46So that's it for this week from Charlie, Sean, Phil, Alan and myself. Jolly boating weather
27:52to you. And this last thought from the not at all English, Oscar Wilde. If England treats
27:57her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn't deserve to have any. Good night.
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