- 2 days ago
First broadcast 6th November 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jeremy Hardy
Jo Brand
Dave Gorman
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jeremy Hardy
Jo Brand
Dave Gorman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, and welcome to QI, the IQ test for the backward.
00:07Let's meet tonight's panel, who, like a properly made cauliflower milkshake, are thick, interesting and unusual.
00:14Alan Davis, Jeremy Hardy, Dave Gorman, Joe Brown.
00:22Now, each member of the panel has an attention-getting device.
00:27Dave goes, Jeremy goes, Joe goes, Alan goes, and I go after the show, if I can hold on that
00:41long.
00:42So this round is all about antelope, or antelopes.
00:46A is for antelope, and B is for bongo.
00:49Apart from the obvious, what is a bongo?
00:52Dave.
00:53I'm assuming that, apart from the obvious, assuming that the obvious is some kind of African antelope, then the less
01:00obvious answer would be that it's a percussive instrument.
01:03Well, now, we assumed that the obvious was a drum, but the answer is yes, it is indeed a type
01:11of African antelope.
01:12If you introduce the subject as, this round is all about antelopes.
01:17You're right.
01:18It's a spectacular African forest antelope with a caramel and white striped body, as you see them.
01:23Much prized by poachers.
01:25There are only a hundred reckon to be left on the planet.
01:28Can I just say, there's only a hundred people on the planet that understand the works of Jacques Derrida.
01:32So do you think they're all bongos?
01:35That is what philosophers call a false syllogism.
01:38Ah.
01:42This programme's gone beyond the other.
01:44Do you know?
01:46Who's Jacques Derrida, first of all?
01:50Well, you can explain Debbie Darf.
01:51He's a French philosopher, and I don't understand a f***ing word.
01:58What's a syllogism?
02:00I know, all men have bollocks.
02:05All men can talk, therefore all men talk bollocks.
02:09Yes.
02:16Antelope is very bad at plastering, isn't it?
02:19Look at that.
02:20He's not let the first coat set before the second coat.
02:25Is there such a thing as silly jism?
02:28Oh, dear.
02:30Well, like a cheap version of Play-Doh, you mean.
02:38There's a film called Jism that's just come out, and I was in work.
02:43I was going to say it's just come out, but it's okay.
02:47Can I just say something that's very strange, because there's some German chewing gum called spunk,
02:54and you'll just be careful you don't swallow it.
02:57But, in fact, I actually talked about that chewing gum on Clive James' show with you and Princess Diana.
03:08Do you remember?
03:10Seriously, that was a dream.
03:12It was.
03:17You've got to sort these out.
03:19Now I remember.
03:20I knew someone who worked somewhere, I didn't know someone, it's a lie.
03:24I knew someone who claimed to know someone who worked somewhere where the Queen visited,
03:27and you have to provide a lavatory only for the Queen.
03:32And it went in afterwards, and there was a pube on the seat, and you kept it in a matchbox.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:41Good. Well, let's go back to antelopes, about which this run supposedly is.
03:46You've got a big old bum like J-Lo, isn't it, the bongo?
03:49Yeah.
03:49Yes, the antelope bongo has a large bottom.
03:51Does J-Lo have a large bottom?
03:53Yeah.
03:55That's good the way that they've tattooed those marks on for the butcher, isn't it?
04:00LAUGHTER
04:05Everybody's really made a thing about Kylie Minogue's bottom,
04:08and it's just the fact that she has one that seems to be, so, makes her somehow more sexy,
04:12because I think it's just a bottom.
04:14I mean, if she didn't have one, she'd fall down the toilet.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19And her teeth are too big.
04:21If you look at Kylie's head, look at those, those teeth are proportionate
04:25to the teeth of a camel in the mouth of a toddler.
04:28LAUGHTER
04:28Her head must be really, really tiny, because otherwise,
04:32if her head's a normal size, those teeth must be eight or nine inches long.
04:37LAUGHTER
04:37Well, despite having such an ordinary bottom and such ugly teeth,
04:41she's not done badly for herself.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:44Now, for an extra two points, what was the name of the bongo player
04:47in Tyrannosaurus, later known as T-Rex?
04:50I would see Mark Boland perform when I was about 14 on Hastings Pier,
04:55and, um, what happened was girls would go up the front,
04:58and they would faint, be dragged out of the audience by the security,
05:02and laid on the stage, and as soon as they got on the stage,
05:05they would jump up and try and stick their tongue down his throat.
05:09That's a brilliant play.
05:09And I tried it, and they refused to lift me up.
05:13LAUGHTER
05:13Oh, no!
05:14LAUGHTER
05:16Where's the tree?
05:17Because I've been past the tree that he crashed into.
05:19Is it in Norfolk?
05:20Barms, isn't it?
05:21Yeah, Barms.
05:21Barms is common.
05:22People stand around playing guitars on a Saturday night,
05:25and it's all...it's beautiful.
05:26It's a little shrine, and they all stand around and sing.
05:28Young people.
05:29No bigger than your thumb.
05:30It is extraordinary.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32In Paris, in the...in the Palaszczuk Cemetery,
05:34the...Jim Morrison's grave is far and away the most visited,
05:37much more than Victor Hugo or Oscar Wilde or various others.
05:40Huge...
05:41Thatcher's grave is going to be a permanent urinal to all decent people, isn't it?
05:45LAUGHTER
05:45Well, that's the penalty.
05:47Don't you be, in fact, a dance floor?
05:50LAUGHTER
05:52Thatcher's grave is one of those arcade machines where the lights flash up.
05:55That's it.
05:59LAUGHTER
05:59But the bongo player in T-Rex...
06:02Hmm, no.
06:03No idea.
06:04Don't know.
06:04Well, I'll give you the answer, then.
06:05The bongo player was called Steve Peregrine Took,
06:09a Ladbrook Grove hippie named after a character in Lord of the Rings, apparently.
06:13Mark Boleum was actually rather devoted and obsessed with Lord of the Rings,
06:17but he was dyslexic, so he never read it.
06:19That's right.
06:20How can I be obsessed by a book and never read it?
06:22Well, because his wife-to-be read it to him.
06:25Perhaps he couldn't read it because he was off his nut.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:29Read us a bit, the book.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:32LAUGHTER
06:32Well, considering you owe him your hairstyle, Alan,
06:35I think you should...
06:37LAUGHTER
06:38APPLAUSE
06:40There we are.
06:41Now, so, what is the curious South African pastime known as Bokdrol spook,
06:48in which antelopes play an indispensable role?
06:51The only interesting South African pastime I can think of is leaving the country when it becomes a democracy.
06:58You know, all the pub landlords in the West End that used to be Irish,
07:01there'd be a bit of leeway about time,
07:02but if it's a bit, yeah, come on, no, it's only half-eleven, half-eleven up again in a minute.
07:06And now, they are quite South Africans,
07:09and at the stroke of eleven, it's ding, and there's buckshot, tear gas,
07:13the land grovers come out of the kitchen.
07:15Come along there, please, haven't you got no townships to go to?
07:19LAUGHTER
07:20LAUGHTER
07:21Well, I'll give you the answer, because Bokdrol is actually Kudu dung.
07:26Kudu is a type of antelope, and Bokdrol spook is Kudu dung spitting.
07:32Oh, shit.
07:34Yeah.
07:35It involves, yeah, it involves who can spit the poo the furthest.
07:39Is it little pelleting ground?
07:40It's pellets, it's pellets, it's pellets, but it's pellets of poo,
07:43there's no getting away from it, and this is...
07:45LAUGHTER
07:46Maybe it doesn't taste too repellent, maybe it's just all grass matter.
07:49An old lady gave me a Kit-Kat recently,
07:52and it tasted exactly like old ladies' cupboards.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59And it's... exactly.
08:00And I looked on the sale-by date, and it was 1998.
08:04LAUGHTER
08:05Are you using the phrase old ladies' cupboards in any kind of euphemistic?
08:11LAUGHTER
08:11LAUGHTER
08:12LAUGHTER
08:14The old ladies' cupboards under the stairs.
08:21It's time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope, as they say in Texas,
08:26which means, um, shut up and do as you're told.
08:28Essentially, it's time to move on out to another round.
08:32APPLAUSE
08:36Now, before they were famous, both Clive James and Sylvester Stallone
08:40cleaned out lion cages for a living,
08:42and before he discovered Uranus from his terraced house in Bath,
08:46the astronomer William Herschel was an oboe player in the Hanoverian army.
08:50And before unifying Italy, Giuseppe Garibaldi was a spaghetti salesman in Uruguay.
08:57So, what sort of career advice would you, gentlemen and ladies,
09:01give a short, left-handed, epileptic, Albanian bisexual
09:05with a very high-pitched voice?
09:08BELL RINGS
09:09Ring the Arts Council for a grant straightaway.
09:12LAUGHTER
09:14LAUGHTER
09:14Giuseppe, is that... is Italian for Jesus?
09:17No, it's Joseph.
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21LAUGHTER
09:21Why do you want to know?
09:23Why, yes.
09:23Are you thinking of having an Italian son?
09:27LAUGHTER
09:27Can you do that?
09:28Yes, of course.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30The internet's brilliant.
09:32LAUGHTER
09:32The question was, here's Albanian, short, epileptic, high-pitched voice...
09:38..bisexual and left-handed.
09:40You can't have invented all those characteristics.
09:42No.
09:42Some must have them.
09:43Yeah.
09:43Wasn't John Belushi Albanian?
09:46Of Albanian stock, certainly.
09:48Yeah.
09:48But Albania, as you know from the news currently,
09:50its borders are under-questioned from various different neighbours and...
09:55Macedonia.
09:55Macedonia. Now, who are the famous Macedonians?
09:57Is it Celine Dion?
09:58And Philip's son?
10:00LAUGHTER
10:01It's not Celine Dion.
10:03LAUGHTER
10:04So this epileptic, left-handed, short...
10:07..is a Macedonian?
10:08He was.
10:09His father was Philip of Macedon.
10:12Is he a singer?
10:13Oh, no.
10:15LAUGHTER
10:16LAUGHTER
10:17Somebody extremely great had these qualities.
10:21Oh, Alexander the Great.
10:21Alexander the Great, thank you.
10:25You know Eric Bristow, the darts player?
10:27Eric the Great, yes.
10:28The commentator, his name, I can't remember.
10:30Sid Waddell.
10:31Sid Waddell, yeah.
10:32He said, when Eric Bristow won the world championship,
10:34he said, Alexander the Great conquered the world when he was 33.
10:38Eric Bristow is only 23.
10:43Rather disturbingly, Sid Waddell went to Cambridge.
10:45Didn't know that.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:47Perhaps the children's footballing drama, Joss's Giants.
10:50Ten points to Dave Gorman for knowing how to play, written by Sid Waddell.
10:54If I was a left-handed midget bisexual, I would be saying to people, call me the Great.
10:58LAUGHTER
10:59People always make up their own nickname.
11:01Because the company's got a name like Sebastian, they'll say,
11:04my name's Sebastian, but everyone calls me Big Knob or Knuckles or something.
11:10We move in very different circles.
11:11No, but we're making up.
11:13We're making up.
11:15I'm sorry to drag this all the way down to classical civilisation, but there we are.
11:19We just ought to talk a little about Alexander.
11:21He's worth it.
11:22According to one book, that God knows what kind of book he was,
11:25he was the 33rd most influential human being who ever lived.
11:28I don't know what sort of art...
11:29Is that him there?
11:29...would write a book there.
11:30That's a representation.
11:31Oh, so he was great because there were four of him.
11:34No, he was just in an early boy band.
11:38And he could do that trick where he puts his eyeballs down and goes,
11:41you just see the eyewights.
11:44What did Alexander the Great do with the banana and the ring-necked parakeet?
11:48Parties, oh yeah, yeah.
11:50Was he like...
11:51I thought it was a hell of a night.
11:55Those people that go into casualty and say,
11:57I was just hoovering and I slipped and it went...
12:02It went like...
12:03I got the paratine to get it out.
12:07Well, no, the answer is actually that Alexander the Great introduced them to Europe.
12:12Yes, he brought along the banana, the ring-necked parakeet, sugar, cotton and crucifixion.
12:17All of these useful commodities or practices came from India,
12:21in fact, apart from crucifixion, which was invented by the Persians.
12:25Persians in Iraq now, isn't it?
12:26No, it's Iran.
12:28Oh, you're like George Bush, aren't you?
12:34Now, back to Alexander.
12:35What was his hair regime and which part of him was dipped in honey?
12:41Henna.
12:42Lemon juice.
12:42Like henna, because, of course, redheads are very common, that part of the world.
12:45Ho-ho-ba!
12:47Not so...
12:48I can promote the month after September!
12:53Very good.
12:54Very good.
12:55Very good, Billy Connolly.
12:57No, well, the answer is actually he washed his hair in saffron.
13:01Saffron, I was trying to think of stuff.
13:02To keep it illustrious and shiny orange.
13:03Quite right.
13:04Saffron.
13:04Which was a seriously upmarket type of shampoo.
13:07Because, at the time, saffron was as rare as diamonds and more expensive than gold.
13:11And all of him was dipped in honey is the answer.
13:13When he died, he was embalmed in honey.
13:15Roughly, how many crocuses does it take to make a kilo of saffron?
13:19A million.
13:20Well, it takes about 1,400 poppies to make a kilo of good heroin.
13:25Right.
13:27The good skag.
13:28So, I'm guessing you're probably about the same amount.
13:30What's it, 1,400?
13:31Yes.
13:31Well, you've got to sort out all the white and purple ones, haven't you?
13:34Otherwise, your saffron would be a kind of icky, kind of beige colour.
13:39Yes, possibly that's true.
13:41No, I'll give you the answer as to how much saffron it takes.
13:44I mean, it's around 85,000 and 140,000 crocuses go to make a kilo.
13:49So, not as many as a million.
13:51Even today, top-grade Spanish mancha saffron retails at 8,250 pounds a kilo.
13:57For three years in his teens, Alexander was taught by Aristotle, a famous Greek philosopher.
14:02Aristotle was not only considered great in his lifetime, of course, but for some 2,000 years after his death,
14:06virtually all of European science was based on the teachings of Aristotle.
14:10So, what did Aristotle teach about flies that is absurd and wrong?
14:14That they caused the First World War by assassinating Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
14:20But, in fact, it was a Serbian group called the Black Hand Gang.
14:24Right.
14:24No, Aristotle never made such claims.
14:27No, it's just quite interesting.
14:29Such was his influence on the world for thousands of years.
14:33He claimed that flies had four legs.
14:35He was so trusted that nobody bothered to count.
14:38It's quite literally true.
14:39He did have some strange...
14:40He thought snot was brain matter.
14:43Might be right.
14:44Yeah, because the brain is sort of grey and squashy.
14:47He thought if you blew your nose, that that was your brain matter coming out of your nose.
14:51There are 200 different types of common cold, and they are all spread by sneezing and coughing
14:57and things like that coming out of your nose.
14:59You don't get them by standing in the rain.
15:03But, it is true that if your nose is cold, those germs that cause the common cold prefer cold temperatures
15:10and multiply and are more likely to take hold and give you disease.
15:12So, if you keep your nose warm, you'll be all right.
15:1810 points to Dr. Davis for being interesting.
15:22Very good.
15:22Thank you for that.
15:23What's going on this morning with all this knowledge?
15:26I like Fern.
15:27Fern?
15:28I like Fern as well.
15:30Very nice one.
15:30What's Fern got to do with it?
15:31Fern's on.
15:32Oh, it's a person.
15:33It's a person.
15:37So, Fern is a plant that presents a programme.
15:42This is my show, and I'm, for all my oddity, I'm more interested in what Aristotle thought
15:47about flies than some fatuous bint who presents morning television.
15:51Water or not.
15:53She was felt up by some Irish, that sort of thing.
15:56That's just me, and I'm odd, but there you are.
16:00So, Aristotle, of course, is connected to Alexander the Great how?
16:05Umbilically.
16:06No.
16:08Same sculptor.
16:09Went to the same sculptor.
16:14Oh, my, Barbara.
16:16For their driving licences.
16:17They're going to get sculpted.
16:18Sitting in front of the mirror like that, and there's a bloke next to you with a bit of
16:20stone.
16:21We're going to holiday this year.
16:24I don't do the eyes, I'm afraid.
16:27No.
16:28The fellow who does the eyes has gone away.
16:30Yeah.
16:31No, he taught him.
16:33He was his teacher.
16:34All right.
16:35Who cares.
16:35Let's go on.
16:37That's the end of that round.
16:44Right.
16:44From Aristotle to oracles.
16:47Anyone know what an oracle is?
16:48A-U-R-I-C-L-E.
16:51It's the ear, or an ear-like thing.
16:54Dove, Dove Goblin is obviously right.
16:56It's the, the, it's a nice name for the ear, or earlobe.
16:58Oh, dear.
16:59There's an unfortunate person.
17:01Yeah.
17:01Oi, son.
17:02Horrors.
17:04You live in Norfolk, don't you, Stephen?
17:06You must see that sort of thing all the time.
17:12No, this round is, in fact, all about these.
17:14It's all about oracles, all about ears.
17:15Here's a quite interesting cutting from the independent detectives.
17:19Uh, called to a disturbance outside a pub in Southampton
17:22and found a severed ear, which they packed in ice
17:25and put in a police station fridge.
17:27When the ear's 23-year-old owner rang them the next day,
17:31he was told it was too late.
17:32The ear had gone off.
17:34But he didn't hear him, because he was going, sorry.
17:38I haven't got my ear.
17:39Detective Inspector Ray Burt said,
17:42Unfortunately, it had been in there too long.
17:44It was next to an egg roll that had gone off as well.
17:47There was nothing we could do.
17:50So, Arthur Van Gogh, or Van Gogh as the Dutch call him,
17:54cut off his own earlobe.
17:55What did he do with it?
17:56He posted it to the lover who had spurned him.
17:59Yes, that's very close.
18:00He put it in an envelope.
18:02I think he actually delivered it personally rather than posting it.
18:04He put it in an envelope and took it to a prostitute,
18:07to the brothel, and gave it to this particular girl.
18:10Now, look, you've made me do.
18:13He actually didn't sever the whole ear off.
18:15He kind of sort of sliced it kind of half, rather unpleasant.
18:18Died of pauper, didn't he?
18:19He committed suicide of pauper, yes.
18:21Well, he shot himself and died of his wounds, yes.
18:23He was not a happy bunny, that's fair.
18:25And the reason he cut his ear, he had a violent...
18:28Well, it was a bit more than that.
18:29I mean, he was, like, seriously mentally ill,
18:31rather than not a happy bunny.
18:34Well...
18:36Oh, why did you want to put it that way?
18:38Because you have to dress it up in your scientific way.
18:41As an ex-psychiatric nurse,
18:43I feel I have to distinguish between the two.
18:46Isn't that as a psychiatric nurse you used to talk to your patients?
18:48Not a happy bunny syndrome.
18:51Trying to commit suicide, oh dear, not a happy bunny.
18:54Oh, fair enough, good.
18:56I do like his beard.
18:58It's good.
18:59It's a fine beard, isn't it?
19:01Actually, isn't that incredible?
19:04Dave Gorman.
19:06The doctor, happy bunny.
19:12Well, well, well.
19:14The reason he cut his ear off was a violent argument with Gauguin,
19:18the artist who'd been staying with him for months.
19:21But two days after the ear instance,
19:23he left without saying goodbye.
19:26Now, butterflies have ears on their wings.
19:28The ears of grasshoppers and cicadas are on their abdomens.
19:32Crickets' ears are on their forelegs.
19:34Where are a snake's ears?
19:37I presume it hasn't got any.
19:39Oh, very good.
19:40Five to you.
19:40They must be able to hear, because the whole fall of Eve,
19:44the servant says, Eve.
19:45And she says, bugger me, a talking snake.
19:48And I do a little puppet to make it more interesting.
19:51She says, Eve, hath not the law.
19:54And she says, hath?
19:55What do you mean hath?
19:56And he says, don't take the piss.
19:57It's not my fault of the servant.
20:00Before we get all the way up to Revelations and the end of the book.
20:06Keith Harris and Ristie the snake, ladies and gentlemen.
20:10Snakes don't have ears.
20:11Maybe they can lip-read.
20:12They don't have wings.
20:13And they don't, of course, have legs.
20:14Now, how would you go about washing the ears of an okapi?
20:18With good cheer.
20:22And it would be a happy okapi.
20:24Who's an okapi?
20:25Just take it to the garage would be best, wouldn't it?
20:28Rather than messing around with q-tips and all that.
20:31Just pay the four quid.
20:32It's got to be worth it.
20:33With a hot wax.
20:35The okapi can wash his own ears, so you don't need to do it for him.
20:37His tongue can go all the way round into his ears,
20:39and right inside, give him a good old clean-out.
20:42There you are.
20:43Enormously long and versatile tongue.
20:45So, thank you very much for that.
20:46Now, what were the enormous ear-like growths that Galileo discovered in 1672?
20:52Did he find the one himself?
20:54No, he found the long, long, long, long way away.
20:57Asteroids.
20:58Not quite.
20:59Planets.
21:00Connected there too.
21:02Debris.
21:02Yes, you could say debris, 380 foot wide, but thousands of miles long.
21:06Asteroids.
21:07Very, very thin, but huge, hundreds of thousands of miles that way.
21:11The rings on Saturn.
21:12Cosmic String.
21:12He discovered the rings on Saturn.
21:14The rings on Saturn.
21:14And he spotted them on his new invention, the telescope.
21:17And he thinks they look like ears.
21:19Yeah, well, look at them.
21:19There they are.
21:21Not unlike ears.
21:22The first telescope ever invented, and you see something,
21:25you don't see it that clearly with those colours.
21:28It's just that sort of roundy shape with the kind of internal worlds.
21:31Haven't you thought they were ear-like?
21:32I don't think he's that stupid, is he?
21:36Yeah.
21:36All right.
21:37Sorry, Galileo, you don't match up.
21:38You may have discovered more about the universe than we could ever know.
21:40Go to the telescope.
21:41No.
21:41No, not good enough for our panel.
21:43Go to the telescope.
21:44We'll be able to tell much better arse jokes than you ever would.
21:50We owe our civilisation to men like Galileo, and I won't have him mocked.
21:54Galileo was the first man ever to see the rings of Saturn.
21:57He couldn't understand what they were.
21:58And who can blame him?
21:59They are extraordinary looking items, 172,000 miles wide, but only 328 feet thick.
22:05But more topical ear news now from the London Times.
22:09John Bennett, aged 36, a Londoner, was today ordered to seek treatment at a psychiatric hospital
22:14after biting off the ear of a Danish labour exchange official.
22:18The court was told that when the official recovered consciousness after the attack,
22:22he found his ear on a desk with a note that read,
22:25you're here.
22:32And we come now to our exciting final buzzer round,
22:37and to remind you that if there is any answer you give that is deemed to have been obvious
22:41and predictable, you will be forfeited 10 points.
22:44Who was the first king of England?
22:49Alfred.
22:49Oh, oh, dear, oh, dear.
22:52How extraordinary.
22:54Alfred the Great.
22:55You lose 10.
22:56I'm sorry about that.
22:57No, the first king of England was...
23:01Ethelred.
23:02Not quite Ethelred.
23:04The first few, kind of, first right couple of syllables, he was...
23:06Ethelbert.
23:08No.
23:09Ethel Merman.
23:10No, Ethel Merman.
23:12It was, in fact, Ethelstan.
23:16924 to 939.
23:1815-year reign.
23:19He was the grandson of Alfred the Great.
23:21Alfred the Great was only king of Wessex.
23:23Ah.
23:24Now, according to Aristotle, how do hedgehogs make love?
23:28Yes.
23:29Carefully.
23:30Oh!
23:33Oh!
23:34Oh!
23:36Oh!
23:37Oh!
23:39I'll tell you what happens.
23:40It's quite interesting.
23:40Get a bit of his face, put some music on.
23:42Yeah.
23:42No.
23:44I'll give you the answer.
23:45Here it is.
23:47They do it face to face, with the female lying on her back.
23:52That's disgusting!
23:53Well, that's how...
23:56That's how Aristotle thought they made love.
23:59He was actually wrong.
24:00It's not true.
24:01They do it in the normal way, but the female lays her plume, her quills very flat, indeed.
24:07And so flat that they don't become in any way prickly.
24:10And he gets on...
24:11He has to bite into her neck, though, because they become slippery.
24:13He could slip off, because of the way they're aligned.
24:15And he bites the back of her neck in order to get purchase on her.
24:18Yeah.
24:19And does the deed, and then he's on.
24:20They do that.
24:21Do they?
24:22Yeah.
24:22They hang on.
24:23They hang on to the back of the lady duck's neck.
24:26Lady duck?
24:27Yeah, sweet.
24:29And oddly enough, they have slight pricks on the penises, the male.
24:32They have a slight...
24:33A barb.
24:34A slight barb, so that they...
24:35Yeah.
24:36They can catch fish as well.
24:40What is the most dangerous animal in the history of the world?
24:43Yes.
24:44Sloth driving a petrol tanker.
24:48Very good.
24:49Very good.
24:50Listening to Radio 2.
24:51I'll give you 10 for that.
24:52No.
24:52Human beings.
24:54Human beings, you might argue, is true.
24:56Lions.
24:57Not lions.
24:58Japanese fighting tortoise.
25:01No.
25:02No.
25:02If I tell you, this animal is responsible for the death of probably half human beings who've
25:06ever lived.
25:06Mosquito.
25:08Goldfish.
25:10So close.
25:10Alan was in fact right.
25:11It is the mosquito.
25:13Half human beings who've ever lived, I reckon, have been killed by a mosquito.
25:173,000 people die of malaria every day.
25:19That's 45 billion human beings in our history.
25:22But then, it depends what you mean by people, how far you go back in our evolutionary history.
25:26Well, you know.
25:27Homo erectus.
25:28Right.
25:29Glad to hear about that.
25:32Could you introduce us?
25:34No.
25:36Stop it.
25:38It is arguable that, of course, the most dangerous animal in the world now is the common housefly,
25:42which is also responsible.
25:43That common housefly.
25:45Yes.
25:46The common housefly.
25:46Drops his eight shoes.
25:48Beaks washing up the day.
25:51Who are the lords of shouting?
25:53Yes.
25:53We are!
25:56There you go.
25:57There you go.
25:58I like that.
25:59You can have five each of that.
26:01No, the answer, extraordinary, is that they are angels, unlike you.
26:05According to the Jewish mysticism, 10,500,000 of them sing to God at dawn every single morning,
26:12led by the angel Jedithon, the master of howling.
26:16And who cut off Samson's hair in the Bible?
26:20Yes.
26:20Mickey Clark.
26:22No.
26:23Anybody any thoughts on that?
26:25Delilah.
26:26Oh!
26:27We've done it again.
26:27We've done it again.
26:28We've done it again.
26:31No.
26:32No.
26:32No, she didn't.
26:33Not in the Bible.
26:33There's actually, I know about this, because it's an old American con trick.
26:39You get a couple of American con artists.
26:42One would go to a bar, and he would get drunk, or appear to get very drunk, and be rather
26:48obnoxious.
26:48And then his partner would come in.
26:50And across the bar, they would just start having this discussion.
26:53And the more sober one would say something about having it out of his hair cut.
26:56So I feel like, you know, I feel like Samson having his hair cut off by Delilah.
26:59And the drunk one would say, what do you mean Delilah?
27:03Well, in the Bible, you know, Delilah cuts off Samson's hair.
27:05So it doesn't say Delilah cut off Samson's hair.
27:09He says, I bet you $10,000 and doesn't say it.
27:13And everyone's so pissed off by this extremely annoying drunk that they join in the bet.
27:16And in the Bible, it reveals that Delilah calls for a servant to cut off.
27:20Oh, is that a trick question?
27:21Samson's hair.
27:22It is a ridiculous trick question.
27:23Is he played by Mel Gibson?
27:26And Victor Mature.
27:29It's time now, ladies and gentlemen, for that exciting moment where I announce the final scores.
27:34In fourth place, I'm afraid, is Alan with 10.
27:39Second equaled Jeremy and Joe with 15.
27:41But our winner tonight is Dave Gorman with 20 pot.
27:48Well, that about wraps it up.
27:50The QI Daniel made for me to thank Joe, Alan, Dave and Jeremy.
27:53And to pose one last pertinent and quite interesting question.
27:56And it is this.
27:58What's long and pink and hard in the morning?
28:00Answer, the Financial Times crossword.
28:03Good night.
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