- 6 weeks ago
First broadcast 24th November 2006.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Phill Jupitus
Graeme Garden
Johnny Vaughan
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Phill Jupitus
Graeme Garden
Johnny Vaughan
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to QI.
00:08Tonight's show is all about divination, the ancient art of seeing into the future.
00:13Well, as you already know, therefore, I am joined tonight by four people I have a strange feeling that I've
00:19met before.
00:20Phil Jupiters!
00:24Graham Garden!
00:27Johnny Vaughan!
00:30And Alan Davies!
00:37Well, tonight each of you is equipped with a device to help you see into the future and predict your
00:44own score.
00:45The closest match to your own score, and I'll be asking you at the end if you can predict your
00:48own score, will win 666 bonus points.
00:54So, Johnny, you are a coskinoment.
00:58That's exactly what I am.
00:59And coskinomensis, we sieve through things, and whatever is like soil, and what is ever left in the sieve is
01:07the future.
01:08Well, anyway, tonight I'm going to use it to divine my score.
01:10Fantastic, very good.
01:11And, Graham, what do you have with which to divine the future?
01:14You are, I believe, a tyroment.
01:15I have, yeah, a tyroment.
01:17I've got the baby cheeses.
01:18Oh!
01:19A tyroment can tell the future by examining cheese.
01:24So, bubidus, um, a tassiomency.
01:26I believe, yes.
01:28Tea?
01:29Yeah, yeah.
01:30Well, you don't know, you can tell the future through tea bags.
01:32I think these are proprietary brand of, I don't know if you can see that there.
01:40Well, Alan has the gift of pygomancy, which I believe is the gift of divination by arses.
01:48Do you have an arse with you tonight?
01:49I do, but I am using it.
01:52You've got a spare arse, Boney Johnston.
01:54I have been provided with an arse for divination purposes, although I thought it was bosoms.
02:01I thought it was the Cholton Brothers.
02:07Well, don't.
02:08It's like catnip to his kind.
02:14Yes, I can see into the future.
02:16Oh!
02:19Right, let's hear your bewitching noises.
02:21Johnny Vaughan will be going...
02:26Graham, garden goes...
02:28Is there anybody there, dear?
02:34Phil goes...
02:36Ah, I have to do it Tabitha style.
02:40Excellent.
02:41And Alan goes...
03:02Where have you gone, Alan?
03:04Do not concern yourself, I have gone to another place.
03:08You've gone to the Elysian Fields, perhaps.
03:10Er, it's more Highbury Fields.
03:14What?
03:15Well, you did say divination by arsenal.
03:17Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
03:20Did anyone come here tonight mainly to see Alan?
03:22Oh, everybody.
03:24Oi.
03:25Can I say very unlucky?
03:27Can you get us for the whole night?
03:29Yeah!
03:32I like it.
03:34The show's going to go on.
03:36It will, somehow.
03:37They only got me tonight, so the whole thing weighs out the same.
03:40Oh, ha ha ha ha!
03:42Right, let's get on.
03:43One of the oldest mansies of them all is Oneromancy, which is divination by dream.
03:49Graham, have you had a recent dream?
03:51Er, yeah.
03:52I was making love to a beautiful woman.
03:55Really?
03:55Yes.
03:55Well, I have here, all these facts from dream interpreters, Oneromancers, it's either your inner self letting you know that
04:04you need to get in touch with your feminine side, the woman is actually you in such dreams, you're actually,
04:09you're making love to yourself, or that part of yourself in your gruff, male, multitasking sort of way, er, have
04:17been ignoring, all right?
04:19I wish you'd said.
04:20Well, you must have been saying.
04:22Or, the second interpretation is that you haven't been getting much lately and you desperately need to shag.
04:28Well, there is a third one.
04:30All right.
04:30The woman is actually your mother.
04:33You know, you feel guilty, but frankly, it feels good as well, so face it, Graham, you're gay.
04:40Dreaming about making love to a woman is a sure sign of being gay.
04:44Really?
04:45Well, I'm glad you've straightened that out.
04:48Johnny, what was your dream, please?
04:50In my dream, I was dreaming, and I was worried because I was unable to move in my dream, and
04:55I knew it was a dream inside the dream.
04:57So in the dream, they got someone to help me, who would give me advice on how to run better
05:01in my dreams, within the dream.
05:04Oh, wow.
05:06Wow.
05:06No, this is, no, no, no, no, no, this is.
05:07No, you had a dream coach within your own dream.
05:10Within my own dream.
05:11This is surprisingly common.
05:12Is it?
05:13Yes.
05:13It's anxiety over the state of your life.
05:15Your subconscious is telling you that you need to address your fear.
05:18You can't move because you're blocked, trapped, depressed, unable to fulfill your deepest dreams.
05:23You're dreaming about yourself as a comedian and entertainer.
05:25Your dream is saying, Johnny, don't take yourself so seriously.
05:28I wish I did.
05:29You're also consulting an authority figure in the dream, an expert, a priest, a nearer mentor.
05:34In effect, you're asking your lost father for help.
05:38You're gay.
05:41When shall I tell my dad to not?
05:43Yeah, in bed.
05:44So there you are.
05:47Phil, please, can we have a cleansing sorbet?
05:50I can never remember the damn things, but up until sort of my teen years, I used to dream I
05:54was being chased around an empty football stadium by a giant monkey.
06:01And then he'd stop chasing me, and we'd sit down, and we'd just sit down and watch the game.
06:05In an empty stadium.
06:07I've got to think about it, Phil, but it represents your goals, really, obviously, I suppose, your aspirations.
06:12But before the game can begin, before you can start to fulfill your dreams...
06:15I must quite own the inner monkey?
06:17No, you alone, because the stadium's empty, that's the point.
06:20You alone have to confront the thing you fear most, which is the big monkey.
06:24And what is the big monkey?
06:25You're running from your adult self.
06:27Large, hairy, lust-filled.
06:29Yes, yes.
06:30You're gay.
06:31I'm gay.
06:33That's what it is.
06:34It's so obvious, though.
06:40So, there are lots of ways of interpreting the future, interpreting the present, and there are lots of menses.
06:46So, we here tonight, Stephen, could very well be said to be your menses boys.
06:50You are my menses boys.
06:52What do you think a margaritomancy is?
06:55Margaritomancy?
06:55Yes.
06:56Um, someone who reads from oysters.
06:59Oysters.
06:59Oh, that's quite intelligent, because you're thinking that margarita is the Greek for pearl.
07:05It is just when it reads pearls, yes.
07:08Spatulomancy?
07:10Blade or spade, isn't it?
07:11A blade, you see, you adopt your mind.
07:13It's shoulder blades of sheep, in fact.
07:15But, uh, it's shoulder blades.
07:20Auspices, which is a word we use a lot, the auspices are good, technically is reading the flight patterns of
07:24birds.
07:25We read the auspices in all kinds of other ways, but essentially it's what humans do, don't we?
07:29Yes.
07:29We see patterns in things anywhere, and we'll try and read something into it.
07:32Like the weather forecast.
07:33The weather forecast.
07:34Wrong.
07:34Always wrong.
07:35We might just as well be reading the entrails of kid goats and things like that.
07:39I think I would have watched Bill Jarls a lot more, had he cut open a goat and go,
07:45Well, it's going to be wet in Biddeford tomorrow.
07:50What would hippomancy mean?
07:52Can he body there?
07:57Divining by the use of a circus.
07:59Or possibly just horses.
08:01Horses, indeed.
08:02Hippomancy, in fact, with the picture, gave it away in the background.
08:04It did a bit.
08:04It did roll, but fortunately, well done, yeah.
08:11Horses are, in fact, about as intelligent as tropical fish in terms of brain power,
08:16but they have extremely good memories.
08:17What was particularly clever about Clever Hans, the horse, who was rather famous in his day?
08:23Couldn't it count or give answers to something?
08:25Yeah, not just count, it could do square roots.
08:27But it wasn't quite a con, it was something else.
08:29Wasn't it that he could read body language, basically?
08:31Exactly right.
08:31He could see people going...
08:34Is it? Is it? Is it?
08:36And they go, and they stop.
08:37It's only much, much subtler.
08:39It's basically what Derren Brown often does.
08:41And if you train yourself to know how to read someone's body language,
08:44the tiniest movement of an eye, the tiniest flexing of a muscle somewhere,
08:48all those sort of things, you can, as it were, read someone's mind.
08:51And this is what the horse was doing.
08:52But Derren Brown's a bit brighter than a tropical fish.
08:57He's got one great trick.
08:58You know when you've got an empty seat by you on a train,
09:00and you don't want anyone to sit there?
09:02He says, you're insane to put things on the chair to stop people sitting there.
09:06The trick is, as they approach, you smile at them and pat the seat.
09:12That's so good.
09:15The horses are just stupid when you play them.
09:17Every day they have to reinvent the world.
09:18You know, you go, oh, what's that?
09:20It's a piece of paper.
09:22Oh, it's a hedge.
09:24You saw one yesterday.
09:26What's that?
09:26You get a grip.
09:28Oh, everything.
09:30You look so much like my nan, then.
09:34Woo-hoo!
09:36It's a hedge nan!
09:39So, anyway, what's the best thing to do with a dead donkey?
09:43Yes.
09:44Christmas dinner.
09:44A lovely Christmas dinner.
09:47If you're having the big family round,
09:48a donkey will go a long, long way.
09:51A big old cavity, plenty of stuffing.
09:54Can you be hung like a dead donkey?
09:59People had this idea that donkeys knew when their death was coming
10:02and went away and apart from everyone else,
10:05like the elephants are said to do.
10:06And therefore, to see a dead one is apparently very rare,
10:08although they're common.
10:09So it's considered very lucky.
10:10You have to jump over it one, two, three times.
10:14The word donkey, when did it come into the English language?
10:17When was Don Quixote published?
10:20Oh!
10:21Yay!
10:24So it turned out the word was asked.
10:26All the way through the 16th, 17th centuries,
10:29most of the 18th century.
10:30In the late 18th century, it suddenly appeared.
10:31The word donkey.
10:32It was pronounced donkey, like monkey.
10:34If we wiped out every single mule on this planet today,
10:40all of them,
10:41by next year,
10:43there'd be 10,000 of them.
10:46Really?
10:46At least.
10:47How would that work?
10:48Because they're hybrids.
10:49They can't breed amongst themselves.
10:50No, no, exactly, yes.
10:52They can't actually breed amongst themselves, though,
10:53so they rely on that.
10:54I see what you mean.
10:55You still have horses getting donkey,
10:56so you still get the, uh, mule population up.
10:58You'll still have horses getting donkey.
11:00Yes.
11:01I wanted to put it mildly.
11:02I didn't want to say boning them.
11:05Which way round is it, though?
11:06It's the female horse.
11:07It's correct.
11:08And the male donkey.
11:10So it's the donkey that does the shaggy.
11:11The donkey's little.
11:12Yes.
11:12I know, yes.
11:13So donkeys are quite intelligent.
11:15They have to find a box.
11:16No.
11:17And they're...
11:17Because in one department, Phil,
11:19the donkey is blessed.
11:21Oh.
11:21Now you see.
11:22Oh, that's a long reach.
11:23That's still.
11:25In fact, the donkey can do it from a different field.
11:28Yes.
11:29And they have a little...
11:40And they have a very Leslie Phillips way of treating their lady.
11:43They go, he...
11:44Oh.
11:46That's right, yeah.
11:47And the other way round is called a hinny.
11:49No, the what?
11:50A hinny.
11:51A male horse and a female donkey.
11:53It's called a hinny.
11:53A hinny?
11:54They're much rarer.
11:55When the female horse gives birth to a mule,
11:5899.99% of female mules,
12:00are sterile.
12:01And the males are invariably sterile,
12:03but they don't know they are.
12:05So they have to be gelded
12:07so that they don't shag all the time.
12:08What about donkey's milk?
12:10Do you know anything about that?
12:10Donkey milk.
12:11Yeah.
12:12It probably makes an amazing cheese.
12:14Well, oddly enough, it's the one thing it doesn't.
12:17No.
12:17But, Phil, come on.
12:18You're naive.
12:21Sometimes, honestly...
12:22I want donkey cheese!
12:26In India, they have always,
12:28in the countryside,
12:28fed babies on donkey's milk.
12:29It's very nutritious indeed.
12:31It contains oligosaccharides,
12:33which are very, very good for you
12:34and have all kinds of immuno-helpful things,
12:36don't they, Dr. Gardner?
12:37I'm sure they do.
12:39They're good for bathing in, too.
12:40Isn't Cleopatra in ass's milk?
12:42She was in ass's milk,
12:43absolutely, in pure donkey's milk.
12:44Popeya, the wife of Nero.
12:47300 donkeys were milked to fill her bath.
12:49Big girl, was she?
12:50Big girl, yes.
12:53Now, we all know what demons are,
12:56but does anyone know what a demon-im is?
12:59D-E-M-O-N-Y-M.
13:01Demony.
13:01Anybody there?
13:03Is it a false name you give when you go on a march?
13:05A demonym.
13:07Nice!
13:13No, it isn't.
13:13What does demonym mean in Greek words?
13:15People.
13:15People.
13:16It means your people name.
13:18In other words,
13:19you could say he is a Briton,
13:21he is an Englishman,
13:22he's a Scotsman,
13:23she's a Welshman,
13:24she's, you know, French.
13:26No, if someone's from France, they're French,
13:28and if someone's from Germany, they're German.
13:30But what's the right word from someone who's from the USA?
13:33A beast.
13:42Is it burger-eating invasion monkey?
13:49Oh, excellent.
13:52Is it Colombian?
13:55That is a word that is used.
13:56I don't know if it is in English,
13:57but I've seen the French before,
13:59it's like etat unitium.
14:00Yeah, etat unitium is the French, indeed, absolutely.
14:03There is the Spanish word,
14:04etat unidense.
14:05Oh, right, okay.
14:06The Chinese have lovely ones.
14:07They say for American,
14:08my guoren,
14:09which means lovely country person.
14:12Well, what do you think they call the English?
14:15It's ying guoren,
14:16and that means tiny country person.
14:18No, it's rather nice.
14:19I feel rather proud, really.
14:21It means hero country person.
14:25Country full of heroes.
14:26Frenchmen are fag-war-ends.
14:31Spineless and gay.
14:33Oddly enough,
14:34it means law country person.
14:37Now,
14:37a lot of you,
14:38widely held in the Middle East,
14:40that it's a land of lovely country people,
14:42but there you are.
14:43Speaking of the great Satan,
14:45America,
14:46how much would you say
14:48this recording is worth?
14:49List.
14:50And I said,
14:51hello, Satan,
14:54I believe it's time to go.
15:03Anybody there?
15:07I'd say it's worth about a man's soul.
15:10Why do you say that?
15:11Because I've forgotten his name.
15:12Guitarist Robert Johnson.
15:13Yeah, it was Robert Johnson.
15:15You know the story of the Crossroads.
15:16Exactly.
15:17Well done.
15:18Excellent.
15:22He recorded 19 tunes.
15:2429 songs.
15:25When?
15:25When?
15:271923.
15:281938.
15:28In his mid-twenties he was,
15:29he wandered into a studio
15:31and played extraordinary blues music.
15:34But what contributed,
15:36do you think,
15:36to this legend
15:37that it sold his soul?
15:38Because his talent
15:39bolted out of nowhere.
15:41Some people felt that.
15:42He'd gone away for a year or so
15:43and come back amazingly good
15:45and so much better,
15:46better than anyone
15:47had ever heard blues.
15:48And how did he die,
15:48I bet you,
15:49what happened?
15:49Oh, he was a woman
15:50who was going to be shot
15:51in a hooch house.
15:52Not shot.
15:53Oh, poison.
15:54It's all legend,
15:54poison.
15:55Poison, was he poisoned?
15:56Strychnine in the whiskey.
15:59He died in his twenties.
16:00He was an absolute classic
16:01sort of case of booze
16:03and whiskey
16:03and women
16:03and wandering.
16:05Yes, but you can't write
16:06the blues
16:06if you live a lovely life
16:07and you go jogging.
16:08The Giles Brandreth
16:09Book of Blues.
16:12Anyway, there you are.
16:13That's a great story
16:15of Robert Johnson.
16:16Now, what is the first
16:17computer ever to beat
16:19a grandmaster at chess
16:20now doing?
16:22Anybody there?
16:23Is it filtering calls
16:25for BT?
16:27You're so close
16:28to being right.
16:29If you have a billing query,
16:30move knight to bishop three.
16:36Oh, very good.
16:40It's actually
16:41slightly more disturbing.
16:42It's working for United Airlines
16:43as a reservations clerk.
16:46Didn't Casper of Sassi
16:47that he found
16:49it actually had intelligence?
16:50It was shifting.
16:51It was actually deeper blue,
16:52I think, when it beat him.
16:52You're absolutely right.
16:53It was named after...
16:55Isn't IBM called
16:56the Big Blue?
16:57It is.
16:57It's nickname.
16:58Yeah, it is.
16:59And that
17:00and an amalgam of...
17:01Of Deep Thought.
17:02Deep Thought, which is...
17:03In the Hitchhiker's Garden,
17:04yeah.
17:04I thought it was split in half,
17:05actually.
17:05It was in museums.
17:06Well, yeah, they did.
17:07I mean, they're only using
17:08part of it.
17:08It was immensely powerful.
17:09But didn't they cheat?
17:10And actually,
17:10what Casper pointed out
17:11is that it managed
17:12to spot his trap
17:13in the sixth game
17:14or something.
17:15Absolutely right.
17:16He set a trap
17:17in game two,
17:17which a computer
17:18could only have avoided
17:19by thinking creatively,
17:20leading Kasparov to accuse IBM
17:21of cheating
17:22and leading Stephen Fry
17:23to accuse Johnny Vaughan
17:25of cheating
17:25and reading his cards.
17:26It was so accurate.
17:27Well done.
17:28Very good.
17:28Yeah.
17:29Excellent.
17:32I watched Gary Kasparov
17:33play in the match
17:34against Nigel Short
17:35and done it.
17:35It really is
17:36absolutely terrifying.
17:37You could feel
17:38this energy coming out of him.
17:39It hunches over the board
17:40and moves the pieces.
17:42Even the way
17:42they move the pieces
17:43have names, you know.
17:44Vasily Smyslov,
17:46who was a very great
17:46grandmaster
17:47for a long period
17:48in the 50s.
17:48He used to move his pieces
17:50like that
17:50and give a slight twist.
17:52Flourish!
17:53And still to this day
17:53known as the Smyslov screw.
17:57As if you're screwing it
17:59into the board.
18:00It's really extraordinary.
18:01But he did complain
18:01that it was actually
18:02starting out to show
18:03intelligence
18:03rather than just cold logic.
18:05Exactly.
18:05200 million permutations
18:07it can think ahead
18:08or something.
18:08200 million positions
18:09a second can be analysed,
18:11yeah.
18:11Why don't we phone
18:12United Airlines
18:12and set a trap?
18:13Yes!
18:15That's a brilliant idea.
18:16Me to seat A7.
18:21Doesn't it kind of
18:22restore your faith
18:23in the human mind
18:23rather than being
18:24silly about IBM?
18:25The fact that
18:25he's going up
18:26against something
18:26that can do, what,
18:27200 million processes
18:28a second.
18:29It's amazing.
18:30It's close to autism
18:30though what he's got,
18:31isn't it?
18:31He happens to be
18:32more intelligent than most.
18:33Some of them
18:33you wouldn't trust
18:34to sit the right way
18:35in a lavatory,
18:35to be honest,
18:36but he...
18:37How much of your brain
18:38is taken up
18:39with the processing
18:40you're doing,
18:40it's not surprising
18:41you're not safe
18:42to use the street
18:42unattended.
18:44Anyway,
18:45listen,
18:46listen,
18:46with that sad story
18:47of Gary Kasparov
18:48and Deeper Blue,
18:49I'm sure,
18:50as most of you
18:51will have predicted,
18:52we stumble
18:52towards the tragic end
18:54that we call
18:54general ignorance.
18:55So fingers on buzzers,
18:56please.
18:57What is the number
18:57of the beast?
19:00Yes.
19:01603 score and 6.
19:02All right.
19:03No, no, no.
19:04No, no.
19:05What's the number
19:05of the beast?
19:06No, it isn't.
19:07I lose points,
19:08don't I?
19:08You do.
19:09Oh, you do.
19:09Big points.
19:09God, I've done so well as well.
19:11Yes.
19:12Hello.
19:12Oh,
19:138,
19:139,
19:148.
19:16For almost 2,000 years
19:18the number 666
19:18has carried connotations
19:20of evil,
19:20but they've discovered
19:21an oxyrincon
19:22from the old city
19:23of oxyrincones.
19:24They've discovered
19:25a papyrus
19:25which has the whole
19:26book of revelations.
19:27It's the oldest papyrus
19:28of the book of revelations
19:28and the number is 616.
19:30And it's already there?
19:32Yeah.
19:32That's the fax number
19:33of the beast.
19:40Since Irrinius of Lyon
19:41had also seen
19:42some manuscript
19:43with 616
19:43and just said
19:44it can't be right
19:44and changed it to 666.
19:46Since 616?
19:47616 in the original,
19:48absolutely,
19:48which is rather embarrassing
19:49for all those bus companies
19:50and roads
19:51and things
19:52that have changed
19:52their name from 666.
19:54There's actually
19:55one bus company
19:55in Moscow
19:57changed its route
19:58666
19:58to 616.
20:01This is really bad luck.
20:03There is an A666
20:04in England.
20:05Do you know
20:05where the A666 goes?
20:07Lancashire.
20:08It is Lancashire.
20:09Pendlebury.
20:10It's a Langell
20:10in Blackburn.
20:12All the numbers
20:13on a roulette wheel
20:14add up to
20:16666.
20:17Yes, they do.
20:19665 pounds
20:20and 99 pence
20:21is the retail price
20:22of the beast.
20:2825.80698.
20:30Square root of the beast.
20:31The root of all evil.
20:34I will give you
20:3566.6 points
20:38if you can tell me
20:39what a fear
20:40of the number
20:40666 is.
20:43It's hexacosioi
20:44hexaconta
20:45hexaphobia.
20:47The fear of 616
20:49is the one
20:50we should now have
20:50which is
20:52hexacosioideca hexaphobia.
20:54Oh, that's all right
20:55then.
20:57Now,
20:58what about
20:59this?
21:00Which human being
21:01in history
21:01has done the most
21:02damage to the
21:03environment?
21:06Alan.
21:07George Bush.
21:07No.
21:08No, no, no, no.
21:10Stalin.
21:11Genghis Khan.
21:12Mao Zedong.
21:12Margaret Beckett.
21:17No.
21:19Not Margaret Beckett.
21:21We can give you
21:22his birth year
21:231889.
21:25Yes.
21:26Oh, no.
21:27It's not going to be
21:27Henry Ford then.
21:28No.
21:28No.
21:29Okay.
21:29No.
21:30Diesel.
21:31Mr. Diesel.
21:32No, no.
21:32Again, I'm losing
21:33points faster.
21:34No, no.
21:34You don't lose
21:35points if there's
21:36a...
21:37Okay.
21:38Because you said
21:38something obvious.
21:39Oh, it's right.
21:40Mr. Chrysler.
21:41No, no, no.
21:42Sorry, sorry.
21:43If I tell you
21:44his name...
21:45Henry Rawls.
21:45I'll tell you
21:46his name.
21:46Wickham Royce.
21:47I'll tell you
21:47his name.
21:49Thomas Midgley.
21:50Thomas Midgley.
21:51He discovered
21:51by chance that
21:52iodine added
21:53to kerosene
21:54reduced knocking
21:55in cars.
21:56So he decided
21:57that although
21:58it slightly reduced
21:59it slightly
21:59wasn't enough.
22:00He wanted to
22:00completely reduce it.
22:02So he tried
22:03every single chemical
22:04in the periodic table
22:05until he came up
22:06with lead.
22:08and as a result
22:09all motor cars
22:12for 70 odd years
22:13put lead
22:14in their petrol
22:14creating billions
22:16of billions
22:17of dollars worth
22:18and millions
22:19of tons
22:20of lead
22:21into the atmosphere
22:22harming millions
22:23probably of people.
22:24And yet
22:24he looks
22:25a lovely fella.
22:26He looks
22:26a lovely fella.
22:28Some think
22:28it was his guilt
22:29about that
22:31that led him
22:31to think
22:33of doing
22:33something
22:33about their
22:34nasty old
22:35sulphur dioxide
22:36and the nasty
22:38old ammonia
22:38that we used
22:39in refrigeration.
22:41So he discovered
22:42in three days
22:45dichlorofluoromethane.
22:46He was very proud
22:47of that
22:47because it's inert
22:48it's non-toxic
22:49it's beneficial
22:50the first
22:50of the freons.
22:52What did he not know
22:53it was also doing?
22:54Destroying the ozone layer.
22:57It's a car
22:58not content
22:59with thousands
23:00and hundreds
23:01of millions
23:01of tons
23:02of lead.
23:02What's his next trick?
23:03His next trick?
23:05The cigarette.
23:08I'm sick
23:09of not having
23:09smoke going
23:10into my lungs.
23:11As you know.
23:12Then he decided
23:13to cut out
23:13the middleman
23:14and just kill
23:14babies with hammers.
23:17So anyway.
23:18That's where
23:18they drew the line.
23:19So he's put lead
23:20in petrol
23:20he's invented
23:21CFC's
23:22but then he was
23:23struck
23:24by polio
23:25at the age
23:25of 51.
23:26Oh f***ing
23:27good.
23:29It gets better.
23:31He invented
23:32for himself
23:32a harness
23:33because he was
23:34crippled by polio
23:35to get himself
23:35in and out of bed.
23:37One morning
23:38it swung around
23:40a little bit oddly
23:40and in the ensuing
23:42struggle
23:42he strangled
23:43himself to death.
23:47Hoisted
23:47by his
23:48own
23:48age 55.
23:50That's Thomas
23:51Mintley
23:52the man who's
23:52done more damage
23:53than anybody else.
23:54Anyway
23:55which religion
23:56causes
23:57harm
23:57by sticking
23:58pins
23:58into dolls.
23:59Oh!
24:00I don't know
24:00but I bet
24:00he set it up.
24:03Pins into dolls
24:04who do that?
24:06Oh no.
24:07Voodoo!
24:08Oh!
24:10He did!
24:11He said voodoo.
24:11Thank God.
24:12He takes it.
24:13No it isn't.
24:13Voodoo has never
24:14involved
24:14sticking of pins
24:15into dolls.
24:16What?
24:17So a religion
24:17does?
24:18European witchcraft.
24:19Oh I thought
24:20it was the
24:20Methodists.
24:23Do you know
24:23a bunch of heretics?
24:24Do you know
24:25what the dolls
24:25are called
24:25in European witchcraft?
24:26They're made of
24:26wax or they're made
24:27of ceramics
24:27made of wood
24:28straw
24:28all kinds of
24:29things
24:29but there's
24:29a word for them.
24:30Do you know
24:30it's rather nice?
24:31Poppets.
24:32Oh!
24:33Isn't that lovely?
24:34The closest
24:34anyway that voodoo
24:35ever comes is
24:36they do have
24:36these little
24:37empowered figures
24:38called bocheos
24:39which have
24:39small holes
24:40in it
24:40to which
24:40you put
24:40tiny pegs
24:41to channel
24:42healing
24:43energy
24:43so it's
24:44a generous
24:44kind thing
24:45voodoo
24:45to help
24:46people.
24:46It had made
24:47its way
24:47through slavery
24:48from West Africa
24:49to the Caribbean
24:50in particular
24:50of course Haiti
24:51is where it's
24:51most associated
24:52with.
24:53The missionaries
24:53and so on
24:53came and
24:54they wanted
24:55to discredit
24:55the local
24:56religion
24:56in order
24:57to raise
24:57up the
24:57claims
24:58of Christianity
24:58so they
24:59said it
24:59was full
24:59of cannibalism
25:00and zombieism
25:15take two
25:16puppets
25:16into the
25:16shower
25:17yes
25:20and finally
25:21what is
25:22a desire
25:23line
25:24yeah
25:25is it
25:26between the
25:26districts
25:27and the
25:27circle
25:27just on
25:28the
25:29it is
25:30to do
25:30with travel
25:30in a sort
25:31of way
25:31to name
25:32the planners
25:33give
25:33to the
25:34apparently
25:35almost haphazard
25:36amazing
25:36meandering lines
25:37that people
25:37make
25:38like paths
25:39that often
25:39don't follow
25:40contours
25:40and they're
25:41called desire
25:42lines
25:42there's actually
25:43a rather nice
25:43word people
25:43use
25:44for those
25:44who wander
25:45along
25:45without really
25:46thinking
25:46do you know
25:46what it's
25:47called
25:47trespassers
25:48no
25:50get out
25:51of it
25:53meanderthals
25:55wise designers
25:56now designing
25:57public spaces
25:58where they
25:58allow people's
25:59infinite capacity
26:00to wander
26:01apparently
26:01at random
26:02and make
26:02I like that
26:03desire lines
26:03yeah
26:03desire lines
26:04do I get my
26:05points back
26:06for liking
26:06it
26:06and being
26:07interested
26:08let's first
26:08see if you
26:09can predict
26:10your scores
26:11because if you
26:11can
26:13there will be
26:13666 points
26:15in it for you
26:15the old
26:16number
26:17of the bees
26:18you want to know
26:18if I can
26:19predict
26:20my score
26:27and
26:31you're predicting
26:32no
26:34Graham what have you got there
26:36I have my faith in cheeses
26:38and I've got
26:41minus 1
26:42minus 1 you think
26:43I think I've got
26:44plus 7
26:46excellent
26:47well
26:47I wonder what
26:48I don't think he's got
26:491 on pound of his
26:53let me give you a true reading
26:55now
26:55in first place
26:57with 7
26:59is Graham
27:10and I'm afraid
27:11because we did fall
27:12into a few of our
27:13heffalump traps
27:14third place
27:15Johnny Vaughan
27:16with minus 19
27:21I don't think you have to be
27:23Nostradamus to know
27:25who came in
27:26lastly
27:26Lastington
27:27it was
27:28Mr. Allen
27:29Arsenal
27:30absent
27:30Davies
27:31with minus 70
27:41that's it from QI
27:42I leave you with this
27:43mysterious quatrain
27:44from Stephen Wright
27:45the Nostradamus
27:46to know
27:47I went to a restaurant
27:48that serves breakfast
27:50at any time
27:50so I ordered
27:51French toast
27:52during the renaissance
27:53goodbye
27:54thank you
27:54thank you
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