- 6 minutes ago
Stupid Over Cupid
It's Valentine's Day in the mall, and the six best friends try to either find a date or boycott the whole thing; Jonesy offers himself a date to the highest bidder, which, after initially not taking off, results in him becoming the prize in a bidding war between an angry ex, a gay cowboy, and a geek (which results in Nikki saving Jonesy by placing a fake bet of 20,000 dollars).
It's Valentine's Day in the mall, and the six best friends try to either find a date or boycott the whole thing; Jonesy offers himself a date to the highest bidder, which, after initially not taking off, results in him becoming the prize in a bidding war between an angry ex, a gay cowboy, and a geek (which results in Nikki saving Jonesy by placing a fake bet of 20,000 dollars).
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00:00Time's last!
00:08Hold on bro, spot inspection.
00:12Go ahead, the rest pass for now.
00:15Remember I told you I had a surprise?
00:17Yeah.
00:18Voila.
00:19Aw, dude, you shouldn't have.
00:22They're not for you, man. They're for the customers.
00:27Yeah, but this is meat.
00:29You really think I can sell it as a Valentine's Day present?
00:32Are you kidding?
00:33This is a very stress-inducing holiday.
00:35Trust me, people will buy anything in a heart-shaped box.
00:39I don't know, dude.
00:42Well, I'll take one of those, partner.
00:44Excellent choice, sir.
00:46That'll be $25.
00:49Well, giddy up.
00:51Ah?
00:52That guy just gave you $25.
00:55Nope.
00:56He gave you $25.
00:58Minus $5 for the idea.
01:00Told you, dude.
01:01It's Valentine's Day.
01:04So?
01:05You gonna ask anyone out tonight?
01:07Yep.
01:08Nicky.
01:09All right!
01:10Carpe diem, dude!
01:12What?
01:13Carpe diem.
01:14It's Latin for seize the fish.
01:17Right.
01:17Well, you know, underneath all those biting insults and scathing put-downs lies a pretty hot chick.
01:25Just promise you won't all follow us around on our date like you did last time.
01:29Yeah, okay.
01:32Easy, bro.
01:33I need those to fill up the rest of the hearts.
01:35Now you're getting it?
01:36Uh-oh.
01:37Angry Cowboy, 10 o'clock.
01:39This ain't chocolate, son.
01:41No.
01:42It's the other chocolate.
01:44Pork.
01:45It's a new trend in candy.
01:47Oh, sure.
01:48I heard about that.
01:50You don't sell flowers, do you?
01:53Sure.
01:54$30, bro.
01:56Dude!
01:57Nicely done.
01:58Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
02:15Hey!
02:16I'm not done!
02:16Yes, you are.
02:18Shhh!
02:19Hi, I'm confirming a table for tonight.
02:22The name is Wyatt.
02:23Yes, I know.
02:24I confirmed yesterday.
02:25Uh, so!
02:26Now that's your most romantic booth, right?
02:30Hello?
02:31Hello?
02:32Sounds serious, lover boy.
02:34Check it out!
02:34I've got dinner reservations, a nice card, and twelve long stem roses lined up for Serena.
02:40Aww!
02:41That's the sweetest!
02:43Dude, you're so in!
02:45Oh, please.
02:47Should I get chocolates too, or is that overkill?
02:49Why don't you hire a plane to write her a message in the sky?
02:52Yeah!
02:52How about, I'm a total wuss?
02:55Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
03:00Sorry.
03:01Come on, guys, it's sweet!
03:03He's just showing her that she's special.
03:05Yeah, with every cliche in the book.
03:07Seriously, dude, you don't pull out the entire arsenal in one date!
03:11Save something for when you screw up!
03:13Well, I think he should do what's in his heart.
03:15Ciech, ciech, ciech, ciech, ciech...
03:20Hmm...
03:21Uh, I'm down with V-Day, too, you know.
03:24Oh, really? Who's the lucky lady?
03:26Couldn't find one, so I'm asking you.
03:29So, wanna chill and catch a flick?
03:32Gee, I'm flattered, but no thanks.
03:36No to me, or no to the movie?
03:38No to tonight. I don't go out on Valentine's dates.
03:41Oh, never?
03:42Too many bad experiences.
03:44Oh, are you talking about the time that guy scanned your face onto the naked Cupid and put it up
03:49all over the school?
03:51Or the time you got food poisoning at the Valentine's dance and had to be rushed to emergency?
03:55Right, because Richard Gooberman gave you chocolate creams that were a year old.
03:59He could have warned me.
04:00Little science creep.
04:01You really do have bad luck on Valentine's.
04:04Not anymore.
04:05This year, I'm having an anti-Valentine's Day non-celebration.
04:09A heart-shaped anything embargo, if you will.
04:12Right.
04:13Well, this has been helpful.
04:14Where are you going?
04:15To buy Serena some heart-shaped chocolates before my shift.
04:19Sucker.
04:21So, seriously, Freaky Casual Friday is playing tonight.
04:24I'm not going out with you on Valentine's Day, so forget it.
04:26How can you be alone on the scoringest night of the year when you could be with the scoringest guy?
04:32Oh, it's a sacrifice, alright. I don't know how I'll live with myself.
04:36I'm just saying-
04:37Despite popular belief, you don't have to be scoring on February 14th to have fun.
04:42Besides, I'm not going to be alone.
04:44You're not?
04:44No.
04:45I'm going to kick it with the girls.
04:47Right, girls?
04:48Huh?
04:49Oh, you play rugby. Cool. So, do you play it on, like, a big rug?
04:56Oh!
04:56Ha ha ha! She's joking. We love rugby. Jen, what are you doing?
05:02Shh! We might have some dates for tomorrow night.
05:06Oh, great. Whatever you have is catching.
05:09Valentine's fever. Hmm. I think I just got me an idea.
05:17Dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Huh?
05:22Ha ha ha. So then the guy asks me, which CD is more romantic? The classical guitar or the pan
05:30flute?
05:31Ew!
05:31Exactly. He's probably a normal guy, but on Valentine's Day, they turn into these mushy, gushy freaks.
05:38Mm-hmm. It's all.
05:40Hey, baby. Here's your requisite flowers and chocolates. Again. Nice effort.
05:46Yeah, real original.
05:48Ha ha ha ha!
05:50What have I done?
05:53She's going to hate everything I got her.
05:55Dude, slow down. I think you're overthinking this.
05:57I think I'm not. I don't want to blow this date. I still can't believe she said yes.
06:02Just looking at that hair, that smile, it just does something to me, you know?
06:09Weird kids.
06:13Okay, so we stuck out. No biggie. We are not going to be dateless losers for Valentine's Day.
06:19Totally not.
06:21Ooh. Hello. You're going to try to get a greater god to go out with us?
06:27Hey, welcome to Albatross and Fish.
06:29My friends and I have a question. Do you and your friend have plans for tomorrow night?
06:34Not for you. That's an image thing. You understand.
06:39Jerk!
06:44What are you up to now?
06:47Been here to win a dream date with Jonesy.
06:52I don't think anyone would pay to go out with me.
06:55There are tons of lonely chicks without dates on Valentine's Day.
06:58With my qualifications, I could make a fortune.
07:01I'm taking one lucky lady out on a romantic night at the mall.
07:05Dinner, dessert, a movie of her choice, and if she's real hot, maybe a kiss.
07:10I'm sure it'll be a night to remember.
07:12Okay, let's say you got dinner reservations, flowers, and chocolates for someone, and you found out they thought all that
07:18stuff was stupid.
07:19I'd save yourself the cash and cancel it all, bro.
07:21Me too.
07:22It's like, why buy a bone for a dog who has no teeth?
07:27Uh...
07:27Yeah.
07:28I've gotta run.
07:29I've got some damage control to do.
07:39Oh, I have a table for two reserved for...
07:42Yes, it's Wyatt Williams.
07:44No, actually.
07:46Funny story.
07:47I'd like to cancel.
07:48You are most dishonorable.
07:50I make a shriek roll out of you.
07:52Huh?
07:55Hi.
07:56About those flowers.
07:58I said I'm sorry.
07:59Jeez, it's just 12 roses.
08:03This is not going well at all.
08:05I can't believe we even struck out at the arcade.
08:08And most of those guys were 12.
08:10Hello, ladies.
08:11Can I interest you in some half-priced stereo wires?
08:18Hmm...
08:18Get out of my way!
08:19Don't I song first!
08:20It was my idea to get us dates!
08:22Oh, easy, ladies.
08:24There's plenty of Darth to go around.
08:28What are we doing?
08:30We've got to get a grip.
08:31We're not that desperate.
08:33You're right.
08:34Nikki is so better than Darth.
08:38They have a point.
08:41Win a dream date with Jonesy!
08:44Sure, he's got his faults.
08:46He's kinda selfish, and he's cheap!
08:49Jude!
08:49What?
08:50Keep it positive!
08:51Oh, sorry, dude.
08:54Win a dream date with Jonesy!
08:57It's better than being alone!
08:59Hey, Wyatt!
09:00Were you able to bail on your plans for a scene?
09:03Yeah, thanks.
09:05So how many bits you got so far?
09:08None!
09:09Can you believe it?
09:10How much is the starting bit?
09:11Two hundred dollars.
09:12You may want to consider lowering your price a bit.
09:15What do you think?
09:16Twenty bucks.
09:17Yeah, twenty.
09:19Twenty bucks?!
09:20This is me you're talking about!
09:22Oh!
09:23I get it.
09:24Start the bidding low, build up a bit of Jonesy mania, right?
09:29Something like that.
09:32So, ready to spring all your Valentine's Day plans on Serena?
09:36Oh, I'm not doing those things anymore.
09:37Even return the mushy card.
09:39You cancelled the reservations, too?
09:42Yeah, and to think I came this close to blowing it.
09:44Are you sure that's a good idea?
09:46Completely!
09:47I heard her tell Charmaine she thinks Valentine's Day gifts are lame.
09:50Hold on!
09:51You didn't believe that, did you?
09:53You can't just believe everything you hear girls say!
09:56You can't?
09:56No!
09:57It's like when a girl says, nothing's wrong.
10:00Something is definitely wrong.
10:02So, what you're saying is, girls don't always say what they mean.
10:07Oh, no!
10:09Do you guys?
10:10Yes!
10:11Okay.
10:12Are you two not saying what you really mean now?
10:14No!
10:15Oh, man.
10:16Time to damage control the damage control.
10:18I have to rebook that dinner reservation.
10:21You have reached super-terrific sushi.
10:23If this is a Mr. Wyatt, leave us alone!
10:28Yo, Jonesy, check it out.
10:30Two hotties, 11 o'clock.
10:32Would either of you ladies like to place a bid?
10:35Okay.
10:37Now that's more like it.
10:42How dare you come in here?
10:44I make sushi!
10:45I'll do your best times!
10:47Okay, okay!
10:50Sorry, we're fully booked.
10:52Are you serious?
10:54Valentine's Day is tomorrow, you know.
11:04Slow day at the mall.
11:06I'm sure things will pick up after four.
11:08Yeah.
11:08Look alive!
11:09Cougar on approach.
11:14Uh...
11:14Can I place a bid, boys?
11:17Of course you can!
11:26See ya tonight.
11:33Oh, I'm a genius!
11:37So I guess it's just gonna be you, me, and Nikki tonight.
11:39Caitlin!
11:40I've got an idea!
11:44Faint!
11:44What?
11:45Fall on the floor!
11:46Now!
11:47Faint!
11:49Ugh...
11:50Help!
11:51Someone just fainted!
11:57Are you alright?
11:58Don't move.
12:01Woo!
12:02I feel much better now.
12:05Thanks, guys!
12:08It's not too late to place a bid for a dream date, Jen.
12:11Already got one, thanks.
12:13I meant a live one.
12:15Dude, twelve o'clock.
12:19Hey, boys.
12:20I've never been on a Valentine's Day before.
12:23Ugh!
12:28Are you sure you wanna bid this much?
12:30I mean, I'm actually pretty boring and a jerk.
12:33Fifty-five bucks puts you at the top of the bidding.
12:36See ya tonight!
12:38We have to find someone to outbid her.
12:40Fast!
12:42Nikki!
12:44Did we score the best date for Valentine's or what?
12:47Uh, you do realize he's cardboard, right?
12:50So?
12:51He's cute, available, and he won't say anything stupid.
12:54Point taken.
12:55Buy the man a soda.
12:57I'm toast!
12:58No reservations left?
13:00Not even wonder, Taco.
13:02Yep, you're toast.
13:04Valentine's is the only legitimate excuse to come right out and show your affection.
13:07Any other date would just be humiliating.
13:09So true.
13:11I gave flowers to this girl once on Bastille Day, and she laughed at me.
13:15Nice effort, though, dude.
13:17Thanks, man.
13:17What am I going to do for Serena?
13:20You'll think of something.
13:21Well, uh, whatcha doin' there, Mac?
13:24Place in the bid.
13:26I'll see you.
13:27Later.
13:31No, no, no!
13:32That doesn't count!
13:34Sure it does.
13:34There's no sign anywhere that says girls only.
13:37You can be shut down by the government if you discriminate against dudes, dude.
13:48You know what?
13:49This isn't so bad.
13:51I told you.
13:57I love chicken wings, but I would so never eat them in front of a date.
14:02Shh!
14:02You're gonna hurt his feelings.
14:04Hey, I think Jason wants more ice cream.
14:12Think, Wyatt.
14:13Think.
14:14Cool Valentine's gift.
14:15Hey, Wyatt.
14:16What was the name of that reggae group I like again?
14:18Toots in the Maytals.
14:19Right.
14:20Thanks.
14:22That's it.
14:23Okay, being single on Valentine's Day kinda rocks.
14:27And you can pig out.
14:28And you don't have to blow money on stupid presents.
14:31You know the one thing that would make this perfect?
14:33New outfits?
14:34No.
14:35If we could get Jason here to fetch us more food.
14:38Yeah!
14:39Nice.
14:41I'd better go.
14:42I want all the details in the morning.
14:47So, ready for our date?
14:49Okay, I have something for you.
14:51It's not fancy reservations or anything, but here.
14:55It's a CD?
14:57Not just any CD.
14:58You know how you love all those songs I spin but never know who sings them?
15:01I burned them all onto one disc for you.
15:03No way!
15:04That's the coolest Valentine's gift I ever got.
15:06Really?
15:07Definitely.
15:08Were you planning this all along?
15:10Oh, not too long.
15:11Okay, so I know it's cheesy and totally unoriginal, but I couldn't resist.
15:17It's so...cute!
15:19I know, kinda dorky, huh?
15:21No, I love him.
15:22Wanna get outta here?
15:23I know a great hot dog stand where you don't need reservations.
15:26Sounds good.
15:28Okay, there's still time for a girl to outbid this dude, right?
15:31Yeah, ten minutes.
15:37Hey, boy.
15:41I need some bids over here.
15:46Caitlin, Jen, Nikki, Jonesy's running out of time over here.
15:51Actually, this might be the best entertainment of the whole evening.
15:54Come on!
15:55I thought we were friends.
15:58Pass me the chips.
16:00Seven minutes left and the taco chicks got the lead.
16:06I'm begging you!
16:09Come on!
16:11What could you possibly want with me?
16:16I'm...into...chicks!
16:17I'll check.
16:20Aren't there any hot chicks in need of a date tonight?
16:23Hi there, gorgeous.
16:25Hi.
16:26You're in luck.
16:27Lots of time to win a date with the Jones Meister.
16:30You don't remember my name, do you?
16:32Sure I do.
16:34Hot dog...bender girl.
16:3975 bucks.
16:40Looks like Jonesy's all yours.
16:43So what would you like to do tonight?
16:44Sky's the limit.
16:46Let's see.
16:46In honor of you never calling me back after we dated.
16:50I was thinking we could start with a chick flick marathon.
16:53Then you'll put on my prom dress and tell the world what a jerk you are on the jumbo screen.
16:57And after that, my dog, Princess Fluffy, needs a pedicure.
17:02All that because I forgot your name?
17:04I never knew your name.
17:06One minute left.
17:07This bed should last sue me the grand prize.
17:11Back off, cowboy, he's mine.
17:14I was bidding on him before you.
17:16Would you all excuse me for a minute?
17:18Quite the predicament you've gotten yourself into.
17:21You've gotta help me.
17:23I do?
17:24Fifty seconds.
17:25You are so not helping, dude.
17:27Yes, you do.
17:29Ah, gee.
17:30I wish I could help, but I already have my dates for the evening.
17:34I know you hate Valentine's Day, but this is an emergency.
17:37I might have to go on a date.
17:38With a dude.
17:39On a horse.
17:40Thirty.
17:41Twenty-nine.
17:43Twenty-eight.
17:44Dude!
17:47Alright, but on two conditions.
17:49Anything you want.
17:50That the bid I make doesn't actually have to be paid.
17:53But that means I will have done all this work for nothing.
17:55You didn't actually think I'd pay to hang out with you, did you?
17:59Fine!
17:59What else?
18:00You have to do anything I tell you for the whole evening.
18:03You are a cold, cold chick.
18:05Do I hear a yes, Nikki?
18:07Eighteen.
18:08Seventeen.
18:10Sixteen.
18:11Sixteen.
18:11H-h-h-hem.
18:13H-h-hem.
18:14Harden?
18:15Yes!
18:15Be right back, girls.
18:22Twenty thousand dollars?!
18:24Whoa!
18:25That's a little rich for my blood.
18:27Well, go big or stay home, girlfriend.
18:32You do know he's a jerk, don't you?
18:35Yeah, but I love that about him.
18:37Auction closed!
18:38And the winner is...
18:42Nikki!
18:43Huh!
18:44Yes!
18:45Woo-hoo-hoo!
18:47Nicely done!
18:48Thanks, Nick.
18:48I owe you big time.
18:50You can start paying me back right now.
18:52Let's locomote.
18:53Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
19:04Enough.
19:05Time for our back massages.
19:10It'll look like we're with Jason instead of just Jonesy.
19:13Hey!
19:14I had a bit of $78, you know.
19:16To shut up and look cute.
19:18What's going on here?
19:19Nothing.
19:20This individual has a mask on, without carrying a costume permit.
19:23We're just humiliating Jonesy, see?
19:27Please, please help me!
19:29Carry on.
19:32Gangway! My back teeth are floating!
19:36Not letting him go to the bathroom during the movie was kind of mean.
19:40What if we needed licorice and he wasn't there?
19:42Good point!
19:44That's so cute!
19:45Ew, they both have mustard on their noses.
19:48What are you looking at? Get us some napkins and make it snappy.
19:51Yep, ladies, a good man is hard to find.
19:55But if you can buy one for free, I highly recommend it.
19:58Oh, yeah.
19:58Got that right, sister.
20:04What's with him? Dude thinks he's in love.
20:07Guys, you do not know happiness until you've had a date like I had last night.
20:12It was...heaven.
20:14You know who I really feel sorry for?
20:16The girls who placed a bid and didn't get to go out with me.
20:19Oh, gentlemen, don't throw that booth out too quickly.
20:22I'm starting to like Valentine's Day.
20:24Yeah, last night was fun, Jonesy.
20:26Does this mean I'm finally gonna score a kiss?
20:28Don't hold your breath.
20:30These lips won't wait forever, baby!
20:33Ha ha ha!
20:34KONIEC
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