00:29Lesley. I put up a good fight, but I lost for the first time, but not the last. I was
00:42born three days after 9-11.
00:45I can hear you. I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked
00:51these buildings down will hear all of them soon.
01:03My mother and father spent two days in the hospital, holding me under the soft glow of the television, watching
01:09those towers fall over and over again, until the feelings of grief gave way to numbness.
01:14And then, without warning, a middle-class childhood in an American suburb.
01:19Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen...
01:25What are you looking at, Ru?
01:26Seventeen.
01:27Ru, look at me.
01:31One, two, three...
01:34What are you doing, Ru?
01:42I'd say she's suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
01:45It's not like I was physically abused.
01:46Attention deficit disorder.
01:47Or had a shortage of clean water.
01:49General anxiety disorder.
01:50Or was molested by a family member.
01:51And possibly bipolar disorder. But she's a little young to tell.
01:56So, explain this shit to me.
01:58Honey, it's just the way your brain was hardwired. Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting, and creative people have struggled
02:05with the same things you struggle with.
02:07Like who?
02:10Uh...
02:11Vincent Van Gogh.
02:15Sylvia Plath.
02:17And your favorite, Britney Spears.
02:19She's lost!
02:20Oh, my God.
02:21She is completely lost.
02:25I don't remember much between the ages of eight and twelve, just that the world moved fast and my brain
02:32moved slow.
02:32Okay. Does anybody have any idea of what a preposition might be?
02:38And every now and then, if I focus too closely on the way I breathe,
02:46I die.
02:53Slow down. Just do it.
02:55Until every second of every day, you find yourself trying to outrun your anxiety.
03:05What's wrong, Lou?
03:07And quite frankly,
03:09I'm just fucking exhausted.
03:12You said the doctor was in our network.
03:13How could it suddenly be out of network?
03:16I can't afford it.
03:18Did you see that video of the beauty clinic, the acid thing on her face?
03:22Uh, what? No.
03:23It's pretty fucked up.
03:25Yeah.
03:25Hey, Mom, you got any tampons?
03:26In my bathroom, under the sink.
03:29And at some point, you make a choice about who you are and what you want.
03:40I'm living all the day for you and me on the Monday, where's the front page?
03:55All right, G, let's roll.
03:57Why is the co-pain in 300 hours?
04:00Room, did you eat breakfast?
04:20I just showed up one day without a map or a compass or, to be honest, anyone capable of
04:29giving one iota of good fucking advice.
04:35And I know it all may seem sad, but guess what?
04:39I didn't build this system.
04:42Nor did I fuck it up.
04:43I don't know.
04:48They've been waiting for me.
04:52Fuck, fuck.
06:05I remember the first time it happened to me, I got so scared I wanted to call 911, go to
06:10the hospital and be kept alive with machines and apple juice.
06:16But I didn't want to look like an idiot. I didn't want to fuck up everyone's night.
06:22And then over time, that's all I wanted. Those two seconds of nothingness.
06:31I'll find somebody to wait and see. Who am I kidding? Only me.
06:52They don't love you like I love you. Slow down. They don't love you like I love you.
06:57Back up. They don't love you like I love you. Step down. They don't love you like I love you.
07:19It's been a good portion of the summer before junior year. In rehab.
07:25God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
07:33and the wisdom to know the difference.
07:55How are you? Good.
07:58I miss you. I miss you too.
08:00Are you growing? Belle.
08:02C'est bon.
08:04Hey.
08:14Je suis très heureux pour vous, Ru.
08:18Vous allez commencer un nouveau chapitre.
08:44C'était l'end de l'année, la semaine avant l'école a commencé.
08:51Je n'avais pas l'intention de rester clean, et Jules m'a juste移é à la ville.
09:07C'est une nouvelle fille dans la ville que je pense qu'on va être friends avec.
09:10Qui ?
09:11Je ne sais pas.
09:13Je suis venu en l'année dernière, j'ai l'air de la moon et j'ai pensé,
09:18j'ai pensé que j'ai l'air comme quelqu'un Ru would aller avec.
09:22C'est un peu comme un observateur pour Fezco,
09:25qui n'est pas normalement revolve dans la même direction que Planet Earth.
09:30Jules.
09:31So, how long you been back?
09:33Five days.
09:34And like, how are you feeling?
09:36I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
09:39things have been like really good.
09:41Word, that's what's up.
09:43Yeah, I'm fucking with you Fez.
09:46Shit.
09:47Hey, I don't judge.
09:50Uh, below-key is Ashter in the back.
09:52You serious?
09:54What, you think cause I went to rehab I stayed clean?
09:55I mean, ain't that the point?
09:59Ah, well,
10:00the world's coming to an end, and I haven't
10:02even graduated high school yet.
10:14I thought your ass was dead.
10:16I saw you had Asperger's, so I realized you're just a prick.
10:18This is a fickle industry.
10:19Y'all come and go. I'm just trying to stack my cash,
10:22pay off our mortgage.
10:24So what the fuck you want?
10:30You sure you don't want to try nothing new?
10:32Like what?
10:332CT2,
10:352CT7,
10:36and 5-Me-O-DI-PT.
10:38I'm sorry, I have a zero fucking idea what you just said.
10:40It doesn't matter,
10:42but this shit is fucking lit.
10:45What is it?
10:46NDSO-propyl-5-methoxychipamine.
10:49It's fast-acting, it's psychedelic.
10:52Got some similarities to LSD,
10:54but with, like, key differences.
10:58Not as visual as shit,
10:59but definitely a sense of disorder.
11:12I don't know.
11:14Shit's been blown up in Tampa,
11:15and mad people like to fuck on it.
11:18I don't know.
11:18I don't know.
11:18Okay.
11:19Yeah.
11:20That'll be 120.
11:22Uh, Fez said he'd spot me.
11:23Fez go don't spot nobody.
11:24Yeah, well, at the post, we have discount,
11:26so you should ask him.
11:26I will go ask him,
11:27because I know you're a fool of shit.
11:32There's a brighter tomorrow
11:40in truth, I didn't have much of an issue
11:42with Nate until all the bullshit with Jules.
11:45I mean, I never liked him,
11:47and once during freshman formal,
11:48he tried to finger me on the dance floor
11:50without my permission.
11:52But, like, it's America.
11:55And if they were throwing
11:56an end of summer party...
11:58Yo, I'd do it for real!
12:01Of course I'd fucking go.
12:03Yo.
12:04The whole world's gonna be talking about
12:06how McKay threw the grimey
12:07as a fucking banger in the summer, bro.
12:09I don't know, bro.
12:10You know my mom is real OCD.
12:11She notices the smallest shit.
12:13A little scratch on the wall,
12:14the dishes are out of order.
12:15Fine, we'll just take a picture of everything.
12:16We'll put it back the way we found it.
12:18Done.
12:19What the fuck is this, Mission Impossible?
12:21Can you stop worrying about your mom?
12:23Start worrying about all the fucking pussy
12:25that we're gonna smash tonight, bro.
12:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait.
12:28Isn't Maddie coming tonight?
12:30I don't know.
12:31I don't give a fuck.
12:32She broke up with me.
12:33Fuck her.
12:33See?
12:34No, bro, because she's crazy.
12:36I don't want her to come
12:37and try to burn my house down.
12:39Burn that.
12:40Yeah, shut the fuck up.
12:43Yo, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
12:46Right here.
12:47Go tell yourself.
12:48Nate, don't do nothing stupid, Nate.
12:50Come on.
12:51Hey, yo, what up, B?
12:53Yo, yo, how about you coming right on this dick?
12:56Nate, come on, bro.
12:57Come on, man.
13:00What the fuck, bro?
13:02What?
13:04What?
13:04You being good, bud?
13:05Let me tell you what's up.
13:12Jules moved from the city to the suburbs
13:14after her mom and dad got divorced.
13:20She doesn't really like to talk about it,
13:22but dads almost never get full custody,
13:24so, you know, some shit definitely went down.
13:29She went to, like, three weeks of summer school with Kat,
13:32who failed intro to visual arts.
13:34I love that.
13:42Yes.
13:44I love that.
14:03I love that.
14:04...
14:34...
14:40Do you think my areolas look weird?
14:42No.
14:44But, like, the edges, though.
14:47Maddie, they're fine.
14:48Fine, like, they're kind of weird or fine,
14:49like nobody but me would ever notice what I notice.
14:52Firelight, shut the fuck up, Maddie.
14:54Disgusting.
14:55I literally look disgusting.
14:57Maddie, you just snapped the fuck out of this.
14:59You're hot as fuck.
14:59Nate's a loser.
15:00Who cares?
15:01He's not a loser.
15:02He's a dick.
15:02All dicks are losers.
15:04Duh.
15:05Look, bottom line, y'all need to walk into this party
15:08like your pussy costs a million dollars.
15:10Girl, I'd settle for, like, 50 grand.
15:1250 grand is a million dollars.
15:14I'd settle for, like, four Corona lights
15:16and some non-rapey affection.
15:17That's kind of depressing.
15:18Nate just, like, totally ruins my confidence.
15:21You know when somebody just constantly criticizes, like,
15:23everything about you?
15:25Yep, that's like every guy.
15:26You just need to catch a dick and forget about your troubles.
15:29Girl, you just need to catch a dick.
15:30Seriously, Maddie, the best thing to do after a breakup
15:32is to fuck someone new and then move on.
15:35Please, Kat, remind me again how many guys you fucked
15:37and, um, oh, yeah, catfishing, that don't count.
15:40Can you not be a cop for, like, 15 seconds?
15:44What are you doing for dinner?
15:44Kat, stop being a pervert.
15:46We're literally, like, all naked.
15:47Somebody just want to kiss me.
15:58Fuck.
16:01Fuck.
16:06Where were you?
16:07I went to eat.
16:08What do you mean you went to eat?
16:09What?
16:10What?
16:11Don't walk away from me.
16:13You know what, Rue?
16:14I don't trust you.
16:15I don't know what you want me to say.
16:16I want you to tell me where you were.
16:18I just said I was going to fucking eat.
16:19Don't be talking to me like that.
16:21You know what, I'm going to drug test you.
16:22Don't be slamming those doors around here.
16:24It was an accident.
16:25I don't care.
16:25You're not leaving this house until you take a drug test.
16:27I just peed.
16:29Glam another door.
16:33That girl's going to be deaf to me.
16:42Shit.
16:43Now, there's a few ways to beat a drug test.
16:46The first is simple.
16:47Stop doing drugs.
16:48But if you're in a bind and totally fucked, option one, niacin.
16:54It's a B vitamin that, like, breaks down fat and chemicals or whatever.
16:58And if you take a lot of it, like 2,000 milligrams, and chug a few gallons of water,
17:02you can flush your system in two to three days.
17:05The only problem is it has a few side effects.
17:07Skin flushing, extreme dizziness, vomiting, rapid heartbeat, and sometimes death.
17:13I don't recommend it, nor does any legit drug site on the internet.
17:17Option two, synthetic urine.
17:20Pfft.
17:21Yeah, fucking right.
17:23Option three, get a non-drug addict friend of his for you.
17:29The only problem is most over-the-counter home drug testing kits come with a heat sensor strip
17:35that detects the temperature of your urine.
17:37And if your parents watch you pee, you can't really do the sink trick.
17:44So you gotta get it fresh.
17:49Take it real.
17:50Hey, I, um, I need a favor.
17:52What?
17:53I, um, like, for real, like, see.
17:57What?
17:58Side effects of this option.
18:01Are you serious?
18:04Please.
18:08Thanks.
18:11Hey, Rue.
18:15How was rehab?
18:17Shit.
18:20It was good.
18:22It was really, really good.
18:23Oh, that's good.
18:25How long have you been back?
18:27Five days.
18:28Oh.
18:31New chapter.
18:33Mom.
18:33Hmm?
18:34Hmm.
18:36Lexi and I have known each other since preschool.
18:39And, like, in some ways, she's my best friend.
18:42Even though I think we've grown apart, we don't really have much in common anymore.
18:49Did you meet any cute guys there?
18:52Here's that eyeliner.
18:53Thanks.
18:55Huh.
19:04Mom, I have to pee!
19:08I wish we could do this in a way that wasn't a complete invasion of my privacy.
19:12Well, you lost your right to privacy after your overdose.
19:15That was a mistake.
19:16Don't be flip, Rue.
19:19Thank you.
19:21Thank you.
19:28You don't understand.
19:29This was the most frightening moment a mother could witness.
19:32And Gia.
19:33Gia who absolutely idolizes you.
19:36I know, Mom.
19:38To have her find you unconscious.
19:43Can we just, can we not do this right now, Mom?
19:47Rue?
20:07I know a lot of you probably hate me right now.
20:10And I get it.
20:12If I could be a different person, I promise you, I would.
20:18Not because I want it, but because they do.
20:22And therein lies the catch.
20:28I'm sorry.
20:30I was slamming the door earlier.
20:36It's okay.
20:37I forgive you.
20:38Come here.
20:48Can I?
20:50Yeah.
20:50Can I spend the night at Lexi's tonight?
20:52Yeah, that's fine.
20:53Thanks.
20:53Yeah.
21:10He's heating up!
21:11No one key.
21:12Stop son can't stay long.
21:14We know it in the morning, I'll be gone.
21:17I ain't staying till the morning, yeah, I'm gone.
21:19I ain't staying till the morning, yeah, I'm gone.
23:15But...
23:46Come in.
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