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The Abbott And Costello Show 1940-1949 Old Time Radio. This is a collection of radio episodes from the legendary comedy team of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
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00:11C-A-M-E-L-S
00:14That's right, folks.
00:15C for comedy.
00:16A for Abbott.
00:18M for Maxwell.
00:19E for Ennis.
00:21L for Lou Costello.
00:23Put them all together and they spell camel.
00:27Experience is the best teacher.
00:30Try a camel.
00:31Let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking camels than ever before.
00:35And draw up a chair for tonight's camel show starring Bud Abbott and Luke Costello.
00:53Hey, Costello, Costello, come here.
00:57Costello, will you come over here, please?
01:00Will you listen to me?
01:01What are you writing on that pad?
01:03Hey, Abbott.
01:03What are you writing on that pad?
01:04I'm just making out a list of girls I'm going to kiss next week.
01:07Here's who I got picked out.
01:08Lizzie Schwartz, Maggie Mugglemeyer, Tessie Tinfoil, Lana Turner.
01:12Now, wait a minute.
01:13Lana Turner wouldn't kiss you.
01:14Oh, no?
01:14Oh, no.
01:15Then I'll scratch her off my list.
01:16I love you.
01:19You dummy, always thinking of girls.
01:20Girls, girls, girls.
01:22A great man don't waste their time on girls.
01:24Where do you suppose Benjamin Franklin would have been if he'd have thought of girls all
01:27of the time?
01:28In the front row at Earl Carroll's?
01:30No.
01:32Costello, I've been telling you for the past three weeks.
01:33You've got to quit chasing girls and get yourself a job.
01:36Look at you.
01:37Look how sloppy you are.
01:38Look at your socks.
01:38I can't help my socks, Abbott.
01:40It's those new Hickok plastic garters.
01:42What's the matter with them?
01:43Your stock socks stay up, but your legs fall down.
01:46Yeah.
01:49Luke Costello.
01:50Telegram for Luke Costello.
01:51Here, boy.
01:52Out of the way, fatso.
01:54I'm looking for Luke Costello.
01:55Boy, he is Luke Costello.
01:57The famous Luke Costello.
01:58The one and only Luke Costello.
01:59That's me.
02:00Gee, I listen to you on the radio every Thursday night.
02:03You break me up when you say,
02:04How do you do?
02:06Wait a minute.
02:09Wait a minute.
02:10That ain't me.
02:11That's the mad Russian.
02:12You're saying?
02:13I'm not.
02:14Who's going to take this telegram?
02:15I'll take it.
02:16It's collect $14.
02:17He'll take it.
02:19Oh, give it to me.
02:20Here, boy.
02:21Hey, Costello.
02:22This telegram is from Joe DiMaggio.
02:24Listen to this.
02:25Dear Lou, as you know, I am recovering from a foot operation.
02:28I would appreciate you taking my place on New York Yankees until I recover.
02:34Please report to the Yankee Stadium immediately.
02:37Signed, Joe DiMaggio.
02:38Abbott.
02:38Hey, that's wonderful.
02:39That's the news I've been waiting for.
02:41I'm going to be a big league ball player.
02:42Yes.
02:43DiMaggio probably heard about my playing with the Cucamonga Wildcats last year.
02:46You a ball player?
02:47I don't believe it, Costello.
02:48You know nothing about ball.
02:49Oh, no.
02:49I eat baseball.
02:50I live baseball.
02:51All night when I'm asleep, I dream about baseball.
02:54Don't you ever dream about girls?
02:56What?
02:56And miss my turn up at that?
02:57Oh.
02:59That's ridiculous.
03:01What's the matter with you?
03:03Yes.
03:04And another thing, Abbott.
03:05What page are you on?
03:06Never mind what page are you on there.
03:08And another thing, Abbott.
03:10Not only that, in Patterson, New Jersey, I worked out with a baseball team.
03:14I used to stay out till four o'clock in the morning.
03:15Why did you stay out till four o'clock in the morning?
03:17This was a girls' baseball team.
03:21Costello, if you're going to play with the New York Yankees, you really have to know something
03:24about big league baseball, Lou.
03:25I know all about baseball.
03:26All right.
03:27Suppose there's a left-handed pitcher pitching.
03:28What do you do?
03:29I put in a right-handed batter.
03:30Now, suppose there's a right-handed pitcher pitching.
03:32I put in a left-handed batter.
03:34But now I trick you.
03:35I take out the right-handed pitcher and put in a left-handed pitcher.
03:38And I double-cross you.
03:40I take out my left-handed batter and put in a right-handed batter.
03:43Now, wait a minute.
03:43Where are you getting all those right-handed batters?
03:45The same place where you're getting all those left-handed pitchers.
03:50Hello, Bud.
03:51Hello, Louis, honey.
03:53It's Marilyn Maxwell.
03:55Hello, Marilyn.
04:02I've got great news.
04:03I'm going to play ball with the New York Yankees.
04:05I'm taking you along as a pitcher.
04:07Oh, now, Costello, Marilyn Maxwell can't pitch.
04:09Oh, no?
04:09You should see all the guys she struck out that were trying to get the first base.
04:12I love it.
04:14This kid has got some nice curves.
04:17All right.
04:18Oh, Louis, you're so sweet.
04:20But I do hope you'll be careful.
04:22You know, big league baseball is a very dangerous game.
04:25Oh, what's dangerous about baseball, Marilyn?
04:27Well, I read in the paper this morning that in the opening game in Boston, five players died on base.
04:34Marilyn, you don't seem to know much about baseball.
04:36Let me show you how to play indoor baseball.
04:38First, I put my left arm around your waist.
04:40Then I snuggle my head on your shoulder like this.
04:43Then I press my cheek against your cheek.
04:45Oh, wait a minute, Costello.
04:46That's not the way to play indoor baseball.
04:48How do you like that?
04:49Every season, new rules.
04:53Well, goodbye and good luck, Louis.
04:55I just know you'll become famous for those New York Yankees.
04:58Marilyn's right, Costello.
04:59This is your chance to become famous.
05:01Now, you've got a good job as a baseball player.
05:02And you might find your proper niche in life.
05:04Yes, I might.
05:05I mean, after all, if I find my...
05:06What will I find?
05:08An itch, an itch.
05:08You'll find your niche.
05:10Abbott, when I find an itch, I scratch it.
05:12Now, what in the world are you talking about?
05:15An itch.
05:15I once had the seven-year itch.
05:17What happened?
05:17I scratched real fast and got rid of it in three and a half years.
05:22No, I'm not talking about that kind of an itch.
05:24I mean an itch in life.
05:25An itch in life is what everyone is looking for.
05:28Anyone who is successful has found an itch.
05:30Paul, if that's the case, I know in Airedale it is doing very well.
05:34Listen to me, Costello.
05:35When I say an itch, I don't mean an itch like you have when you have an itch.
05:38I mean an itch like you have when you have a notch.
05:40Oh.
05:41You don't mean an itch like an itch when you have an itch.
05:43You mean an itch like you have when you have a notch.
05:44Now you've got it.
05:45Now I've got it.
05:46I don't even know what I'm talking about.
05:48Costello, why do you mash everything up like that?
05:50You're the most mixed-up man I ever saw.
05:52Well, maybe it's because I fell on my mother's mix master this morning.
05:55She had it set for mashed potatoes.
06:02All I'm trying to tell you is that a niche is a notch.
06:04Catch?
06:05Natch.
06:05Natch.
06:05All right.
06:07Now you know that a niche is a notch.
06:09You know that both of them are the same.
06:10Yes.
06:10Now I could have a notch and you could have a niche.
06:12Yes.
06:13Niche to me and notch to you.
06:18I'm only trying to impress you through the importance of being a big league ball player
06:22and having a good income.
06:24Did you ever draw a nice, big, fat salary?
06:25No.
06:26I never drew a fat salary, but I once sketched a skinny tomato.
06:29No, no, no.
06:30Stella, when I say draw, I don't mean draw like you draw when you draw.
06:33I mean draw like you draw when you draw a salary.
06:35Habit, let me smell your breath.
06:36Mm-hmm.
06:37Just as I thought.
06:38You've drawn one too many already.
06:40Can you listen to me, please?
06:41When I say you draw a salary, I mean you draw money.
06:44Now he's got me drawing money.
06:45Wait till the FBI finds out about this.
06:47I'll probably draw 20 years in a clink.
06:48And they don't feed you any salary in there either.
06:50Costello, when I say you draw money, I mean you draw like you draw money to spend it.
06:55Not like when you draw on an easel.
06:57That's what I always say.
06:58With money, it's easel come, easel go.
07:01Everybody draws money.
07:02I draw money.
07:03I've been drawing money for years.
07:04My brother draws money.
07:05He's been drawing money for years.
07:07You draw and your brother draws?
07:08Certainly.
07:09Just as I thought.
07:10You and your brother are an old pair of drawers.
07:20Well, if you want to be a big league ball player, you've got to get yourself in shape.
07:25Now, from 8 a.m. to 9 a.m., you lift weights.
07:27From 9 to 10, deep knee bends.
07:2910 to 11, skip rope.
07:3111 to 12, run five miles.
07:3212 to 1, I'll never make it.
07:33I love it.
07:35You idiot, you'll never be a ball player.
07:37Staying up late and going to nightclubs, eating rich food, running around with beautiful girls.
07:41Do you know what can happen to you?
07:42Yes, I can become manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers.
07:45I...
07:50Costello.
07:51I don't even know why DiMaggio picked you.
07:53You don't even know how to swing a bat.
07:54I know all about swinging bats.
07:56When I was a kid, my father used to hit me with a baseball bat.
07:58My brother used to hit me with a baseball bat.
08:00My Uncle Artie Stebbins used to hit me with a baseball bat.
08:02And my mother used to hit me with a tennis racket.
08:04With a tennis racket?
08:05Yes.
08:05She didn't like baseball.
08:07Hiya, fellas.
08:08Well, well, it's skinny in us.
08:10Hey, Costello.
08:11I heard about you taking Joe DiMaggio's place for the New York Yankees.
08:14That's right.
08:15You know, I used to pitch for the Hollywood Stars.
08:17And boy, I'll never forget my last game.
08:19There were five men on base.
08:21Oh, now, wait a minute, skinny, wait a minute.
08:23Five men on base.
08:24Now, that's impossible.
08:26Did you ever see the Hollywood Stars play?
08:30Tennis, I've seen the Hollywood Stars, and I don't remember you.
08:33Oh, I've changed a lot since then.
08:34Had the biggest buck teeth you ever saw.
08:36I was the only man on the team that could slide into second base and spike you from either end.
08:42Well, so long, Fatso.
08:44So long, skinny.
08:45So long.
08:46Hey, you know that skinny would make an ugly skeleton.
08:48All right.
08:49Let's have a little waste time with him.
08:51Now, you've got to get ready for the opening game.
08:52Yes, I think we're going to play the Cleveland Indians.
08:54Cleveland Indians, eh?
08:55Uh-huh.
08:56Feller pitching?
08:57Certainly there's a feller pitching.
09:00Who do you think they'd use a girl?
09:01Oh, I know they don't use a girl.
09:04I said feller pitching.
09:05What feller?
09:06Feller with the Cleveland Indians.
09:07Look, Abbott, there's nine guys on the Cleveland team.
09:09Now, which feller are you talking about?
09:11Feller that pitches.
09:12There is only one feller with Cleveland.
09:14You mean nine Yankees are going to play against one feller?
09:17That's right.
09:18You mean there's no fellers in the outfield?
09:20No.
09:20And there's no fellers in the infield?
09:21No.
09:22Cleveland only has one feller.
09:24Well, this feller must be pretty good if he don't need any other players but himself.
09:28Look, all the players will be out there helping him.
09:30You just said there was only one feller on the team.
09:33That's right.
09:33Then where did all them other fellers come from?
09:36Oh, you idiot.
09:36When I say there's only one feller on the team, I mean there is only one feller that pitches.
09:40Well, Abbott, when the manager of the team wants this pitcher, what does he call him?
09:44Feller.
09:44You mean he just hollers, hey, feller!
09:47And this guy knows that they mean him?
09:49That's right.
09:49Woo-hoo!
09:50His name is Feller, Feller, Bob Feller.
09:53And when I say there is only one feller on the team that pitches, that's it.
09:57And the feller that pitches is feller.
09:59There's only the other fellers on the team, but there's only one feller.
10:04Boy, are you mixed up.
10:08Oh, you mean the feller that pitches is feller.
10:11And there's other fellers on the team, but they're not fellers?
10:13Now you grasp it.
10:14Yes, I grasp it, but it keeps slipping out of my hands.
10:18Oh, forget it.
10:20Let's go into this sporting goods store and get your baseball equipment.
10:22I want you to look right for the opening game.
10:25Now go ahead and ask that lady there where they keep the baseball uniforms.
10:28Pardon me, miss.
10:29Well, if it isn't Mr. Aubott.
10:31Hello.
10:32And Mr. Costello.
10:33Hello.
10:34Oh, you fart, little Mon, you.
10:38What are you doing in the sporting goods store, miss?
10:40Oh, I just stoked in to get a gift for my Norfew.
10:44I'm buying him a Bozball.
10:46Bozball?
10:49Abbott, you know what a Bozball is.
10:51That's what the poacher throws to the koocher.
10:54And the booter tries to boot a home rune.
11:02My, uh, my Norfew is just a lorto chope.
11:06But his ambition is to be a Brooklyn doger, coacher.
11:09Well, if he's only a little guy, why don't he join the deep truth tookers and be a short stoop?
11:20Well, I must be going.
11:21As we say in Chinese, gish-a-goo-y-hop-doo-y-on-push-pah-doo-you.
11:26And a dish-a-goo-y-chop-doo-y-on-push-pah-doo-you.
11:30Hey, look, that's a little bit.
11:32Hey, there's a salesman now.
11:34Oh, good morning, boys.
11:36As Johnny Weissmella said to Buster Crab, what dive did you come out of?
11:42Well, my friend and I are here to get some baseball equipment.
11:44I'd like to see a baseball uniform that would fit Costello.
11:48So would I.
11:50Look, as Adam said to Eve, quit ribbing me.
11:54However, I'll do the best I can.
11:55We'll start with the spiked shoe.
11:57What size do you wear?
11:58Eight.
11:58Oh, let me see.
12:00I've only got one pair left, and they're size five.
12:02Maybe you can squeeze into them, Costello.
12:04Go ahead and try.
12:06Okay.
12:11What do you know?
12:12Open-toed baseball shoes.
12:15Now for the uniform.
12:17My, you're certainly a pudgy little rascal, aren't you?
12:20Mm-hmm.
12:21Aren't you overweight?
12:22I'm about 120 pounds overweight, but I'm going back to my normal weight.
12:26Yes, what's normal?
12:2760 pounds overweight.
12:29Gosh, Sally, you should really go on a diet.
12:32Of course, you know what a diet is, don't you?
12:33Oh, sure.
12:34That's where you can eat all you want of everything you don't like.
12:37Young man, if you really want to reduce, why don't you exercise?
12:40With a couple of dumbbells.
12:41Okay, I'm ready whenever you want to have it on.
12:43All right.
12:45Cut that out.
12:46Oh, we've got to get your baseball equipment.
12:48Mister, do you have any bats?
12:50Oh, certainly.
12:50Here's a fine bat, autographed by Slaughter of the Cardinals.
12:54This bat was made for Slaughter.
12:56Ain't you got one that was made for baseball?
12:58When he says Slaughter, he means Slaughter the baseball player.
13:01Slaughter the baseball player?
13:03With that bat, you could Slaughter anybody.
13:05No, no, Costello.
13:06I'm talking about Slaughter.
13:08Everybody knows Slaughter.
13:09Slaughter?
13:09He knows Slaughter.
13:10Well, maybe he knows Slaughter, but I don't know him.
13:13You idiot.
13:14Everybody knows Slaughter the baseball player.
13:16Slaughter is the man's last name.
13:17What's his first name?
13:18He knows.
13:19Now, there's the clever guy.
13:21He knows his first name.
13:22Oh, well.
13:23Just forget about the bat.
13:24Look, mister, do you have a baseball cap that will fit Costello's head?
13:27What size pencil sharpener does he wear?
13:29Yeah.
13:30Oh, a baseball cap.
13:31Oh, yes, here's a dandy.
13:33This is the kind fella wears.
13:35What fella?
13:35The fella with the Cleveland Indians.
13:37There's nine players with the Cleveland Indians.
13:39Which fella are you talking about?
13:40Oh, young man.
13:41When I say fella with the Cleveland Indians, I am only referring to one fella.
13:45The fella that pitches with the Cleveland Indians.
13:47When you say the fella with the Cleveland Indians, you're only referring to one fella.
13:50The fella that pitches for the Cleveland Indians.
13:52Yeah.
13:53As Orville said to Wilbur, you're right.
13:57How do you like that?
13:58Now they're doing our routines in sporting goods stores
14:01Oh, forget about him, Custer
14:02Hey, wait a minute, I've got an idea
14:03Mrs. Wetwash's late husband used to be a big league ball player
14:06Now, he was a home run king in other words
14:09Now, maybe she'll give you one of his bats for good luck
14:11Let's go over to her house and ask her
14:12Oh, okay
14:13I'll go right over now, huh?
14:15You're right, Abbott
14:15As John Adams said to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
14:19How do you like that?
14:20I forgot what John Adams said to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
14:31Well, good morning, Mrs. Wetwash
14:33Oh, hello, Mr. Abbott
14:35Ah, you know you ought to muzzle that Saint Bernard dog
14:39Oh, pardon me, it's Costello
14:42Tell me, Costello, how are things in Gawker, moron?
14:48Mrs. Wetwash, I wish you hadn't have said that
14:50I was just telling Abbott, your face reminds me of a rose
14:53Oh, really? An American beauty rose?
14:55No, a rhinoceros
14:59Hey, shut up, Costello
15:00Mrs. Wetwash, Costello's leaving for New York to join Joe DiMaggio's place
15:03Take Joe's place
15:04Isn't that wonderful?
15:05He's going to play with the Yanks
15:06Oh, I can't believe it
15:07Yes
15:08What do those big Yanks want with a little jerk like him?
15:12Mrs. Wetwash, that was an insult
15:14I'll have you know that beautiful women find me irresistible
15:16Irresistible
15:17I don't find you irresistible
15:19And I don't find you beautiful
15:21Quiet, Costello
15:22Ask her for those baseball bats her husband left her
15:25Okay, Mrs. Wetwash
15:26I understand when your husband was alive
15:27He had a lot of old bats
15:29That's a lie
15:29He never went out with anybody but me
15:31No, no, no, no
15:32No, no, Mrs. Wetwash
15:33Costello means your husband's baseball bats
15:36You see, he thought you might give him one of them
15:38Yes
15:38That's right, Mrs. Wetwash
15:39You see, I need a good bat
15:41Oh, you need a good bat
15:42I'll be glad to help you out
15:43Can I have the bat right now?
15:44Right now
15:47Oh, my little head
16:01Well, Costello
16:02I'm going to New York with you
16:03You know, Bucky Harris, the Yanks manager
16:05Gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team
16:07Look, Abbott
16:08If you're the coach, you must know all the players
16:10I certainly do
16:11Well, you know, I never met the guys
16:12So you'll have to tell me their names
16:13And then I'll know who's playing on the team
16:15Oh, I'll tell you their names
16:16But you know, strange it may seem
16:17They give these ballplayers nowadays
16:18Very peculiar names
16:19You mean funny names?
16:20Strange names, pet names
16:21Like Dizzy Dean
16:21It's brother Daffy
16:22Daffy Dean
16:23I'm their French cousin
16:23French
16:24Gouffet
16:24Gouffet Dean
16:25Oh, I see
16:25Well, let's see
16:26We have on the bags
16:27We have who's on first
16:28What's on second
16:29I don't know who's on third
16:30That's what I want to find out
16:31I say who's on first
16:31What's on second
16:32I don't know who's on third
16:33Are you the manager?
16:34Yes
16:34You're going to be the coach too?
16:35Yes
16:35And you know the fella's name?
16:36Well, I should
16:37Well, then who's on first?
16:37Yes
16:38I mean the fella's name
16:38Who?
16:39The guy on first
16:39Who?
16:39The first baseman
16:40Who?
16:40The guy playing first
16:41Who is on first?
16:42I'm asking you who's on first
16:44That's the man's name
16:44That's whose name?
16:45Yes
16:45Well, go ahead and tell me
16:46That's it
16:46That's who?
16:47Yes
16:50Look, you got a first baseman?
16:51Certainly
16:51Who's playing first?
16:52That's right
16:53When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
16:55Every dollar of it
16:58All up front of an hour is the fella's name on first base
17:00Who?
17:00The guy that gets the money
17:01That's it
17:01Who gets the money on first base?
17:03He does, every dollar
17:03Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it
17:05Who's what?
17:05Yes
17:09What's wrong with that?
17:10Look, all I want to know is
17:11When you sign up the first baseman
17:12How does he sign his name to the contract?
17:14The guy
17:14Who?
17:15How does he sign his name?
17:16That's how he signs it
17:16Who?
17:17Yes
17:19All up front of an hour is what's the guy's name on first base?
17:21No, what is on second base?
17:22I'm not asking you who's on second
17:24Who's on first?
17:24One base at a time
17:25Well, don't change the plate as well
17:26I'm not changing nobody
17:27Take it easy, buddy
17:28I'm only asking you
17:29Who's the guy on first base?
17:31That's right
17:31Okay
17:31All right
17:33I mean, what's the guy's name on first base?
17:35No, what is on second?
17:36I'm not asking you who's on second
17:37Who's on first?
17:38I don't know
17:38Oh, he's on third
17:39We're not talking about him
17:40Now, let's be
17:41Now, how could I get on third base?
17:43Why, you mentioned his name
17:44If I mention a third baseman's name
17:45Who do I say is playing third?
17:46No, who's playing first?
17:47What's on first?
17:48What's on second?
17:49I don't know
17:49He's on third
17:50There I go
17:50I'm on third again
17:52Will you stay on third base
17:54All right
17:54All right
17:55I don't even know
17:55Now, who's playing third base?
17:56Why do you insist on putting who on third base?
17:58What am I putting on third?
17:59What is on second?
18:00You don't want who on second?
18:01Who is on first?
18:02I don't know
18:02Third base?
18:05Look, you got outfield?
18:06Sure
18:06The left fielder's name
18:07Why?
18:08I just thought I'd ask you
18:09Well, I just thought I'd tell you
18:10Now, tell me who's playing left field
18:12Who is playing first?
18:13I'm not
18:13Stay on the infield
18:16I want to know
18:16What's the guy's name in left field?
18:18No, what is on second?
18:18I'm not asking you who's on second
18:20Who's on first?
18:20I don't know
18:21Third base
18:24And the left fielder's name
18:25Why?
18:26Because
18:26Oh, he's center field
18:28He is field
18:30Look, look, look
18:31You got a pitcher on the team
18:32Sure
18:32The pitcher's name
18:33Tomorrow
18:33You don't want to tell me today?
18:34I'm telling you, man
18:35Go ahead
18:36Tomorrow
18:36What time?
18:36What time what?
18:37What time tomorrow
18:38You're going to tell me who's pitching?
18:39Now, listen
18:39Who is not pitching?
18:41I'll break your arm
18:42You say who's on first
18:43I want to know
18:45What's the pitcher's name?
18:46What's on second?
18:46I don't know
18:47Third base
18:50How'd a catcher?
18:51Certainly
18:52The catcher's name
18:53Today
18:53Today
18:54And tomorrow's pitching
18:55Now you've got it
18:55All we've got is a couple of days
18:56On the left
18:57You know, I'm a catcher too
18:59No, they don't
18:59I get behind a plate
19:00Do some fancy catching
19:01Tomorrow's pitching on my team
19:02And the heavy hitter gets up
19:03Yes
19:03Now, the heavy hitter bunched the ball
19:05When he bunched the ball
19:05Me being a good catcher
19:06I'm going to throw the guy out of first base
19:08So I pick up the ball
19:09And throw it to who?
19:10Now, that's the first thing you've said right
19:11I don't even know what I'm talking about
19:14That's all you have to do
19:15Just to throw the ball to first base
19:17Yes
19:17Now, who's got it?
19:18Naturally
19:19Look, if I throw the ball to first base
19:24Somebody's got to get it
19:24Now, who has it?
19:25Naturally
19:26Who?
19:27Naturally
19:28Naturally?
19:28Naturally
19:29So I pick up the ball
19:30And I throw it to naturally
19:31No, you don't
19:31You throw the ball to who?
19:33Naturally
19:33That's the
19:34That's what I said
19:35You're not saying that
19:36I throw the ball to naturally
19:37You throw it to who?
19:38Naturally
19:38That's it
19:39That's what I said
19:40You asked me
19:41I throw the ball to who?
19:42Naturally
19:42Now, you ask me
19:43You throw the ball to who?
19:44Naturally
19:45Same as you
19:48Same as you
19:50I throw the ball to who?
19:52Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs the second
19:54Who picks up the ball and throws it to what?
19:56What throws it to, I don't know
19:57I don't know, throws it back to tomorrow
19:59Triple play
20:00Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to be caused
20:03Why?
20:04I don't know, he's on third
20:06And I don't give a darn
20:08I said I don't give a darn
20:11Oh, that's our shortstop
20:22What is that, Lou, you've got in your hand there?
20:24Another telegram?
20:24Hey, Abbott, look, I just got a telegram from Joe DiMaggio
20:26Well, go ahead and read it
20:27Okay
20:28Dear Lou, just heard your show
20:29I think you have the makings of the world's greatest natural ball player
20:33You have spiked teeth, a club head, and you've been off your base for years
20:37Good night, folks
20:39Good night, everybody
20:40And a special good night to Joe DiMaggio
20:42Get well quick, Joe
20:50Listen to Abbott and Costello again next Thursday night
20:52When Costello is going to build himself a new prefabricated house
20:55You can imagine the trouble he'll get after you
20:57I don't know whether it'll be a one-story house or a two-story house
21:00But anyway, that's another story
21:02You can imagine the trouble he'll get after you
21:05You can imagine the obtive he'll get after you
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