Stop Financing Your Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 12) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

Stop Financing Your Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 12)  Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series  Thursday | February 12th, 2026  Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES  https://leringaines.com https://linktr.ee/leringaines https://www.facebook.com/leringaines http://instagram.com/leringaines https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines http://twitter.com/leringaines https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines  Song of The Day: "Pick Up Your Feelings" by Jazmine Sullivan Released 2020 | Heaux Tales  Burning Questions for Reflections! Are you building a partnership - or underwriting someone else's instability? Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions... Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com  DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)  Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!  Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com  #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #DebtFreeLiving #FinancialCoach #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC6 #Vitality  DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.  411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines DISC 6: Vitality Track 12: Stop Financing Your Relationship ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network LerinGaines.com

Transcript

00:15I'll see you next time.

00:59I'll see you next time.

01:28I'll see you next time.

01:40See you next time.

02:12See you next time.

02:325, 4, 3, 2, 1.

02:37You're now tuned into the 411 podcast and reading Between the Wines, powered by the Black Diamond Consultations Network.

02:45More than a podcast, this is a sanctuary for self-discovery, healing, and personal growth.

02:52Here, we explore what it means to live debt-free, not just financially, but spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

03:00Every episode is part of a journey across our weekly mentorship series, Spiritual Sundays, Mental Mondays, Transformational Tuesdays, Wind Down

03:10Wednesdays, Coaching Sessions Thursdays, and Financial Fridays.

03:15Each day holds space for wisdom, clarity, and real conversation.

03:20So grab your journal, pour your glass, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

03:25Because here, we don't just talk, we transform.

03:28And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and founder of Black Diamond Consultations, Laren Gaines.

03:52Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome one in.

03:57Welcome one in to another episode of the 411 podcast.

04:01This is Coaching Sessions Thursday, and I want to thank you all so much for joining in.

04:08Thank you so much for coming on in.

04:11If you can please do me a favor, please like, please comment, please share, subscribe, tag a friend, text a

04:20friend, do whatever you need to do to support.

04:23And most importantly, please use your virtual voice.

04:27Let me know where you are coming from, let me know where you are calling from, let me know, you

04:33know, where you're representing.

04:35Go ahead and drop it in the comments and let me know.

04:38And again, I could not do any of this without each and every one of you out there supporting, checking

04:46me out, commenting, DMing me, just checking me out in general.

04:53And I want to say thank you so much.

04:55And of course, I could not do this without my executive producer, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

05:02I want to thank you so much for giving me another opportunity to be able to come out here and

05:08do the 411 podcast.

05:09So let's get right on into this mentorship series here, Coaching Sessions Thursday.

05:19Before we get into that as well, before we move on, I want to give a very special thank you

05:25to my special guests who joined me last night, author slash poet, Birdman313.

05:32We have been having some great episodes.

05:35So for those of you out there that want to check out the replay, you haven't, you know, caught them,

05:42you're just catching up.

05:43Let's go ahead and first of all, give a very big shout out to author slash poet, Birdman313.

05:52Thank you so much.

05:54Now, for those of you out there, go ahead and listen to me on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Deezer, what is that?

06:05Amazon Music, streaming live on Facebook, Facebook, Instagram, X, YouTube.

06:16We have DLive, Dailymotion, Twitch, just to name a few.

06:21Now, some of the platforms have been experiencing some technical difficulties.

06:26So as I am, you know, recording this now, I understand that X has been experiencing some issues.

06:35So for the people out there on X, you may be missing a couple episodes.

06:39But again, you can check me out wherever you, you know, listen to your major podcast.

06:44I just named a few.

06:46And if you happen to go to the area where you listen to your podcast and a four-on-one

06:51reading between the wines is not available, all you have to do is just reach out and let me know.

06:58You can DM me, you can text me, and we can go ahead and get that set up where, you

07:03know, where your home base is.

07:06So, again, thank you all so much.

07:10This has been an amazing journey.

07:12We got so much coming, and I feel like we are just getting started.

07:16So let's go ahead and get right on into this song of the day.

07:25Pick Up Your Feelings by Miss Jasmine Sullivan.

07:31I love Jasmine.

07:33I remember one time I was at a Mary J. Blige concert, and a couple rows back, like maybe, like,

07:41I want to say maybe two, three, maybe.

07:43Very close.

07:45Miss Jasmine Sullivan was sitting behind me.

07:47In a regular audience in Philly, just chilling with everybody else, and I thought that that was amazing, that she

07:56just blended in so well with everybody else and really wasn't concerned that, you know, people knew that it was

08:02Jasmine Sullivan, although we did spot her.

08:05She didn't get freaked out.

08:06She didn't get crazy, and, yeah, Jasmine Sullivan was sitting a couple rows behind me at a Mary J. Blige

08:15concert.

08:17Song of the day, Pick Up Your Feelings by Jasmine Sullivan.

08:20I want to speak about when, you know, we remix it the way we do it here.

08:26I want to speak about how we pick up our own feelings.

08:31Instead of telling somebody to pick up their feelings, sometimes we need to look in the mirror.

08:35We need to take that hard, good look in the mirror and pick up our own feelings.

08:41So, this is going to be interesting.

08:45So, how many times do we think that we need to step in and be somebody's savior?

08:52Because the last time that I checked, there was only one savior, and you ain't him.

08:58I had to tell myself that, too.

09:00The last time I checked, there's only one savior, and guess what, Larry?

09:03You ain't him.

09:05So, who do you think you are?

09:07See, sometimes we have to step to ourselves.

09:09Sometimes we have to check ourselves.

09:11Sometimes we have to step in and say, who do you think you are thinking that you can go ahead

09:15and do God's work?

09:17Sometimes you need to pick up your own feelings.

09:19Pick up your feelings, just like Jasmine says.

09:22Why do you think that you need to step in and save somebody else?

09:25If anything, you need to be focusing on saving yourself.

09:30And God helps those.

09:32I'm sure you've heard that.

09:33God helps those who help themselves.

09:36Sometimes we think that we need to get in and be the savior.

09:40We need to get in and do God's work.

09:43And we need to get in between the situation and help somebody else who don't even want to help themselves.

09:52Why?

09:53Why do we feel that we need to go ahead and step in and do God's work and try to

09:58be the savior and try to help somebody, try to pick somebody else up, when in reality, what we need

10:04to be doing is picking ourselves up?

10:08Song of the day.

10:10Pick up your feelings.

10:12Jasmine Sullivan, released in 2020, off of her album, Hose Tales.

10:19Interesting album cover, but album title, excuse me.

10:23But of course, if you listen to the album, you know exactly what it starts off with.

10:28So it's just very fitting.

10:30But this was a great time for her to come out with a record like this, because in 2020, we

10:37needed to get out of our feelings.

10:38We needed to, I don't know who I'm speaking to, I'm only speaking from experience, but we needed to start

10:43picking up our own feelings instead of worrying about picking up and cleaning up.

10:47And fixing somebody else up.

10:51So, yeah, let's just go ahead and put that out there.

11:04I don't know who I'm speaking to.

11:06I'm only speaking from real life experiences.

11:08But tonight, I want to speak about financial boundaries in relationships, how unclear emotional boundaries turn into financial obligations.

11:18This is so important.

11:21Track 12.

11:22Stop financing your relationships.

11:24For real.

11:26Stop financing them.

11:28For real.

11:28We're going to go all the way to Florida, Tampa, Florida, and we're going to help out Adrian.

11:35And Adrian says, Laren, I don't mind helping the woman I'm with.

11:41I was raised to provide, to protect, to step up.

11:45But lately, it feels like I'm financing more than I'm building.

11:50I started small, covering dinner, helping with the bill here and there.

11:55Then it became her car note when she was short.

11:59Then her credit card when things got tight.

12:02Now I'm juggling my own debt while trying to keep us afloat.

12:09The hard part is this.

12:11When I try to pull back, I feel guilty.

12:14Like I'm not doing enough.

12:16Like love is supposed to look like sacrifice.

12:18But I'm exhausted.

12:21I've drained my emergency savings twice in the last year, helping her out.

12:25I've postponed paying down my own debt because something always comes up.

12:31I don't know if I'm being supportive or irresponsible.

12:34I don't want to be stingy, but I also don't want to keep funding a situation that has no structure.

12:40How do you love someone without letting their lack of discipline become your financial burden?

12:46Adrian.

12:48Well, Mr. Adrian, we're going to take it to the top and we're going to try to help you the

12:55best way that we can here on the 411 Podcast.

12:58Now, before we go into helping Adrian, I want everyone to know that I am not a financial advisor.

13:07I am not a financial planner.

13:11I am a financial coach and anything that you hear when it comes to finances, anything that you hear when

13:20it comes to spirituality, anything that you hear when it comes to mental health, physical health, anything in general, especially

13:30here on the 411 Podcast, Reading Between the Wines, please do your own due diligence.

13:34Again, I'm only giving you my experiences.

13:40This is my own personal opinion, and I'm only putting it out there.

13:44This is not me telling you what to do.

13:47Do your own due diligence.

13:49Do your own research.

13:50So I'm going to take it to the top.

13:54He says that you don't mind helping the woman you are with.

13:57You were raised to provide, to protect, and to step up.

14:00Absolutely.

14:01That is signs of a man.

14:04Absolutely.

14:06And you say, but lately it feels like you're financing more than you're building.

14:10Now, that's a problem.

14:12That is a big problem, and I'm glad that you're recognizing that.

14:17And one key thing that you say in this that is just so profound, this is how it starts.

14:22He says it started small.

14:24Well, I'm going to say that again.

14:28You said it started small.

14:31And typically, that's exactly what happens when a situation like this occurs.

14:38It starts small.

14:39You go to dinner here or there, which is exactly what you said.

14:44Again, I'm just reminiscing because this sounds all so familiar to me.

14:49This is where the problem comes in.

14:54Helping with a bill here and there.

14:57Hmm.

14:58Then it became a car note when she was short.

15:03Then a credit card when things got tight.

15:06Now, let's take it back to the beginning.

15:08Covering dinner, you know, that's what we do.

15:12That's good.

15:12That makes sense.

15:14You know, I truly believe in Dutch dating.

15:17I truly believe that, you know, we could do 50-50 for, you know, if I'm asking you to go

15:23out on a date, if I'm asking you to go somewhere, then, of course, it's only right for me to

15:28dig down in my pocket if I'm asking you out.

15:31If you're asking me out, then, you know, it's only right that maybe you would pay.

15:37And there's nothing wrong with meeting in the middle.

15:41That's the most important aspect is that, you know, you can provide your own.

15:46You can stand on your own two feet.

15:50A bill here and there, I don't know about that.

15:56No, a bill here and there, that's a problem.

16:00A bill here and there, I don't understand that.

16:04Then it became the car note when she was short.

16:08Now, this is already going south.

16:12Then a credit card when things got tight.

16:17We could stop the letter right here.

16:19We could stop the conversation right here.

16:21This is already going south.

16:22I don't know how long that y'all have been dating before you decided to dig down in your pockets

16:29and start paying these things.

16:31And now, as a result, you say that you're juggling your own debt while trying to keep, this is a

16:37problem here, us afloat.

16:40Us trying to keep us afloat.

16:48I don't understand us.

16:50Nowhere did it say that you were married or engaged, living together.

16:58I don't know what this is here.

17:01But if you have debt, you're struggling to be on your own two feet, let's take it back to pick

17:07up your own feelings, pick up your feelings.

17:09How can you sit here and help keep somebody else afloat when you are struggling to keep yourself afloat?

17:18See, when we get into these relationships, just as well as we focus on debt-free living, this is so

17:26important to take these same principles and apply it to our relationships.

17:30Let's start from the top.

17:33Before you get wrapped up and trapped up into these relationships with people, you need to make sure that the

17:39person that you want to cohabitate with, you're going to get wrapped up and trapped up with, that they are

17:47aligning with you on a spiritual aspect.

17:49And a lot of times, when it comes to the spiritual aspect, that is going to affect how you show

17:57up with your money.

17:59Are you being a good steward of God's money?

18:03Or are you just out here recklessly doing what you want to do?

18:07And if you feel that this person that you want to be with is not lining up on a spiritual

18:14aspect, then you might need to start to question a couple things.

18:20Mentally, are you both on the same page?

18:23If not, somewhere similar.

18:25Are you vibrating on the same frequency?

18:29Or do you have to show up and be somebody's personal therapist?

18:36It is not your responsibility to regulate somebody else's nervous system.

18:42God has given you, and I'm speaking to me and anybody in general, enough on your plate.

18:49You have enough on your plate, focusing and managing your own nervous system that, and again, I don't know who

18:56I'm speaking to.

18:57I'm only speaking from experiences because I've been there before.

18:59And I had to look in the mirror and ask myself, Laren, how dare you think that you can go

19:05ahead and manage somebody else's nervous system when you're having a hard enough time managing your own?

19:10And, you know, you need to make sure that you are showing up properly, treating people with respect, not going

19:17off on anybody, not cussing people out, not going upside somebody's head.

19:23Like, yeah, are your emotions in check, Laren?

19:26Because, you know, you got enough on your plate to handle and make sure that you are good.

19:33Now, the physical aspect, when you get wrapped up and trapped up with somebody, you want to talk about your

19:42mental health taking a challenge, your mental health going through the loop.

19:47Try getting in a relationship or being in a relationship and you both are not compatible from the physical aspect.

19:55And I'm not just talking sex.

19:59And let's just keep it real.

20:00That is not the only thing.

20:02An important aspect, but not everything.

20:05But do you have the motivation?

20:06Do you have the drive to get up and do something with yourself, with your life?

20:13Or are you taking the lazy route out?

20:17You're taking the easy route out and you decide to take shortcuts when it comes to life in general.

20:26You know how detrimental that is, is when you are wrapped up and trapped up with someone and you two

20:32are not compatible from the physical realm.

20:37No good.

20:39And here we are speaking today about the financial aspect of it.

20:45I spoke about this a couple nights ago.

20:49And, you know, this is just a common topic and a theme that I speak about is that you are

20:55only an average of the five closest people that you surround yourself with.

21:01Only an average, not the top, just an average of the five closest people that you interact with on a

21:09daily, weekly, monthly basis.

21:14Now, how important is it to make sure that the person that you are with, you know, in a relationship

21:25with, cohabitating with, sleeping with, whatever you have going on with, how important is it to make sure that that

21:32person is aligned properly when it comes to the financial aspect?

21:37Because you will start to pick up their habits and start to do and become, you know, who they are

21:46and create these soul ties and everything else.

21:51And some of these things are so hard to break after we've already invited this type of situation.

22:00I can get even deeper, this type of spirit into our environments.

22:07This is so important.

22:10And now, after all of this, let's get back to this.

22:16You say that the hard part is when you try to pull back, you feel guilty.

22:23Now, I know exactly where you're coming from, because if I didn't know any better, you want this person that

22:34you're in a relationship with to be a winner.

22:38You want them to be on team, you know, winning, team win.

22:44I get it.

22:46But you know full well, it's that instinct.

22:51It's that intuition that says, no, something's not right.

22:59We are not a cash register.

23:01We are not here to be somebody's personal bank.

23:06We are not here to be somebody's crutch, somebody's footstool.

23:14We know that God probably doesn't agree with somebody's decisions.

23:20So I'm going to need to pull back because I'm going to have to take care of myself first.

23:23Like, reality will sink in when you start to realize that you are sinking in sand and the other person

23:30is right there with you, sinking right along.

23:33And they could care less.

23:34And they're looking at you to be able to help both of us get out the situation.

23:39And they're just sitting there and you're the only one freaking out because you know that the walls are closing

23:45in.

23:48So you start to get yourself up out of the situation, but then you feel guilty because you look back

23:53and you see the other person sitting there with their hand out waiting for you to come up and do

23:58something.

24:00And then now you're taking on somebody else's burden and somebody else's responsibility back to what I was saying before.

24:08It is not your responsibility to regulate somebody else's nervous system.

24:13It is not your responsibility to make sure that somebody gets up and moves and goes to work and does

24:21what they're supposed to do to, you know, live.

24:24You know, there's a cost of living.

24:27We've all heard that before, cost of living.

24:29Some of us, we get a cost of living adjustment, which is considered a raise or an increase, you know,

24:35at our place of business.

24:38There's a cost of living.

24:40You have to pull your weight.

24:42Everybody in this world, they have to pull their own weight.

24:45You can't rely on another individual to do something for you because at the minute, at the end of the

24:51day, anybody can go ahead and turn around and do the 180 on you.

24:55They can turn their back.

24:56They can get up one day and realize that you are not the person that they want to be with.

25:01You are not the person that they want to help anymore.

25:03And when someone decides to turn around and do the 180 or get up and do whatever they want to

25:08do or say that they don't like you, they don't love you, they don't want you, there is nothing that

25:14you can do about it except accept it.

25:16Because every single person in this world has the ability to make their own free choice and decision.

25:23And we are not to manipulate, control, force anybody into wanting to be with us, love us, like us, anything.

25:37We have to be able to stand on our own two feet and accept things and decisions and what people

25:43say and who they are for exactly who they are and what they are.

25:49That lesson right there was one of the hardest lessons that I had to learn in my life because Adrian,

25:56this letter here, this situation, I've lived this time and time again until I got good and sick and tired

26:04of myself and said, absolutely not.

26:07We won't do that again and now you're asking, is this love or is this sacrifice, is this love or

26:15is this sacrifice, if it's love, you're going to feel love, you're not going to feel drained, you're not going

26:23to feel like you're making a mistake, you're not going to feel guilty, love doesn't make you feel that way.

26:30Now you're exhausted and this part here is a situation here.

26:36You've said that you've drained your emergency savings twice in the last year, helping her out.

26:46Absolutely not.

26:48Absolutely not.

26:50You drained your savings account, emergency savings account, twice in the last year, helping her out.

26:59Now, that's not an emergency.

27:03Now, we can shut this whole thing down here immediately because that is not an emergency.

27:12Now, I'll break it down when it comes to the emergency fund.

27:15For anybody who focuses on debt-free living, you've taken the coaching sessions, you've been hanging out here at Black

27:24Diamond Consultations for a minute, you all know that we do not touch our emergency fund unless it's for an

27:31absolute emergency.

27:33Now, you might be asking, Laren, what are some examples of an emergency?

27:40Well, we're going to go ahead and break it down here.

27:44Anything happens with your car, an unexpected situation with your car, that's an emergency.

27:52And I'm not speaking about, oh, you know, the check engine light came on and I just drove my car

27:58for six months to a year and it broke down.

28:00You saw the warning signs.

28:02You didn't do what you were supposed to do.

28:03Now, you created an emergency.

28:05This is something that's unexpected and it popped out of nowhere.

28:09That's an emergency.

28:12And whatever this emergency is, you use the funds for that because the alternative is swiping a credit card, getting

28:20a personal loan, and going back into debt.

28:22So we need to do whatever we need to do to make sure that we don't get into consumer debt,

28:27hospitalizations, loss of job, a major appliance breaks down.

28:36You have, you know, a major home repair issue, car issue, family issue.

28:46I've even heard of some situations where there's been a death in a family and now you need to go

28:51ahead and get on a plane to go, you know, cross country somewhere.

28:56That's an emergency.

28:58You save for the emergency fund.

29:01That's why it's called an emergency fund.

29:03This is not because you want to go on vacation.

29:05This is not an account that you want to go ahead and help somebody else because they don't even know

29:09how to help themselves.

29:11Absolutely not.

29:12Keep your emergency savings fund for what it is labeled and what it's titled for, an emergency.

29:20And this part is even more disturbing.

29:24You have postponed paying down your own debt because something always comes up.

29:34You postpone paying down your own debt because something always comes up.

29:38The question I have to ask is for who?

29:43What comes up?

29:44Is it your issue that comes up?

29:47Is it your car repair?

29:49Is it your home repair?

29:50Is it your bills that need to be paid?

29:52Or are you telling me about somebody else that doesn't want to pay for their own stuff and can't pay

29:57for their own self because they don't have the mental fortitude?

30:01They don't have the spiritual discipline to follow through.

30:08This is a situation here.

30:13Now, you said you don't know if you're being supportive or irresponsible.

30:19Well, I'm going to help you out right there.

30:21You're not being supportive at all.

30:23And anybody out there listening, you're not being supportive at all when you are just shelling out money and giving

30:29money to family members, friends, people who are not following.

30:35The proper protocol, the proper discipline, the proper structure to show any signs that they're even trying to make a

30:45change.

30:46You're not being supportive, giving money, helping somebody out that is still being reckless is not supportive.

30:54That is very irresponsible and it will always backfire most of the time.

31:02Some people say, oh, well, if only I had, you know, a raise on my job, if only, you know,

31:09I won the lottery, if only, you know, I came into a big lump sum of money.

31:14And the answer is no, that ain't it.

31:19If only, and should that happen, all you're going to do is create even more debt, more issues, because you

31:28haven't become the person that could even maintain or sustain any of that.

31:35So you are being very irresponsible funding somebody else's situation.

31:43And I mean, just think about it.

31:46If you take it to the top of all of the things that you've done, a bill here or there,

31:52a car note, whenever she came, came up short, a credit card payments here or there.

32:01The question that I have to ask is, did it fix the situation or are we still here talking about

32:05it?

32:05Because the first time you did it, did it fix the situation?

32:08The second time, the third time, the fourth time, did it fix the situation?

32:14Today, I'm a firm believer of when people show you who they are, we need to believe them the first

32:19time, not the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth time.

32:24When people show you who they are from day one, we ought to believe them.

32:30A lesson that was so hard for me to learn, but I'm so thankful that I have it today because

32:34you only have to show me once.

32:37And I'm not saying that every day is a perfect day.

32:40Sometimes we could, you know, want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

32:43There's nothing wrong with that.

32:45You know, having that great level of discernment, there's nothing wrong with that.

32:51You want to give people the benefit of doubt because you already know who they are because they showed you.

32:56They told you the first time they showed you their actions speak louder than words.

33:01You can give people a second chance, but don't forget the first time that they showed you exactly who they

33:06are.

33:06So if it happens the second time, don't get all bent out of shape.

33:10Just remember and say, OK, listen.

33:13Yeah, I remember that this person showed me from the first time I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

33:18But let me go ahead and, you know, move a little bit differently now that I know for sure, because

33:23if you didn't know the first time, you know about the second time.

33:27Now, if we are still having the same conversation, six scenarios down the road, then shame on you because you

33:34should already know better.

33:35When people show you who they are the first time, we ought to believe them and stop trying to shape,

33:43change, mold, dictate, push, shove, whatever we think that we can do to try to shape and mold them into

33:51the person that we want them to be.

33:54We can't make them be anything than other than the person who they already are.

33:59And the minute that you get that lesson right there, the minute that you learn that situation right there, that

34:06scenario right there, it's a game changer.

34:09It truly is a game changer.

34:11I don't know who I'm speaking to.

34:12I'm only speaking from real life experiences.

34:14But majority of the time, most of the time, when it came to friends, when it came to relationships, when

34:22it came to even people that I work with on my jobs and in general,

34:26I was always the type of person that thought that I can go ahead and change another individual with the

34:34lack of discipline within self to be able to look in a mirror and know that the only person that

34:41I truly can change on this God's green earth here and this planet here is myself.

34:49That one right there, game changer when I figured that out, game changer.

35:00Now, you want to know, how do you love someone without letting their lack of discipline become your financial burden?

35:08And that question right there is deep.

35:12It's simple.

35:14I know it may not seem simple at first.

35:16It may look and sound very challenging.

35:21Again, I've been there before.

35:25When you want to love somebody, but you're got wrapped up, you got trapped up, you're found out that the

35:35person that you are head over heels for, you probably shouldn't be with that person.

35:40And this is why before we get too deep, before we jump in head first, before we get right on

35:47into it, we ought to sit back and evaluate the whole situation.

35:54Make sure we get to know this person before we just get go all in, before we just start doing

36:01the most.

36:02Because once you start opening up doors, once you start doing extra sharing and staying over and sleeping over and

36:13all this extra stuff, and these soul ties start to form and become a thing, it could be an interesting

36:25battle to undo those things spiritually.

36:29And then in some cases, when we undo those things, and we're not necessarily with that person, some of their

36:38poor habits can follow us and carry on with us into the next situation, into the next chapter in our

36:47lives.

36:50So how do you love someone without letting their lack of discipline become your financial burden?

36:56My answer is, you're going to sometimes you might need to love somebody from a distance.

37:01You don't.

37:03You don't let their lack of discipline become your financial burden because this is not your responsibility.

37:08That is not your responsibility to take on somebody else's issue.

37:14Again, I don't know who I'm speaking to.

37:16I'm only speaking from real life experiences.

37:18But I have taken the burden in the past of somebody else's nonsense, and I was the one who couldn't

37:25sleep good at night because I took on their situation.

37:30Not one time, not two times, but three times in my life, and almost a fourth time in my life.

37:36Absolutely not.

37:37We are not doing this again.

37:38And I don't know who I'm speaking to, like I said, but I'm not doing that today.

37:48Now, easier said than done.

37:50You can just take this situation and you can run with it and say, okay, I got it.

37:53But most of the time, when you are so in love and, you know, like, what's the record?

38:01Okay, of course, my girl Mary, J. Blige, be happy.

38:05When you think you're in love, y'all know the record?

38:11You only see what you see.

38:13And all I see is me for you and you for me.

38:15See, sometimes, even though you get this information, because you're still in it, you're not out of it, you're still

38:26in it.

38:28See, I'm out of it.

38:29You're still in it.

38:30So you don't see what I see and vice versa.

38:35Although, especially, I don't know what this whole dynamic of this relationship is.

38:39The only thing I can do is just look back at my own situations.

38:41But, like Mary says, when you think you're in love, that ain't real love.

38:50You think that you're in love.

38:51Because if it was real love, that person would love themselves enough to know that what they're doing to you

38:58is taking advantage of the situation.

39:00And this is not the right thing to do.

39:03But when you think you're in love, you only see what you want to see.

39:09And all I see is me for you and you for me.

39:12So no matter what anybody says, until your eyes are opened up and you actually see what's really going on,

39:19you may not get it.

39:22So this may not be the end all, be all right here.

39:26You might have to go through your own, you know, tests and trials and letdowns or whatever.

39:34I mean, you've done enough so far, but who knows what's going to be that next situation, that next letdown

39:44that will become your financial rock bottom.

39:49You already said that you're having a situation and a time paying down your own debt.

39:55So if you get jammed up so much to where you can't even take care of your own situation and

40:01bill collectors and things are happening.

40:04And the worst case scenario, repossessions or evictions or anything could happen.

40:14Loss of job.

40:16Because a lot of this stuff that you take on here, this could potentially affect the way you show up

40:21at work, the way you show up in the physical realm, because you might be exhausted and drained from the

40:28stress.

40:28And I mean, so you understand where this can go.

40:32You see what this scenario could possibly be.

40:37Don't let it happen.

40:39Don't take her lack of discipline and don't let that become your financial burden, because it could be it could

40:49be a situation.

40:51Wow, this is a lot.

40:55So, anybody out there, if you have anything different, you want to chime in on tonight's scenario, as we helped,

41:08you know, Mr. Adrian out, if you have anything different, please do me a favor.

41:13Drop it in the comments.

41:15Let me know.

41:16Use your virtual voice.

41:17You may also go ahead and text me at 609-200-1098.

41:23That is the official 411 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

41:28Again, that number is 609-200-1098.

41:33Let me know how you feel about tonight's scenario.

41:37And we're going to go ahead and get into burning questions.

41:41Again, that number is 609-200-1098.

41:47That is the official 411 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

41:56Burning questions for reflections.

41:59Are you building a partnership or underwriting someone else's instability?

42:07Are you building a partnership or underwriting someone else's instability?

42:15Now, I want you to think about tonight's episode.

42:19I want you to think back to what Adrian had going on in his world.

42:26I want you to also think back of some of the things that I've shared with you.

42:31Now, now it's time where we go ahead and look in, turn in, because everything starts with self.

42:43Look at your own situation.

42:46Look at your own scenario.

42:48Look at your life.

42:51If you're unhappy, and you're tuning in, and you're listening, and some of this stuff resonates with you, and it

43:00sounds oh so familiar, this is where we need to ask ourselves the question, are you building a partnership?

43:09Now, what does the keyword partnership mean?

43:12That's a partner.

43:14That's not just one person.

43:15That's two people building something together.

43:18So are you building a partnership with somebody?

43:22Is this a team?

43:24Is this working?

43:26Is this that 50-50 that I was speaking about earlier?

43:29Or are you underwriting someone else's instability?

43:33Are you basically fueling the fire?

43:35Are you basically being somebody else's crutch?

43:38Are you being somebody else's meal ticket?

43:41That's what they used to say back in the day.

43:47Are you building a partnership?

43:50Or are you underwriting someone else's instability?

43:54Please go ahead and let me know how you feel about tonight's burning question.

43:59You may certainly email me, info at laryngaines.com.

44:04You can text me at 609-200-1098.

44:10Again, that is the official 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

44:15And you can also DM me on any of my social media platforms.

44:21I am on Facebook, Instagram, X, YouTube, TikTok, DLive, Twitch, and Dailymotion.

44:31Let me know how you feel about tonight's scenario, tonight's burning question, tonight's episode.

44:39Track 12, Stop Financing Your Relationship.

44:46If anything that you heard tonight sparked some sort of interest in you, if you were interested in learning more

44:54about debt-free living, head on over to laryngaines.com.

44:59You can sign up for the free 15-minute consultation.

45:03You can apply to see if you qualify for the coaching sessions.

45:07I focus on debt-free living from the spiritual, mental, physical, and financial realm.

45:16Again, you can sign up for the free 15-minute consultation at laryngaines.com.

45:21I also have a lot of free resources as well that you can use and learn up on the website

45:29at laryngaines.com.

45:32And I have a lot of different tools and checklists and financial startup packages.

45:43So just go ahead and head on over to laryngaines.com.

45:46Look around.

45:48I'm sure you might find something on there that might help you on your debt-free living journey.

45:52And again, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me directly.

45:56You can text me, you can DM me, and you can email me and let me know how I could

46:02be of some support to you.

46:05If you like tonight's episode, you want to learn how you can sit at the table.

46:13If you want a seat at the table on this mentorship series, please reach out as well.

46:19I would love to have someone else join the team with me here on Coaching Sessions Thursday.

46:29We have Spiritual Sundays.

46:32We have Mental Mondays.

46:35We have Transformational Tuesdays.

46:37We have Wine Down Wednesdays.

46:40Of course, we're here tonight on Coaching Sessions Thursdays.

46:44And then we have Financial Fridays.

46:46So if you are interested in joining any of these nights here, you know, again, please go ahead and reach

46:52out.

46:53And the official 411 Podcast Reading Between the Wines hotline.

46:59Check us out where most podcasts are at, where your major podcast platforms are at.

47:07Search for the 411 Podcast Reading Between the Wines.

47:10And we should be there.

47:11And if we are not, then again, let me know what's going on.

47:15Where you're trying to listen to the show at.

47:19And we most certainly will go ahead and try to get that set up.

47:23Very special shout out to Spotify.

47:26Thank you so much to the people out there on Facebook.

47:29I appreciate you.

47:31YouTube.

47:32Thank you so much.

47:35And on this note, I want to say thank you all so much for joining in.

47:43I most certainly will see you when I see you on the next episode.

47:47And until then, I'll see you when I see you.

47:52Take care.

47:53Have a good night.

48:065, 4, 3, 2, 1.

48:11And that's a wrap on today's episode of the 411 Podcast and Reading Between the Wines,

48:16where growth is always on the menu, and every pour reveals a little more truth.

48:21The conversation doesn't end here.

48:24Have something to say?

48:26Want to weigh in on tonight's burning questions?

48:28Text us anytime at the official 411 Podcast and Reading Between the Wines hotline at 609-200-1098.

48:38Stay plugged in across all social media platforms at Laring Gains.

48:42We're live and in the conversation on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLive, Twitch, and Dailymotion.

48:51Prefer to listen on the go?

48:53The audio version is streaming on most major podcast outlets.

48:57Until we meet again, take what you've learned, sip slow, speak truth, and remember,

49:03transformation starts within.

49:05Powered by the Black Diamond Consultations Network.

49:42Powered by the Black Diamond Consultations Network.

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Stop Financing Your Relationship | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 12)

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