- 1 day ago
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FunTranscript
00:01Well, first job of the day is to have a meeting with the commissioner today
00:05and to talk about funding, or further funding, for the operation.
00:09It's the last chance we really have to finance the operation properly.
00:13And I'm confident. I'm pretty cool and confident about it.
00:17After all, the open day went rather well.
00:19So let's go and see.
00:22Oi!
00:23What? F***ing look where you're going, you dickhead!
00:27You should look where you're going.
00:29Don't talk to me like that! I'm a police officer!
00:32I don't give a f***ing you are!
00:32Pick your bike up and get on your bike!
00:34F*** sake.
00:38Dickhead.
01:04The good guy.
01:06The good guy.
01:26Just wanted to say something new bcn роб.
01:27Emily what you doing!? Get over here Now!!!
01:29We were talking!
01:31Sorry, I've just had something to do...
01:33Right, explain then.
01:35Well, the commissioner's withdrawing the funds, and... the... the whole game's up.
01:38It's over, the operation's over.
01:40It's not over till I say it's over...
01:41Stab!
01:43And who are these the two?
01:44Hi.
01:45Hi.
01:46Hello accountants.
01:48Hi.
01:49Hi.
01:50Hi.
01:51What's the point?
01:55When I say it's over, it's over.
01:57The barrel is dry.
01:58What are you wearing?
01:59I've got it up next.
02:00Do you like it?
02:01Those of you with any modern intelligence will notice that we don't have furniture anymore.
02:12I'm speaking, if you want to speak, put your hand up in the unit.
02:15And sit down!
02:21Down.
02:22A lot of people in this situation...
02:24Let's all get cross-legged and straighten back, can't we please?
02:27Put this up.
02:29Cross-legged, please.
02:31Cross-legged, please.
02:35Sir.
02:36We'll tighten off, then.
02:37Thank you for that.
02:39Wait.
02:40Get in the corner.
02:41Now.
02:43You stand up!
02:46Get in the corner.
02:49That's where naughty boys go.
02:51They're cheeky.
02:52They go in corners.
02:54Now.
02:55That corner, now.
03:00The other way around!
03:01I'm facing the wall!
03:05Ideas, please.
03:07No.
03:08No.
03:09No.
03:09No.
03:09So, we have no funds left at all.
03:12No.
03:13So what do we need a single-servant accounting for?
03:18Very, very good point.
03:21Lake, be in the room, please.
03:23Alright.
03:24And to me.
03:26So, so...
03:29What do we do when we want to speak?
03:32What do we do?
03:33First, we put our hand under it.
03:35Time to do now.
03:36Time to do now.
03:37Time to do now.
03:37It's 20.
03:37It's 25.
03:40That's dead, right?
03:41Yeah, of course we can.
03:42Go to Versace!
03:43Oh, you took Versace!
03:45Go to Versace!
03:46Go to Versace!
03:46Go to Versace!
03:48Let's go.
04:02What's going on?
04:03Where's all the bloody money gone?
04:04It's 20p.
04:05Where's that C&C money gone?
04:06I took it.
04:07It's supposed to be about 10 a bit.
04:07You did what?
04:08I took it.
04:09What for?
04:10For the phone.
04:11It's £4.36 short.
04:12Someone's been putting Spanish...
04:14What, the phone?
04:15Yeah.
04:21It had to come from somewhere.
04:22This is the last source of...
04:23So we're suffering from someone else's crime?
04:26Yeah.
04:26Yeah, you are.
04:26Cheers.
04:27Check it out.
04:29He's unwell.
04:32What do we get for 20p?
04:41Displaced.
04:41Not displaced, but just different.
04:44Yeah.
04:45The empty feeling.
04:46Feeling poor.
04:47Yeah.
04:48Yeah, a bit of newspaper in the corner.
04:49So I could all do a bit of toilet on it.
04:51And then, like, absorb it.
04:52Cause that's how I ran it.
04:53Oh, come on.
04:55Oh.
05:06You alright, Spice?
05:07Look, I'm a pail mate.
05:12You've been...
05:13You've been...
05:13You had a drink, Mark?
05:15No.
05:16What's with your fingers, man?
05:20Oh, look, all the papers double join in.
05:23Ray!
05:24Sir?
05:24Ray, where's the tablet?
05:27Where are the tablets, Ray?
05:29Yeah, prescription tempestation.
05:30You don't want to die for it.
05:31I'm having another one now.
05:32Can you find them?
05:33I will.
05:35Go, find them, please.
05:36I really don't think you should...
05:37You don't mind.
05:37You'd be so kind.
05:40It's tough enough that a human is sweeter.
05:43Can I ask something?
05:47Why has only the ART got coffee and we only...
05:49Yeah, exactly.
05:50Why are you guys...
05:50We're alarming countries.
05:52They don't use toilet paper at all.
05:54Now.
05:55What are you doing on coffee?
05:56They wipe with one hand in a shower and they eat with the other.
06:01It's because...
06:01Because you keep it to yourself.
06:03You're not sharing.
06:03We always keep it to yourself.
06:04And they always keep their nails trimmed.
06:07What do you mean I look like a spider?
06:08Listen, ask me sensibly.
06:10How many did you take?
06:11I'm sorry.
06:12I'm sorry.
06:12We always keep it to yourself.
06:12Two.
06:13Two?
06:14Where did you find them?
06:16Over there.
06:17I was just lying about to...
06:18What did you take them for?
06:19I don't.
06:20Honestly, man.
06:20What did you take them for?
06:21Please.
06:22What did you take them for?
06:25I don't know.
06:26I just took a...
06:26They're not headache tablets, Mark.
06:28They're the governor's prescription.
06:30You could have killed yourself.
06:44No, it wasn't.
06:45No, it wasn't.
06:45No, not 20 quid.
06:4620 quid is at the beginning...
06:4720 quid for a cup of coffee is ridiculous.
06:48No, Gary.
06:4920 quid is at the beginning of the week on a Monday.
07:07Look, give him here.
07:08Bones.
07:09Just give him a break.
07:10He's alive.
07:11He's a mare.
07:12Right.
07:13The pulse is normal.
07:14He's following his pads down.
07:15His chest is rising up and down properly.
07:18Take the other side.
07:19Keep the heat on his head.
07:20You have to keep...
07:20Don't let the heat escape.
07:21Let me take my bar.
07:23I don't want that in any mother-wise.
07:24Yeah, but the heat...
07:24You've got to keep the heat in, baby.
07:26It's feathers, and they're well known for keeping the heat in.
07:28Because, like, it's like a big bird.
07:29No.
07:30No strings.
07:31Open up the toilet.
07:32Right.
07:33Right, guys.
07:34I hate to do this to you, but it's Christmas club money.
07:37Only 24 weeks to Christmas.
07:39I think you should contribute.
07:39When are you going to pay us our overtime?
07:41Nah, well, you know, you don't have lots of money at Christmas, so I think you should
07:43do all your coffee.
07:44Do you get your Christmas present early?
07:45That's a nice suit, isn't it?
07:47It is nice, isn't it?
07:48Two pound a hedge, you said?
07:49Yeah, sorry.
07:49I've got you paying two, two, three.
07:50See, this is the problem.
07:51This is the problem.
07:52Do you know what I mean?
07:53Communication, right?
07:54You've got to get it right.
07:54Where's the book where you write it all down?
07:56No, trust me.
07:57No.
07:59Someone remembered the date, because I'm sure it was less than a month ago he came home
08:02before.
08:03I know.
08:05It's, um...
08:06Yeah, I'm not going to be able to quite late.
08:09But when I, yeah, but when I do come home, I'm going to have to tell you something, Rita,
08:12and I'll have to tell you that, um, you know, it's, uh, what?
08:15What?
08:16Give me someone at the door.
08:18Hold on.
08:20Someone at the door.
08:21I thought you were going to tell her it was over.
08:23You don't fucking miss me.
08:24Are you alright?
08:24But I've got to do it in my own time.
08:25She's going to suck up.
08:26It's been you a long time.
08:27I've given you weeks.
08:28Just...
08:29What do you think, Mum?
08:31I'm absolutely buzzing out of my trolley.
08:34Yeah?
08:34Oh, yeah.
08:35What are you sort of?
08:36Up or down or...
08:37Both, mate.
08:38Absolutely just...
08:39I don't know.
08:40I'm just rocking.
08:41Oh.
08:43Have you got any left?
08:44You promised you were going to tell her on the phone now!
08:47Listen, listen, listen.
08:48We've got the rest of our lives together, alright?
08:50If this is going to work, alright?
08:51We've got the rest of our lives together, alright?
08:53There's no need to worry, alright?
08:54There's no...
08:54There's no need to worry about any of that, alright?
08:56Just...
08:57Just...
08:57Just hold me.
08:58Hold me nice and tight.
09:00Oh, hi, guys.
09:00Come on in, come on in.
09:01Hi.
09:02Yeah, have some champagne.
09:03Maz?
09:04Hi.
09:05Cheers.
09:05Cheers.
09:06Cheers.
09:07Cheers.
09:08Cheers.
09:14Have one, have one.
09:14You're on duty all the time.
09:16Celebrate with us, come on.
09:17Cheers.
09:18Operation Good Guys.
09:19Operation Good Guys.
09:21Yeah.
09:21Top man.
09:23Mmm.
09:25Nice, sweet, isn't it?
09:26Cheers, guys.
09:29OK.
09:30Everyone.
09:32Straight over around.
09:33Straight over.
09:40I've called this meeting.
09:42I think, um...
09:44Most of you have probably already guessed.
09:48That we've had the official line from 12 o'clock tomorrow.
09:53Operation Good Guys.
09:56It's cancer.
09:57Oh, great.
09:59That's a great idea.
10:00Now, it's been a great shock and a great disappointment to us all.
10:06The Governor's obviously very upset, so what I would suggest is you all have the day off.
10:13Come back bright and early tomorrow and the Governor will give you his official debriefing.
10:19And I think we normally get in regard to the children.
10:21And I'm sorry.
10:28It's about right.
10:31It's about right.
10:31It's about right.
10:32It's about right.
10:32It's about right.
10:36It's about right.
10:47We fly north over Iceland, Greenland, down into Canada over Saskatchewan and Saskatoon.
11:37So it just leads me to saying sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of your flight.
11:41Cabin crew, tools manual.
11:44Gentlemen, Kim, Ray, can you help me?
11:49Thanks for coming. I have in my hand here a piece of paper.
11:53Perhaps the camera can get that because I'd rather like to have this on record.
11:58It's a postcard, a simple postcard from Spain, from our friend Roy Layton.
12:03I'll read it to you. It says,
12:05Dear D, I **** off you **** off you **** off off you ****.
12:11Come and get me if you're big enough. Love you ****, Roy.
12:14P.S. I've taken all your money.
12:18Yes. That's charming, isn't it?
12:21What's happened? Our friend Mr. Layton has run off with all the funding for Operation Good Guys and is now
12:30residing in Spain with a suitcase full of money.
12:38What answer is there to give? They say a lot of money went missing, but what's that got to do
12:43with me?
12:43I happen to take early retirement and move to Spain to improve my golf at exactly the same time as
12:48that money went missing, but they haven't proved it have they?
12:51This card totally exonerates all of you, all of us. I don't view this operation as being a failure at
13:00all. I think we've been the victim of somebody who has no scruples, doesn't know the meaning of the word
13:08honesty. I think you can all be very, very proud of yourselves indeed.
13:15And if anybody wants to come and try and get me out of this country, well, I've got a lot
13:18of important friends. A lot of important friends. No names, no pack drill, but a lot of important friends.
13:23I think I'm gutted. I think we're all gutted because...
13:26Well, we tried our hardest. We tried our hardest. I think we were just beginning at the jail, weren't we?
13:30Yeah.
13:31It's like a band, isn't it? It takes time for the chemistry.
13:34It was coming together.
13:35To come together. And we were just getting there and some slimeball accountant who I never liked. Did you like,
13:40you know, that late?
13:42No, I mean, he had a bad taste in his dress as well. It's ruined it for us because we
13:46didn't have any money to do anything with.
13:47We had a bit of bad luck. A few little foul-ups, I suppose. We'd have to hold our hands
13:52up to that, but...
13:54Nice card he sent us, though, weren't it?
13:56So what would you do if you met Roy down the street?
14:00We'd do it. Arrest him. Arrest him, weren't we?
14:04Well, he'd hang him, I'd arrest him. In that order. Yeah.
14:07Well, first of all, thank you for coming, and well done for finding us here in Europe.
14:13Not many people do track us down here at Interpol. We like to keep ourselves to ourselves.
14:20Well, I've looked at the tapes that you've sent, and clearly they are extraordinarily convincing and very interesting.
14:26And I would not be doing my job if I didn't say that we will take and hope to take
14:33some action from that.
14:34And I think you have put up a very convincing case.
14:38Because we know in certain countries of the world that business is fuelled by what we in the West might
14:44regard as underhand, bribery, whatever you call it.
14:49I don't like to call it bribery, but I think we've got to have different standards for different things.
14:55If I make myself clear, which I hope I don't.
15:02Because if there's one thing that you've got, it's a trust in each other.
15:08And that trust only comes about by being honest with each other.
15:15And Smythe and MacArthur, myself, really appreciate you putting off the documentary film crew.
15:20And all that you've done for us, isn't it, Smythe?
15:21Yes.
15:22And with a small appreciation for you, Smythe.
15:37Bones, what do you think of me?
15:40Well, I think that you're fantastically firm, but fair, sir.
15:46Honestly.
15:47You see what I mean?
15:52Mark, what do you think about it?
15:56What do you mean?
15:58No.
15:59Your opinion of your colleague is all right.
16:03No, we haven't seen the last of each other for a day either, because we're going to get together later
16:08for a bit of a party.
16:09I think you all deserve that, at least.
16:12And I promise you, at that party, I'm going to be very honest with you.
16:19I'd like to see you later. Bye-bye.
16:21Thank you, sir.
16:29I'm very pleased you all made it this evening.
16:32I want you to enjoy yourselves.
16:34There's someone now...
16:36Quiet at the back, please.
16:37There's someone now I would personally like to introduce.
16:42You've known him for something different.
16:45But tonight, he wants to be introduced.
16:48Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Sylvia La Plage!
17:00Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a night for being honest.
17:05Music maestro!
17:10I am my own special profession.
17:17So, come take a look.
17:20Give me the hook or the ovation.
17:24It's my world that I want to take a little pride in.
17:29My world and it's not a place for me to hide in.
17:33I want the back till you can shout out,
17:37I am what I am.
17:55So, what did you think of that then?
17:58I was just saying to the boys that I almost knew.
18:03It's come as a surprise, but I had an idea.
18:07I think it's pretty
18:09And so right
18:11If I love each bauble and each bangles
18:15I just think...
18:16I'm stunned. I can't believe it.
18:19To be honest, I think...
18:22I mean, it's funny.
18:23I mean, he's saying about honesty.
18:25I think it's wrong though.
18:25I don't particularly agree with men dressing up with women.
18:28I don't particularly think...
18:30I'm being honest.
18:31What do you want me to do? It's true.
18:32Personally, I don't think that men dressing up as women is normal.
18:36But fair play to him.
18:37I'll tell you why.
18:38He's got some guts.
18:38Because he won't get me in a pair of tights.
18:40You know what I mean?
18:40What?
18:40I feel my own death
18:42Sometimes he hates
18:44Sometimes the juices
18:46One life
18:48And there's no returning
18:50No deposit
18:51One life, so it's
18:53To open up the closet
18:55I don't understand
18:57Till you shout out
19:00I am
19:01What I am
19:03That was the boss
19:04Is that the boss on the stage?
19:07He's laughing
19:08Shut up
19:10It was a woman
19:12The woman you got from
19:14Shut up
19:15He's actually the boss that was on
19:17Oh
19:17I don't know about that
19:41Ladies and gentlemen, Sylvia La Clowns!
19:48There comes a time, I think, in everybody's life
19:50When it's right
19:52It's the right thing to do
19:53Okay, things weren't going as, you know, to plan
19:57So the time was right for me
19:59And here we are
20:00And we're all going to have a good time, aren't we?
20:01Yes!
20:03Yes, Sylvia La Clowns!
20:03And it's my round, but I can't find me wallet
20:10Reminded me of Les Dawson
20:12I thought, when he first came on, I thought he was a bird, you know
20:15He was a woman
20:17The weird thing was, he actually looked like he was enjoying himself
20:19Did you think so?
20:21I honestly didn't know it as the Governor when he first came on
20:24Well, I thought he was really good
20:26Well, do you approve of your Governor being a cross-dresser?
20:28Do you not enjoy it?
20:30What?
20:30Yeah
20:30I think it was great
20:31You proved that?
20:32Yeah
20:33Do you not enjoy it?
20:35Listen, we were quite shocked, it was fun, it was a bit of fun
20:38Yeah, it was a bit of fun
20:39I hope he doesn't go any further
20:40I think he's got a great voice
20:41I thought it was just fun
20:42Fantastic voice
20:44I've got the highest respect for DI Beach
20:47And I've got the highest respect for Sylvia La Plage
20:50And, er, whatever Sir or Madam wants to be
20:54In my eyes, he'll be one
20:57It was a bit of a surprise at first, but
21:01I think that, actually, it's quite attractive, isn't it?
21:06Well, you could have at least shaved your back
21:07Sorry, it was a bit sticky
21:09I'm sweating
21:11Was this made for you?
21:12Bill's got a natural touch with dresses, isn't it?
21:15There we go
21:16I am absolutely elated
21:19And, er, God bless Sylvia, that's all I can say, God bless
21:24Catching all that on the floor, mate
21:27What are we going to do with you?
21:30Yeah, well, you know that
21:31Never mind the boss
21:32I mean, the boss is happy
21:33I mean, the boss is happy and happy with himself
21:34But, I tell you what
21:36I mean, this is what I call a happy ending, right?
21:38Cause, you know
21:39Back with my wife
21:41Did you deliberately come out to ruin my night, did you?
21:44Is that what you've tried to do, Gary?
21:45Ruin my evening?
21:46And last evening together as a team
21:48And you've come out and ruined it
21:49What on earth is she doing here?
21:51She's my wife
21:52Yeah, and what are you doing back together?
21:54Jennifer, you promised me that you were going to stay with me, not with her
21:57We're going to go away
21:59To the Bahamas
22:01Yes, and
22:03Maybe have a
22:04Have a baby
22:07You're going to go, are you?
22:08I'm sorry, alright
22:09Go on then, Gary
22:10Don't start no trouble in there now, right?
22:11I ain't going to start no trouble
22:12Don't get all glint close on me now, alright?
22:14Go on, go on
22:14Go off, go on
22:16I'll go
22:16Can I just tell you one more thing, Gary, before you go through that door
22:20I'm heavy with your child
22:22What do you say?
22:24What can I say?
22:25It's
22:26It's
22:27It's release
22:28Erm
22:29It's such a fantastic feeling
22:30Not
22:31I mean, not just to have everybody support me
22:33In the way that they have done
22:34You saw that out there
22:35It was
22:36Fabulous
22:37And
22:37Nails
22:38Falling off
22:41Erm
22:41But also, just to be honest
22:43And
22:44Know that I'm being honest with myself
22:46And my team have been honest
22:47With themselves
22:49And with me
22:50And
22:51Loyal
22:52Loyalty
22:52I mean
22:54It's just
22:55It's incredible
22:58Excuse me
23:03And if they
23:04Carry on
23:05With that
23:06Honesty
23:07And truth
23:07Throughout their careers
23:09They will do terribly wrong
23:10And if I
23:12Have played any part
23:13In
23:14Making them
23:15The officers that they are
23:16Then I'm happy
23:19I'm so happy tonight
23:23Can we turn it off?
23:25Please
23:26Do you mind?
23:30We're just
23:32A couple
23:34Of friends
23:35We're just
23:37We travel
23:38As well together
23:40Taking
23:41All the bands
23:43Up
23:44And down
23:45It's the way
23:47Fate goes
23:48Life throws
23:50The punches
23:51And
23:52I give the blows
23:54My blood
23:56And I
23:57Life throws
23:57Are a couple
23:59Of gay
23:59O-chums
24:01We've got
24:02The high life
24:03So
24:04Who needs
24:05The gals?
24:09We are
24:10Amigos
24:11Cause I go
24:12Where he goes
24:12And he goes
24:13Where I goes
24:14Cause we are
24:15Amigos
24:15We're just
24:17A couple
24:18Of pals
24:28We're a couple
24:29Of pals
24:37We're a couple
24:38A couple
24:39Of pals
24:43I'm gonna say goodnight to you first
24:59What we must realise
25:00The lesson to be learnt is
25:02It's never over
25:04Till it's over
25:04This isn't the end
25:06It's just the beginning
25:08And
25:08Okay
25:09We haven't got any more funding of course
25:11Because a certain Mr Layton
25:13Ran away with it
25:15But we're gonna look elsewhere
25:16For funding now
25:18We might go to the city
25:20As Ray suggested
25:21We may go into Europe
25:22We could even go across the ocean
25:24To find funding
25:25Private funding
25:25But that man
25:27Layton
25:28And
25:29More importantly
25:30McCarthy
25:31Will not escape my reach
25:33I will get them
25:34This is not
25:35Tony Blair
25:35Ray
25:36Ray
25:37Please
25:38Go on
25:39Ray
25:40Keep a lid on it
25:42Sorry
25:44We will get these people
25:45They will be brought to book
25:47And I'm gonna be right there
25:49On the front row
25:50When it happens
25:55I think I've found a new career path
26:01Strings Brothers Band
26:03They're called Feely Booth
26:04I'm gonna manage them
26:06Just go part time in the police
26:07Go back to the specials
26:09For the occasional punch up
26:11Do you remember
26:14When we were couple kids
26:17Well the truth is
26:19We do have
26:19We had a cracking squad
26:20A cracking squad
26:22Yes
26:22We had funding
26:23But it was spirited away
26:24Who spirited it
26:26Well an accountant
26:26An accountant
26:28An accountant
26:28Yes
26:29When we were three footers
26:32Hello I'm Victor Kayab
26:35You know I've got the smallest hair dryer made
26:38It is absolutely marvelous
26:40Called Travel Smart
26:41It'll fit in a woman's purse
26:43And I've got the most marvelous hygienic clipper
26:46For nose and ear hair
26:48Those two things I love to sell
26:50But Operation Good Guys
26:52I could not sell that to anybody
27:01I think actually
27:02I've been thinking about it
27:03And I reckon
27:04I'm gonna co-manage the band
27:06I think Bones is interested in
27:07Doing something with me
27:09Now we're a bit of a loose end for a while
27:10So I think we'll do a co-management thing
27:13Oi
27:14What?
27:14You're my assistant
27:16No
27:17No it's not
27:18No no no no
27:19You're my assistant
27:20I'm managing them
27:21You're my assistant
27:23Well we'll see about that one
27:29This is my brother's band player
27:31I'm helping him out a bit
27:32But really it's down to them
27:33My performing days are over now
27:35That's a big crap
27:35Yeah
27:36Oh yeah
27:36Big crap
27:37Big crap
27:37Big crap
27:37Yeah
27:38Big crap
27:38Big crap
27:45Big crap
27:47We've got a cab
27:48Yeah
27:48We have transport
27:49Do we?
27:50We've got a million dollars
27:53I've got a million dollars
27:55you're a cheeky boy
27:57see you lads, goodnight
27:58you have a good night
28:17see ya
28:27I'm gonna get you
28:34There we go
28:36That's it
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