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00:02Oh, more Christmas cards. Good heavens. So many friends. Just a minute. That makes 112.
00:19That must be a record. If anyone else down the avenue starts boasting about how many
00:25Christmas cards they've had, I trust you'll remember my record. Yes, madam. Because you're
00:31only temporary. My regular postman, he would know best where to mention my record of 112.
00:38I'll pass the word around. Good. I'll tell everybody. Don't have to do it. I was never
00:43one to boast. And a merry Christmas.
00:54Oh, more Christmas cards. Are they genuine or are they more of those you've written to
00:59yourself? I regard it as a service to those people who may have misplaced my address.
01:09I'm sure they'd like to think they'd sent me a card. Now just put those up, will you, dear?
01:19Oh, holy bed. The McKay residence, the lady of the house speaking. Sheridan, how lovely
01:27to hear from you, dear. He's had all the Christmas money he's getting.
01:32No, it's mentioned money. He's just ringing his mummy. Yes, dear, it's going to be the usual
01:38hectic Christmas. Popularity has its penalties. I've already had to find room for 112 cards.
01:48And this'll be the first Christmas without you, dear. I don't know how mummy will cope.
01:52If you ask for more money, I don't know how daddy will cope.
01:56Well, I knew that one day you'd grow up and leave us. You call this leaving us?
02:01Yes. Only I didn't realise you'd be going quite so far away. Oh, yes, I think it's splendid
02:09of you and Tarquin to go and help rebuild Romania. But do wear something warm, dear. You need
02:15how much? Well, bring me from Romania and reverse the charges.
02:28Richard is walking about the garden, beating himself on the head. Oh, he often does that.
02:34I'm not surprised. If I had to live with Hyacinth, I think I'd often do that. Sometimes after
02:40I've been there, I find myself doing that. Oh, Richard. A man needs a break. After all,
02:48it is Christmas. Are you sure about this? The old folks will be when you're distributing
02:54their gifts. And do try and show a little Christmas enthusiasm, Richard.
03:02I feel such a fool. Well, and not only the old folks, dear. I want you to be the star
03:09turn
03:10at my Boxing Day candlelight supper for our special guest. I want you to be the surprise.
03:16Oh, I will be. I can see it now. During the proceedings, I want you to slip away quietly.
03:23I sometimes think about slipping away quietly. And return as Father Christmas.
03:30I can just see Onslow's face when he sees me in this.
03:34I'm not going to all this trouble for Onslow.
03:37No, don't be safe. Onslow and my family will come as usual on Christmas Eve.
03:43Oh, you decided then?
03:45They are my family. And I love them dearly.
03:49Especially at this time of year when it gets dark early.
03:53See, they think I can cope when they're in the house.
03:58It's when they're arriving and especially leaving.
04:02Onslow's rarely in a condition that I'd want the neighbours to see.
04:12Have you seen Father's whistle?
04:16He's looking for his whistle and the rest of his uniform.
04:19What uniform?
04:21His Cub Scout uniform.
04:23That's going back a bit.
04:25Oh, I wish you'd both get up and make yourselves presentable.
04:28I'm expecting a visit from a Mr Sudbury.
04:31Oh, so that's who comes at Christmas.
04:33A Mr Sudbury.
04:35And all these years people have been calling him Father Christmas.
04:39Will you get up, Onslow?
04:41Of course, the smart move would be to stay here till after Boxing Day.
04:45Otherwise, we'll only have to get dressed up and go to your hyacinth's family dinner.
04:49Oh, Lord.
04:51Hyacinth's family dinner.
05:00Now, you know how they all look forward to my family Christmas dinner.
05:04I can't disappoint them.
05:06Gives them something to remember during the long winter months.
05:11How does that feel?
05:15I can't breathe!
05:17Well, of course you can breathe!
05:23Richard, please don't make those vulgar noises.
05:26If there's one thing that distinguishes us from other people, it's the absence of vulgar noises.
05:32I feel ridiculous.
05:34No, it suits you, Richard.
05:36Oh.
05:37If you don't believe me, we'll get an independent opinion.
05:41No, I don't want anybody to see me!
05:44Now, don't be so modest, dear.
05:47I'll see him.
05:48Now, off you go, dear.
05:50Try the effect on Emmett and Elizabeth.
05:55All right, brother.
05:56Shant be long.
05:57Just get back quickly, Liz.
05:59I hate being alone in case hyacinth calls.
06:01I never know what to say to her.
06:03Oh, you don't have to say anything.
06:05Let your mind wander.
06:07Well, I think about knitting patterns.
06:09I think about strangling her.
06:13Well, lock the door behind me and pretend you're out.
06:16There's no need to be so alarmed.
06:23It's only me.
06:24Can I come in?
06:36I thought you were supposed to use the chimney.
06:43Can't we do something about this old junkie?
06:46I've done something about this old junkie.
06:49Look inside.
06:55Look at this.
07:01I think that's lovely, Onzo.
07:04Not bad, is it?
07:09I think he's very talented, but he's done with just a heap of old junk.
07:16I was thinking more along the lines of moving it.
07:20That there is a piece of abstract art.
07:23If you look at it that way, you can see I'm actually making a statement.
07:27Well, I hope Mr. Sudbury sees it like that.
07:31Who is this Mr. Sudbury?
07:33Why are you making such a fuss about him?
07:36Oh, days.
07:37Mr. Sudbury's different.
07:39So was the last one.
07:41Talk about bow-legged.
07:42First time I've seen anybody try and cross their legs and miss.
07:47Oh, days.
07:49Mr. Sudbury's really different.
07:51He's tall.
07:52He's elegant.
07:53And he's a wonderful dancer.
07:56Look at him.
08:02Rose!
08:08Mr. Sudbury!
08:11Mr. Sudbury!
08:27I wish I had more romance than you.
08:35Little donkey, little donkey.
08:39Oh, am I through to the Thorganby residence?
08:43Well, what a timid little voice.
08:47Now run along, Poppet, and tell your mummy, Mrs Thorganby,
08:51that there's a nice lady wanting to speak with her.
08:56Oh, you are, Mrs Thorganby.
09:00Mrs Lytton.
09:02Yes, well, this is Hyacinth.
09:05Bouquet, dear.
09:07Richard's wife.
09:10Richard, your husband's deputy in the Department of Finance and General Purposes.
09:17Yes, that Hyacinth.
09:20Oh, there's a funny noise on the line there.
09:22It sounds like someone in pain.
09:24That's better.
09:26Now, I'm just ringing to remind you that you promised to call in with your husband over the Christmas period
09:31to partake of mulled wine and a hot mince pie.
09:35Come at any time that suits you, Mrs Thorganby.
09:39Goodbye.
09:41What a silly little voice.
09:45Have another one, Richard.
09:46Just a very, very small one.
09:49What about a very, very large one?
09:51Oh, Emmett!
09:53Cheers.
09:55Cheers.
09:56Why are you wearing that outfit?
09:58It's fate.
09:59I thought it might be Hyacinth.
10:02Me, they're one and the same.
10:05Merry Christmas anyway.
10:08Come on.
10:16Merry Christmas.
10:23Merry Christmas.
10:26Merry Christmas.
10:27Merry Christmas.
10:28Merry Christmas.
10:28Merry Christmas.
10:32Merry Christmas.
10:35Merry Christmas.
10:37Merry Christmas.
10:39Rosal, will you tell Fred and Ginger to go and twinkle toes down the street and see if they can
10:45find father?
10:46He's off again.
10:47He's not past this way. Where's he gone?
10:51Gone scouting. Need new whistle.
10:54Off on the first thing to go.
10:57I've noticed that.
11:02Jingle bells, jingle bells.
11:06Oh, do come in, Elizabeth.
11:09Make yourself at home.
11:11Just take your shoes off, dear.
11:13Thank you, Hyacinth. It's just that I've been asked to collect on behalf of the...
11:17Oh, you're very commendable, dear.
11:19Of course we'll contribute.
11:21Not that we don't already in our own way.
11:23Richard will very soon be distributing gifts to the old folk and my Sheridan's rebuilding Romania.
11:29Thank you, Hyacinth.
11:33I'll put my shoes on now.
11:35Oh, I wonder who that will be.
11:36Probably Reggie Thorganby, Richard's head of department.
11:42Reggie and Fiona are popping in for mulled wine and hot mince pies.
11:45They were so insistent.
11:49The McKay residence, the lady of the house speaking.
11:56So sorry, Hyacinth.
11:58Oh, and just as I've given my lacquered woodblock its Christmas polish, Elizabeth.
12:05Violet, I thought you were in Ibiza for Christmas, dear.
12:09Oh, I see.
12:12Bruce is acting in the theatre.
12:14Only amateur, of course, but still.
12:18A principal role.
12:20Oh, you must be very proud, Violet.
12:23Well, why aren't you proud, dear?
12:26He loves dressing up.
12:27It's better that he does it in the theatre.
12:31Well, why shouldn't he wear his costume all day?
12:33Oh, I'm sorry.
12:35It was little Harry, dear.
12:37You and I have no secrets, Elizabeth.
12:40What role is Bruce playing?
12:43Cinderella.
12:48Well, Elizabeth, you know how ditty I am.
13:10Well, what do you mean Bruce is going around everywhere in his Cinderella outfit?
13:16He's gone into town.
13:17Well, tell people he's rehearsing.
13:20Spread the word for heaven's sake.
13:43Look on the bright side, Violet.
13:45At least Cinderella married well.
13:48No, I must go and find Richard.
13:51Oh, I do that.
13:55Oh!
13:57What the hell are you doing, dear?
13:59I'm terribly sorry, Harry, since your wreath fell off.
14:01Well, put it back again, dear.
14:03I must find Richard.
14:04No, I'll find Richard.
14:05You put the wreath back on.
14:08And if you ever saw him,
14:11you would always say it glowed.
14:13It glowed.
14:27Richard!
14:29Richard!
14:29Iocinth will kill you!
14:31Iocinth who?
14:40Was your father ever in the scouts?
14:42Of course he was in the scouts.
14:44You don't think he'd wear a uniform under false pretenses?
14:47If he's only wearing them little shorts,
14:50they can hardly call it false pretenses.
14:53Speaking of false pretenses,
14:55I suppose we'd better worn our hyacinth.
14:58Oh, how nice.
15:02An extra trip to your hyacinth.
15:04Do you really know how to make a bloke's Christmas?
15:13That was hyacinth.
15:15She is ready for Richard to drive her.
15:19Right.
15:20Right.
15:21But you can't drive her.
15:25And neither can you.
15:27Actually, she does most of the driving by word of mouth.
15:33All right, then, you two.
15:35Come on, give me that father Christmas outfit.
15:37Hey.
15:38Now, Richard, you will have to get the bus.
15:41What bus?
15:41You've got to distribute the gifts.
15:43Turn right, Richard.
15:44Turn left, Richard.
15:46And you will sober up, too.
15:48All right?
15:49I'll be with the old folk waiting for you.
15:51You will never get away with it.
15:52You don't even sound like me.
15:54All she has to do is listen like you.
15:57Oh, that's...
16:09The door, Richard.
16:13You mustn't forget our manners just because we're dressed as Father Christmas.
16:17Thank you, dear.
16:19I hope you thought of suitable things to say to each one of the old folk.
16:25And please remember not to say Merry X-mas.
16:33You know, I can't abide people who put Merry X-mas on their greetings cards.
16:39Especially when they spell merry with an I and an E.
16:47Not so fast, Richard.
16:50Watch the car on the left.
16:52Warn this pedestrian in case he suddenly decides to step into the road.
16:58Did you expect him to hear that, dear?
17:09Oh, no.
17:10It's Onslow and Daisy.
17:12They mustn't see us.
17:13Quick.
17:14Turn into this petrol station and put your foot down.
17:27They must be going to the house.
17:29Thank goodness we're out.
17:34Turn right, dear.
17:39Mind the curb.
17:42Isn't that the Fogonbury's car?
17:44Goodness, yes it is.
17:46They must be heading for our house.
17:48Oh, they'll meet Onslow and Daisy.
17:51We've got to stop them, Richard.
17:57Mr. and Mrs. Fogonbury, how lucky we ran into you.
18:01Huh.
18:02Damn, nearly anyway.
18:04Slight change of plan.
18:06We thought we'd take you first to the church hall to see Richard dispensing gifts to the poor.
18:13My husband's highly thought of in charitable circles.
18:17Really?
18:19A bit dramatic, that, Richard.
18:21You scared the daylights out of me.
18:35And then back to our house for some more Christmas surprises.
18:38Surprises?
18:39I'm not sure I can stand any more.
18:43Just mild wine and a hot mince pie.
18:46Richard's so looking forward to the two of you in a quiet corner.
18:50I beg your pardon.
18:52To discuss the subject of his early retirement.
18:55Oh.
18:56That.
18:58Yes.
19:02Richard will lead.
19:03You follow close behind.
19:14Morning.
19:15Go straight through.
19:20Good day, Vicar.
19:21Won't be a moment.
19:22Mrs. Bucket.
19:24Okay.
19:26I'm sorry.
19:27Your father's here.
19:29Daddy, here?
19:30Yes.
19:32How kind of you, Vicar, to invite Daddy to receive a gift.
19:36He wasn't actually invited, Mrs. Bucket.
19:39Okay.
19:40He just arrived.
19:42And rather unexpectedly.
19:43In what way, unexpectedly?
19:45Well, I wasn't actually in the hall at the time.
19:47I just heard the scream.
19:51Won't be a moment.
19:53What scream?
19:54Miss Winthorpe.
19:55Who?
19:56She's secretary of the over-70s club.
19:58Oh, I see.
20:00I expect Daddy was carried away by the festive season.
20:03Well, he must have started celebrating long before he arrived here.
20:07Hmm?
20:08He also seems to be wearing very little.
20:12Just like Daddy.
20:13I expect he's given everything to the poor.
20:16Well, nearly everything.
20:17And he's going around kissing everyone under the mistletoe.
20:21Yes, Daddy does so love the old customs.
20:24He certainly loves that one.
20:32What if we pop inside and I'll slip Daddy into something warmer?
20:36He looked warm enough when I left him.
20:38Oh, very young.
20:40I'll be with you in a moment.
20:45Don't kiss.
20:46Don't kiss.
20:46You want to be kissed.
20:49Don't do that.
20:51Nasty little man.
20:52I must ask you to take him away from here, Mrs. Bouquet.
20:56And as soon as possible.
21:00Hang on long, Daddy.
21:04And don't do that.
21:05It's not very nice.
21:07You soon feel better now you've had one of your pills.
21:10Now, wear this for hire, Synth, dear.
21:14We're leaving.
21:15I've promised the vicar that I'll see you safely home.
21:23Oh, to think that he was once such a power in painting by numbers circles.
21:28I suppose we're very lucky this year's pantomime happens to be Dick Whittington.
21:33I just wish you could remember where you've left your own clothes, dear.
21:37Now, look.
21:37Wait here for a moment while I see that the coast is clear.
21:41I don't want any more surprises today.
21:50Richard?
21:51Did someone call?
21:53Richard!
21:54Wait here, Richard.
21:56I feel...
21:58I'm...
21:58Yes.
22:00I'm terribly sorry, Hylson.
22:01What are you doing here?
22:02What's going on?
22:03Well, you see, there's a...
22:04I couldn't find it.
22:06I'm so sorry.
22:08There is no time for apologies.
22:11You can have your Christmas kiss later, Richard.
22:14Shh!
22:15Before Father Christmas arrives...
22:17We've all got to get out of here.
22:18Set the scene with some Christmas music on the piano.
22:24What's I should do with a cat?
22:25I must have drank more than I thought.
22:28It's Daddy!
22:29Oh, it's a Tomcat.
22:33Don't just stand there.
22:35Try and find Daddy's clothes.
22:37They must be hidden somewhere.
22:38That includes you, Emmett.
22:39Oh, hello.
22:40Oh, do stop playing with your whiskers, Daddy.
22:44Elizabeth, I need your help, dear.
22:46Now, look what you've done.
22:47You've broken it.
22:49I have to get Daddy out of here, into Onslow's car, without the fog and be seen.
23:05Tony, me!
23:10Who's that?
23:11It's Daddy, of course.
23:13Oh.
23:14I can't get him into the car.
23:15I don't want the Thorganbys to see too much.
23:18Who?
23:19The Thorganbys.
23:21Richard's head of department.
23:23They're coming back to our house for a glass of mulled wine and a hot mince pie.
23:27They've followed us here in their car.
23:29Oh!
23:30They've gone.
23:31Gone?
23:34Oh, no.
23:36And after I've been to all this trouble.
23:38How thoughtless.
23:41Daddy.
23:57I've given you one of your pills.
24:01Low and high, isn't it?
24:03Oh, there's this.
24:06Here's me, Dickie.
24:07I've got a little bit of unfinished business.
24:10Let's go.
24:10It's a little bit of a bit.
24:19What's going on, sir?
24:21I don't have a question.
24:32Oh, what's going on?
24:33How are you, Tim?
24:36How are you, Tim?
24:37How are you, Tim?
24:38How are you, Tim?
24:38How are you, Tim?
24:38Well, I suppose that's what Christmas is all about.
24:44Right, you.
24:52Come around, Richard. There's no time for that sort of thing.
24:57One better time, then.
25:01Rose, put us to Hawksworth down at once.
25:04What on earth is going on out here?
25:06Rose, there's the vicar.
25:09Thank you, Hyacinth.
25:12Happy Christmas, vicar.
25:23This is the season of goodwill, vicar, and my sister takes goodwill very seriously.
25:27Anyway, we're all going now.
25:31Goodbye, Richard. Happy New Year.
25:35Well, since we all seem to be celebrating Christmas already,
25:39we may as well carry on.
25:40Good idea.
25:41Oh, I'm so...
25:46Oh...
25:46Why don't we all go over to our house and have mulled wine and hot mince pies?
25:51Oh!
25:52And, Onslow, when we get there, would you park your car somewhere discreet?
25:58How about the next street?
25:59Oh, I love it. Christmas suits you, Onslow.
26:04Beep.
26:04Hello, Elizabeth, Ellert.
26:07Richard.
26:10Days, you'd better drive.
26:13I'm too shook up.
26:16You drive, Elizabeth.
26:20Oh, this is Christmas fun, what a pity it's only once a year.
26:23I'll be there in the back.
26:25Onslow!
26:27Please don't trap Daddy's tail in the door!