- 4 weeks ago
First broadcast 4th September 1975.
Chrissy's film buff boyfriend Neil gives her a movie camera for her birthday and lends her a projector to screen the film she has made.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Peter Greene - Neil
Catherine Riding - Diane
Chrissy's film buff boyfriend Neil gives her a movie camera for her birthday and lends her a projector to screen the film she has made.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Doug Fisher - Larry
Peter Greene - Neil
Catherine Riding - Diane
Category
📺
TVTranscript
01:00I understand that you've recently been conducting a dialogue with the president of the Methodist
01:21Conference.
01:22May we ask Archbishop precisely what form this dialogue took?
01:26I'll give him the left hook under the arm and I'll see his legs and his nose and I'll follow
01:31him up with a right cross to his jaw.
01:35And you feel that this approach will improve relationships between the two churches?
01:39Well, he was wobbling back on his hill for a while, so I walked him against the ropes
01:43and go for his eye.
01:45Two quick lifts and roll up the club.
01:47Stop that.
01:48You'll break it.
01:49Oh, I'm fed up.
01:50There's nothing to do.
01:51Oh, Joe, did you know that the ice glaciers are advancing on England at the rate of half
02:00an inch a year?
02:01Now listen, while we've still got time, why don't you and I need to do it?
02:05Oh, certainly not.
02:08Oh, it was just an idea.
02:09I thought it was fabulous.
02:10I did, honestly.
02:11Oh, you're still up.
02:13It's only half past ten.
02:14Yeah, well, this is Neil.
02:16Neil, this is Robin and Joe.
02:18Hello.
02:18Hello.
02:19Hello.
02:19Been doing anything interesting?
02:24We went to the local film society.
02:25Offcuts of the battleship Potemkin.
02:28The footage Eisenstein left on the cutting room floor.
02:31Two hours of it.
02:32Yes, I think you've answered my question.
02:34I thought it was fabulous.
02:36I did, honestly.
02:37Yes.
02:37Yeah, we had a pretty boring evening, too.
02:41Why don't you go and make some coffee?
02:43Sit down.
02:43Oh.
02:49Neil, Neil.
02:56So, you had a good evening, did you?
02:58Fascinating.
03:00Fascinating archive material.
03:02Yes, Chrissie did mention you were interested in rotten old films.
03:04I didn't say that.
03:06Fair point, though.
03:07Most of them are on nitrate stock.
03:09They don't last long.
03:10Well, I don't know.
03:11Two hours seems long enough for me.
03:13But you see, the thing about Einstein's films...
03:15Ah, Eisenstein.
03:17Oh, yeah.
03:18It's that you can practically feel the man's presence in every frame.
03:23Ah, presence.
03:25That's what I said.
03:26No, no, presence.
03:27Well, singular, actually.
03:29A present.
03:30For you.
03:31Many happy turns for tomorrow.
03:34Oh, Neil.
03:37Why don't you go and help Joe?
03:40What for?
03:41I mean, she's perfectly capable.
03:43Oh, I see.
03:45Yes.
03:46Yes, I take your point.
03:49Right, I'll leave you two to, um...
03:52Get on with it.
03:59I would close the door, but as you can see...
04:02If you should need me, I'll be in there, all right?
04:06You carry on.
04:07And you will not be disturbed.
04:16I didn't know it was Chris's birthday.
04:19All week she's been saying I'm 22 on Saturday.
04:22Do you think that was a hint?
04:24Yes, yes.
04:24Well, I mean, I haven't got her a present.
04:27Naughty.
04:28Yeah, and I haven't got time to give her one now.
04:29I mean, look at the time.
04:30I know, and the ice glaciers are advancing
04:33at half an inch every year.
04:35Oh, my God.
04:49Um, George?
04:56I want a word with you, Mildred.
04:59George, why have you brought your tool case to bed with you?
05:01You've been going through this, haven't you?
05:04Things are missing.
05:05Oh, you mean your mucky little magazines.
05:07They're not mucky, they're art.
05:09Oh, yes, with titles like wink, nudge, titter.
05:14Yeah, well, I buy them for articles on motoring
05:17and male fashion.
05:19Anyway, what have you done with them?
05:21Well, I thought you'd finish with them, George.
05:23I packed them up and gave them to Oxfam.
05:25Oh, blimey, I don't know.
05:27Isn't it marvellous, eh?
05:28A man can't even keep a few innocent...
05:29What's that poll?
05:33It's me, George.
05:35It's called Tonight or Never.
05:40Oh, yeah?
05:41Well, it's half right, anyway.
05:48George?
05:49George, I, um, I did just, uh, keep one back for you.
05:53Oh, I'm not in a mood, Mildred.
05:55There's a very good article on motoring in it.
05:57Yeah.
05:58Oh, it's useless.
05:59I mean, if it got you going, I wouldn't mind.
06:03Oh, just a bit.
06:11Oh, Joe, it's lovely, thank you.
06:14Oh, there's a card with it, too.
06:15Oh, yeah.
06:16Happy birthday, many more.
06:19Now you've reached the age of four.
06:22Oh, I didn't read the verse.
06:25From me.
06:26Oh, I thought you'd forgotten.
06:28Me forget, cos if I would.
06:30I owe you one birthday card and present.
06:36No, I'll get one, actually.
06:40Morning, all.
06:41I didn't knock, cos I figured you might not let me in.
06:43Any chance of borrowing a sausage?
06:44Oh, sit down.
06:45Oh, time.
06:47Hello, what's all this, then?
06:49Who's in line for the big birthday kiss from me?
06:52Well, if you really insist.
06:54It's Chrissy.
06:55Oh, you are a sports sport.
06:57Hey, it's from Neil.
06:59Happy birthday.
07:00I didn't know what you wanted,
07:01so I picked something I need myself.
07:03How can you put a kick up the backside in a box?
07:06Oh, you'd never liked him.
07:08Well, I wouldn't say it.
07:08That's it.
07:09Hey, it's a cine camera.
07:11Fantastic.
07:12Oh, as seen on television.
07:13Please, five.
07:14You're just jealous.
07:16I'll have a lot of fun with this
07:17as soon as I learn how to use it.
07:19Yes.
07:20Lesson one.
07:22Yeah.
07:27Oh, I enjoyed that.
07:40Nice brisk morning constitutional,
07:42round the block, fresh air.
07:43And where have you been?
07:45Well, I've been for a stroll in the...
07:49Face.
07:51A face pack, George.
07:53Yeah.
07:54I like it.
07:55Leave it on.
07:58Right off me, George.
07:59Half a brick a pound's off you with that stuff.
08:01Don't touch it.
08:02Christopher Lee had something like that on the telly.
08:05The Curse of the Mummy, that was it.
08:07George.
08:08He went round murdering people.
08:09I know how you felt.
08:11Right, well, I'm just going off for a quick bath.
08:14What, with your raincoat on?
08:16Hey.
08:17Oh, no, no, I'll hang it up when I get in there.
08:18Ah, I know what you've been doing.
08:20You've been mimeing more of those dirty little magazines,
08:23haven't you?
08:23Oh, well, what all this is, it's, um...
08:27I've got...
08:28I refuse to discuss it, Mildred.
08:30I'm going for a bath.
08:30You are not.
08:31You amend the front doorbell.
08:33Then you put the new rods on the staircase.
08:34Well, don't just sit there.
08:54Do something interesting.
08:55Yes, right.
08:57Something interesting.
09:00Oh.
09:03Not too interesting.
09:04What else can I do, then?
09:05Hang on, wait a minute, hold it.
09:07He's not made up.
09:08Get off!
09:09The setting face powder.
09:12Jamaican dusk.
09:13With hazel eye?
09:14Yes, you must be mad.
09:16Cancel my contract, I'm leaving the set.
09:18Good, that's good.
09:19Movement, movement.
09:20Keep going, keep going, keep going.
09:21Good.
09:22Will you stop following me?
09:24Now, do something natural.
09:26I'm about to, and you're not doing that.
09:32Joe, you do something.
09:34Pour those cornflakes into that bowl.
09:37Shall I?
09:37Yeah.
09:40Like this?
09:41Yes, that's great.
09:42Now, give me some emotion.
09:45Smile.
09:46Proud.
09:47Laugh.
09:49Good.
09:50Good.
09:51Keep laughing.
09:52More.
09:53More.
09:54Oh, that's fantastic.
09:56Tomorrow I'm going to try it with some film in the camera.
10:02It may not be very good.
10:03It is my first effort.
10:06You mustn't expect too much.
10:09Actually, I've probably made quite a lot of mistakes.
10:11Well, look, stop criticising.
10:14You haven't seen it yet.
10:16All ready for the big premiere, then?
10:18I'll have a strawberry ripple and a drink on a stick.
10:20Don't be funny.
10:22Yeah.
10:23There's a few bobs who would have projected here.
10:25I borrowed it from the film society.
10:27Yes, he's on the committee, don't you, man?
10:29Oh, yeah.
10:30All right.
10:31Off we go, then.
10:33Carry on, Chrissie.
10:34All right.
10:35Do I turn this thing?
10:36Oh, yes.
10:37Oh, yes.
10:41Ah, now, at this point, I decided to put some action into it.
11:04Yes.
11:05Good.
11:06Hmm.
11:06This is Robin.
11:10Robin's showing off a bit.
11:23Larry.
11:27Oh, now, this bit's good.
11:29It was taken from the back of Robin's motorbike.
11:31Oh, this is interesting.
11:42It's Jo playing with a beach ball,
11:44and she loses the top of a bikini.
11:50Hmm.
11:51Not a good shot, really.
11:52No.
11:53No.
11:56Oh, this bit's me.
11:57I decided to put myself in,
11:59you know, like Alfred Hitchcock does.
12:00Well, what did you think?
12:17Oh, yeah.
12:19Right.
12:19I think it's very interesting.
12:22Yes.
12:23Yes, that's the word.
12:24It's, um...
12:27Interesting.
12:29Good.
12:30Because there's another 20 minutes of it to go yet.
13:02Oh, sorry, Joe. Morning. Didn't realise you were in there. Having a bath. Out! Out. Do you know, sir, we really must get this lock fixed, mustn't we? I mean, it could be very embarrassing for you.
13:27I mean, you know, anybody could just sort of open the door, stand here, staring at you, having a bath.
13:37Hello, mate. Are the girls, aren't you? Well, Chrissie, I think, is getting dressed and Joe's having a bath. You know, I've just learnt something. They actually float.
13:59Well, this one does. What do you want? Nothing, nothing. Oh, come on now, what sort of nothing? That's a projector. Can I use it this afternoon? Oh, come on, it's got nothing to do with me. You'll have to ask Chrissie.
14:12Oh, yeah, that could be a bit tricky. I mean, she might not approve of blue movies. Well, I don't. What are you talking about? Oh, last week in a pub, I met this bloke, Ken, his name was, or Sid, or something like that, anyway.
14:22Anyway, he works for the customs exercise. Oh, Fred, that was it. And he said to me, he said... Fred. Oh, Ken, yeah. He said... Oh, Sid. Yeah, he said, he said he's got his blue movies, red hot stuff, confiscate, you see. They should have been burnt, but his lighter won't work in.
14:37He said, he said for a five or a throw... I'm not lending you any money. You can be very hurtful sometimes, you know that. I'm not always on the borrower. I'm sorry.
14:46Yeah, all right. Lenders are five, always say no more about it. God, you're five. Five, one of myself. I just want to use this. He says these films are really very shivery sort of weather we're having, isn't it?
14:58Oh, yes. Morning, Chrissie. Hello. I was thinking about his projector. When's he got to go back? Why? I wonder if it's possible for me to have my sponge back, please.
15:10Well, I thought it might be a chance of seeing your own movie again. You know, I really enjoyed it.
15:14Oh, may God forgive you.
15:18No, I did, really. You fell asleep.
15:21Yeah, but that's what I mean. I miss most of it.
15:24But I can't show it you now. I'm meeting Neil at 12.
15:26You're going out? She's going out. Oh, what a shame.
15:31See? And you said it was boring. Just goes to show some people could be too easily bored.
15:35Ah, now, this one's fascinating.
15:53Fred Ott, who worked in Thomas Edison's laboratory,
15:56shown in Edison, kinetoscope record of a sneeze, January 7, 1894.
16:01It predates lunchtime at the Lumiere factory.
16:06Who would have thought it?
16:08Ah, now that is D.W. Griffith.
16:12Oh, yes, I've always liked her.
16:16It's a man.
16:17Doesn't look like a man.
16:19No, it's from one of D.W. Griffith's films.
16:22Oh, that D.W. Griffith's.
16:25He pioneered the close-up, you know.
16:27Ah, I used one of those in my film.
16:30Yes.
16:32Actually, it wasn't very good, was it, my film?
16:35Well.
16:36Oh, come on, be honest.
16:38It was pretty terrible, actually.
16:39Oh, no, I wouldn't say...
16:41Actually, dreadful was the word I'd use.
16:47It wasn't that bad.
16:48Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
16:50Ah, William Freeze Green.
16:53Ah, now, he was the chap.
16:54Ah, good Lord.
16:57Diana.
16:59Neil.
17:00I haven't seen you since the conference.
17:03The BFI and the CFF.
17:05The NFT.
17:06Yes, yes, you with the FSFA.
17:09And you pinched my seat on the platform.
17:13Oh, Chrissie.
17:15Chrissie, this is Diana.
17:16You know, I haven't seen her since the conference.
17:19The BFI and the CFF.
17:21At the NFT.
17:22Yes.
17:23Were you there?
17:24Do you know they've got some wonderful Abel Gants over there?
17:28Oh, did you hear that?
17:31Yes.
17:32Wouldn't mind one with a cup of coffee.
17:39Oh, darn.
17:43Excuse me.
17:44Oh, girl, girl.
17:45A minute.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Oh.
17:48Oh, you going out, then?
17:50Fantastic.
17:51It's not that fantastic.
17:53I'm only going to the launderette.
17:54Oh, that's great.
17:55I mean, it's nice there.
17:56You'll like it.
17:58You're a nut.
18:02Oh, you'll want to be more careful.
18:05What's this?
18:06Red Hot and Randy.
18:10What's this, then?
18:12Oh, it's just a film.
18:13A film?
18:14Yeah, well, they've got this projector upstairs, see?
18:15Oh.
18:16And you were thinking of showing this on it?
18:18Yeah, I was.
18:19Ah, now, there's a thought.
18:20Now, look here, son.
18:21As landlord, it's my duty to see that any, well, film shown in this house meets with my approval.
18:28Oh.
18:29Yeah.
18:29I mean, all I know about this is the title, and I approve of that right away.
18:34Well, I suppose, er, I suppose you can come up and, er, you know, if you really want to.
18:38Right.
18:38I'll get me glasses.
18:39Oh.
18:40I'll get me glasses.
18:43Glasses.
18:44Glasses.
18:45Hey, Mildred, have you seen...
18:47Oh.
18:48Well, where'd you find that, then?
18:49In your new hiding place, George.
18:52I don't hide them.
18:54I leave them in a convenient spot.
18:56What were you doing on top of the wardrobe, anyway?
19:00I was cleaning up the dirt, George.
19:04George?
19:06Sit down.
19:07No, er, not just now, Mildred.
19:08I'm in a hurry.
19:09Sit!
19:10Oh, no.
19:14Ah, that's better.
19:15Now, are we sitting comfortably?
19:19Well, that'll be.
19:20Right, then we'll begin.
19:22Now, George, I am going to make a serious effort to find out exactly why you read this sort of muck.
19:29Now, tell me honestly, George.
19:34What does that do for you?
19:37Well, we...
19:38She's upside down, Mildred.
19:45She's meant to be, George.
19:46She was photographed that way.
19:48Oh, yeah.
19:48Well, can't we discuss this later?
19:50No, we can't.
19:51No, George.
19:52Oh, really?
19:53I mean, what has she got that I haven't got?
19:56Now, don't be silly, Mildred.
20:00All right, George.
20:01I know what it is.
20:02You don't have to tell me.
20:03Don't we?
20:04Oh, right.
20:04I'll be off, then.
20:05Stay!
20:05Stay!
20:05This is a real thing, this, mate.
20:10He said.
20:11Who?
20:11Ken?
20:12Yeah, Sid.
20:12Oh.
20:13He said it's in full colour.
20:15Well, it's pink, mostly.
20:16And it's got sound.
20:17What sort of sound?
20:18I dread to think.
20:20Larry, Larry, I mean, come on.
20:22Now, what does this do for you?
20:23Oh, come on.
20:24You're as interested as I am.
20:25I don't know that.
20:27And I shall sit there denying it all the way through.
20:30I can't thread this thing.
20:31That's because your hands are trembling.
20:32I mean, red, hot and randy.
20:36I mean, really?
20:37Hello.
20:39Oh, it's Chrissie.
20:41She's back.
20:42Yeah.
20:43Boring Neil.
20:43Met this boring girl and they had a boring conversation about boring films.
20:47And I got bored.
20:49What's he doing?
20:50What he's doing is...
20:55What I'm doing is...
20:58He's, um...
21:00I'm, um...
21:02He's, um...
21:03He's come...
21:06He's...
21:06He's...
21:07He's...
21:07He's come to have another look at your homemade movies.
21:11Yeah, that's it.
21:11Yeah, yeah.
21:12Only, uh...
21:13Only I can't thread it on, so let's forget the whole thing.
21:15Oh, I'll do it.
21:16No, no, I shouldn't bother.
21:17It's a bit tricky.
21:17No, it's easy.
21:18No problem.
21:19No, there actually is one problem.
21:21Oh, dear.
21:21They're closed on Sundays.
21:23Two problems.
21:25Oh, you're not watching that thing again.
21:27I'm going out.
21:28Oh, that's a good idea.
21:29You go out.
21:29And Chrissie, you go out.
21:30We'll all go out.
21:31Just Larry.
21:32I mean, he's the only one in what's...
21:32All right.
21:33You can start now, son.
21:38I've, uh...
21:38I've come up to see a film.
21:40He invited me.
21:41Oh, great.
21:42Joe, draw the curtains.
21:43Oh, all right.
21:44Here, hang on a bit.
21:45You're not staying to watch it, are you?
21:46Yeah.
21:46I didn't know you were interested in this sort of thing.
21:49Of course she is.
21:50She's in it.
21:53Oh, yeah.
21:55Is she?
21:56Yeah, so is Joe.
21:57And Robin.
21:58Larry gets a bit as well.
21:59Don't they?
22:03Actually, I'd like to ask your advice about it, Mr. Roper.
22:06For instance, do I zoom in too quickly?
22:09Oh, watch out for that.
22:10Right, I think we're ready.
22:14Oh, there you are, George.
22:16Oh, God.
22:18Hello, dears.
22:20George, you slipped out while my back was turned.
22:23I hadn't finished.
22:24Yeah, well, I was invited up, Mildred.
22:26To see my home movie.
22:27Oh, I'd like to see that, love.
22:29Oh, well, sit down.
22:30Oh, dear.
22:32Oh, death, where is thy knife?
22:34You better say something, honey.
22:36It's not up to me.
22:37It's up to you.
22:37Right, here we go.
22:38Chrissy, just a sec.
22:40I'll tell you what we'll do.
22:41Why don't we have a game of cards?
22:42Yeah.
22:42Or 20 questions.
22:44No, I know.
22:46I spy with my little eye something beginning with...
22:49Sit down.
22:50Sit down, right.
22:51I did my best, mate.
22:53That was your best?
22:54Right.
22:54Right.
23:07That cost me a bloody fiver.
23:21I'll murder it, Ken.
23:23Well, Fred, I'll sit over everything.
23:24I'll do it.
Be the first to comment