- 1 day ago
First broadcast 13th March 1975.
With the price of beer going up at the Legion, George brews his own and Robin samples some before giving Chrissy a driving lesson.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Kenneth Watson - Policeman (as Ken Watson)
Harry Littlewood - Driving Examiner
Alister Williamson - Police Sergeant
Erik Chitty - Magistrate
Marc Boyle - Warrant Officer
Frank Lester - Clerk of the Court
With the price of beer going up at the Legion, George brews his own and Robin samples some before giving Chrissy a driving lesson.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Kenneth Watson - Policeman (as Ken Watson)
Harry Littlewood - Driving Examiner
Alister Williamson - Police Sergeant
Erik Chitty - Magistrate
Marc Boyle - Warrant Officer
Frank Lester - Clerk of the Court
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00.
01:00That looks as if it's nearly ready.
01:11Right.
01:12There we are.
01:14You see, hops.
01:15These are the important part, Mildred.
01:17Too many of these and it's bitter.
01:20Yes, and cleanliness too.
01:21That's very important.
01:22Everything that touches this beer has been sterilised.
01:25Oh, that's interesting.
01:26When were you done?
01:27Yes.
01:27No, no.
01:30I mean, the equipment.
01:32You take this, for instance, this strainer.
01:35Chip basket.
01:36What?
01:36Yeah, right.
01:38Well, it's been boiled three times, see?
01:40And so has this fermentation vessel.
01:41Bucket.
01:43Pardon?
01:44It's a bucket, George.
01:45Oh.
01:46Well, then, look, I'll tell you what, you hold this strainer, you hold this over that.
01:52And that looks to me like a baby's nappy liner.
01:55Yeah, well, it is.
01:56Oh, George.
01:57It's all right.
01:58It's new.
01:58It's never been used.
01:59I mean, they're the best thing for when you're straining, nappy liners.
02:04There's a joke there somewhere.
02:05Yeah, I know.
02:07Don't look for it, love.
02:10Look, when are we going to taste some of this beer?
02:13Well, the batch I made two weeks ago, that should be ready.
02:15Oh, well, that's probably why all the bottles keep exploding.
02:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:18You can hold it steady.
02:21What made you take up all this nonsense, George?
02:24Well, every man needs a hobby, Mildred, to take him out of himself.
02:27You know, for fill his creative urge.
02:29Besides, they put a penny on the pint of the British Legion.
02:31Oh, that's it.
02:32Now, it's that bar chairman's fault.
02:34I told him.
02:35I said, money grabbing little tyke.
02:36I said, probably pocketing half of the profits.
02:38I said.
02:39What did he say?
02:40He wasn't there.
02:42All right, now, let's have a look.
02:44There you go.
02:45Yeah, I think it needs a second straining.
02:47Have we got a clean sock somewhere?
02:51All right, now, what would you do if your vehicle broke down on a railway level crossing?
02:55Um, no, I'd do.
02:56Well, don't we all?
02:57Well, that's not what it's got down here.
02:58I'd get the passengers out, then I'd find the signal box, and then I'd try to get the
03:04car clear of the lines.
03:05Correct.
03:06Now, do you want to double your money?
03:07And I mean that most sincerely.
03:09Right.
03:10Where should you not park your car?
03:12Who?
03:13Um, on a junction or bend, brow of a hill, humpback bridge, uh, outside Tesco's?
03:20Yes.
03:21On top of another car?
03:24In a bus?
03:25Bus?
03:25Lane?
03:26Correct, correct.
03:27Or on a footpath, double yellow lines, or on a motorway, or...
03:32Where can you park?
03:33Well, nowhere.
03:33You see, once she's passed the test, she's got to carry on driving round and round and
03:36ever decreasing circles, so she finally disappears up her own exhaust pipe.
03:41See, it's a new scheme to cut down on traffic.
03:43I'll never learn this, not in ten days.
03:45Of course you will.
03:45You're making fantastic progress.
03:47Do you know, she actually overtook a car yesterday.
03:49I've been doing that for weeks.
03:51Not with your eyes open.
03:52I love it.
03:54Listen, does she still pull out the choke knob, turn her handbag on?
03:58Right.
03:58At least at the end of it, I'll be able to drive a car.
04:02All you can drive is other people, up the wall.
04:05Oh, you know, you shouldn't take the mickey out of her.
04:07Why not?
04:08Well, we can't have both of us doing it.
04:09All right, come on.
04:13Let's do a bit of practice.
04:16Oh, don't sit there all niggly.
04:18Listen, your mouth will get stuck like that one of these days.
04:20It really will.
04:21Now, come on.
04:21Let's practice some throttling.
04:23Don't tempt me.
04:26Beans, the clutch, tuna fish, brake, and the throttle.
04:30Right, come on.
04:31Oh, I'm not in the mood.
04:32Listen, you'll get rusty.
04:34I mean, it's like everything else.
04:35If you don't practice it, you forget now.
04:36Why do you always have to bring sex into everything?
04:39Sex, sex, what's that?
04:43Sex?
04:43Oh, I see what you mean.
04:46Right, all right.
04:47No comical remarks, all right?
04:49Okay, right.
04:53Clunk, click, every turn.
04:57Come on, clunk, click.
04:58Yeah, all right.
04:59Clunk, click.
05:01Clunk, click.
05:03Right, very good.
05:04Right, now, we are parked at the roadside and we are ready to go.
05:07Okay, so it's ignition on, left foot on beans.
05:11I forgot your gear stick.
05:12Oh, it's...
05:13Gears, right.
05:19Now, gently depress beans, into first, handbrake off, left foot up, and right foot on the chunky chicken.
05:30No, the chunky chicken.
05:32Oh, all right, all right.
05:33Right, right.
05:34Now, we're going along, and it's into second.
05:36Beans, beans, beans.
05:38Right.
05:42Now, we're going along, right, and I'm the examiner, right?
05:46Give us a kiss and I'll pass it, huh?
05:49Please yourself.
05:50Right, now, we're going to overtake that four-litre droplet coffee table.
05:53Oh, he lives in a little world of his own.
05:55Ignore that lady at the bus stop.
05:57Right, so it's...
05:58Indicator, hands out, beans, change down, mirror, chunky chicken, into third...
06:02Oh, shit.
06:05Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
06:09I mean, where was your hand signal?
06:11I'll give you a hand signal in a minute.
06:13Naughty.
06:13All right, see, a bit of yeast.
06:19That should do nicely.
06:21There.
06:22And a chocolate more extract.
06:24Don't forget the eye of Newt and tongue of Bat.
06:27You reckon I'm going to fail at this, don't you?
06:29Well, you fail at most things, George.
06:32I mean, like that time you re-enamelled the bath.
06:40I still think you might have warned me before I climbed in.
06:43You should have seen your face when you stuck to the bottom.
06:47It took me a whole week to get it off.
06:49Yeah, well, I told you at the time, you should have used wire wool.
06:51Well, now, this is different.
06:53There, you see.
06:55In a couple of weeks' time, that's going to be a sparkling drop of bitter.
06:58Like this stuff over here.
06:59Now, get the glasses out.
07:02Now, then.
07:03I'll tell you, once and for all.
07:05Oh, no.
07:06Oh.
07:07Oh, yes.
07:10Yes, George.
07:11That's very lively, isn't it?
07:13Yeah.
07:13Well, I expected that.
07:14Oh, of course you did, George.
07:15That's a touch of secondary fermentation.
07:17Yes, George.
07:18Right, pour it out.
07:19Let's have a look at it.
07:20All right, now, don't forget to me first brew might have been too much sugar.
07:26Or too much yeast, or not enough malt, or...
07:28Yes, or you might have made a right cock-up of it.
07:34Hey, hi.
07:35Hey, hi, that looks all right, this.
07:36Looks and it smells...
07:39Yeah, well, tell us what you think.
07:40No, thank you.
07:41Look, they're a thing swimming around in it.
07:45They're hops.
07:47All right, they're often around in it.
07:48I'm not drinking.
07:53I suppose it is all right.
07:55George, I've no idea.
07:57I mean, as far as I know, you could drink that down,
08:00slink under that table and come up, all claws, teeth and fangs.
08:03Well, anyway, somebody's got to try it, hasn't they?
08:06Here it goes.
08:07Uh, George, where did you keep the, uh, insurance books?
08:10Now, don't start that.
08:15George, there are airs growing up the back of your hand.
08:20That's not bad.
08:21That's not bad at all.
08:22Here, it tastes sort of, um, nutty.
08:24Well, it would do.
08:24Look who made it.
08:26It's very good.
08:27Here, have a drop.
08:29George, if you are still on your feet in 24 hours,
08:32I'll think about it.
08:35Excuse me.
08:35Oh, hey, come in some.
08:37Sit down.
08:38Thanks.
08:38Have a glass of beer.
08:39Oh, thank you.
08:41Actually, I just popped down to see if I could borrow the car again,
08:43just for an hour this time.
08:43Yes, certainly.
08:44Well, hey, look at the head on that.
08:47Yeah, that looks, that looks very nice.
08:50Yeah, and it's only tuppens a pint.
08:52I'll see what I...
08:53No, not to you, to me.
08:56He, he made it himself, love.
08:58You what?
08:59Yes.
09:00Oh, hey, that's, that's very good, isn't it?
09:01Look, crystal clear.
09:02Yeah.
09:03I strained it through a pair of Mildred's tights.
09:08They, um, they were new ones, love.
09:11Don't worry.
09:14Actually, you know, that's not bad.
09:16That's not bad at all.
09:17It was just after an air raid, see,
09:23and I was pumping away at my stirrup pump in Oxford Street,
09:26and all these big knobs came up, you know,
09:28to investigate the damage.
09:30Brigadeers, all that sort of thing.
09:31And they stopped right by me, you see,
09:33and there, in the middle, was Winnie.
09:36Oh, is that the woman you met in the land army?
09:38No, no, no, no, no.
09:40Winnie.
09:40Winston Churchill.
09:41Yeah, he stopped to look at me, you see,
09:44and he came up to me, and I'll never forget what he said.
09:48What?
09:49Well, he stood there, you see,
09:50with his jaw jutting out and his shoulders all squared,
09:53and he said,
09:55the drains have gone, then, he said.
10:01The drains have gone.
10:03I'll never forget that as long as I live.
10:05No, you wouldn't, really, would you?
10:07And shortly after that, they started the second front.
10:10You think the two are connected?
10:13No, no, no, I wouldn't say that,
10:14but it makes you think, though, doesn't it?
10:15All right, George,
10:17Maffican has been relieved,
10:18and the young people won't go for a driving lesson.
10:20Oh, yeah, right.
10:21Hey, there's the keys to the car, son.
10:22Hey, do you want a glass of beer?
10:23Oh, no, thanks, not when I'm driving.
10:25Oh, you don't want to worry about that.
10:26If they stop you,
10:27stick a quid in the driving licence
10:29before you pass it over.
10:31Never fails.
10:32There's a little tip there, son.
10:33Yeah, I remember that.
10:34You ready?
10:34Am I ready?
10:35All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
10:38Hey, he's a nice lad, that.
10:39Yeah, it goes on a bit.
10:41Are you all right, George?
10:43Eh, yeah, of course I'm all right.
10:46Oh, it's strong stuff, this, isn't it?
10:47Too fancy an early night tonight, then, Ruby.
10:57No, that's not bad, not bad.
11:00Right, now.
11:01Oh!
11:02Sorry.
11:02It's all right.
11:03You just forgot the clutch.
11:04Er, clutch, clutch.
11:07Beans?
11:08Beans?
11:08Er, beans.
11:09Right.
11:11Look, mistakes can happen.
11:12Yes, I know, but you don't have to give it so much help.
11:14Now, look, I'll tell you what we'll do.
11:15We'll try reversing around a corner, all right?
11:17Reverse.
11:18Reverse, right, right.
11:18Reverse.
11:19And listen, that is a corner there.
11:22I know it's a corner.
11:24All right.
11:28Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy.
11:30It might help if you take the handbrake off.
11:33Oh, shut up.
11:34Bloody hell.
11:49Did you see that, Arthur?
11:51Have you actually done?
11:53Right over his bike.
11:57Come on.
11:59It's broken the lamp.
12:00I just put a new bulb in there.
12:03Well, look, we'll pay if there's any damages.
12:05Look, it wasn't all our fault, you know.
12:06You came straight out of your front garden.
12:08No signal or anything.
12:09You don't have to signal when you're coming out of your own garden gate.
12:12That is true.
12:14Oh.
12:15Well, I'd better move it forward.
12:16No, no, no.
12:17Leave it in me.
12:18I'll do it.
12:20Evening.
12:22Everything all right, miss?
12:23Oh, yes, thank you.
12:24No, it isn't.
12:25Look at my bike.
12:26Look at my bike.
12:30Can I see your driving licence, sir?
12:44Yes.
12:45Oh, yes.
12:49Oh, the frame, it's buckled.
12:53Oh, the wheels.
12:55Oh, never mind.
12:56The bulb still works.
12:57There we are.
13:06There's a brown note in here, sir.
13:08Is that?
13:08Is that?
13:10Yes.
13:11Oh, yes.
13:12Uh, no.
13:13You see, I always keep a couple of spare quid.
13:16I don't have a wallet, you see.
13:18Um, thank you.
13:20It's lucky you're honest.
13:21I mean, you know, somebody might think you're on the, uh, you know.
13:24It's not him.
13:26She's the wallet.
13:27Just a moment.
13:29I have reason to believe you've been drinking, sir.
13:31Well, I require you to take a breath test.
13:34You've had a breath test before, sir?
13:36No.
13:37Nice deep breath and then blow into the bag.
13:41Keep blowing, sir.
13:44Don't breathe in.
13:44That's the way.
14:02One long blow.
14:04Little bit more, little bit more.
14:05That's it.
14:06That's it.
14:07Ha!
14:07Good.
14:07Same as the first.
14:14Over.
14:15Oh, well over.
14:17Still, we haven't got it yet.
14:19You haven't?
14:19No.
14:20Now, I shall need a sample from you.
14:25Should you fill this?
14:27Well, not from here, no.
14:31In there.
14:32Actually, no, I've just been.
14:36Then you'll have to go again.
14:38I don't think I've got any left.
14:41Well, we can always take a blood sample.
14:44I assume you've got some of that left.
14:45Well, I'll see what I can manage.
14:48What does he do now?
14:50I beg your pardon, bitch.
14:52I mean, what happens to him, assuming he's over the level?
14:54Oh, you'll get a summons, you see.
14:56Excuse me.
14:57Excuse me.
14:58I don't suppose you've got a tap anywhere you could turn.
15:00It might sort of help me to get a gun.
15:02Oh, no, no, no.
15:03Oh, no.
15:04But, look, sometimes it helps if you whistle.
15:07Fine.
15:09Any particular...
15:11A summons, you see,
15:15you'll get to appear at the local magistrate's court
15:18probably sometime...
15:21sometime about the end of next week, you see.
15:25That is assuming...
15:27as you say,
15:30that the tests show
15:31that your friend has over the legal limit...
15:35Excuse me.
15:36Have you got another bottle?
15:37Have you filled that one?
15:41No, I haven't.
15:42I've dropped it.
15:43I'm sorry.
15:46Do you know,
15:47I could fight this summons.
15:49I mean, I could plead not guilty,
15:51argue the case,
15:51get the backing of the AA,
15:53the REC,
15:54Shaw Taylor.
15:55You are guilty.
15:56Well, that is the weak point of my argument, yeah.
15:59Well, perhaps you could plead guilty,
16:01but not much.
16:03My Uncle Albert did.
16:05What was he up for?
16:06Oh, interfering with a duck
16:08on a public highway.
16:12Well, there is a lot of it about, isn't there?
16:15He was reminded for medical reports.
16:18Uncle Albert, not the duck.
16:20It's a funny lot, your family, isn't it?
16:23I'm the only normal one.
16:27It's as if I didn't do anything.
16:29Well, neither did he.
16:30Ducks can move very quickly when they want to.
16:33I mean, I didn't drive very far.
16:35The yard, something like that.
16:37I mean, I doubt whether the wheels turned a full circle.
16:40Power!
16:41What time are you doing court?
16:42Uh, 12 o'clock.
16:43Oh, high noon.
16:45Thank you very much.
16:47Honestly, just one stupid little mistake
16:49and I'm suspended.
16:50They hung you.
16:52I wouldn't mind if they did that
16:53as long as they didn't take my driving licence away from me.
16:55Are you coming to work?
16:57No, day off.
16:58It's my driving test.
16:59Oh, God, I forgot.
17:00Well, now I'm really going to be late.
17:02What, only about ten minutes?
17:03Yeah, but it's better if there's two of us
17:05because it's only five minutes each.
17:06Oh, dear.
17:07Listen, I'll see you in court.
17:09Yeah.
17:09Oh, best of luck.
17:10Thanks.
17:13Morning.
17:14Oh, morning.
17:14I was just about to knock the door.
17:16Oh, you don't have to now
17:16because it's open.
17:17Oh, morning, son.
17:24Morning.
17:25Hey, what time are you for the chop, then?
17:28I'm appearing in court at 12,
17:29if that's what you mean.
17:30Ah, good,
17:31because I've got a couple of little tips for you.
17:34Hey, your little tips aren't much use, are they?
17:36Put a pound in your driving licence.
17:38Oh, yeah, well, I admit I slipped up there.
17:40I mean, I didn't allow for inflation.
17:42Should have been a fiver.
17:43Now then, any chance of a cup of coffee?
17:46Oh, yeah, I suppose so.
17:48Oh, good.
17:51I had to get rid of her in that subtle manner
17:53because I wanted to ask you,
17:56are you by any chance a buffalo?
18:00I don't think so.
18:02That's a pity, you see,
18:03because most of the magistrates are.
18:05Then you could have given the buffalo sign
18:07for help and assistance.
18:12You'd have probably got off scot-free.
18:16Yeah, yeah, but, I mean,
18:17if he wasn't a buffalo,
18:18he'd most probably sling me inside
18:19for doing that to him, wouldn't he?
18:21Yeah, there is that, I suppose.
18:22Coffee?
18:22No, thanks.
18:23I prefer tea in the morning.
18:25There's just one other thing.
18:27You are going to wear a suit, aren't you?
18:29No, no, I thought I'd go stark naked.
18:31I mean, that's how we Freemasons
18:32recognise each other.
18:35Morning, dears.
18:38George,
18:38your bacon and eggs are ready, love.
18:40Yeah, I was just coming down, Mildred.
18:42They're nice and crispy,
18:44the way you like.
18:46I, um,
18:47don't suppose you fancy
18:48a glass of your beer with it, do you?
18:51Not for breakfast, Mildred.
18:53Blimey, you got me drinking this stuff
18:54all hours of the day.
18:57It's just a thought.
18:59Oh, er, what time is it?
19:00Twelve o'clock.
19:01Oh, lovely.
19:02I'll see you there, then.
19:03Give me a chance to wear my new hat.
19:05Did you get the chocolates?
19:06Yes, of course I did.
19:09Chocolates?
19:09No-one's taking this seriously.
19:11Oh, lovely.
19:21Mrs MacDonald.
19:28This is just like being brought up
19:30in front of the headmaster at school.
19:32Never been the worst he could give you
19:33was six strokes.
19:34This guy could give you six months.
19:35I did know that.
19:36Careful, you wet yourself.
19:55What do you think he's here for?
19:57God knows.
20:00That's what I thought.
20:01Mind you, they do a lot of good as well.
20:04Do you know, I shouldn't be here.
20:05I mean, I'm innocent.
20:06Well, you did do it.
20:07Well, just because I did it
20:07doesn't mean to sound guilty.
20:09I mean, it was just that
20:10ratty little policeman, honestly.
20:12The power, you see,
20:12they love the power.
20:13They're all megalomaniacs.
20:14They put on one little,
20:15ratty little,
20:16fuzzy little buni...
20:17Mind you,
20:20they do a lot of good as well.
20:23Afternoon.
20:2323 tins of baked beans
20:29concealed about your person,
20:31not to mention five packets of cornfrakes,
20:33to a total value in excess of five pounds.
20:36Shocking.
20:37Shocking.
20:38There are far too many cases
20:40of shoplifting coming up
20:41before this bench.
20:42However, in your case,
20:44we may be able to be lenient with you.
20:46We must come here more often.
20:49It's better than a telly.
20:51Yes, yes.
20:53Three months without the option.
20:55Stay around.
20:56Fix peace.
20:57It'll be another half hour yet, son.
20:58You always run late.
21:00Have a sweet.
21:02So condemn man
21:03at a hearty toffee.
21:06You always get a bit of
21:07stage fright right about this time.
21:09Oh.
21:10Listen, I'd better go into the gallery.
21:12Best of luck.
21:12I hope the pee falls out of your whistle.
21:16She's a bit of all right,
21:17that one, isn't she?
21:19Listen, don't you feel any sort of
21:20sort of guilt?
21:22What for?
21:24Oh, you're the one
21:24who should feel guilty, isn't you?
21:26I mean, you was the one
21:27running around with your trousers down
21:28singing all things bright and beautiful.
21:33Oh, no, no.
21:34That was him, wasn't it?
21:39Yes, mind you,
21:40they do a lot of good as well.
21:41Yeah.
21:41No, no, you were
21:43the breathalyser, weren't you?
21:45Right.
21:45Yes, I'm glad I got that straight.
21:47Mr. Tripp?
21:48Yeah.
21:49If you please, sir.
21:50Now, I've got
21:52one of yours, Bert.
21:53That's right.
21:54You're in good hands here, sir.
22:03There he is.
22:04Oh.
22:06I know him.
22:08So do I.
22:08It's his bicycle we've run over.
22:11Oh.
22:11Robin Oswald Tripp?
22:15I kept that quiet.
22:17Don't blame him.
22:19You are charged with driving a vehicle
22:20whilst having more than the permitted demand
22:22of alcohol in your bloodstream,
22:24contrary to the Road Safety Act of 1967.
22:28How do you plead to this charge?
22:31C-
22:31I've got a coffee.
22:32I've got a coffee.
22:34I can't do it.
22:34I can't do it.
22:36I can't do it.
22:38I can't do it.
22:39I can't do it.
22:40I can't do it.
22:46Guilty.
22:50May I have your driving licence, please?
22:52It's as quick as that, is it?
22:53Not quite, Mr Tripp.
22:57The constable?
22:59Sir, on the 18th of this month,
23:02I was on patrol duty in the Kensington area.
23:05At 7.15pm, I observed the defendant arguing with another man.
23:09Do you want any soft centres?
23:10I don't like them.
23:11Know that?
23:12The defendant was observed.
23:13He's very good, isn't he, that policeman?
23:15Very realistic.
23:16In doing so, he drove away.
23:17Well, you know what I mean.
23:18They aren't all, are they?
23:19There was a bloke on crossroads last week.
23:21Shh!
23:23And I asked him to take a breathalyser,
23:25wherein he replied,
23:27All things bright and beautiful.
23:34I'm sorry, no, er.
23:36Whereupon he replied,
23:37Oh, bloody hell!
23:39I have only had a pint of homemade Nats water.
23:42The test having proved positive, sir,
23:49I asked him to accompany me to...
23:50Yes, yes, yes, yes, I have the rest in front of me.
23:54Mr Tripp,
23:55you've heard the constable's account of the incident.
23:59Do you wish to ask him any questions?
24:01Me?
24:02Oh, yes.
24:03Ahem.
24:12I'd like you to cast your mind back to the 18th.
24:18Without the Perry Masonisms, if you can.
24:20Did the wheels go all the way round?
24:27Eh?
24:28On the car.
24:30This could be a very important legal point, Your Honour.
24:32You see, in football,
24:33if the ball doesn't go all the way out of the line,
24:36it's still in play.
24:37Football?
24:37Exactly.
24:38I mean, I don't know if you saw the European Cup match
24:40between Leeds and Inter Milan.
24:42Yeah, Mr Tripp.
24:43It's come out to half-time,
24:44Bremont had the ball,
24:44he flinged it out to the wing.
24:45Mr Tripp!
24:46Yes?
24:47This is hardly relevant,
24:49unless you were playing football in your car at the time.
24:52No, no, I wasn't, no.
24:53I'm glad to hear it.
24:54It's just I thought, you see,
24:55if the wheels hadn't turned a full circle...
24:57Yes, yes, I follow your reasoning,
24:59but the F.A. rules do not apply in this courtroom.
25:04So, in that respect, I'm afraid,
25:07you're offside!
25:11Very good.
25:13That's a good one.
25:15Yes.
25:17Do you have any more foolish questions?
25:21Anything known?
25:23Nothing known, sir.
25:25You realise, of course, that this offence
25:27carries a compulsory disqualification.
25:30Were you playing football in the car?
25:32No, he lives in a world of his own.
25:35Licence endorsed,
25:36disqualified from driving for 12 months.
25:39Plus a fine of £25.
25:41Stand down.
25:42Excuse me.
25:52You touch lucky there?
25:53I think you're right.
25:54That could well have been 50.
25:57What, years?
25:59Pounds.
25:59I wouldn't mind the £25.
26:01Not one word of thanks for the 20,000 miles
26:02I've driven stone-cold sober.
26:04You are very lucky I didn't mention
26:05your attempted bribery.
26:07The oldest trick in the book.
26:09He put a pound note
26:11in his driving licence.
26:12Disgraceful.
26:14Never mind.
26:15Oswald.
26:16Oswald.
26:17Do you realise that makes your initial spell rot?
26:20Never mind about that.
26:21Listen, what time's your driving test?
26:23Oh, at half past one.
26:24All right, well, I'll drive you...
26:25Ah.
26:28Never mind, love.
26:29Georgia driver down.
26:32Won't you, shooting face?
26:34Don't do that.
26:34Right, on a junction or bend,
26:55humpback bridge,
26:56Brow of a hill,
26:57footpath.
26:59Oh, where else can't you park?
27:01Here for a start.
27:02Don't worry, don't worry.
27:0450% of the people
27:05pass the test first time.
27:07That means 50% fail.
27:09That is another way
27:10of looking at it.
27:14Oh, tell you what,
27:15I'll give you a little tip.
27:16Oh, well, perhaps not.
27:19Oh, that looks like an examiner.
27:24LAUGHTER
27:25Drive straight ahead
27:34and left at the lights, please.
27:35Right.
27:38Ignition.
27:41Right.
27:42Um, tuna fish.
27:44Tuna fish.
27:45LAUGHTER
27:45Down.
27:46Right, into gear.
27:48Uh, tuna fish.
27:49LAUGHTER
27:50Uh, beans down.
27:53Beans.
27:55Um, no, no, no,
27:57you're absolutely right.
27:58Um, chunky chicken.
27:59LAUGHTER
28:00And down.
28:01LAUGHTER
28:02LAUGHTER
28:03LAUGHTER
28:04Hold up.
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