- 4 hours ago
The Happy Sleepwalker
McHale's Navy: Season 2, Episode 12
Happy's (Gavin MacLeod) sleepwalking leads Binghamton (Joe Flynn) to ship him out of the combat zone.
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00:00The End
00:30Have a ball tonight, you guys. I'm going to wash up and hit the sack.
00:37Boy, you know, I feel kind of sorry for old Hap. A guy can't be a loner and like it.
00:43Well, that's life, huh?
00:44Sorry, Rita, baby. I'm cheating on you tonight. Got myself a live one.
00:50Uh, Mr. Bell, you are going to be running the gig for me, are you not? Or do I have to paddle over?
00:56Sorry, Skipper, I was just making myself irresistible.
01:00Hey, Skipper, can we hit you right here?
01:02Hold it, hold it, hold it, you bunch of corn-fed Casanovas.
01:07Now, what is this, another raid on a nurse's quarters?
01:09Well, now, wait a minute. You guys know it's against regulations for enlisted men who fraternize with nurses.
01:14Mr. Parker!
01:16Well, check that. You don't exactly fraternize with a female.
01:19Well, now, you know Binghamton's new rule. The next enlisted men who catch you with a nurse goes right in the brig.
01:23Mr. Parker's absolutely right.
01:26You would be breaking regulations and defying Captain Binghamton's authority.
01:31So what are we waiting for? Let's go!
01:32What are we waiting for? Let's go!
02:13Okay, boys.
02:25Shh, shh, shh.
02:28Look at that character, would you?
02:30Sleeping like a baby.
02:31Poor guy, he doesn't know what he missed.
02:33Yeah, hey, what about that new redhead in War III?
02:35Wow, now I know what they mean by socialized medicine.
02:39Okay, you guys.
02:40Shh, shh.
02:41Hey, which one of you guys put the grab on my calendar?
02:43What calendar?
02:45You know what the...
02:46Shh, shh.
02:47You know what calendar, the one that had Betty Grable on it.
02:49Well, don't look at me, Skip.
02:51I wouldn't got anything to do with that, Skip.
02:52Who needs a Betty Grable calendar?
02:54My delicatessen back home is pushing Rita Hayward this morning.
02:58She's gone.
03:00Hey, someone swiped all my caps.
03:02Hey, where's my Alice Faye?
03:03They're all missing, Skip.
03:05Skip, pass on.
03:07I'm reporting violation of Geneva Conventions.
03:10What is it, Fudge?
03:11Somebody swiped my Shari Yamaguchi.
03:14Skip, happy was the only one here.
03:17Come on, what are you talking about?
03:18We're happy to be the last one in the world.
03:21Hey, Skip, look.
03:23Here they are.
03:24Well, I'm a son of a warlight sea servant.
03:28Shh, shh.
03:29He's getting up.
03:30But his eyes are still closed.
03:32Holy Toledo.
03:41He's walking in his sleep.
03:43Come on.
03:59Hey, Skip, he's going into Mr. Parker's hut.
04:02Now he swiped the pen up for Mr. Parker.
04:13Hey, what's going on here?
04:15He took a snapshot of my mother right off the wall.
04:17Mother?
04:18Yeah, the one in her bikini.
04:23Hey, wait a minute.
04:24Wait a minute.
04:24Hold it, hold it, hold it, you guys.
04:26Wait a minute.
04:27I hear it's dangerous to wake up a sleepwalker suddenly.
04:32Ah, that poor guy.
04:33Look at him.
04:35Hey, what happened tonight, anyway?
04:36Why wasn't he with you guys?
04:38Well, same as every night, Skip, he's afraid of anyone who wears skirts.
04:42Yeah, he's got an idea dames don't like him because he's a neckhead.
04:45Not smart like one, just bald like one.
04:48I didn't realize it was that bad.
04:50He's really cracking up.
04:51It's a rough situation, Skip.
04:53Well, what can we do about it, Skip?
04:54Look, don't ask me.
04:55I'm no head shrinker.
04:56But first of all, I say we have to build up his confidence and then get him a date with
05:02a real girl so he won't go chasing him in his sleep.
05:05Affirmative, Skip.
05:06Hap's problem is purely psychological.
05:08I can tell.
05:09I did a lot of work with a Navy psychiatrist when I first joined up.
05:12You did?
05:13Oh, yeah, yeah.
05:14I didn't exactly work with him.
05:16He kind of worked with me.
05:18He'd ask me a lot of questions and then we'd all...
05:23But now, fellas, here's what we do.
05:25Hey, guys, look.
05:35There's a picture of Happy in here.
05:37In a movie magazine?
05:39Oh, you've got to be kidding.
05:40Okay, wise guy.
05:41See for yourself.
05:43Well, I'll be.
05:45Wait a minute.
05:46That's not Happy.
05:48That's Cary Grant.
05:50Sure looks like Happy.
05:51Oh, get that out there, guys.
05:54With my dome.
05:55You're putting me on.
05:57On the level, Hap.
05:58You look enough like him to be his brother.
06:00Oh, come on, Groot.
06:02You don't believe, eh?
06:03Okay, we'll try it on a disinterested bystander.
06:08Mr. Parker.
06:12Hi, you guys.
06:12I was just passing by.
06:15We want your unbiased opinion.
06:17Take a look at Happy and tell us what movie star does he remind you of?
06:21Hey, Cary Grant.
06:24Oh, come up now, Mr. Parker.
06:29Looks like you guys are working around for sick leave.
06:31Where you got it, Hap?
06:33I'm going someplace where I can take a snooze in peace.
06:35I don't know what makes me so tired today.
06:37He ought to be tired.
06:40He was walking all night.
06:42Skip.
06:43All right.
06:46Well?
06:47I don't know if he bought it, Skip.
06:49We sure gave it the hard sell.
06:51And it was all right for openers.
06:53After all, Hap is only human.
06:55And you planted the seed.
06:57And that's what counts.
06:58It'll sprout.
06:58It'll sprout, boys.
06:59Better for him.
07:00A little hair would sprout.
07:01Good morning, Captain.
07:08All right, McHale.
07:10Muster your crew.
07:10I want to talk to them.
07:11Get them in here on the double.
07:12Yes, sir.
07:13All right, all you guys.
07:14Come here on the double now.
07:15Let's go.
07:16All right.
07:16Front side.
07:18There you are, Captain.
07:19Sergeant, the evidence.
07:22Yeah?
07:23McHale, one of your amorous beach boys lost this last night in a raid on the nurses' quarters.
07:29That's a court-martial fence.
07:30Oh, well, Captain, what makes you think it was one of my boys?
07:34Oh, you're a funny man, McHale.
07:35One of their crew, even loosely attached to the Navy, wears Hawaiian shirts.
07:41Sergeant, you recognize the culprit?
07:43Sorry, sir.
07:44It was night, and I only saw him from behind.
07:46Attention!
07:47We're about face!
07:50Now, sir, we have nothing to hide.
07:55Well, don't get cute with me.
07:56Are you going to hand over the guilty man, or aren't you?
08:00Enemy plane coming in low!
08:01Hey, air raid, hit the shuttle.
08:03Come on, boys, let's go.
08:04Come on, Captain, let's go.
08:05Well, hey, that, McHale.
08:06You're not going to wiggle off the hook by staging a pony air raid.
08:09I know an enemy plane when I hear one.
08:11All right, I hear one.
08:12Jumping torpedoes!
08:29Oh, no!
08:32Happy sleepwalking again.
08:34Sleepwalking while he'll draw enemy fire to us.
08:37He showed them where we were.
08:48He showed them where we were.
08:49This man showed them where...
08:50What's the matter with you?
08:54Someone like that could get us all killed in here.
08:56Look at him, he's still asleep.
08:58How long has it been going on?
08:59Well, we just found out last night, sir.
09:00We came back.
09:00Hey, help it out.
09:02Oh, no, no, no.
09:03I see when Haines is all right, sir.
09:04You're saying he's just a little tired.
09:07Now, you see, we were on night maneuvers last night, sir.
09:10I heard about that from the shore patrol.
09:11A man like that is a menace.
09:15There's no place for sleepwalkers in a combat zone.
09:17Ah, but, but, but, but, Captain...
09:18No, you butt out, McHale.
09:19There's going to be a hospital ship here Saturday.
09:21I want that man checked out by a Navy psychiatrist.
09:23That's an order.
09:24All clear, sir.
09:26Thank you, sir.
09:26Very well.
09:27Oh, but, but, but, Captain,
09:28you can't ship out Happy just for a little sleepwalking.
09:31You want to bet?
09:32And he's not the only one that's going to be shipped out
09:33if you don't keep these men away from my nurses.
09:36What a war.
09:36Oh, my God.
09:41Oh, poor Hap.
09:50We got to break him out of sleepwalking habit by Saturday
09:52or he's a goner.
09:53Only one way to do it, Skip.
09:55Get him a date with some cute-looking chick
09:57and make him feel wanted.
09:59Now, that won't be easy.
10:00Hap won't go near a gal, you know,
10:02feeling like he does about his bald noggin.
10:04I don't know why he should.
10:05I don't have any trouble with the women
10:06and I'm getting a little on the naked side topside.
10:09Yeah, yeah, but there must be some way.
10:11All right, gangway.
10:13Oh, excuse me, sir.
10:15Captain forgot the evidence.
10:16How?
10:22Geronimo!
10:25Hmm!
10:31Well, boys, we've lined up Hap's hair.
10:34Now all we need is a gal.
10:37I think you're on firm psychological ground, Commander.
10:40Your man feels rejected by the opposite sex.
10:43This has brought on a trauma
10:44which in turn triggered the sleepwalking.
10:45Now, we counter the trauma with a pleasant experience
10:47and a cure is highly feasible.
10:49Gee, I love that kind of talk.
10:51Yeah, well, that's kind of the idea, Nancy.
10:53And that's where you come in, Anne.
10:55We need your help.
10:56Oh, I'd be glad to help.
10:57But do you think just having a date with me
10:58will cure him?
10:59It's got to.
11:00Or it's bye-bye Happy
11:01when that hospital ship falls in on Saturday morning.
11:03Well, I'll do my best.
11:05But it sounds like a pretty big job to take on a loan.
11:08Oh, you won't have to go it alone, my dear.
11:10I have a tremendous interest in this case.
11:12So if Mr. Parker will escort me,
11:14we'll make it a double date.
11:16Purely in the interest of science, of course.
11:18You and me?
11:19Well, I'm pretty busy.
11:21Well, now, you wouldn't want to see Happy shipped out.
11:23Of course you don't.
11:24Right?
11:24Right.
11:25It's a date.
11:27Huh?
11:27Come on, Anne.
11:38Okay, Lieutenant.
11:39Oh, and thanks for the pills.
11:41Oh, you got a minute.
11:42I want you to meet one of my boys here.
11:44This is Lieutenant Anne Wright, Seaman Happy Haynes.
11:47Glad to meet you.
11:48Yeah.
11:48Oh, well, I have to be running along.
11:51Bye now.
11:52Bye-bye.
11:53Oh, Commander.
11:54Huh?
12:03Come on, come on, come on.
12:05Ah, Happy you're a smash.
12:07Huh?
12:08You know, I got another lover boy on my hands.
12:11You know what she says?
12:12She says you look a little like Cary Grant.
12:14Oh, can I skip it?
12:15Did she say that?
12:16Yeah.
12:16Hey, maybe the guys weren't ripping me after all, huh?
12:21Hey, uh, would you like a date with her?
12:23A date?
12:23Oh, I don't know, Skip.
12:24Well, you got it.
12:27You can make it a doubleheader with Mr. Parker here.
12:29He's got a date with a cute chick.
12:31Huh, Chuck?
12:31Oh, you mean the...
12:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
12:33She's real sharp.
12:34Real sexy.
12:34Oh, now, Skip, it won't work.
12:38Now, what's wrong?
12:39We forgot about this.
12:41From here up, I sure ain't no Cary Grant.
12:43Yeah, well, don't you worry about that, Hap.
12:45The boys are working on that right now.
12:47Oh, ha, ha.
12:48Oh, my God.
13:18Oh, my God.
13:48Yes, sir. You're the new glamour boy of PT-73.
13:51Yes, you look just like Sissu Hayakawa.
13:54Who?
13:55That's Japanese, Cary Grant.
13:59Judy, Judy, Judy.
14:02Yes, sir, Hap. Tonight's the night.
14:04That doll of a lieutenant is gonna flip her stripes.
14:07Look at that.
14:07Hey, guys, condition red. Binghamton's coming.
14:10And I'm going.
14:11What's the rock, Cary?
14:17Ah, hi, Captain.
14:18What are you doing, copy?
14:19Commander, would you hold this for me, please?
14:21Ah, the, uh, lieutenant is posting an official notice for the edification of your cutthroats.
14:28He knows you're bald.
14:29You better think you don't like me.
14:30Official notice.
14:32Nurses' quarters are off limits to all enlisted personnel.
14:36Violators will be shot on sight by order of Captain Wallace B. Binghamton.
14:41This is an official notice to you saltwater Romeos that my Marine Guards are going to be using live ammunition.
14:49Ah, you, uh, you're all hard, Captain.
14:53Attention!
14:58What's that?
15:00Another one of those pesky critters, sir.
15:02Stand back!
15:02They're dangerous!
15:03Get it!
15:05Get it!
15:05Get it!
15:06Get it!
15:07Get it!
15:07Get it!
15:09Get it!
15:09Get it!
15:10Get it!
15:11Get it!
15:12Get it!
15:13Get it!
15:15Got it, sir.
15:17You've got what?
15:18What is that?
15:18What is that?
15:18What is that?
15:19Jungle chipmunks, sir.
15:21They're the biggest ponies in this climate.
15:22I'll be close to it.
15:26All right, but let's get out of here.
15:28This isn't a naval base.
15:29It's a zoo.
15:30Oh, but, sir, you forgot something.
15:33No, I know it.
15:34Quit buzzing in my ear.
15:35What the hell are you doing?
15:37Now, if any of you raunchy Romeos have got any ideas about
15:41sneaking the nurses over here, well, you just forget it.
15:44Because from now on, the nurses are confined to their quarters,
15:47except on a written pass signed by me.
15:50Huh?
15:53That's a real grabber, huh?
15:58Skip, that's not fair.
15:59He can't do that, huh?
16:00He's really got a spark.
16:01Dennis, we can't get to the nurses, and they can't get to us.
16:04Tough luck, half old boy.
16:05Looks like our, I mean, your dates are off.
16:08No, no, no, wait a minute, huh?
16:11I think I got an angle.
16:13Hey, Virg, you're pretty big with the girls around here.
16:16Now, where do you take them on a date when you don't want to get caught?
16:19Well, now, that's a professional secret, Skip.
16:20Come on, give, you swab, this is for happy.
16:24All right, Skip, my number one rendezvous is the fire shack down by the ammunition dump.
16:29A lot of privacy, and no one goes there unless there's a fire.
16:32Ah, well, that's it then, Hap.
16:34Hey, Groove, let me have that hairpiece, boy.
16:39Hey, boy, it's going to be a hot time in the old fire shack tonight.
16:47Sure is hot today.
16:48It's not half as hot as it's going to be for the guy that stole my wig.
16:52When I catch him, I'm going to tear him apart.
16:56Hey, girls, it's all clear.
16:58I think that's keeping him busy.
17:01Well, good luck, girls.
17:02And remember, you'll have to turn it on for happy,
17:04or you really got a shy one there.
17:06Hey, this way.
17:18Well, uh, it's refreshment time.
17:22Now, you two sit right down here.
17:24Come on, happy.
17:25And we'll go get some ice.
17:27Oh, well, don't you think we are?
17:33Why don't you sit over here, happy?
17:36Well, I don't want to crowd you.
17:38Anson, this is a crisis.
17:45Well, I know I tried to tell you there's no ice in here.
17:48No, I mean, Seaman Haynes.
17:49Oh.
17:50At this rate, we'll never dissipate his trauma.
17:52You and I will just have to show them the way.
17:54Right.
17:54Nothing real obvious, of course.
17:55Just a man embrace or two.
17:57Yeah, well, then.
17:58Oh, oh, oh, Lieutenant.
18:00Why, you can't expect an Anson of the United States Navy
18:02to neck in front of enlisted personnel.
18:03Just pull yourself together, Anson.
18:05This is purely scientific.
18:06There's absolutely no emotion involved.
18:08Like this.
18:10Oh.
18:11Well, now, that's not bad.
18:12You see?
18:12Purely platonic.
18:13But perhaps it will stimulate Seaman Haynes enough
18:15to overcome his inhibitions.
18:17Right.
18:17Now, let's see if you've got it.
18:19Uh, right.
18:23I thought they went for ice.
18:30Captain, sir.
18:31Ah, what's the matter with you?
18:32Well, you know I'm not a well man.
18:34I'm a big sneak.
18:34What do you want?
18:35Sorry, sir.
18:36But two nurses are reported missing from their quarters.
18:39I knew it.
18:40I knew McHale was up to something.
18:41Get my Jeep.
18:42We'll search the island.
18:43Well, don't just stand there.
18:44Move, move, move.
18:46Look, Lieutenant.
18:48You can't do this.
18:49You ought to read your manual.
18:51Besides, you said it was for science.
18:53Away with science.
18:55Overpower me.
18:55Show them the way.
18:56Oh, I thank you.
19:00Hey, you don't have to.
19:00They're already there.
19:02Gee, I never thought it would be like this.
19:08It's even better than just dreaming about it.
19:10Oh, I think you're just wonderful, Happy.
19:21Well, now you know the awful truth.
19:24And you don't have to say anything.
19:25I know I'm repulsive.
19:27Oh, stop it, Happy.
19:29You're sweet and gentle.
19:31And I like you.
19:33This doesn't make any difference.
19:35Do you mean it?
19:35Of course.
19:36Hey, Happy.
19:37Did you hear that?
19:38She liked you just the way you are.
19:40Bold as an old doorknob.
19:42Well, case dismissed.
19:44Well, I don't need that wig after all do I, Ann.
19:46Well, I...
19:47Let me use it.
19:49Okay, boys.
19:56Now, we'll stay here off the ammo dump until the party's open and we'll pick them up.
20:04Holy jumping kamikazes!
20:07The captain!
20:07He's coming down the road to the shack.
20:09Oh, what a spot.
20:10Well, we'll never get him out of there now, Skip.
20:12The captain walks into that love nest to blow his top of the ammunition and dump with it.
20:16What'd you say?
20:17I said if the captain...
20:17That's what I thought you said.
20:19Boys, it's our only chance.
20:22Willie, break out the smoke grenades.
20:23You boys, man in the 50s.
20:25You're not gonna blow up the ammo dump, are you?
20:27Well, of course not.
20:28But we gotta make it look that way.
20:30Come on, don't you stay in there.
20:31Move, move, move.
20:33Hey.
20:34Well, of course, I can get a little air.
20:35It's getting kind of warm in here, isn't it?
20:36Come back here, you barely answering you.
20:38Hey.
20:40It's Captain Binghamton.
20:43Oh, no.
20:43We're dead.
20:44He's got that stuff kit in the storage room.
20:47Come on, girls.
20:48Yeah.
20:52Hey, you guys better hide.
20:59You hear a noise in here, carpenter?
21:01I'm not sure, sir, but...
21:02Watch out, sir.
21:03Watch out.
21:04It's one of those jungle chipmunks, sir.
21:05Watch out.
21:06Stay in the back, sir.
21:09Let's do it.
21:10I'm sorry, sir, but I could have sworn it was one of those jungle chipmunks.
21:20Oh, any nitwit can see that's a toupee.
21:30Now, will you forget about this stupid thing and let's find those nurses.
21:34Go look at the storage room.
21:36What happened there?
21:37The chipmunk's on fire.
21:39Fire.
21:39Fire.
21:40Fire.
21:42Fire.
21:43Fire in the ammunition, sir.
21:44Fire.
21:45That's the stupid voice.
21:47He'll get us out of this.
21:48Fire.
21:49Fire in the ammunition, sir.
21:50Oh, God.
21:51They're starting to see a flame.
21:53What are you doing?
21:54That's a good thing I saw the smoke from the boat, sir.
21:56Here.
21:57Here.
21:57Get one of these answers.
21:58Quick.
21:59Hurry up there.
22:00Uh-oh, there goes the small arms ammo.
22:06Oh, sir, it's hitting the .50 caliber ammunition.
22:08Here.
22:08Hit the deck, sir.
22:09Hit the deck.
22:10Hit the deck.
22:11What a big stuff blows.
22:13Keep down there, sir.
22:15It's going to blow any minute.
22:17Yes, they're right down there, sir.
22:19Stay down.
22:20Stay down.
22:21Keep down.
22:22Yeah.
22:23Who are those people?
22:24Oh, wait, wait.
22:24That's, uh, we're volunteers, sir.
22:26Come.
22:27Stay down.
22:27We're volunteers.
22:33Get down, Captain.
22:34It's going to blow.
22:35Stay right down there now, sir.
22:37Stay down.
22:38Stay down.
22:40Oh, you see ammo just went off, sir?
22:43Yes, sir.
22:44Oh, Gruber.
22:46Gruber.
22:46How's it going out there?
22:48All clear, sir.
22:49Get the blaze under control.
22:50Well done, Gruber.
22:53Well done, men.
22:54Here, let me help you out of this, Captain.
22:55There you go.
22:57Here.
22:58How about that, huh?
22:59McHale, you saved my life.
23:02When I think of all the nasty things that I've said about you,
23:05then you'd run into a blazing inferno to save me.
23:10You don't have to cry, Captain.
23:12No, I don't care.
23:13Kind of get the fellas.
23:15Let's go outside and see how much damage it is.
23:17There you go, Captain.
23:23How about what now?
23:23Now, it's just for your protection, sir.
23:25Yes, sir.
23:26In case the sparks outside.
23:27Yes, sir.
23:29Bless you, McHale.
23:30Hold it out of my hand.
23:31There we go.
23:32All right.
23:32There we go, sir.
23:33Oh, I tell you.
23:34Oh, McHale, where did you go, Captain?
23:36Hey, Skip, shouldn't Happy be out by now?
23:44Yeah, that hedge-franker's had him under observation all night.
23:47Uh, relax, boys.
23:50Here he comes.
23:51Hey, hey!
23:52And he's walking tall!
23:56Commander, it is my pleasure to report that the Navy psychiatrist has found Seaman Haynes fit for duty.
24:01Oh, that's wonderful.
24:02Welcome home, old buddy.
24:03Thanks, Skip.
24:04Hey, you know, that doctor's really a kook.
24:06He sat up all night just watching me snore.
24:08Yeah, it seems he had some strange idea that Happy walked in his sleep.
24:12Walked in his sleep?
24:13That's ridiculous.
24:16Hey, look, I'll see you guys later, huh?
24:18If it's okay with you, Skip, I got a date with Ann.
24:20Sure, go right ahead, lover boy.
24:22We found a new rendezvous.
24:23It's underneath the old water tower.
24:24Oh?
24:25Come on, Chucky, you adorable little chubbins, you.
24:31Oh, well, I can't leave the ship.
24:32Skip, tell her I can't leave the ship.
24:34I'm going to wait.
24:34Nancy, control yourself!
24:35And now we'll try to help you.
24:45We'll try to help you.
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25:34
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25:37
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25:34
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25:33
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