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McHale's Navy - S02E10 - The August Teahouse of Quint McHale
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00:00The End
00:01Get along, get home no more
00:03Hey, hold it down there, poor.
00:05You're going to wake up Fuji.
00:07Hey, he needs to sleep.
00:08He works hard enough as it is for us.
00:09What sleep?
00:10Look, there's a light on in his shack.
00:15Come on.
00:30I bet 3,000 yen.
00:38I think you're bluffing.
00:40See your 3,000 yen, and raise your 5,000 yen.
00:52I've had enough. I go to bed.
00:55Good night.
01:00God.
01:10Yeah.
01:11While we're out having a blast, he's left over here all alone as usual.
01:16I wouldn't blame the guy for going stir-crazy.
01:18Well, Skip, I hate to interject, but prisoners of war can't go to parties.
01:22They can't go to a party.
01:24But, uh, is there anything wrong in us bringing him one?
01:28That's a great idea, Skip.
01:31Why don't we give an authentic Japanese tea party with all the trimmings?
01:34Authentic costumes, food, the works.
01:36Hey, that's good, too.
01:38That'd be fun.
01:39Before that gritty little mine of yours starts working, this is gonna be at cost, right?
01:43Of course, Skip.
01:44Pooge is one of us. Family rates.
01:46Come on, that guy.
01:48Shh.
01:49This is supposed to be a surprise.
01:51You don't want Pooge in here, do you?
01:52Yeah, you guys heard the skipper?
01:53Now, shh.
01:54Let's move on.
01:55.
02:04.
03:05Oh, how can I go away and let the face be at the mercy of McHale and his bell-bottom Dillinger's?
03:09Sir!
03:11Ow!
03:12Look what you did.
03:13You always got this salute.
03:14I hate a square lieutenant.
03:16Look what you did now.
03:17You made it go up.
03:18I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but I have a theft to report.
03:21We just took warehouse inventory, sir, and we are missing.
03:23Twelve parachutes, two sides of pork, ten pounds of tea, and forty pounds of rice.
03:26Oh, I know.
03:29You want me to take a leave.
03:30I'll take a leave.
03:30You hear that?
03:31You know who that is?
03:31That's McHale.
03:32Let's go.
03:33Now, we just got to look through you.
03:34Yeah, you'll have to go with us.
03:35Well, one authentic Japanese kimono made with American know-how.
03:47I think we got too much parachute, Skip.
03:49Yeah, maybe you ought to take up a little bit on the ribcord, huh?
03:53Hey, Groob, can you do something about these sleeves?
03:55I hear they're wearing them shorter this year.
03:57Complaints, complaints.
03:58How can an artist work on their oldies pressures?
04:00Really, snip it off, will you?
04:02Come on, not with me in it.
04:03And I wanted hemp sticks.
04:06Hey, Chuck, how you doing?
04:08Oh, Ohio.
04:09It's a good skipper, son.
04:11Oh, I'm sorry.
04:12Hey, that's terrific, Chuck.
04:14Oh, boy, is food you're going to be surprised when we spring all this on them.
04:18Mr. Parker, where did you learn how to speak Japanese?
04:20Here.
04:21In my sleep.
04:22In your sleep?
04:23Well, sleep.
04:23Yeah, I just got these Japanese sleep teach records from the States.
04:27Boy, if we don't win a war pretty soon, I'm going into espionage.
04:30On whose side?
04:31Oh, that's pretty funny, Sido.
04:32That's insubordination.
04:33All right, all right, okay.
04:34Hold it, hold it, you samurai.
04:36Now, listen, how does this work, boy?
04:37Well, it's pretty simple.
04:38You just take one of these records and put it on the phonograph,
04:41and then when you go to sleep at night, you just flip this switch,
04:43and when your old head hits the pillow.
04:48Good morning, Ohio.
04:49How are you today?
04:51Would you call me a taxi cab?
04:56Taxi o yon de kuremasenka?
04:58Hey, I like that one.
04:59Shook him in handy at Ebbets Field.
05:01Taxi o yon de kuremasenka.
05:02Ah, get lost, you bum.
05:05All right, all right.
05:06Guys, I gotta study.
05:07Besides, I'm working on my speech to welcome Fuji to our little tea party.
05:10I'll just bow and say,
05:11What does that mean?
05:19It means, I have a little bluebird in my pencil box.
05:24Hey, listen, we better be keeping an eye out for food.
05:26Hey, I tell you what, you guys keep doing what you're doing,
05:29I'm gonna take up some, uh, I'll take some rifles up for them to clean.
05:32That ought to keep them busy for the rest of the afternoon.
05:34Sneak up on those pirates from behind.
05:46All right, Fudge.
05:48All right, Skippa-san.
05:50I've finished.
05:51Can go back to camp now?
05:52Oh, good, good.
05:53Oh, no, no, no, I'll take the coconuts back.
05:55Look, you stay here and clean up these rifles, okay?
05:59That's a good point.
06:00Okay.
06:04Did you see that?
06:14All right, Fudge, what are you doing back here?
06:15Oh, I'm sorry, Skippa-san.
06:17Oh, pop.
06:19Sounds like we got vistas.
06:21Head for that cave in the hill.
06:22Go on.
06:25The tail is out there.
06:27He is swapping the enemy rifles for coconuts.
06:31Seek better than I hoped for.
06:33Take a look at that.
06:34You're my witness.
06:42Your witness, sir?
06:43Yes, witness at the court-martial court-martial swapping a Japanese sailor rifles for coconuts.
06:49That's crazy.
06:54All right, Skippa-san.
06:56I've got you this time, you trainer.
06:58First Japanese.
06:59Where's it?
07:00Not so loud, sir.
07:02You'll disturb the yellow-bellied sapsuckers.
07:06Don't you get smart with me, McHale, and don't you move.
07:09You're under arrest.
07:11Arrest, sir?
07:12For bird-watching?
07:13You're not going to wiggle out of this one, McHale.
07:16I saw you trading our rifles to a nip sailor for coconuts.
07:21And carpenter, here's my witness, right?
07:23Well, sir, I got caught on that bush with my gun belt, and I didn't read her.
07:26When I ask a direct question, I want a direct answer.
07:30Yes, sir.
07:32All right, then.
07:33See?
07:33You did see him trading the coconuts for the rifles.
07:36No, sir.
07:38How dare you contradict your commanding officer.
07:41Sir, now, now, now, now.
07:43Wait a minute, sir.
07:44Look, there's nobody here but me and that yellow-bellied sapsucker.
07:48Then you're both under arrest for treason.
07:50As you get moving, and that nip is around here somewhere, I'm going to find him if I have to search the entire area.
07:54Here, nip.
07:55Here, nip.
07:55Now, no, no, no.
07:56Just a second.
07:58Captain Binghamton!
08:00Okay, if you keep your voice down, stop it.
08:03Or anything you say, Captain Binghamton!
08:06I'll cut that out!
08:07That's an order!
08:08Yes, sir!
08:09Wait, that was the skipper's voice.
08:11Okay, he's running to Binghamton.
08:12Quick, let's get rid of this stuff.
08:13No, he did.
08:14Yeah, there, he must have it.
08:17Mr. Parker!
08:17Mr. Parker!
08:18Condition red!
08:19Binghamton's coming!
08:20Tashi!
08:20Tashi!
08:21Tashi!
08:21Tashi!
08:22Who needs a taxi at this time?
08:23Let's get out of here!
08:25Quiet, carpenter.
08:26We're getting near that nest of traitors.
08:30Oh, jippy-toe, I'll let you have it.
08:37All right, now, men, this is a machine gun.
08:39Now, it's capable of firing 1,940 rounds per minute.
08:45Now, that's a lot of...
08:47That is a lot of rounds, don't I?
08:48All right, you bunch of Mercado lovers on your feet.
08:50I got you covered.
08:51All right, you Mercado lovers on your feet.
08:52You heard them.
08:53I don't move.
08:53I got you covered.
08:54Right.
08:55Oh, Virgil's not covered.
08:56Virgil, you better get covered, boy.
08:58No ticks, no ticks.
08:59Uh, well, now, now, now, fellas, uh, the captain here thinks that he saw a Japanese sailor on
09:04our island.
09:05A Japanese sailor, sir, on this island?
09:07Ha!
09:08Yes, a Japanese sailor, sir, on this island.
09:10Ha!
09:11And I got your front man here trading him rifles for coconuts.
09:14Oh, well, I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
09:16You see, according to Navy regulations, Article 1, Paragraph 21, well, that's strictly against
09:21rules, but, of course, now, they don't say anything about coconuts.
09:24I'm not going to wait for any firing squad.
09:26I'm going to let him have it right here.
09:28Now, now, Captain, no sense questioning.
09:30These men are all in this thing together.
09:31Carpenter!
09:32I want a squad of Marines over here.
09:34But, sir...
09:35Conley, double!
09:36Yes, sir.
09:37I'm not...
09:37You men, you just freeze.
09:39Not one of you move.
09:41You move.
09:41That's how you move.
09:42You move.
09:42You move.
09:43We'll do it again.
09:49Here they come.
09:51I tell you, boy, somewhere on this island, there is a Japanese sailor.
09:56He is carrying three American rifles, and we are not going to leave here until we find
10:02them.
10:04Are you all right, sir?
10:05Oh, it's a blasted headache again.
10:08And you're not helping me, Emmy.
10:10I've got to lie down for a few minutes.
10:13I'll take Parker's head.
10:14It's got the least chance of being contaminated.
10:17Yes, sir.
10:18Have a good rest.
10:22Hey, you mind Japanese records.
10:23I better...
10:25I think I'm going to forget about it.
10:29Have a good rest, he says.
10:36Here I am surrounded by spies, traitors, Japanese.
10:43You can rest in a time like this.
10:46Good morning.
10:49Oh, how are you today?
10:52How are you?
10:53Would you call me a taxi cab?
10:56Taxi cab?
10:57Here comes Carpenter with the doctor.
11:05This may give us a chance.
11:07Hey, doc, I'd like to talk to you.
11:09Come on.
11:09Yeah, I've got a couple of things to say, too.
11:13Ow.
11:14That's one of them.
11:16I'm sure glad you got here, doc.
11:18Boy, the boy's sure upset.
11:19Did Carpenter tell you?
11:20The captain is acting strange.
11:22Yeah, the carpenter told me something about this charge of treason.
11:25Uh-huh.
11:25Yeah, Bampton slipped his lead.
11:27He's going island happy.
11:28Yeah, doc, you better call the paddy wagon.
11:30All around out here, but anyway, I...
11:34Oh, quick, boy.
11:36What are you doing here anyway?
11:37Wow, wow, wow, wow.
11:38Well, the carpenter told me about this treason charge, Wally, and I...
11:42Well, exactly what happened between you and McHale?
11:45Well, that's an open and shut case.
11:47I just caught Benedict Arnold here trading our rifles for coconuts with the Japanese sailors.
11:52Oh, now, come on, Captain.
11:53You, you can't it.
11:54Ohio, Ohio.
11:55I can't get the sugar.
11:56Yes, don't you forget that.
12:00Said he was out there watching a yellow-bellied sapsucker.
12:03Of course, that's ridiculous.
12:04So I just looked him right in the eye and I said to him,
12:07Tashuki, I am the Karamasinka.
12:10Anyway, there's no doubt that he...
12:12Whitmore, are you listening to me?
12:14Why are you all staring at me?
12:17Nothing, Captain.
12:19I'm just wondering, uh...
12:20Since when do you speak Japanese?
12:23Japanese?
12:24But are you crazy?
12:26I don't speak any Japanese.
12:28But you just did so.
12:29You just heard you.
12:31Oh, you just...
12:31This is the most utterly ridiculous...
12:33Carpenter, did you hear me speak any Japanese?
12:36I'm afraid so, sir.
12:37There, you see, Carpenter...
12:38When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.
12:40This is absolutely ridiculous.
12:43I am going to call Comfleet Intelligence
12:45and have them send a search team over here.
12:48And when I tell them...
12:49Oh, they'll be right over.
12:53Oh, come on, Captain.
12:54Doctor, can't you be...
12:55No, he can't.
12:57I'm still in charge here.
12:59And as far as I'm concerned, McHale,
13:01you're just a...
13:01I'll get this get taxi.
13:03Come on, Captain.
13:05You speak Japanese.
13:06That's the most ridiculous...
13:07What kind of a doctor are you?
13:09Well, Skip, what do we do?
13:14Yeah, if those Intelligence boys show up,
13:17Fuji's a goner.
13:18Yeah, and that's with them.
13:19Yeah, I know, I know.
13:20We've only got one chance.
13:23Huh.
13:24Now, you know, Carpy and the Doc both think
13:28that old Leadbottom's got a case of the Jungle Jollies.
13:31Now, if we can only convince Binghamton,
13:33maybe he'll call off those Intelligence boys.
13:35How do we do that, Skip?
13:36Oh, questions, always questions.
13:38We've got to shake them up good, that's why.
13:41Sort of like, uh...
13:42Sort of like gaslight him.
13:47Yeah.
13:48And I've got a few ideas on that subject.
13:50Come on with me, you bunch of spook.
13:52Come on.
14:04Abel Baker, the Blue Leader.
14:06Abel Baker, the Blue Leader.
14:08Over.
14:09Blue Leader, this is Blue Leader.
14:11Come in, Abel Baker.
14:12We're now directly under Captain Binghamton's window.
14:15Okay, men.
14:17We are about to begin
14:18Operation Gaslight.
14:20Abel Baker, the Blue Leader, Phase 1 just completed.
14:29Ready for Phase 2 anytime you are.
14:33All right, boys.
14:47This is it.
14:48Ready on a firing line?
14:49Ready, Skip.
14:50Fire 1.
14:53Fire 1.
15:00Fire 2.
15:11Fire 3.
15:12Fire 2.
15:13Fire 2.
15:13Fire 2.
15:13Fire 2.
15:14Fire 2.
15:14Fire 2.
15:14Fire 2.
15:15Fire 2.
15:15Fire 2.
15:16Fire 2.
15:16Fire 2.
15:17Fire 2.
15:17Fire 2.
15:18Fire 2.
15:18Fire 2.
15:19Fire 2.
15:19Fire 2.
15:20Fire 2.
15:20Fire 2.
15:21Fire 2.
15:21Fire 2.
15:22Fire 2.
15:22Fire 2.
15:23Fire 2.
15:23Fire 2.
15:24Fire 2.
15:24Fire 2.
15:25Fire 2.
15:26Fire 2.
15:26Fire 2.
15:27Fire 2.
15:28Fire 2.
15:29Fire 2.
15:30Fire 2.
15:31Fire 2.
15:32Fire 2.
15:33Fire 2.
15:34Fire 2.
15:35Fire 2.
15:36Fire 2.
15:37Fire 2.
15:38Fire 2.
16:09I told you, it is the monsoon, the whole island is going to be washed away.
16:19Check your rifle or something, you know, just stand around there in the middle of a thing like this going on.
16:39It's been a nightmare.
16:53I've had a dream.
16:59I'm in a cold sweat.
17:02Thank you for the cold sweat.
17:03Well, I never think we'll get any sleep now.
17:13Phase two complete, ready for phase three.
17:22Okay, Chuck, let's hit it.
17:25Myo, let's hit it.
17:28It's okay.
17:30I have two feet hurt.
17:34I avez Configure.
17:43Japanese!
17:45We're being attacked!
17:47Japanese out there!
17:49Japanese!
17:51Japanese!
17:53Oh, I got them!
17:55I got them! I got them!
17:57Two of what? Two Japanese!
17:59I told you, this whole island is crawling with the Japanese.
18:01They're gonna sneak up on me, these Japanese.
18:03I got them.
18:05They're right. Just a minute.
18:07I'll show you the bus.
18:09Did you see two Japanese run out of here?
18:11No sir, I didn't even see the rain.
18:13The guards told us about the monsoon, Wally.
18:15And now there's Pete. Give me the rifle, thank you.
18:17Please, get back in here.
18:19That's the bad dream that you've been having.
18:21And I'm sure you'll be a lot more comfortable without the hat.
18:25Things will look much better in the morning, so just get to sleep, sir.
18:27Get to sleep.
18:29I like to sleep. I want to sleep.
18:31I'd love to sleep.
18:33I don't care. Close my eyes.
18:35With all this, you're...
18:39Now boys, here comes the clincher.
18:41Now we begin our own little sleep teaching class.
18:47Captain Bigupton.
18:49Captain Bigupton.
18:51Listen carefully.
18:53There are Japanese on McHale's Island.
18:55There are Japanese on McHale's Island.
18:59You must go to McHale's Island to catch the Japanese.
19:11I must go to McHale's Island to catch the Japanese.
19:15You must leave now.
19:17I must leave now?
19:21I must leave now?
19:23I must go to McHale's Island to get the Japanese to McHale's Island.
19:29I must go to McHale's Island.
19:31I must go to McHale's Island.
19:33I must go to McHale's Island.
19:35I must go now.
19:37I'll get the jacket.
19:45Sir?
19:46I must go to McHale's Island.
19:47But, sir.
19:48I must go now.
19:49But it's 5 a.m., sir.
19:51I must go to McHale's Island.
19:53I must go now.
20:15Let's go.
20:19So, we have unexpected games.
20:27What's going on here?
20:29Welcome to Imperial Japanese Naval Base.
20:32Allow me to introduce most unworthy self.
20:36I am Imperial Commander Quintishi Mikheilakawa.
20:45Quintishi Mikheilakawa?
20:47Thank you, McHale.
20:48I'm so sally, but I'm Mikheilakawa.
20:51And this, my most humble PT boat crew.
20:54Just completed 50 mission.
20:56Something is wrong here.
21:06Ah, Ohio.
21:07Ikagadeska.
21:08Come on, there, sir.
21:09Allow me to introduce most honorable executive officer, Chakashito Parkamura.
21:20Ah.
21:21Greetings, Yankee dogs.
21:25Yankee?
21:26This is Parker.
21:28I never heard of honorable him.
21:30No, I, Parkamura.
21:32Yeah.
21:33So sorry I late for tea party.
21:35I trying to get Bluebird out of pencil box.
21:39That tough teriyaki.
21:41Ah, bring kamona for honorable guest.
21:49Must remove Shu for tea ceremony.
21:51What?
21:52Refuse tea ceremony?
21:53What?
21:54Refuse tea ceremony?
21:57Insult to descendants of Samurai.
22:01Yankee, why you die?
22:06Hey!
22:07Get carried away.
22:08Mr. Parker's the only head I've got.
22:09What?
22:12Oh, God!
22:13Thank goodness you're here.
22:14How many marines have you got with you?
22:15Well, just this one guard's here.
22:16That's a lot that'll have to do.
22:17Come on, follow me.
22:18But where, sir?
22:19Where?
22:20There, Mikhail.
22:21Mikhail is really Japanese.
22:22The whole island is filled with Japanese.
22:24We'll spread out.
22:25We'll surround them.
22:26They're right in the middle of a tea break.
22:29Oh, sir.
22:30You gotta follow him, sir.
22:31That rifle's loaded.
22:32Oh, come on.
22:34One, two, three.
22:37One, two.
22:38A bunch of nips.
22:39Get them up.
22:40Oh, well, good morning, Captain.
22:42I don't know the boys have them up as far as they can go, sir.
22:45Well, how about...
22:46What's going on here?
22:47Where's Mikhail Akawa?
22:48And there's a Japanese PT boat crew.
22:50They're all here.
22:51They're wearing kimonas and drinking tea.
22:53But...
22:54Japanese kimonas?
22:56Tea?
22:57But, Captain, it's five o'clock in the morning.
22:59We just had Reveille, sir.
23:01And now it's time for calisthenics.
23:03No, no, no, no, no.
23:04They were Japanese.
23:05Yeah.
23:06Parker, you saw.
23:07Japanese boy.
23:08Tell me you saw the Japanese.
23:09Well, also, there's nobody here but us Yankees.
23:10But if you want a cup of tea, I'll get you one, sir.
23:12No, no, no.
23:13No, no, no.
23:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23:16I mean...
23:17I don't speak, Jeff.
23:20Why would I say that?
23:22Oh, my head.
23:22Oh, the planes.
23:23The planes are coming back up to me, Doctor.
23:25Doctor, I need leave.
23:27I need to go to Cune of Taladonia badly, Doctor.
23:29I need lots to leave and a little love.
23:31Please, Doctor, please.
23:32Please.
23:33Hey, Doctor, please.
23:37Oh, no, we did it.
23:40Ah, the big cleveries of Malacan.
23:42And now, a toast to our guest of honor.
23:52To the honorable Takeo Fujiwara,
23:54known to us all affectionately
23:56as our dear friend and prisoner, Fuji.
24:05I'll be back in a minute, Carpenter.
24:07I just can't leave for New Caledonia
24:09without apologizing to McHale
24:10for those terrible things
24:11that I said about it.
24:16Muji, the imbigo pizzu ne?
24:19How we tore you off?
24:20Oh, McHale, I just wanted to tell you.
24:24La, la, la.
24:33What happened, sir?
24:34You're white as a sheet.
24:35What did you see there?
24:36Nothing, nothing.
24:36I didn't see anything.
24:37I didn't see anything at all.
24:38Get me New Caledonia.
24:39Quick, quick, quick, quick.
24:39Shut up, shut up, shut up.
24:41I had a seat.
24:43I'm going to be a...
24:50I didn't see anything at all.
24:53I don't know.
24:54I'm not sure.
24:54I don't know.
24:56I'm not sure.
24:58I don't know.
24:59I want to know.
25:00I don't know.
25:01I don't know.
25:01I don't know.
25:02I don't know.
25:02I don't know.
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