- 2 days ago
When a Combat Photographer is assigned to the 73, to get some footage of the Crew in action, Gruber borrows his movie camera to use in a money-making scheme.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:11Presto another group of masterpiece. Okay, next. Okay, your five bucks is paid, but don't try to date any of the scenery
00:22All right, boy, let's have a big smile watch the birdie I
00:27Said the birdie
00:31Hey Gruber skipper said to get his gig ready captain being gonna want to see his main side sure sure mr. Parker in a minute now say cheese I
00:39Said say cheese you look more like you're smelling it. Hey, brother, this all it
00:44Okay
00:45Hey Gruber the skipper's mind turning just a little bit to the left and hold it
00:51I'm a commission officer and you're enlisted man and what you got a pretty good thing going for you. Mr. Parker. What are you complaining about?
00:56Am I moving what we used to bit you in my light?
01:02You're my light skipper skipper
01:05Weren't you told to get my gig ready sure skipper, but I got customers waiting after all isn't this who we're fighting for free speech free and
01:12All right suppose you really make it free suppose you give these guys back all their money cut
01:18Okay, boys, what are you standing around for us a war going on?
01:22Hey, hey, oh the little moneymaker one gig coming up sir
01:26I
01:56Oh
02:13Hi Kevin, you want to see me
02:17Not if I can help it McHale, but it seems I can never help it
02:21Photographers mate Sweeney. This is commander McHale. This is ensign partner. Yes, really do sir. Hi nice meeting you nice meeting you
02:28Oh, good to meet you. All right. All right. All right
02:31You'll be serving tea and cookies
02:33Sweeney here is on a top priority mission from the Pentagon
02:36It seems that there are some VIPs there that are questioning the value of PT boats to the war effort what?
02:42Yes, the Admiral wants to show them how wrong they are by sending back some film of our PT boats in action
02:47Well, if it's action they want captain action, they'll get yes, sir
02:51You're in luck son. My crew is a bunch of blooming matinee idols
02:55Right, I've had a lot of experience acting in college be right up my alley
02:58I mean that player had the lead in it
02:59Well, lady window
03:00Never mind lady window there
03:03Now McHale this mission could meet another stripe for me, so you better not foul it up now. Do you read me?
03:10Like a book sir. Well, don't miss the fine print
03:13Unfortunately, all you have to do is cooperate with Sweeney here
03:16Sweeney is an expert combat photographer. I've got his file right here in front of me
03:23He personally filmed the battle of Topanga
03:27Very good
03:27Kenny
03:30You forgot to put the film in your camera?
03:34There was so much noise and the people were pushing and shoving
03:39Pushing and shoving?
03:40Well, that could happen. Boy, I've seen a lot of guys get excited and they
03:43Shut up!
03:43Shoving
03:47He also shot the beach head of salt at Tubagi with
03:52With your lens cap still on?
03:55Well, sir, um, I can explain that. You see, it was raining and I thought that the rain
03:59Oh my gosh, he's got a worse service record than I do
04:01Knock it out
04:03Nit wit isn't enough now, I've got twins
04:07Oh, somebody up there's got to hate me
04:09I can have a few down here
04:10You're mumbling, stop mumbling when I'm topping you, you're mumbling
04:13Yes, sir
04:13Now you listen to me sailor and you listen to me, good
04:16You may be a combat photographer now, but if you foul up this mission, I'm going to have you shooting pictures underwater in six feet of cement
04:26All right, now McHale, you and Sweeney and the rest of your pirates are on standby alert
04:30You will move out just as soon as intelligence reports any enemy activity in this area, is that clear?
04:35All right, you heard the man, yes, sir
04:37Come on boys, let's go
04:38Bye-bye, Captain, bye
04:43You don't have to worry, I'll get your pictures for you
04:47Sweeney, sir, don't you forget something?
04:50Oh, yes, sir
05:00I'll send somebody in, sir
05:05Hey, come here, you guys
05:11Hey, Willie
05:14Hey, fellas, this is Sweeney
05:16He's going to take movies of us in action
05:18Hey, movies, I'm going to be in a movie
05:20Hey, look at me, I'm a movie star
05:23Fellas, fellas, I'm sorry, you don't understand
05:24I'm not allowed to take any personal photographs
05:26It's just action shots
05:28Well, action, I'll get you out of here
05:29Hey, you guns, what are you talking about, man?
05:31I'm prettier than you are
05:33Listen to them, huh
05:34Our crew, the actors
05:35Come on, you guys
05:37Sweeney's got enough problems without you slobs driving them batty
05:40I'll give them a hand
05:41They're unloading at that mobile lab unit there
05:43And set it up over there pronto
05:45You hear?
05:45Let's go, man, let's move it
05:47Let's go
05:47Don't forget, son
05:49Listen to those guys talk
05:51What's the matter, don't you want to be in the movies?
05:52Are you kidding?
05:53Did Daryl Zanuck, did L.B. Mayer?
05:55Nah, they were smart
05:57They knew the big money was in making movies
05:59Boy, what Gruber's photo service couldn't do with that little baby?
06:02Oh, oh, oh, please
06:06Nobody's supposed to handle this but me
06:08It's Navy property
06:09Boy, if something ever happened to this, would I catch it?
06:11Well, what could happen?
06:12All I want to do is look at it
06:14Son, the last man that Gruber said that to is a radio operator
06:18Who now has to yell out his messages
06:20Gosh, it sure is nice of you guys to help me unpack
06:33Especially after I wouldn't let you handle the camera
06:34Ah, think nothing of it, Sweeney
06:36We're not ones for carrying grudges
06:38In fact, to prove it
06:40Tinker here is going to take you on a personally conducted all day deluxe tour of the whole island
06:45You'll see all the sights, including lovely native girls swimming in lily pond
06:50And, uh, nothing much else
06:53I'd sure love to go
06:55But what about the mission?
06:57Suppose we have to scramble and I'm not here
06:58That Captain Bingham
06:59Ah, don't you worry about a thing
07:01Look, in case of an alert, I'll send up a flare
07:04Hey, you guys better shove off
07:05It's almost the hour of the bath
07:08If you're sure you'll get me back on time
07:10Would I lie to you?
07:11Oh, I gotta find a safe place to put the camera
07:14Just leave it to old Gruber
07:16Voila!
07:18Your own personal safe deposit box
07:22Well, I'm gonna put the film in there too
07:24Sure, sure
07:33Now you know where everything is
07:35Safe and sound
07:36All right, you guys better get going
07:37You got a big day ahead of you
07:39Have fun and don't hurry back
07:41Any time during the war, I'll be okay
07:51What a brain, what a brain
07:53Gruber, you're a genius
07:55How do you work this thing?
07:56Okay, next
08:11Hey, I ain't through yet
08:13What do you want for $10?
08:14A double feature?
08:14Come on, I got people waiting
08:15Hey, Gruber, we're doing great
08:17But I don't get it
08:17How are we gonna get this stuff developed?
08:19It's simple
08:19All we gotta do is put it in
08:20with Sweeney's combat stuff
08:26Roll him
08:27We're not getting off room
08:36Sweeney's coming back
08:37Interruptions, interruptions
08:39Okay guys, that's all for today
08:40Same time tomorrow
08:41Look, stall, Sweeney, give me a chance to stash the camera in the film, will ya?
08:48Oi, I wonder if Cecil B. DeMille gotta start this way
09:01Well, well, well, back to the tour already?
09:03How was it, Sweeney?
09:04Well, not so good
09:05We waited at that lagoon for about three hours and not a girl showed up
09:08Oh, I should've remembered
09:10What's today?
09:10Friday
09:11The girls come tomorrow
09:13Battlestations, man the boat
09:17Oh boy, you're in luck
09:18We're going out, Sweeney
09:21Yeah, in luck
09:25Japanese patrol boats making a raid on Megola
09:27Get your lights and camera, boy
09:29We got to action
09:29Oh boy, my big movie break
09:31Stardom, here we come
09:33Hey, who stole my hair tonic?
09:34Hey, Sweeney, Sweeney
09:35You think I thought of that better than my blues or my whites?
09:37Hey, why don't you wear something red?
09:39It'll match your eyeballs
09:41Hey, come on
09:41You guys on a double
09:42What's holding you up?
09:43Well, haven't you heard?
09:44It's our big movie debut
09:45Give me the mirror, Bert
09:47Hey, yeah
09:49Say, listen to me
09:50Get a chance
09:50Can you get a shot of me in battle?
09:52Mom will get a kick out of it
09:53How can I get the camera?
09:54I can't find the key
09:55Hey
09:56You guys waiting for an engraved invitation from the nips?
09:59Come on, let's go
09:59Sweeney, grab your camera
10:00Let's go
10:03Come on
10:05Come on, Sweeney
10:06The key
10:07I can't find the key
10:08Tomites
10:14There she is
10:28An IPT boat
10:30Looks like she's gonna make a run for it
10:32Battle stations
10:34Taker, give me everything you got, boy
10:36Hey, you better get your camera ready
10:38And don't forget my right side's my best side
10:40No, no, it's my left side
10:42All right, we'll head her off
10:44Come to 2-4-0
10:44Chuck
10:46Josh, thanks, Mr. Parker
10:50If I goof this mission, I'm a goner
10:52All right, you better get yourself organized, boy
10:54Those Tokyo Joes out there aren't gonna stop and pose for you
10:57Yes, sir
10:58Just as soon as I get my light reading
11:01And if you could, would you please stay out from under the clouds?
11:04Then I have to change my exposure
11:06Sure, sure, sure
11:07In fact, I'll even radio instructions to the Japanese
11:10Gosh, would you?
11:11Hey, Willie, stand by and radio the Japanese
11:13Oh, come on
11:13Now, stand by and fire
11:15Well, you got your camera loaded?
11:18I wish I was
11:20Don't worry, going into battle is nothing to worry about
11:22All you got to do is remember they will
11:24Fire!
11:26Where's the stage go, Chuck?
11:28Chuck!
11:29Come on!
11:30Come on!
11:31Sweetie, get up!
11:32Let's start shooting!
11:33Come on, boy!
11:34I still don't have my light reading, boy!
11:35Look, come on!
11:36Shoot anyway!
11:37Come on!
11:38There, come on!
11:39Get up in there, boy!
11:40Go!
11:41Go, man!
11:48Get up in there, boy!
11:49Come on!
11:50Get up in there, boy!
11:51Get up in there, boy!
11:52Get up in there, boy!
11:53Get up in there, boy!
11:54Get up in there, boy!
11:55Steady's more, Chuck!
11:56Hey, Sweeney, baby!
11:57Over here!
11:58Hey, Sweeney!
11:59Look at me!
12:00How about me from Tennessee?
12:01Come on!
12:02Go, Sweeney!
12:03Come on!
12:04Go, Sweeney!
12:05Come on, you blockheads!
12:06Lock it off!
12:07Sweeney's got enough to handle!
12:09Chuck!
12:10Sorry, Skipper just wanted to get a picture from Mom!
12:12Yeah, well, that's where the nips are at!
12:13Yeah, well, that's where the nips are at!
12:15Oh, yes, sir!
12:16Over there!
12:17Come on, boys!
12:18Let them have it!
12:19Don't get it!
12:20Come on!
12:21Let's go, you madly idols!
12:22Ha-ha!
12:23No!
12:24No!
12:25No!
12:26No!
12:27No!
12:28No!
12:29No!
12:30No!
12:31No!
12:32No!
12:33No!
12:34No!
12:35No!
12:36No!
12:37No!
12:38No!
12:39No!
12:40No!
12:41No!
12:43No!
12:44No!
12:45No!
12:46No!
12:47No!
12:48No!
12:49No!
12:50No!
12:51No!
12:52No!
12:53No!
12:54No!
12:55We've got him, Skip!
12:56We've got him!
12:57Nice to go, guys!
12:58Oh, Bingo!
12:59She's going down!
13:00Hey, they're taking to the life raft!
13:01Yay!
13:02Woo-hoo-hoo!
13:03Come on, Chuck, let's go and pick up those bonsai bathing beauties!
13:04Oh, boy!
13:05We did it!
13:06picture of me turning a wheel oh i tell you this is great this is just great and you say sweeney's
13:25got pictures of the whole thing didn't miss a thing sir that boy's a wonder oh this is wonderful
13:30just wonderful imagine pictures of my boys sinking a japanese boat the whole thing right
13:36there on film for the pentagon to see yeah oh mikhail parker i could kiss you for this
13:42couldn't we just shake hands or the shake hands oh not even you can make me mad today parker
13:50well i have the admiral on the phone for you sir why don't you say so instead of sneaking up behind
13:56me like that get out of here man is a sneak oh no yes how are you sir there's another sneak
14:01oh yes yes sir we've got your combat pictures for you oh and where do you see them pictures of my
14:08boys sinking a japanese pt boat uh-huh oh i tell you i don't know if i have to say so myself
14:15there's something to see i mean they are really something to see oh i just meant to say uh when
14:20will the pictures be ready when when when when when when uh well uh sweeney's in the in the mobile lab
14:24processing them right now sir you can have them just as they're dry oh well i understand they're
14:29go and do something go blow on them blow blow blow blow you can see the pictures in about two
14:36hours admiral oh they're worth waiting for i mean they're the best they're really the best
14:41oh come on come on hold it hold it you prime that's where you can see the picture
14:51hey there it is boy that's a way
14:56oh messed up
15:01oh i wonder what is all this
15:18it's a double exposure i see it but i don't believe it
15:36hey well wait a minute hold it sweetie stop the machine i'll open up those curtains will you
15:46hey just a minute grouper just going for a drink of water skip my throat's awful dry
15:51oh yeah bald face baboon if you did what i think you did i'm gonna pour that whole pacific ocean down
15:58your throat what happened to my film go on honest dollars go on tell it how was i don't know you're
16:05gonna put the film in the same film that i used uh-huh you used my camera and my film we went to
16:10cut you in for a piece of the action the first time i don't go if this has to happen boy you sure
16:16pulled a dandy this time grouper not only on us but on this poor kid so we'll take them with us
16:21when we desert desert oh we can't desert i mean after all all we've done is put them
16:26which way is a hill hey say listen maybe we can stall binghamton long enough for sweeney here to
16:31shoot some more films who knows how long that would take unless okay how about we shoot our own
16:38version of the movie oh sure all we gotta do is call up the imperial staff nice navy ask them to
16:43send us another pt boat to sink now wait wait wait wait wait a minute happy's got a thought there
16:47we can fake the whole thing we take the old 73 and make it look like a japanese pt boat
16:53gruber you better have those nip flags and uniforms that you've been selling as souvenirs
16:58in assorted sizes great idea skip surprise i didn't think of it myself it'll never work well it better
17:04boy it better willie you get on the radio and tell binghamton uh to tell them that uh well we had
17:09to shove off and get some uh development fluid that's right for sweeney here and uh tinker you get a
17:13call a fuji fuji who's fuji he's the greatest technical advisor on japanese boats you'll ever
17:20see gentlemen we are now in show business
17:23number 35
17:28fine uh how's it look fuji uh so that's perfect yeah japanese hello skipper-san hi hi
17:45he he really is japanese aha he fooled you too huh no no no no he's just a native
17:54that we made up to look japanese so spy for us great makeup job you can say that again
18:03hey chuck come on let's get the show on the road here yeah we're coming skip
18:13get me to an eye doctor i can't see a thing which part of the gisha house oh boy i'm gonna save my
18:19japanese uh war bonds i can't do this we'll never get away with this well we'd better come on let's
18:24get this class b picture started here action camera echo
18:28you're this in red come binghamton's gig is headed this way i guess i'd install it
18:33boy come on dog grony would have to show up at time like this he probably wants to see the film
18:39see the film willie sees that well he's not going to get a chance come on we're going to head out the
18:45Exactly. Willie, come on, let's go after. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
18:49Hey, I wonder if Sasu Hayakawa got his start this way.
18:52Come on, will you get going?
18:56I don't know how we made it, but we did.
18:59Take her out of waste, Chuck, and we'll sneak her on the other side of the island.
19:01Okay, Skip. Boy, if Binghamton never finds out what we've been up to, we're dead.
19:04You could say that again.
19:06Boy, if Binghamton never finds out we...
19:07Oh, come on.
19:08Panda, 11 o'clock!
19:10Don't worry, it's one of ours.
19:16Duck!
19:22Holy cow, I forgot, we're not one of theirs.
19:24Oh, you preach! I'm an American!
19:27Brooklyn Dodgers!
19:29I'm a shuttle station!
19:30Hold it, hold it, hold it, you nitwits!
19:32You want to knock down one of your own planes?
19:34Besides, we've got Japanese markings on.
19:36Hey, let me have that wheel, we've got to get out of here.
19:38Come on, boys, let's go.
19:40We're Americans, can't you see we don't all look alike?
19:43Hey, Commander, I got a great shot of him.
19:45Oh, what good is that going to do?
19:46He's an American.
19:47And here he comes again.
19:48Take care!
19:50Give me all you got before you've got to run for cover!
19:52Ducks, fellas, ducks!
20:08Looks like he's gone, Skip.
20:10Boy, am I glad we're only Japanese for a day.
20:12Those planes of ours are murder.
20:14What are we going to do about the pictures, Skipper?
20:16Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to forget him now.
20:20All right, all right, knock it off!
20:23We almost got ourselves killed once already.
20:25Now, let's get that Tojo flag down.
20:28Take a stature wrenching.
20:29We're going to sneak back to our base
20:30before that fly jockey blabs about us the whole fleet.
20:34Now, come on, let's get going.
20:35Oh, what in places?
20:53Tinker, what's wrong?
20:54I don't know.
20:55Must have had a few hits in the engines.
20:58Well, patch it up as fast as you can.
21:00We're sitting ducks over here.
21:01You spot anything, Chuck?
21:03No, we're okay upstairs, Skip.
21:06Holy cow!
21:07What?
21:07We got company downstairs.
21:09Where, where, where, where?
21:10Oh, no, a Japanese submarine!
21:16A Japanese sub?
21:17First an American plane and now,
21:19we haven't been in the right Navy all day!
21:21What are we supposed to do with our engines, huh?
21:22We can't make a run for it.
21:24We ain't got any other choice, boys.
21:26Now, look, you guys all wanted to be actors, huh?
21:28All right, here's your chance.
21:30Chuck, you take your nip swabs
21:31and get up front and make friends.
21:33Up with that rising sun, boys!
21:35We're joining Tojo again!
21:36The rest of you have done!
21:37The rest of you have done!
22:07Tink, how you doing?
22:10Almost ready, Skipper-san!
22:12Hiya, bunch of Mikado grabbers!
22:17Winniaga!
22:21Oh, so!
22:23All out there in Tojo land!
22:25Oh, look at it!
22:31The sub are gonna surf us, Skipper!
22:34I'm gonna get you guys an Academy Award!
22:36What?
22:37Engines ready to roll, Skipper!
22:38Nice going, Tink!
22:40Oh, get set to blast when I give you the signal!
22:42The rest of you guys get ready to hit your battle station!
22:45Chuck, come on back here!
22:47Okay, Skipper!
22:51Come on, sweetie!
22:53You're gonna get your picture, and we're gonna get a sub!
22:55Camera ready?
22:56Lens cap's off, and film loaded!
22:58Okay, okay.
23:00Hey, Skipper, I can't see!
23:01My glasses are all steamed up!
23:10All right.
23:11All right, boys.
23:12When I count to three, we're back in the movies!
23:15One!
23:16Two!
23:18Bonsai!
23:19Nice work, McHale.
23:49Oh, thank you, sir.
23:52Wonderful, wonderful.
23:54Uh, McHale, I don't understand this.
23:56I seem to recall that you said that, uh...
23:57This is more than I could have asked for.
24:00Nice work, Sweeney.
24:01You really came through.
24:02Thank you, sir.
24:03You too, McHale.
24:03Parker?
24:04Thank you, sir.
24:04Tell me, was it a difficult mission?
24:07Well, just when my glasses got steamed up.
24:08He missed his binoculars, his binoculars.
24:10The mission was really a breeze.
24:12Excellent, excellent.
24:15Binghamton, you amaze me.
24:17Oh, I do.
24:17Didn't you tell me on the phone that it was a Japanese PT boat that was sunk?
24:22No, I, I simply called something, uh, uh...
24:25Man, what's the matter with you?
24:26Can't you tell the difference between a PT boat and a submarine?
24:30Oh, yeah, I've studied that very carefully.
24:32I'm like, oh, a PT boat, and it stays on the, on the top, and the, and the submarine...
24:36Oh, look up over there, and I, uh, I can just scream.
24:41Wow.
24:43LAUGHTER
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