Vulnerability feels dangerous when the past still echoes in us. 💔 But real connection grows when we allow small moments of openness — not when we wait for perfect safety.
This reflection explores the timeless question: does trust come first, or vulnerability? 🌱
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00:00So many people have been through things which have made it very, very difficult for them to be vulnerable.
00:07I was actually speaking to someone yesterday who was cheated on, a bunch of attachment issues in their early childhood.
00:13And funnily enough, when I was talking to her about, I was asking her questions about, because I'm a very deep person, this carries over into my personal life.
00:21I was asking her questions about the things, you know, she'd been through, whatever else.
00:24She just shuts down and she told me that she, what were the exact words?
00:29She said that she finds vulnerability to be a form of intimacy that she tries to stay away from because she needs to really, really, really trust the person before she opens up.
00:43And I think this is a trend you see across a lot of people.
00:45They, they won't open up enough to form a connection because they've been hurt before by opening up and it feels too scary to do that.
00:54And that results in them being single, alone, unhappy, so on and so on.
01:02Yeah.
01:02I mean, I think there's, there, what you said was so loaded with so many things.
01:08So first of all, there's the, there, there's this very interesting relationship between vulnerability and trust and how does that work?
01:14And people always ask me what comes first, trust or vulnerability.
01:18Do I trust you first, then I'm vulnerable or am I vulnerable first and then I trust you?
01:22And I think it's a very slow stacking.
01:24We get to know each other.
01:26I share a little bit.
01:27I don't, I don't share.
01:28Hey, nice to meet you, Steven.
01:29Here's my darkest, horrible, most painful trauma, you know, cause that, that is actually, that kind of litmus testing is actually a form of armor.
01:39I'm going to throw something at you that our relationship in no way has been built long enough to hold.
01:46You're going to go away and I'm going to use that as verification that vulnerability is dangerous.
01:51Like that's litmus testing.
01:53Let me prove to you that you're not trustworthy.
01:57No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:58Oh, I see you're backing away.
02:00That's what I thought.
02:01I'm backing away because we haven't built a relationship that can bear the weight of this story.
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