The Most Dangerous Thing You Can Say in a Relationship

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The words “I’ll leave” — even if said in anger — cut deeper than you realize.  Here’s how this one habit shatters trust and what to do instead to build real emotional safety.  Follow for more insights that help you grow in love and life.  ©️ All rights and credit reserved to the respective owner(s).  #RelationshipAdvice #HealthyLove #TrustBuilding #SelfGrowth #RelationshipHealing #AttachmentStyles #EmotionalMaturity

Transcript

00:00there's one thing that will degrade trust in your relationship more than anything else. It's this

00:05threatening to leave the relationship when things get hard, even if you don't mean it, even if it's

00:10said in passing, in anger, under your breath, even if you take it back after you've calmed down,

00:15because once leaving becomes a card that you play, your partner stops feeling like they can lean on

00:20the relationship and it no longer feels like a place where they can come with the hard things.

00:24So they stop being honest. They stop taking risks. They stop opening up, not because they don't want

00:29to, but because safety has literally left the building. When you use the relationship itself

00:35as leverage, now you don't have a shared foundation to stand on. Part of what we're working to do when

00:39we're building healthy rupture and repair cycles is to get our nervous systems to understand that it's

00:44okay to have a falling out, that it's normal and safe, no matter what we saw modeled growing up in

00:49our families. That's the goal. But there is no way that our system will ever feel settled enough to

00:54open up into actual safety. When in fights, we're consistently feeling like if we speak the thing

00:59that's hard, that there's a possibility of the relationship ending. Conflict doesn't erode trust.

01:04The uncertainty of wondering whether this will finally be the last thing I can bring up that

01:09makes the whole house crumble does. So you can be mad. You can take space. You can set a boundary

01:14about what won't work for you. Totally healthy and normal. But when you casually threaten to walk

01:18when it gets hard, eventually your partner is going to stop racing and start believing you. And by then

01:23damage will be done. The amount of work it takes to come back into a healthy place of conflict

01:27after threatening to leave is way, way, way harder work than not saying the impulsive thing and just

01:34sticking with the argument at hand. So do yourself a favor. Unless you mean it, don't say it. So if you

01:39do ever mean it, it's taken seriously and addressed as a real consideration, not an empty threat.

01:44don't say it.

01:48I don't think you've ever seen the same thing, just before letting you read the past when you

01:50get rid of the two different things. The second one is what you do to do in the

01:52world. And I do that. So do you want to go into a different thing?

01:53It's like you are going into a different way. So you're going to get rid of it.

01:54But you don't think I'm going to get rid of it, but I think it's actually your

01:56way. Oh, right. And then if you just add a couple of things, you're going to be

01:57there. So I think that's just one thing, because when we're going to go back into a

01:58little thing, it's actually having a different type of place. And then I think that's

02:00a perfect tool. And then I think that's what I think.

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