00:00One of the most pernicious emotional responses in relationship is the defensiveness to avoidance
00:06and a lack of repair pathway. What I mean is if you get into a conflict and you go defensive and
00:13then you eject and you become avoidant for a period of time and then you don't come back
00:18and resolve the conflict, you just kind of ride it out and never address it again, that's abusive.
00:25We are going to have conflicts in relationship. We have to learn how to resolve them.
00:30The avoidance and denial pathway is the worst habit that a person can have. I'm not talking
00:38about this. We're not going to address this. I'm moving on. That speaks to a lack of capacity,
00:44humility, and the ability to actually say, let's look at this. What happened? What can we do better
00:48with? And I get it. Most of these men and women that do this have shame. But learning how to work
00:59with shame in such a way where you don't have to respond to it, you can just go, man,
01:02I feel ashamed that we did this again, but let's try. Let's try to fix this. That's the path.
01:07The humility, the willingness,
01:10the recognition that if we don't change it, we're just going to ruin another relationship.
01:17The number of relationships that are destroyed by avoidance. And yeah, anxiousness has its place
01:22too, but I'm talking specifically about the defensiveness, avoidance, and denial.
01:29The lack of resolve. That's a pernicious pathway in relationship.
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