- 1 day ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hello, I'm Charlie Brooker and you're watching Weekly Wipe, a programme all about things that are happening.
00:26Things like this.
00:28Former Israeli PM Ariel Sharon finally left the coma he'd been controversially occupying since 2006.
00:35Disquieting scenes as the most depressing celebrity reality show in history begins.
00:39There's no public vote so they'll be hoping to impress the judges.
00:43There's been outrage in France as a Frenchman's been accused of having an affair.
00:47He's also rumoured to enjoy soft cheese and shrugging.
00:50Sky News becomes an eerie art gallery following Revelation's MPs have spent a quarter of a million pounds on weird-looking portraits.
00:57Hangings too good for them.
00:59But we start with television.
01:01And I don't know if you've seen it, but Channel 4 has recently launched a sort of British remake of The Wire.
01:06Benefits Street is a fly-on-the-fly-covered-wall documentary series, a bit like Sesame Street brought to you by the letters DSS and DWP.
01:15It follows some of the residents on an apparently notorious Birmingham Street where, we're told, most of the residents are on benefits.
01:21As well as impoverished single mums, it also depicts petty criminals on the rob.
01:24On the one hand, it's a gritty slice-of-life expose, but it's also packaged with a knowing nod and a wink.
01:29And it's so full of larger-than-life characters, it almost feels like a sitcom, a bit like Friends, with benefits.
01:36Usually when people on the breadline are exploited for entertainment, it's done unsubtly on grubby bellowing chambers like the Jeremy Kyle show.
01:42You're a drunken bum sponging off taxpayers in this country, and people like you should be put out on the street.
01:48I love it.
01:49You love it?
01:50Yeah.
01:51I'll tell you how much you love it.
01:53Whereas Benefits Street is presented more like a sort of safari park tour through poor people's natural environments.
01:59It's even packaged a bit like a nature show, complete with sweeping shots of the landscape so you can see what benefits look like from a balloon.
02:06There's also footage of the lovable offspring gambling in the wild, sequences in which predators scavenge for scraps,
02:11and the violent majesty of Darwinian survival.
02:15Fucking wankers!
02:16Let go of me!
02:18Let the fuck go of me!
02:19Let the fuck go of me!
02:21Some have complained the programme depicts lazy ne'er-do-wells living the high life sponging off the state.
02:25And to be fair, the level of luxury they're enjoying is outrageous.
02:28I mean, just look, most of them have got shoes.
02:31Their sense of entitlement is amazing.
02:33They use oxygen without even paying for it.
02:35They just inhale it and convert it into carbon dioxide, selfishly leaving less for the taxpayer.
02:40They've even got sticks and bits of old fan.
02:42I haven't got sticks and bits of old fan.
02:44Why should they?
02:45And they're so lazy.
02:46They sit around on their arses contributing nothing of value to society, boozing themselves stupid and stuffing their faces with cheap junk food.
02:54You wouldn't catch me doing that.
02:55Hmm.
02:56You're the act of artisan crisps.
02:58Society likes to let off steam by having a set of sanctioned hate figures it's okay to openly deride.
03:03A list that changes with the times and currently benefits claimants are on it.
03:07Channel 4 says Benefit Street is about community spirit in adverse circumstances.
03:11But the problem is it's not called community spirit in adverse circumstances.
03:15It's called Benefit Street, a button pushing title attached to a program with more buttons than a shirt factory.
03:21They might as well have called it the Great British Skive Off or Lay About Way.
03:25To wear my earnest hat for a moment, I actually thought Benefit Street was broadly sympathetic to its participants.
03:31Although being a TV show, it also inevitably boiled their lives down to eye-catching highlights and outrageous sound bites.
03:37But thanks to that title and the ingrained assumptions of some viewers on both sides of the political divide,
03:42it also caused the sort of noisy publicity-stoking press reaction that must have had Channel 4 wanking with dismay.
03:48The debate came alive on a feisty edition of Newsnight as a man from Channel 4 had to defend himself against accusations of being a poverty porn baron.
03:56Are you comfortable with the idea of poverty porn as an idea?
04:01I'm deeply uncomfortable with that phrase. I think it's inaccurate.
04:04That's true. Benefit Street isn't porn. I mean, what's pornographic about seeing six sweaty men crammed into one filthy hole?
04:11There's not even any money shots. Well, they haven't got any money.
04:14The ideological lines were drawn, representing the unimpressed left, pious newborn Owen Jones,
04:19who said Benefit Street was a damaging distortion of society's most vulnerable.
04:23What we have in this so-called debate about the welfare state is a relentless, almost obsessive,
04:27hunting down of the most extreme, dysfunctional, unrepresentative people.
04:31But wait, but they're adults. They're adults. Isn't that currently patronising?
04:34No, no, it isn't patronising. I'll tell you why it's not patronising, Kirsty.
04:38No, sorry, that's far too patronising. Owen, you lose ten points and miss a turn.
04:42Amongst the unsympathetic reactees, opinion-pissing human clickbait Katie Thatcher Hopkins
04:47popped up on this week to Hector the work shy.
04:50I don't care if it's sunny. I don't care if it's raining. You need to get out of bed and get a job.
04:55Fair enough, I'll have yours. What the f*** is it again?
04:58The show's producers, aware of how much shit Hopkins spouts,
05:00cannily positioned her in a toilet so she could at least mop up after herself.
05:04I have absolutely no sympathy for anybody on Benefit Street.
05:08Or any street.
05:09They're always looking to blame someone, blame the government, blame landlords,
05:13blame anybody but themselves.
05:14Yeah, and who pays for that blame? We do.
05:17These are people that are sponging off the state when they could be out working,
05:21even if it means doing a job you simply don't want to do.
05:25Quite right, they're scared of doing the kind of tough minimum wage job
05:28you're pretending to do here.
05:30Hardnut Hopkins disapproves of ignorant scumbags living off money
05:33siphoned from hard-working folk, which is why she refused to accept
05:36her BBC appearance fee, possibly.
05:39And she used it as a springboard to call for further cuts.
05:42The Conservatives are right to suggest cutting housing benefit
05:45for the under 25s.
05:47We just can't allow young people to choose to have a nice life
05:51paid for by somebody else.
05:53Yeah, that's why I refuse to buy my child clothes or food. F*** him.
05:57There was this sort of anger-making programme called Benefit Street.
06:01Like, it gave you a fascinating insight into the lives of these people
06:04who have got next to nothing so you could judge them.
06:07They weren't claiming benefits like an MP claims benefits
06:10or Prince Charles, but a different sort of benefits
06:13that they weren't entitled to because they were poor.
06:16Unemployed. Unemployed.
06:18Normally, when you see poor people, it's hard to judge them
06:21because you feel sort of empathy and you think,
06:24oh, dear, I hope humankind does something to help them.
06:27But this was clever because it stopped you feeling like that.
06:30When I was watching it, I felt sort of pity for the people in it,
06:33but when I went on Twitter, everyone was angry with them,
06:36so I thought, oh, I've got it wrong. I'd better join in with that.
06:40So then I wrote these little tweet things about how they were scum
06:44and bastards and how I hope the government f***ing shoots them
06:48and then stands over their bodies pumping bullet after bullet
06:51into their Benefit Scum Bastard bodies.
06:54And I got, like, 20 new followers for that.
06:57So it was a pretty good programme, yeah.
06:59People say there's no community any more,
07:02but watching that interesting show
07:04and joining in with everyone on the internet,
07:07hating them together, sort of outdoing each other
07:10to express how much hate you felt was amazing.
07:13I don't think I've ever felt so much like part of a huge group
07:17with all this fun anger surging through us.
07:20It really made me feel alive.
07:22Can't wait till next week's episode.
07:25Game shows!
07:32And BBC One locates a clever way of stretching 45 seconds of action
07:36into 45 minutes of entertainment with Reflex,
07:39a game show which should have been called Every Second Counts
07:41but can't because Paul Daniels bags it that some time ago.
07:44It's a programme with Shane Ritchie
07:46in which every second seems to last an eternity.
07:48Or in other words, it's a programme with Shane Ritchie.
07:51Standing in the middle of the movie Tron,
07:53Shane and some plucky members of the public
07:55compete in a series of high-speed physical trials
07:57filmed with state-of-the-art slow-mo cameras,
07:59which are then replayed using every sodding FX filter
08:02they could find in post-production.
08:04The tasks they have to do may look unspectacular,
08:06but when they slow them down by a factor of a thousand,
08:08they're boring too.
08:10Tragically, even when you fast-forward it,
08:11you can't tell you fast-forwarded it.
08:13The whole thing culminates in a stunning finale
08:15in which a man in a crash helmet
08:16tries to avoid some basketballs slowly.
08:18It's enough to provoke some well-deserved applause.
08:21What started this masterclass in karate?
08:26America has got a fearsome reputation for violence,
08:29doesn't it?
08:30Well, yes, it does.
08:31But is it well-deserved?
08:32Well, one person who thinks it isn't
08:33is US comedian and shambles Doug Stanhope.
08:42I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink.
08:45America has a reputation for violence
08:50that we don't really live up to in real life.
08:54Of course, there's a lot of gun violence,
08:55and some of that's necessary,
08:57because guns are the great equalizer.
08:59Guns level the playing field against assholes.
09:04You can be the biggest bad-ass biker,
09:09MMA, street fighter guy in the world.
09:12They put you in a cage with any honey boo-boo with a shotgun.
09:16The Vegas odds are gonna alter drastically.
09:20America promotes violence,
09:22and we make violent movies,
09:24and we exploit the shit out of violent news stories.
09:27ABC's Jim Avila has our coverage of the deadly rampage.
09:30But when it comes to day-to-day street violence that you see,
09:34it's mostly all shit talk, braggadocia, chest bumping,
09:38everyone waiting for the bouncer to come in and break it up.
09:41As opposed to, in the UK,
09:43where you're the most violent people I've ever seen in my life.
09:46Where on any given Tuesday night when the pubs close,
09:50it's just like UFC in the streets.
09:52You don't know which corner to look at,
09:54just people beating the shit out of each other
09:57for no particular reason even.
09:59It's not even, did you look at my girl?
10:01It's just, uh, where are you from?
10:02Across the street?
10:03Fuck across the street!
10:05There's only one side of this street!
10:08Ah, .
10:10Just bashing themselves, senseless.
10:13I was in Manchester where I saw a poster,
10:15a public service announcement poster on a men's room wall,
10:19something to the effect of,
10:21don't beat up ambulance drivers.
10:26I don't remember the specific text,
10:28but that was the gist of it,
10:30because evidently that's a thing over there.
10:33I think the difference is, in the United States,
10:36we don't have free universal healthcare,
10:38and we do have guns.
10:39And that makes you think twice
10:41before you take a swing at a guy over a pool game.
10:44I want to hit that guy, but even if I just chipped a tooth,
10:47that's like $1,500 to fix!
10:49You can't pay for that, and the guy might be packing!
10:53Over there, you have free healthcare,
10:55and you don't have guns,
10:56so why not take the risk of beating each other's heads in
10:59like knotted gourds?
11:01And worst case scenario, the state picks up the tab to fix it.
11:05For the last few years, winter in Britain's been all about snow, snow, snow,
11:10but this year's shock January weather has been a different kind of snow,
11:13warm snow, or what scientists call rain.
11:17Yes, recently Britain's fluid intake went through the roof,
11:20and much of the country was transformed into a sort of shit ripoff of Venice.
11:23The problem was water, specifically too much of it coming from overhead.
11:27Experts quickly traced the source of the leak to an immense hole above us known as the sky.
11:31And the bad weather had been going on for some time.
11:33As the news pointed out, the country had just experienced its wettest December since 1993,
11:38as had your mum.
11:39And according to ITN, this deluge was caused by something called the quasi-biennial oscillation.
11:44And one look out the window confirmed it was indeed quasi-biennially oscillating it down.
11:49Anyway, in a bid to highlight just how shitty the current climate was,
11:52the nation's reporters stood outside like miserable moaning scarecrows.
11:56We've got rain on top of rain on top of rain.
11:58It's sad, really. This is as close as they're going to get to reporting on their very own Watergate.
12:03More heavy rain. You can see why people here are worried.
12:07The news coverage was more spectacular down Seaside Way,
12:10as Britain bloated by Christmas shed a few unwanted pounds of coastline.
12:14The oceanic thrashing were so awe-inspiring, onlookers sounded overwhelmed to the point of boredom.
12:19That's an absolutely awesome sight.
12:21Frightening power. You wouldn't want to be in the sea, or too close to it.
12:27Yes, reporters weren't the only ones risking life and limb.
12:30The public were also out, and so were their cameras.
12:32And in Northern Ireland, a large tidal surge at midday meant this was no time to be taking a seaside snap.
12:39Thing is, while cautionary newspaper front pages and the authorities were warning people to keep away from the water's edge,
12:45the news seemed to be almost encouraging viewers to head outside and film the great national waterboarding for them,
12:50by showcasing their depressing photos and alarming videos.
12:53It even started advising people to hold their phones the right way round, so the pictures would fit the TV properly.
12:58We want to know what conditions are like where you are. Film your videos or take your pictures in landscape mode.
13:04Yes, for far too long, selfish idiots have been filming catastrophes and tragedies in portrait mode, which looks awful on the news.
13:10If you witness a killing, for God's sake, do the right thing and turn your phone sideways before hitting record,
13:16or you're actually ten times worse than the murderer.
13:19Of course, those showy Americans always have to go one better, and consequently their extreme weather was extremier than ours.
13:25Picturesque US news footage made America look more like the United States of Narnia,
13:29thanks to something called the polar vortex.
13:31Which sent temperatures plunging so low, the best way to warm up was to stay indoors and climb inside the fridge.
13:37Lots of people captured in reports had to virtually mummify themselves to avoid freezing to death.
13:41To the point where some reports resembled bulletins from the anarchist news network.
13:45Well, it's just before dawn here in Minneapolis, and it's about as cold as it's going to get.
13:50Having delighted viewers with his cheap Batman impersonation,
13:52he then performed a sort of David Blaine magic trick using a cup of boiling water.
13:57It freezes before it even reaches the pavement.
14:00Yes, someone had discovered that if you throw a cup of boiling water in the air in super sub-zero conditions,
14:04you can make instant snow, and the news didn't tire of demonstrating this,
14:07occasionally offering a step-by-step guide.
14:10Put it in the microwave for about two or three minutes.
14:14Make sure it gets really hot.
14:15And encouraging viewers to try it at home.
14:17But a pretty fun experiment.
14:19You can do that at home with your kids.
14:21Yeah, it is a fun experiment, isn't it?
14:23At least it makes me laugh.
14:26Oh, my goodness, it's burning me!
14:29Serves you right.
14:34Next time, landscape mode.
14:37Yes, it turns out the downside of repeatedly showing millions of people a trick in which you throw boiling water around
14:42is that people might actually try and do it.
14:44Turning scenes from what should have been a winter wonderland into something more like when idiots happen.
14:49Still, it's going to get cold here too.
14:54And that's worrying people already.
14:55And it's worrying no one more than our resident inquisitive human, Limmy.
15:01This is Limmy.
15:02Did you see the news?
15:07It's cold out there.
15:09Cold?
15:10In winter?
15:11But seriously, people are dying.
15:15Happens every year.
15:16They stick up the price of gas and they stick another granny in the ground.
15:20But oh, don't blame us fat cats.
15:23It's because the world's running out of gas.
15:25It's because wholesale prices are up.
15:27It's because...
15:28But I know it's not.
15:31Because I walked it out.
15:33It was when I was on the phone to my granny
15:35and she really has freezing her balls off.
15:37So I like to chat with her to keep her spirits up.
15:39She's got some amazing stories to tell that woman.
15:42She was telling me about lentils.
15:43The shop round the corner fair has got a three-for-two offer on the go
15:46for bags of lentils.
15:47And that's when it clicked.
15:49Three-for-two.
15:50That's it.
15:51The merer you buy, the lower the price.
15:53But the less you buy, the higher the price.
15:56And that's what's gone on with the fat cats.
15:58I'm still here.
15:59I mean, have you not noticed?
16:02They only started sticking the price up
16:04after we started cutting down.
16:06Trying to save the planet.
16:08What?
16:09You think that's just a coincidence?
16:12Come on!
16:14But they kind of come out and say stop saving the planet
16:16and we'll save you money.
16:18No.
16:19This offer's only available for people who can read between the lines.
16:22So I turned it up.
16:23I turned it up.
16:24And I told my granny to do the same.
16:25Full blast!
16:26And I jumped on Twitter to tell the world.
16:28Get it up.
16:29We can do this.
16:30But we need to do it together.
16:32Hashtag full blast.
16:34Please retweet.
16:35And now I'm telling you to tell your granny.
16:39Get it up.
16:40Get it right up.
16:41Let's have ourselves a warm this winter since records began.
16:45As for the gas bill.
16:47Trust me.
16:48I think we're in for a big surprise.
16:51GADGETS
16:52GADGETS
16:54GADGETS
16:55GADGETS
16:57GADGETS
16:58GADGETS
17:02GADGETS
17:03The Nerd Mecca The Consumer Electronics Show opens in Las Vegas.
17:06The one bit of America too hot to freeze.
17:08It's your first chance to guess just which bit of unnecessary microchip bibble might be enslaving
17:13us all tomorrow as various effusive news reports unveiled an exciting vision of a future we
17:18should probably be fending off with sticks.
17:20One of the biggest trends is for wearable tech like video glasses that will utterly transform
17:25the way you look like a twat.
17:27If 2013 was the year of the smart watch.
17:29Which it wasn't.
17:302014 promises to be the year of the smart glasses.
17:33Yes, supercomputerised video glasses aim to change the way you accidentally molest passers-by
17:38forever.
17:39The Incredi specs will allow you to do all sorts of astounding things such as switching lights
17:43on and off just like you can with your real hands.
17:46But that's not all.
17:47There were also computer enhanced domestic gadgets that defy sense and description entirely
17:52including one called Mother.
17:54So of all the sensors we've seen so far at CES this is perhaps the most interesting looking.
17:58It's called Mother.
17:59Here it is.
18:00Never mind what Mother looks like.
18:02Who knew Penfold was real?
18:03Turns out the oddly named Mother is a horrendous central intelligence agency for the home that
18:08keeps tabs on everything in your house from how you flush the bog to how well you brush your
18:12teeth as it monitors how closely each individual is sticking to their dental hygiene routine.
18:16It's a fun way of teaching your children to brush their teeth instead of just shouting at them.
18:23Yes according to a series of informative reports soon absolutely every gadget in your home will
18:28be connected to the internet whether you want it to be or not.
18:31Why soon you'll be able to conduct Google searches by entering them orally into your toaster.
18:35How many people died in the 1854 Broad Street cholera epidemic?
18:41616.
18:42Wow.
18:44Other innovations include a range of exciting bendable televisions seen here flaunting their curves.
18:50TV screens used to be a bit curved which was rubbish so then we made them flat which was rubbish
18:54so now they're going to be a bit curved again which is brilliant.
18:56That's bending.
18:57That is a bent TV.
18:59So what advantages does a curvy TV have apart from none?
19:02Luckily a CNET tech guru spotted some real pluses in his perky report.
19:06One possible advantage I did spot is that when it's curved the reflections that you can see
19:11on the TV screen are slightly muddled so if you've got windows in the room that you're watching TV in
19:15that could make those reflections slightly less annoying.
19:19Yeah and if that doesn't work buy some curtains.
19:22Still no matter what kind of TV you're using the shows remain the same.
19:25This morning on a curvy TV is still just this morning.
19:27It still takes three hours to watch.
19:29If only there was a more efficient way to ingest it.
19:32Well guess what?
19:33There is.
19:34And Mr Jake Yap has condensed this morning down to 97 seconds.
19:37As he'll prove to you now.
19:39Start the clock.
19:45With the theme tune that in a Pavlovian sort of a way makes you assume you must be ill.
19:50Welcome to this morning.
19:51I'm Philip Scafield and this is my hot new TV trophy wife Holly Willoughby.
19:54Coming up in the show then.
19:56It's a TV nursery for ex-boy band members who've gone to seed with fancy playing at presenters.
20:00And a strange sort of TV limbo for the Paul Rosses and Phil Vickery's
20:04who never quite managed to attain the escape velocity to get into primetime TV.
20:07The whole thing being like some sort of TV career event horizon.
20:10Let's find out more about what you've been saying about that with another one of them.
20:13Jeff Brazier.
20:14Dressed like a page out of GQ.
20:16You can smile my aftershave before I come on screen.
20:19Very popular with a housewife's I dare say.
20:21Let's read out a couple of your tweets with unconvincing sincerity before we throw to the
20:25competition with that woman off of Big Brother.
20:27Hi guys.
20:28Do you fancy turning up your mortgage?
20:30For two months.
20:31And do you lust after insipidly dull material objects like cars and that?
20:35Well, give us what's left and you'll pay as you go and you can be in with a chance of
20:38a hope of a possibility of an unlikelyhood.
20:40And I'll say good luck even though it's meaningless since I'm saying it to all of you.
20:45Time now for the sad bit.
20:47Wendy Pleb's son died or something and we're condensing her grief and his life down into
20:51a neat little two minute filler interview ahead of Gino De Campo and his double entendre menu.
20:55Hello, Holly.
20:56Hello, Phil.
20:57Today we're doing meatballs with the six inch sausages served with a couple of firm buns and the
21:05lambali jambali coconuts with a handmade salty sauce.
21:08I...
21:09You're laughing so hard.
21:12I didn't see that one coming.
21:15Coming!
21:16I'm still laughing.
21:17We'll see you next time on Fist Morning.
21:20Fist Morning!
21:29Music!
21:30And for several weeks the nation's been utterly weirded out by this creepy ad depicting the
21:34inevitable future in which scientists start breeding children specifically to perform
21:38on talent contests.
21:43Uh, okay, that one sings.
21:44Drown the others!
21:45It was, of course, promoting BBC One's electrifying crooning party, The Voice, the third mesmeric
21:50series of which kicked off this Saturday, presented by a cat and a man, and a foursome of
21:54sit and swivel judges, namely Colonel Sanders, Madjoff neighbours, the protective eyewear must
21:59be worn symbol, and the crew member who'd get killed in an episode of Star Trek.
22:03It's essentially just a quest to find the forgotten stars of tomorrow, as members of the public
22:08perform John Lewis cover versions of well-known hits.
22:10She's up all night to the sun, I'm up all night to get sun, She's up all night for good fun,
22:17I'm up all night to get lucky.
22:19Mmm, pleasant enough, although more interesting was the curious four-way judge-on-judge sing-em-up
22:24that started proceedings, an eardrum bothering Howell through I Predict a Riot.
22:28I Predict a Riot! I Predict a Riot! I Predict a Riot!
22:35Which was an unfortunate choice on the same night a vision was held in Tottenham, while
22:39news cameras looked on, apparently hoping it might all kick off.
22:42What with the Duggan verdict and recent Plebgate admissions, trust in the police seems to be
22:46at a pretty low ebb. Of course, without dem feds, crime would run wild, but what is crime
22:51anyway? Well, to explore what it is, and who may have put it there, here's our resident expert,
22:55Philomena Kunk, with another of her moments of wonder.
23:00One in 20 people has been a victim of crime, which means that 19 out of 20 people are criminals.
23:20No wonder we need police.
23:27In the olden days, if someone did something wrong, there was nothing you could do except form
23:33a mob with your neighbours and hunt them down and kill them.
23:36But today, we've got one other option, thanks to Sir Robert Peel, who in 1829 discovered the police,
23:43here on a spot marked today by a ceremonial wind turbine. Once the police had been invented, victims of crime knew who to ask for help because of their special hats designed to be visible at a distance by people being murdered in the London fog.
24:00Police tried to stop crime, but couldn't exist without it. If there was no crime, what would they do except spend all day putting dresses on bikes with a hammer? If no one's going to steal those bikes, that's just decorating.
24:17Of course, there's no point fighting crime if you don't know what crime is. That's where rules come in. But what is rules?
24:27A rules is basically a collection of laws. The first example being the Ten Commandments, which were left on a hill by God. Many of those laws, killing, gravity and the one about not interfering with oxes, are still used today, even though God's dead.
24:48So, who decides what's right and what's not right, and works out what the punishment should be, and then writes it down? Maybe an expert can help us get to the truth.
25:02Hello, who are you and what are you an expert on?
25:05My name is Chris Williams, I'm a senior lecturer at the Open University, and I'm an expert on the history of crime, policing and justice.
25:12If a policeman broke the law, would he be able to arrest himself?
25:17I don't think so, no. Under the Police and Criminal Evidence Act, the arresting officer has to sign the prisoner over to the custody officer.
25:25And if they were one and the same person, I can't see how that would work.
25:29Also, I don't know how the investigator can interview themself legally under that act.
25:35And if the case ever got to court, which I don't think it would, the defendant would be in a position to cross-examine himself.
25:42So, I think the judge would have stopped the trial at that point. No, I think it's the answer to your question.
25:48When they do reconstructions, you know, on telly, they're dead convincing, aren't they?
25:54Have any of them sort of, like, got a bit out of hand and turned back into an actual crime?
26:04Not to my knowledge, no. It must have happened. Must have.
26:08Probably not. They're relatively highly... It probably has happened, though.
26:12We'd probably have heard of that if it had happened.
26:15Oh, right. OK.
26:17So, if there wasn't police, we'd be able to do what we liked, which is great.
26:23But then the police wouldn't be able to do what they liked, which is be the police.
26:28And that would be against their human rights.
26:31Next time on Moments of Wonder, I'll be finding out how all these little flaws make it easier to get between the big flaws.
26:39Cinema! And in a lushly composed and thought-provoking promo for a satellite film channel, Harrison Ford himself shuffles glumly around asking us relentless questions about the silver screen.
26:56What was the last movie you couldn't stop thinking about?
27:01Hmm, that'd be Edward Penishands. I saw it on VHS, like, 20 years ago. Still see it every night in here.
27:07When was the last time you saw a movie you really wanted to watch?
27:11Oh, Edward Penishands. As soon as I heard that title, I was in.
27:14What was the last movie you just had to tell someone about?
27:18Edward Penishands. Seriously, he's got penises for hands.
27:21What's the last movie you saw that sent a shiver down your spine?
27:25Oh, Edward Penishands. There's an eerie bit where he has to eat spaghetti with the family and it's really uncomfortable.
27:31He's disgusting. Now, Susan, be polite.
27:35That was the last movie that really impacted on me.
27:37What will be the next?
27:39That'll probably be Edward Penishands too, but that won't be on Sky Movies, so sling your hook, Dr Jones.
27:44Web sites and a candy-coloured couple mug their way through a garish advert with the accent on irritation.
27:56Find us a hotel somewhere really wild.
27:58Anything for you, cupcake?
28:01But with all the comforts of home.
28:03Anything for you, cupcake?
28:05You know, I'm pretty sure this is the most pitiless, unrelenting attempt to hammer a catchphrase into the public consciousness since Zeig Heil.
28:12In a fashionable area.
28:14Anything for you, cupcake?
28:16It's funny because he's brummy. I don't think I'll ever tire of him saying that.
28:21Anything for you, cupcake?
28:23Anything for you, cupcake?
28:26Anything for you, cupcake?
28:28Hmm.
28:29Anything for you, cupcake?
28:30That's enough for listening to you, fuck, guys.
28:33Hmm.
28:34Well, that's all we've got time for this week.
28:36Till next time, do go away.
28:42And you can see more Weekly Wipe with Charlie Brooker at the same time next week.
29:03And I'm okay.
Recommended
29:30
|
Up next
46:36
29:42
29:13
28:55
Be the first to comment