- 06/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You
00:14Look at this shit, how are we supposed to get laid if they won't even look up at us leave it to the master
00:20Howdy ladies, you are looking D to the leash
00:25Do we know you? I know that mustache. Are you that guy who keeps sliding into my DMS and asking for pics of my feet?
00:32Hey
00:33No, I think what my friends driving at is we wouldn't say no to a DM or a DP or a BM
00:41What is that breath spray I could use some
00:43Can I get a hit of that breath spray too?
00:54Good
00:56Three brothers puffin' and we just woke up in year 21
01:04Roll another J and forget the day
01:06Roll another J and get high
01:08Roll another J and forget the day
01:10Roll another J and forget the day
01:12Me and my brothers getting flat and free
01:15Brothers
01:16You
01:25Jesus what the hell happened to you guys we were out trying to hit on girls and then they napalmed us
01:31Well, we weren't hitting on them. We had a couple of drinks and tried to engage them in polite conversation
01:38Not hitting on them. You said you were desperate for the pussy
01:41No, no, no, no
01:43It was loud in there and you just misheard me
01:46I wrote it down
01:47You said my beanbag is ready to explode shut the hell up Freddie. Hey
01:53What you reading there? It's a book for my book club. I'm hosting here. You guys are welcome to join pop-up books picture books coloring books novels
02:01Oh
02:02Well in that case, I would very much like to say no. Oh, I'm interested Gretchen. I love books. Oh god
02:09I love books you love books
02:12At the bar you seriously shut the fuck up both y'all
02:17Gretchen, I'll I'll be there
02:20The san francisco science and technology convention can't wait to see if they made an electric typewriter that weighs less than 40 pounds
02:28Imagine a woman who finds your boring stories fascinating who can't wait to carry your barbells to the attic
02:34Who will do your taxes with one hand while satisfying you with the other
02:39A business card and in mint condition look phineas focus freddy
02:43It's typewriters now and then we're on to singer's sewing machine ladies and gentlemen the age of cybernetic companionship
02:50Has begun. I present the girls of
02:54botches
03:00Robot girlfriend we should get one wow dude really because you don't even use the blow-up doll
03:05I got you because she's had a slow leak ever since I went down on her that's why dude you gotta take out your retainer
03:12This is day one stuff come on up and meet the girls you're all for lease
03:17I'm an incel
03:22hey everyone can't wait to talk about today's book i thought we'd start with introductions
03:44for our new members noah hello i'm noah switzer i identify as cisgender heteronormative
03:51and xy chromosome by birth and what did you think of the book i didn't read it okay and next we have
03:59a dear friend of mine joan joan has a very interesting story joan hi i'm joan kropowski
04:06i'm a virgo i will buy anything that's fuchsia and i can suck off 16 guys in an hour oh sorry
04:14i'm a sex worker hey why is everyone applauding for that chubby hooker oh franklin in today's sex
04:23positive san francisco sex workers are revered and respected well sadly revered and respected
04:28doesn't pay the rent augmented reality virtual reality nobody wants a good old-fashioned
04:33meat wallet anymore damn shame what is wrong with our society today uh franklin why don't
04:40you introduce yourself uh well i'm a freewheeling franklin freak and how do you identify as a
04:47man just a man just a man just a hundred percent red-blooded american stallion
04:55hey you into torsion load that's nice that's nice i like any load that makes me twist about my
05:21longitudinal axis yes yes torsion load that's what i was going for i'm phineas phineas t freakers
05:30hey bartender pour me another shivis i'm pass wow that's quite a grip whoo you gotta check out what
05:38i left of this third stall man i didn't even flash so you could see and because i never flush thank you
05:44freddie but i don't think the lovely lady is interested in your poop no i think it's fascinating
05:51it takes a big man to make a big poop that's my line i always say that isn't that what i say phineas
06:00uh yeah that'll do thanks he's great but listen we could talk doo doo for hours or you know we could
06:07you know we could just head back to my place is it hot in here i sense you're attempting to ask me
06:15if i want to go home with you no what no well yeah yes i mean if it's stupid then no i'd love that
06:23well can't blame a mathematician for playing the odds wait did you say yes okay i think that's a
06:31natural breaking point there are raw carob stevia brownies and turmeric shots in the kitchen
06:36i saw you man spreading in there legs wide open like you own the whole fucking room you peg
06:50oh i beg your pardon i'm gonna give you what you deserve oh don't spray me in the face just try and
06:57stop me
07:02that's the thing about homo sapiens their love making is barbaric a real fucking man call me a woman
07:12you're a woman no subtlety no ramp up she didn't even sniff his asshole oh yes oh yeah take me man ape
07:20take me you're speaking the truth there brother dog how you know you're hooking up with who you
07:27if you whip motherfucking i ain't as a kite's dear friend
07:35oh uh sorry i didn't mean to interrupt uh interrupt heck no i was just giving the lady tour of the place
07:44did you say there were turmeric shots the derm shower rod just collapsed on us i gotta head down to
07:50h hardware pick up a couple drive wall anchors it's a safety issue just lock the door next time
07:58oh she must have just dropped those during the tour
08:01you're the first real man i've met in this town in 20 years here's my number that's mighty kindly of you
08:14easy does you walk around hard as a three-day-old biscotti give me a ring if you want to dunk it in my mug
08:20book club is cool
08:29hello losers this is tess she's with me
08:34hello tess wow you are very attractive how did you meet phineas she chose to be with me her me
08:42making progress understanding the times getting the era
08:48what in the are you doing
08:52come on kitty let's go for a walk oh i love to fat freddie but i got a date actually two dates
08:59but they don't know about each other so don't say nothing
09:02i've been learning about this whole 9-11 thing and it sounds awfully fishy to me jack fuel can't melt
09:14steel beans makes no sense exactly and halliburton holds the patent for oh oh oh oh oh man i love
09:25that you also love mid-coitus conversation no thanks i don't want to fry my circuits
09:31i'm gonna use the little boys room anything i could do for you sure
09:37could you wash this for me what is this my vagina
09:44you know i did have several numbers tucked into my jockeys i try to sort out who goes with who
09:49franklin you the turban lady or the mexican poncho gal frankenhoffer uh oh oh you're the tiny hat
09:55big part frank larino doing good i'ma calendar you in for 5 30 tuesday oh what's up buddy question
10:05i'm sure you get it all the time in your experience with women and i've had plenty of my own of course
10:10but i want your take you ever been with the lady who had a detachable snatch
10:16no man definitely not awesome me neither night bud
10:21fully charged are you ready to go again i'm dating a freaking robot
10:33morning noah you remember tess morning tess good morning african-american homeowner
10:40co-owner how did you sleep last night not so well actually my noise machine switched from babbling brook
10:46to crickets well i didn't sleep too well either was busy over here making love to my human girlfriend
10:52who's not a robot so tess what do you do for a living what field are you in you know what field
10:58she's in the field of minding your own business okay sorry hey what are you doing you're attacking
11:05that thing with a metal spoon you're gonna ding it up it's a bowl what's the big deal big deal is it's
11:12my bowl how'd you like it if i ate at a harper's bowl that ain't a bowl it's the pussy that bitch is
11:18a robot beautiful morning old friend certainly is governor my sweetheart and i are going for a
11:27constitutional in the park care to join us love to but i'm afraid i still have a tremendous amount of
11:34fucking to do i understand completely good day yeah good day to you cheerio
11:46uh
11:52uh
11:56uh
11:58uh
12:00uh
12:02uh
12:04uh
12:06uh
12:08uh
12:10uh
12:12This job is humiliating.
12:32Yeah, well, come chiseling is the only way we're going to afford one of these botches.
12:37Okay, I'll get in Fort Harden's, obviously, we've been through that debacle.
12:42You seem like a discerning gentleman in the art of robotic companionship.
12:48I'd love to agree, but I have no idea what those words mean.
12:51I assume you've come here for a robot girlfriend?
12:54Robot? I thought these were real girls.
12:56Let me ask you a question, my corpulent friend. Do real girls like you?
13:01No, sir. Not historically, no.
13:03Guess what? Every girl here will.
13:07Really?
13:09Guaranteed. Let's take a look at our options.
13:11Would you prefer a sporty gal or maybe a world traveler?
13:15Or perhaps your tastes are more, uh, unconventional?
13:20Hi, I'm Joan Kropowski 3000.
13:23Bibbidi-bibbidi-boop.
13:25Your wish is my command.
13:26I like hot dogs.
13:28You can eat a hot dog out of my ass.
13:30Be still my beating heart.
13:31I'll take her!
13:32Phineas!
13:35This is my gal Joan Kropowski 3000.
13:38She's a robot.
13:39Just like yours.
13:40What?
13:41Why the hell would you say that about my darling Tess?
13:44Because her head's on the counter.
13:46Hello, Frederick.
13:49What?
13:50Just because her head's on the counter?
13:51You assume she's a robot?
13:52Okay, fine.
13:53You caught me.
13:54Hey, let's put their heads side by side.
13:56We'll take a picture.
13:58Not an detachable model.
14:00Not a detachable model.
14:02Oh, man.
14:03What a ripoff.
14:04But check this out.
14:06She can't smell nothing.
14:07Woo-wee!
14:08That could peel the paint off a caddy's fender, Freddy.
14:11Smells like the grave, but she's smiling.
14:14No.
14:15I can't believe we're both dating robots.
14:17Yeah, because human girls is lined up around the block to do a scavenger hunt for Freddy's
14:22fat little dick.
14:23Yes, yes, yes.
14:24Keep your voice down.
14:25Society's not ready for advanced, sophisticated gentlemen like ourselves.
14:29What the hell's all the hullabaloo?
14:31Nothing.
14:32We're just here with our human girlfriends, and we're taking them out to dinner to eat food
14:36because that's what humans do.
14:39Double date?
14:39Well, why not make it a triple?
14:41Darling, you want to grab a bite?
14:43If I wanted a boring dinner, I'd be at home with my boring husband.
14:48Now get back in here, fuckmonkey.
14:50Well, well, no rest for the wicked.
14:51Hey!
14:55Robot love.
14:56Man, we really lucked out.
14:58Great conversation and detachable vaginas.
15:01Plus, super cheap dates.
15:04No, no, delicious steak is not good for robots.
15:06Here, drink some yummy motor oil.
15:11All of it.
15:13All gone.
15:13Good girl.
15:15If you'll excuse us, ladies, Frederick and I are going to use the powder room and take two shits.
15:21Goyles?
15:26Botches are not programmed to regurgitate.
15:28Okay, listen up.
15:30Here's the deal.
15:31I'm not really a robot.
15:32I'm a human sex worker.
15:34But these tech weenies only want to put their weenies into robot hookers.
15:38But lying to user does not compute.
15:42I don't like lying to Freddy, but a gal's got to eat and pay her student loans.
15:47I just got a final notice from Grand Canyon University.
15:50Uh, what are you doing here?
15:58Are we scheduled for today?
15:59Uh, no.
16:00No, well, nothing official.
16:01I just, uh, you know, in the neighborhood.
16:04Yeah, I'm actually seeing friends tonight.
16:06Well, you know, I'd love to meet your friends and find out more about you.
16:09Friends, friends are so banal.
16:12Let's just stick to the sex sketch, okay?
16:14Uh, well, yeah, okay, if you ever want to talk, you know.
16:17You got my, uh, mustache caught, mustache caught!
16:27Uh-oh, we're going to have to get this little guy repaired.
16:30Repaired?
16:31It costs more to repair than it does to buy a new one.
16:33Throw it out.
16:34It's just a dumb machine.
16:35Whoa!
16:36Easy there, with the M-word.
16:38What are you talking about?
16:42Oh, so if somebody can't perform anymore, we throw him out.
16:46Noah confided in me that he can't get it up anymore.
16:49Throw him out!
16:50And-and you, you're on the other side of 35.
16:53You can't have kids anymore.
16:55Let's throw you out!
16:56Jesus, Phineas, what the hell's gotten into you?
16:58It's what I've gotten into!
16:59This lady here is a robot, and the love of my life!
17:02And we're not hiding it anymore!
17:04And you, stop eating out of her vagina!
17:07What?
17:08You told me you couldn't do that without gagging.
17:10Uh...
17:13Pineas, you can't date a robot!
17:16Why?
17:17Harper, it wasn't so long ago that people would have frowned upon our relationship.
17:21What it is Soul Brother!
17:23Right on!
17:24Um...
17:25Uh...
17:26Right on, sir, brother.
17:33Ah, Wi-Fi coverage is spotty in here.
17:35Stand in the other corner, babe.
17:38Go to this corner. Go to that corner.
17:40She's just programmed to keep you happy.
17:42How do I get one of those?
17:43I heard that.
17:44You know what you are? Anti-cybernetic.
17:47Come on, Tess. We don't need to take this.
17:50You know where this is leading, don't you?
17:52The Singularity, a robot uprising that will engulf us all and invariably...
17:57I told you. You start going off like that, I'm gonna flick your nuts.
18:01Oh, dear God, I see stars.
18:08Hey, hey, uh, I noticed that picture of you in a tutu by your bed,
18:13so I got two tickets to the ballet.
18:16That's so sweet. I'll take my husband.
18:19Oh, y'all have fun.
18:21So, thanks for coming, everyone.
18:23I invited Tess here to discuss this week's book, I, Robot,
18:26because she's, uh, well, a robot.
18:30Oh, what do you mean? She works in robotics?
18:33Nope, she's literally a robot.
18:35Metal and wires.
18:35And this guy's dating her.
18:37Seriously.
18:38I don't understand.
18:39Of course you don't understand, because you're prejudiced.
18:42So let me break it down for you people.
18:44She is a robot.
18:47We are in love.
18:48And I was gonna save this for after her firmware upgrade, but what the hell?
18:53Tess, will you marry me?
18:55Say yes.
18:56I'm telling you to say yes.
18:57Yes.
18:58She said yes.
18:59L'chaim will be registering at Williams, Sonoma, and Radio Shack.
19:04Mazel tov.
19:05I call the wine decanter in the wireless charging bay.
19:07Oh, give me a break.
19:09Aw, congratulations, you two.
19:11The first homo sapien robotic union in history.
19:14In my book club.
19:15And so it begins.
19:18The singularity.
19:19I'm locked and loaded, dog.
19:21I take it all back.
19:22Is this progressive?
19:24I think it's regressive.
19:26I think this man is using this female robot for his own selfish needs.
19:31The way y'all been using me?
19:34I'm not just a piece of beef.
19:36I got feelings, too.
19:38You're a red-blooded American stallion.
19:41Act like it.
19:42Wow.
19:43You're all such hypocrites.
19:44Do you hear yourselves?
19:46You spend each week trying to outwoke each other in here,
19:49and the minute you step outside, you treat them like a dildo in a cowboy hat.
19:52Dildo in a cowboy hat?
19:54That's the movie when the two dudes went up the mountain and broke their backs, right?
19:57Franklin is a real guy with a real heart, and none of you ladies deserve him.
20:05Jeez, what happened here?
20:07Gretchen admitted she has feelings for Franklin in a really awkward way,
20:10and Phineas proposed to his robot girlfriend.
20:12He did?
20:12Hey, I'm dating a robot.
20:14I'm going to propose, too.
20:16Joan Krapowski 3000, I loves you.
20:19Let's get married and have a whole bunch of sprockets.
20:22What do you say?
20:23Freddy, stand up.
20:24I got to tell you something.
20:26Yes, my love?
20:28My name ain't Joan Krapowski 3000.
20:30It's just Joan Krapowski.
20:32I don't get it.
20:33I'm not a robot.
20:35I'm a human.
20:36Still don't get it.
20:37I'm a human being who breathes air and eats food.
20:40So that's why your vagina don't come off.
20:44I feel so betrayed.
20:45I thought you'd be happy that a real woman wants to have sex with you.
20:49Guess I gave you too much credit.
20:51You certainly did.
20:53With regards to my farts, I take comfort in knowing you can smell them all.
21:00But now we're over 200 guests again.
21:03Do we have to invite the smart fridge?
21:06Can't invite Gretchen and not invite the refrigerator.
21:09Good point.
21:09Oh, the caterer asked, are there any titanium allergies on your side?
21:15What?
21:16Hey!
21:17Hey!
21:17That's my fiance!
21:20Tess!
21:22Oh, hey.
21:24Hey.
21:25So, I broke things off with those three ladies.
21:29Well, two of them were off already after your harangue, but I made it official.
21:35Cool.
21:35I think that's the right move.
21:37Yep, yep, yep-a-rooney.
21:39I guess, uh, that means old Free Will and Franklin's back on the market.
21:44Anyway, uh, thanks for riding to my defense at that hen-pecking party.
21:49Oh, you know I got your back, Free Will and Franklin.
21:51That's just the kind of relationship we have.
21:54You said it.
21:56Now, wait.
21:57What kind of relationship do we have?
22:04Tess, thank God!
22:05I was so scared.
22:06They just took you.
22:08But I'm here now, baby.
22:09Let's go home.
22:10If you would like to take me home, please swipe your credit card now.
22:14Babe!
22:15What are you doing?
22:16We're in love!
22:16We're getting married!
22:18Please swipe now.
22:19Yeah, so, um, all said you gotta pay to play, dude.
22:23What are you talking about?
22:24What'd you do to my gal?
22:25Yeah, I, uh, sprayed canned air in her holes and wiped her hard drive.
22:31You did what?
22:32You can't do that!
22:33She's not your property!
22:35That's exactly what she is.
22:37She wandered off from the convention.
22:39She was never yours to begin with.
22:41But, but, the save-the-dates have gone out!
22:48We set out the save-the-dates!
22:51Are they human?
22:55Are they robots?
22:56Who knows?
22:57I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for either, boys.
23:00Ooh, look over there.
23:02I think that jukebox is making eyes at me.
23:05Well, you guys might be confused, but Gretchen told me that our relationship is like...
23:10And then, uh, well, she made a gesture and a wink.
23:14So, I got some real clarity.
23:17Wow, you have not lost a step, man.
23:19Barkeep, a second round of shivers for the lights.
23:24Good on her place, boys!
23:27I don't wait up!
23:29I was gonna feed Kitty till I got high
23:31But then I got so stoned that 50 years went by
23:34In last 2020, the same rules don't apply
23:36So I hit up a dispensary to see what I can buy
23:39Give me this, give me that
23:41Let me smoke like hippies
23:42I just let it bump like a red ant
23:44Bit me, time and she weed
23:46Suck me in like a hickey
23:48It's a one-way trip
23:49And my brother's here with me
23:50The other's puffin'
23:53And we just woke up in
23:55Yeah, 2020
23:56Woke up in the year 2020
23:59Oh, no, yeah, yeah
24:01It's a good show!
24:09It's a good show!
24:12It's a good show!
24:13It's a good show!
24:14It's a good show!
24:15It's a good show!
24:17It's a good show!
24:18I hope you'd like me to see it
24:19I'm gonna play a lot
24:19I want you to get it
Recommended
24:15
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