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00:00The summer is the most romantic time of the year.
00:30Who knows? If he gets kissed, he may turn into a prince.
00:33His technique isn't so different from the courting rituals of a more familiar species.
00:37The American puff-chested male.
00:40The hair gets shinier, the clothes get funkier, and the look in the eyes gets spacier and spacier.
00:47Yup, there's no mistaking the courting rituals of the teenage boy.
00:50So, whether you're a lion or a sea slug or a humanoid, spring is the time for romance.
00:56And it looks like my best friend Sam has just come down with spring fever.
01:26All right, all right.
01:28Na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:31Na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:35Hey, cool.
01:36Na-na-na-na-na.
01:40Na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:44Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:47Just do it.
01:49Okay, the thing about math word problems is that sometimes the words are the problem.
01:55For example, if a farmer has three chickens who each lay six eggs a day for a year.
02:02Whoa, and I'm bored already.
02:04Who cares about chickens and eggs?
02:05Let's talk about something I can relate to.
02:07to. Now, if a really cute farmer has three convertible sports cars, and he drives each
02:13six miles a day for a year, now we're talking. So why not just use a calculator? Sam and
02:20I are competing in the school mathalon. It's sort of like the Olympics of junior high school
02:24math. If we win, we get to go to the national mathalon finals in sunny Waikiki. Sam's got
02:30his boogie board waiting, and I'm still waiting for Sam. Hi, Sam.
02:37We better get started. Sorry, I'm late. That's okay. Get ready to multiply, divide, and conquer.
02:44Here, take a look at this problem. My biggest problem right now is the phone. The phone?
02:50What does the phone have to do with the mathalon? I just can't concentrate on anything else.
02:55Okay. If a telephone operator handles 600 calls a day... Sam, what are you doing? Oh, sorry.
03:05Does my hair look okay? It looks fine, but why are you dancing? I wasn't dancing.
03:12Okay. You weren't dancing. You were wiggling. Now can we get to work? Sure.
03:18Sam, you're about to hit a 10 on an RCB scale. RCBs? Radical changes in behavior. You're either
03:24having a pre-mathalon binomial breakdown, or you tell me. Well, actually, I'm having a problem
03:30with the Q factor. You mean factoring for Q? I mean factoring for Elise Quackenbush.
03:36Elise? What's wrong with Elise? Nothing. Never really talked to her. She's always smiling,
03:42though. I know. I just love the way she crinkles her nose when she laughs. And have you ever
03:48seen her drink a can of soda? She has the cutest way of slurping out the last drop with her straw.
03:52And the way she twirls that long, beautiful hair. Sam, back to Earth. I'm glad you and Elise
04:00are hitting it off, but if we don't get started studying, we'll never get to Waikiki. You're
04:05right. Okay, let's start with theorems. Now, we have A squared plus B squared. Clarissa,
04:11I need your help. Come on, Sam. This stuff is easy. But dialing Elise's phone number is really
04:16hard. I've had her phone number written on my hand all day. I can't concentrate until I ask
04:21her out. So ask her out. What if she says no? Our only exchange was when she pinky-waved
04:27at me from across the cafeteria. Sam, if she already pinky-waved at you, you're a shoo-in.
04:31Just call her. But I can't. Every time I start to dial, my hand turns into a claw. Sam, just
04:37dial her number. Pretend you're calling pizza to go. See? Easy, right? Sam! I couldn't remember
04:50if I wanted pepperoni or extra cheese. It was ringing in her house. Maybe you're not
04:55ready for this. Can we start studying now? Okay. You call her for me. Then can we study?
05:01Sure. I'll be a math dweeb for the rest of my life. If you'll just call her. That's what
05:05it takes. You make it look so easy. Hey! I said I call her. I never said I'd speak to
05:14her. Hello? Is this Elise? Hi. This is, um, um, Sam. Sam. Sam from school? Hi. I was
05:27just wondering if you wanted to, um, if you wanted to... Hang out. Hang out at the, um,
05:34frisbee flink tomorrow afternoon. Okay. Bye.
05:40Oh. I'm sorry, Sam. I thought it would just be best to bite the bullet. Jump in the deep
05:46end. Go for it. Don't be mad. Mad? Why would I be mad? She said yes. I can't believe she said
05:52yes. She said yes? That's great. Congratulations. Now can we finally hit the equations? Oh, sorry,
05:59Clarissa. I've got to get ready for the frisbee fling. But it's not until tomorrow afternoon.
06:03How many showers can you take? If I don't practice my frisbee fling, I'll look like a dork tomorrow.
06:07Sam, if we don't practice for the math lawn, it's adios, aloha. We can catch up on the math
06:11stuff after tomorrow. And thanks for helping me, Clarissa. How come sometimes the more you help
06:19others help themselves, the more you feel totally helpless?
06:28Ferguson! Aunt Dorney sent you some spending money for Groundhog Day. All right!
06:33And this year she's only two months off, but how come he gets cash and I got a porcelain
06:36duck limp brush? Well, you know your Aunt Dorney, she's a little old-fashioned.
06:40She probably knows the while Clarissa fritters away her disposable income. I'll be entrusting
06:45my funds to a safe, reliable home. You mean your itty-bitty piggy bank. Actually, since
06:50I'm opening a bank account. Ferguson, that's very wise. Wouldn't a piggy bank be less risky?
06:55First Federal is a very sound institution. Now all I'll need is a copy of my birth certificate
07:00to open an account. I'll go get it for you, Ferguson. Oh, thanks, Mom. Of course, she has
07:04to go to Mars for the original. Very funny, Slug Rath. I bet you wish you had enough money
07:08to open an account. I just wish I had enough money to send you into another time zone.
07:14Take a look. What do you think? Well, to be honest, Dad, it looks like a doghouse.
07:21It is a doghouse. Oh, but wait till you see it. It's gonna be so much, much more.
07:26Really? Yeah. We're getting a dog? I'm not walking it.
07:29Relax, Ferguson. It's for the Pop-Impellers. They commissioned me to design the ultimate living quarters for their dog, Precious.
07:35You're building a home for a dog named Precious? Yes. It's a very picky poodle and also very yappy,
07:40so they want me to spend some time with her, you know, get a sense of her personality.
07:44This is strange. What is?
07:46Marshall, have you seen Ferguson's birth certificate? Well, don't you usually keep it upstairs in your jewelry box?
07:50Well, yours and mine is there and Clarissa's is there, but Ferguson's is missing.
07:54I knew it. He's an alien invader from another galaxy.
07:57I must have misplaced it. I can't believe it. I don't exist.
08:02Don't be silly, Ferguson. I had a funny feeling I didn't come from this family.
08:07Yeah, Ferguson, I'm sure it'll turn up.
08:09Wow. I'm adopted. It's okay. You can tell me. I don't mind. It all makes sense when you think about it.
08:16Ferguson, I hate to disappoint you, but I'm sure your birth certificate is around here somewhere.
08:20Sure, Mom. Whatever you say, Mom.
08:22You can always call the hospital.
08:24Absolutely, Dad. I'm gonna go look for it until I find it.
08:28And I'd better go study. Me too.
08:33Yes! We're not relating! Yes!
08:37Yes! I knew it! Yes!
08:41Yes. Yes. Yes!
08:44Ferguson, not my real brother. This could be the happiest day of my entire life.
08:49Except I don't think the equation quite adds up.
08:52Now, if only Sam would get over here to study, we could get that Waikiki equation going.
08:59Hi, Sam.
09:03Hi, Clarissa.
09:04We better get cracking.
09:05Yeah, but, um, could we get cracking later? Like tomorrow?
09:09Sam, signing up for the math alone was your idea. You're the one with the boogie board.
09:13I know! And we'll work on it all day tomorrow.
09:16I just wanted to thank you for getting me and Elise together.
09:19I didn't get you together. All I did was dial.
09:22But what does that have to do with the math lawn?
09:24Well, I promised Elise I'd help her paint her bike today.
09:27Okay. Well, what about later on?
09:30Later, we're gonna paint mine to match.
09:32And after that?
09:34After they drive, we're gonna ride them.
09:36Oh, well, that's all really sweet, Sam.
09:39Well, what can I say?
09:42Have fun.
09:43I knew you'd understand.
09:45Are you sure you still want to do this math lawn thing?
09:47Absolutely!
09:48But I better go. Elise is waiting.
09:51You're the greatest, Clarissa.
09:55I know. I know.
09:57It's a curse.
10:02Well, I signed Sam and me up for the math lawn this afternoon,
10:04but I couldn't even find Sam.
10:06Should I even bother describing the many ways Sam's blown me off this week?
10:09I can just imagine what he and the lovely Miss Quackenbush have been up to.
10:16I guess it's hard to have time for square roots when you're in spring fever heaven.
10:24Love isn't any splendored thing.
10:26How come when you're not the one in love, it all looks like one big dork fest?
10:30Who can blame him?
10:34If I were frolicking through the field of love, I wouldn't have time for math either.
10:41We would appreciate having some juice as well.
10:43We?
10:44Oh, did you bring your imaginary friend with you today, Ferguson?
10:47Haven't you ever heard of the royal we?
10:49You mean the royal weenie.
10:51The royal memory is very long.
10:52We shall not forget your impertinence.
10:54Well, we really don't care.
10:55We happen to have done a little royal research, and this text reveals our true heritage.
11:02The boy King Ferganand of Moldaria?
11:05What's Moldaria?
11:06A proud land, now forgotten.
11:08We shall be receiving royal offerings on the morrow.
11:11Can't you hold off on the humiliating behavior until it's officially declared that you're not my brother?
11:16Your humiliation is complete without our help.
11:18Allow me to present the list of math-a-lon teammates.
11:21You'll note item number seven.
11:23Sam and Elise?
11:25Sam and Elise are math-a-lon partners?
11:27So sorry.
11:28Apparently you've lost a kinship with a king and a partnership with a peon all in the same week.
11:33Can't believe this.
11:35Good show, former sis.
11:37Well, we're off.
11:38Riding to hounds this afternoon.
11:40Time, no?
11:44This whole week has been one big subtraction.
11:47Ferguson's lost his last living brain cell, and I've lost a math-a-lon partner.
11:52I just hope I haven't lost a best friend.
11:54Spring may be a time for romance, but it's also a time for major bummers.
12:07I think it's time for a late-breaking darling family update.
12:10Dad's been hanging out with Precious to perfect the luxury poodle condo.
12:14I just hope he's not barking up the wrong tree.
12:17Meanwhile, Mom's turned the house inside out, but she still hasn't found Ferguson's birth certificate.
12:23She has, however, found 36 dollars and 52 cents in loose change.
12:27All the missing socks we thought had vanished to that great laundry room in the sky.
12:32And the winky-blinky doll I lost when I was two.
12:36Ferguson's convinced that he was the king of Mel Derry, and now they give him the king of this king.
12:42Royal pain in the butt.
12:44And in math-a-lon news, the new kid in class is my new partner.
12:47Ernie Fingers Libra Cow.
12:49They call him Fingers because that's what he counts on.
12:52Which means he's going to be an athlon any time in this century.
12:57Clarissa?
12:58One of the-
12:59I'll see him later, but Clarissa, I think I have to stop seeing Sam.
13:07But I thought you two were really getting along great.
13:09Well, we were, but don't get me wrong, I like Sam.
13:12I just don't like like Sam, you know what I mean.
13:14That's okay, not everybody's meant to go out, that's all.
13:17Well, I just thought you might know how I can let him down easy, since you're his best friend and all.
13:21Well, Sam's pretty good at rolling with the punches.
13:23Just do what I do, tell him exactly what's on your mind.
13:25Well, it may not be that easy.
13:27What's exactly on my mind is, I'm beginning to think it's annoying.
13:30Really?
13:31Sam's annoying?
13:32Totally.
13:33The way he laughs, the way he picks food off my plate, the way he never tucks his shirt in, everything.
13:40That's funny, those are exactly the things I think are really cool about Sam.
13:44Really?
13:45Yeah, for one thing, that laugh can get me out of some major bad moods.
13:48Well, yeah, I guess sometimes it is kind of cute, but not all the time.
13:52Well, nothing is cute all the time.
13:55I used to like it, but maybe I'm just seeing so much of him, it's like too much of a good thing.
14:00He does have his own style.
14:03Definitely, but I guess I can only see Sam through best friend vision.
14:07Well, I never thought about that. Sam's a great best friend, isn't he?
14:11Yeah, he usually is.
14:13Wow, Clarissa, I was all set to break it off with Sam, but now I see what a great guy he is.
14:19That's what I've always thought.
14:21Probably a lot of girls really, really like him.
14:24I'm sure they do.
14:26Thanks, Clarissa, this really helped me out a lot.
14:29But I didn't say anything.
14:30If you want to break up with him, you should.
14:33So you think I should break up with him?
14:35No, I mean, yeah.
14:37I mean, do whatever your heart desires.
14:41Sam's right, you do give great advice.
14:43Well, I've got to run, I'm meeting Sam at the mall.
14:46Thanks again.
14:48When dear Abby gets stuck in the middle of other people's problems, at least she gets a paycheck.
14:57No fingers, I think it's better if we each study on our own.
15:01Sure.
15:03Okay.
15:05Bye.
15:14Hey, what's up?
15:15Oh, you know.
15:16Cosines, tangents.
15:18Picturing fingers trying to count past ten.
15:21How about you?
15:22Well, I've been spending a lot of time with Elise lately.
15:24I know.
15:25And it's getting weird.
15:26Weird?
15:27Why weird?
15:28I thought Elise was ready to break up with me, but then she changed her mind or something.
15:32That's good, right?
15:33Actually, I kind of wish she had gone ahead and broken up with me.
15:36What?
15:37Why?
15:38So I wouldn't have to break up with her.
15:39But I thought you really liked her.
15:40That was before.
15:41Before what?
15:42Before she started getting on my nerves.
15:44What happened?
15:45When I figure it out, I'll explain it to you.
15:48But it's all little things.
15:49Like the dumb way she crinkles her nose when she laughs.
15:52Sam, you used to love that.
15:54Used to is right.
15:55And then there's the way that she slurps that last bit of soda out of the can with her straw.
16:00Every single time, it drives me crazy.
16:03And she never stops twirling her hair.
16:06So do you think we could be Mathalon partners again?
16:09No way, Sam.
16:10You blew me off to be with her and now you want to come back just because you changed your mind?
16:14I guess I really was a jerk.
16:18I'm sorry about the Mathalon.
16:20I got carried away.
16:21I know, I know.
16:22Spring fever.
16:23No, you're right.
16:24Besides, what would I tell fingers?
16:26Beats me.
16:27What do I tell Elise?
16:28I don't know.
16:29Lucky for me, I'm fresh out of advice.
16:31I don't want to hurt her feelings.
16:33Sam, I have a feeling Elise can roll with the punches.
16:36Just tell her what's on your mind.
16:38But we still have to study together.
16:40Hey, do you think we could study over here with you?
16:43I don't know about that, Sam.
16:45It'll be too uncomfortable if we have to study alone.
16:47Besides, wouldn't it be more fun to study with us than with fingers?
16:51I have a point.
16:52I'll think about it.
16:53Thanks, Clarissa.
16:54You really are a great best friend.
16:56Great.
16:57How do I ever get stuck in the middle of something I'm not even supposed to be a part of?
17:02Since I haven't been able to work on any math problems lately, I've been trying to work out my own problems.
17:09Okay, the object is to get out of the tunnel of love without getting caught in the middle.
17:15Sam and Elise dragged me in here.
17:17Now it's up to me to get out.
17:19And we're off.
17:20Look out for Cupid's arrows.
17:22Hey, Sam and Elise are hit.
17:23I'm the sole survivor.
17:24Uh-oh.
17:25They're back.
17:26Now I have to avoid those breaking hearts.
17:27Looks like it's home free.
17:28Oh, no!
17:29How come when they head for each other?
17:30I'm the one who gets stuck in the middle.
17:31I know just what to do.
17:32Ask Mom.
17:33She's always the voice of reason.
17:34Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
17:35Oh!
17:36I must be losing my mind.
17:37The great search continues.
17:39It has to be here.
17:42It's a secret.
17:44It's a secret.
17:45Oh, no.
17:46How come when they head for each other?
17:47I'm the one who gets stuck in the middle.
17:48I know just what to do.
17:49Ask Mom.
17:50She's always the voice of reason.
17:51Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
17:52I must be losing my mind.
17:55The great search continues.
18:00It has to be here.
18:02here. It's as if Ferguson's birth certificate just grew hangs and decided to walk right
18:07out of here. I wish we could lose Ferguson and find his birth certificate. Mom, have
18:15you ever been in the middle of something you didn't want to be in the middle of? What
18:19do you mean, Clarissa? Like, if your best friend likes someone, so you help him call
18:22someone, who then doesn't like him, so you help her realize how great he is, but then
18:25he doesn't like her, so you feel right smack in the middle of it with a yucky mathlone
18:29partner. Phew, that's pretty complicated. But do you know what I mean? Not really, but
18:34maybe. You know, when I was in high school, your father told Sally Kirk and Pfeiffer he
18:38liked me, and then she told my old boyfriend, Joey Russo, and then Sally told me she liked
18:42Joey, but she thought Joey still liked me, and boy did I feel stuck right smack dab in
18:47the middle of a mess. Phew, so what happened? Well, we all got together for pizza one afternoon
18:52and things just sort of worked themselves out. So I just have to get in the middle of what
18:56I'm really in the middle of in order to get out of it. Mm-hmm. What are you talking
19:01about, Clarissa? It's an old football play Sam once told me about. Fake them into thinking
19:05you're going up the middle, but then they'd be way, way, way. Well, I think it's time for
19:15the Darling Equation. Take one Sam, add Elise, split from the room, and hope they divide themselves.
19:21Hi, Sam. Hi, Clarissa. What's up? Where's Elise? Hi, Clarissa. Nice ladder. Thanks for letting
19:37us study together. Yeah, if we really crank out together, it's aloha like kiki. Well, may
19:43the best team win. Where's your partner? Fingers? He's probably at home getting study tips from
19:48Big Bird. Okay, let's just start. Yeah, but you know, I can never do the binomial theorem
19:54on an empty stomach. I'll just run to the mini-mart, grab some Maffilon munchies. Wait, stick around.
20:00Yeah, we should all get started together. The sooner we begin, the sooner I can split. Hey,
20:06wait a minute. You sound like you don't want to be here. I don't. Oh, I didn't want to be here
20:10first. Then what are we doing here? Clarissa asked us over. Uh, I'll just be getting those
20:15munchies now. Stick around. I've really got to go. You know, sometimes three into two doesn't
20:19go. Well, this was all your idea. My idea? Maybe we should forget about studying together.
20:25Well, that's fine with me. Will you stop twirling your hair? Sure, as soon as you tuck in your
20:30shirt. I should have broken up with you when I wanted to break up with you. Yeah, me too.
20:34So why didn't you say something sooner? Why didn't you say something sooner? I would have,
20:37but then I talked to Clarissa. Hey, don't look at me. I tried not to get stuck in the
20:41middle. Sam, you... and Elise was... Clarissa, would you stay out of this? Now you tell me. I
20:47never even would have called her if it hadn't been for you. You wouldn't have even called
20:51me. Clarissa, help me call Elise. Okay, maybe, but you should have known she was wrong for
20:56me. What could I do? You begged for my help. Did not. Did two? Did not. Did two? I'm getting
21:02out of here. I can see why you two get along so well. You're both completely nuts. Well,
21:10that could have been worse. Could not. Could too. Could not. Could too. Could not. Could
21:15too. Could. Okay, here we go. Oh, you're going to love this, precious. Are you ready? Ready?
21:21Hey, here it is. Here it is. This is it. What do you think? Huh? Precious? Precious? Come
21:35back. Precious? Come back. Come on. We'll try French Provincial. Voila! I found that
21:43look, Ferguson, your birth certificate. Oh! It was stuck behind the desk all this time. Can't
21:48you stick it back there? You mean I'm not a king? Or a knight? Or even a rook? Sorry,
21:54Ferguson, looks like you're a true blue darling, but we're glad to have you back in the family.
21:57There must be some mistake. So how did the math along go, you guys? Well, there's no way
22:03we could have known, really. Yeah, but what a surprise. What's a surprise, dear? Fingers,
22:08my math partner. Oh, yeah, a little slow on the uptake, huh? Lightspeed's more like
22:12it turns out he's some kind of genius. That counting he was doing on his fingers, he wasn't
22:16counting numbers. He was keeping track of radical Googleplexes. Google what? That's math talk
22:21for a whole bunch. We made it to the playoffs, but then we choked when fingers got a hang now.
22:25How did you do, Samuel? Not too hot. My math partner and I kind of weren't talking. It makes
22:31you... It didn't help anybody. We were staring at Jillian Mingpot the whole time. Yeah, she's
22:37kind of cute. Sangors. You think you can help me ask her out? No way, Sam. If there's
22:43one thing I will never forget from this mathalon, it's Count Me Out.
22:46Normally, it takes 365 days for a year to pass. But at the Roundhouse, a year blows by in just 24
23:10minutes, 38 seconds. How do they do that? Check out the crazies at the Roundhouse, next on SNCC.
23:17The Roundhouse.
23:25Hey, cool!
23:26Na, na, na, na, na, na.
23:28Na, na, na, na, na.
23:32Na, na, na, na.
23:34Na, na, na, na, na.
23:36Just do it!
23:38Na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
23:39Na, na, na, na, na, na.
23:41Phone员
23:42Isabel
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