00:00DISTANT COUSINS
00:30DISTANT COUSINS
01:00DISTANT COUSINS
01:30You and your girlfriend, Jennifer Lyons, are going to be the stars of the tennis championship. Why? Because surprise! I decorated your tennis racket!
01:41Thank you, Valky!
01:48Well, you don't seem very happy. Do you think I went overboard with the bells?
01:56No, no. I love jingle bells. But my sister Elaine called. She's been awarded a scholarship to the Juilliard School of Music.
02:06That's great!
02:07Not entirely. They've only given him part of the scholarship.
02:10Does that mean he can only go to one part of the Academy?
02:13No.
02:15No. It means they only pay half of the tuition.
02:18You will not be able to enroll in the Academy if you do not get the other $3,855.
02:24Does cousin Elaine have that money?
02:27Of course not. That's why he called me.
02:30Oh!
02:32And do you have that money?
02:35Of course not.
02:37But I promised her I'd get the money, and I'm not going to let her down. I need to think of a way to earn it.
02:42Cousin! Cousin! You know what? In my post...
02:44In my post there is a surefire way to make money by serving people goat's milk and pork moro for breakfast.
02:49All that you want for 50,000 dictas and a limit of 10 per family.
02:58Let me think about it.
03:10Val, what happened to you?
03:12After we left the bank we had a car accident.
03:15We stopped at a red light, but the one behind us didn't.
03:18And he hit us from behind, right on our butts.
03:28Cousin, I can fix it for you. I used to take care of sheep with back spasms.
03:35Grab your head.
03:37Valky, please.
03:43Valky, please.
03:46Valky, please.
03:47Valky, please.
03:51Don't help me, please.
03:55Don't help me.
03:57Don't help me.
04:02Sorry.
04:06Appleton, Bartók Comus has to sort the mail.
04:09If you want to rest, sleep at your own table.
04:11He is not resting, he is suffering.
04:17He was in a car accident and Larry hurt his back.
04:20And I hurt my finger, my little finger.
04:24Act like you have a heart, Sam.
04:26Oh, how terrible!
04:31Outside the table, we have to deliver the mail.
04:34I'll get up right away or it'll pass.
04:37Cousin, let me help you.
04:38No no!
04:40Don't help me.
04:44I think that's my finger, my pinky.
04:46I know.
04:48I saw dislocated backs in my time.
04:59In fact, I've dislocated some myself in my time.
05:07So take my advice, go to the hospital to get it checked out.
05:10It's nothing, my back dislocates often.
05:13Help me get up.
05:15Oh, much better.
05:19Thank you for your interest.
05:21But I know how to fix this.
05:22A little ice, a heating pad
05:24And I'm sure it will return to its place on its own.
05:28I have a heating pad in my desk drawer.
05:31I won't need it until the 26th.
05:36Cousin, I'll go get the ice.
05:38Do you prefer it wet or dry?
05:40Wet.
05:42Excellent choice.
05:43Smoke-free and does not stick to the skin.
05:45Thank you so much!
05:50Thank you so much!
05:56Thank you so much!
05:59Okay, do you have a lawyer yet?
06:18That?
06:20A lawyer?
06:22Appleton, they rammed you from behind.
06:24You could sue that guy and get him to compensate you.
06:27But my back has settled, I'm fine.
06:30Hey?
06:31I don't think it's fair that someone should pay because I'm injured when I'm not.
06:38Appleton wouldn't have to pay anything, but his insurance company would.
06:42For his company, paying four or five thousand dollars means nothing.
06:51Four or five thousand dollars?
06:53Yes, but hey, maybe you don't know what to spend that money on.
06:57Four or five thousand dollars.
07:04Dr. Bolvo has said that the best thing Cousin Larry can do is nothing.
07:16And I'm here to make sure he does.
07:20She's behaving like an angel.
07:22Cousin.
07:22But the worst thing of all is the mental anguish.
07:29Other?
07:30No.
07:31I mean that when you're used to being an active, vital, and independent member of society,
07:38It's hard having to sit around and not being able to do things for yourself.
07:43Even simple things, like picking up a magazine, tying my shoes, or turning on the television, are impossible.
08:00And, of course, the pain is sometimes very unbearable.
08:10But, in reality, the worst thing is this helplessness.
08:15This complete dependence on another being.
08:19I think this is it...
08:20Harder to bear.
08:41It must be hell.
08:43Today, girls, this...
08:47He is exhausted.
08:48I'm afraid the visit is over.
08:52We'll come see you tomorrow, Larry.
08:54And don't worry about the tennis championship.
08:56We'll be able to play in the next one.
08:58Ah!
08:58What a shame, Jennifer, with such a beautiful outfit you bought!
09:03Don't cancel it yet.
09:05A miracle can always happen.
09:13Get well soon, Larry.
09:28Bye bye.
09:28Bye bye.
09:29Get well soon.
09:30Thank you.
09:32I'm not going to miss that tennis championship.
09:34Cousin, Larry, get that idea of playing tennis out of your little iridescent mind.
09:39You need to do a lot of rehabilitation before you can even start thinking about doubles with Jennifer.
09:46You may be right, Valky, but it's like having a goal or something to strive for.
09:54Now, listen, I'm going to the market to get you some things with high fiber content.
10:03You just sit there and leave the fight to us.
10:09Why am I so resourceful?
10:17Don't know.
10:26It's the third ball of thirst.
10:32In the mixed doubles championship, Appleton begins his perfect serve motion to the back of the court.
10:42But it's back.
10:43Jennifer's beautiful outfit moves in the breeze.
10:48While watching Appleton send an incredible passing shot down the line.
10:52Oh no!
10:53They returned her with a balloon.
10:54Appleton backtracks and sends a definitive spot.
10:58The victor raises his arms, game, thirst, match.
11:04The spectators cheer him.
11:10Haven't you seen this?
11:13I've seen it.
11:15It's a miracle.
11:16For a moment I was completely healed, completely...
11:20But...
11:20The moment has passed.
11:24Bye bye.
11:26I thought you were going to the store.
11:28I forgot my car keys.
11:30Lucky me.
11:31Can...
11:32Can you help me to the sofa?
11:36Yeah.
11:36You're right.
11:43I need to start doing these things for myself.
11:48That's it.
11:54You don't believe anything, sorry.
11:57No, I don't believe any of it.
11:59Okay, okay.
12:03I understand why you think it's wrong from your point of view.
12:10What's wrong?
12:13But you have to understand that I'm only doing this for Elaine.
12:17Are you only doing this for Elaine?
12:19Cousin, your lies are overflowing because of your tiquis mamas.
12:22No no.
12:24It's true that I'm doing it for Elaine.
12:26You see, the guy who hit us has insurance and I can get money from his insurance company for my back pain.
12:32Are you referring to that back pain you don't have?
12:34Yes, that one.
12:36And I'm going to take the money and give it to Elaine to go to Juilliard.
12:40And nothing you say or do will change my mind.
12:47Oh, really?
12:48What do you think?
12:49Liar, liar!
12:50Tiresome pants!
12:56Well, let me tell you, sir, hot pants!
13:07I won't finish until the sisters grow hairs.
13:11Happens!
13:31Mr. Appleton, this is Joseph Garber from the insurance company.
13:36Please have a seat.
13:39Yes, it's already on wheels.
13:40Nice touch.
13:43I have read the report about his accident.
13:47Papastiki!
13:48Papastiki!
13:49Papastiki!
13:50Papastiki!
13:51Papastiki!
13:52Papastiki!
13:53Papastiki!
13:54Papastiki!
13:55Papastiki!
13:56Papastiki!
13:57Papastiki!
13:58Papastiki!
13:59Papastiki!
14:00Papastiki!
14:02Papastiki!
14:03Papastiki!
14:04Papastiki!
14:05Papastiki!
14:06Papastiki!
14:07Papastiki!
14:08Papastiki!
14:09Papastiki!
14:10Papastiki!
14:11Papastiki!
14:12Papastiki!
14:13Papastiki!
14:14Papastiki!
14:19Papastiki!
14:20What are you doing?
14:22What are you doing?
14:36I prepare to sing the hipapapokino, jachubachubambú.
14:42The Miposian litany of truth.
14:47Do you have to do it now?
14:49Yes, I do, cousin. It's possible there's still a spark of honesty left in you.
14:58And if such a spark exists among the embers, the hipipapapokino, jachubachubambú, will turn it into a flame.
15:13Okay, fine, but sing quietly. I'm negotiating.
15:19Bastiki et ha-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ba-jum!
15:23Obey-bi-pi-mili-pi-mili-ipipapapokino, jachubachubambú!
15:27You lying piece of shit!
15:28Draibo! Draibo! Draibo!
15:30Iki-ki-ki-ba-jum!
15:32Obey-bi-pi-mili-pi-mili-ipipapapokino, jachubachubambú!
15:35To the top now!
15:36What people can do to make it rain.
15:44Okay, where were we?
15:47Based on the accident report and your medical record, we are prepared to offer you fair compensation of two thousand dollars for your pain and suffering.
15:56Two thousand dollars?
15:58That barely covers my pain, let alone my suffering.
16:02I was thinking something like...
16:06...three thousand eight hundred and seventy-five dollars.
16:09Well.
16:11You've set a high price, Mr. Appleton, but it's a deal.
16:13I'll prepare the papers.
16:14Enough! Enough! Enough!
16:37It's over!
16:39You can stop reciting the litany of truth now!
16:41I've already done it, cousin!
16:42The litany of truth has failed, as we have seen.
16:48Now I am singing the litany of...
16:50...miposian hope by Elaine.
16:55I only hope you don't condemn her to the same fate that befell the great Miposian accordionist, Umpomusicaco.
17:06Umpomusicaco?
17:08I'd never heard of him.
17:10Few have heard of him.
17:12And do you know why?
17:17Because he too started a promising career as a musician, but...
17:23...with dirty money.
17:27Tragic.
17:30Tell me about it later.
17:31I'll tell you now.
17:39I'm lost.
17:45You see, cousin, when Umpo was very young, his brother Bimbo...
17:49...gave him money to buy his first accordion...
17:54...and for years, Umpo played the most beautiful music in all of Mipos.
18:01They said he could make sheep jump.
18:04What am I saying, making the sheep jump?
18:07He made them tap dance!
18:09Until one day, Umpo discovered...
18:24...that the money his brother Bimbo had given him was stolen.
18:29He started playing really badly, which...
18:31...on the accordion it can be quite annoying.
18:34His brother's dishonesty...
18:43...had taken it away...
18:44...the greatest joy of his life, his music.
18:49I just hope you don't condemn Elaine to the same fate.
18:56Mr. Appleton, I think I have everything in order now.
19:00Cousin, I think Mr. Garber wants to talk to you.
19:04Listen, we both know this isn't honest...
19:09...and we both know that deep down in your heart...
19:14...you are an honest man...
19:16...and not a bimbo.
19:27If you sign here...
19:29...my company will send you a check for...
19:32...$3,875.
19:34Something wrong?
19:46Yeah...
19:47...I just remembered that...
19:51...I suffered a similar blow when I was an explorer.
19:55If there's a possibility that this is just a relapse from that blow...
20:01...well, I...
20:02...let's say...
20:06...my conscience will not allow me to accept their money.
20:14You're joking, right?
20:15I ask for the floor.
20:22Cousin Larry doesn't joke around when it comes to matters of conscience.
20:27Great.
20:27In that case, if you sign this cancellation order here...
20:34...I will be able to leave.
20:43My colleagues at the office aren't going to believe it.
20:45Cousin, you haven't done it, you haven't done it!
20:50I'm proud of you.
20:52Thank you.
20:56But I wouldn't have had to do what's right if...
21:00...had been doing the wrong thing for the past five days.
21:03But, cousin...
21:06...normally, each person's consciousness takes some time to react.
21:10Is five days okay for you?
21:15I suppose so.
21:18But I've wasted the last five days...
21:20...when I should have been thinking of a way to raise the money for Elaine's tuition.
21:24Well, maybe we can sell something.
21:28I know!
21:30We will sell my car.
21:31Valky, you paid six hundred dollars for that car.
21:35I don't think they gave us three thousand eight hundred and seventy-five.
21:39Not even if we removed the dents.
21:41Which is impossible.
21:48She's my sister and there's only one thing I can do.
21:53Sell my car.
21:55Oh, cousin.
21:57Your sister is very lucky to have you as a brother.
22:01Thank you, Valky.
22:04Let's go to the used car dealerships.
22:10Valky, you're not going out like that, are you?
22:16Of course not.
22:18He doesn't make a fool of himself.
22:23He would look like a fool like that.
22:27Come on, let's negotiate the advantage.
22:29That?
22:29Thank you!
22:59Thank you!
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