- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:0045 minutes this thing is sitting there and it hasn't cooled off yet listen chalupa it's your
00:19vegan i need you to come over here and watch the desk okay of course
00:31so maybe's left you in charge huh are you saying that because i'm a woman i should not be in charge
00:37no no it's because you're a scheming opportunistic balkan peasant you should not be in charge
00:43you're a little brown bastard break it up break it up thank you shenanay i'll take it
00:53morning mavis yeah good morning y'all i want you to say hi to buddy what the hell is that
01:02did that come up from the basement no we saw him at the animal shelter and rita just fell in love
01:09with the little guy we had to bring him home courtney do i need to remind you that a weasel
01:13is not a pet for black people we wear those to church
01:27in my country that isn't a pet it's a picnic
01:31that's disgusting by itself yes but picture it with a biscuit and curly fries
01:35ain't no one eating my buddy and he's not my pet he's my animal companion you know what he actually
01:44is he is a health hazard this is a hotel girl look courtney get that nasty thing out of here and take
01:51the ferret with her mavis that's uncalled for couldn't you say something nice to read her for a change this
01:58is the woman i love she's the reason i get up in the morning who are you kidding that's biology child
02:03you'd get up in the morning whether she was there or not davis please oh look okay
02:12rita nice ferret
02:18now get out oh come on he's cute i want you to see him no yes come here buddy mommy's got to go to work
02:26with the sick people but i'm gonna leave you here with your daddy and your auntie mayray
02:29right oh no yeah but no no he's a little light-skinned for a ferret you know but i ain't tripping over
02:35that yeah yeah you want to see him no i don't want to see him come on maybe let's be light
02:41son of a bitch what happened what happened i'm so sorry that mother ferret just bit me
02:48he just bit me i'm so sorry he's a bad boy he's a bad boy you know how bad
02:53he is i'm gonna get it back and pop the weezer
03:09mavis won't you just have your doctor look at this because i only got one doctor it's my
03:12gynecologist i'm getting ready to cut her loose because they have that many eggs left in the carton
03:16channel my curriculum smelling salts iodine my god this has to be the oldest surviving first aid kit
03:25or we finally found saddam's chemical weapons cache
03:31maybe you should just go to the hospital hospital are you crazy no no do you know what they do to
03:36people in the hospital care for the sick and injury no child they mess you up you go to the doctor you
03:41say oh i got a sore throat he said no that ain't no sore throat you got strep caca
03:47you said what what i got what he said you got strep caca blood pressure goes up you have a heart
03:52attack they open you up they look around they find out all you had was a sore throat but hell they
03:56already in there so let them mess around they sew you back up send your ass home with a bill for 14
04:02million dollars which your insurance company is not going to cover because they don't take care of
04:06that kind of stuff you end up on west houston street with a dirty rag and a spray bottle talking
04:12about can i get some help hell no i'm not going to the hospital that's right but you know i i read
04:22about the man in texas who went in for a bladder operation he came out missing a penis
04:28his own penis
04:29no the one he keeps on the keychain
04:41i'd feel much better if you just went to the hospital well i would feel better if you get
04:45off my back about this look do me a favor just get me some alcohol and some ice okay alcohol
04:50mavis it's 10 a.m rubbing alcohol with club soda and a twist
04:54all right let's just put it on it's gonna tingle a bit okay oh oh tingly tingly tingly oh you
05:02notice that old people cue you know it's good when it's tingling oh but now it's burning that's
05:09kind of burning smoking thing that's that's good too that's good it's working burning burning burning
05:15black woman coming through make way come on come on you're making a scene now i would never do that
05:27come on clear the path look leave that man alone all i want to do is get a shot and go home okay just
05:32here to help you hey hey come on listen miss i need to see a doctor i need your insurance card
05:39sign in please uh i have a little problem i'm sorry i'm not allowed to care until after you sign in
05:49well i i can't write dd we got another illiterate i need a consent form with pictures
05:58no you don't understand i got bit by a ferret my hands all swole up it's killing me that's why i
06:04can't write here let me fill it up i'm here for okay okay okay so uh how old are you okay moving on
06:13how much do you weigh 112 pounds
06:22come on let's go fill that out over here she don't she don't mean nothing to me
06:28may ray there you are girl oh courtney called he told me you were coming in i am so sorry you
06:34am i all right do i look all right she is the antithesis of all right all right come on girl
06:40i'm gonna hook you up with a blood you know what i've had enough of you and the ferret and all that
06:44goes along with you just leave me alone oh come on you know buddy didn't mean it he's my little baby
06:49well if that's your baby you need to get your tubes tied i don't know why you're bugging out i'm just
06:55trying to make everything copacetic no you know what would have made it copacetic if my brother had never
06:59met you then you wouldn't have been at the hotel the ferret wouldn't have been at the hotel fair
07:03wouldn't have bit me i wouldn't be at the hospital this is all your fault that would have been copacetic
07:07if you had not been there fine suit yourself i got better things to do well go and do them then
07:13mavis ray oh that's me sorry y'all she recognized me
07:22now here's your card you need pre-authorization we'll have to call
07:25well what does that mean it means that before you get treatment you have to notify your insurance
07:29company to see if they'll give you authorization oh come on you gotta be kidding me this gotta be
07:33some kind of mistake look i got double indemnity girls the gold card we could do this the easy way
07:39or we could do this the hard way oh who are you now tina turner
07:47let's let's start again okay sister to sister you know we always trying to get over help a sister out
07:56girl forget about this pre-authorization help a sister out dd i'm gonna take a break
08:04i will slap you like ike
08:10i'm a little concerned about buddy he hasn't been the same since he bit mavis it sounds like he's snoring
08:18he's making the death rattle don't say that rita entrusted her only pet to me
08:23she would be crushed if anything happened to him should i start digging the hole
08:29hang in there buddy we're gonna get you to a vet
08:33if you don't make it in time i know a good furrier
08:41why are you here that's our scoutmaster he's teaching us how to throw a hatchet
08:46why are you here i got bit by a ferret cool hey guys this old lady got bit by a ferret
09:00some gift shop he only got his chips
09:10you know i met a man on the other side you know there's a waiting room over there
09:15we are in the waiting room to the waiting room this man he um he fell off a roof and he landed on
09:20the rake and he split his back open you know and he drove himself to the hospital you know can you
09:24imagine in a hot sweaty car driving with your back spit open on a seat on a seat with no beads my god
09:32yes i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
09:36the poor young man his back is split open they keep him waiting for four hours you are
09:41a menopausal woman with a tiny cut on your finger how long are they gonna see you we're going to be
09:46in three days minimum three days get out get out go go go to the gift shop and get you some my darling
10:00see it's the ferret lady awesome i hear you get a hundred shots in the stomach with a huge needle
10:06do you think you're gonna die i'm not pre-authorized for that
10:10look what the hell is going on here excuse me excuse me do you think you could put down the
10:21papers put down the birthday cake and give us a little humanity here i mean come on this is not
10:26some third world country where we sitting around the field waiting for the u.n doctors to come and
10:32by the way they would have been here by now put some crocodile poop on my hand sent me home and
10:38made me pay them a chicken rita rita rita rita rita how about that girl oh it's not open i can't seem
10:47to find it i'm sorry i will please let me in i'll be copacetic
10:55nobody knows the trouble i see
11:08hello oh hey courtney how's everything at the hotel actually i'm not at the hotel i'm at the
11:15veterinarian oh tell me you're getting ready to put that rat down no no no buddy's taken ill his
11:23doctor wants to know if you wait hello are you telling me the sock puppet got a doctor before i did
11:28yes he's got white dolphin insurance platinum
11:36anyway the doctor wants to know if you have any communicable diseases because buddy's having a very
11:40strange reaction goodbye he bit me here's your l gray thank you i'm sorry mavis just a second
11:50could i trouble you for a little biscotti plain or almond surprise me
11:59oh this place is amazing they really treat animals humanely well look uh see if they can take me
12:05because i'm a humane she's making a joke right now
12:10mavis if you could do me a favor please tell rita rita who that crabby broad left me here to die
12:21oh my god here comes satan cell phones are not permitted in the hospital they interfere with the
12:26equipment i'll take that they ran out of my door at the gift shop so i got you a beef jerky and a playboy
12:41if you're here with me and courtney is at the vet who the hell is running my hotel chat wika
12:50please fill these out thank you very much please could you fill this out thank you very much does
12:58anyone else need one no uh jadriga yeah what's what's going on what does it look like i'm running
13:04the hotel now get up to 3 10 and then do your magic with the toilet excuse us
13:13this would be very camera mavis is grotesquing swollen i do not know when she will return now we
13:17must follow the chain of command i know nothing of the chain of command that's because you are a
13:22foreigner in america there is always a chain of command it goes hotel owner handyman owner's brother
13:30owner's brother's girlfriend random stranger housekeeper easy i've seen your laundry i know things
13:40this dude passed down the bathroom step aside we got a loss of consciousness just a minute that's my
13:50gurney i'm supposed to be next loss of consciousness goes to the front of the line well i wish the hell
13:55you told me that an hour ago i'd have had somebody bash me in the head
13:58i said loss of consciousness not loss of dignity i'm taking a break shannon o'leary
14:25shannon o'leary oh happy saint potty's dance me oh help me out blonde oh erin go brah erin go brah black iris block iris
14:42welcome to the hotel amonto may i help you hello may i help you no he cannot help you because he is only
14:47the handyman have you know in iran i used to be an engineer i'll have you know my husband and i were
14:56the bulkhead's largest purveyor of sausage-like food products sausage-like you are filth
15:05please let me sign you in no please let me take you to your room i will turn down your covers i'll
15:10fluff and puff your pillows i will do anything to make your stay more pleasurable anything
15:19what did i say all right miss o'leary so just take a minute look when's the doctor coming in i'll start
15:28the procedure the doctor will be here later well i just think i should tell you i'm really here about
15:33my hand look everyone gets nervous before this type of procedure if i were you i just lay down and try to
15:39relax you keep saying procedure what what procedure are you talking about your colonoscopy oh hell no
15:56you're not touching me with that what are you doing in here you got to help me girl this man's trying to
16:00do something to me he's trying to give me a colonoscopy well go on and have it you covered you've got the
16:07gold card miss o'leary why don't you give her the special we call it the pinwheel
16:17reena reena come here girl they're trying to do something bad to me and i should care because why
16:24huh why should i care because you we family you know i'm sorry about everything i said about you
16:34behind your back to my brother courtney to your dad okay girl stop it would you put on an r9 evelyn
16:44all right i'll go get the doctor are you telling me that all i had to say was r9 eight hours ago and
16:53i could have seen a doctor you didn't know what an r9 was you still don't only we know about r9s
17:02how much time can you give it oh miss evelyn could you bend over
17:13so you really owned a factory with 200 workers yes and we'd still be in business
17:20if it wasn't for the european union and their stupid health codes
17:23and now you clean toilets and you fix them a man who sent the first iranian to the moon
17:37we know when i said the moon i meant pakistan
17:43and when i said iranian i meant armed warhead
17:45still we deserve better what did mavis lay do to own this hotel simply sing a silly song
17:56if only i were lucky enough to be born a black woman in america
18:06stop oh my god oh my god it's killing me stop stop
18:10girl the shot is over
18:15but you was fierce i'm so proud of you thank you come on let's get you out of here
18:19come here sit down for a second
18:31look i i just wanted to say something you're never ever going to hear me say again
18:35oh girlfriend come on and say it you know we friends now hell we practically family
18:40look i uh i really appreciate everything you did i i can't thank you enough
18:48oh mayra oh girl girl girl girl my arm
18:53courtney is gonna be so happy you see i knew we was gonna be tight now we having us some girl time
18:58now let's see i'm gonna introduce you to my crew i'm gonna take you shopping i'm gonna do your makeup
19:04you know what let's talk about that later on
19:06but i gotta tell you what i mean straight up i love your brother no really i love your brother
19:17and at night
19:20when we turn the lights down real low and we start laughing we put on some music girl we start getting
19:25busy oh look look girl time's over i got to go
19:34uh supposed to take these pills with food
19:44and you're not supposed to drink alcohol ah now isn't it interesting neither are you and jadwiga
19:50and yet there's a whole bottle of cognac missing this salamati this salamati
19:58hey girlfriend what's up hey me and my crew was going out for a drink and i told them i know this
20:02spot mavis ring will hook us up because she's my girl what do you have i'll have a cavassi
20:08and coke they'll have cosmo give me a jack and ginger
20:21i don't know if you pre-authorized for that
20:26the gold card
20:28okay girl you got it come on girl
20:32this is not my pet this is my animal animal okay
20:38smelling salts
20:42i'm sorry what was that what are you doing here
20:45but tell a man i don't want to call him out
20:47i don't want to call him out
20:50i don't want to call him out
20:52i don't want to call him out
20:56oh
21:00now
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