- 2 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm getting pretty good at this parallel parking.
00:10It's not what this is, but okay.
00:15You know, it was, uh, it was fun sightseeing with you.
00:19How'd you know where all those celebrities lived?
00:20I've done some light stalking in my day.
00:24Oh, look at this poor guy.
00:26He's got like ten tickets and a booth.
00:28I've seen this car here. It's been here for like a month.
00:31Who leaves that car like this?
00:32Well, whoever he is, he's a big fan of mine.
00:34He's got a stack of my headshots in the front seat.
00:37Joey, when you bought your new car, you did return the rental, right?
00:51Nope.
00:51Come on.
00:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:01Everything gonna be all right.
01:02I'm gonna fight ya'll, I'm alright, y'all.
01:05You wanna be alright, you gotta watch on.
01:07Come on.
01:08Everything's gonna be alright now.
01:11Everything gonna be alright.
01:13I'm gonna fight ya'll, I'm alright, y'all.
01:15You wanna be alright, you gotta watch on.
01:17Hey, what are you doing here so early?
01:28I just had to get out of that salon.
01:30I hate work so much.
01:32I knew I should have been a corrections officer like that Tess said.
01:36You still having problems with your boss?
01:38Yeah, Victor is such a creep.
01:39He's always standing over me and criticizing me and telling me what to do.
01:43Like Mom with a mustache.
01:44Have you seen Mom lately?
01:47Why do you work at a job that makes you crazy, Mom?
01:51Easy, college.
01:52In the real world, work isn't always a picnic.
01:55Oh, please.
01:55You make pretend for a living.
01:58Uh, I have done my time in the trenches.
02:01Oh, yeah?
02:01Doing what?
02:02Digging!
02:04What other job do you do in a trench?
02:08Oh, I just wish I had my own place.
02:10This way, instead of working for this horrible boss, I could be the horrible boss.
02:14Oh, yeah, you'd be good at that.
02:15You're always telling us what to do.
02:16Yeah.
02:17Michael, don't sit so close to the TV.
02:19You'll go blind.
02:20Yeah, or, uh...
02:21Hey, Joey, get your hand out of your pants.
02:24Or, Michael, tell Joey to get his hand out of his pants.
02:29Well, so why don't you open your own place?
02:30Because I don't have the money.
02:32Well, you must have some.
02:33I did.
02:34Now I don't.
02:36Oh, all right, I gotta get going back there.
02:40See ya.
02:41Bye.
02:42God, she seems miserable.
02:43I wish there was something we could do to help.
02:46You could give her some money.
02:47Start her own salon.
02:49I meant, like, buy her a cake.
02:51Oh, come on.
02:52I mean, you gotta have some money saved up.
02:54I do, yeah.
02:54But that money's a safety net for me.
02:56And besides, it's not a good time for me to be spending money.
02:59I'm in a new city.
03:00I don't have a job.
03:01I got $1,200 in parking tickets.
03:04From a car I still haven't returned.
03:07But what if it's not a great time right now?
03:10I mean, you know, it's not like you have to give her all your money.
03:12Look, Michael, I can't dip into my savings, all right?
03:14There are harsh realities to being an actor.
03:16That money is specifically set aside in case I ever lose my looks.
03:20What?
03:21Why?
03:22I mean, even if you turn ugly, you're such a great actor.
03:25You still get tons of work.
03:27That is weak, dude.
03:29I cannot wait for my entire body to fail what my feet are feeling.
03:40How many hours a day do you spend in here?
03:42Well, my record is nine, but, uh, I was passed out for five of them.
03:49Oh, one of the kids lost his little military man.
03:53Sergeant Dropkick!
03:54So, Eric's coming home tonight.
04:01Your husband?
04:01Oh, great, great.
04:02I finally get to meet him.
04:03He's been gone so long.
04:05I know, but now his orchestra's playing in town.
04:06Oh.
04:07What instrument does he play?
04:08The viola?
04:09Lynn.
04:13Violin.
04:13Thanks.
04:17Listen, about Eric, there's one tiny problem.
04:19Um, I mentioned my new pal Joey to him, and I got the impression that he was a bit threatened.
04:24Come on, by me?
04:25Yeah, well, I told him about the two of us hanging out, and I guess he thinks it's weird, his wife doing stuff with a single guy.
04:32That's ridiculous.
04:33I've always had women friends, and there's nothing sexual about it.
04:36I love the way women think.
04:39I love the way they laugh.
04:40I love the, I love their soft hands.
04:43I love the small of their back, the curve of their, oh, I see why he'd be upset.
04:47But it's not like anything would ever happen with us.
04:52And it's a little insulting.
04:53Like, I can't handle a couple of weeks alone.
04:55Like, I can't go that long.
04:57Like, I just gotta have it, and any man will do.
05:00Alex, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
05:02I do not have to have it.
05:05I don't.
05:07Okay, look, he'll see that there's nothing between us, and that he has nothing to worry about, and he'll be fine, right?
05:12Absolutely.
05:13Yeah, and a little tip.
05:14Maybe, just maybe, if you knew the name of the instrument you played, you might not feel so threatened.
05:20No, I know what a violin is.
05:22There you go.
05:29Hey, Gina. Sorry I'm late for lunch.
05:31Oh, it's okay. I'm just finishing up here.
05:34So, uh, where's this Victor guy you keep complaining about?
05:37Oh, around lunchtime, he either goes to the gun shop next door, or it's strip club on the corner.
05:41Nice neighborhood, by the way.
05:42Well, tell me about your day. I'm bored stiff here.
05:46Well, I just found out that Alex's husband thinks it's weird that we hang out.
05:50Well, it is a little weird. I mean, a married woman and a single guy.
05:53Uh-uh. Not okay.
05:56Oh, you speak English.
06:00Five years.
06:01Look, you guys hanging out would be okay if you knew her before she was married, which she didn't, or if you were friends with him as a couple, which you're not, or if you were gay, which would be okay.
06:17Will you stop with that?
06:20He's an act of the lines of blurred.
06:23What, so you're saying I can't be friends with Alex?
06:25No, just maybe lay low while her husband's around. Otherwise, he's gonna be threatened by you.
06:30You're a good-looking guy.
06:32Yeah, I guess you're right.
06:33Sometimes I wish I was only an eight and a half.
06:41Tina, I had some bad news. No paycheck tonight.
06:46All money from register went down strippers' panties.
06:51Who is this?
06:52This is my brother. He's visiting me.
06:54Oh, I forgot. This is not a salon. This is Victor's house for family reunion, huh?
07:00I'll, uh, I'll get out of here.
07:11A magazine is only for customers.
07:15So is the chair.
07:19So is floor.
07:20Oh, come on!
07:30Hey.
07:40Hey.
07:41By the way, the rental car's still there.
07:46That's what this is for!
07:49Oh, hey, I went by your mother's salon today. I met her boss.
07:53Pretty horrible, huh?
07:54Yeah. The guy's like a Russian Joseph Stalin.
07:57I can't believe she has to work there.
08:02Well, there is a way to fix that.
08:04Give her some money.
08:05Oh, Michael, I don't know.
08:06No, but just think about everything she's done for you.
08:08She found you this place.
08:10She, she made it into a home.
08:12I, uh, if the situation were reversed, she'd do it for you in a heartbeat.
08:18Yeah, that's true.
08:19And it would just be a loan.
08:20I mean, she, she'd pay you back.
08:22In fact, she'd probably let you name the salon.
08:25Ooh.
08:28The hair place.
08:29Oh.
08:29The hair up there.
08:30No, no, no.
08:31Captain Fabuloso's cave of hair.
08:36Okay.
08:36Okay, let's do it.
08:37Really?
08:38Yeah.
08:39Yeah, it's the right thing to do.
08:40Oh, God.
08:41Can I call her and have her come over so we can tell her?
08:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:43I'm just gonna take a quick dip in the hot tub.
08:45So, say, two, three hours.
08:46All right.
08:46Okay, time for relaxation, man.
08:52You've earned it.
08:56Evening.
08:57Sorry, I'll, uh, I'll, I'll try back later.
08:59Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
09:00Come on, there's room in here for both of us.
09:01Uh, not the way I hot tub.
09:05All right, well, uh, I'll try not to keep you and your men waiting long.
09:11Oh, what, what?
09:12These, these things are my hot tub.
09:13Oh.
09:16Thanks.
09:18So, I, uh, haven't, uh, haven't seen you around here before.
09:22My orchestra has been on tour.
09:24Oh, you must be Eric, Alex's husband.
09:27I'm, I'm Joey.
09:33You're Joey?
09:37Oh, thank God.
09:40Oh, God.
09:42Man, that is great.
09:43Yeah.
09:45What?
09:46Uh, no, it's just that Alex said she'd been spending a lot of time with you recently,
09:50and, uh, I was just, I was, I was expecting something else.
09:53That's all.
09:53Look, it is really great to meet you.
09:54Oh, hey, you too.
09:55Yeah.
09:59Uh, so, we're good?
10:01Oh, yeah, we're good.
10:05Why are we good?
10:07What the hell's that thing for?
10:09Hey, so, Mom's on her way over, and I'm looking at the commercial real estate listings, and
10:19she's like, hey, do you find me threatening?
10:20Not until this very moment.
10:23Alex tells me her husband is paranoid, I'll steal her away.
10:26Then, he meets me, and suddenly, everything's fine.
10:30Well, maybe he just thinks you're not Alex's type.
10:32Oh, please, I've done it lots of times where no one was anyone's type.
10:38He doesn't think I'm good looking.
10:40I can't believe this.
10:42I'm about to give away my lose-my-looks fun, and now I'm actually losing my looks?
10:46Oh, no.
10:48Joey, you look great.
10:50I mean, it was just the other day you were up on that step stool,
10:53and I couldn't help admiring your calf muscle.
10:54I kind of knew you were looking.
10:59It's me.
11:00Oh, great.
11:01I can't wait to tell her about the salon.
11:02Whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:02Why do you get to tell her?
11:03Because you get to name it.
11:04Oh, that's right.
11:08I'm really trying to imagine what's so important that I can't wait till after Jag.
11:13All right, come on, Mom.
11:15Sit down.
11:18There's something we want to tell you.
11:19Oh, my God.
11:20Jag got canceled?
11:22Oh, sit down.
11:23Sit down.
11:24Here.
11:27What's this?
11:28It's a long.
11:29It's not that much, but hopefully it's enough to get you started.
11:34Get me started with what?
11:36Captain Fabuloso's Cave of Hair.
11:41Mom, it's for your own salon.
11:45Oh, my God.
11:47Are you kidding me?
11:48No, no, no.
11:48This is too much.
11:49No, no, no, no.
11:50We want you to have it.
11:52But this must be all the money, and you'll lose your looks fun.
11:54Oh, thank you.
11:57Thank you so much.
11:59And I'm going to cash in my savings bond, too, which I know it's not a lot of money, but
12:03it's yours.
12:04Oh, honey, you are so sweet.
12:06But I cashed that in like five years ago to help paint for your braces.
12:08I didn't have braces.
12:11You guys are the best.
12:20Hi.
12:20Hey.
12:21I need to go to my room and study.
12:22What are you going to do?
12:23Well, I'm luring Alex's husband over here with a pretend maintenance problem because he's
12:27the super, but my real plan is to prove to him that I'm sexy.
12:33We lead very different lives, you and I.
12:34Hey.
12:43Hey.
12:44Uh, so there's some kind of problem with the fireplace?
12:46Yeah.
12:47The flu seems to be all blocked up, and I was hoping to light a fire.
12:51It's 80 degrees out.
12:54Well, I'm always chilly.
12:55I have very, very, very low body fat.
12:58Yeah, well, me too.
13:00Actually, I'm about 11%.
13:02What about you?
13:03Zero.
13:06Okay, I'll just, I'll check out the fireplace.
13:10Oh, would you, look what someone left lying around.
13:15Soap Opera Digest from 1997.
13:19Look at that.
13:21Huh?
13:23Most sexy newcomer, Joey Tribbiani.
13:26Who writes this fluff?
13:28That's an old photo, too, back from my modeling days.
13:31You were a male model?
13:33Yeah, well, I was, yeah, but I was, uh, run out of the business for being too promiscuous.
13:43Say, you, uh, you look like you could use a hand now.
13:45Uh, no, no, I'm good, actually.
13:47Oh, either way, either way, maybe I'll just roll up the old pant leg and lend a hand.
13:53Oh, barely, barely fits over my muscular calves.
13:57Uh, look.
14:02Okay, all right, I, I see what's going on here.
14:05You're gay.
14:06What?
14:07No!
14:08But if I was, I'd be attracted to myself.
14:10Well, here's your problem.
14:20How on earth did a water newspaper get up there?
14:23I don't know, but, uh, it's today's paper.
14:27Honey, Bill just called.
14:31Rehearsal got moved up an hour.
14:32Oh, jeez, I better get a move on.
14:33I'll hold dinner.
14:34Oh, no, no.
14:35Um, oh, have it with Joey.
14:37And I opened a great bottle of wine.
14:38Don't let it go to waste, all right?
14:39And Joey, be careful, okay?
14:41When she drinks, she will want to dance for you.
14:43Oh.
14:43So do you want to come up?
14:48What the hell was that?
14:49Oh, okay.
14:50Your husband isn't threatened by me at all.
14:53Oh, well, that's great.
14:55No, it's not.
14:55Why isn't he?
14:56Oh, maybe he thinks you're not my type.
14:58Okay, I did not want to have to do this, but take a look.
15:01Why doesn't he think I'm a threat?
15:05I don't know, but if it'll make you feel better, I guess I could ask.
15:08Yeah, do that.
15:09As soon as he's done playing his viola.
15:11Damn it!
15:11Now you got me saying it.
15:20Now this is a nice space.
15:22Good street traffic.
15:23There's great parking.
15:25Look, there's already plumbing for a bunch of sinks.
15:27We could put those over here.
15:28God, there's so much room.
15:29You could practically roller skate in here.
15:32How good are you at cutting hair on skates?
15:35So what do you think of it?
15:37Oh, it seems nice.
15:39Nice?
15:39Oh, Gina, this is definitely the best place we've seen.
15:42And once you sign the lease, you can order the equipment and start hiring people.
15:44And then you can fire people.
15:46And you'll actually have the authority to do it.
15:48Not like that time we went to Home Depot and you started firing anyone who wouldn't wait on you.
15:53Oh.
15:54I mean, I haven't even said yes to this place.
15:56You need to have me hiring employees.
15:57Well, yeah, there must be room for, like, six stylists in here.
16:00Oh, they're going to have to learn how to skate, too.
16:05Six stylists?
16:06That's a big operation.
16:07Mom, you just got to use a little imagination.
16:09We're going to paint the walls, okay?
16:11We'll put some new tile down.
16:12You're kind of throwing a lot of stuff at me.
16:14Oh, if we put mirrors on this wall and mirrors on this wall, then the bird and the fish can look at each other.
16:25Bird and fish?
16:27Captain Fabuloso's a pirate.
16:28Ah!
16:31No, Mom, I think we should take this place right now.
16:34Because if we don't, someone else will.
16:36Maybe I should sleep on it.
16:37Come on, you got to make a decision.
16:39I can't do this right now.
16:40I got to go.
16:45What did we do?
16:48Ah, you know what?
16:50I bet she wants this to be her place, and we're totally telling her what to do and taking over.
16:55Well, I guess that's true.
16:58You guess?
16:59Come on.
17:00Dude, some of your ideas are pretty stupid.
17:02Hey, Alex.
17:10Hey.
17:11So, uh, did you talk to your husband?
17:13Did he tell you why he's not threatened by me?
17:15Oh, yeah, let's just forget about that.
17:18You did talk to him.
17:20I want to know what he said.
17:22Maybe he thinks I'm too attractive.
17:23He thinks you can never get a guy like me.
17:26No, and wow.
17:28Oh, wow.
17:29Then what?
17:30Okay, well, he thinks you're goofy.
17:35Goofy?
17:37Well, he makes snap judgments about people, and he saw you as this out-of-work actor who
17:41sits in the jacuzzi all day and plays with toys.
17:44They're not toys.
17:44They're heroes, but...
17:48Okay, all right.
17:49Well, uh, great.
17:51Mystery solved.
17:52Uh, uh, good to know.
17:53I-I-I'll talk to you later, okay?
17:55Wait, don't wait.
17:57You don't think that he's right, that you're goofy, do you?
17:59Well, I want to say no, you know, but then I look at these drawings of dragons I was doing
18:04all day, and...
18:05But that's sweet.
18:11And there's much more to you than what he sees.
18:14I mean, you're so good.
18:18I see how nice you are to everyone in the building, and to your nephew, and you gave your sister
18:23money to start her own business.
18:26How'd you know that?
18:27The walls are thin, and I'm a little nosy.
18:31And it's not just the way you treat other people, it's the way you treat me.
18:36What do you mean?
18:36You always ask me about my day.
18:41You know I'm lonely, so you include me in stuff.
18:44And to be this sweet, and as great-looking as you are, my husband may not be threatened,
18:47but maybe he should be.
18:51But, more than anything, you're just goofy.
18:53Yeah, yeah, I got the dragons to prove it.
18:55Yeah.
18:55Man.
19:04Okay, look, Gina, we just came by to say that we're sorry, all right?
19:07We're throwing a lot of ideas at you.
19:09Some of them were good, some of them were Michael's, but we just want you to know that
19:13we are going to back off.
19:14Yeah.
19:14From now on, the salon, it's your project.
19:17Yeah, yeah, you won't be getting any more input from us.
19:19Although, it would be cool if the fish was a Japanese fighting fish.
19:21Okay, I'm done.
19:22Guys, that's not why I was upset.
19:28Then what was it?
19:30It's just, I don't want my own salon.
19:34Hey, Gina, look, I know what it's like to start something new.
19:38When I moved out here from New York, I...
19:40Oh, I cannot hear this again.
19:41People move all the time.
19:43Get over it!
19:48Wow.
19:49It does seem to come up a lot.
19:52The point is, it's natural to be scared.
19:56I am not scared.
19:58Just that when we were looking at that place today, I realized that I don't want to start
20:01my own business.
20:03You don't?
20:03No.
20:04It sounds like a lot of work.
20:06I mean, don't you realize this is the first time since you were born that I haven't had
20:10a ton of responsibility?
20:12And don't get me wrong.
20:13Raising you was the best thing I ever did, but it was work.
20:16I thought you said I was a really easy kid.
20:18Honey, the therapist told me to tell you that.
20:22Look, I appreciate what you guys are trying to do, but at least you helped me realize that
20:26I'm too good to work for Victor.
20:28I am going to quit.
20:30Hey, that's great.
20:31Mom, good for you.
20:32It's awesome.
20:32I know.
20:33I just finished writing my letter of resignation.
20:35Oh.
20:37Huh.
20:37You think dumbass should be hyphenated?
20:40Well, when it's followed by that word and that word, I wouldn't worry so much about the
20:45punctuation.
20:48Oh, Jolie, you should know that I got a couple of different job leads, and as soon as one
20:51pans out, I'll give you back most of your money.
20:54Most?
20:55Oh, enough about me.
20:56How are you handling the move from New York?
20:58Oh, I thought you would never ask.
21:05I did it.
21:06I am finally done.
21:07I'm done with the rental car.
21:09You paid all the tickets?
21:10Uh-huh.
21:11You got the boot taken off?
21:12Yep.
21:12And you returned it to the right place?
21:14Yes and yes.
21:16I am taking off this string.
21:25What the hell is this one for?
21:37I'm going to go.
21:38I'm going to go.
21:38I'm going to go.
Recommended
21:35
|
Up next
1:27:12
1:40:56
21:29
1:20:30
1:34:25
21:00
58:11
20:15
21:04
44:21
Be the first to comment