- 5 months ago
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00and steer you like three so unrealistic Derek Jeter doesn't strike out on three curveballs in a row
00:07did you know that the laws of physics suggest that the curveball is actually impossible
00:13why do you have to ruin stuff like that the curveball is impossible don't eat that it's
00:18solid mold that's not a dog it's a possum stop letting it lick your face why I gotta get to
00:25school dude let me let you in on a little secret you don't live with your mom anymore you don't
00:29have to go to school stay here we'll have fun man I really have to finish some work well so you can
00:36work here this is comfy couch a lamp pens what else do you need a Kray T3 e1200 supercomputer
00:42the lamp has three settings I just I don't have anyone to hang out with here do you have to go to
00:50school every day isn't the teacher ever sick or you get like a snow day or something there are not too
00:56many snow days in LA oh it's funny you mention that because I'm studying a climate change scenario
01:00right now where the polarize caps melt and oh just go I know I can beat you yeah steer right this is a new low
01:19cool
01:23yeah
01:26come on
01:27come on
01:27yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah everything's gonna be all right
01:31all right y'all all right y'all all right y'all you wanna be all right you gotta watch all
01:36come on
01:37yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
02:07Did you break another piece off the wall?
02:10It's just begging to be climbed.
02:13I just want to drop off Michael's laundry.
02:14I got to get back to the salon.
02:16You're going in this late?
02:17Yeah, my first client canceled.
02:19Cut, rest her soul.
02:22I was hoping you could stay.
02:24I was thinking maybe we could hang out.
02:25Is something wrong?
02:26I don't know.
02:27I mean, I like L.A. and all,
02:29but being between projects
02:30and not knowing that many people yet,
02:32I'm kind of lonely.
02:33How are you supposed to make friends as an adult?
02:35Have you met anybody nice in the building?
02:37Well, there actually is this one guy, Jake.
02:39He lives across the courtyard.
02:40He seems really cool.
02:41Well, have you talked to him?
02:43Kind of, yeah.
02:43I've run into him a couple times by the mailboxes.
02:45He's always going out to play basketball with his friends.
02:48Man, if I knew him, I could play ball with them, too,
02:50assuming they also suck.
02:53So why don't you be friends with him?
02:55Yeah, why don't I just catch a rainbow
02:56and put it in my pocket?
03:01Oh, come on.
03:02It should be easy for you.
03:03It's like picking up a girl.
03:04How do you do that?
03:05I don't know.
03:07I kind of go into a zone, you know?
03:09I just start talking to a girl,
03:10and the next thing I know,
03:11I'm sneaking out of her apartment.
03:14Hey, maybe you and Michael should have a party,
03:16like a housewarming.
03:17Invite the whole building.
03:18Have Jake come.
03:19Yeah.
03:20That's a great idea.
03:22I can call Jake right now.
03:23I know from the mailboxes
03:24that his last name is Morgan.
03:26Eh, more than just a hat rack, Gina.
03:30J. Morgan, Morgan.
03:31Shoot, there's like ten J. Morgans.
03:35If only I knew his address.
03:42Nah, here's a guy with the same address as me.
03:44Well, I got it.
03:46I'm on it.
03:51You hear that?
03:52That might be Jake.
03:53Should I go talk to him?
03:54Go, Joey.
03:54Go grab your rainbow.
03:59Jake, Jake, Jake.
04:00Hey, what's up, man?
04:02Joey, right?
04:03Well, my friends call me Jaybird.
04:05Uh, anyway, uh, my roommate and I
04:10are having a little party Thursday
04:11for everyone in the building.
04:12Oh, yeah, sure.
04:13I'll stop by.
04:13Awesome.
04:14Yeah, you won't be sorry.
04:15The Jaybird throws a great party.
04:19Why do I keep calling myself that?
04:20Hold it together, Jaybird.
04:29Hey, Joey.
04:31Hey.
04:31Come on.
04:32Can I say hello to me?
04:33Oh, I didn't even see you there.
04:34Hello, hello.
04:36Oh, your skin is so beautiful.
04:38Come on, off.
04:38Yeah, right.
04:41So, listen, I know you're having a party tonight,
04:43so I just wanted to drop off a list of rules
04:44about noise and parking and stuff.
04:46You know you're invited, right?
04:47Oh, okay.
04:50Oh, hey, Alex.
04:51Hi, Michael.
04:52Who are you on the phone with?
04:53Did you ever meet Seth from college?
04:55Was he the homeschooled kid with the glasses
04:57or the Asian kid allergic to light?
04:59I don't think you ever met him.
05:00He's this super competitive guy.
05:02He just called to gloat about this fellowship he won
05:06like I hadn't already read about it
05:07in the American Journal of Astrophysics.
05:09By the way, can we please get some new magazines
05:11for the bathroom?
05:15I mentioned the party to him,
05:16thinking he's never going to come.
05:18Not only is he coming now,
05:19he wants to bring his girlfriend.
05:21So?
05:22You don't understand.
05:23If Seth Tobin has a girlfriend,
05:25it means, oh, God,
05:26it means I'm the last guy
05:27from my group of friends at school
05:28to have a serious relationship.
05:30The last.
05:30Even after the allergic to light guy?
05:33Arthur Trang does all right.
05:35I mean, if you tell a girl
05:36we have to sit here in the dark
05:37or I'll die,
05:38and stuff happens.
05:41That is going right in the arsenal.
05:43God, I'm so sick of Seth beating me all the time.
05:49You know what it's like
05:50to have someone who's like you,
05:51but just a little bit better?
05:53Yeah, Johnny Depp.
05:58I don't even want to go tonight.
05:59What?
06:00This is our party.
06:01The whole reason to have it
06:02is to do something together.
06:04I thought this party was for Jake.
06:05That's right, Jake is coming.
06:08You know what?
06:09You need a girlfriend tonight?
06:10I don't know this Seth guy.
06:11I think I'll be your girlfriend.
06:13Okay, Mom, no.
06:15We could be a couple.
06:17Aren't we a cute couple?
06:18People go to jail for things like that.
06:21Seriously, Mom, stop.
06:23You don't think I'm sexy enough?
06:24I mean, come on,
06:25this is the body of a 22-year-old.
06:26I mean, look how tight my...
06:27Please, stop.
06:29What did you say?
06:31Well, first of all, oh so tight.
06:34And I could do it.
06:35You'd really do that for me?
06:36Yeah, I could be your girlfriend.
06:38I mean, after all,
06:38my husband's out of town.
06:39I could use a date.
06:40Alex, you're a married woman.
06:42Is that really appropriate?
06:43You know the word appropriate.
06:46Well, um, Alex,
06:47if you'd come with me tonight,
06:50I'd really appreciate that.
06:53Big step down, but whatever.
07:01Hey, your fake girlfriend's here.
07:04Oh, uh, is that what you're wearing?
07:06I just thought you were going to show a little more skin.
07:08Well, sometimes what you don't see is sexier.
07:11Only women think that.
07:15I'm s-no, I'm sorry.
07:16You look great.
07:17I'm just, I'm a little nervous about tonight.
07:18That's all.
07:19Uh, maybe we should get our story straight.
07:21I mean, if we blow this, Seth,
07:23you'll never let me hear the end of it.
07:25Okay, um, my middle name is Julia.
07:28I grew up in-
07:28Oh, actually, well, I-I had some thoughts about your backstory.
07:32My backstory?
07:35Veronica Rockefeller.
07:37Neurosurgeon slash bikini model.
07:40I'm sorry, am I not good enough for you?
07:41No, no.
07:42For believability, please lower your age to 30.
07:45Right.
07:46I'm 28.
07:47Hey, guys, could you, uh, not stand by the door
07:53when Jake comes in?
07:54I don't want you two to be the first people he sees.
07:56Come on.
07:59Yeah.
08:02Hi.
08:03No, no, no.
08:04Ego, in ego.
08:06Seth.
08:07Sorry I'm late.
08:08I had a congratulatory phone call from Stephen Hawking.
08:11An honor.
08:12Sure, but just...
08:14Uh, this is my girlfriend, Molly Wintle.
08:16Oh, hi.
08:17Uh, this is my girlfriend, Alex Garrett.
08:20I didn't know you were seeing anyone.
08:22How long have you guys been together?
08:24Uh, well, it's hard to say, in a way,
08:26because for a long time, he didn't want to be exclusive.
08:28This dog's got to run.
08:31Well, I guess we've been together about three months.
08:33We've been together five.
08:34That's two months more, 61 days.
08:361,464 hours.
08:3887,840 minutes.
08:41How could you?
08:42What?
08:43First you break up with me, and then you show up,
08:44you're with this tramp?
08:46He's not...
08:47Jake better show.
08:56I mean, look at these people.
08:57Who else could I possibly be friends with here?
08:59Crazy pet lady?
09:04No, sir.
09:06I do not care for the way her bird talks about our president.
09:09Yeah.
09:10Hey.
09:10Hey, I'm Howard, from apartment 12.
09:14Oh, hi.
09:15Joey, this is Gina.
09:16Hey, great.
09:17Nice to meet you.
09:18I'm actually new here in L.A.,
09:20and I find it kind of hard to meet people.
09:22Lots of tables for one for old Howie lately.
09:27So, I was pretty excited to get your invitation.
09:30I mean, I've seen you around the building,
09:31and I wanted to meet you,
09:32and here I am!
09:35Okay, all right.
09:37Enjoy yourself.
09:38Yeah.
09:38Okay.
09:41Wow, he seems a little desperate, huh?
09:43At least he didn't throw a party to make you his friend.
09:47Oh.
09:47Well, it's almost nine.
09:55There'll be a visible pass
09:56by the International Space Station soon.
09:58Molly and I share a passion for the night sky.
10:00Oh, how nice.
10:01Michael and I share a passion for sex in public.
10:06We'll be outside.
10:11Sex in public?
10:12Where'd that come from?
10:13I read about it in Cosmo.
10:1560% of us do it.
10:18Wait a minute.
10:19Did you see that plate of food
10:20Seth just brought for Molly
10:21with the chicken skewers and the mini hot dogs?
10:23I guess.
10:24Molly just told me she's a vegetarian.
10:26If they'd been together for five months,
10:27he would know that.
10:28You know, I noticed another weird thing.
10:29She didn't know about Seth's asthma.
10:31It sends him to the hospital like every other week.
10:33It doesn't seem like they know each other very well.
10:36Do you think she could be a fake girlfriend?
10:39Let's find out.
10:40Uh, hey, Molly.
10:42Ha, which one's better, Jedi or Empire?
10:45I don't know.
10:47She's fake.
10:47And then when Drake Ramore walks in
10:52and sees him in bed together,
10:54ah, that was an amazing scene.
10:57Well, interesting story about that scene.
10:58See, originally,
10:59Drake wasn't supposed to be in it at all,
11:01but then while looking for a bathroom,
11:03I accidentally walked onto the set.
11:04The rest is history.
11:06Well, Days of Our Lives
11:07has not been the same without you.
11:09Oh, you know, I got some old tapes.
11:10If you ever want to...
11:11Oh, Jake!
11:12Hey, what's going on?
11:16Hey!
11:16Yeah, I was just having a nice time
11:17with one of your guests here.
11:18Yeah, this is Jake.
11:20This is Jake?
11:21Rainbow Jake?
11:22Yeah.
11:23Well, whatever that means.
11:25I don't...
11:25So, you're a hairdresser.
11:28Would you do anything different with my hair?
11:30Let me see.
11:32Turn around for a sec.
11:33Great body.
11:35Really great body.
11:36Okay, enough, enough, Gina.
11:38Maybe, uh, maybe Jake would like a drink.
11:39Maybe you should get him one.
11:41Maybe you should get him one.
11:42Maybe you should get him one.
11:42I...
11:43You know what?
11:43I'll, uh, I'll get myself a drink.
11:45Can I get anything for the lady?
11:47So chivalrous.
11:48Yes, I'll have another Everclear and Gatorade.
11:54Why are you flirting with Jake?
11:56Well, I started talking to him
11:56before I knew who he was.
11:58He didn't tell me he was so cute.
11:59I'm sorry,
12:00but that's not something I noticed with guys.
12:02And yes, I did.
12:04I just finished talking to him
12:05and then he's all yours.
12:06No!
12:07Excuse me?
12:07Look, I don't want you talking to him.
12:09I told you how hard it is for me to meet people.
12:11Well, it's not easy for me either.
12:12Why can't we share him?
12:13Because that never works.
12:14Every time you get involved
12:15with one of my friends,
12:16you ruin it, okay?
12:17Either you break up with him
12:18and he doesn't want to be with me anymore,
12:20or he breaks up with you
12:21and you scare him away.
12:24That's why I had to quit
12:24the football team,
12:25the baseball team.
12:26I ended up having to do theater.
12:30Oh, so thanks.
12:32You were being ridiculous.
12:34Just back off.
12:34No, you back off.
12:35No, you back off.
12:37You know, I see why you have trouble
12:38meeting people.
12:38You got so much food in your teeth.
12:40Well, I was afraid Jake wasn't going to show.
12:41And when I get upset, I eat.
12:42Wow, we have so much in common.
12:44Get out of here.
12:45Look, Jake's going to be here
12:53any second with the drinks.
12:54Why don't we let him decide
12:55who he wants to be with?
12:56I'm so sure he's going to pick me.
12:57I'll give you a one-minute head start.
12:58Look, I don't need your charity, okay?
13:00Jake and I are going to be flaky.
13:01You just wasted 10 seconds.
13:03Only 40 seconds left.
13:06Hey, man.
13:07Nothing like a cold beer
13:08on a warm summer night, huh?
13:10This is apple juice.
13:11I'm an alcoholic.
13:12It's a disease.
13:16Uh, so, uh,
13:17what do you do for a living, Jake?
13:18I'm a market maker
13:19in the energy sector.
13:20Mostly do arbitrage.
13:22Oh, hey, my uncle's a garbage man.
13:24Yeah.
13:26Uh, uh, I'm an actor myself.
13:29Not really working right now,
13:30so that's not interesting.
13:31Uh, um, I love video games
13:32and Die Hard.
13:33Uh, I'm an excellent parallel parker.
13:34I once saw Mr. T in a restaurant.
13:37Hi.
13:38It's really hot in here.
13:40You want to go check out the patio?
13:42Catch you later.
13:45I knew it.
13:46What you do see is sexy.
13:50That's such typical Seth.
13:52He could have just come to the party alone,
13:54but instead he goes through all this trouble
13:55just to one-up me.
13:56Well, he's not going to get away with it.
13:58I'm a lawyer.
13:59I'll just pretend he's a defendant
14:00for a very, very geeky crime.
14:04Well, they're splitting up.
14:05Good. Divide and conquer.
14:06You take nerdling.
14:07Okay, good.
14:10So, tell me,
14:11uh, how exactly did you and Seth meet?
14:13Oh.
14:14At a Memorial Day party
14:16thrown by a mutual friend,
14:17it was a sunset cruise
14:19around Catalina Island.
14:22That's so romantic.
14:25And I had to go to San Francisco
14:26on business that night,
14:28so Seth offered to drive me to the airport.
14:30Then when I came back,
14:31he surprised me by picking me up, too.
14:33Aw.
14:34A couple of questions.
14:36Um, you say you went on a sunset cruise
14:38on Memorial Day?
14:40Um, yeah.
14:41And then you flew to San Francisco
14:43later that night?
14:44On business.
14:45So, just a few weeks
14:48before the summer solstice,
14:49when the sun sets well after 8 o'clock,
14:51your sunset cruise got back in time
14:53for you to catch a flight to San Francisco
14:54when, and correct me if I'm wrong,
14:56the last shuttle to SFO leaves at 9 p.m.
14:58Is that what you're saying?
15:01I
15:01don't remember.
15:05Now, I want to return to something else
15:07that you said about this alleged boat trip.
15:09I don't know if you noticed,
15:12but I've been working out.
15:13Oh, yeah.
15:14I've been working out, too.
15:16Oh, yeah?
15:17I'm bench-pressing 90 pounds.
15:20Can you bench-press your body weight?
15:25What do you think
15:26Molly and Alex are talking about?
15:28Oh, it's girl stuff.
15:30Then either it didn't happen that way
15:31or both you and Seth
15:32are in violation of the U.S. Fisheries Act of 1988.
15:37I have to go to the bathroom.
15:40The answers aren't in there, Miss Wintle!
15:54Hey, Gina.
15:55Sorry to interrupt,
15:55but I have to show you something.
15:57Armando Sante just walked in.
15:59Oh, my God.
16:00I love him.
16:00Where?
16:02He's not here.
16:03I just wanted to get you away from Jake
16:04so I could have some time to talk to him.
16:06You know, one day,
16:06Armando Sante will be here,
16:07and I won't go
16:08because you have fooled me so many times.
16:10Look, he's going to move soon, okay?
16:12Can't you just let me have five minutes?
16:13I already saw you give him your number.
16:15Yeah, and I put a little lipstick kiss on it
16:16to, uh, up what I like to call class factor.
16:20Okay, how about this?
16:21If you don't let me talk to him,
16:21I'm going to tell him some stuff about you.
16:23Good.
16:23I don't have any secrets.
16:24How old did you tell him you were?
16:26All right, five minutes.
16:26Yeah.
16:28Hey, Jake.
16:30Hey, thanks for the great party,
16:31I got to take off.
16:32No, really?
16:33Yeah, I got a basketball game in the morning.
16:35Say, I was wondering if the jaybird wants to come.
16:38Who?
16:39Well, that's me.
16:40Yeah.
16:41Sweet.
16:42So I'll, uh, swing by,
16:43pick you up around nine?
16:44Great.
16:44Uh, hey, Jake, what, uh,
16:48what was that you just threw out there?
16:50Oh, nothing, just the phone number
16:53of that girl I was talking to.
16:54I was hoping to get a little more
16:55than the phone number tonight,
16:56and she's got more self-esteem
16:58than that outfit would suggest.
17:00So you're not going to call her?
17:02No, she's fine for a slow night.
17:03Not exactly where to dinner and a movie, right?
17:05That's my sister, Jake.
17:08Oh.
17:09Man, I'm sorry.
17:11I don't know what to say.
17:12We still on for basketball?
17:15No, I think I'm going to play basketball
17:17with some guys who don't think
17:18my sister's trashing.
17:19Oh, well, good luck finding them.
17:20Yeah, tell me about it.
17:24Hey, uh, I think I came on
17:27a little too strong with Jake.
17:29I might have freaked him out.
17:30He's probably not going to call.
17:32I saw him for my number at Joey,
17:34but I like your story better.
17:38He just wanted a one-night stand, huh?
17:40No one-night stand.
17:42Don't even think about it.
17:45Are you okay?
17:47I mean, I know how much this meant to you.
17:48You went through all this trouble
17:49just to meet him.
17:50Oh, no, no, no.
17:51Hey, it's all right.
17:52It's all right.
17:53I just...
17:54I didn't think it would be this hard
17:55to meet people, you know?
17:57Hey, remember when you left home
17:59and you moved into Manhattan?
18:00You found people there?
18:01Yeah, but I was a kid then.
18:03It was easy, you know?
18:04I got to go through all that again now?
18:08Well, it'll happen.
18:11At least this time you got me.
18:12Well, I do have your number.
18:16Now, does underlining up late
18:18also help with the class fact?
18:19No?
18:23Molly has something she'd like to say.
18:26I don't want to do this anymore.
18:28I just want to go home.
18:31What do you mean?
18:32Seth, the game is up.
18:34We know she's not your girlfriend.
18:35Oh, my God.
18:36Seth, why?
18:38Why did you lie?
18:39So I could beat you for once, okay?
18:41What are you talking about?
18:42You're...
18:42Let's see, you got in
18:43a Caltech doctoral program.
18:44I got rejected.
18:45You got this killer apartment.
18:47I live at home
18:48and share a bathroom
18:49with my grandmother.
18:52I never win.
18:54That's how you feel about me?
18:59Look, okay.
19:00I have to tell you something.
19:02Alex isn't real.
19:08You built her?
19:09Yeah, boy!
19:10No!
19:13I mean, she's...
19:14She's not really my girlfriend.
19:16Okay?
19:17Yes.
19:17I asked her to pretend
19:18to be my date tonight
19:19to impress you
19:21because I...
19:22I feel like I never win.
19:26Wow.
19:26Makes you think.
19:28Yeah.
19:30So I...
19:30I guess we both
19:32kind of learned our lesson.
19:34I learned it first.
19:35Well, I learned it better.
19:36I kind of already knew it, actually.
19:37Yeah, and I'm the one that's...
19:38Geeks, geeks, geeks.
19:39We're done.
19:39He was the real reason
19:46I threw this party
19:47and he turns out
19:47to be a jerk, you know?
19:49All I wanted
19:50was someone
19:50to hang out with.
19:51Okay, we can try it.
20:03But I'm not making
20:04any promises.
20:05You will not regret this.
20:07Hey, Gina,
20:08on a trial basis,
20:10Howard here
20:11is going to be my friend, okay?
20:12Now, I don't want you
20:13hitting on him
20:13and ruining everything.
20:14Yeah, well,
20:15try to control myself.
20:16I am only a woman.
20:17Hey, it's a play game
20:21where you throw the trash
20:22in a bag
20:22but you use my body
20:23as a backboard.
20:31This just might work out.
20:38I don't know why you caved.
20:40We totally had them.
20:41Are you kidding me?
20:43They would have
20:43caught on eventually.
20:44Just, no one's gonna believe
20:46a girl like you
20:46would be going out
20:47with, you know, me.
20:49Oh, please.
20:50Will you stop
20:51selling yourself short
20:51like that?
20:52I'm not.
20:53I just know my limitations.
20:55Women, uh,
20:56they don't like me.
20:57Except lesbians who, uh,
20:58well, when I'm wearing
20:59my old glasses
21:00think I'm one of them.
21:03Let me tell you something.
21:05If there was
21:06a 20-year-old me out there,
21:07she would be lucky
21:08to have a guy like you.
21:10Thanks.
21:12If I could build
21:13an ultra-realistic
21:14girl robot,
21:15I'd want her to be
21:17just like you.
21:20Well, that's sweet.
21:21But I'd probably
21:22give her bigger...
21:23That's enough.
21:23Okay.
21:23Okay.
21:24I'll see you next time.
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