Whoopi: The Squatter😂part1/2

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00:00I'm taking care of it. I'm taking care of it. I'm taking care of it.

00:17Yes, coming, coming, coming.

00:20Open the door.

00:21I am.

00:22Oh, precious man, come in.

00:30You have woken up the entire building.

00:32Oh, have you brought my breakfast?

00:36No, I haven't brought your damn breakfast. It's 3 o'clock in the morning. I have to turn your TV off.

00:42Oh, I see you brought your charming husband.

00:45You know what? For the thousandth time, this is not my husband. We are not married.

00:51Yes, I know how it is with you people. I was at Lenny Bernstein's the other night, and he was explaining.

01:00See, she's off again.

01:01No, no, no, Mavis, she'll snap back.

01:03Lenny's very progressive, as I am. I've always been a friend of the colored people.

01:11Remember, Mavis, you must always know your place. Where's your uniform?

01:17I am not the maid. I own this hotel.

01:20Miss Trombor, might I prevail upon you to keep your TV volume down? It's disturbing the other occupants.

01:25Well, of course you may.

01:28Is something burning?

01:29Oh, my clothes are dry.

01:32What do you mean, your clothes are dry? You don't have a dryer.

01:34Well, of course I do. Right under the stove.

01:39Well, yeah.

01:40Are you crazy? You're gonna kill somebody. Why are you trying to burn down my hotel?

01:44Oh, which reminds me, could you run out and buy me a package of Chesterfield?

01:49I'll let you keep a nickel.

01:51Well, absolutely, Miss Diana. And then I was gonna get me a moon pie and a grape soda and then I was gonna put the rest in the bag.

02:01Well, that's a good idea.

02:03Well, finally I got the lycra from her girdle scraped off the oven.

02:22At least she's using her oven now. I caught her trying to cook a hot pocket with the iron.

02:29Well, I like Diana. I mean, she always says that I look like people I've never heard of.

02:34Who is this Peter Lorre?

02:36I don't know, but my guess is he sweats a lot.

02:41My guess is he would never use a spritz 409 instead of showering.

02:45Have you been working out?

02:49Upper body mainly.

02:51Mmm, mommy likes.

02:56Daddy knows.

03:01I'm telling you, she's trying to burn the damn hotel down.

03:04You better go to the dentist and get you some dental records,

03:06because that's all that's standing between you and an unmarked grave.

03:11Many of this, I've looked into it and there's nothing we can do.

03:13She's had her apartment here for quite some time.

03:15What do you mean quite some time?

03:16She's been here since before Jesus was born.

03:19She's paying the same rate she paid in 1963.

03:21Well, you knew that was part of the deal when you bought the hotel.

03:23Legally, she can stay here as long as she wants.

03:26Well, it's a problem for me, because I'm getting tired of people complaining about her nude sunbathing on the roof.

03:31In her defense, she thought she was on the Riviera with Ole Cassini.

03:38I don't care where she thought she was.

03:41She was on the roof with Nassim Cotton Jami buck naked smoking a cigar.

03:47And when I tell you it wasn't pretty, you got to take my word for it.

03:50Diana, thank God you're here.

03:59Jay Edgar Hoover has locked himself in my room again.

04:02He's prancing around in my underwear.

04:04He's a Nancy boy, you know.

04:06Diana, your room is upstairs.

04:09You know, the honeymoon couple inside just called down to say that your banging is interfering with their banging.

04:15I have to get back in. I'm drawing a bath.

04:20What are you talking...

04:25Hold this.

04:26I will.

04:27Mavis, why do you keep harassing me? If I don't call you back, there's a reason.

04:36You know what, Brynn? I know how busy you are, but you need to focus, child, okay?

04:41Because we need to discuss your grandmother.

04:43What did the old prune do this time?

04:46Well, for one thing, she asked me to sing Old Man River while mopping up a flood from her bathtub.

04:52You called me here to tell me that?

04:54Brynn, your grandmother's been slipping.

04:56Yeah, she's old. Old people slip.

04:59So do young people when they're pushed.

05:04Mavis, we had a social worker come out and we were...

05:07Oh, come on. It was from the Department of Old People.

05:10The Department of Protective Services for Adults.

05:12Whatever, whatever, whatever.

05:14Your grandmother's a problem.

05:15They looked at her, they talked to her, they said she gotta go away somewhere.

05:18Brynn, Protective Services found a place where your grandmother will be well taken care of.

05:23Then why don't you just send her?

05:25Because we can't just send her.

05:27Why not?

05:28Because, Rosemary's Baby, we need a signature...

05:34...from a family member.

05:36Well, okay, Kizzy, where am I supposed to get papers like this?

05:40Well, let's see.

05:48Department of Protective Services.

05:53Look who I found outside, all naked, shaking her naturals.

05:59You know, darling, if you took lessons in diction, you could pass for what?

06:07I am white.

06:09Try it again.

06:10Next time, as if your life depended on it.

06:14I am white.

06:16No use.

06:17Hi, Brynn.

06:19Hi, Graham.

06:20Well, Brynn, what are you doing here?

06:21Aw, Graham, do I need a reason to come visit you?

06:24Just one.

06:25Inheritance.

06:26You are outside wearing nothing?

06:29No.

06:30I have my pearls.

06:33I'm going to the theater tonight.

06:35I'm going to see you, Brynn, and the King and I.

06:37Oh, well, you better hurry up and get her dressed, because you know it starts in 1954.

06:41Listen, your grandmother's become a liability.

06:49She's scaring my guests, and she's making me a little nervous, too.

06:52I'm trying to run a hotel here.

06:54Okay, well, this is too much to read.

06:55It feels like homework.

06:58Let me be your tutor.

07:00If she keeps setting the place on fire, there could be lawsuits.

07:03So?

07:04Which would siphon off all of her assets.

07:06So?

07:07Which would deplete your inheritance, leaving you with nothing.

07:10Okay, bye-bye, Grandma.

07:11Listen, how much longer is the social worker going to be up there?

07:21You Americans and how you treat the elderly.

07:24Iranian families, old people, are never just shuttled off to some home.

07:27They just park themselves on the couch.

07:30And they are there.

07:32Forever.

07:34I don't want to speak to that furble-colored woman.

07:37Where exactly am I going?

07:41Someplace you'll make new friends and meet a lot of single men.

07:44I'm through with men.

07:46They're all homosexuals.

07:49I packed you some tea sandwiches, dear.

07:52When you're drawing up your will, remember who was good to you.

07:57I will, Anastasia, I will.

08:00And by the way, I'm not recommending this hotel to anyone.

08:05I'm going to erase the entire sordid affair from my memory.

08:10So am I!

08:17Excuse me, nurse.

08:18Uh-huh.

08:19We're here to see Diana Trumbor.

08:20Trumbor.

08:21I think she's one of them.

08:25Come on.

08:26This place has an odd smell, man.

08:28Smells like rose water and low tide.

08:32Hey, Diana.

08:33Hello, madam.

08:34We bought the rest of your stuff.

08:35How's it going?

08:37Drop them dead, you odious hobbit.

08:40She sent me here to die.

08:43Don't you worry, my darling.

08:45Once we're married, we'll buy ourselves a glorious apartment.

08:49We'll take a fabulous European vacation.

08:52Then we'll make extravagant love.

08:54Who the hell are you?

09:00I'm Andrew.

09:01I'm her boyfriend.

09:03Oh, that's very nice.

09:04How long have you two been together?

09:06We met this afternoon.

09:07He's a financial planner, you know.

09:09Oh, is he?

09:10Yeah.

09:11Well, what exactly are we advising today, Andrew?

09:15Are we advising about insurance?

09:17Are we advising about her jewels?

09:19Or is it all about the booty?

09:22I'm tired of this conversation.

09:24I'm sorry.

09:25She's had no rest.

09:26She's been bickering with her room.

09:27She's supposed to have a private room.

09:29As if she could afford a private room.

09:31All she has is Social Security and Medicare.

09:33What?

09:34You mean, you are not rich?

09:36But you are so, so fancy.

09:39It's called good breeding.

09:42She's not rich.

09:44Apparently not.

09:45But what do you care?

09:46Because it's all about the booty for you.

09:49Pardon me.

09:52Shirley, darling.

09:54I see you're off the oxygen today.

10:02Listen, can I do anything for you?

10:03Are you gonna get you anything?

10:04Well, my mouth is dry.

10:06I'd love something to drink.

10:07Okay.

10:08Nurse.

10:12I think he just told us,

10:13Oh, look.

10:14Excuse me, nurse.

10:16Nurse.

10:18Nurse!

10:21Get the lady something to drink.

10:22She thirsty.

10:23She gets her drink at 2.30.

10:26I said get her something to drink.

10:28Look, it's only 15 minutes.

10:29I swear to God, I will slap you back to the Philippines.

10:32Get that girl from the drink.

10:36Wrong with you.

10:41I don't want this.

10:43I want single malt scotch.

10:45Once I was sipping cocktails with young Jack Kennedy.

10:48She goes with the stories.

10:49Hey!

10:50If she says she was sipping cocktails with a Kennedy,

10:52she was sipping cocktails with a Kennedy child.

10:54I'm sorry.

10:55I'm sorry.

10:56I'm sorry.

10:58I'm sorry.

10:59I'm sorry.

11:00I'm sorry.

11:01I'm sorry.

11:02I'm sorry.

11:03I'm sorry.

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