- 2 days ago
Episode 5 sees Jeremy in the line of fire — literally — as he drives the Porsche Boxster S and Mercedes SLK around a deserted village while under sniper challenge. Elsewhere, Richard tests out the Maserati GranSport. Guest Star Justin Hawkins features in Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. High tension, exotic metal, and adrenaline-fueled reviews.
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Top Gear Season 6 Episode 5, Top Gear S06E05 full episode, Sniper challenge Top Gear, Porsche Boxster S review, Mercedes SLK test, Maserati GranSport feature, Justin Hawkins Top Gear, Deserted village test, adrenaline car episodes
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Top Gear Season 6 Episode 5, Top Gear S06E05 full episode, Sniper challenge Top Gear, Porsche Boxster S review, Mercedes SLK test, Maserati GranSport feature, Justin Hawkins Top Gear, Deserted village test, adrenaline car episodes
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, a Formula One world champion is the star in our reasonably priced car, the Jaguar E-Type and the Aston Martin DB5, and the British Army shoots me in the face.
00:16Hello and welcome. Now, we're starting tonight with a trendy new lifestyle vehicle. So, obviously, the job of testing it had to be given to our trendiest, most lifestyly presenter. That'd be James May.
00:39This is a new Nissan, and it's called the Murano.
00:46It's a 4x4. And if you're wondering why it's so bold and glitzy, well, it's because it's from America.
00:57Now, we could have explored its off-road limits in the hills of Scotland, but we thought the best place to test it is actually here, on tarmac, in the wilds of Hertfordshire.
01:09You see, Hertfordshire is celebrity country, sort of heat magazine territory.
01:16An amazing 95% of the world's electric gate production ends up in Hertfordshire.
01:25The Beckhams have got a place round here. So has Jade Goody, Kim Marsh, half the EastEnders mob, and one of those blokes from Blue.
01:35And we reckon the Murano would fit in rather well.
01:38Let's start with the looks. That grill may be a tad bling, and the paint job may glow like the skin of a Palm Springs golfer, but that's OK, because the locals like plenty of garnish on their possessions.
01:54Look at those pillars. Genuine ancient Greek.
02:01There's something else that's important to the residents around here. A sense of exclusivity.
02:09And as Nissan say they're only going to import 1,000 of these, that means the paparazzi will never get you mixed up with, I don't know, the plumber.
02:18Now, the Murano may call itself a 4x4, but it's not exactly game on for African expeditions.
02:24There's none of that Land Rover levers and buttons nonsense.
02:33In fact, most of the time, it's two-wheel drive, with power only going to all four when the front wheels start to lose grip.
02:40But actually, that doesn't matter, because around here, all the countryside features have been nicely organised for you.
02:47So, without doubt, there's plenty of style going on here. But underneath it all, has the Murano got any substance? Well, actually, it has.
03:02This, for example, is a big, nicely proportioned and very flat load bay.
03:08There's really pretty good rear legroom, and because it was designed in America, the seats are big enough for your burger-munching, supersized Californians.
03:18And that's only the start of it, because this car is also pretty good value for money.
03:25For £30,000, you get a 3.5-litre V6 that does 0-60 in under 9 seconds, with a really clever automatic gearbox.
03:35Then, behind that privacy glass, you'll find a sunroof, a top-notch stereo with CD stacker, climate control, leather upholstery and a sat-nav system.
03:55And it's not just any old sat-nav, that's Birdview sat-nav.
04:01Which, I have to say, is absolutely fabulous. Makes you feel like a fighter pilot.
04:08And that screen has another use, which is the reversing camera. There you go.
04:15Which means, on a mini roundabout, you won't drive into the small person's hatchback that's behind you.
04:20And when you're at home, it means you won't reverse into the neoclassical pillars holding your hair sub.
04:32And the other good thing is that all this kit, the leather, the aircon, the sat-nav, it all comes as standard.
04:38There's just one trim level and one price.
04:43So Jade Goody doesn't have to think.
04:47Now, the Murano may be loud and brash on the outside, but inside, you'll find it's a sheep in wolf's clothing.
04:53This is actually a really nice car to drive around in.
04:58It's got a good engine. It's got a very nice smooth gearbox.
05:02The ride is surprisingly good for this sort of car.
05:05And it's fabulously quiet.
05:08It's actually, well, everything I approve of in a car, really.
05:12What we have here, then, is a surprise.
05:23At first glance, the Murano looks about as deep and sincere as an American air hostess's smile.
05:29But strip away the make-up, and underneath, there's a good car for all people,
05:34whether you're a celebrity or a square.
05:36I am rather surprised by that film, because your idea of the perfect night out is down in your shed,
05:45mending an old motorbike.
05:47So how come you like this car?
05:49Well, because I don't like the look of it, I have to say.
05:52I don't like the chrome teeth type of arrangement.
05:54Well, no, it's kind of Jules from Bond, isn't it?
05:56Yeah, exactly.
05:58There's that whole thing going on.
05:59But I am with you.
06:00To drive, it's terrific.
06:01It's amazing, isn't it?
06:02Comfortable, and it's so quiet.
06:03I thought it was going to be the most stupid car in the known universe when I got into it,
06:07and I thought it was great.
06:08I could wax lyrical about it all day, in fact, but we must move on and do the news.
06:13Yes, it is.
06:14Now, we all know it's a very expensive business, designing a new car.
06:17It costs millions and millions of pounds.
06:18Now, Porsche has set the trend for not bothering with the styling each time.
06:23No, I mean the new 911.
06:24Same as the old 911.
06:25Yeah.
06:26New Boxster, we're looking at it later in the show.
06:27Exactly the same as the old one.
06:28Exactly.
06:29Now, Mitsubishi have gone one step further by not bothering with the entire car.
06:34Have a look at this.
06:35It's the new Mitsubishi Evo 9.
06:37Which looks pretty much exactly the same as the Evo 8.
06:40Yes, well, it is.
06:41Engine?
06:42The same.
06:43Suspension?
06:44Pretty much the same.
06:45Price?
06:46That's the same.
06:47£28,000 it starts from.
06:48It is, in fact, exactly the same car.
06:50What we've done here, it's very clever, is cross out 8 and write on 9.
06:56That's pretty much it.
06:57That's genius.
06:58It's fantastic thinking.
06:59You know what Lamborghini have done?
07:01They've announced they're going to make a convertible version of the Gallardo.
07:05OK?
07:06We've got a picture of it here.
07:07Check it out.
07:08Cool.
07:09What I love about this most of all, though, is you see this little groove thing here?
07:12That's the rear view mirror.
07:14Now, the reason it folds away, OK, is because, according to a man from Lamborghini,
07:19we're basically saying that most of the time you don't have to watch what's behind you
07:23because you're faster than anything else out there.
07:25Hey!
07:26That is very Italian.
07:27I like that.
07:28It is very Italian.
07:29And because of that, I suspect that the rear view mirror, when it does come up,
07:32is like a full length mirror.
07:33Yes.
07:34Oh, yeah.
07:35I'm looking good.
07:36Oh, yeah.
07:37While there's light bulbs all the way around.
07:38Yeah, exactly.
07:39Because, of course, looking good is more important in Italy than looking where you're going.
07:41All where you've been, for that matter.
07:42Absolutely.
07:43Right.
07:44Your mobile phone.
07:45OK.
07:46Now, you're not allowed to use this when you're driving, because that's illegal now,
07:49so you have to have a hands-free kit.
07:51Yes.
07:52And the problem then is...
07:53Hello?
07:54There you go.
07:55Yeah, they don't work.
07:56They're rubbish.
07:57They are rubbish.
07:58Hands-free kits are rubbish.
07:59Ah.
08:00Not this one.
08:04This is called the fo-bile, OK?
08:08And the brilliant thing is, it's got an attachment on it, you stick it straight in your mobile phone.
08:12And break it.
08:13Like that.
08:14And then...
08:15Is that real?
08:16Yeah.
08:17It works.
08:18What?
08:19Whitehall 1212, please.
08:20Technically, you are hands-free then.
08:21Completely.
08:22So you can buy those then?
08:23Yeah, they're at mail order, 33 quid.
08:24You get a red one, you get straight through to Fighter Command HQ and scramble some spitfire.
08:29Hey, now, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
08:30Did you know 80% of Ford Focusers sold in Sweden run on alcohol?
08:37Didn't know that, no.
08:38No, it is.
08:39It's not like, it's not Bacardi Breezers.
08:40It's made from sugar and wood, apparently.
08:41That's the act where I live, in Gloucestershire.
08:42We would drink that.
08:43That's a cocktail.
08:44Well, you know, one of them wood and sugar cocktails, are you well?
08:45That's nice.
08:46Anyway, the point is, is that they're planning on introducing this fuel here.
08:47Yeah, they are, but there's a problem that I've seen.
08:48What?
08:49Because they're going to sell it from normal petrol stations, but they're going to distribute
09:04it, or you're going to put it in your car through something called an alco pump.
09:09Which essentially means that when you get on the petrol station in the evening, it'll
09:14be full of teenagers in hoods.
09:15Yes.
09:16Can't I serve in the town, let's go down the filling station and fill up on wood and,
09:21what is it, sugar?
09:22Right.
09:23We've got to mention the Top Gear survey.
09:24Oh, yes, that's important.
09:25It is very important.
09:26Because the thing is, is that we can test cars on the show and we can tell you how fast
09:30they are and how big the boot is and so on, but only you can tell us what they're like
09:33to actually own in terms of reliability.
09:36What?
09:37That's just recent experiences, that's all.
09:39Oh, stop it.
09:40I can tell you what it's like to own a Ford GT, but sadly that's not true.
09:44Sadly, that's not in the survey, is it?
09:47Because it's...
09:48No, it's got to be between 2002 on an O2 plate and 2004 on a 53 plate.
09:54And it's dead easy.
09:55If you have one of those, what do you do?
09:56Well, you log on, you know, bbc.co.uk forward stroke Top Gear and you just click a load of
10:01buttons.
10:02Oh, crikey.
10:03Now, here's a question for you.
10:05Question for the audience.
10:06Which is the only country that can make proper luxury cars?
10:11America!
10:12America?
10:13Who said America?
10:14What?
10:15No, the answer is James.
10:17The answer is France.
10:19It is.
10:20And to prove it, we've got the latest French luxury car right here in the studio.
10:25This is the new Citroen C6.
10:28Now, this is going to be on sale here from the beginning of next year.
10:32Prices starting from around £30,000.
10:34And there's a choice of engines, a 2.7 litre diesel or a nice 3 litre V6 petrol.
10:41Now, there is a tradition that big luxury French cars are always loaded with clever technology.
10:45This is no exception.
10:46It's got the latest generation of their computer-controlled hydropneumatic suspension.
10:50Inside, it's got diffused air conditioning and a head-up display.
10:54All very clever stuff.
10:55But most importantly, well, just look at it.
10:58I mean, mon dieu.
11:00I mean, zout, allure and sac a bleu.
11:04It is actually, seriously, this is a fantastic looking car.
11:07It's contemporary.
11:08It's really classy.
11:09Look at this curve in the window.
11:11That is so lovely.
11:12I have to say, the French really are very, very good at this sort of thing.
11:16They say more to sporty, firm suspension and extreme performance.
11:21And instead, they give us this more sort of considered philosophical approach to luxury.
11:26I really, really approve of that car.
11:29Watch it flop.
11:32Now, the cool wall.
11:34And there's a peculiarity on it, OK?
11:36Because most of the world's kind of expensive, exotic cars, like the Bugatti, Porsche, Ford,
11:42Koenigsegg, Viper, are all grouped down here toward the seriously uncool end of things.
11:48And that's because cars like this tend to be kind of, I don't know, ostentatious, which makes them vulgar and disgusting.
11:55However, I think I've found a couple of exotic, expensive cars, which managed to make the Queen look nouveau riche.
12:03What we have here is an E-Type Jaguar and an Aston Martin DB5.
12:13Both are from the early 60s and both back then were the GT cars for the burgeoning G&T generation.
12:20Now, though, they're even better.
12:24They've become passports to a world's who-cool.
12:27The people there burn Guardian furniture supplements just to keep warm.
12:32Naturally, you're going to want one.
12:42But there are going to be some problems with that.
12:44Chief among which is the amount of money that cars like this cost these days.
12:51This Series 1 E-Type, for instance, is not the most sought-after model.
13:01But even so, a good one will set you back £50,000.
13:10Then there's the DB5.
13:12This is much rarer than the E-Type.
13:15They only made £1,000 and, as a result, a good one will cost around £120,000.
13:24And what do you get for this huge amount of money?
13:28Well, you get a car from a time when men were in black and white
13:32and there was no such thing as fern cotton.
13:40What you get is a car that's 40 years old.
13:45A car that predates the invention of the front-loading washing machine.
13:50And it's the same story with the jig.
13:55The early models came with a flat floor,
13:58so there was no space whatsoever for a driver.
14:03And this actually didn't really matter,
14:05because no driver in the world could actually manage the Moss gearbox,
14:09which was from the 1940s.
14:11Changing gear with it was a bit like, um, stirring coal.
14:19So, what about the handling?
14:21Well, that'd probably kill you.
14:23But luckily, most E-Types overheated long before they ever actually got to a corner.
14:30Whoa! God!
14:31Still, you're thinking, at least they'll be fast.
14:41Well, they're certainly not weighed down with airbags,
14:44inertial seatbelts, or anti-lock brakes, or indeed any safety equipment whatsoever.
14:49And there's no catalytic converters either,
14:52because their engines were designed not to save the planet,
14:55just to get round it as quickly as possible.
14:59So, to find out how fast they are by today's standards,
15:02let's compare them to a brand-new 2.4-litre Honda Accord.
15:08How can this be?
15:25How can I be losing to a Honda?
15:27No!
15:38It seems like a strange result.
15:40I mean, when Jaguar launched the E-Type, they said it would do 150 miles an hour.
15:45So, how could it lose to a Japanese box?
15:51Well, let me explain.
15:53They were lying!
15:56It would barely do 140, and Aston Martin were just as guilty.
16:01They said the DB5 Vantage would produce 325 brake horsepower.
16:09But it wouldn't!
16:10You got 280, tops!
16:12In reality, this car would barely have been able to keep up with Goldfinger's golden rolls.
16:25So, the 60s styling can move you.
16:29But the 60s engineering can't.
16:33And speaking of which, I've just seen the temperature gauge, which is...
16:39hot.
16:43This car, for instance, hugely mollycoddled.
16:47Lives on a bed of peacock feathers.
16:49But even so, it's got a sticking rear brake.
16:52And all the water that you see here on the floor,
16:55a few moments ago it was all in there and it's come out.
16:58See the joys of classic car motoring.
17:00So, these cars are ferociously expensive to buy, not very nice to drive, unsafe and slow.
17:11And, on top of all that, they'll almost certainly break down every time there's a week in the month.
17:20You might imagine, then, that the price of all this coolness is too high.
17:31But, no.
17:33You see, these days there are companies that can modernise cars like this without changing the look.
17:38Think of the operation as automotive botox.
17:42Nippy handling, thanks to nip-tuck engineering.
17:49This e-tuck, for instance, appears to be completely standard.
17:54But it isn't.
17:55If you get in close, you'll spot the big modern brakes.
17:59The modern tyres and, round the back, the modern suspension.
18:02So, it should stop and handle like a modern car.
18:06And, if we lift up the bonnet, behold the magnificence.
18:12And behold also the cooling system that can actually cool the engine.
18:17And the electrics that don't need to be hit with a hammer before they'll work.
18:25I have to say, this is the nicest e-type I've ever driven.
18:34It's crisp, the gearbox is good, the brakes work.
18:39Turning sharp.
18:41Lots of grip.
18:44And when it runs out, lots of fun.
18:47There are Aston Martin specialists that can do the same sort of thing with your DB5.
18:56They can enlarge the engine, for instance, so your car goes like Aston Civic would.
19:02And that's just the start.
19:04Inside, you can have pretty much whatever you want.
19:11I mean, this grille, behind which 007 had his tracking device, you can have a sat-nav there.
19:18And you can even have air conditioning, so you can be as cool as you look.
19:22The trouble is, all this work isn't cheap.
19:28I mean, the e-type we've been looking at today, that's currently on the market for £90,000.
19:33And you can spend a lot more than that.
19:35And if you want to work over DB5, that will be £200,000.
19:53Who cares, though? Because think what you're getting.
19:5621st century engineering, with 60s styling.
20:07That's a pretty unbeatable combination.
20:15Oh, yes.
20:19But this does raise a good question.
20:21Because could we really recommend that someone buys one of these instead of, I don't know, a modern Ferrari or a modern DB9?
20:28Well, you do have to sacrifice a lot.
20:30Yes, you do. I mean, comfort, speed.
20:32Reliability.
20:33Yeah, you sacrifice a lot.
20:35But look what you're sacrificing it for.
20:36I mean, they are achingly beautiful things.
20:39They really are.
20:40And the lovely thing, if you drive around in this e-type, nobody is going to think you're a footballer.
20:45I mean, they're just...
20:47What are you looking at?
20:48Sometimes you inadvertently catch a glimpse up a lady's skirt.
20:51Well, if you look through these slats on the bonnet, you can...
20:54Look, there's the manifold!
20:55That's filth!
20:56That's filth in there!
20:58Oh, yes.
21:00It's a bit mesmerized.
21:01The thing is, though, we now have to find out which is the fastest round our track.
21:06We know they're slower than a hundred chord in a straight line, but going round the corners as well.
21:10That means, of course, we've got to hand them over to our tame racing driver.
21:13Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells.
21:20We know only that he's called the Stig.
21:25Okay, away he goes.
21:26Now, this Aston is completely original.
21:28The brakes, tyre, suspension, engine, they're all as they were when it was built by men in a shed, so this could be interesting.
21:34Already it's rolling like a performance dog.
21:39Brog rock stick.
21:40Back to focus this week.
21:41House of the King.
21:46Okay, right, comes through Chicago.
21:49Good Lord, that's messy.
21:51Overstair roll.
21:52Whole pallet of vintage behaviour here.
21:55So what's it going to be like in the hammerhead?
21:58Look, there's everything, everything going on.
22:00And certainly not fast.
22:01Whole call, wishing there was pottering through Monte Carlo in 65.
22:06Follow through.
22:07Sounded good.
22:08Don't think the Stig's going to lift off.
22:09No, he hasn't.
22:11He did. I think the car would climb to a halt.
22:14Penultimate corner.
22:16Looking, well, slow, actually, frankly.
22:18And the last corner, Gambon.
22:20And eventually, across the line.
22:22And we have a new record on the Top Gear track.
22:27The slowest car ever.
22:31Oh yeah.
22:331.46.
22:38That's disappointing, really.
22:40That's what you call progress, really.
22:42Slower than a Range Rover.
22:43But there we are.
22:44We must now find out how fast the tweaked E-Type goes.
22:50And he's off again.
22:51Now this car has modern brakes, modern tyres, and up-rated suspension.
22:54So hopefully it'll be rather more lively than the Aston.
22:57Let's find out first corner.
22:59Looking especially fast, but at least body roll isn't on a par with that of a dot.
23:03Here we go, into Chicago.
23:05Oh, that is much better.
23:07The cornering's neat and flat.
23:09Oh, that's... and Stig looking good.
23:10Right, Hammerhead tyres squealing on the way in, but it's still sort of keeping its composure.
23:16Those updated bits have clearly worked well.
23:19Follow through.
23:22Sounding good and looking gorgeous.
23:24If you hear a funny noise at this point, it's Richard Hammond having a trouser accident.
23:29Coming up to... there's Gambon and across the line.
23:33I've got the time here, and it was 1 minute 32.8.
23:37Hey, that's not bad.
23:38That's not bad.
23:41That...
23:43Look at this.
23:47As near as makes no difference, exactly the same time as a V6-engined Audi TT.
23:52Yeah, and we say the TT is a beautiful car.
23:54Look at that.
23:55I know, unbelievable.
23:57Anyway, we must now move on.
24:00A lot of people say that the Stig, who we've just seen, is Damon Hill.
24:05Well, let's ask him.
24:06Ladies and gentlemen, Damon Hill is here!
24:08How are you?
24:09Have a seat.
24:10Will Sandlin!
24:11That is a big welcome.
24:13That's a fantastic welcome.
24:14Thank you very much.
24:15And, obviously, I've got to start with a big question.
24:16Are you the Stig?
24:17Well, I'm glad you asked me that, Jeremy, because I get asked that all the time, and I keep saying, no, I'm not the Stig, but they won't believe me, so I'm going to get a T-shirt.
24:30Okay, prove it.
24:31Well, I think I'd have to be standing next to the Stig or something like that to prove that I wasn't the Stig, so if we had the Stig next to me, perhaps that would be proof once and for all.
24:49But, you see, we can't do that.
24:52No, I thought you were not.
24:53Breathe on me.
24:54Breathe on you.
24:55Yeah.
24:56Magnesium.
24:57Formula One.
25:00Yeah.
25:01American Grand Prix.
25:03What?
25:04Yes.
25:05In the name of all that's holy was that about?
25:08Um, it's outrageous.
25:09I mean, you know, six cars on the grid.
25:11It was a very sad day and a complete fiasco.
25:15Frank Williams was quoted as saying, you know, the atmosphere stinks in Formula One at the moment.
25:20Well, I mean, it's been pretty smelly for quite a long time.
25:23This is because the teams want to move away, isn't it, and form their own series and then Bernie Eccleston doesn't want them to and Ferrari want to stay and the others want to go.
25:30Yeah, there's a lot of factions and there's a lot of politics that are involved.
25:33So if something like this happens, there's a problem with the tyre, suddenly there's an opportunity for certain people to make political capital of it.
25:40And I think, unfortunately, that the fans, the people who actually pay for these guys to go and enjoy themselves racing, are left standing in the grandstands not seeing what they're paying for.
25:52Yeah.
25:53Never mind the grandstands, how many people, 200 million people worldwide.
25:56It strikes me that Bernie used to be this big power, he was completely in charge and he's lost his power now, hasn't he?
26:02Because in the past, he would have just put all the team managers in the back of a van and broken their legs.
26:06Um, yeah.
26:07On the grid.
26:08It was all very simple in the old days, wasn't it?
26:10But even when you were racing, he'd get things done, wouldn't he?
26:13Well, I can remember sitting on the grid for some races and Bernie would come down and there'd be about that much water and a torrential downpour and we'd all be saying,
26:20oh, it's a bit dangerous, and he'd say, you're driving, you're driving, you're driving, and we did.
26:25Yeah, well, that's how it should be, you need a dictator, you need me, really.
26:29I've got some great ideas for Formula One, to be honest.
26:32We'd like to hear them.
26:33Well, no, because if, I've always said, if you pay the drivers a living wage, 20 grand a year, okay, they could live on that.
26:40And then give them a million every time they overtake someone.
26:43Then watch them say the aerodynamics.
26:45Well, it was called Grand Prix for that very reason.
26:48I mean, the original idea was it was a big prize you went racing for, and then somehow it got sort of confused,
26:53and nobody knows what you were now for winning a Grand Prix.
26:56Oh, God, I don't know what to do with it.
26:58Anyway, listen, you, okay, you're running a wedding car business these days.
27:03It's not a wedding car business, no, not quite.
27:05It's a car club, which, I mean, you've had all the cars on this show.
27:11The top cars, Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Aston Martins, all of those top performances.
27:17And you join, basically, it's a club which you call P1, which people pay a membership, yearly membership,
27:23and they can use all the cars as much as they like, almost.
27:25So then you can drive a car, you can just ring up and say, I fancy a Ferrari this weekend or a Lambo.
27:29Yeah.
27:30And yet you drive an Audi A3.
27:32Yeah.
27:33Well, it's a practical car.
27:35It's, it's, yeah, whatever.
27:38No, you see, I'm always fascinated by this, because I once went to interview a fighter pilot bloke I had met down in Voscombe Downey,
27:45a trainer, bloke who trained fighter pilots, he had a beige Volvo.
27:49Yeah.
27:50Why do you all, when you've lived at 300 miles an hour, drive rubbish?
27:54Um, because we've lived at 300 miles an hour.
27:57So, no, you don't need the actual, what you just want is something practical that gets you around.
28:01You don't need the thrill, if you like, of driving, you've had that.
28:04What, so you just pootle around now in your Audi?
28:06Well, I don't exactly pootle, but, you know, there's too many people driving very wide Ford GTs and left-hand drivers.
28:15The slowest man, I'm not driving Ford GTs, because it's, again, back with Ford.
28:20But, don't you miss the excitement of going a million?
28:24Well, there's a corollary to that.
28:26There's the, you know, the imminent accident that you can experience.
28:30And I've had enough of that, really.
28:32I, you know, I'd race up to the age of 39.
28:35And I think, biologically, we kind of get to the point where we, sort of, a little voice in the back of the head says,
28:41you know, you could make it to 60 if you really took care of yourself, if you like it, you know.
28:46I must confess, it's why I don't do the fighter jet stuff anymore.
28:48And I just look at the kids and think, why do I want to go upside down now?
28:51Well, I had enough of it. I don't need it anymore.
28:53No, I don't sympathise with you.
28:54Yes.
28:55OK, right, we've got to talk now about your lap.
28:59Aha, yes.
29:02It wasn't exactly my neatest lap I've ever done in my life, but it's quite difficult in one of those cars.
29:07I'm not complaining about the equipment, Jeremy.
29:09Of course not, that would be, that would be poor form.
29:12When was the last time you drove competitively?
29:16Um, I think, well, when I was in Formula One.
29:19Well, who'd like to see how he got on then?
29:21It is basically his comeback.
29:24Play the tank.
29:28That's a rubbish start.
29:30Oh, come on.
29:31He's obviously a lot slower than a Formula One car, but...
29:34I'm still feeling a little bit of the old adrenaline here.
29:39That's a new line in there.
29:41The Stig actually told me I was doing it all wrong there.
29:44Well, I suspect that looks quite quick.
29:47I was almost like, I've forgotten how to do this.
29:52Now, is that...
29:53That was not bad.
29:54No, that was really very good.
29:56Right up to the edge.
29:59It's the Hammerhead!
30:00Ooh!
30:05Bit warm-believer.
30:07I just went over the line.
30:08I just killed the bug.
30:11I'm not even going to ask you if you lifted off for this one,
30:14because there's no way.
30:16That one's flat.
30:17Yeah, next bit's flat.
30:18Quite easily flat, that one.
30:20Here you go, second to last corner.
30:22Catches most people out.
30:23Ooh, you're on the grass!
30:24Like most people.
30:25And then...
30:27Across the line!
30:40So, where do you think you've come here, then?
30:43Um...
30:44I dread to think, actually.
30:46It's going to be a bit of a shock.
30:47Come on, tell me.
30:48He actually said his voice,
30:50Well, if I'm not at the top, I'm going to be suicidal.
30:55You did it.
30:57D. Hill.
30:58One minute.
30:5950.3 seconds.
31:02Oh...
31:07He actually believed me!
31:09He fell for it!
31:11Oh, I love that so much!
31:17You actually did it in one minute.
31:2146.3 seconds, ladies and gentlemen!
31:25Fast and stand up!
31:27Fast and stand up!
31:30Right up.
31:31Jimmy Carr.
31:32Simon Cowell.
31:34Jodie Cooke.
31:36Mario Stallings.
31:38Blown away.
31:39I really ought to, though, wouldn't I really, I mean.
31:42Yeah, but this, I have to ask you, do you just find it incredibly easy?
31:46Because you were chatting around there, not even...
31:48Um, yeah, I think it's quite easy in one of those Suzukis, to, uh, there's quite a lot of time to think.
31:55But that's the funny thing, is because I always thought, well, I've started to think,
31:58well, no one will really ever go faster than, you know, Jimmy Carr, it's as fast as the car will go.
32:04Now we know it isn't.
32:05The thing is, though, I'm not going to put you on that board.
32:09No, I thought not.
32:11Um, we anticipated you might be the fastest man ever to come here,
32:14so we've had an entirely new board made up, which is for Formula One drivers.
32:20Here it is, okay?
32:22And you are going at the top of that.
32:27There we are.
32:35I think this could be a brilliant idea, because now that Formula One racing, well, doesn't really happen anymore,
32:41if the drivers, you know, feel the need to come and have a go on a track,
32:45they can land their jets here.
32:46We have no ad brakes.
32:48Yeah.
32:48They don't have to wear a hat.
32:49They don't have to say for music, Carl was perfect in a press conference afterwards.
32:53And do you know the best thing?
32:54We checked it this morning.
32:55It's true.
32:56The Suzuki runs on Bridgestones.
32:58So there you are.
33:01You're at the top of that.
33:02And if any more F1 drivers out there who want to give it a go, you're more than welcome.
33:07Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, Damon Hill!
33:19Now, I've got two words, two words for you, okay?
33:25Maserati, coupe.
33:26Together, they sound fantastic.
33:30Unfortunately, the reality is never quite measured up.
33:36We last tested the Maserati coupe three years ago, and we didn't much care for it.
33:42We didn't like the psychotic handling, or the looks, or the interior.
33:49Most of all, we didn't like the flappy paddle gear marks.
33:52Great gearboxes, these.
33:53In fact, the only thing we did like was the engine.
34:03That's not exactly a long list of plus points.
34:07Still, if Maserati's given it another go, so should we.
34:10This is the new one.
34:14It's called the Grand Sport, and straight away you can tell that this is more hardcore.
34:19It's got a bigger, meaner grille that should stack up a spectacular flykill.
34:28These side skirts are like surfboards.
34:33And then each corner, huge 19-inch wheel.
34:37The volume really is nudging up towards 11.
34:39You get more power, too.
34:52An extra 10bhp from the 4.2-litre V8, which brings it up to a nice, meaty 396.
34:59So 0-60, 4.8 seconds.
35:01Top speed, an enormous 180 miles an hour.
35:05All of which is, frankly, worrying.
35:10Because from past experience, the last thing this car needed was more power.
35:17Quite frankly, it was already a bit of a wild and unruly beast with what it already had.
35:25But you know what?
35:25Today, now, in this Grand Sport,
35:28I think they've cracked it.
35:38The whole car has been lowered.
35:40The suspension's been stiffened.
35:42All the computer software that controls the chassis has been modified and improved.
35:46And I can tell you all of those facts.
35:51But what's hard to describe is just how different,
35:54just how much better this one-time mongrel now feels.
35:58It's grown up.
36:04It all comes together and works.
36:06It feels confident, planted, sure-footed.
36:09I know I can use all that power, even the extra power of it.
36:14There's a button down here marked Sport.
36:16Press it, which you will, and wonderful things happen.
36:23The suspension is stiffened up.
36:24And there's a little flap in the exhaust that opens.
36:31So the noise, well, what is that?
36:40That is Sporting.
36:42Maserati has also had a crack at improving the interior.
36:55The new seats are fantastic, and there's carbon fiber on the center console,
36:59the dash, and this weird-shaped steering wheel that gives you a clear view of the clocks.
37:03The only really odd thing is this material.
37:07It's a sort of space-age tweed, and I just don't see the point of it.
37:12Not unless James May becomes an astronaut.
37:14This Maserati is starting to look like the car it should always have been.
37:25And there's something else.
37:27The badge is now cool.
37:31Bonner has bought the Quattroporte.
37:34Jamie Oliver, savior of schoolchildren.
37:36He's a Maserati man.
37:40This car costs £66,000, or the same price as a Porsche Carrera S.
37:46And in the past, I'd have said no contest.
37:48Buy the Porsche.
37:50Now, though, the Maserati is a real contender.
37:54But there is one issue still to settle.
37:57The Flappy Paddle Gearbox.
38:02This was the Achilles heel of the old car.
38:05It was as sluggish and jerky as going to work on a camel.
38:11Thing is, though, it's all controlled by computer software,
38:15and blokes with lots of pens in their top pocket have been fiddling with it.
38:19So, have their changes worked?
38:21To find out, I've come to the Verano de Meligari circuit.
38:27They test Maseratis here.
38:29And it's somewhere that allows me free reign to really give the grand sport a spanking.
38:37This place is thick with second and third gear corners.
38:42That'll show us whether you really can teach some old cogs new tricks.
38:47And just to spice things up, I'm going to see how close I can get my lap time
38:53to that of Maserati's chief test driver, Gabriela Tarquini,
38:58ex-F1 driver, two-time touring car champion,
39:00and star of the most amazing motorsport crash ever seen on British soil.
39:11So, no pressure there, then.
39:17Tarquini laid down at time.
39:22Yeah, he's pretty quick.
39:25Flat on this chicken.
39:32A rather quick time.
39:34That wasn't bad.
39:36Yeah, car is warm, now it's your turn.
39:38Thank you so much.
39:41But now, let him watch and learn.
39:43I'm braking as hard as I possibly can up to the first corner.
39:54Turn in.
39:59This is not an automatic gearbox, remember.
40:01It is a manual gearbox.
40:03But you change gear using these flappy paddles.
40:06You have to accept that.
40:10There is an automatic mode, but it's still a manual gearbox.
40:15It'll be too late on throttle.
40:19Brake.
40:20Turn in.
40:23And do you know what?
40:24I like it.
40:27Brake hard.
40:30Harder.
40:30I think it works.
40:38This is the first time, finally, I'm happy with the flappy paddle gearbox.
40:53Finishing line ahead.
40:55This is it.
40:56How close will my time be?
40:57And I've done.
41:06How well, yeah.
41:10Can I just ask?
41:11Can I just ask?
41:12Can you have this thing with a proper gearbox?
41:15No, it's flappy paddle only, I'm afraid.
41:16But, no, it works.
41:18I like it in this car.
41:19Don't work.
41:19I mean, they work on a track, fine.
41:22But have you ever tried parking with a flappy paddle gearbox?
41:24Because you've got no clutch, you either roll into the car in front, or drive at very high
41:28speed into the car behind.
41:29That's all you can do with them.
41:30No, it can be tricky, but in this car, for once...
41:32Don't argue.
41:33Well...
41:34No, I don't want you to argue, that's the fact.
41:36They're rubbish.
41:36But, for once, I think...
41:37You're arguing.
41:37If you carry on arguing, I'm going to show everyone here the telemetry from your lap.
41:43No, but the...
41:43He's arguing.
41:44I mean, who wants to see the telemetry from his?
41:46Yes, right.
41:47Here we go.
41:48I've got it here.
41:49I can explain.
41:49I've got it here.
41:49Excuse me.
41:50Excuse me.
41:50Telemetry is a computer printout from the car about how fast you're going and what you
41:53were doing when you were steering.
41:54And it's far too complicated to work on the television, and we won't understand it, so
41:57I don't think we should bother.
41:58I think we will understand it, ladies and gentlemen.
42:01Here it is.
42:01Okay, now, this blue line here, this was set by Tarquini, who basically is a middle-aged bald
42:07man who once crashed a touring car.
42:10Okay, and that's his line.
42:11And then the red line is...
42:12That's mine.
42:13I mean, basically, if you look at, the blue line is right, and I am consistently at no
42:17point on it.
42:18Although, in your defence, here, momentarily, you are faster, because this is speed.
42:23This is...
42:24You're faster than...
42:25Yes, but if you look at what happened afterwards, I'm then in a complete mess for the next three
42:28corners as a result.
42:29That's true.
42:30My favourite, though, my favourite is the braking.
42:32What happened here?
42:34He's fully on the brakes.
42:36You're...
42:36What?
42:37I think I might have left the track and gone shopping at that...
42:40I think I was pulling up outside his shoe shop.
42:42The fact is, though, the fact is, your time.
42:46Yes.
42:47You were, and this isn't bad, you were only, what was it, four...
42:51Four seconds.
42:52Four seconds a lap slower.
42:54And I was quite pleased until I worked out on the way home.
42:57Four seconds on a one-minute lap, which means in a 70-lap race, he'd have lapped me five
43:03times.
43:06Right.
43:06Our quest continues to find the greatest driving song in the world ever.
43:11Here are our five finalists, as nominated by you.
43:14And as you can see, they still include that massive albatross poo on the windscreen of
43:20popular music, Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell.
43:23However, it's not all over, and that hasn't won yet.
43:26You see, each week, we're going to show you a short film about one of these songs, tell
43:30you a bit about it, and why it was written, and then you get a chance to vote for the
43:34absolute winner.
43:35Here's this week's.
43:36Our first contender is by a Dutch band called Golden Earring.
44:01It features one of the most preposterous lines in any rock lyric.
44:06But then comes the chorus, and all is forgiven.
44:10When she is lonely and the longing gets too much
44:15She says the cable coming in from above
44:19Don't need to fuck at all
44:22We've got a thing
44:24And I say, oh, read our love
44:27We've got a wave in the air
44:30Read our love
44:33The lyrics were written in just four hours, late one night
44:38It's a dark brooding song about a man trying to talk to his dead lover
44:42Which makes it perfect for driving at night and in the early dawn
44:47Radar Love was a worldwide hit when it came out in 1973
44:54And has since been covered by fans such as U2, R.E.M. and Bryan Adams
45:00We've got a wave in the air
45:02Let's go, read our love
45:04The lead singer may look a bit of a girl in his sister's clothes
45:07But when it comes to driving songs, he's the man
45:10Nice
45:23OK, now to vote for Golden Earrings Radar Love
45:28You dial 09011 98 6363 and press 1 on your keypad
45:35That will cost you 10 pence
45:36You can also do it on the internet
45:37BBC.co.uk forward stroke Top Gear
45:40You can vote for any song at any time with the appropriate number
45:44But we have just heard from the British Medical Association
45:47That meatloaf contains herpes
45:50OK, now, in the olden days, you could only buy a Porsche Boxster
45:55If you were a stick-thin city boy
45:57With floppy hair and a squash racket and a friend called Don
46:01And you could only buy a Mercedes SLK if you were a girl
46:06Now, though, there are new versions of these cars
46:10And apparently, things have changed
46:12This is the new Boxster
46:16And if you study the details of it very hard
46:20You still won't be able to tell it apart from the old one
46:23Porsche design
46:28The least a man can get
46:31Happily, however, Porsche's engineering department
46:34Has expended a bit of effort with both the chassis
46:37And the power plant
46:39You can buy the new Boxster with a 2.7 litre engine
46:47But, while that may say Porsche on the back
46:50It goes more like a Porsche
46:53This, though, is a Boxster S
46:57Which has a 3.2 litre engine
47:00And this is much more like it
47:03The engine may be the same size as it was in the old Boxster S
47:15But it's now lighter and cleaner
47:18And you get 20 more brake horsepower
47:22That means 0-60 in 5.5 seconds
47:29And a top speed of 167
47:33Then there's the price
47:41£38,000 for a fast, practical, well-made two-seater sports car
47:46That's good value
47:48Inside, it's much better than it used to be in the old car
47:59I mean, it's no longer laid out like a children's playroom
48:02You get air conditioning, which you never used to get
48:04Lots of new airbags
48:06And, best of the lot, this little tray here
48:09Into which you put your SIM card
48:11And then, when you close it
48:13You end up with a big 3.2 litre telephone
48:16It all sounds very good
48:24Except it has exactly the same problems as the old Boxster
48:29The only reason why you would buy one of these
48:33Is because you can't afford a 911
48:35So all you're doing as you drive around
48:38Is advertising the fact that your life hasn't worked out
48:41Quite as well as you've been hoping
48:43And then there's the feel of the thing
48:47It's just too clinical
48:50It's kind of like an iPod
48:54Brilliant, clean, easy to use, great sound
48:57But not quite the same as seeing the band live
49:01That's where this comes in
49:11We've actually reviewed the new Mercedes SLK before
49:16And we liked it a lot
49:18That one only had a 3.5 litre V6 engine
49:25This one has a 5.5 litre V8
49:29That's 5,500 cc in a car the size of a shoe
49:35You really have to think of this thing as a lightning jet fighter
49:43Just a huge engine and a steering wheel
49:48That's it
49:49And listen to the noise it makes
49:54Listen to this, ready?
50:02It is monstrously fast
50:04Goes from 0 to 60 in 4.5 seconds
50:07And has to be physically restrained at 155
50:11It's not all sweetness and height though
50:16It doesn't have the poise or the delicacy of the Porsche
50:19And the ride is bone-shakingly hard
50:22And the anti-lock brakes cut in just a little bit too soon
50:26And you get a 7-speed gearbox
50:28Too much choice
50:30And it doesn't feel as well made as the Porsche
50:35Everything has a kind of cheap feel to it
50:38I mean, listen to this
50:39Until now I didn't actually realise
50:43You could get sun visors from Mattelan
50:45The thing is, though, you have to concentrate hard to notice any of these things
50:52Because that engine sits in the mix like a giant anchovy on a mini pizza
50:57It dominates everything
51:00This is just so much more exciting than the Porsche
51:06And what's more, you have to say, it's better looking
51:10And while the Boxster has a neat folding roof
51:13The SLK's hard top is miles more impressive
51:18When it is down, you get the benefit of these little vents in the headrests here
51:23Which waft warm air into the back of your neck as you're driving along
51:27That is a very good idea
51:29So what we have here is an iPod
51:33And a lightning jet
51:35With hairdryers in its headrests
51:37Two different ways of building a sports car
51:41And now we must send them to Fight Club
51:44To see which is best
51:45This is the battleground
51:50The village of Eastmere in Norfolk
51:53It was built by the army to be a replica of a German hamlet
52:01Somewhere they could practice fighting the Russians
52:03But unfortunately it was opened in 1989
52:09Just 12 weeks before the Berlin Wall came down
52:13Today it's used to train the troops in the art of urban warfare
52:19Which is kind of what I've got in mind
52:21You see, what I'm going to do
52:23Is drive each of the cars in turn right round the village
52:26While an elite eight-man sniper squad from the Irish Guards
52:31Tries to shoot me
52:33Now obviously I'm going to take the fewest number of hits
52:36In the car which is the fastest and the most agile
52:39So that'll be the winner
52:40Great test
52:42These are the men in question
52:48They're all battle-hardened
52:49And they've all got the Mark II version of the army's SA-80 rifle
52:53Which differs from the Mark I
52:55Because it works
52:57Unfortunately, the BBC's Health and Safety Department say we can't use live bullets
53:06I know it's ridiculous, but there we are
53:08So what are we doing instead?
53:09We're going to use a laser targeting system
53:11That we've attached to our weapons
53:12And I'll be wearing a talking jacket fitted with sensors
53:16That'll detect any shots from the rifles
53:19Then a computer moffin will log the hits
53:22You go get your positions
53:26And I'm coming ready or not
53:27There we go!
53:52This is horrible!
54:02What are these guys?
54:07I can hear them!
54:08I don't know where they are!
54:11Wounded, left arm
54:12It is so beautifully balanced
54:16You can't really stick it in
54:19I like this car!
54:36They won't be expecting this!
54:39Yes, safe
54:51Well, sort of
54:53Unfortunately, my plan gave the soldiers a chance to reposition
54:57Regroup
54:58And reload
55:00Come on, come on, come on, come on!
55:06So when I came out, I was in real trouble
55:09Help me!
55:16And there we are, back again
55:25In the Porsche, I was hit six times
55:30So let's see how I'd get on
55:35In the Mercedes
55:37I have soiled myself!
55:58Oh, that noise
56:06Come on, come on, come on, come on!
56:12What a mad, mad car!
56:20It's completely insane!
56:22Come on, ultimate, airbox
56:39Waker!
56:42Come on!
56:43Wounded, head chest
56:48Left arm, right arm
56:50What?
56:50I've been shot in the ear, the chest, the lung
57:04I've made a big mess
57:06I've made a big mess in my pants
57:08I'm throwing grenades!
57:13Help me
57:20Across the line!
57:26I'm back
57:29Wounded, head chest
57:31Left arm, right arm
57:33Wounded, wounded, wounded
57:34I'm officially four years on
57:39I am four
57:41I am four
57:42Hey now
57:44The extraordinary thing is
57:47I didn't see these guys all day
57:49But here they are
57:49The guys who shot at me
57:51From the Irish Guards
57:52Thank you very much
57:54Oh yes
57:56Did you all have to use blanks?
57:59Couldn't one of you just have accidentally
58:01I mean, you had the best view of him ever
58:03With crosshairs
58:04You could have just accidentally
58:06Can I just talk about the cars for a minute
58:08Um, in the Porsche you were shot six times, yes?
58:12Yes
58:12How many times in the Mercedes?
58:13Ah, 13
58:1513?
58:16Yes, 13 times in this
58:18Well, that shows that this is the more agile, faster, this is the better car
58:22No
58:23Because you see, you said in the Porsche, which I went in first
58:26You got your eye in, got the lead
58:27So when I went out in the Merck, they knew kind of where to point
58:30So this is a useless test?
58:32No, it's not useless
58:33Because, like, A, I had very good fun
58:36Really good fun
58:37And, B, I drove the cars back to back, same terrain
58:40And the Porsche is brilliant
58:41Absolutely brilliant
58:42But, this is just astonishing
58:46I mean, the engine is amazing
58:48I love this car
58:49This would be my choice without a moment's hesitation
58:52No, but you're saying that you want the car that costs £11,000 more
58:56Isn't as good to drive as that one
58:58And gets you shot more
58:59Yes, that's basically it
59:01And you agree with me, don't you?
59:03I did not have that
59:03And on that bombshell, it's time to end
59:06Next week, you know the races we do
59:08Where we go, like, we've raced to Verbier, we've raced to Monte Carlo
59:10We've got our biggest ever next week
59:13Don't miss it
59:13See you then
59:14Good night
59:14Live with the Suri Tribe next here on BBC2
59:20Whilst over on BBC3, the Glastonbury gig is still going strong
59:24We'll see you then
59:40We'll see you then
59:43Bye
59:44Bye
59:44Bye
59:46Bye
59:46Bye
59:48Bye
59:48Bye
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