- 3 months ago
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00:00Right, sir, um, where's the pen again?
00:07Right, um, that is your heart, sir.
00:11Now what's probably going to happen is you're going to have a heart attack.
00:15Okay?
00:16Wow.
00:17Make his day white, aren't you?
00:19Fuck.
00:23Been painting?
00:24I slipped on the ladder and...
00:30I broke at least one rib.
00:36I like knowledge. Knowledge is power, which is good.
00:40I've not got much in the way of physical strength, but I know shit loads.
00:45I have a terrible, awful headache.
00:48Have you got any paracetamol in the house, love?
00:52Ask her why the curtains are drawn.
00:57Why are the curtains drawn, love?
00:59Can you not call me in love, please?
01:07Meningitis.
01:12How are we going to do that?
01:16I won't.
01:17They may do things differently in the animal kingdom, but in my world, brain over brawn wins.
01:22Could be irritable bowel syndrome.
01:23I would pen to say it is.
01:24Carrot or cucumber?
01:25Carrot.
01:26You've got a carrot up your arse.
01:28Okay, and it got there how?
01:29The wife put it up there.
01:30We were playing a sex game.
01:31Oh.
01:32She said it would feel really incredible.
01:33Mm.
01:34Mm.
01:35And it were fine.
01:36First couple inches.
01:37But it's a big fucking carrot.
01:38Yeah, okay.
01:39Not a novice carrot then?
01:40No.
01:41It were going well, you know.
01:42It weren't rasping against the...
01:43The ribs.
01:44The ribs.
01:45The ribs.
01:46The ribs.
01:47The ribs.
01:48The ribs.
01:49The ribs.
01:50The ribs.
01:51The ribs.
01:52The ribs.
01:53The ribs.
01:54The ribs.
01:55The ribs.
01:56The ribs.
01:57The ribs.
01:58No.
01:59The ribs.
02:00The ribs.
02:01The ribs.
02:02The ribs.
02:03They were playing a sex game.
02:04Oh.
02:05She said it would feel really incredible.
02:06Mm.
02:07And it were fine.
02:08First couple inches.
02:09But it's a big fucking carrot.
02:10Yeah, okay.
02:11Not a novice carrot then?
02:12No.
02:13It was going well, you know.
02:14It weren't rasping against the...
02:15The rectal wall.
02:16But then it just got sucked up.
02:17Like, me arse kinda pulled it in and...
02:18Oh, okay Bugs Bunny.
02:19Can you hear yourself?
02:21Too much information?
02:22Dr Kinsey, a word.
02:33Key rule, rate this one down.
02:35This is reality now, right? There is no such thing as too much information.
02:39OK?
02:41And out of us three, I'm the king of the jungle.
02:52I only want them for a night like this.
02:55Like all the problems really do.
03:02Just pierce the pins, cause you know that man.
03:05You'll have a card that you just can't play.
03:08Into the city, making my nose control.
03:12Just don't worry, we can be so safe, so safe.
03:16Root vegetable blockage in the anus.
03:22Good luck with that.
03:29A man with a root vegetable jammed up his batty.
03:32Is that not a very odd kind of straight?
03:35You reckon?
03:36Go on then, ask the question.
03:38Why would a straight guy have a carrot up his arse?
03:41The prostate glands located just underneath the bladder,
03:44the eyes of a large walnut.
03:46Stimulate it with anything, really, and it'll feel good.
03:48Yeah, of course, cause you'd know about that, wouldn't you?
03:50Yes, I'd know.
03:51There you go, point proven.
03:53It's a gay thing.
03:55It's not a gay thing, it's a biological thing.
03:58And how would you know?
03:59Yeah, how would you know?
04:01Look, I didn't ask the fucking question.
04:03You know what?
04:04It's a good thing, actually,
04:05there's fear of penetration straight guys have,
04:07cause if it weren't for that,
04:08carrots would be worth their weight and gold.
04:10No, mankind wouldn't have got past the carrot phase,
04:12the species would have died out.
04:13You guys are talking shit.
04:43Oh, it's incredible.
04:48Visually...
04:49Stunning.
04:50Totally.
04:51So glad you like Italian films.
04:57To achieve a film of such richness,
05:02conceptual richness, with such sparsity of dialogue,
05:06is incredible.
05:08It's such a beautiful film.
05:11He has an incredible way of visualising the poignancy of human emotion,
05:15don't you think?
05:17Do you fancy a coffee?
05:19It's been a long time, baby.
05:20It's been a long time, baby.
05:22There it is.
05:25There it is.
05:26There it is.
05:27There it is.
05:30Don't move.
05:33There it is.
05:36Do it, of it.
05:38Hey!
05:48How are you getting back?
05:50I'll get a cab.
05:55Do you do this often?
05:58Internet dating?
06:00It's a bit new to me, actually.
06:02Right, only...
06:04Here's the thing.
06:05Erm...
06:08I've not had sex for a while.
06:10And...
06:11You kind of get a bit out of practice, don't you?
06:14So...
06:15I'm thinking...
06:16I've got you here now.
06:19You've just done it.
06:21Slightly mad question, but on a scale of one to ten, what do you reckon?
06:27I'd say...
06:28At least...
06:30Knocking on seven.
06:32Knocking on seven.
06:34Right.
06:39I'm detecting a bit of politeness.
06:41Well, you know...
06:43Six and a half.
06:44OK.
06:45Well...
06:46Thanks.
06:47It's a...
06:48It's a reasonable score.
06:53If there were one thing that could have increased the score...
06:56Well...
06:59I sort of prefer more...
07:01Yielding women.
07:03Yielding?
07:04Women that kind of let me do a bit more.
07:07Or anything, even.
07:09Yielding.
07:11Right.
07:14Well...
07:16I could have done yielding.
07:17Right.
07:18You have to give me some indication.
07:19I'm not a mind reader.
07:20Is he actually soaking?
07:21Hmm.
07:22Excellent.
07:23Can get some peace.
07:24Is this arrangement working?
07:26Three of you in one ambulance.
07:27He's the trainee?
07:28Yeah, but...
07:29The same three every day.
07:30Don't like it.
07:31Breeds complacency.
07:33I think I'll look at the rosters.
07:39I think, you know, I'll get into it.
07:40Oh...
07:41Oh.
07:42What?
07:43What?
07:44Is this arrangement working?
07:45Three of you in one ambulance?
07:47He's the trainee?
07:50Yeah.
07:51But the same three everyday.
07:54Don't like it.
07:55Breeds complacency.
07:57I think I'll look at the rosters.
08:02But we work well together.
08:03Yeah, but Rasheed needs other experiences.
08:06And Ashley could step up a bit.
08:08I might try pairing you with Carl again.
08:10Oh, no, please, not him. Not that, Farprek.
08:13As you can see, they like being my crew.
08:16How often do you hit your eight-minute target?
08:20More often than not. 60%, 70%.
08:23And how often do you think your crew might hit them in the future?
08:28All right. We'll up the success rates.
08:30Yeah. Up them. Or I'll be back.
08:35With Carl.
08:46So we're your crew, then, are we?
08:48Yeah, come on. My team, my troop.
08:50Why is it yours, though?
08:52Because I have the most experience,
08:54I have the greatest bank of technical knowledge,
08:56plus I have an air of authority.
08:58Yeah? Where are you hiding that, then?
08:59Look, am I the leader or not?
09:02Okay.
09:03We are a group of young males.
09:04It's inevitable that one of us is going to wind up being the alpha male.
09:07I am the de facto alpha male.
09:10Okay?
09:10What's de facto?
09:12Look it up.
09:15Okay.
09:16I fucking will.
09:17Yielding.
09:31What does that even mean?
09:33Fairly obvious, really.
09:35I've got to be lying there,
09:37inert,
09:39in a baby doll nightie,
09:40waiting to be ravished.
09:42Yielding.
09:42Do you reckon you can do that?
09:45Well, I can try.
09:46Just kind of...
09:51Is that your best shot of yielding?
09:55I can do yielding.
09:55It's a piece of cake.
09:56Sarge, you're probably not going to like this,
10:00but if the guy you're with is a real man,
10:03you know,
10:04macho,
10:05he just yields.
10:07You can't help it.
10:09I'm seeing him again.
10:11This time,
10:12I'm going to be so fucking yielding,
10:14he's not going to know what's in.
10:16Yeah.
10:17You're probably still not quite getting it.
10:20De facto.
10:42In practice,
10:43but not necessarily ordained by law.
10:46Yeah, I do actually know what de facto means.
10:49It says here,
10:49the alpha male,
10:50is in constant danger of his life
10:52as younger males contend for his crown.
10:55Okay, right,
10:56that's baboons.
10:57We're not baboons.
10:58We don't have predators
10:59and we don't go killing each other
11:01for fucking rights over the females.
11:03You've never been to Glasgow on a Saturday night.
11:05Yeah, but
11:05I'm bigger than you two.
11:08It's not about who's bigger anymore.
11:10We use our brains more now.
11:12We have inquiring minds.
11:13It's about what you know.
11:17Me and Ashley go back two years.
11:19Tends to take a back seat.
11:20Fair?
11:21Fair.
11:21You may have known Ashley for two years, right,
11:23but you don't know that much about him.
11:25How do you mean?
11:25What?
11:26Do you even know whether he's got a boyfriend or not?
11:28I'm actually here.
11:29That's his business.
11:30Well, if you don't know that,
11:31then your mind can't be as inquiring
11:33as you think it is, can it?
11:35Alpha male,
11:36I'll tell you something, boys.
11:38It's time for regime change.
11:39Yeah.
11:41Crazy.
11:41Crazy.
11:41Crazy.
11:42It's close.
11:43Crazy.
11:43Crazy.
11:44Crazy.
11:45Crazy.
11:45Crazy.
11:45Yeah.
11:46Yeah.
11:47Yeah.
11:48Ah-ha!
11:49Wow!
11:51Oh-ha!
11:54Yeah!
11:56Yeah!
11:59Yeah!
12:02Yeah!
12:07Yeah!
12:12Forgive me, Father, I have sinned.
12:42Forgive me, Father, I have sinned.
13:12Forgive me, Father, I have sinned.
13:42How long have you got?
13:43Depends how much my mum wants to go off her chest.
13:48Well, on Tuesday, Father, I was ungenerous with the woman in the queue at Argos.
13:53Nice.
14:05You work out?
14:06Religiously.
14:11Which brings me to Thursday.
14:13Oh, actually, I had quite a good day on Thursday.
14:18Which brings us to today.
14:20Okay, let's get busy.
14:27What are you doing?
14:28They're getting fucked me.
14:30No, hang on, no.
14:31Look.
14:33What?
14:35It's just, I'd quite like you to fuck me.
14:38Oh.
14:39Well, I can have a try if you like.
14:43Do you want to do me first or not?
14:44I think we just killed this.
14:51Yeah.
15:00Go in peace to love and serve the Lord and sin no more.
15:03In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
15:07Amen.
15:07Amen.
15:08Amen.
15:18Feeling perched?
15:19I am, yes.
15:20I've been forgiven.
15:21All the sins cleaned away?
15:23It's a marvellous feeling.
15:24You should try it.
15:26I think it only works if you promise not to do it again.
15:37Are you keeping well?
15:39Yeah.
15:40Sleeping enough?
15:41Only the hours you keep with that job.
15:43Do you know what?
15:43It is a bit weird with the sleeping patterns, but I'm good at sleeping.
15:47Are you happy?
15:49Yeah.
15:50I'm happy.
15:51Life's...
15:51Let me see.
15:54I don't know that I can believe you.
15:56I'm dead happy.
15:59Okay, I love my work.
16:00I love my mates.
16:02Well, maybe not love them, actually.
16:03Come to the Dew on Saturday.
16:05All of the gang are coming down.
16:06And it'll cheer you up.
16:07I don't actually need cheering up.
16:10And if I did, I would...
16:10Oh, come to the Dew.
16:12For me.
16:15Okay.
16:16Oh.
16:22Ashley, come on.
16:31What's this?
16:32My training.
16:34Done the theory.
16:34Got to do the practice.
16:35That's all my training modules.
16:38Okay.
16:39That's the way it has to be.
16:42First of all, use both mirrors.
16:43This van is wider than you think.
16:44Is this a good idea?
16:46Need to give him the opportunity.
16:47He's got stuff to learn.
16:52Schizophrenic.
16:5344.
16:54Acting violently.
16:54Winter left arm.
16:55Okay.
16:56Okay.
16:56Okay.
17:00This is a cat-a-call.
17:03So what we do is something like this.
17:04Drive it like you're stalling.
17:19That's what I see.
17:19That's what I see.
17:19All right.
17:27I think I'm gonna be sick.
17:30How was that?
17:40I think I'm going to be sick.
17:42Where'd you learn to drive like that?
17:43You don't want to know.
17:44Did we hit the target?
17:45Hit the target?
17:46We got here before we even left.
17:47Yes!
17:48Success!
17:49This is what I'm talking about, right?
17:51This is a TARDIS.
17:54Ooh!
17:56Come on, lads.
17:57Let's get them.
17:57Not yet.
17:58We need plod for this one first.
18:00The acting violently bit is fairly key.
18:17Still think we should storm the place.
18:18He's very powerful.
18:32Do not doubt him.
18:33Do not doubt him.
18:34Hello there, children.
18:45Hi.
18:45Hello.
18:46You OK?
18:47I'm full of joy today.
18:53Right.
18:55It's her.
18:56What?
18:56She's too patient.
19:01Is anyone in the house?
19:05This is my father's house.
19:08Who's your father, miss?
19:11The Lord God.
19:12OK.
19:14And you are?
19:17Jesus Christ.
19:18Your saviour.
19:20Cool.
19:21OK.
19:22Is it possible that this may be your mania flaring up?
19:28My what?
19:29Could I hold on to your knife for a bit, Lord?
19:36Could you?
19:37I'll only end up cutting myself again.
19:47OK, love.
19:47Would you like us to take you back to the secure unit?
19:53Actually, yes.
19:54I think that might be good.
19:56Do you have another name, love?
19:57One that your human parents called you?
20:01Yes, it's Fran.
20:02Giles.
20:03Is there any medication you're on, Fran?
20:06Yeah.
20:11Is there any medication you're not on, Fran?
20:14Er, miss?
20:16These lovely police officers are going to take you back to the unit, all right?
20:19OK.
20:20But before they do, I'd like to check that cot on your arm, if I may.
20:23OK.
20:23Yeah?
20:24OK.
20:24Do you want to come with me?
20:25OK.
20:25Yeah?
20:26OK.
20:26Come on, then.
20:27This way.
20:30Hi, Ashley.
20:33Well done, fella.
20:36Do I get her a wad?
20:37Yeah.
20:41Well, she and me go for a drink sometime.
20:44And we're pretty well handled.
20:47Go Team Stewart.
20:48Team Stewart?
20:51Your homies.
20:53Trainees driving's pretty tasty.
20:54He's had plenty of practice, that one.
20:57How do you mean?
20:57Nearly caught me there, didn't you?
21:01It's private information.
21:03No, I should know this stuff.
21:06Have you had dealings with me?
21:07Leave it now, eh?
21:07Oh, we're good, Ash.
21:19Disarming the profit.
21:21Not bad going.
21:22Yeah, we'll be fishing the LZ Bob out of the canal before the days, all right?
21:25My first cat hair drive, and when we get there, it's Jesus.
21:29I love this job.
21:31So, you made a date with Ryan, then?
21:33Yeah.
21:35He's built.
21:36He's a big guy in two.
21:38Yeah, I suppose he is.
21:40Dead alpha, am I right?
21:43See?
21:45Ash knows an alpha when he sees one.
21:46You don't just go for muscle men, do you?
21:48No.
21:49Yeah.
21:50Ryan's a good guy.
21:51He's funny.
21:51He's smart.
21:51Mm, funny, smart, big, muscly arms.
21:55And if it's true what they say about black guys, you're going to be packing.
21:58Stop it.
21:58You don't know, actually, at all, trainee boy.
22:02Man collapsing street.
22:03I'm drunk.
22:04Passion complaining of severe chest pains.
22:06Cut it.
22:10Put the lights on.
22:11All right.
22:12Oh, we're gonna.
22:13We're about to jump into light speed.
22:16Five, four, three.
22:18Just fucking do it, Chewbacca.
22:20Oh, fuck, fuck.
22:28Copy that, Euston.
22:30We have maximum velocity.
22:32Thrusters are gold.
22:37What are you doing?
22:38This is not the route.
22:39Trust me on all the little byways.
22:44It's too narrow.
22:45What, says the guy who drives that round, man?
22:47Rashid, you don't have to do this to prove a fucking point.
22:49Oh, no.
22:50Oh, we're gonna take down another target.
22:54I can feel it.
22:55I'm still the cleverest.
22:56I'm the shortest.
23:06Nice bit of beef.
23:11You're not vegetarian, are you?
23:13No.
23:14No.
23:15No.
23:17Didn't think so.
23:18This song looks shit.
23:44I know.
23:45We couldn't possibly go.
23:46I'm scared.
23:46No.
23:46Oh, that is a pretty cool dance floor.
23:49A full-on Saturday Night Fever retro.
23:52And we are gay.
23:54And gays dance.
23:55That's what we do.
23:56Is that a genetic thing, medical man?
23:58They've yet to isolate the disco genie.
24:01Well, how about we have an ironic dance thing?
24:03How does that work?
24:26You could maybe pour the wine.
24:48Sure.
24:56Are you trying to get me drunk, Derek?
25:01No, it's just you asked.
25:06Yeah, I did.
25:09Sorry.
25:22Are you in good, master?
25:23You too.
25:24What gym do you go to?
25:25Merriam Street, you?
25:27I don't.
25:28No, you know, I'm trying to keep myself in shape, but...
25:31I told my arse is my best asset.
25:33Yeah, me too.
25:35But your best asset?
25:37Well, amongst them.
25:40You guys are lucky, though, you put on muscle mass quite easily.
25:43It'd take me ages.
25:44It's different body types.
25:46Yeah, we're lucky, like those guys.
25:48That was really nice.
25:56Do you want anything else?
25:59Oh, um...
26:01I don't think this is going to work.
26:15But am I not...
26:16It's just...
26:17You've sort of changed.
26:21Yeah, well, I'm yielding, aren't I?
26:24Yes, I can see that.
26:25It's very nice of you.
26:26I don't think I can get more yielding.
26:28Short on necking some rohypnil and passing out on the floor.
26:31You've maybe just gone a bit too far.
26:34Okay, well, I can pull it back a bit.
26:51That would quality beef, that!
27:00So, big fella.
27:02Yes, little fella?
27:03Fancy come back to mine?
27:04Good, too, couldn't I?
27:06Yeah, you're good.
27:07Yeah, get you back there, strip you off, move you up,
27:10and fuck you hard on my big dick, yeah?
27:12Yeah.
27:13Yeah.
27:14Big, big, big dick.
27:16Yeah, there it is.
27:19I thought that's where you were going,
27:21but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.
27:24It's a good plan, eh?
27:25You reckon?
27:25Try it from my side.
27:27I get this sprung on me a lot, you know,
27:29the old big dick, black daddy thing.
27:32Conversation could be civilised as fuck,
27:34and lurking underneath somewhere.
27:38In fact, this is all I get, and I'm a bit sick of it.
27:41Click, I'm sorry.
27:43Maybe I've had a bit too much to drink.
27:45I must have heard the signs.
27:46I'll see you later, okay?
27:52You had sex with a bloke who wanted you to be yielding.
27:57Sort of.
27:58Mm.
27:59And what you gave him was really, definitely not yielding.
28:03Not the first time, no.
28:04You ran it like a military operation.
28:07It's a fairly accurate description.
28:08You didn't film it or anything.
28:12Oh, he cracks his gag, no-one laughs.
28:16So then you had him back?
28:17Yeah, and this time...
28:18Ah, I can guess.
28:21Yielding.
28:21Oh, no.
28:23What's he expecting you to melt in his arms
28:24and, you know, be taken and get ravished?
28:26Yeah.
28:28You don't want to get ravished, do you?
28:31Um.
28:33You don't want to be grabbed by the hair
28:34and pulled back to some bloke's cave.
28:35Well, not when you put it like that, no.
28:37Good.
28:39I just don't want to go changing to, you know,
28:41make some Neanderthal happy.
28:43Well, he was hardly a Neanderthal.
28:45He were big on Italian films.
28:46Oh, he sounds like a proper tit.
28:51Although, quite like Fellini myself.
28:55Why are we so crap?
28:58Why are we so single?
29:00Because we're different.
29:02We're not like the apes.
29:04Will you still be my mate when I'm 64?
29:08Hmm.
29:09I will.
29:11And if you lose it,
29:13I will very gently euthanise you
29:15when you're not expecting it, OK?
29:17Because I know all the undetectable ways.
29:22Here, there.
29:24There you go.
29:24Two drag girls fail on the cool lane.
29:28Oh, dear.
29:29I like your one.
29:30You hit your target?
29:34Of course.
29:36Change of hierarchy.
29:38Good.
29:39It was bound to happen one day, I suppose.
29:41Mind you, it's one thing to merely hit your target.
29:44It's quite another to exceed it.
29:46Watch me.
29:46I will.
29:51Ah, ah, ah!
29:53You need a brittle 50-something-year-old woman to confirm your status.
29:56That is not good.
29:57Hey, facts, man.
29:58Nine call-outs, no fails.
30:01I should have been driving ages ago.
30:03Hey, Ash.
30:05Hello.
30:06You can relax.
30:07Rashid has kicked fat cow's ass into the long grass.
30:11Great.
30:12Ooh!
30:13Looks like someone didn't get their target here last night.
30:16What's up?
30:17Black copper turned out to be a girl gate.
30:19Shut up, eh?
30:21There you go.
30:22Trainee is right.
30:23No, he's not.
30:24But you're not going to see him again?
30:26No chemistry.
30:27No chemistry.
30:29Simples.
30:30Don't worry, Ash.
30:30Plenty more fish in the sea.
30:32Thanks, mate.
30:33One, number one.
30:35Number one.
30:36Number one.
30:37Check it, check it.
30:38Number one.
30:39I am number one.
30:40I am number one.
30:42I am number...
30:43What?
30:45One.
30:46Yeah.
30:47Wear it up!
30:50Tracks.
30:50Seriously, little twat.
31:03It's not an hanging adventure.
31:04Plenty of black guys play up to the stereotype.
31:06Don't defend him.
31:08Hey!
31:09Hey!
31:09Get off me!
31:11This is funny!
31:12Get off me!
31:12Get off me!
31:13Get off me!
31:14Get off me!
31:14Get off me!
31:15Get off me!
31:15Get off me!
31:16I don't know why we kind of at least tried to get to the driver fight.
31:37And we're miles away.
31:39Yeah, but it's more of a challenge.
31:40This isn't Grand Theft Auto.
31:42This is better than Grand Theft Auto.
31:44But this is better than Angry Birds.
31:46I had no idea the reality could get this exciting.
31:48Nothing doing here, Craig, you lad.
32:04Bit of a barny.
32:05All done with.
32:06Oh, nothing for me to dowse.
32:08The big hoes will have to say tucked inside, I'm afraid.
32:14How are you doing?
32:15Me?
32:17Er, yeah.
32:18You know, just fine.
32:19Just one foot in front of the other stuff, you know.
32:23You?
32:23Ah, life's dead sweet.
32:26Is it indeed?
32:27Yeah, I reckon so.
32:30Good.
32:30Well, I'll, erm...
32:32I'll write that down.
32:35Caffer!
32:35Caffer!
32:36What were all that about?
32:50Nothing.
32:51Oh, my God, you're actually blushing.
32:54Shut up.
32:57Now that's yielding.
32:59I've got a four-year-old male, loss of consciousness, no pulse.
33:15Reckon there's going to be some rich pickings tonight.
33:18You're loaded up in back.
33:19How do you mean?
33:20Protocols say you've got to do an equipment check before every shift.
33:23Protocols say that, do they?
33:24What a protocol say if the equipment doesn't exist, it's been stolen or broken and there's not enough money to buy a new one.
33:29It also says in Wikipedia...
33:32...that the alpha male might become increasingly defensive, closer or rival to his position gets.
33:37Yeah, well, Wikipedia isn't real knowledge.
33:40Do you know what's on it?
33:40Torrents of unresearched, unverified shit.
33:44Boys, when is this going to end?
33:46Follow the ambulance.
33:52What?
33:53Follow the ambulance.
34:01Control?
34:02Er, there is no 54-year-old control.
34:06Can I keep looking?
34:07Keep looking, all right.
34:10Hiya.
34:11Hiya, Stuart.
34:16Something wrong?
34:21Your mate's a bit of a cold fish.
34:23Is he?
34:24Little twat, in fact.
34:26Hey, that's a member of Team Rashid you're dissing.
34:29Ashley is a...
34:29A racist?
34:32No.
34:33No, I don't buy that.
34:34Well, that's because you know fuck all about him.
34:36I know more about Team Stuart than you do.
34:39Team Rashid?
34:40Should we be heading off now?
34:42Just in case there's someone actually committing a crime somewhere?
34:45Yeah.
34:45Racist.
34:49That was a tad embarrassing.
34:52Something you needed saying?
34:56No chemistry, eh?
34:58Tell the truth.
34:58I need to get to the church roll.
35:01It's a change of subject.
35:02Well, apparently, you're a racist.
35:14Yeah?
35:14Oh, fuck that.
35:15What's he been saying?
35:17I'm not racist.
35:19Right, well, Maxine seems to think differently.
35:21Well, she's wrong.
35:23Okay, I might have said something that could be misconstrued about his colour, but I'm not racist.
35:28Right, big black guy.
35:29Classic macho stereotype.
35:31It is the unreconstructed kind of alpha type you're after.
35:35Well, it's not sin.
35:36It's just a sexual fantasy.
35:38Big and butch.
35:39The current term is straight acting.
35:42All right, so, you don't go for camp boys, then?
35:46Of course not.
35:48They're lady gays.
35:49Nor nice, intelligent types like Ryan.
35:52Yeah, he was coming across a bit needy.
35:54Needy?
35:55The alpha male just fucks what he wants and goes, right?
35:58Too right.
35:59Right, so, hang on.
36:00If they show any emotional needs, that stops turning you on.
36:04You really have a thing for the alpha male, don't you?
36:06I got a question for you.
36:07Out of us two, right?
36:09Which one would you, you know, do?
36:15If you had to.
36:17You're joking.
36:19You pair of sad bastards.
36:20Mm-hmm.
36:22I'd fuck fuck Carl before I got that desperate.
36:25Yeah, but after, though.
36:29So, if I search you now, I won't find any matches.
36:32Or a license.
36:36Well, exactly.
36:37Can we go to start that fire?
36:41I'm getting close to you.
36:44Right, let's just keep your eyes on these, like, yeah.
36:46Don't let anyone call them.
36:47Right.
36:50Hello, lovely Maxine.
36:53Lovely Maxine.
36:54Yeah.
36:55Don't you mean extremely professional ball-breaker, Maxine?
37:00No, I mean...
37:02I mean beautiful Maxine.
37:05Petite, gorgeous, sexy Maxine.
37:07That's what I mean.
37:08Right.
37:09Um, I've never really thought about it like that, not really...
37:14Tell me one thing.
37:19Yeah.
37:21Arrests.
37:22Fighting.
37:23Broken glass, fire, piss, vomit.
37:25Yeah.
37:27Life's still sweet, is it?
37:28I reckon it is, yeah.
37:33All about how you look at things.
37:37Do you fancy a drink sometimes?
37:39Um...
37:40Yeah.
37:43Okay.
37:44I can't abide by all these crazy rules, be laid down too soon.
37:56I don't know.
38:12Hormone therapies, and they make a difference.
38:17Oh, fuck.
38:21I told you to come and rescue me at nine.
38:23You're an hour early.
38:25Check out the buffet, man.
38:27Are these hello?
38:28New initiative.
38:29Turn up for the drunks before they get drunk.
38:32You'd expect them drunk.
38:34Well, everyone here is Scottish.
38:36Here we go.
38:38Tonics tea cake, 11 o'clock.
38:41Nice.
38:42Very nice.
38:43Nice.
38:47Asha.
38:48Isn't that Stuart and the Newbie?
38:50Yeah.
38:51What, and they popped in to say hello, that's nice.
38:53Isn't it?
38:54I'm assuming once they've said hello, they'll be on their way.
38:57That'd be even nicer.
39:03Yeah, it's quite tough stuff that we do.
39:06I bet you can handle the physical aspect.
39:09Yeah, I can, yeah.
39:11I'm the brawn.
39:13Which, of course, makes me the brainies.
39:16Gosh, you guys have such clearly defined roles.
39:20Yeah.
39:20It just kind of turned out that way.
39:22I never knew that.
39:22So you do all the heavy lifting?
39:26Mainly, yeah.
39:27Yeah.
39:28He hasn't got the build for it.
39:31So what, like carrying grannies downstairs?
39:34That kind of thing?
39:36Yeah.
39:37Yeah.
39:38That's sarcasm now.
39:42I think it probably is.
39:43Well-honed and effective.
39:45And the brains.
39:46Yeah.
39:46I might be wrong, but an EMT doesn't actually need it that much in the way of intellect.
39:51You're not trained in any serious diagnostics.
39:54Aren't you guys basically taxi drivers?
39:57Isn't it mostly drunk, see the oil?
40:00You're a medical student.
40:01Right first time.
40:02I'd recognise that corrosively superior attitude from a mile off.
40:06Sorry, bedside manners, I think we called it.
40:13Sarcasm I could actually kill.
40:15Hello, Stuart.
40:16Oh, hello, Mrs Greenwick.
40:17Nice of you to drop by and say hello to Ashley.
40:20It's all right.
40:22Demaze!
40:23Oh, I have expected you not to come.
40:26Oh, my goodness, this can't be.
40:27Ashley, Ashley, look, look.
40:29Remember Dan.
40:30Oh, this is just perfect.
40:34All right, Ashley.
40:36All right, Dan.
40:39How you doing?
40:40Fine, thank you.
40:42Right.
40:44Need your mates?
40:45Yep.
40:48And we've actually got to be getting back to the ambulance now.
40:50I'm sorry.
40:51I know we've got to go.
40:53Don't worry.
40:53So, we've got to go.
40:55Yeah, yeah.
40:56It's okay.
40:58It's fine.
40:58It's fine.
40:59It's fine.
41:00That was interesting.
41:06Tall fucker in tracksuit.
41:07Ex-boyfriend, was he?
41:08No.
41:09Ex-girlfriend, then.
41:10Fuck off.
41:11Ex-schoolmate?
41:13Ten points.
41:14Bingo.
41:15And they bullied you.
41:17You took the piss.
41:18Gay took the piss?
41:19Yeah, I bet.
41:20I knew it.
41:23Simples.
41:23See, I can do a diagnosis as well, you know.
41:26It's not so hard.
41:27Clearly.
41:28What were it, eight, nine years last time we saw it?
41:29Yep.
41:30All comes rushing back, of course it does.
41:32All that stuff you kept held down.
41:34Forgotten.
41:35But he dealt with it.
41:36But it's still there.
41:37Next thing you know.
41:38Excellent.
41:47Go team Rashid.
41:50Shit.
42:06Training!
42:07I fucking failed me for this.
42:11How bad is it?
42:12Well, the headlights and the bumper are knackered.
42:15I'm going to have to report this.
42:17That's it then, isn't it?
42:17Yeah, I'm going to get bollocks for driving the van into some roadworks.
42:20Oh, well, you're going to get bollocked. You weren't driving.
42:23Yes, I was.
42:26Really?
42:30You do that for me?
42:32Yeah.
42:35Thanks, man.
42:36Do I get the wheel back now?
42:39We cool?
42:41Good.
42:44One down.
42:45Good.
42:50Good.
42:50Good.
42:51Good.
42:57Good.
43:03Good.
43:04Was I right or was I right?
43:21Don't know what you mean.
43:34All right, dickheads, Dan Hughes, he bullied me for being gay years ago until done with.
43:43Can you want me to move on now, please?
43:47Was he always a big boy?
43:51Yes.
43:52So he was like the alpha male of your class?
43:55Of my year.
43:56Fuck.
43:57Ash, it all makes sense now.
44:04Listen, Ash, look, if he was the alpha male and he took the piss, I'm guessing so did the
44:11whole school.
44:12Yeah, pretty much so.
44:13That's the role of the alpha male, to police admission to the group, to exclude the undesirables.
44:18I like to think I'm very desirable.
44:21When you're having anonymous sex with these big, straight acting alpha types in the bushes,
44:26it's...
44:27It's done.
44:28Yeah, it's the bully I'm suggesting.
44:29Congratulations.
44:30I can make the alpha male go weaker than you as you can get some revenge.
44:33Is it revenge, though?
44:34The thrill?
44:35My guess is it feels really bloody good, because he's no longer taking the piss anymore.
44:40He's picked you out of a crowd, and now he's tickling your walnut for you.
44:44Jesus.
44:45No, I really have heard it all.
44:47He's not freezing you out of the troop.
44:49He's letting you back in.
44:50It's not revenge you're getting, is it?
44:52It's acceptance.
44:54Fascinating.
44:55Look, as a friend, I just think you should let it go.
44:59And pork kettle black?
45:00What, are we gonna talk about your dad now?
45:01Right.
45:02It's not about revenge.
45:03It's not about acceptance.
45:04It's just, when you find one of those real alpha types, which is not easy, it just feels
45:07really fucking good.
45:08Is that enough for you, though?
45:09Well, I don't want to die alone in my house full of cats.
45:10Which is where you're heading.
45:11That ambulance is fucked.
45:12So if I'm the beater, I get to fuck all your females when you die.
45:18Enjoy.
45:19He hasn't got any females.
45:20Sorry, fella.
45:21That would make Ashley...
45:22The Omega.
45:23I know why.
45:24We get to have all the fun and have no responsibilities.
45:25Which makes me the de facto alpha male.
45:28Head and shoulders, no competition.
45:30No competition.
45:31No competition.
45:32No competition.
45:33No competition.
45:34No competition.
45:35No competition.
45:37Oh, what...
45:42How much is that?
45:44Back it back.
45:45We light people on it when we wake up with relief.
45:47The omega would make Ashley the omega.
45:48I know.
45:49We get to have all the fun and have no responsibilities.
45:51Which makes me the de facto alpha male.
45:53Head and shoulders, no competition.
45:58Ooh.
45:59Oh
46:00Whoa.
46:01Whoa...
46:02Whoa.
46:04Whoa.
46:05Whoa.
46:06Ah.
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